Fingers found a purchase around the edge of the door frame. Rashomon leaning in, supporting his weight against it. Perhaps the words had been thoughts, or maybe spoken out loud. Sometimes he wasn’t sure one way or the other, especially when his host’s back was to him like this. But truly what did it matter? Those words had come from Ryunosuke in some pathway and either way, they were true.
Whether or not the black beast was meant to hear them was immaterial as well. He had, and worst of all he had felt their meaning radiating from the male. A pain almost unknown to him. He couldn’t quite explain it. Physical pain was so familiar, hurt, fatigue, the burning and aching of muscles. That he could understand, he could solve that. This?
It was like a fire, burning in unnatural light within his love. A festering green flame that licked at his thoughts and heart. Something the demon didn’t know how to combat as there was no physical source, nothing he could touch or heal. At least not that he knew. But that sure as hell didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. Ryu was in pain, and all the words that screamed inside his head, the demon could hear.
The voice came the same moment his body straightened up, pushing off into the dimly lit study. It was soft and gentle, announcing himself as well as putting a block, an anchor in the words that raced inside the man’s head. Something to seal his own place there before he continued.
Given barely a glance the demon continued in, moving over to take a delicate brush from the desk. Slipping it into his pocket. With a silent grace he moved over beside his host. Coming to rest on the floor before him, knees against the hard wood and resting back on his haunches.
A hand moved, reaching to firmly grasp the balled up fist that rest on thin legs. His own digits enveloping the delicate fingers. Wrapping around so that only his were visible. Thumb silently gliding back and forth against pale skin. He took a moment before raising his eyes, just watching the two hands that seemed to now meld into one. When the ruby gaze finally did lift, peering through the messy curtain of black, he was almost unsure if it would be met.
“I guess it’s almost unfair, having your thoughts and feelings felt so easily sometimes. Can’t say I mind it too much though. You always seem to know when I need a little help.”
He shifted his weight a little, scooting body to rest against the legs that reached the floor from the chase. Giving him the ability to rest his free elbow on the mattress.
“Only problem, I can’t actually read your mind, just how you feel. Well, save the really intense thoughts. But I guess I don’t get a hint sometimes to what caused you to be upset, only that you are. Doesn’t matter though, wont change what I do.”
Rashomon gave a little puff of air through his nose, a frustrated sigh.
“That’s a lie this time, isn’t it? I can tell you’re pissed about something I did or was involved in. Else you’d be a little more open with your thoughts. And yea, I can’t completely address it if I don’t know what it is. But hell, you make me feel better when I’m too damn stubborn to talk, so why not? I can do the same too.”
Fingers from the free hand tapped at the chase, trying to gather his thoughts. The demon wasn’t good with words, especially not like this man. But he wasn’t about to let that stop him. Ryunosuke fought through so much, with and many times without his direct help. Sure he was there, but it was the host that suffered. He was just along for the ride, aiding and giving his power, but he wasn’t the one to put himself out there time and time again. This might not be a battle, or even a training against impossible odds and cruel tactics, but mentally what really was the difference?
“Whatever hurts. It’s lying to you. Whatever the hell that thought that’s in your head. It’s just false words and ideas. I can prove it. The proof is in the pain. If it hurts, it’s not true, it’s not me. Because I would never fucking hurt you ever, Ryunosuke. And I’ll destroy anything or anyone that makes you think differently.”
His hand constricted around his love’s own. Gently squeezing it. The action was almost unconscious, happening gradually, more and more as he spoke.
“I’ve never understood how I fell in love with you, but I do. If I know anything it’s that I do love you more than anything. There’s no other possible explanation for the feeling I have. And it’s so fucking annoying that I don’t know how to act when I’m in love with someone. Hell I don’t think either of us do sometimes. So…”
Rashomon had to pause, thinking back to what he had just spoken before. The contradictory nature of some of it. He wasn’t lying, he didn’t think he could possibly lie to this man. But he was wrong about something, wasn’t he?
“Shit, I guess that means something I do could hurt you, couldn’t it? Because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
He had glanced away, seeming clearly angry with himself. But his hand never left the one he held so tightly. His mind now just as noisy and upset as the first man’s, only this was aimed at the creature himself.
“If you feel that, if something I do ever does cause you to hurt or worry or just makes you question me in any way. It’s only because I’m not used to this.”
Whipping his head back around Rashomon pushed himself up to his knees once more. Facing the man, pressed up between his legs with both hands firmly cupping his cheeks. He wasn’t going to let either of them look away, not this time. That same anger had turned to a fierce determination, causing his eyes to crackle and spark even more than normal.
“I love you, Akutagawa Ryunosuke. Even more than that damn word can convey! There’s not a human word for the love and loyalty and total devotion I have for you. Hell, because no one has ever lived like we have, no one else could possibly have this connection or level of trust and understanding. Don’t forget that ever. You’ve trusted me this long with your life, give me the trust for your heart too. I promise I will do everything I can to make you happy. And if I hurt you, believe in me. Tell me, let me fix my stupid actions or assure you that it’s just in your head. Whatever it is…,”
you’ve changed. your eyes now sparkle like the stars in the sky and they now light up like the moon at night. it wasn’t me that brought color back into your life but, i still wish for you to always be by my side.
Thank you so much for following me! I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever have more than 500 followers, let alone 5000! It’s only been 3 ½ weeks since there were 4000 of you, I just don’t even… I’m so thankful I can’t even form sentences right now! Anyway, I’m sorry this isn’t more glamorous (no animations or what not), I’ve been pretty sick, but I saw the Volume 10 manga cover, and new I had to use it for this! Names are reprinted below: without anyone who I follow my blog would seemingly not exist, so thank you to everyone on my blogroll here.