and like there is nothing worthwhile about me

commandcrshepard  asked:

I've finished my Early Access and, honestly? If you love Mass Effect, you have nothing to worry about. It's everything I could have asked for in a ME game, and you know how invested I am in Shepard :p but I never once felt like I was leaving 'my' mass effect behind, the feel of the original trilogy is still there without a shadow of a doubt. Makes all this stress worthwhile.

Good. I’m relieved. Thank you :)

Now I just need to wait a few days…

Dear A,

I remember the first time I lost you, I felt like I’ve lost the core of my existence and my heart hurt so much I couldn’t breathe. And I felt the same tonight. It hurts me how you left with my mistake being the last topic we discussed about, or the fact that you said nothing for me to leave with, knowing that everything was worthwhile and not a regret. Or maybe it just hurts that I was losing you even after I let go of my pride and ego and asked you to stay. I will always ask myself on why do you not want me so much to the point it is worth wasting love for? I will always hate my days because of what could have been. Why did you never fight for me? Was I not worth it, did I never make you happy or change your life? Did everything — the good and bad never show something? Because I will never not fight for you. You were given another reason to stay away and I was paralyzed in fear thinking of forever without you. Because I don’t think I can, honestly. I love you so much, so much. With all my heart, body, soul and mind. And even if everyone finds me stubborn, this love of mine I have carried through the good and bad days, even the ones I could not get through. Why did you not fight for us? Is love really not enough? I wish I made you happy because I tried so hard and I’d give everything for you to be. But if it’s staying away, I am devastated and scared of not being with you. Please tell me that maybe one day, our love will be enough to try for again. Because I need something of this to hold on to, please. Please do not ask me to be okay because I don’t see myself being okay. Meeting you brought light to my life and being with you was the only time I’ve ever been happy. I will always love you. I love you, A. Today, tomorrow, forever. I love you. Please remember that. Please don’t leave me. I can’t live without you.

—  The letter I wrote to him after our last goodbye.