and know your worth

anonymous asked:

*curtsies* dear duke, how are you so... self-assured? i do not mean to be rude, i actually admire this characteristic. i just wonder... how do you sound so certain & collected, so confident? how did you know your words were worth it before your book came out, before accomplishments or any praise? [i know this is a weird personal question so i understand if you don't feel like replying, and apologies for any eventual grossout.]

*Curtsies* Well, part of what you have to consider is that everything you hear from me comes in written format through the internet, which means that I have the ability to read back through it and make sure it doesn’t sound muddled and totally inarticulate before actually posting it. So as much as I would like to pretend that I’m eloquent and sure-speaking all the time, that’s not true (AT ALL). Point is: take everything I say in context. Typing a post isn’t the same as speaking on the spot. 

As for the rest of it, I have honestly noticed that the older I get, the less I care about what other people think of me and my work. I don’t know whether I’m just getting jaded or I’ve just learned that other people’s approval isn’t nearly as important as my own. I’m pretty okay with who I am as a person and what I’m doing with my life and there’s no reason to pretend that isn’t the case, because I’ve worked really, really hard to get to where I am. We live in a culture that teaches us (especially women) to always be self-effacing and self-deprecating, because as soon as you say something like, “I’m smart,” or “I’m good at [x],” people read that as arrogance instead of confidence. Personally I think that’s idiotic, so I’ve been working on not selling myself short. Yeah, I’m intelligent. I don’t think it makes me an asshole to say that. Yes, I think I have some talent as a writer (though plenty of people have told me the opposite). I don’t think it makes me an asshole to say that, either. Because there are P L E N T Y of good qualities I know I don’t have and things I’m willing to admit I’m absolutely rotten at. I’m more than a little obsessive. I am not a patient or a sensitive person. I have a capacity to be tremendously caustic and short-tempered, and sometimes the fact that I’m good with words makes that a whole hell of a lot worse. I’m often too loud, too quick to judge, too dismissive of people I disagree with. This is all true. I’m not proud of any of it. But I’m also not ashamed of my good qualities. Knowing your worth is really important, especially when you move out of school and into the real world and have to start convincing people that you deserve this job/promotion/degree/whatever it is that you want. Ultimately self-confidence isn’t about vanity; it’s about survival. It’s hard. But it’s also healthy. 

To address the writing thing specifically: I really didn’t know whether anything I’d written was ‘worth it’. I’d had plenty of peers and teachers tell me my writing just didn’t have that je ne sais quois that makes it ‘good.’ I’ve mentioned this before, but I got rejected from senior honors at my university and then got rejected again by ten different MFA programs. Believe me, there was a lot of doubt. But I still had faith in what I’d written, I’d been writing and reading long enough to know that even though it was a far cry from perfect it had potential, and I decided to start reaching out to agents because I still wanted to try that despite all of the nay-saying and rejection that had already happened. It felt like a bit of a Hail Mary. And with a good 80% of the agents I queried it was: just a long shot launched toward the end zone with no receiver in sight. But it just so happened that a couple agreed it had potential, and I finally clicked with one, and the rest is history. Art is highly subjective. The same piece of writing that ten MFA programs rejected is getting published now by a Big Five house. Go figure. Am I certain it’s ‘good,’ even now? Hell no. Two years and fifty-something drafts later I know it’s a lot better, but my agent and editor still have to remind me on a regular basis that yes, they think it’s good, too, and I’m not just about to publicly embarrass myself come April. 

Here’s the thing: everyone’s their own worst critic. That’s not bad. That’s what keeps you from becoming arrogant, and it’s also what helps you get better at stuff. But you should also try to be your own biggest fan, because that’s important, too. There’s no easy way to make that happen, but I think it starts with giving yourself credit for good work. For positive qualities and talent. Don’t be shy about it. Claim your best self. 

anonymous asked:

Hi Nisha :) I know if you don't wanna talk Paulerina theories publicly you prob won't wanna do it for other pairings either, but all this talk about potential cast relationships made me curious + since I don't have a tumblr to ask you privately, I figured it was at least worth a try: I'd love to know your Somergraham and Somergreed thoughts, any chance of u sharing? Even just a little? :)

My theory on Somergraham is that Kat didn’t care for Ian at first (like she’d mentioned in interviews previously), but that eventually she saw past the Smolderhalder facade to what a complete dork he actually is (and I 100% stand by this assessment of Ian, like I’m sorry but I just can’t get with all the smooth/sexy Ian fangirling, all of his lines in the facebook videos and contests and stuff are cheesy and he just seems like such a nerd with all the reading and being obsessed with the things/people he values…). Anyway, I think there might have been some level of attraction between the two of them, but the timing never worked out? And then in the meantime, they became really close friends, with her being someone who he felt understood him on a deep level which must be rare for a celeb, and him being someone who has consistently supported her, both professionally and seemingly emotionally.

