Do you have any embarrassing/whacky stories from school?
well it’s kind of a mix of whacky and embarrassing so here goes
i had this math teacher my junior and senior year of high school who was just the actual worst. i mean he was weird and familiar and had shit taste in music. the kind of guy who looks like everyone and no one, and if one day i hear that the police found a corpse buried under his floorboards I’d kinda just nod and be like “yeah, sounds about right.” i mean, he married a student. that kind of teacher.
he was awful. and for some godforsaken reason he thought we were friends and even that we had an inside joke because one day i had calc first period and i hadn’t had coffee yet and he kept calling on me and i just looked him in the eye and i was like “look, no disrespect but it is too goddamn early for this.”
and the whole class held its breath because im a smartass and i mouth off all the time, but its usually with a smile. the teacher and i are usually palling around and i never swear at them. but he bursts out laughing and for the next two years every time i couldn’t answer a question (which was often because math is the devil) he’d be like, “oh is it too early for this?” with his serial killer white guy chuckle.
that’s not the story. that’s just some context.
one of his other more charming traits was that he was obnoxious about people using the bathroom in his class. and if we’d just come back from lunch, forget it. he’d make you sit and wait until you were sure your bladder was going to explode
on one such day i happened to get my period literally ten minutes after coming back from lunch. and it’s no big deal, i’ve got tampons in my bag, no crisis there.
so i raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom. and he just chortles at me. chortles. like we’re on a goddamn sitcom from the 50s. and then he very indulgently tells me that i should have gone during lunch. to which i respond, very politely, because i would love not to make this A Thing, that i really have to go to the bathroom.
and by this point, people are actually paying attention and most of the girls in the class have an idea what’s going on. because we’ve all been there. and men love to forget that periods exist because theyre too icky for the male constitution. fuckin whiners.
i try a third time, and i even stand up, and now he’s not laughing, he’s just kind of pissed because i’m disrupting class.
“no, you cannot leave. please sit down so we can get back to the lesson. you should’ve gone during lunch”
and then i hit my limit. my stomach hurts, my uterus is throwing a tantrum because my gay ass hasn’t given it a baby this month, and this chucklefuck is clearly not getting the hint.
so i get explicit.
“well my period didn’t come during lunch and as much as i’d love to bleed through my jeans, they were expensive so i’m going to go put in a tampon if that’s okay with you.”
i swear ive never seen a teacher turn purple before. and he just kind of stutters and points at the door. and then i left and put in my goddamn shitting tampon and then took a nap in the nurse’s office for the rest of the day