Nesta looks at the wide, midnight sky, at the lights over Velaris, at the most beautiful city she has ever seen.
Not that she was ever able to see much outside of their little village, even if she wanted to.
From her window, she can hear the laughter coming from the streets, just as well as she can hear Elain tossing and turning in her bed, even if she said a sweet, yawning goodnight to Nesta several hours ago.
It took a while, but Nesta knew Elain needed to talk about Graysen, about the future she might have had, about the life that vanished like smoke in front of her eyes; but Elain, Elain smiled, grasping the jacket of that red haired Fae, and that smile, that smile makes Nesta remember how she shoved him, thinking that Elain would only be in danger, but maybe, from now on, if Nesta shoved him away it would be as if she shoved away her sister, too.
Nesta turns to look at the chimney, at the fire burning, and the dancing of the flames that as always calms down the roaring in her head, soothes her like nothing ever did and she hopes it can calm whatever is wrong with her- this, this feeling out of place that she feels.
It’s not only for the Night Court, not only for this whole place that is so strange, it’s more, it’s as if a part of her, but outside of her, is calling, pulling at her heart, at her veins, at everything that she is, and she thinks-
Her thoughts make no sense, have no logic, and they make her feel more than she ever did and it’s always him, him, him.
She remembers with painful clarity everything that happened in Hybern, everything,but the moment that wave of power engulfed him and his wings-she doesn’t know, didn’t ask what happened to them or, or to him, she couldn’t, she tried, but the words got stuck in her mouth.
She walks to the fire, sits in front of the earth and the warmth-
it reminds her of him.
It reminds her of her hand on his chest, of his fingers brushing her cheek-his touch gentle, so incredibly gentle and in that moment, that touch,the promise he made her, the sincerity in his voice-
It was more than she could take and she had-she had to look away, focus on those Queens because the hazel in his eyes was burning her alive.
And she tried, she tried to not think of him, all this time, because when she started, she couldn’t seem to stop.
The way he-how he turned to shield the other Fae, Azriel, without a thought for himself, that scream-
she remembers. She remembers it all.
She closes her eyes, her hand closed into a fist in front of her mouth
there’s no water in her lungs, there’s no water, there’s no-
Her eyes are burning, and she should- she should sleep, there’s no use in staying up all night, it won’t bring her anything.
But she-she’s scared of closing her eyes, she will drown, she will drown, she will drown, she will hear the water splashing under Elain’s feet, she will see the despeartion in Feyre’s eyes, she will hear his scream-
Her hands go in her hair, pulling-she can’t behave like this, like a child, there’s no point.
She gives one last look to the fire, feeling that pull, harder, sharper, like someone is calling her name, but the voice is too low, like a whisper, and she-
she wants to answer.
She wakes up at with the first rays of the sun, Elain’s face in front of hers and she’s uttering that name under her breath, Lucien, and Nesta knows she’s dreaming and it seems like a beautiful dream, because Elain smiles, a tiny smile and Nesta can’t believe it, they saw each other for just a moment, was it enough for that mating bond to do whatever kind magic it implied? How does it work? Does- does it call to you?
Nesta gets out of the bed so fast her head spins and the floor is too cold under her feet, like it never was
it’s not normal, it’s not right
She walks out of the room, traces the corridors, looks at each of the doors, at the intricate drawings on the walls and this place;
this is Feyre’s home.
Nesta arrives in the main room and food appears on the table as fast as a blink and she jolts back, surprised. She can’t help but wonder if she will ever get used to this,
no, no, no, don’t, don’t eat, don’t let them win
this voice, the same voice in the back of her head all her life, her lifeline, her rage.
Of what use would it be now? Where would it lead her? Of what use was it to her in all this years?
Who is she without it?
“Good Morning, Nesta.” she doesn’t need to turn to acknowledge the voice, it’s the tiredness in it, the sadness.
