and it makes me be able to overcome it better

What not to say to people with eating disorders

This post is dedicated to those of you who know someone with an eating disorder. Are you afraid of saying something wrong, and want to know what you should and should not say?

(It is very long, and for that I apologise.)

Please read the post with respect. This applies to both patients and their family/friends. Remember that no one are perfect. The person with an eating disorder is not using her/his eating disorder as an excuse to “be difficult”, it is a real and severe problem for her/him! Just as important to note is that family and friends are not mind readers, and they are not mean. Knowing that someone you love and care about have a life threatening mental illness, is a terrible situation to be put in, and most parents will do ANYTHING in their power to save their child from illness and death.

Below is a list (with explanations) about what to say, or what not say, to a person with an eating disorder:

- Do not ask yes/no-questions. If you ask a question such as: Can’t you just eat this dinner?, the answer you receive will likely be no, and the conversation abruptly stops. The answer you receive might also be yes, but be a lie.

- Do not ask leading questions. If you ask: There is no way to make you eat this dinner, is it?, the answer will likely be no. Leading questions come with a huge disadvantage: The person can feel forced to lie. Because you are giving her/him an ultimatum, but the eating disorder does not allow this ultimatum to be realized. Please note: I am not saying that family and friends should “play along” with the eating disorder. But I am saying that if you directly oppose it, there is a high risk that you could make things worse (aka make the eating disorder stronger instead of weaker).

- Ask open questions. This is the way to go. As opposed to the two prior examples, you could ask: How are you doing right now? Why do you think this dinner is difficult for you? Are you afraid of something specific? Is there anything I can do to help?
As you can see, neither of these questions are yes/no-questions or leading questions. In other words, open questions like these will make room for honest answers. The person will feel safe that you simply want to help, and that you are trying to understand.
You should also be clear that it is fine if the person cannot, or does not want to, answer the question. Be clear that you just want to show her/him that you care. You can also add that the person can come back to you whenever she/he feels like it, and answer the question later.

- Do not say “I know EXACTLY how you feel!”. Because unless you have had an eating disorder yourself, it is very unlikely that you know that. Ask open questions instead.

- Do not comment on other people’s body or weight. First of all, this is bad manners and can be very impolite. Secondly, for a person with an eating disorder, body, weight, and appearance is by far the most difficult topic for conversation. Body, weight and appearance are topics that can, and should, be limited to treatment settings. Plus; there is a major chance that the person already knows what you think of her/his body.

- Do not say “You look better!”. This is a tricky one. Hard to understand, even for people with eating disorders (believe it or not).
Imagine this: You think you are chubby, overweight, or fat. In spite of this, your family and friends (sometimes also complete strangers) tells you over and over again that you need to gain at least 15 kilos/33 lbs. When you finally do gain, everyone are running in your direction to tell you that they can see you put on weight.
I doubt that would feel nice for any person, eating disordered or not. And this is my point here. Almost all people with eating disorders see themselves as fat/chubby/too big. It is also very common that they want to become healthy, and want to fully recover, but still do not want to gain any weight. You should avoid this comment because it confirms (indirectly, and wrongly too, of course) that the persons greatest fear of all has actually come true, they have now become even fatter, chubbier, or bigger.
It is very easy to understand why family and friends want to tell their beloved one that they look healthier! It is meant as a compliment, meant to be something mutually joyful.
It took me years to be able to handle this comment. Believe me, I have tried multiple times and failed. I tried to feel happy about it, I tried to block out the voice that translated “you look better” into “you are the most obese person on earth”, I tried to control my own reaction to make people happy. It always ended with a fake smile, and a bunch of chaos. And relapse. I have had an eating disorder for years, and it took me quite some time in recovery to be able to handle the comment as well. Before this happened, I had to overcome all the hatred I harbored against my body. 

- Do not comment on other people’s eating habits or -patterns. People with eating disorders are fully aware that they have different eating habits (or –patterns) than you, whether the difference lies in amounts or food types. First of all, the comment is unnecessary. Secondly, comments like these only contribute to the person feeling guilty: (S)he does not want to bother anyone, but now receives a clear message that that’s what (s)he does. Knowing that you worry people who love you, does not make the eating disorder loosen its grip. What it usually leads to, is the person wanting to eat alone or in secret, lie about food intake, or resort to purging/laxative abuse/(excessive) exercise. The same rule applies when/if the person eats what you think of as “too much” or “unhealthy”. Don’t bring it up. Just don’t. Leave the person alone.

