and it's cool i can live with this

thebonelybrothers  asked:

Hey skoop, I don't completely know what mono is, it's really confusing to me. Why I avoid drawing, him. Thanks for taking you time to read this stupid ask. -Some dumb nerd

Mono is… a hybrid. Part ink, part Pluris.

The Child of Omni and Paperjam.

He’s entirely made out of a special sugar ink. Can be shot, crushed, dropped, sliced up in a million different ways and still live. So long as you don’t grind his hard soul up, he’ll continue to heal and regenerate.

He’s just a kid made of ink. You don’t have to draw him, either way. It’s all up to you.

anonymous asked:

do you think that the fact mr. robot's biggest villain is a trans woman of color is problematic?

i kinda look it at it more as she’s the most powerful person in mr robot tbh, no one can really mess with her. and yeah its shitty she’s been set up in the villain role but i think its also pretty boss how cool and in control she is. its her world we’re just living in it haha

my issue with whiterose is that a cis guy was cast to play her. and the only other trans character on mr robot who was cast with an actual trans woman had no speaking role. i’d like for esmail to bring carla and her actress back with an actual role on the show instead of a short wordless stint in prison

i dont mind diverse villains, but like there should be a contrast with that with diversity inside the protagonist’s circle too. so carla being brought back and having more of a role with elliot would be great and have that needed contrast so whiterose isnt the sole transgender person and set up as the villain

and like elliot’s circle is,,,,,,,,,,full  of white people now and i guess you can say leon is in his corner but idk he still works for whiterose. there is krista but her role isn’t huge and idk if she’s going to still treat him after she found out what he did. his sister, tyrell, mr robot, angela and i guess you can place dom in his corner now since they sorta have the same goal with taking down DA, they’re all white.

i hope sam esmail fixes that after pretty much killing 99% of his cast set up from the pilot lol. mr robot started out pretty diverse but not so much now that’s my issue with it right now

The Most Beautiful Man In The World, Who Lives In My Building And Only Ever Sees Me When I Look Disgusting

The Most Beautiful Man In The World lives in my building. i don’t know his name. we met on a bus, when i smiled WAY too brightly at him for strangers because, honest to god, my whole heart lit up in a way that made me think, “oh, i must know that guy!!” no. i didn’t. he’s just The Most Beautiful Man In The World.

what does The Most Beautiful Man In The World look like? i will tell you:

  • like the way the sun spills over water at dusk
  • like the way food smells when you’re hungry
  • like the sound angels make when they’re doing folk covers of pop songs on their heavenly harps
  • and also kind of like the guy who played Chad in “high school musical,” if the guy who played Chad in “high school musical” was the most beautiful man in the world.

i tell you this not only to brag that i live in the same apartment complex as The Most Beautiful Man In The World but also because i want to know WHY, if there even IS A GOD, every single time i run into The Most Beautiful Man In The World i look like a LITERAL DUMPSTER TROLL that has just CRAWLED OUT OF ITS GARBAGE HOUSE in search of FREE WIFI AND A SLURPEE. i want to know why i can never just BE COOL with The Most Beautiful Man In The World when we ride the elevator together, which is!!!! kind of often!!!!!

DID YOU GUYS KNOW that sometimes i look nice?? sometimes i actually look like a FUNCTIONING ADULT!!! sometimes i would go so far as to say i am an ATTRACTIVE INDIVIDUAL!!!!! 

you know who DOESN’T know any of that???

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN IN THE WORLD, WHO LIVES IN MY BUILDING!!!

here’s a quick rundown of the last few times i ran into The Most Beautiful Man In The World:

