and it's cool i can live with this

The Most Beautiful Man In The World, Who Lives In My Building And Only Ever Sees Me When I Look Disgusting

The Most Beautiful Man In The World lives in my building. i don’t know his name. we met on a bus, when i smiled WAY too brightly at him for strangers because, honest to god, my whole heart lit up in a way that made me think, “oh, i must know that guy!!” no. i didn’t. he’s just The Most Beautiful Man In The World.

what does The Most Beautiful Man In The World look like? i will tell you:

  • like the way the sun spills over water at dusk
  • like the way food smells when you’re hungry
  • like the sound angels make when they’re doing folk covers of pop songs on their heavenly harps
  • and also kind of like the guy who played Chad in “high school musical,” if the guy who played Chad in “high school musical” was the most beautiful man in the world.

i tell you this not only to brag that i live in the same apartment complex as The Most Beautiful Man In The World but also because i want to know WHY, if there even IS A GOD, every single time i run into The Most Beautiful Man In The World i look like a LITERAL DUMPSTER TROLL that has just CRAWLED OUT OF ITS GARBAGE HOUSE in search of FREE WIFI AND A SLURPEE. i want to know why i can never just BE COOL with The Most Beautiful Man In The World when we ride the elevator together, which is!!!! kind of often!!!!!

DID YOU GUYS KNOW that sometimes i look nice?? sometimes i actually look like a FUNCTIONING ADULT!!! sometimes i would go so far as to say i am an ATTRACTIVE INDIVIDUAL!!!!! 

you know who DOESN’T know any of that???

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN IN THE WORLD, WHO LIVES IN MY BUILDING!!!

here’s a quick rundown of the last few times i ran into The Most Beautiful Man In The World:

  • i was wearing a maxi dress i had very cleverly biked home in, without a helmet* (*don’t try that at home, kids), in the VERY HOT AFTERNOON SUN, so i was a GROSS SWEAT MONSTER but without any OBVIOUS INDICATOR that there was a normal reason for it, and i couldn’t stand to look at him so i just glared at my phone while he probably wondered, alarmed, whether i was fleeing the scene of a crime
  • i was wearing a white shirt that i had not SECONDS before spilled salsa ALL OVER in a big red stain right down the front like a KINDERGARTNER
  • i was carrying two armfuls of ENORMOUS bags of popcorn with a three musketeers bar literally in my mouth and he overheard me say through my stuffed candy cheeks to my doorman, “oh, no, i’m not having a party, this is literally all for me”
  • i dropped my backpack while opening my mail and said to it, defeatedly, “why? why did you do that when i explicitly told you not to? do you like being on the floor?” 
  • i fell into and then off of the elevator

why??? why does this happen??? what vengeful god has orchestrated it so the ONLY TIMES i ever run into The Most Beautiful Man In The World are when i could easily be mistaken for a child’s doll that has been put through the wash by accident, or a dollar bill that has been stained by years of being in people’s sweaty palms, or a mop with eyes???

whatever. everything costs money and everyone you love disappoints you. Mop Eyes out.

history of the entire world, i guess; a transcript

hi. you’re on a rock, floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it’s water. fuck it, actually most of it’s water. i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you. how did this happen? a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn’t happen. nothing was never anywhere. that’s why its been everywhere. it’s been so everywhere, you don’t need a “where”. you don’t even need a “when”. that’s how “every” it gets. (pause). forget this. i wanna be something, go somewhere, do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it’s possible because everything is here and it probably already happened. i just don’t know when to start. and that’s exactly where it started. (background noise) woah. i… paused it. i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that’s a thing, in a place. don’t like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it’s not empty yet. it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees. (about no seconds later). great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three called a “proton” or a “neutron”. and there’s something else flying around too that wants to join in but can’t cause it’s still to (HOT). (about ten minutes later). great news! the protons and the neutrons are now happily married to each other (some of them even doubled up). (about 380,000 years later). great news, the electrons have now joined in. congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space. but it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together. it’s a staaaar. new shit just got made. some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. space dust! which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into even crazier space dust. so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example. holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks, and it kinda made a mess. which is now the moon. weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space. weather update: those rocks might’ve had water inside them and now there’s Hot Steam in the sky. weather update: cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava. weather update: its raining. severe flooding alert: the entire world is now an ocean. volcano alert: that’s land. there’slifeintheocean. what? something’s alive in the ocean. oh cool, like a plant or an animal? no. a microscopic speck! it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever. oh yeah, and it can do that. it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that’s pretty nifty, i would say. tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? now you can eat sunlight. using a revolutionary technique you can convert sunlight into food. taste the sun. side effect: now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky’s blue. then the earth might’ve been a snowball for a while, maybe even a coupla times. it’s a sponge, it’s a plant, it’s a worm and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish. it’s the Cambrian explosion. “wow, that’s animals and stuff.” but we’re still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land? NoO. why? the sun is a deadly lazer. oh okay. not anymore there’s a blanket. now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land! “nope, can’t walk yet. and there’s no food yet so i don’t care.” (100 million years later) ok, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here? “maybe,” said some bugs, and fish. “uh. uh. uh.” (five million years later) “ok so i can go on land but i have to go back in the water to have babies.” (idea) learn to use an egg. “i was already doing that.” use a stronger egg, and put water in it, have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg, baby, in the water, in the egg. works for me. bye bye ocean. aaand now everything is huge. including bugs. wanna see a map of the land? sure. ah fuck, now everything’s dead. just kidding here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one because its about to become the dinosaurs. here’s another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart, don’t worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor. and the dinosaurs are gone. its mammal time! here come the mammals. look at those breasts. now they’re gonna dominate the world, and one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like ‘that’. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make… pointed rocks. “ouch.” and set things on fire. “yeouch.” and make crazy sounds with their voice (“gneurshk.”) which can mean different things. that’s a human person. and now they’re everywhere, almost. ice age. what? you can walk over here? cool. not anymore. i guess we’re stuck here now.