- Do not talk about food during meals. I am not saying you should not express your joy over fabulous, tasty sauce/gravy. What I am saying is you should avoid saying things like: “I am so stuffed!”, “You must be very hungry!”, “Aren’t you having one more portion?”, “This is healthy!”, or “Nah, this is quite unhealthy!”. If the person actually tries to finish his/her dinner plate, you are transforming the effort into a house of cards: It could collapse any second.
If you say “this is healthy”, the person might experience trouble eating tomorrow’s dinner as it is “less healthy” (because it contains more carbohydrates, for example).
If you say “this is unhealthy”, you have potentially ruined dinner with immediate effect. In many cases, the person might resort to purging, (excessive) exercise, etc. to rid him-/herself of this “unhealthy” thing. The person might also “transfer” the unhealthy-label to many other food types similar to the one you just called unhealthy.
If you say “aren’t you having one more portion?” it could make the person stop because it is made very clear that (s)he has already consume one whole portion. (While portion sizes are unlimited in recovery, because (s)he needs all the energy (s)he can get.)
If you say “I am so stuffed!”, there is a chance that the person will make sure to eat just a fraction of the amount you eat. If eating less than you is too late, the person might resort to purging, (excessive) exercise, etc. to get rid of the “unnecessary” food.

- Do not talk about dieting, diets, healthy/unhealthy food, weight loss, or exercise. This is triggering to almost everyone. If you don’t feel too thin (to be “allowed” to do any of these things), why would a person with an eating disorder feel too thin? (This is how the illness works.) If you think you should diet, why shouldn’t the person with an eating disorder diet? It is very likely that the eating disordered person feels like (s)he is at least twice your size – even if YOU are twice HER/HIS size, for that matter. Be careful!

- Do not assume you need to tell other people what they are doing. It is not your duty, it is none of your business, and you are not the first one to point out what they are doing either. Most patients, no matter what illness/condition they suffer from, receive well-meant advice every single day. Sometimes even from people they have never met before.


Another important factor regarding this topis, is (well-meant) advice.
People with eating disorders receive tons of (well-meant) advice day after day. We who have eating disorders, of course know that the advisor means well. That, however, does not necessarily mean that any of these advices actually help, and it is not necessarily a good idea to give the advice either. In fact, you should try to avoid giving advice as often as possible.
I am not saying one should never offer good advice, but there may be several reasons as to why you should not give the advice at all. I recommend you use the following questions as a guideline:

- IS this good advice?
If so, why? In what way do you feel certain that this will make a (positive!) difference?

- Do you think the person has received this advice many times before? If so, do you really find it necessary to repeat the advice for the forty-fifth time? The least you can do is ask the person if (s)he has received the advise many times before, and if (s)he has, then drop it. Completely.

- Is your advice medically safe? Guaranteed? Or is there possibly any (slightest) chance that you are wrong?
A good example here is exercise. Many patients in recovery are encouraged to start exercising. The argument is that exercise strengthens bone mass and increases muscle mass. That is true, of course, but it only applies to people without an active eating disorder! In reality, people with eating disorders should’nt exercise at all (in spite of all the wonderful health benefits), simply because exercise very often keeps the body in starvation mode (making it impossible to recover), and also because muscle- and bone mass are already broken down – if they are broken down even more (yes, this is what exercise does, it breaks down muscles), they are never given the chance to heal.

- Is there a chance that your advice has a triggering effect? If no, how confident are you? Have you had an eating disorder? Has the person told you in detail what triggers her/him? (If you feel any doubt at all, mention the topic first and ask if this could potentially trigger.) If the advice turns out to trigger despite trying the opposite, do your best to debrief the situation afterwards.

- Øygunn

Jaal + Vetra Banter
  • Jaal: Vetra, I'm glad that we were able to overcome our awkward feelings and become better friends.
  • Vetra: Uh, sure. Me too, Jaal.
  • Jaal: So, what do you like to do for fun?
  • Vetra: This.
  • Jaal: Yes. But no, for fun.
  • Vetra: This.
  • Jaal: For fun?
  • Vetra: Yes! What makes you think I'm not having fun?
  • Jaal: Friendship is hard work.
All Mine

Genre: Smutty Goodness 

Pairing: Yugyeom x Reader 

Word Count: 2000ish 

A huge round of applause for and my immense gratitude to @smuttilyeverafter for becoming my new beta writer and editing this out. 