  • i was wearing a maxi dress i had very cleverly biked home in, without a helmet* (*don’t try that at home, kids), in the VERY HOT AFTERNOON SUN, so i was a GROSS SWEAT MONSTER but without any OBVIOUS INDICATOR that there was a normal reason for it, and i couldn’t stand to look at him so i just glared at my phone while he probably wondered, alarmed, whether i was fleeing the scene of a crime
  • i was wearing a white shirt that i had not SECONDS before spilled salsa ALL OVER in a big red stain right down the front like a KINDERGARTNER
  • i was carrying two armfuls of ENORMOUS bags of popcorn with a three musketeers bar literally in my mouth and he overheard me say through my stuffed candy cheeks to my doorman, “oh, no, i’m not having a party, this is literally all for me”
  • i dropped my backpack while opening my mail and said to it, defeatedly, “why? why did you do that when i explicitly told you not to? do you like being on the floor?” 
  • i fell into and then off of the elevator

why??? why does this happen??? what vengeful god has orchestrated it so the ONLY TIMES i ever run into The Most Beautiful Man In The World are when i could easily be mistaken for a child’s doll that has been put through the wash by accident, or a dollar bill that has been stained by years of being in people’s sweaty palms, or a mop with eyes???

whatever. everything costs money and everyone you love disappoints you. Mop Eyes out.

My First One Star Review on AirBnB

Story by shawk11/reddit

Buckle up boys and girls. My buddy and I just experienced some grade-A Creepyshit while on a trip to Red Rocks in Colorado. I write a lot of things down anyway and so I figured I might as well post the story here and see what you guys think.

So who here has used AirBnB? raises hand. I think I’ve used it no less than twenty times. All great experiences up until this point, seriously.

Keep reading

camp camp characters as things i have heard/said today at school
  • max: what the fuck
  • nikki: *kicking cones across the gym floor* oh god. I'm so sorry. this is my job - it's my job to destroy, like everything
  • neil: I'm too fucking smart to be in this class, teacher
  • preston: I'm gonna prove you wrong by becoming a broadway actor. I'll kick your ass while tap dancing across stage
  • nerris: my wizard101 friends would say otherwise, check and mate
  • harrison: the deck of cards disappeared because I shoved them up my ass, dude
  • ered: haha it's lit!! wait. no don't walk away I'm trying to be cool
  • nurf: I'll kick your ass into the moon if you don't stop insulting the flower I drew, fucker
  • dolph: crayons are literally my savior
  • space kid: screw getting married in space. I'm gonna LIVE and DIE in space
  • david: I'm what the kids call Fun and Relatable!!
  • gwen: alright can everyone shut up I'm having a crisis. let me get through this in peace
  • quartermaster: no don't look in there. I mean it's not like there's a dead body in there or anything haha
history of the entire world, i guess; a transcript

hi. you’re on a rock, floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it’s water. fuck it, actually most of it’s water. i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you. how did this happen? a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn’t happen. nothing was never anywhere. that’s why its been everywhere. it’s been so everywhere, you don’t need a “where”. you don’t even need a “when”. that’s how “every” it gets. (pause). forget this. i wanna be something, go somewhere, do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it’s possible because everything is here and it probably already happened. i just don’t know when to start. and that’s exactly where it started. (background noise) woah. i… paused it. i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that’s a thing, in a place. don’t like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it’s not empty yet. it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees. (about no seconds later). great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three called a “proton” or a “neutron”. and there’s something else flying around too that wants to join in but can’t cause it’s still to (HOT). (about ten minutes later). great news! the protons and the neutrons are now happily married to each other (some of them even doubled up). (about 380,000 years later). great news, the electrons have now joined in. congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space. but it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together. it’s a staaaar. new shit just got made. some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. space dust! which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into even crazier space dust. so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example. holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks, and it kinda made a mess. which is now the moon. weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space. weather update: those rocks might’ve had water inside them and now there’s Hot Steam in the sky. weather update: cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava. weather update: its raining. severe flooding alert: the entire world is now an ocean. volcano alert: that’s land. there’slifeintheocean. what? something’s alive in the ocean. oh cool, like a plant or an animal? no. a microscopic speck! it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever. oh yeah, and it can do that. it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that’s pretty nifty, i would say. tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? now you can eat sunlight. using a revolutionary technique you can convert sunlight into food. taste the sun. side effect: now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky’s blue. then the earth might’ve been a snowball for a while, maybe even a coupla times. it’s a sponge, it’s a plant, it’s a worm and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish. it’s the Cambrian explosion. “wow, that’s animals and stuff.” but we’re still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land? NoO. why? the sun is a deadly lazer. oh okay. not anymore there’s a blanket. now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land! “nope, can’t walk yet. and there’s no food yet so i don’t care.” (100 million years later) ok, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here? “maybe,” said some bugs, and fish. “uh. uh. uh.” (five million years later) “ok so i can go on land but i have to go back in the water to have babies.” (idea) learn to use an egg. “i was already doing that.” use a stronger egg, and put water in it, have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg, baby, in the water, in the egg. works for me. bye bye ocean. aaand now everything is huge. including bugs. wanna see a map of the land? sure. ah fuck, now everything’s dead. just kidding here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one because its about to become the dinosaurs. here’s another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart, don’t worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor. and the dinosaurs are gone. its mammal time! here come the mammals. look at those breasts. now they’re gonna dominate the world, and one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like ‘that’. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make… pointed rocks. “ouch.” and set things on fire. “yeouch.” and make crazy sounds with their voice (“gneurshk.”) which can mean different things. that’s a human person. and now they’re everywhere, almost. ice age. what? you can walk over here? cool. not anymore. i guess we’re stuck here now.