let’s review. there’s people on the planet. and they’re chasing their food. fuck it, time to plant some grass. look at this, i control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let’s all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food. this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this. tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it’s underground. better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. guess what happens next. more food, and more people who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in, and people to make the houses. and now there’s more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come. and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people. and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power. sociiiety. coming soon to a dank river valley near you. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing bronze, made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land. i don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it. also, guess what - egypt. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we’re getting somewhere. also, china. and did i mention indusrivervalleycivilization. norte chico. the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it’s in the middle of the east. knock knock- er, clop clop, it’s the people with the horses? and they made an empire! and then everyone else copied their horses. greeks! ah look, it must be the greeks, or a beta version of the greeks. let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization. they’re gone. guess who’s not gone? china. new arrivals in india. maybe it’s thosehorsepeopleiwastalkingabout or theircousinsorsomething. and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff. you could make a religion out of this. there’s the bronze age collapse. now the phoenicians can get down to business. also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find? thanks. look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel. and they believe in god. just one though, he’s got like a ten step program. here’s some huge heads, must be the olmec. the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. here comes the assyrian empire. nevermind it’s the babylonian- median- it’s the persian empire. “wow, that’s big.” ah, the buddha was just enlightened! who’s the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying. you could make a religion out of this. oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff. and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it’s a great idea, he was…great. and now he’s dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. knock knock, it’s chandragupta, he says, “get the hell out of here, will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? ok thanks bye; time to conquer all of india- or most of india”. but what about this part? that’s the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they’ve got spices. who would like to buy the spices? “me,” said the arabians, swiftly buying them and selling them to the rest of the world. hey, china put itself back together again with good morals as their main philosophy. actually they have three main philosophies. out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload! “bye,” said the parthians, “bye,” said the jews. “hi,” said the parthians, taking over the entire place. “heyyyyyyyy,” said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. “thanks for invading our homeland,” said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. “hi, everything’s great,” said some guy who seems to be getting very popular, and then gets arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this. want silk? now you can buy it from china! they just made a brand new road to the world…or you can get there on water. “sick, new trade routes,” said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom. there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again. “remember the persian empire? yup,” said the persians, making a new one. axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick. has anyone populated madagascar yet? let’s do it together. china is whole again…then it broke again. still can’t cross the sahara desert? try camels. “hell yeah, now we’ve got business,” said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves. “hi i live in the roman empire and i was wondering, is loving jesus legal yet?” “no” “actually ok sure,” said constantine, moving the capitol way over here to be closer to his main rival. don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall. it’s the golden age of india. there’s the gupta empire. not chandragupta, just gupta, first name chandra, the first. guess who’s in rome? barbarians. what’s a barbarian? “non-romans,” said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. or actually, just half is just fine. but it’s not in rome anymore so let’s give it a new name. the mayans have figured out the staaars. oh, and here’s a huge city, population everyone. the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks. how’s india? broken. how’s china? back together. how’s those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there’s more of them. korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.

deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad’s ear, so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods, and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this. and maybe conquer the world as well. the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus there’s new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there’s room for moors. here’s all the wisdom, in a house. it’s the baghdad house of wisdom, just in time for the islamic golden age. “let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast,” said the swahili on the swahili coast. remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now. wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. “surprise, you’re the new roman emperor,” said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france. the northerners, or just norse if you don’t have that much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north, and they find some land. two types of land, and they name them accordingly. they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as vikings. there’s the rus, the kievan rus. are they vikings? “i don’t think so,” said the kievan rus. ok, fair enough. the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire, the holy roman empire. it’s actually germany but don’t worry about it. new kingdoms! christianizeallthekingdoms. which brand would you like? “mine’s better,” “mine’s better,” “mine’s better”. “time to conquer england,” said william. it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the seljuk turks. “ahh!” said the byzantine empire, who’s getting so small it almost doesn’t exist anymore, “we need help!” they need help, so they call the pope. “hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you wanna take back the holy land.” “yes, i do actually want to do that. let’s do a crusade.” crusade. they did many crusades, some of which almost didn’t fail, but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals. goodbye mayans. hello toltecs, goodbye toltecs, hello mississippi. look at those mounds. there’s the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff. guess who’s here? khmer. where? here, and pagan is there, and vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis. i bet that will last a long time! some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india. is it tonga time? i think it’s tonga time. i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold. look at this chad (means lake), there’s an empire there, right in the middle of africa. the king of mali is so rich he’s going on tour to let everyone know. “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said. the christians are doing a great job of conquering iberia which will soon be called spain and not spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you are still christian when you least expect. whoops, half of europe just died. ming. china’s back, yay. hey khmer, time to share, new kingdoms here and there. oh look who controls all the islands, its the mahajapit. majahapit, mapajahit, mahapajit, mapajahit, majapahit? oh, italy’s really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it’s kinda like a rebirth. here’s a printer, lets make books. so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? “yep,” said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. whoops, you missed a spot; don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade. “what? that’s bullshit,” said portugal, spiceless. well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india. “wait,” said christopher colombus, probably smoking crack, “if the world is round, lets go this way to india!” “nah, don’t worry we already got this,” said portugal. so chris goes to spain. “hey spain, wanna hire me to go find india by going around back of the world?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.” “please?” “ok.” so he sails into the ocean, and discovers more ocean, and then discovers ‘the indies’ and ‘japan’. let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent. the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other. move over lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again. move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again. let’s make it the other kind of islam, the one where we thought the first guy should’ve been the other guy. hey christians, do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell. “that’s bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that’s a scam, fuck the church, here’s 95 reasons why,” said martin luther, in his book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation. “you know what would be magnificent?” said suleiman, wearing an onion hat, “what if the ottoman empire was really big, which it is now.”  “what if russia was big,” said ivan, trying not to be terrible. portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade, and then that dream was real. and spain realised that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. “damn,” said england and france, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam. “damn,” said amsterdam, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” question one: can you get to india through north america? no, but at least there’s beaver. question two: steal the spice trade. that’s not a question but the dutch did it anyway. sugar. guess where all the sugar’s made? in brazil. stolen! in the carribean, and it’s so goddamn profitable you might forget to not do slavery. the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger. britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world, more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss? yes they did, it’s britain. guess who’s broke? also britain. so they start taxing the hell out of america.

