and it still hasn't been

8

you’re a fighter, rika | rika hongo, worlds 2017

me: i’m glad percy’s in a better place emotionally where even when he’s worked up he doesn’t just have smoke drifting out from under his clothes

also me: I Miss My Smoky Boy

This Valentine’s Day I’d like to share a few things with you. I’m 19 years old and:

I have never had sex in my life
I have never dated anyone in real life (so not on the Internet)
I have never kissed anyone
I have never been on a date
I have never even held hands with someone romantically
I literally have never even been close to dating anyone in real life

Not because I don’t want to or because I’m picky. Because no one has ever asked me out or showed affection for me or even flirted with me. I don’t think anyone irl has ever fancied me, or if they did they never let me know in any way.

And you know what? I don’t care. I moved on from feeling abnormal and broken and not whole. I refuse to connect my value as a person to those things. I will not allow myself to think of myself as less because I have never done any of those things. Yes maybe my self-esteem still relies on my uni grades or good reviews of my works but I finally stopped thinking that there is something wrong with me for not experiencing those things.

I feel happy and whole anyway. I survived every crush who didn’t return my feelings and every instance of being attracted to someone and knowing they do not like me back. I survived and moved on.

And today I’d like you to turn to things you really value in your life. Your jobs and talents and hobbies and passions. Your family and friends and pets and even house plants. Your favorite books and bands and TV-shows and video games. Your favorite ice-cream and favorite pair of jeans and favorite plush toys.

There are so many people and things you love. There are, I hope, things that make you happy. Focus on them. And screw the society that tells you that you need relationships to know that you are loved. You are already loved. Don’t let society ever persuade you otherwise.

  • Zero : Yuuki, blink if you love me.
  • Yuuki : ...
  • Zero : [blows air on her face]
  • Yuuki : [blinks]
  • Zero : Yes.