let’s review. there’s people on the planet. and they’re chasing their food. fuck it, time to plant some grass. look at this, i control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let’s all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food. this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this. tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it’s underground. better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. guess what happens next. more food, and more people who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in, and people to make the houses. and now there’s more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come. and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people. and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power. sociiiety. coming soon to a dank river valley near you. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing bronze, made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land. i don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it. also, guess what - egypt. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we’re getting somewhere. also, china. and did i mention indusrivervalleycivilization. norte chico. the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it’s in the middle of the east. knock knock- er, clop clop, it’s the people with the horses? and they made an empire! and then everyone else copied their horses. greeks! ah look, it must be the greeks, or a beta version of the greeks. let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization. they’re gone. guess who’s not gone? china. new arrivals in india. maybe it’s thosehorsepeopleiwastalkingabout or theircousinsorsomething. and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff. you could make a religion out of this. there’s the bronze age collapse. now the phoenicians can get down to business. also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find? thanks. look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel. and they believe in god. just one though, he’s got like a ten step program. here’s some huge heads, must be the olmec. the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. here comes the assyrian empire. nevermind it’s the babylonian- median- it’s the persian empire. “wow, that’s big.” ah, the buddha was just enlightened! who’s the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying. you could make a religion out of this. oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff. and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it’s a great idea, he was…great. and now he’s dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. knock knock, it’s chandragupta, he says, “get the hell out of here, will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? ok thanks bye; time to conquer all of india- or most of india”. but what about this part? that’s the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they’ve got spices. who would like to buy the spices? “me,” said the arabians, swiftly buying them and selling them to the rest of the world. hey, china put itself back together again with good morals as their main philosophy. actually they have three main philosophies. out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload! “bye,” said the parthians, “bye,” said the jews. “hi,” said the parthians, taking over the entire place. “heyyyyyyyy,” said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. “thanks for invading our homeland,” said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. “hi, everything’s great,” said some guy who seems to be getting very popular, and then gets arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this. want silk? now you can buy it from china! they just made a brand new road to the world…or you can get there on water. “sick, new trade routes,” said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom. there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again. “remember the persian empire? yup,” said the persians, making a new one. axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick. has anyone populated madagascar yet? let’s do it together. china is whole again…then it broke again. still can’t cross the sahara desert? try camels. “hell yeah, now we’ve got business,” said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves. “hi i live in the roman empire and i was wondering, is loving jesus legal yet?” “no” “actually ok sure,” said constantine, moving the capitol way over here to be closer to his main rival. don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall. it’s the golden age of india. there’s the gupta empire. not chandragupta, just gupta, first name chandra, the first. guess who’s in rome? barbarians. what’s a barbarian? “non-romans,” said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. or actually, just half is just fine. but it’s not in rome anymore so let’s give it a new name. the mayans have figured out the staaars. oh, and here’s a huge city, population everyone. the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks. how’s india? broken. how’s china? back together. how’s those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there’s more of them. korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.

deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad’s ear, so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods, and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this. and maybe conquer the world as well. the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus there’s new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there’s room for moors. here’s all the wisdom, in a house. it’s the baghdad house of wisdom, just in time for the islamic golden age. “let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast,” said the swahili on the swahili coast. remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now. wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. “surprise, you’re the new roman emperor,” said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france. the northerners, or just norse if you don’t have that much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north, and they find some land. two types of land, and they name them accordingly. they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as vikings. there’s the rus, the kievan rus. are they vikings? “i don’t think so,” said the kievan rus. ok, fair enough. the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire, the holy roman empire. it’s actually germany but don’t worry about it. new kingdoms! christianizeallthekingdoms. which brand would you like? “mine’s better,” “mine’s better,” “mine’s better”. “time to conquer england,” said william. it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the seljuk turks. “ahh!” said the byzantine empire, who’s getting so small it almost doesn’t exist anymore, “we need help!” they need help, so they call the pope. “hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you wanna take back the holy land.” “yes, i do actually want to do that. let’s do a crusade.” crusade. they did many crusades, some of which almost didn’t fail, but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals. goodbye mayans. hello toltecs, goodbye toltecs, hello mississippi. look at those mounds. there’s the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff. guess who’s here? khmer. where? here, and pagan is there, and vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis. i bet that will last a long time! some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india. is it tonga time? i think it’s tonga time. i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold. look at this chad (means lake), there’s an empire there, right in the middle of africa. the king of mali is so rich he’s going on tour to let everyone know. “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said. the christians are doing a great job of conquering iberia which will soon be called spain and not spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you are still christian when you least expect. whoops, half of europe just died. ming. china’s back, yay. hey khmer, time to share, new kingdoms here and there. oh look who controls all the islands, its the mahajapit. majahapit, mapajahit, mahapajit, mapajahit, majapahit? oh, italy’s really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it’s kinda like a rebirth. here’s a printer, lets make books. so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? “yep,” said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. whoops, you missed a spot; don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade. “what? that’s bullshit,” said portugal, spiceless. well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india. “wait,” said christopher colombus, probably smoking crack, “if the world is round, lets go this way to india!” “nah, don’t worry we already got this,” said portugal. so chris goes to spain. “hey spain, wanna hire me to go find india by going around back of the world?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.” “please?” “ok.” so he sails into the ocean, and discovers more ocean, and then discovers ‘the indies’ and ‘japan’. let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent. the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other. move over lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again. move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again. let’s make it the other kind of islam, the one where we thought the first guy should’ve been the other guy. hey christians, do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell. “that’s bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that’s a scam, fuck the church, here’s 95 reasons why,” said martin luther, in his book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation. “you know what would be magnificent?” said suleiman, wearing an onion hat, “what if the ottoman empire was really big, which it is now.”  “what if russia was big,” said ivan, trying not to be terrible. portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade, and then that dream was real. and spain realised that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. “damn,” said england and france, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam. “damn,” said amsterdam, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” question one: can you get to india through north america? no, but at least there’s beaver. question two: steal the spice trade. that’s not a question but the dutch did it anyway. sugar. guess where all the sugar’s made? in brazil. stolen! in the carribean, and it’s so goddamn profitable you might forget to not do slavery. the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger. britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world, more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss? yes they did, it’s britain. guess who’s broke? also britain. so they start taxing the hell out of america.