“fuck you,” says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it. france helps them win, now france is broke. and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. wait if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? “let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. you could make a reli- no don’t. haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. “why didn’t we think of this before?” wait, who’s in charge of france now? “me,” said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back. luckily, they banished him to another island. there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin america wars of independence. britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains, and conquer india and maybe put some trains there. “hey china,” said britain, “buy stuff from us.” “nah, dude we already got everything,” says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked actually, but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy-fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afganistan. also the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now, that’s just where he lives. india had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. “nope,” said britain, governing them even harder than before. technology is about to go crazy. the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. “it’s bad,” they decided. and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land, and maybe kick out the mexicans too. “i know, let’s rape africa,” said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia.  britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand. the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more. hawaii. cuba. wait spain controls cuba. “well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on them? let’s blame the maine on spain!” so they blame the maine on spain. now we’re in business. to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go. china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government. europe hasn’t had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns. it’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one. after it’s over, they blame germany. russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government. now everyone’s paycheck is the same. communism, in the soviet union. the arabs revolt, and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won’t mind. “let’s cut the cake,” said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire. except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey. and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do. hello? yes, it’s the 1920s calling. let’s get in a car and drive to a party and listen to the jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy’s great and it’ll probably be great forever. just kidding. germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model. he’s mad at the jews for existing. japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it. hitler’s out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all the jews is a bad idea, but he kills himself before they could explain it to him. that’s world war two. bonus round: pacific showdown, united states versus japan. fight! finish him. let’s unite all the nations and have some world peace. seems legit. “hi i’m gandhi and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india i’m going to starve myself in public. wow, that worked?” bonus: now there’s pakistan. actually two pakistans. one of them can be bangladesh later. the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. “me”, they both said at the same time. “let’s divide up the land so everyone’s happy.” sike! they both get angrier. look out china, there’s a new china in china. what’s on the menu? communism! “no thanks,” said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china. there’s the korean war, korea versus korea, nobody wins, then it’s on pause forever. let’s meet the sponsors. oh, it’s the two global superpowers. they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. fight! wait no that would be the end of the world. let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs. “i’ll race you to space. now let’s make some more countries fight themselves.” europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here’s a new map, with new countries. now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by. the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it. let’s check the world population. woah. okay. technology’s better too, that might keep happening. the soviet union decides to relax a little and accidentally falls apart. europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money; except britain because they don’t feel like it. let’s check the mail. surprise! it’s on the computer! whoops, someone just attacked america, i bet they’ll remember that. phone call, surprise, it’s in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise, it’s on the computer! now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket. whoops, the economy just crashed. don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail, because they’re not supposed to. surprise, flying robots! with bombs. wanna print a brain? some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic. “let’s save the planet,” said everybody, not knowing how. “let’s invent a thing inventor,” said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor. that’s pretty cool. by the way, where the hell are we?

Things OW Mains want you to know
  • Genji: whats better than one genji and healer? four genjis and no healer
  • McCree: my aim should not be possible but it is
  • Pharah: I cannot move please do not shoot me i havent had potg in months
  • Reaper: i shop at hot topic because im too young to shop at spencer's
  • Soldier 76: my gun has built in life alert
  • Sombra: Fuck Fareeha Amari Personally
  • Tracer: It's not harrassment if the calvary's here
  • Bastion: you're dead
  • Hanzo: my aim should be way better but it isnt
  • Junkrat: disgusting
  • Mei: i am the only one who can kill you face to face and i need you to respect that and not go around my oddly placed wall
  • Torbjörn: sweden is cancelled
  • Widowmaker: my ult does almost nothing for everyone but me but i will announce it every chance
  • D.Va: they can nerf me but you cant nerf this
  • Reinhardt: charging into walls is a way to get around
  • Roadhog: the breathing on the selection screen is meant to make you uncomfortable
  • Winston: furious george goes bananas
  • Zarya: theres no reason my weapon should reach a flying farah but it can
  • Ana: fda approved tranquilzer darts for kids
  • Lúcio: i can boop you twenty feet in any direction for what reason
  • Mercy: Let Me Live
  • Symmetra: torbjorn but not Fucking Rude
  • Zenyatta: idk how zen mains stay alive but its cool

anyway can i just say its wild how me just being like ‘here put this sword on your blog to show you are gay’ has turned into ‘swords represent being gay’

no dog im just offering a cool sword to my fellow gays in these harsh times we live in . i like swords and want to share

anonymous asked:

I don't really know where to ask this, sorry. How hot does it have to be before a dog should be wearing booties? What about a cooling vest? I'll be walking my SDiT across campus in Kansas summers and I don't want her to overheat if I think it's fine outside

Here’s a good info graphic! In the summer, you need to watch out for signs of heatstroke in dogs. Dogs will experience symptoms such as

  • rapid breathing
  • bright red tongue
  • red or pale gums
  • thick, sticky saliva
  • depression
  • weakness
  • dizziness
  • vomiting
  • diahrrea
  • shock/coma

If you live in a place with a hot environment in the summer, you should look into vests that are going to be less bulky, boots, and cooling vests. These can all help to keep a dog cool when outside in the heat. Don’t shave a double coated dog unless directed to by your dog’s vet – double coats act as insulators and help keep your dog cool in hot temperatures. Always keep water on you and give your dog water frequently staying hydrated is important to preventing heat exhaustion. 

Chelsea

Mr. Hermit Crab!

We’re playing a pirate campaign and we’re sailing. Our paladin is a sort of living construct who doesn’t needed to breathe and wanted to test this theory by jumping off the ship. He rolled a 5 on investigation and found a hermit crab. The following conversation happened.

Paladin: hello mr hermit crab!
DM (as hermit crab): hello
Paladin:nice shell you got there!
DM (as hermit crab): thanks. its my home. i live here.
Paladin: its my first time down here…anything cool to see?
DM (as hermit crab): hmm…-pulls copper coin out of shell-
Paladin: um…ill trade you…this coin (a gold coin)
DM (as hermit crab): woah! thats a nice coin!
Paladin: gonna trade??
DM (as hermit crab): what does that mean
Paladin: you take this coin, and i have that coin, and we switch
DM (as hermit crab): uhh..i…i like my coin….but that coin is pretty nice too…you can have it

DM: at this point the boat is 100 feet away
Bard: -plays my heart will go on on kazoo-

Paladin: i walk to shore and talk to any fish i go by
DM: they swim by and say “HELLO”

How Chill Is Your Sign?
  • Aries - No chill. Nope. Uh uh, nada.
  • Taurus - Chill af unless you try to take their food
  • Gemini - "Imma let you finish, but nah imma never let you finish because i have no fucking chill."
  • Cancer - Yeah, no.
  • Leo - Can be chill if you give them a mirror but most likely out hunting ur man
  • Virgo - Chill on the outside but is having an existential crisis internally
  • Libra - The limit does not exist for their chill, the fucking chillest
  • Scorpio - They had chill once, but decided to eat its heart because blood
  • Sagittarius - Absolutely NO chill, they are fucking rUtHlEsS
  • Capricorn - Pretty chill until they diabolically take over the whole goddamn world
  • Aquarius - lmfao so chill they are below zero and live with the penguins cuz they're cool af
  • Pisces - Chill but mostly cuz they aren't paying attention but not chill cuz they are probably daydreaming ripping u limb for limb RIP
3 Perfect Days In Seattle: A Guide

Day 1

Morning Coffee: Elm Coffee Roasters

240 2nd Avenue South | Seattle, WA 98104

If you fly in take the Link (Seattle Public Transit) downtown.

Right when you get off, you can walk a few blocks until you find Elm Coffee.