“It’s hardly morning.” she answers, turning to face Rhysand, half the man he was when she saw him in her home.
She wonders if Feyre took a part of him with her.
He chuckles, like he expected that kind of reaction from her, and she moves to the other end of the room, making the table stand between them.
She turns to face him, her finger running over the edge of a glass as she asks “How is my sister?”
“So what Mor said is the truth.” he answers and her eyes snap to him and just when she is about to tell him that he did not answer her question, he says “There’s no smell coming off of you, and I can’t get into your mind. It irks me, especially this early in the morning.”
She opens her mouth and she feels the rage rising only at the thought that he tried to get inside her head.
“How dare you.” she says, her voice low and growling and he looks at her, his expression serious, looks her up and down and Nesta hates him.
“How is my sister?” she asks again, eager to get out of this room.
He passes his hands on his tunic, as if to clean it from an invisible stain “She is well.”is all he says, and Nesta wants to know more, wants to-but it’s a second, a swirling of shadows, and he’s no longer there.
The glass in Nesta’s hand breaks.
Blood drips from her palm and soaks through the blue tablecloth, painting it black.
She presses her other hand on the wound, trying to calm her breathing, it’s nothing, it’s nothing, is just a stupid wound, it’s nothing, nothing.
Nesta searches for a place to clean her wound, a place to get air into her lungs, a place out of here because this isn’t-she shouldn’t be able to break a glass with her bare hands, she wasn’t-she isn’t strong enough, it’s impossible, it’s impossible.
She sees a door and the scent of fire and air pulls her through, she will be safe there, she will-
when she opens the door, she sees him hoisting himself up on his arms, his wings covered in bandages, his eyes wide and wild, going to her hand to her face and back again.
Cassian, Cassian, Cassian
She turns, runs through the corridor and to her room to find Elain awake and she can barely hear her over the frantic beat of her heart,, over the voice in her head that screams his name
Cassian, Cassian, Cassian
“Nesta, are you hurt? Is that blood?” she looks at her sister, at her soft brown eyes and when Elain takes the edge of the bed sheet and rips the fabric, the sound of it-it’s too loud, the tearing-
Now, now she can only hear someone screaming, and she wants them to stop, stop,stop and her knees hurt as if she fell, but she didn’t, she didn’t, she didn’t
make the screaming stop, make it stop, please
Someone moves toward her, all flowers and kindness, and then stops, because the room is on fire, it must be, she smells it, feels the reassuring warmth of the flames all around her, but-
but it’s not fire, not only fire, it’s blood and bandages and air and earth and wings and now she finally can breathe.
“I’m giving you five seconds to get the fuck up, or else.” Namjoon warns him. “Or else what,” Yoongi scoffs. “You’re gonna read my mind to death?” “Really? You wanna go there?” Namjoon is looking down at him with narrow eyes. “Okay, okay, okay.” Yoongi reluctantly gets up and stretches. He didn’t need his friend digging into his thoughts early in the morning. “Give me five minutes to get ready.” “Three minutes.” Namjoon replies, looking at his watch. “Or else we’re going to be late for Combat Training.”
…that the temperature isn’t below zero and currently the sun is fighting it’s way through the slight morning fog and and few clouds. But here and there you can already see the milky blue sky. And this weather (when inside - outside its way too cold to compare still lol) and light just reminds me so much of the light in Rome. And now I have JIB feels! :’) And I realized to the day it’s exactly three months until I’ll travel to this beautiful city. :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU LOVELY AMAZING TRASHCAN 🎂 🎂 AND I HOPE ITS STILL YOUR BIRTHDAY BECAUSE OF TIME ZONE REASONS OMG HAVE FUN TODAY AND DO BIRTHDAY THINGS ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Ahhhhhhh thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu, super awesome Trashcan Three! *tackle hugs* Lmao don’t worry it’s the morning of my birthday so you are definitely not late! And oooh I know gonna have fun, I just had yummy banana bread for breakfast (delicious food coming up all day, that’s going to be the highlight apart from meeting up with my friends LOL).