“fuck you,” says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it. france helps them win, now france is broke. and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. wait if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? “let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. you could make a reli- no don’t. haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. “why didn’t we think of this before?” wait, who’s in charge of france now? “me,” said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back. luckily, they banished him to another island. there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin america wars of independence. britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains, and conquer india and maybe put some trains there. “hey china,” said britain, “buy stuff from us.” “nah, dude we already got everything,” says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked actually, but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy-fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afganistan. also the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now, that’s just where he lives. india had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. “nope,” said britain, governing them even harder than before. technology is about to go crazy. the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. “it’s bad,” they decided. and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land, and maybe kick out the mexicans too. “i know, let’s rape africa,” said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia.  britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand. the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more. hawaii. cuba. wait spain controls cuba. “well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on them? let’s blame the maine on spain!” so they blame the maine on spain. now we’re in business. to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go. china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government. europe hasn’t had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns. it’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one. after it’s over, they blame germany. russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government. now everyone’s paycheck is the same. communism, in the soviet union. the arabs revolt, and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won’t mind. “let’s cut the cake,” said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire. except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey. and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do. hello? yes, it’s the 1920s calling. let’s get in a car and drive to a party and listen to the jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy’s great and it’ll probably be great forever. just kidding. germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model. he’s mad at the jews for existing. japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it. hitler’s out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all the jews is a bad idea, but he kills himself before they could explain it to him. that’s world war two. bonus round: pacific showdown, united states versus japan. fight! finish him. let’s unite all the nations and have some world peace. seems legit. “hi i’m gandhi and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india i’m going to starve myself in public. wow, that worked?” bonus: now there’s pakistan. actually two pakistans. one of them can be bangladesh later. the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. “me”, they both said at the same time. “let’s divide up the land so everyone’s happy.” sike! they both get angrier. look out china, there’s a new china in china. what’s on the menu? communism! “no thanks,” said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china. there’s the korean war, korea versus korea, nobody wins, then it’s on pause forever. let’s meet the sponsors. oh, it’s the two global superpowers. they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. fight! wait no that would be the end of the world. let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs. “i’ll race you to space. now let’s make some more countries fight themselves.” europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here’s a new map, with new countries. now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by. the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it. let’s check the world population. woah. okay. technology’s better too, that might keep happening. the soviet union decides to relax a little and accidentally falls apart. europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money; except britain because they don’t feel like it. let’s check the mail. surprise! it’s on the computer! whoops, someone just attacked america, i bet they’ll remember that. phone call, surprise, it’s in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise, it’s on the computer! now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket. whoops, the economy just crashed. don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail, because they’re not supposed to. surprise, flying robots! with bombs. wanna print a brain? some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic. “let’s save the planet,” said everybody, not knowing how. “let’s invent a thing inventor,” said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor. that’s pretty cool. by the way, where the hell are we?

Things OW Mains want you to know
  • Genji: whats better than one genji and healer? four genjis and no healer
  • McCree: my aim should not be possible but it is
  • Pharah: I cannot move please do not shoot me i havent had potg in months
  • Reaper: i shop at hot topic because im too young to shop at spencer's
  • Soldier 76: my gun has built in life alert
  • Sombra: Fuck Fareeha Amari Personally
  • Tracer: It's not harrassment if the calvary's here
  • Bastion: you're dead
  • Hanzo: my aim should be way better but it isnt
  • Junkrat: disgusting
  • Mei: i am the only one who can kill you face to face and i need you to respect that and not go around my oddly placed wall
  • Torbjörn: sweden is cancelled
  • Widowmaker: my ult does almost nothing for everyone but me but i will announce it every chance
  • D.Va: they can nerf me but you cant nerf this
  • Reinhardt: charging into walls is a way to get around
  • Roadhog: the breathing on the selection screen is meant to make you uncomfortable
  • Winston: furious george goes bananas
  • Zarya: theres no reason my weapon should reach a flying farah but it can
  • Ana: fda approved tranquilzer darts for kids
  • Lúcio: i can boop you twenty feet in any direction for what reason
  • Mercy: Let Me Live
  • Symmetra: torbjorn but not Fucking Rude
  • Zenyatta: idk how zen mains stay alive but its cool

anyway can i just say its wild how me just being like ‘here put this sword on your blog to show you are gay’ has turned into ‘swords represent being gay’

no dog im just offering a cool sword to my fellow gays in these harsh times we live in . i like swords and want to share

Kiwi

Originally posted by fearless-man

Inspired by Harry Styles’ song ‘Kiwi’. Just an one shot without any connections to other stories I’ve written. Hope you enjoy!