This place was recommended by new friends I found from Instagram the wide open space is filled with a white marble bar, and tables accompanied by wicker chairs that seem to fit you just right.

 Petite pastries lay across the bar. The most tempting are the vegan donuts, although you won’t be able to tell the difference.

 The coffee has a light, citrus scent to the roasted beans and the pitter patter of feet fill your ears as customers line up for their morning latte. The ambience is very relaxing, light chatter feels comfortable, and is a sweet spot that isn’t so touristy (like Original Starbucks, you can go there, too!)

Mid-Day Brunch: Biscuit Bitch

1909 1st Ave | Seattle, WA 98101

Walking down to Pike Place, the infamous marketplace is next. To satisfy the itch to try new food in the city, you can get your southern soul food fix closeby.

 The sidewalk is usually lined up with hungry brunchers in line or waiting for one of the (few) coveted tables. The popularity of this place is obvious with people casually walking by end up joining in on the biscuit madness. Biscuit Bitch has all the sass and snarkiness that lives up to its name. The staff has hair all colors of the rainbow, tattoos that dot their arms, and are quirky and loud. I blushed a bit while ordering the “Hot Mess Bitch” but I’ll admit it felt cool to cuss when I ordered.

 The Hot Mess Bitch had me exploring every corner of my cardboard to go box (everything is packaged to go). One bite had me chomping down smooth grits with cheese and the next bite I’d get a flavor whirlwind of sausage, jalapeno and biscuit. Every bite was a new experience depending on which ingredients I wanted to combine next.

The Hot Mess Bitch- Biscuit Bitch

Keep reading

  • Me: I'm going to get a decent amount of sleep tonight.
  • My brain at 3 am: VERONICA OPEN THE-OPEN THE DOOR PLEASE VERONICA OPEN THE DOOR, VERONICA CAN WE NOT FIGHT ANYMORE PLEASE CAN WE NOT FIGHT ANYMORE!!!HEYO YOU WESTERBURG TELL ME WHATS THATS SOUND HEYO WESTERBURG COMIN' TA PUT YOU IN THE GROUND, HEYO WESTERBURG GIVE A GREAT BIG YELL, WESTERBURG WILL KNOCK YOU OUT AND SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!! DAD SAYS ACT OUT AGE YOU HEARD THE MAN ITS TIME TO RAGE (BLAST THE BASS TURN OUT THE LIGHT, AINT NOBODY HOME TONIGHT) DRINK SMOKE ITS ALL COOL LETS GET NAKED IN MY POOL!!!! OH LOOK HEATHER'S GOING TO WHINE WHINE WHINE ALL NIGHT, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE WHY NOT KILL YOURSELF!!!! I LEARNED TO COOK PASTA I LEARNED TO PAY RENT LEARNED THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE YOU A CENT!!! CANT WAIT TIL LATER MY PANTS ARE RUBBING LIKE A HOT CHEESE GRATER-MY BALLS ARE IN YOUR COURT-AND MAKE THESE BALLS NOT BLUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I NEED IT HARD I'M A DEAD GIRL WALKING.I'M IN YOUR YARD I'M A DEAD GIRL WALKING-I'M HOT AND PISSED AND ON THE PILL-GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR MAKE THIS WHOLE TOWN DISAPPEAR!! MY NAME'S PAULINE I LIVE ALONE MY HUSBAND LEFT MY KIDS ARE GROWN. IN THE 60S LOVE WAS FREE, THAT DID NOT WORK OUT WELL FOR ME, I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH DESPAIR I'VE JOINED A CULT CHOPPED OFF MY HAIR I CHANT I PRAY BUT GOD'S NOT THERE SO STEVE I'M ENDING OUR AFFAIR!!!!!THERE WAS A BIG SWORD FIGHT IN HER MOUTH YES WE'RE CONVINCED IT, WENT DOWN IN HER MOUTH (I HOPE SHE RINSED IT!)!!!!! ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM, YOU GOTTA BONE TO PICK, YOU'VE COME SO FAR WHY NOW ARE YOU PULLING ON MY DICK, I'D NORMALLY SLAP YOUR FACE OFF, AND EVERYONE HERE COULD WATCH, BUT I'M FEELING NICE HERE'S SOME ADVICE LISTEN UP BIOTCH!!!! SAY HI TO GOD [BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM]!!!!!!!!!
  • Me at 7 am: Well shit.

If you’re having a bad day just imagine toddler age Scorpius and Albus playing with Harry’s invisibility cloak

Albus hysterically crying when Scorpius crawls under it and disappears and rushing to get his dad and try to explain to him that he’d somehow lost his best friend

Harry shaking his head in intense bemusement and whisking the cloak off a shell shocked Scorpius who immediately begins crying and waving his little arms, his blonde hair sticking up on end

Albus wrapping himself around his bedraggled friend and cuddling him fiercely, glaring at the invisibility cloak and crying when Harry attempts to get it near him again

‘My Scorpius! No! NO!’

Albus and Scorpius spending the rest of the day cuddled up together, Albus not ever going more than a few feet away from Scorpius and always returning to pet his little friend’s hair and give him reassurance

Draco picking Scorpius up later that day and seeing his son practically smothered by Albus, his face smeared with paint and his hair being put in bunches by the giggling Potter

Draco turning to Harry with the driest and most exasperated of expressions

'I left him here for five hours and he’s already married your son- I can see it in his eyes. Merlin help us…’

Harry shrugging and grinning widely, full of only love for his son and his new found friend

'I call dibs on being the cool father-in-law’

3

HOW THE FLASH 3X22 COULD SAVE LEONARD SNART (a theory)

Ok guys, buckle in, cuz this is going to be a long theory. This will talk about specific events from Legends and Flash, so if you haven’t seen/aren’t caught up on both, spoilers may be ahead.  I’m not well versed in Time Travel or anything like that, and this theory is based off of my understanding of time travel as the Legends and Flash show it, so there may be some errors.

Before we talk about how Snart’s timeline could have changed, let’s take a moment to discuss the two major instances we’ve seen the timeline of a character change before. 

First, we have Martin Stein in LoT season 2. They went back in time, and Martin met his younger self. He simply told this younger him to be a better husband, and that changed his timeline drastically. Not only that, but it produced an abberation, Lily, his daughter. I believe it’s also important to note that Martin has memories of both timelines, the one without Lily, and now the one with Lily.