collection of fake anime caps I did yesterday/this morning ?? all together lol christ. Apparently doing darker ones = easier than bright ones cause my poor 2px lining skills become evident in THE LIGHT. Never again. It’s high speaking in all of them for some reason oops
Anon:Hey, can I request something? Idk, cute daddy Calum where she is giving birth at home and he is cute and caring with her while the deliver and you can take from here, please? Just cute and fluffy, lots of daddy Calum feels rn lol
A/N: I had planned this to be a one shot but it was getting too long, it needed to be split into two maybe three parts. Sorry its so late, I’ve had a lot of things get in the way and i’ve had pretty much 0 motivation or inspirations but I’m back (Hopefully).
“Caluuuuuuum” you whined, putting your arms around his waist as he attempted to leave the bed. You were all snuggled up on a lazy Sunday morning only to have it ruined by Calum saying he needed to go. You had just gotten comfy too which was a rarity now considering you were 8 months pregnant.
“I have an interview babe, you stay asleep and I’ll be back before you know it” his husky voice whispered in your ear, the warm morning breath tickling your cheek before he placed a short sweet kiss there.
“Mmmm” you groaned. Half pissed he was leaving but half elated his snores won’t bother you anymore. You mumbled a goodbye after he had gotten dressed and left, falling asleep almost instantly as the front door closed.
You woke up a little later than you had wanted and a little more uncomfortable than you were used to. Being 8 months pregnant wasn’t the easiest of things. You felt like you were carrying a heavy book bag on your front 24/7 and you couldn’t wait until you could take it off. At first it was all exciting and amazing watching the bump grow and expand to create a nice little home for your baby, but now you were sick of it, all of it. The fact you couldn’t see your toes anymore, the fact you had to ask Calum to help you sit up a lot, the fact you had to pee almost 80 times a day, it was all shit.
Even Calum had to admit, it was all pretty boring now, he missed a lot of things but not the same things you did. He could see your toes and didn’t complain when he needed to pull his whale of a fiancé up off of the couch, oh no, he missed the sex. After the bump started going up, he refused to do anything that could potentially hurt the baby.
He proposed to you a month before you found out you were pregnant, raising the “is that why you’re engaged?” Question on a ridiculously high amount of times. The truth was that he asked you to marry him and you said yes, leading to celebratory sex, leading to inability to sit up.
After 20 minutes of huffing and puffing, you managed to sit up and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. Everything felt strange today, there was a weird eerie presence that made everything seem out of the ordinary, even simply standing up felt different. As you walked over to the door you suddenly felt a sharp pain cut across your lower back. Were you suddenly unfit to carry the heavy bump? This had never happened before. You shrugged and carried on downstairs to the kitchen to get yourself the usually pregnant breakfast, toast dipped in pickle juice. It’s fair to say Calum retching at your breakfast was normal because if you weren’t pregnant, even you would gag at this.
You put the toast in and reached up for the pickles, why Calum had put the jar so high, you had no idea, it’s as if he didn’t expect you to want this after 4 solid months of having this for breakfast everyday. He knew you were too short, why did he have to make everything difficult. You managed to lace your fingers around the jar lightly before another sudden pain stretched across your bump, you panicked and dropped the jar on the floor, letting it smash before following suit and curling up on the ground, holding your stomach and squeezing your eyes shut.
A few moments passed before you felt like you could finally breathe again. The pain was still there, at least the feeling of it being there once was there, but it seemed slightly more bearable. A panic surged through you as the thought of going into labour a month early crossed your mind. No no no, not now, not while Calum’s not here. Of course it’s going to happen when Calum’s not here, that’s just your luck isn’t it?!