Somergreed is just all in my head lol, based on how cute Nikki and Kat are in photographs. I just really like the idea of them being a polyamorous trio, making art and saving the world one cause/campaign at a time.

anonymous asked:

Question? Ok so I'm a swtor player that follows you and loves your post but like What advice would you give to someone who's Muslim and wants to dress like a normal person and not religiously at all but if I do dress the way I want to then I know my parents would probably get really abusive towards me? So do I save up money and plan to leave or what? I'm in my last year of universite and I don't know what to do anymore like I don't think I believe in the religion as strongly as I did before

You have to stay safe and always think about your priorities. Are your beliefs worth sacrificing your life for?

You don’t know how far your family and/or relatives will go to suppress your lack of belief, your religious transgressions, or your straying away from the flock. You don’t know what they might know or suspect about you, depending on your cultural background and geographical location. If you are male it may be easier to hide your lack of faith. If you are female you have to hide, literally and figuratively, for as long as you value your freedom of thought.

Finish your studies, graduate, stay laser focused on your future. Think practical until you become self-sufficient, and can garantee your own safety if you so wish to leave your religion. It takes another kind of sacrifice which is your voice, your appearance and your social life. But this time, you know your worth and you can work towards a better life for yourself.

Leaving Islam is no mere decision. In some parts of America it’s the same with Christianity. Let’s just say that any community with a high concentration of Muslims will make it difficult for one person to stand out. Those who believe in the Qur’an and the Sunna will never approve of apostasy. You risk being shunned, disowned, kicked out of your home, or worse. I know negotiation and debating ideas is out of the question for you and your parents, unless they are open to some sort of awakening themselves but let’s not dream too much.

I’m honored that you came to me with your concerns and I’m happy that you can find an escape in playing swtor and reading my posts. I’ll keep thinking about your question now and then, and if you keep an eye out I might make another post to help support other people in a similar situation.

I never say this, but this time I think it’s appropriate.

May the Force be with you. 

“You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t find yourself in. You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t love yourself in.

You’re allowed to leave a city that has dimmed your light instead of making you shine brighter, you’re allowed to pack all your bags and start over somewhere else and you’re allowed to redefine the meaning of your life.

You’re allowed to quit the job you hate even if the world tells you not to and you’re allowed to search for something that makes you look forward to tomorrow and to the rest of your life.

You’re allowed to leave someone you love if they’re treating you poorly, you’re allowed to put yourself first if you’re settling and you’re allowed to walk away when you’ve tried over and over again but nothing has changed.

You’re allowed to let toxic friends go, you’re allowed to surround yourself with love, and people who encourage and nurture you. You’re allowed to pick the kind of energy you need in your life.

You’re allowed to forgive yourself for your biggest and smallest mistakes and you’re allowed to be kind to yourself, you’re allowed to look in the mirror and actually like the person you see.

You’re allowed to set yourself free from your own expectations.”

- Rainia Nam (Huffington Post)

Be confident with who you are and if you find you are in the company of those who cannot see how great you are, don’t be afraid to cut them off, okay?

Be present. Make love. Make tea. Avoid small talk. Embrace conversation. Buy a plant, water it. Make your bed. Make someone else’s bed. Have a smart mouth, and quick wit. Run. Make art. Create. Swim in the ocean. Swim in the rain. Take chances. Ask questions. Make mistakes. Learn. Know your worth. Love fiercely. Forgive quickly. Let go of what doesn’t make you happy. Grow.
—  Paolo Coelho
Stereotypes I dislike about the Signs

Aries: Mean af // It’s because you’re sensitive

Taurus: Stubborn // It’s because you know what’s best for you

Gemini: Flaky // It’s because you’re scared to get hurt

Cancer: Helpless // It’s because you’re cautious and want to make the right decisions

Leo: Prideful // It’s because you know your worth

Virgo: Rude // It’s because you’re scared of other people and their opinions

Libra: Two faced // It’s because you want to protect yourself

Scorpio: Always horny // It’s because you want to love everyone

Sagittarius: Leaves people behind // It’s because you prioritize what’s best for you

Capricorn: Cold // It’s because you want to make sure the people around you are trustworthy

Aquarius: Entitled // it’s because you want the best quality of everything

Pisces: Oversensitive // It’s because you care so much for other people

I don’t think it was love that I felt towards him, it was more of an infatuation. He had the power to make me feel like the most important person in the world or make me feel like I was worthless. I think I stayed with him for so long because I gave him so much power over me but finally I realised that I was addicted to him and if I didn’t leave then he would destroy me. So that’s exactly what I did, I left. It wasn’t easy but as soon as I accepted that I didn’t need a boy to love me to feel like I was worth something and that my own love was enough I finally realised what I deserved.
—  know your worth and what you deserve and don’t ever settle.