I’m so sorry I loved you for so long. I’m so sorry I kept trying to hold onto you when it was obvious you didn’t want me in your life anymore. All you wanted was to be set free and I think I have finally learned to let you go. Not because I want to, but because you’re happy with out me. And all I ever wanted was to make you happy.
Oh, btw, I’m going to be updating my commission price list again for this year. Feel it still needs some adjustments for how I draw now.
And sorry I’ve been slacking on the ones I do have and not posting much. I’ve just been in the depression hole for a while. :’) Hoping these new meds I got recently will be helping with that tho. I’m already feeling at least something now.
screw this song, I hate timing overlapping lines and it’s even worse when they’re not at all in sync with each other x___x
but. it is done now. and it even came with a bonus surprise shot of Muromachi doing that cute nervously-tugging-at-his-clothes thing he always did during this match! I thought it hadn’t made it onto the DVD ヽ(；▽；)ノ I didn’t think to check the song…!!
ok but when i told seb the bookmark i made was of the romanian flag, he kind of went slack in shock and his eyes grew even wider and his jaw dropped and that’s when he reached for me and pulled me in for a hug. i swear on my life his voice was shaking when he said “this is awesome, thank you, thank you so much!” right in my ear, sincere and genuine. i’m so emotional he’s such a sweetheart
OK, people, there’s a lot of things we can trash Jefferson for, but I think we should cut him some slack on the mac n’ cheese issue. It’s hard to make really good mac n’ cheese, and my experiments have convinced me that his i.e. the dish his slave chef, James Hemings, cooked, was probably delicious. Can we give James Hemings a little credit here? He was probably a really fantastic chef, who deserves acknowledgement for his talent and skills.
Heyo, this is the first one of that random word thing that I’m doing! I decided to do it in alphabetical order, so here’s first! I don’t really know what I’m gonna write, so here goes!
The dull sound of your fingers tapping against the dresser resounded throughout the rather empty room as you stared down at your drawers, trying to decide what to do. Logically, you knew you coudn’t do this, but there was no way in hell you were going to let down Baekhyun. He was so excited, and you didn’t want to disappoint him. Besides, you could handle a bit of sun … right?
You burrowed yourself deeper against Baekhyun’s chest as you stared numbly as the television. It had been such a boring day for the two of you, since he was too tired to do much, and you … well you couldn’t exactly go outside much, could you? Not when you had Photosensitivity.
It sounded made up, didn’t it - like something out of a science fiction novel? How can someone be allergic to the sun? It was ridiculous, and you knew that all too well; that was why you hadn’t told Baekhyun yet about your condition. It was kind of hard to avoid going outside, and you hated having to make up excuses not to go places with him unless it was later in the afternoon or nighttime.
Baekhyun shifted underneath you, and you moved your head to look up at him curiously. “What is it?” you asked, and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards slightly.
“I have an idea.”
“Of what?” you prodded, sitting up.
He let out a small sigh before following you in sitting up, scratching at the back of his head and flashing you a cute smile. “I know you don’t like to swim, but, just once, can we go swimming? It’s supposed to be a really nice day tomorrow, and I want to spend it doing something fun with you.”
Your eyes slid off to the side. This is what you hated, having to tell him lies like this. In all honestly, you loved swimming, ever since you were a kid. But the way you were now, you could only do it if it was inside. And knowing him, he’d want to take you to a water park, filled with sunlight. “I really can’t,” you tried. “I just don’t like it.”
When your eyes flicked back to him, he was flashing you his classic puppy pout, his lip quivering and his eyes watery. “Please,” he begged, and you felt a pang in your heart at the pleading tone in his voice. “I promise that I’ll take you somewhere you really want to go the day after that, but tomorrow can we go to the waterpark?”
For a long time, you stared at him, looking him up and down as your chest began to feel tighter. For all it was worth, you honestly did want to go, but you just … it wasn’t going to happen.
“Fine,” you agreed quietly, letting out a small sigh as his face lit up. You felt your lips tug at a smile, and he jumped forward, encasing you in a bear hug.