You waited on the floor for a few minutes, waiting to see if another one would come but when nothing happened you shrugged and started making a plan on how you would get up but as soon as you reached your arm towards the counter-top and began to pull yourself up, another pain was sent through your body, surly this wasn’t normal.
Panting and frightened, you sat back down on the floor, cradling your tummy in your arms, silently cursing your baby for having bad timing. You looked down and realised your pyjama bottoms were soaked through, you must have sat in the pickle juice… Although… That’s an awful lot of juice for such a little jar… Fuck that’s not juice at all! No this can’t be happening, you’re not ready for this, where the hell is Calum?!
Calum. Calum! You needed to call Calum! You searched the room with your eyes before they landed on the home phone in the counter opposite where you were on the floor in a sweat. You scooted across the floor as best you could, the lifting of your weight exhausting you immediately. You reached up and just about managed to knock the phone off of the counter, thanking God it landed in your lap. As you dialled Calum’s number, your finger fumbled and pressed the wrong buttons. After 3 tries you finally got ahold of him.
“Hello?” He asked into the phone. You realised he didn’t know it was you because you were phoning from the home phone, something you had never done before.
“C-Calum?!” You panted into the phone. The pains you were feeling were unbearable. It’s almost like you screamed into the phone. Well actually you did, Calum had answered the phone seconds after leaving the room where the interview took place, you were screaming so loudly even the other boys could hear your cries.
“Y/N? What’s wrong are you okay?!” He asked, now panicked, this was why they never really left you, you were either going with them, causing you to feel bad for holding them up, or they just didn’t go, also causing you to feel bad on them missing out on some major opportunities. This was an exception because it was pretty much a few blocks away from you and he finally gave in and let you stay behind. Bad choice.
“M-my wa-ter broke” you squealed into the phone as the highest point of the pain tipped over and the sharpness wore off a little, although you knew it would soon return much bigger and stronger.You heard his silence and thought he had fainted, something you had both joked about before, saying how he would probably do that but to your surprise, he was still conscious.
“You had better not be joking with me Y/N” He said in monotone. You began getting cross with him, how was he still standing there doing nothing while you were about to push a child out of yourself?!
“No I’m not fucking joking you dick, get here now!” You snapped into the phone, Calum knew you were serious by this point, you only ever raised your voice when he had done something wrong or you really needed help, this was one of those time.
“Oh my God okay, Y/N okay just breathe for me okay? Keep doing those breathing exercises we learnt in birthing class okay? Just hold on, I’ll be home in a minute and we’ll take you to hospital” You were surprised by how calm he was being, you thought he would be freaking out about you moments from birth. You heard a muffling then assumed he was talking to the boys and covering the speaker in his shirt to stop you hearing their conversation. Little did he know you could hear it perfectly.
“Boys we need to leave now” He said sternly earning groans from the three lads.
“We just ordered food” Michael moaned and pointed to the lady walking out of the room with a list of what the boys wanted from the restaurant down the street.
“Well you could either eat or take me home so I can take my fiancé to the hospital" he groaned at how lazy the boys were being when, for all he knew, his child was being born on the kitchen floor.
“Wait. Are you serious?” You hear Michael ask after a short burst f laughter from him, apparently this entire situation is just the lead up to some sort of joke with everyone.
“Yes I’m serious! Now come on!” Calum screamed and a chorus of “oh shit” rang through the phone. “Y/N? Y/N? Are you still there? Are you okay?”
“Justgetherenow!” You said without breath as another contraction took over your body. There was a lot of ruffling and a lot of yelling before it went quiet. You checked the phone to see it was shut off and the battery had run dry. “Fuck!” You yelled and threw the phone, watching it smash into pieces as it made contact with a cupboard.
You sat on the floor, panting and sweating, praying for the boys to walk in at any moment and take you to hospital, but the longer it took the closer you got to pressing this baby out. About an hour had passed and still no Calum, causing you to worry. There was nothing more you can do but sit on the floor and keep your legs squeezed shut.