and just...everything

2

So today I’ve been to the hospital and finally got my first hormones. It took about three years, but at least I got them now! 
Now it’s just keep being patient while they do their thing, which also takes quite some time. But at least it has finally begun!

i always dismissed theories about how our menstrual cycles have any significant effect on our moods or cycles. i always chalked it up to the physical stress that affected my mood. i watched a TED talk about a woman who literally schedules her entire month and productivity based on her cycle and i remember scoffing at it. until i paid attention to the notes i was taking on my period app and the moods i’ve tracked. 

the further away from my cycle, the more frequently i selected moods like “focused, motivated, excited, energetic.” the week before my period was when id start frequenting my mental health apps more. when i started to overthink more. when i started questioning my relationships more. “motivated” turned into “stressed, anxious, confused, lethargic.” not even just physically, cause that’s expected. but my brain gets foggy. my days are a blur. im unsure about all my decisions. it sounds awful but it’s the one time of the month that im fully in touch with my emotions. this is when i have a chance for catharsis. all the emotions i suppressed for the sake of productivity and functionality teem until i have no choice but to finally confront them. they usually manifest in an ugly way (im still trying to get a hold of this) but the end result is me ending this month’s cycle with a clean slate and no emotional baggage. then im back to regular scheduling.