You’re absolutely amazing <3 and I can’t thank you enough for your help 

Originally posted by spooky7

“Yugyeom-ahh…” You exclaimed into the phone, your voice slurring from the excessive amounts of alcohol you had drank.

“Yugyeom-ahh… Come here!!” Your giggles interrupted with hiccups as you begged your boyfriend to take a break from practice and come hang out with you.

“Y/N-ah..? Are you drunk??” He asked, getting up from the dance floor, his voice laced with a mix of both concern and anger. He had been so happy to see your call but hearing your drunk voice made him infuriated and anxious beyond limits.

“Yeahh…?” You replied, still incapable of thinking properly.

“Stay where you are, I’m coming to get you” He commanded before abruptly cutting off the phone call.

You told your best friend about your leave before walking outside to get some fresh air. You knew Yugyeom was going to get beyond mad at you for getting so drunk so you decided to clear your mind a bit before talking to him again.

“Y/N-ah… Are you okay?” You heard a voice come up from behind and felt two hands resting on your shoulders.

You turned around to face whoever was behind you which brought your face inches away from Jeon Jungkook, the golden maknae of BTS.

The shy boy that had made so many advances towards you even though his entire group was extremely close with GOT7 and he knew about your relationship. But that obviously didn’t stop him from getting uncomfortably close to you whenever he got the opportunity to do so.

You backed away immediately, your cheeks flushing red after your close encounter with him.

“Yeah… I’m fine. Thanks” You responded hesitantly, your hands covering your cheeks.

He took off his jacket to provide you with some much needed warmth as he saw you shivering out in the cold.

“Oh thanks” You replied as you put on the jacket, surprised at the kind gesture.

“Come here Y/N-ah… Stay warm” He said, his hands wrapping around your waist, pulling you closer and closer to him until you could feel the heat radiating off his muscular frame.

“I don’t know when I’ll have the courage to do this again…so here it goes” He whispered into your ear, pulling your face to his as close as possible before leaning into a kiss. Your hands pushed at his chest while your eyes closed shut and all you could think about was Yugyeom.

Who the fuck do you think you’re touching, Jeon Jungkook?” You heard a voice roar as Jungkook was literally teared away from you and landed on the ground while you were pulled into the other man’s embrace.

You looked up to see a very annoyed and highly infuriated Yugyeom. His hands stroking your hair and then cupping your cheeks to make sure you were okay.

“Jagiya… Are you okay?” He asked, his eyes should’ve been showing worry, concern but all you could see was anger and irritation. But the alcohol you had consumed, which was now circulating throughout your body, was starting to take a toll on your consciousness.

“Everything is spinning…Oppa… I think I’m gonna faint…” You wheezed before slipping out of consciousness and collapsing into Yugyeom’s arms.

When you regained your consciousness after a while, you found yourself sitting on a bed in what you presumed to be a very expensive hotel room. You heard the digits of the room’s password being pressed in before the door swung open and your boyfriend stormed inside with a drink in his hand.

He placed the glass on the bedside table with a loud thud before climbing on top of you, furiously entangling his fingers in your hair, pulling harshly as his lips kissed yours with intense fervor and desire.

“I don’t ever want you getting that drunk again… Am I clear?” He spoke in between kisses, his teeth biting your bottom lip each time.

His tongue sliding down to the nape of your neck, sucking and biting it, bruising it harsh enough for everyone to see the marks he left.

“Ye-Yes Op-Oppa—” You stuttered, your voice whimpering and moaning at his touch, your head arching back from the pleasure you felt, the alcohol still surging through your veins but now only hightening your senses with every touch.

He put his hands in the back pocket of his jeans, taking out handcuffs with which he bound you to the headboard of the bed and a velvety blindfold that robbed you of your sight.

His lips melted yours once again as he sat on top of you, his arms moving behind your back to unzip your rather short dress and dropping it on the floor without any further regard, leaving you only in your black lace underwear.