Warning: Smut

She’s driving me crazy, but I’m into it, but I’m into it
I’m kinda into it
It’s getting crazy, I think I’m losing it, I think I’m losing it

Keep reading

bad ending to “the shape of water”: eliza dies, abe is sadman deadgf, abe is tortured and battered at the end but its only hopeful for him but eliza just dies and is forgotten about

neutral ending to “the shape of water”: eliza doesn’t die but she and abe fight and they have a ~~bittersweet~~ ending where he just swims off into the ocean or something and they stay angry at each other forever

acceptable ending to “the shape of water”: eliza and abe don’t break up but they can’t be together; he has to be one w/ the water and be kept hidden far away but he visits her often and the future is good for him

GOOD and TRUE ending to “the shape of water”: eliza and abe dont break up and he doesnt leave, he just sorta finds a way to live in her apartment and be w/ her. the conquer the haters and everyone just sorta becomes cool w/ her having a fish husband. he wears hats and scarves sometimes when they go out so he can disguise himself as a human….kinda and he thinks its the neatest disguise. they’re cute and live together forever and somehow get married. they reinvent love. the end.

30-10-17

Aries: When the wind blows from the South-East and carries the scent of lilacs, you will know it’s time.

Taurus: This is your fault. It turned out better than anyone expected, but it’s still your fault.

Gemini: Re-think that summoning circle. Something is out of place. You don’t want a repeat of the sludge creature, do you?

Cancer: Chewing on metal files will not make your words any sharper.

Leo: Don’t you dare call him. Leave well enough alone.

Virgo: You need some balloons. They’ll make you feel better.

Libra: Don’t worry about the dripping noise coming from down the hall. Even if you look for its source, you won’t find it.

Scorpio: “There were times I thought I’d die for the want of you. Now I feel as though I can live due to your absence.”

Sagittarius: Eggs. Collect them all. You’ll need them soon.

Capricorn: Bear teeth are useful for so many things - Magic, cool necklaces, stuffing them in your own mouth to frighten children.
You should become a Bear Dentist.

Aquarius: Pay no attention to the orbs of light following you around on your nightly walks. They’re just trying to make sure you return home safely.

Pisces: It’s one of those things that breaks very easily. You shouldn’t test it. Seriously. Don’t.

anonymous asked:

I don't really know where to ask this, sorry. How hot does it have to be before a dog should be wearing booties? What about a cooling vest? I'll be walking my SDiT across campus in Kansas summers and I don't want her to overheat if I think it's fine outside

Here’s a good info graphic! In the summer, you need to watch out for signs of heatstroke in dogs. Dogs will experience symptoms such as

  • rapid breathing
  • bright red tongue
  • red or pale gums
  • thick, sticky saliva
  • depression
  • weakness
  • dizziness
  • vomiting
  • diahrrea
  • shock/coma

If you live in a place with a hot environment in the summer, you should look into vests that are going to be less bulky, boots, and cooling vests. These can all help to keep a dog cool when outside in the heat. Don’t shave a double coated dog unless directed to by your dog’s vet – double coats act as insulators and help keep your dog cool in hot temperatures. Always keep water on you and give your dog water frequently staying hydrated is important to preventing heat exhaustion. 

Chelsea

So I’ve been interning with Microsoft for about 2 months now and the absolute hardest part about writing code as part of a goddamn massive codebase is not the actual code-writing itself, it’s navigating the absolute clusterfuck of connected components. The hierarchy of data flow is fucking massive and data access is strict as fuck and basically I wrote A Thing to explain what it’s like trying to get a simple thing to work.


You need a hammer for the project you’re working on. You go next door to your neighbor Dave and knock on his door. “Can I borrow your hammer?” you ask. Dave grits his teeth, “Ah no, I don’t have a hammer. Oh, but Wendy has a hammer.” “Alright cool,” you say. “I’ll go ask Wendy. Where does she live?” “Ha,” says Dave, looking at you with either pity and amusement. “Ha ha ha ha.”