Then we have Barry Allen and FlashPoint. I actually had to laugh out loud when creating that chart at how badly he messed up time. I’m just gonna explain what he did here in case the chart is unclear. At the end of season two, Zoom killed his dad. After he successfully defeated Zoom, he was so distraught that he went back in time to the point his mother died and saved her. This created a second timeline, one in which both parents were alive. After talking to Jay, he was convinced to go back and “reset” the timeline. He went back AGAIN to the moment his mom died, and this time he let her die. He thought this would bring him back to the original timeline, but instead it just created a THIRD timeline, which is the one that the Flash Season 3 has taken place in. He still defeated Zoom and his father still died, but there are some differences. Cisco’s brother died. Caitlin has her Killer Frost powers. Diggle’s kid changed genders. And of course, Alchemy and Savitar are present, which leads to the death of Iris West. Once again, I think it’s important to note that Barry has memories of all three timelines, while the others don’t.

Now, how Snart could potentially live. First, we have to consider where Snart died: the Vanishing Point. I saw a really cool post by @literallyflashtrash about how the Vanishing Point basically exists in its own separate dimension outside of time. What we know about the Vanishing Point is fairly limited, but we know that it exists outside of time, and that it was blown up with the Oculus. From that, we can assume that the Legends could not go back to the Vanishing Point even if they wanted to; one because it’s located out of time so it’s not like a point in history, and two because it was blown up and therefore no longer exists. We can also assume that anything that happened there cannot be changed in any way, because it is located out of time. Basically because of this, anything that happens there is set in stone, and even more so now because of it blowing up.

I saw a theory from @coldtomyflash saying that the Snart we saw in the Flash was probably one from between episodes 9 and 10, so that’s where I’m going with, too. Because he was plucked from time, he has a completely new adventure added to his timeline. And it’s not like nothing significant happened when he was there. Many things happened. He went on a heist with the Flash. He saw Barry and Iris are engaged. He almost died. He gave the Flash the “your goodness is your strength” advice, and he quoted himself, saying “no strings on me” (which broke my heart by the way).

Now, we know from the Flash and from Legends that time can be fragile. As Savitar said, “the more you start messing with time, the less the rules apply to you”, and boy, have the Legends messed with time. Anything Barry told him could change Snart, and anything he saw could have changed him. The possibilities are endless on how those events could make him different (as HR showed with dominoes, changing the right event can stop an outcome)

Possible things that could have been changed:

-This wasn’t an ordinary heist. He almost died! This would make it the second time he had almost died (counting 1x07 when him and Sara almost froze to death). This may make him more careful, or make him not want to sacrifice himself and actually die.

-He saw Barry and Iris were engaged. This may make him think about his future sooner, and maybe make a move on Sara sooner (sorry people who don’t like Captain Canary, but it’s an option). Him and Sara dating earlier may prevent him from volunteering to die.

-After dealing with the Flash and getting “sentimental”, he may deal with Chronos differently (which could change a bunch of things for him)

-Even visiting 2017 could have reminded him of what he has to go back to, and could make him think twice about sacrificing himself

Here’s my favorite theory on how things could have changed.  I saw a post from @thecrooktomyassasin about how when he told Barry there’s “no strings on me”, he almost looked like he got deja vu. It was an interesting choice by the Flash to have him tell Barry there’s “no strings on me”, but it was even more interesting to have Barry speed away, and then show Snart repeating the phrase to himself. If adding this event to his timeline did change something, it’s possible that he could start to get memories of events that hadn’t happened to him yet/deja vu. If this is the case, it’s possible that he could gain the memory of his own death, and find a way to avoid it. Keep in mind, when Rip was shown the future, it was Ray who was supposed to die, and Leonard made the conscious choice to take his place (technically to take Mick’s place when he took it from Ray), so it’s not like it was destined for Snart to die.

Now, the main thing that had been hanging me up about Snart dying is that it could undo the entire finale of Legends Season 1, but I’ve come to think that this wouldn’t be the case. That event CANNOT be changed in ANY way, so Snart’s death there was very final. However, if that episode changed any of Snart’s events, that would create an alternate timeline for him. It would create a timeline where he did things differently, and possibly lives (similar to Flashpoint and Martin’s time change). This would make the Leonard Snart at the Oculus almost like a time remnant; it’s existence would remain, it would still sacrifice itself, but it would be expendable, because that’s not Leonard Snart’s timeline anymore. Interestingly enough, this would make Snart an abberation, similar to Lily and Amaya (based on the fact that not only was she plucked from the JSA, but she was killed in Doomworld)

Think of the possibilities with Snart as an abberation! This would be the perfect way to tie him back into the Legends. They track abberations! Imagine them, floating through time, when they get notice of an abberation, and when they go to check it out, it’s SNART! And then during the crossover event, Barry finds out that he saved him! Or even he could end up back on the Flash, and the Legends find out about him during the crossover event next year! There are so many fun possibilities to play around with if Snart’s an abberation, and it will definitely make for some interesting TV.

Once again, I want to state that I’m not well versed in Time Travel or anything like that, and this theory is based off of my understanding of time travel as the Legends and Flash show it, but if I understand correctly, there are ways he could be brought back, and I’m EXCITED!

UPDATE: Now that we’ve seen the Legends Season 3 synopsis, I have another guess on how they can reintroduce them onto the show. The Legends broke time, that much is for sure. It says here Mick meets a member of the team during his Aruba vacation…  What if it’s Leonard? He’s the only one not mentioned in the release, besides Amaya, but I would think they would just say Mick finds Amaya during his Aruba vacation. The fact that the didn’t say who it is makes me think it’s Leonard.

TAGGING THOSE WHO ASKED TO BE TAGGED:

@strunmahmah @legendsneverexpire @captaincanarylegendsoftomorrow @quirky-idealist @junglehero227 @sawsomepaw @ethala @dirty-half-dozen @red-moon10 @busysciencegeek