In between you could swear that you heard a faint gasp but you attributed that to the delicious haze inside your head.

“Aish… You look so fucking irresistible. So irresistible and all mine baby girl…” He cooed sweetly in your ear before unclasping your bra and throwing it somewhere on the floor. As much as he loved to adorn you in such exquisite pieces of clothing, you were so much more magnificent without them.  

“I don’t want you to make any sound Jagi” He commanded, your head nodding to it before you could even think about it.

He took off his shirt that was drenched in his sweat, throwing it onto the floor to join your other pieces of clothing.

He took the glass that had his drink from the bedside table, taking all of the clear liquid into his mouth before placing the empty glass back on the table.  

He sat down on you, his lips pressing against yours as he let the liquid seep out of his mouth and into yours, your mouth taking in each drop of water that left your throat with a soothing feeling, your tongue licking your lips clean to make sure you got each and every drop of it in your mouth. He stretched out his arm to take an ice cube from the glass and place it in his mouth.

His mouth leaned down to press the cold ice on your lips before dragging it down your neck, making you moan and whimper from the sweet pleasure. He brought the ice to your nipples, making you bite down on your lip as you tried your best to hold yourself back from moaning his name. The cool sensation of the ice on your sensitive skin making you rub your thighs as you felt your arousal dripping down on them, soaking the sheets underneath you. Your back arched from the divine lust that surged through your whole body.

He slid the ice cube over your stomach before dropping it in your belly button, having you writhe in pleasure.

“Good girl….. And all good girls deserve to be rewarded.” He whispered into your ear, his teeth moving down to your underwear that he pulled down all the way to your ankles. His soft lips pressing on your inner thighs, marking your clear skin with deep red bruises before his tongue finally licked a single stripe over your dripping folds, thrusting two of his fingers into you while his tongue licked away at your clit.

“Ahhh… Yugyeom-ah…” You moaned out at his skillful ministrations. The way he arched his fingers to hit your sweet spot over and over had you turning into a moaning mess.

“Yes baby girl… Tell me who is making you feel so good” He chuckled before thrusting his fingers inside you as deep as he could while sucking harshly on your clit, relishing in your taste. His hands held your trembling legs apart as you felt the adrenaline rush through your body.

“K-Kim.. Y-Yugyeom…” You were barely able to get those two words out of your mouth as you felt your body overcome with the pleasure you felt, the intense pleasure that your boyfriend was drawing out steadily to build up your orgasm and make it that much better for you.

He could eat you for each and every single meal of the day and still be not even close to getting tired of your divine taste but the intense craving of his cock for your hot and wet tightness couldn’t be held back anymore.

He pulled away from you, making you whimper at the sudden loss of heat but you were promptly turned on your back, the palm of his hand lightly smacking your ass as he lifted you by the waist such that your heated core was pressing on his hard bulge.

He unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, letting it drop to his knees along with his boxers before thrusting into you in one go, making you cry out his name as you were thrusted forward. His cock filled you up entirely, hitting your deepest and sweetest spots that made you moan so loudly. His mouth moving to nibble at your shoulder as he pounded hard and fast into you.

“Oppa… I… I’m close”

You were panting, moaning as you could feel your orgasm approaching rapidly and your walls clenching down on his cock as harshly as it possibly could.

“Me too Jagi… Just a little…more” He moaned into your ear before moving his fingers to your clit, rubbing it with his thumb vigorously, making your nails harshly dig into the palm of your hand.

Soon, you were knocked out with your orgasm, the overwhelming bliss that had your mind filled with the satisfaction of your release.

His fingers dug into your hips with his final thrusts as he pushed his entire length deeper and deeper into you until he finally came, filling you up with his white, hot fluid. He thrusted into you a few more times to make sure that every drop of his release was inside you, your tight walls milking his cock for all it had left.  

You could hear a faint moan and whimper from the corner of the room but you were too exhausted to question it as you collapsed on the bed, Yugyeom’s release seeping down your thighs and onto the sheets.

He undid your handcuffs and let you lay down on the bed before going to grab a cloth with which he cleaned you up with. He sat on the bed, placing you on his lap as he stroked your hair and cheeks, pressing light kisses on your lips that made you smile.

“Jagi… You can take off your blindfold now” He whispered into your ear before biting down on your earlobe.