“Thank you, y/n,” he breathed into your ear, squeezing you tightly. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” you murmured back. Slowly, the smile faded as you thought of what you’d just gotten yourself into . ..
A groan escaped your throat as you burrowed through your drawers, trying to find the least-revealing swimsuit you had. The most you had was a thick-strapped bikini, and you silently cursed yourself for not thinking ahead and going to buy a bathing suit last night. You pulled out the drawer further, finding a cover up and pull up out. Your eyes flicked between the two pieces, thinking quickly. Maybe if you put on some jeans, you could cover up as much as possible.
After a while, you’d finally gotten dressed. You decided to wear jeans and a cover up over your swimsuit in an attempt to cover up as much skin as possible, and your head was adorned with a wide-brimmed had and large sunglasses. You had already lathered yourself in tons and tons of sunscreen, and made sure to put it everywhere.
Checking your bag one more time to make sure you’d packed everything, including not only your phone, wallet, and keys, but sunscreen as well, you opened the door to your room, peeking out into the living room.
At the sound of the door opening, Baekhyun’s head popped up. “Why are you wearing so much?” he asked as he stood up, slinging a drawstring bag over his shoulder and making his way to meet you in the hallway. A frown stretched across his face as he came up to you, pulling of your sunglasses. You recoiled at the action, trying to grab the glasses, but he raised them above his head instead. “You don’t need these y/n,” he reasoned, holding them even higher.
“Give those back!” you demanded, but he just laughed instead. After a few seconds of trying, you stood back, your demeanor totally serious.
The expression on his face changed as he saw your eyes boring into him, and he handed them back gently. “Sorry,” he mumbled, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the door.
Quickly, you put the glasses back on your face, making sure that they covered as much as possible. With a sigh, you followed him obeying. This was going to be a long day …
This wasn’t at all how you expected it to turn out.
You sat on a lawn chair underneath a large umbrella, your knees tucked under your chin as you watched Baekhyun with a somber expression on your face. You wanted to swim so bad, but you knew that you couldn’t. A pout graced your lips as we played around in the water, splashing back and forth.
To be honest, it would be a lot different if he wanted to do something that didn’t involve water. If he wanted to go on a walk or something, sure, you could manage that. But water … the sun is at its worst in the water. So all you could do was watch as he bounced around, a giddy smile on his face.
All of a sudden his gaze flicked up at you as we swung his hands back and worth in a big wave. You raised your hand, giving a half-hearted flick of your wrist before tucking your head further against your knees.
Before you knew it, he had run up to where you were sitting and plopped down in the chair beside you. “Why don’t you come swim?” he pleaded, nudging your arm gently. “You’ll have a lot more fun out there than sitting here pouting.”
You weighed your options; either sit here, alone, while your boyfriend enjoyed himself to the fullest extent, or go out there, while risking breaking out in hives, all for the sake of fun. Somehow, the later won over, due in part to the adorable face he was giving you.
“Fine,” you conceded, reaching into your bag and pulling out the sunscreen. “Let me put this on first.”
“I care about my skin,” you lied. “And so should you.”
He nodded in agreement, but didn’t reach for the bottle. “You’re probably right, but I’m too lazy to put in on for myself.” He paused, and you looked up at him expectantly, waiting for him to finish. “Unless you’ll put it on for me,” he suggested, flashing a sly grin.
“Shut up,” you laughed, smacking him softly. “Go wait in the pool, I’ll be over there in a bit.” With a quick nod, he ran over to the water, laughing as he went.
Left to your own devices, you stripped down to your baithing suit underneath and put on a thick layer of sunscreen. As you looked down at your exposed body, you let out a sigh. You were confident in your figure, but not confident in the inevitable.
A few hours later, you’d totally forgotten about your condition.
It’s really surprising how spending so much time with Baekhyun could make you forget about your worries. You were absorbed in his smile, as he was for you. The two of you ran around the park together, going from wave pools, to lazy rivers, and everything else in between.
As you waded in the pool at the end of the single waterslide, you started to feel an odd tingling on your back, but dismissed it immediately. It was probably just your bathing suit riding up on your back.