birthday headcanons for our favorite blue boy
  • he gets a lot of stuff. like, a lot of stuff, including but not limited to:
  • a cup of peppermint tea in his favorite chipped mug waiting for him when he wakes up, piping hot and extra sweet 
  • an old broken keyboard and a bunch of tools and cool things that make really unique sounds that he can fix it with
  • a few hours alone in the garden in the back of the house during the early morning, during which he meditates and tinkers with some of the mechanical things he’s been collecting and writes down a few lyrics and chords
  • a thatching kit
  • no headaches today for some reason because the universe was in his favor today and because of that he’s clear-headed and alert 
  • russ gets him a really nice flickcomb with a cool handle and some vintage vinyls of the human league and the clash. he also gets him a hat because russ is the hat expert and one of those sensory weighted blankets that are supposed to reduce anxiety because russ has one and 2d always says how much he likes it
  • noodle gets him an entire outfit, like the fuckin cutest crop top and a shit ton of neon and pastel nail polish colors and a choker and crazy socks, and also gets him heelys that can light up (part of the reason she got him so much stuff is because she also got it for herself because they essentially share a wardrobe at this point. also bc they’re rich and they can do what they want). she gets him the head of one of the zombies at kong too because she’s metal like that and 2d gasps and says “this is WICKED” like he’s a 10 year old on christmas
  • murdoc tosses a pack of cigarettes at him when he comes downstairs in the morning and grunts “here you go” but then he buys him a drink or two later. that afternoon 2d finds home baked scones in the shape of swans and really nice cologne and a leather jacket in his room. he also gives him a legit collar “because you seemed pretty excited about it on that track” and 2d goes all red 
  • they make him get in the car after lunch and surprise him by driving up to crawley to see his mom and cyborg noodle. his mom pinches his cheek and says that he gets handsomer every year and shows everyone embarrassing baby pictures of stu. cyborg noodle’s body gives him a little salute and shows him her bike all decked-out with streamers on the handles. they all have cake and sing him happy birthday and then murdoc gets too excited and pushes his face into the cake as a joke and starts a food fight with 2d and noodle for a few seconds before russ breaks it up
  • they take him to the fairgrounds by his old house for a few hours. he eats too much cotton candy and they all go on the ferris wheel together and he and noodle make the ferris wheel car swing back and forth and murdoc looks like he’s gonna be sick. russ wins him a fucking massive stuffed animal at the ring toss and he carries it around on his back. 
  • also random people at the fair come up to him like “omg are you the singer for gorillaz? ??  i LOVE your music” and he’s like haha yeah and then they go “my favorite album of all time has to be the fall” and 2d just chokes and looks like he’s gonna cry 
  • when they get home he helps russ and noodle make dinner (it’s vegetarian and has rice noodles) and the whole band eats it sitting on the couch together as they marathon zombie movies. 2d talks the whole time about films and behind-the-scenes facts, so much that murdoc has to remind him to eat his dinner. 
  • he falls asleep with katsu on his lap and russ and noodle and murdoc cuddled around him and he is warm and safe and loved and happy 
Nostalgia Critic Quotes Starters

You know the deal. Feel free to change pronouns, add names to blanks, etc. There is some profanity in this one.

  • “Why do they always want to do it the hard way?”
  • “What can’t we do with an acre of land?”
  • “We’re talking softly because it’ll upset the souffle?”
  • “You know…like your head!”
  • “You think you’re gonna get away from me, but you’re not, because it’s on.”
  • “I’m sorry, but who thought this would be an exciting idea?”
  • “This is even more exciting than that time I dangled keys in front of my own face!”
  • “DON’T fall to the ground like a bloody corpse.”
  • “Bad is rad and I’m ballistic!”
  • “Oh, come on, it’s obvious. It’s so incredibly obvious.”
  • “It’s junk food, brightly colored junk food for the mind.”
  • “The orthodox levels on this are most un!”
  • “Ah-ba-ba-ba, don’t tell me the problem, I only want to focus on the solution. I see…a banana. Use a banana.”
  • “We are not on the same level as them! WE ARE HEALTHY!”
  • “This looks like a job for flamboyance!”
  • “Yeah! The opposite of what we saw before! The opposite of what we saw before! The opposite of what we saw before!”
  • “Hey! You seem very…two-people-ish!”
  • “Because that’s funny, right? Right? The correct answer is no.”
  • “Punctuation is so wild!”
  • “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAAAAT?”
  • “Clearly, we are dealing with artistic genius here!”
  • “Please get in this evil device which is in no way an evil device. Joke’s on you; it’s an evil device.”
  • “What do kids normally do? They make tofu or something?”
  • “Stop it! Stop it! Stop trying to sound cool!”
  • “All is lost.”
  • “You’re so gosh darn wonderful.”
  • “I’m sorry, ____. I like your place. It’s a nice looking place.”
  • “I don’t care if it’s innocent and cutesy; it’s a piece of shit.”
  • “But I don’t wanna laugh, I wanna get better.”
  • “If its purpose was to bore the living shit out of us, I agree.”
  • “You have to have one before you can lose it.”
  • “Wait a minute, so you’re saying that if I jump aboard the bandwagon before it even becomes a bandwagon, I can be one of the frontrunners of the bandwagon?”
  • “Redundant much, redundant?”
  • “Was I really just a pawn in your lame-ass little punchline?”
  • “Is this actually a popular thing and I just never noticed?”
  • “My God…it’s full of shit.”
  • “Put traffic cones around that apple juice; that shit is lethal!”
  • “What is this, just another day at the store for you?”
  • “Why are you being so blatant with how evil you are?”
  • “Yeah, you know what’s living? Dying.”
  • “No, wait, that’s not living. That’s…that’s fucking dying.”
  • “I remember it so you don’t have to.”
  • “You’re listening to frogs! It’s all a lie!”
  • “I don’t know, it means I’m angry!”
  • “Gee, does it have something to do with ice?”
  • “I just wanna bring love and joy to the world.”
  • “I haven’t been this shocked since I found out the secret to living a long lasting life…was breathing!”
  • “You know, for kids!”
  • “Start off with something innocent and lighthearted and then smash it down into cruel, cruel reality?”
  • “I hear it’s a dictatorship where people disappear.”
  • “Stay back; I think that’s real ketchup.”
  • “That’s so out of the ordinary, I dare call it wacky.”
  • “Get off my wet banana!”
  • “B-B-B-Bullshit!”
  • “Don’t encourage him. You’ll jiggy-jiggy regret it.”
  • “Maybe you could start by getting out of the fucking bed.”
  • “Well, that’s odd. It’s almost…normal.”
  • “Gee, does THAT…SOUND…FAMILIAR?”
  • “If we’re going through with this, I want to be prepared.”
  • “Fucking bubbles!”
  • “Inspire us! Say something stoic!”
  • “Oh, by the way, we have to mail this to fifty or more people or else we get bad luck.”
  • “I would LOVE to play a game with somebody!”
  • “Fuck yeah, sparkle sparkle sparkle!”
  • “If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna take the occasional break to look at myself in front of the mirror and cry.”
  • “Cause let me tell you, it’s not always easy.”
  • “People may die, but stupidity is forever.”
  • “Stop calling it that!”
  • “So, your argument is…you fucked up, you’re glad you fucked up, and you will continue to fuck up in new and spectacular ways?”
  • “I did not just hear that.”
  • “Time for a game of disappearing brain cells!”
  • “I think he drank the cactus juice or something.”
  • “I thought I had these burned!”
  • “My heart soars every time. The monotone. The absolute lack of any human emotion. The way he doesn’t even refer to her by her name.”
  • “I just remember that it was weird and childish.”
  • “I know that it’s just my opinion, but I’m right.”
  • “I remember it…but I don’t wanna!”
  • America: European nations are so cool. They have an economic union, and solve their problems together, and share a currency, and have a whole special European court—
  • Britain:
  • America: Oh, I didn’t mean—
  • Britain: No, no, no, you said it, it’s out there. Now we have to live with it.
  • America: Well, its kinda true. You’re not going to be part of the EU anymore. You don’t have any sort of special powers by yourself, do you?
  • Britain: I’m a good listener. Do you know how rare that is on that continent?
  • America: Yeah. That’ll solve the refugee crisis. Can’t you do anything?
  • Britain: Well, I can get my feelings hurt and throw a world-class hissy fit! *storms away*

anonymous asked:

AU where the guys' S/O loses their sight instead of Iggy? They put on a brave face, insisting that they won't be slowed down, that they can still keep up and fight. They act like it's not as big a deal--when eventually they can't keep bottling it up. Reality can't be avoided forever, and they're *terrified*. Scared of being left behind, a burden, and understanding if their boyfriend wishes to abandon their relationship. He wouldn't, but they're so *scared*. They finally cry after the injury.

SO ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAAAAAIN! *CHOO CHOO* 

When I received this ask, I audibly said “Oh wow,” in the middle of the living room. So happy y’all picked it for tonight. Hope you like it. 

Tagging cool people who might enjoy these angsty af feels: @stunninglyignis​, @themissimmortal​, @nifwrites​, @electronerd47​, @ebony-and-chocobos​, @stephicness​, @itshaejinju​ <3 

Noctis

“He’s awake, Y/N,” Ignis’s distinguished voice rang through your ears in an echo. 

You never knew how loud the world truly was until you were robbed of your sense of sight. 

“Would you like me to assist you to him?” Ignis offered you in a volume just higher than a whisper. Ever since your incident during the Starscourge, you denied any sort of handicap or assistance from any of your traveling companions. 

“No, Ignis. I’m fine,” you stated rather coldly, raising to your feet from the fitted chair that you had become rather fond of during your stay in Altissia’s Leville. 

You couldn’t remember the color of it… but the fabric felt comforting underneath your finger tips. 

Keep reading

nct quote masterlist
  • I wanna have xxxx with you fatass! love you forever darling-Ten’s birthday note to Johnny
  • You are all gay-Taeil
  • why do i need to buy chocolate if im the chocolate myself?-Jaehyun
  • Ten and I just showered together-Johnny
  • if you hold your pee in for too long, a big surprise will follow- Yuta
  • i like the bed because it gives me the feeling of a forest fairy-Taeil
  • Are these pokeballs?- Ten
  • Why do i look so scary?-Taeyong
  • This reminds me of the first time we met. I dont even remember that. Me neither, i just know it was awkward- Mark and Johnny
  • VERY HOT-Ten
  • Ten never looked at girls- Ten’s teacher
  • This is Taipei - Yuta
  • I really know nothing about dating - Taeyong
  • Hello we are the foreign swaggers- Mark 
  • I lived in america for 4 years thats why im here man-Jaehyun
  • Welcome back to the foreign swagger section-Mark
  • SM Super Cookie-Ten
  • I really dont think i can do this anymore-Taeyong
  • So today! February 2nd! Actually, its the 9th. Oh man dude what am i saying? No, its cool- Mark and Johnny
  • aISHETEDRU!-Ten
  • Doyoung who is filled with beautiful thoughts, I love you! -Taeyong
  • Everywhere I look, pose.  Everywhere I place my hand, its a pose. -Taeyong
  • I forgot how to do satoori-Hansol
  • A six-pack is too heavy for me, so now I only walk around with a one-pack.  I leave the other five behind.  I used to have chocolate abs, but i ate two of them. - Haechan
  • Who do you think is more handsome? Taeyong. Alright, who do you think is more handsome? Taeyong. -Jaehyun, Jisung, and Mark. 
  • I wake up at 7 am to water my plants.  But i dont have any plants - Haechan
  • LET DOYOUNG SPEAK- Taeyong
  • THESE CRYBABIES SERIOUSLY! *wipes away tears*- Haechan ofc
  • Ten and I showered together - Johnny
  • He is always following me!!!  What are you talking about… - Mark and Haechan
  • My friends call me a heater, cuz i bring the heat! - johnny
  • I love him [johnny] soooo much! - Ten
  • On my schedule, from noon to 1 pm, I avoid haechan - mark
  • Offer the last piece of food! Please accept my Taeyong :) -Taeyong and Doyoung
  • I’M HEARTBROKEN!!!!!- Haechan
  • *dolphin screams* - Chenle 
  • hello my name is marklee - Mark Lee
  • Ten was never interested in girls - Ten’s old teacher
  • Yes, I learned some Chinese phrases.  The one that left the deepest impression on me is “where is the bathroom”- Haechan
  • Everyone should take unflattering pictures of other people- Haechan 
  • *someone mentions Haechan’s name* ahhhh im getting stressed - Mark
  • Bugs are bugs, but I’m really afraid of people… especially haechan - mark
  • Don’t give any food to mark. Haechan, you know you wont survive today right? Theres also tomorrow and the day after. Theres no camera tomorrow! - Haechan and Mark
  • We (mark and haechan) have a fantasy-like relationship - Haechan
  • Don’t, the cameras are rolling ;)))) - Jaehyun
  • Pinch Johnny’s nose, he’ll either die or wake up - Yuta
  • My face looks big today.  It normally is big. - Chenle and Jisung
  • Winwin is cute, but he’s stupid - Kun
  • It’s Johnny’s Fashion Evaluation - Johnny 

anonymous asked:

Heya~ I have a full sleeve tattoo and I live where it's almost constantly freezing so I'm in long sleeve shirts almost all the time. I once dated this boy and about a month into the relationship and he freaked out when he finally saw my whole sleeve 😂😂😂 can I get a bts reaction to you being heavily tattooed?

Namjoon:

“That’s actually a great way to express how you feel through art.”

Originally posted by rapsuckas

Jin:

“Where are you going to put my name?”

Originally posted by bwiseoks

Yoongi:

“Are you trying to look tougher than me? Your effort’s too cute, sorry.”

Originally posted by creamsicklesz

Hobi:

“Ahhhh those are so cool!”

Originally posted by nnochu

Jimin:

“My girlfriend is cooler than yours, hyung!”

Originally posted by nnochu

Tae:

“…can I touch it?”

Originally posted by fyeahbangtaned

Jungkook:

“I want to do that so badly!”

Originally posted by youngforevers

This was fun lol. - admin nicole 💕

Don’t let me go

Group:Bts

Memeber:Jungkook

Au: Grim Reaper,demon

PART TWO

A/n: Let me tell you,I am inspired from Goblin. Watch this drama. Is the holy drama. This is the first part of a little Jungkook series. Also the different religions reading this.I tried to keep the religion matter as neutral as possible. If you believe that this is written with a bad thought in mind or to offend someone it is not. Thank you.