You slowly moved your hands up to take the blindfold off, dropping that velvety piece of cloth onto the bed before entwining your fingers in his hair as you kissed him. You only stopped when you caught a glimpse of someone sitting by the couch that faced the bed.

It was Jeon Jungkook.

And he just saw you having sex with your boyfriend.

You looked at the poor boy, his forehead drenched in sweat as his trembling hand was wrapped around his hard dick and his pure black jeans stained in what you assumed to be his cum.

“Jungkook-ah?” You questioned before hiding yourself under the blanket.

“No need to hide yourself Jagiya… I like showing you off…” Yugyeom licked his lips darkly before hungrily devouring your neck that was already covered in his bruises.

“Y/N-ah…” Jungkook’s soft, broken voice trailed off, his hand still languidly pumping his cock as he saw your flushed red cheeks and sweat covered body.

“And she’s all mine…” Yugyeom smirked as he kissed you passionately, his tongue moving into your mouth to elicit all sorts of moans and whimpers from you. His hand moving to your ass before giving it another loud smack.

“And this is as far as you can possibly get concerning fucking my girlfriend hyung” he directed his warning at the other male, his tone void of any emotion other than posessiveness as his eyes shot daggers at Jungkook. His mouth moved to nibble on your sensitive ears that had you gasping for air and your nails digging into his shoulder as you rocked your hips over his crotch again, covering it in your juices once more.

“Now let me etch into your mind how divine my Y/N-ah looks getting fucked…By me.” Yugyeom pushed you on all fours again but this time you were facing Jungkook.

With that you knew that this was going to be an exceedingly long night.

And all you could do was lick your lips in lustful anticipation of what Yugyeom had planned for you, for both you and Jungkook.


Written By: Admin Sangria~

Holy shit its a meta post on the worst mp100 villians.

Honestly every character in Mob Psycho is so relatable. Even the worst villains in the series are super relatable!!!! But the way they’re handled makes them so much more important than everybody gives them credit for!! 

-

Touchiro: “I have a Very Special Thing so I am Better Than Everybody.”

This is VERY relatable, especially if you’ve grown up as a single child or as some sort of ‘gifted’ program or had a very special talent or skill and were constantly praised on that!!!

The thing is, the way he ends up being defeated shows that He Is Not A God. It is not a good thing to find yourself relating to Touchiro, its a cautionary tale that shows that you still need to grow because Touchiro is a story of Hubris. Even the strongest people in the world have their weaknesses and in the end if you’re alone in your pretension and self-righteousness it won’t matter jack shit about how good you are at anything, because you’ll still lose in the end.

-

Mogami: “Everything in my life is shit so i’m gon be a shit person and drag the world down with me.” 

This is a very relatable feeling, especially when you’re under constant pressure or abuse or anything of the sort. Its Very Very easy to fall to your anger and bitterness and hatred and take out your feelings on other people!! Mogami to me is so incredibly relateable, but again his relatabilitly is not shown as a good thing!!! This is also shown in other characters such as Lapis from Steven Universe, but I feel like Mogami personally is the best character to show just how Bad this mindset can be, because its the absolute and most extreme version of it!!

When Mob goes through those six months of hell, the same bitterness ends up building in him and he does end up acting on it, and he almost does do something really bad because of it! But he was able to break out of that mindset thanks to Dimple and that shows us that It Is Possible to overcome your own hatred!! 

That is a really really important message to me!!! This entire ARC is incredibly important to me!!! ITS SUCH AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE!!!

Even Minori ends up realizing how shit she had been!!!

Its!! A!! Good!! Arc!!

If you only act on your hatred and bitterness, it will end up consuming you entirely and you won’t be able to recover from it, but if you actually do make an Active Effort to not let yourself be consumed by that, you will grow and change and become a better person!!!

-

Psycho Helmet/Broccoli: “This is all i’ve ever known so it must be right.”

Yeah I know i’m listing a sentient vegetable in a relatable villains list, but if you try and tell me he’s not a worst villain i’ll actually fight you. Rip Dimple ;w; but Psycho Helmet was made with the powers of a god, and then manipulated into a desire to take over the world as one. Then, when Dimple stopped and wanted it to end, Broccoli continued because he literally knew nothing else!!!!!