Your eyes caught Baek zooming out of the waterslide nearest you, and you let out a loud laugh at the terrified look on his face before he fell into the water. You waded over to him, grabbing his arm as he jumped out of the water. “Are you okay?” you asked, trying to subdue your giggles when his wild eyes looked up at you.
“I didn’t like that one,” he mumbled, and you chuckled slightly.
“Okay, we won’t ride those again. Let’s go back tot he wave pool,” you suggested, turning around and starting to pull him after you. However, he didn’t move, but stayed glued to the spot. “Baekhyun?” you called, turning your head slightly to see him staring at your back. “What is it?” you asked as you tried to turn around, but he shook his head, grabbing your shoulders and turning you away from him.
“Don’t turn around,” he commanded, and you obeyed, a confused look crossing your face. You felt his cold fingers against your skin, and then all of a sudden you felt a sharp pain on your back. With a yelp you jumped away, whipping around to face him.
“What is it? What did you do?” you commanded, but he just shook his head.
“I don’t know. Did you hurt yourself on the waterslide?” he asked, trying to look at your back again.
“No! What do you-” you broke off as you realized what it was. The tingling that you felt earlier, and the pain when he touched it. “Oh no,” you mumbled, before breaking into a run towards the area of chairs.
You’d forgotten to put your sunscreen back on.
You weaved in and out of the crowd of people, wincing every time you bumped into someone and whispering a quick apology before continuing running again. Since you’d forgotten to put sunscreen on again, it had worn off, leaving you exposed to the sun and it’s harmful rays. Now, all you could do was take an antihistamine and hope for the best.
Finally you reached the beach chair where your stuff lay, almost running into it as you slid onto the concrete ground. You bit your lips as you felt your knees slit open, but you didn’t have time to worry about it.
Behind you, you could hear Baekhyun’s footsteps as he caught up to you. Oh god, he couldn’t see you like this. Quickly, you grabbed a towel, throwing it over you to cover your back. You bit down a scream at the touch - it felt like someone was grating your skin whenever something touched the welts. But you had to cover them up; you couldn’t let Baekhyun see.
Tears were streaming down your face now, both from the pain in your knees and back as well as frustration. You kept digging through your bag, but you couldn’t find your pills. With a frustration growl you flipped the back over, spilling the contents all over the ground. Baekhyun was behind you now, and you could hear him talking to you. However, you couldn’t reply. You needed to find your antihistamines.
Your hands scrabbled all over the ground, to the point that they were scratched and bloody. Now you were sobbing - you couldn’t even see the ground now, your vision was so blurry from the tears. You felt yourself double over, his head touching the ground. “I can’t … find them …” you choked. “I can’t find the pills.”
All of a sudden, Baekhyun was beside you, holding your shoulders gently as he raised you up. “We need to go to the hospital, don’t we?” he questioned. You tried to reply, but all you could manage was a slight not.
You heard him sigh, and you started to cry harder. You knew this would happen, and know, thanks to you, his day was ruined. “I’m sorry, Baekhyun,” you sobbed, rubbing your eyes and ducking your head. “I’m really sorry. Please don’t be mad.”
“Shh, shh, it’s okay, it’ll all be okay,” he murmured, carefully pulling you against his chest and rubbing your arm. “C’mon, let’s go.” He began to gather the things around you, putting them into your bag. You tried to help, but he kept stopping you gently, giving your hand a soft squeeze before going back to cleaning up. Tears continued to stream down your face as one thought echoed throughout your mind:
It was your fault.
After a few minutes, Baekhyun had everything in one arm, his other holding your hand tightly as he led you through the mob of people. He tried his best to shield you from anyone bumping into you, but every time you let out a small shriek of pain, you could tell he was biting back the urge to fight whoever hurt you.
Finally, you reached the parking lot, where he helped you into the car. As he climbed into his side, he noticed you leaning with your head against the dashboard, your arms shaking slightly. “Y/n?” he called. “Do you want me to take the towel off of your back?” When he received a shake of your head in reply, his expression softened. It hurt so much to look at you right now, especially when he knew that it was his fault. He should have realized that something was wrong sooner, rather than forcing you to do things you didn’t want to do.
