Almost || Dan Howell
A/N: I don’t know whatever this is, I just felt like writing it… I hope it’s alright
Word Count: 1.2K
“Is this how you want this to end?” I whispered, my bottom lip quivering.
I looked up into his cold brown eyes in search of any sign of emotion. There was nothing. It didn’t hurt him like it hurt me.
“Maybe this was doomed from the beginning.” I said more to myself than to him.
All my life I had always been the one who loved people way more than they loved me. I was that kind of girl and he was that kind of boy who barely loved people.
I was a hopeless romantic and he was a rationalist.
It didn’t make any sense but somehow, I still fell for him, hard.
He didn’t fall at all.
I saw that now.
A few weeks earlier, I was walking through the busy city centre, carrying a few bags. I was out shopping since my aunt was going to get married next week and I still needed a dress. After having tried on about fifteen different ones I finally found a light blue lacey dress that fit perfectly.
I happily payed for my new piece of clothing before I headed out of the store.
The streets were busy but no matter where I went I always looked for his face in the crowd. He never left my mind, whenever I saw a tall, brown haired guy my heart beat faster in the hope of it being Dan. Most of the time the man I spotted would turn around and look nothing like him.
When I walked into a little local coffee shop after my exhausting shopping day, a little bell rang as I opened the door. It smelled heavenly like cake and caramel. It was a rainy spring day and I was really looking forward to a big cup of hot chocolate
“That will be 10.30” the cashier told a tall, brown-haired boy who was wearing a leather jacket.
My heart was jumping by now. Could it be him?
“Have a nice day.” I heard the guy say in a posh accent and by now I couldn’t avert my eyes from his tall frame.
When he turned around to walk to his table, I was suddenly face to face with Dan.
“Oh hey! Nice to see you around.” he exclaimed and hugged me.
I smiled brightly and hugged him back.
It was actually him this time. Dan and I had met a couple of times through our mutual friend Phil. Since then we used to talk on the phone quite often. We had never met up without Phil though and while I was sure that I had feelings for Dan, it was highly possible that I was just a friend in his eyes.
I still had hope though and when he asked me to sit down at his table my heart was smiling.
We talked for about an hour before Dan had to leave and we kept in contact through texts after.
Phil did invite us both over a couple of times but Dan never acted like I would have expected him to act. We had been talking to each other on the phone for nearly half a year and still when we met in person I was like a stranger to him.
The thing between us was a constant up and down of him showing interest in me and him ignoring me.
I on the other hand fall hard for people and once I have fallen for them there is no way back. He was driving me crazy and he was all I could think about.
After we had finally met up a few times on our own, without Phil, I was basically sure that he was the right one.
So, what happened you might now ask, if you read the conversation at the start of this story. I will tell you, I will tell you and it will hurt.
I think it was a Friday and I was fine and an hour later I wasn’t fine anymore.
It was already dark outside when I got onto the bus on my way to Phil’s flat. He had invited me and Dan over once again. The first thing I noticed was a tall, brown haired guy in the back of the bus. My heart jumped up and down again as I walked past a few empty seats before I sat down next to Dan.
“Hi” I chirped happily and gave him a short little hug.
It wasn’t that unlikely to meet him here since we lived pretty close and we both had to be at Phil’s at 8pm.
We made a little bit of small talk before we reached our stop and got off. To get to our friend’s flat we had to walk about five minutes from the bus station and I was enjoying the time I could spend with Dan.
“This feels like a date.” I joked, but I think we both knew that I wasn’t really joking. I immediately regretted that I said that as I saw Dan’s expression.
“I don’t feel the same way, Y/N.” he suddenly blurted out as my face fell.
“What?” I asked him, wide eyed and completely dumbfounded.
“About us, you like me way more than I like you.”
I couldn’t believe his words, my hopes were crushed and I was shocked because we were suddenly talking about our feelings. I felt like dying on the inside.
“Why did you spent half a year texting and meeting up with me then!?” I wanted to know. I had been pretty hopeful that he could like me back, but apparently, I was wrong.
“I was lonely and I guess I like you, but that feeling is not strong enough. It’s nothing compared to how you feel about me.” Dan explained, throwing his hands up in defence.
“All you did was lead me on! Dan, I’m so damn into you it hurts and you just got my hopes up because you were lonely?” I shouted at him, I felt empty and betrayed.
I kicked a little stone with my foot and it flew across the pavement. We passed a few street lights and Phil’s flat was in sight already.
“So, is this how you want this to end?” I asked Dan silently, from my voice he could tell that I was close to crying.
“I’m sorry.” he told me somewhat truthfully and I understood that he couldn’t choose who he had feelings for.
“Tell Phil that I couldn’t make it.” I snivelled as I turned around to walk back to the bus station. I had the strong desire to just hide in my bed for the next week or two.
“Believe me, I’m so sorry that we ended with an almost.”