and it's all very complicated

∠( ᐛ 」∠)_
Heyo.

Time to Explain

This is very complicated, so I’m not sure how this will go or how long it will be. But I’ve posted personal stuff for over three years on here now and many of you have followed me for that long and know quite a bit about me, and you all deserve to know what is going on. (And hell, maybe some of you may have some insight or advice.)

As most of you know, I have been with my wife Chelsey for six and a half years. We have two amazing boys together and are best friends. But she also finally came to terms with the fact that she is not bisexual, but in fact gay. And I completely understand.

Yes, it hurts because I cannot ever have her the way I want her, but I am content with being her best friend and her mine. I’d much rather have her in my life as that than nothing at all. I still love her, and want the best for her, and want to support her through this because most everyone else in her life will not understand and will judge her.

I am incapable of that. So we have decided (unless it becomes to hard) to still live with one another and raise our boys together. We are best friends, and can talk to each other about literally anything. It’s going to be very hard to let go of certain feelings I have, and I’m not sure if I will ever honestly be able to, but I’m going to try my hardest to put that passed me and focus on what our relationship is now. 

I am sorry for my posts last Monday when I drank way too much, blacked out, and posted shit all over here and Facebook. That is circumstances that have nothing to do with who Chelsey is (it was my fault, I assumed the wrong things and let my past take control of my mind, don’t think I was mad and got drunk because she told me she was gay. In fact, she didn’t tell me until yesterday because she couldn’t hide it anymore). As some of you may know or have lived through, sometimes you have to hide your true self from the world due to how you were raised, who your family is, or what society and everyone else expects you to be. I’m going to try to stay positive, and hopefully soon I can let myself open up to those of you willing to support me.

I do ask to support Chelsey as well. She is struggling with her identity, her past, and many other things right now, and she needs it. Maybe someone who can relate a bit can message her (here is her blog) and give her some advice, or just talk to her. She needs it. I will not tolerate any rudeness towards her because she does not deserve that at all.

It’s a very strange situation - we are separated but live together, we get along perfectly well, we are staying married because fuck all that legal shit and we both have no interest in finding someone else right now. It’s complicated, confusing, and hard. But we will get through this, and before anything she is my best friend and I cannot stand to lose that. She and I can talk about anything together and work in tandem together, and that is important and rare.

I’ll be opening up my ask box again for anyone who would like to ask something, has some advice, or wants a bit more clarification (because I haven’t been sleeping well lately and am unsure if this even explains things well enough).

I don’t know. I hope this makes sense. Just remember this: Chelsey did not intentionally hurt me and pretend to be something she wasn’t for me. She even hid it from herself until it was finally too much to bare. I would never judge her for something like her sexuality, because one cannot help how they were born. I can only support her and keep the closeness we’ve obtained over the last six years.

Shoot me an ask if you’d like some clarification about anything. I don’t really mind letting you all know what’s going on, because honestly it will probably help to talk. If I can let myself.

It began to rain a particularly wet and cold rain. Rincewind and Twoflower sat under a tree and watched it.

“Rincewind?”

“Um?”

“Why are we here?”

“Well, some say that the Creator of the Universe made the Disc and everything on it, others say that its all a very complicated story involving the testicles of the Sky God and the milk of the Celestial Cow, and some even hold that we’re all just due to the total random accretion of probability particles. But if you mean why are we here as opposed to falling off the Disc, I haven’t the faintest idea. It’s probably all some ghastly mistake.”

“Oh. Do you think there’s anything to eat in this forest?”

“Yes,” said the wizard bitterly, “us.”

“I’ve got some acorns, if you like,” said the tree helpfully.

They sat in damp silence for some moments.

“Rincewind, the tree said—”

“Trees can’t talk,” snapped Rincewind. “It’s very important to remember that.”

“But you just heard—”

Rincewind sighed. “Look,” he said. “It’s all down to simple biology, isn’t it? If you’re going to talk you need the right equipment, like lungs and lips and, and—”

“Vocal cords,” said the tree.

“Yeah, them,” said Rincewind. He shut up and stared gloomily at the rain.

—  The Light Fantastic, Terry Pratchett