Putting the car into drive, he pulled out of the parking lot and speeding towards the hospital. Horns and shouts followed him down the highway as he ignored every red light and stop sign he could. He wanted you to be rid of your pain as soon as possible, and if that meant getting a ticket, then so be it.
You bit your lip, your eyes boring into the ground. You were sitting on one of the hospital beds in the emergency room, with a doctor standing behind you, looking carefully at your back. Your eyes drifted up to Baekhyun, who’s gaze was filled with worry. Tears brimmed your eyes at the sight of him, but you looked away quickly so he wouldn’t see.
After a moment, the doctor stood up, coming around to sit in a stool in front of you. You could feel her eyes boring into you, and, slowly, you brought yourself to look at her. She let out an angry sigh, setting the clipboard in her hand on the floor beside her. “I don’t usually get mad at a patient,” she began, and you cast your gaze back to the ground in shame, “But you’re obviously a different case.”
“I’m sorry” you mumbled.
“I’m sure you are,” she shot back. “I swear, I haven’t seen a reaction as bad as this in a long time.”
Just then, Baekhyun’s waved his hand quickly, drawing the attention of both you and the doctor. “Excuse me,” he chimed in, “But, what do you mean by reaction?”
You and the doctor shared a glance, and you shifted uncomfortably, covering your face with your hands. “Has she not told you?” the doctor asked, knowing the answer.
“Told me what?”
Oh god, you just wanted to hide. You wanted to hide and forget that any of this happened, let alone that he was about to learn something you never wanted him to know.
“Y/n has a rare form of an already rare allergy, known as Solar Urticaria,” the doctor answered immediately. “Most simply put, it’s allergy to the sun.”
There was a long pause, until Baekhyun mumbled, “The … the sun? How is that possible?”
The doctor shrugged. “To be blunt, no one knows. No one has been able to figure out yet why it happens, all we know it that it does. Y/n here knows that she’s not supposed to be in the sun for long period of time, even with sunscreen. The fact that she didn’t reapply it made it even worse. We’ve given her antihistamines to calm the hives, but seeing as how it’s already night time, and it could take a few hours for the medicine to kick in, I want you to stay overnight.” You lifted your head, giving her an incredulous look.
“There’s no way in hell,” you growled. “I’m tired of waiting around in hospitals like this. I’m going home.”
“No,” she said, more stern this time. “It’s your fault that you’re in the hospital this time. Look, I’ll even let your boyfriend stay here with you, but you’re not leaving until I clear you to go.” With that, she stood up and left the room.
With her gone, an air of silence blanket the room. You didn’t want to look up, because you didn’t want to face him and the inevitable questions.
After a moment, in a smallest voice, he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because,” you began, letting out a bitter laugh, “It would ruin everything.”
“Think of all the things that normal couples do, that I can’t,” you said. “Think of all the amusement parks, the beaches, the parks that couples go to, but I can’t.” You bit your lip angrily as tears began to stream down your face. “How could I do that to you? How could I deny you all those things?”
He didn’t reply immediately, but instead let you cry. God, he knew you needed to cry, just like he always knew everything else about you. Everything but this.
“None of that matters.”
You looked up, seeing his soft expression as a faint smile graced his lips. You could tell that he was trying not to cry. “All that matters is that I’m with you. God, if you had told me, I would never have taken you there. You know how important you are to me, and if being with you means not going to some stupid water part, do you really think I’m going to care?”
You sniffed loudly, rubbing at your eyes. “I guess not,” you murmured, laughing quietly. “I’m sorry I ruined today for you.”
“No,” he said, standing up from the chair and sitting beside you on the bed. His hands cupped your face, turning it to face him as he planted a kiss on your forehead. As he pulled you into a gently hug, he rocked you back and forth comfortingly. “You didn’t ruin it. I got to see you smile a lot today, and that’s all I need.”
With your head pressed into the crook of his neck, a smile crept across your face. “I love you,” you said, your words muffled by the fabric of his shirt.
“I love you too,” he replied. “More than any old water park.”