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I am the person you are afraid from. I am the one with the skeleton body,black robe and а reaping hook. You mortals thought that I look like a skeleton simply because I deal with the dead. This is soo wrong. I am like the most handsome, funny man ever. You living people think everything that is dead is ugly and rotten. Hell( hell is mine creation actually. Its a piece of art) no. I am,however,prehaps rotten and dead. Inside. Inside the cage of my heart. The muscle which is supposed to pump adrenaline through my body. The muscle giving me life,love and so much more. But no. This place is empty and had been abounded centuries ago. The curse killed me a long time ago.

Things go way back in time.

I once had a wife. A very beautiful woman called Lydia. She was my whole life. I was a simple man. A sheppard. My biggest concern was if I will be able to go home on time to hug her before she closes her eyes to fall in beautiful peaceful sleep.

As always life decided to fuck everything up. God said it was time for war and suddenly my biggest concern became the smallest out of them all. Everything I had,I had to give up. It was my duty to fight for my country as a man. I fought many battles. Those in higher ranks saw potential in me and after eleven battles I became a commander. On the battlefield before what we hoped was the last battle. Ready to fight,not ready to die. I prayed like every other selfish human being that I’ll give up everyone and everything,just God let me live. Those words were the last words some people heard and the ones that left my lips before I shouted “For His majesty.” I killed many people in the battle and almost got killed more times than I can remember. But I survived. The last one to survive. The smell of Death was in the air. My breath was fading away. Youcould barely see it. My eyes started to tear up from the mixture of fear,the feeling of finally letting go and a scared scream from the consequences ahead in time. Suddenly a bright light blinded my swollen from crying eyes. And I met God. A nice man,looking trustworthy,someone who I never thought was actually real. He told me my wife,my parents, my sheeps,they were killed. That I made a choice. That I killed them when I was being selfish. My will for life,killed those who made me want to live. Lost in my fear and regret which were suddenly put upon me,I was ready to pull out the weapon and just kill myself. The man stopped my sword from moving through the flesh and stop my heart. God looked at me and told me “If you leave this Earth and become invisible as if you never existed,I will bring everyone you want back. Your family will live. Lydia will breath. I need a helper. Someone who will deal with the dead and will help them go in the afterlife. You will become the Grim Reaper. My right hand.” I was being offered a choice which wasn’t actually much of a choice. He was offering me to become a ghost. But for the sake of my love I was ready to do anything and everything. “Why are you Sir offering me this? Why me?” “You are a good man. But the sin of being selfish is a strong one. I see in your eyes love. This will be your curse. Love will be your pleasure and curse. The last man standing. The one who will walk this Earth way longer than anyone. Collecting grief and love. At the end of the day you will always be alone.” I became a sinner for wanting to live. I killed everything I believed in. But Immortality didn’t sound all that bad after all. Dealing with the dead also wasn’t a price high enough that I can’t pay for Lydia. The hesitation left me and my hand grabbed his. It was me or Lydia and my family. “Okay. Do this.” Just like that my existence was erased from the face of Earth,my name wasn’t remembered as the last commander alive,the war was doomed a fail and soon there were only the families of the dead and the memories of them to be remembered. Personally I assisted all of them in the after life making them forget the one they had been living in order for a new one to be born. But for the living organisms I was invisible,not existing. A myth surrounded by mystery. There were several cases in which people had been ablen to see me. You usually cab unless you had the vision or you were dead. And so for centuries I have met all kinds of death and people. Helping them go where their souls belong. My face haven’t aged a day since I gave my soul. A twenty years old is what you’ll see if you were able to.


1998


“Jungkook” I heard in the distance waking me from my retrospective daydream. “Yes?” I turned my head nearly hitting my forehead in one of the lamps of the nice white office. “There is something I need to tell you.” It is a full miracle. My boss is usually quiet and doesn’t have the need to see me unless it was something urgent going on in the underworld. I have known him for so many centuries that is almost not imaginable. However today there wasn’t anything special going on in my part of the holy world. “Do you remember when I took you under my wing?” the sudden questoon caught me offguard. So being little surprised the answer rolled of my lips “Of course I do.” how can I forget anyway? My heart will never forget. My Lydia. Her smile,her heart of gold. And my selfish wish which killed us. “There is something I didn’t tell you back then. One day your savior will be born. A person who will reverse the curse you caused on yourself. She will heal your wounds and you will become mortal again. She will give you the chance to live. When you die as a mortal I will give you the choice to either become the Reaper and never be able to find hope again or this time go to Heaven.” Speechless probably would’ve explain it. But it can’t. Hope? Being able to live? I have been living wihout hope so many centuries. Evryday I have been holding on the simple fact that there is hope or happy ending for me. Now after 1000 years he decides to tell me that there is someone on this planet who can cure me. My emotions are too strong. The anger boiled. The fear entered the dusted chamber of my heart. Hope started to creep out of its dungeon somewhere deep inside of me. Why didn’t he told me this earlier? Why was I living without hope all this time? Where is she? How old is she? She can be dead by now.

“Why do you tell me this now?” my voice was deadly low. I was in a position to shout,however I didn’t want to lose all my cool at once. “Was I not good enough to be told this earlier? Was I unloyal? Have I ever done something to make you doubt me? I created Hell and Heaven and made them absolutely perfect. The department of Reapers is so big that I barely have to go out now. Don’t tell me I didn’t deserve to know the truth.” I admit I did lost my cool. I was shouting and destroying whatever was around me. Angry tears were falling down my sharp cheekbones. “No you were. You finished absolutely mesmerizing job at what you were doing. Jungkook-a, tell me honestly if I had told you centuries ago,you wouldn’t have searched for her. Tell me you would’ve done your job the same way.” although angry,I knew he was right. Nothing ffrom what I’ve created probably wouldn’t have been even an idea in my head. The Earth was going to be small. I would’ve searched under every rock,in every village,city,country and continent. One thing I couldn’t understand was “Why telling me now?” “Because she has been born. The person who is going to bring you back is born. And her name is y/n. The Grim Reaper’s Bride.

2016

"Are you the Grim Reapers wife?” a ghost whispered in mine ear. She was a rather beautiful ghost. A girl not bigger than me. But this question… If I collected a dollar for everytime I had to answer it,by now I wouldn’t be going to school. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him.” “Oh…it’s true. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Bye.” “Wait. Talk to me.” but it disappeared. Good job Y/N. 

The Grim Reapers wife.

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PART TWO