Wendy lives outside your neighborhood. You’re forbidden from visiting her yourself. Dave’s allowed to visit her, so you need to bring Dave along (or his kids or husband or who-the-fuck-ever so long as its someone from this Dave household). So fine, okay, you’ll bring Dave. You and Dave go to the bus line that takes you to Wendy’s neighborhood. You wait around ten minutes for the bus. Dave flashes his bus pass. You don’t have one.

“Do I need a bus pass like that?” you ask. You hate the look on Dave’s face. “Yeah, you need one.” “Okay where do I buy one?” “Oh. Oh hahahaha no. They’re free but you have to register with Ann.” “Okay.” “And Kel.” “Okay?” “And Pooja.” “Ok—why? Wait? Three people??” Dave’s still laughing. “Dude sometimes you have to register with like 10 or more. This is a lucky break.”

Okay. Okay okay. You track down Ann, and Kel, and Pooja, who all have weird last names like “dll” and “csproj” but look you don’t question it. You give your name to all of them. You wait another ten minutes at the bus station and the bus driver finally lets you on.  

You and Dave show up at Wendy’s house. You knock. There’s no answer. “Huh,” says Dave, “Ha weird. Wendy should be home.” “Okay…?” you say. Dave peers through the window. “Yeah she’s definitely home.” “Why won’t she answer?” “Oh well, Wendy needs to be given three very specific objects to answer the door. Did you bring those?” You rummage around in your pocket. You only have two of them.

“How do I get the third?” you ask. “Oh, well,” says Dave. “That third thing they only sell in Anu’s neighborhood.” You hate this already. “How do I get to—” “Yeah you’re probably gonna need to register with like, 5 more people for that bus pass.”

Forty minutes later you come back. Dave’s with you and so is Anu’s daughter, who apparently needed to come along to deliver the thing. You don’t know how many lists you’ve put your name on and it confuses you but alright. Whatever. You knock. Wendy answers.

“Wendy I need a hammer,” you say, skipping all the niceties.

Wendy blinks. This request confuses her. Turns out she’s been borrowing a screwdriver from your brother this entire time. You relying on her for a hammer while she relies on you for a screwdriver creates a circular dependency that causes everything to fall apart. You simply cannot have the hammer.

How, then, do I get the hammer?” you ask, irritated. Dave scratches his chin. “Well you have to break the circular dependency.” “How?” 

“Oh, simple, you have to move.” 

“???” 

“Yeah like, move houses entirely. Rip down your old house and set the whole thing up elsewhere.”

“You can’t be goddamn serious,” you say. 

Dave shakes his head, “No I’m totally serious. Oh also, all those people you registered with? You’re gonna have to change all those registrations now that your address has moved. And you’ll probably have to track down about 6 new people to register with.”

Your eye twitches a little. You only need a hammer.

Mr. Hermit Crab!

We’re playing a pirate campaign and we’re sailing. Our paladin is a sort of living construct who doesn’t needed to breathe and wanted to test this theory by jumping off the ship. He rolled a 5 on investigation and found a hermit crab. The following conversation happened.

Paladin: hello mr hermit crab!
DM (as hermit crab): hello
Paladin:nice shell you got there!
DM (as hermit crab): thanks. its my home. i live here.
Paladin: its my first time down here…anything cool to see?
DM (as hermit crab): hmm…-pulls copper coin out of shell-
Paladin: um…ill trade you…this coin (a gold coin)
DM (as hermit crab): woah! thats a nice coin!
Paladin: gonna trade??
DM (as hermit crab): what does that mean
Paladin: you take this coin, and i have that coin, and we switch
DM (as hermit crab): uhh..i…i like my coin….but that coin is pretty nice too…you can have it

DM: at this point the boat is 100 feet away
Bard: -plays my heart will go on on kazoo-

Paladin: i walk to shore and talk to any fish i go by
DM: they swim by and say “HELLO”

How Chill Is Your Sign?
  • Aries - No chill. Nope. Uh uh, nada.
  • Taurus - Chill af unless you try to take their food
  • Gemini - "Imma let you finish, but nah imma never let you finish because i have no fucking chill."
  • Cancer - Yeah, no.
  • Leo - Can be chill if you give them a mirror but most likely out hunting ur man
  • Virgo - Chill on the outside but is having an existential crisis internally
  • Libra - The limit does not exist for their chill, the fucking chillest
  • Scorpio - They had chill once, but decided to eat its heart because blood
  • Sagittarius - Absolutely NO chill, they are fucking rUtHlEsS
  • Capricorn - Pretty chill until they diabolically take over the whole goddamn world
  • Aquarius - lmfao so chill they are below zero and live with the penguins cuz they're cool af
  • Pisces - Chill but mostly cuz they aren't paying attention but not chill cuz they are probably daydreaming ripping u limb for limb RIP
3 Perfect Days In Seattle: A Guide

Day 1

Morning Coffee: Elm Coffee Roasters

240 2nd Avenue South | Seattle, WA 98104

If you fly in take the Link (Seattle Public Transit) downtown.

Right when you get off, you can walk a few blocks until you find Elm Coffee.

This place was recommended by new friends I found from Instagram the wide open space is filled with a white marble bar, and tables accompanied by wicker chairs that seem to fit you just right.

 Petite pastries lay across the bar. The most tempting are the vegan donuts, although you won’t be able to tell the difference.

 The coffee has a light, citrus scent to the roasted beans and the pitter patter of feet fill your ears as customers line up for their morning latte. The ambience is very relaxing, light chatter feels comfortable, and is a sweet spot that isn’t so touristy (like Original Starbucks, you can go there, too!)

Mid-Day Brunch: Biscuit Bitch

1909 1st Ave | Seattle, WA 98101

Walking down to Pike Place, the infamous marketplace is next. To satisfy the itch to try new food in the city, you can get your southern soul food fix closeby.

 The sidewalk is usually lined up with hungry brunchers in line or waiting for one of the (few) coveted tables. The popularity of this place is obvious with people casually walking by end up joining in on the biscuit madness. Biscuit Bitch has all the sass and snarkiness that lives up to its name. The staff has hair all colors of the rainbow, tattoos that dot their arms, and are quirky and loud. I blushed a bit while ordering the “Hot Mess Bitch” but I’ll admit it felt cool to cuss when I ordered.

 The Hot Mess Bitch had me exploring every corner of my cardboard to go box (everything is packaged to go). One bite had me chomping down smooth grits with cheese and the next bite I’d get a flavor whirlwind of sausage, jalapeno and biscuit. Every bite was a new experience depending on which ingredients I wanted to combine next.

The Hot Mess Bitch- Biscuit Bitch

Keep reading

hey, so my name’s maja, i’m from poland and i’m asking for help.

i’ve been living with severe depression for probably four years as for now. i’m gonna keep it short so it won’t become a sob story: i had to drop out from uni two times, which was extremely painful experience for me. i can’t keep a job, even a part-time one. i struggle with self harm, suicide thoughts and frequent panic attacks (add to it being not-cis, dysphoria and transphobic parents)

i need money for psychiatric appointments, meds and therapy. my parents will help me out with some of it, but my family is really poor, so they can probably only pay for psych appointments and meds, but not for therapy. and i tried being only on meds and i still failed my classes and dropped out lol.

one therapy appointment here cost a little bit more than 25$. if i wanted to go once a week, 100$/month - so it’s probably the goal i will try to achieve, but tbh even one dollar would be cool! i hope when my meds kick in (after a few weeks), i’ll be able to find and keep a summer job, so i can pay for stuff myself.

tl;dr: severely depressed person needs help with paying for therapy. paypal address: stumilowywood@gmail.com

i know i’m still in fairly good situation, i have food, i have a place to live, there are definitely people on here who need money much more than me. i know it may sound kinda pathetic, but i just want my life back.