THAT IS SUCH A GOOD AND RELATABLE CONCEPT FOR A VILLAIN OH MY G O D I JUST TYEUWIHSJDKF.

Don’t only get your information about things from one place!!!! While you hopefully won’t be dumped into the ocean to rot, you’ll still find yourself being made a laughingstock if the information you were given was wrong!!!

t4uwieorIJSKDGE

I just love ONE-Sensei’s writing so much. Is so important and I might actually cry over this. Perhaps I’ll do another one of these weird meta things, but i’ll leave it here for now. :D

Thanks for reading!

5

Information for Selective Mutism Awareness Month.

EDIT: Okay, so this post got around more than I expected and I need to say this. If you suspect you may have selective mutism, please try to get help as soon as you can. I waited too long to attempt getting help and now it feels nearly impossible for me to get better. Dealing with selective mutism is a pain and it makes life harder and it’s scary to think about my future because of things I won’t be able to do. I know it’s hard to ask for help, but it’s very important that this is treated early on. Selective mutism becomes more difficult to overcome the longer you suffer from it.

Idk what would be better

Kaiba being faced with a failure or inability to do something he WANTS to do and forced to accept it

Or just being able to continue to overcome and reach for victory, doing the impossible out of sheer force of will and determination

Part of me wants to know what would happen if he were to be forced to accept a failure, or to be placed in a situation where there is truly nothing HE can do. Or a situation that makes him tackle the problem in an un-Kaiba like way. The duels where he has to work with another duelist are a taste of this but not as challenging to his methods of solving problems as they could be. Would Kaiba EVER accept that he cant do something?

But part of me also loves that hes a freight train of innovation and persistence that cannot be contained. Its hard not to cheer on a character that can break the rules of the universe to get what he wants. Not EASILY, but because he wants it enough.

the ending of teen beach 2 is so incredible, and i’m getting more emotional the more i think about it.

because a lot of people talk about it from a very linear standpoint, that it doesn’t make sense to change history because if mack and brady never met, she would have left for private school already. 

but that’s just missing the whole point–that all it takes is one formatively feminist movie, one character that you feel represents and challenges you, to change your life. and now, because mack had that one movie, she’s more secure in everything she does. she found her passion for surfing sooner. she made the decision on her own not to go to private school. she made the first move in asking brady out. lela’s existence, lela’s narrative, changed her whole life, made her more confident in who she was. and she was already confident, we know that, but the first movie is about her self-doubt and her perfectionism and her desire to please her family, but because of lela, she was able to handle and overcome all of that by herself, because she knew what she wanted to do and where she wanted to be.

and it just overwhelms me because that’s how important representation is. that’s what this movie is about, letting women take ownership of their destiny and inspiring one another, and it makes them better, it makes the people they love better, everything is better.

anonymous asked:

Everyone's just like "yeah my ADHD sucks but I'll never be able to imagine my life without it" and I'm here like what??????????? Like if i had the chance I'd get rid of it in a heartbeat. What would you do?

That’s really difficult to answer.

There are so many time my ADHD has made my life so difficult. My younger schooling years were so upsetting and hard because no matter what, I could never try as hard as I wanted to or get as much done as I wanted to. I’ve also had my ADHD used against me to make me feel weak and inferior. It also makes me prone to doing and saying things that make me very embarrassed with myself.

On the other hand I believe my impulsivity has thrown me into situations I never would have been able to do otherwise (I’m an over thinker by nature) and truely, I don’t know how many things would change in my life, for the better or worse, if I did not have ADHD.

Most importantly my ADHD brought me to all of you, to this little community.

I don’t think having ADHD is a fun thing or something you hope for but I’m immensely proud to have grown up and lived with ADHD and overcome so many barriers to be who I am today.

I guess what I’m saying is that ADHD is a part of me, and right now, I don’t want to change me.

6

Class Appreciation Week - Day 1 - Favorite Character

Tanya Adeola, Matteusz Andrzejewski, Charlie Smith, April Maclean, Ram Singh, Miss Quill

I cannot choose a favorite in this show. I love all of these characters and every single one of them mean so much to me. 

Tanya is a strong, smart, and confident young woman. She never hesitates to call people out on their bullshit. She was able to overcome the death of her father. She is three years ahead in school. SHE’S AMAZING!

Matteusz is such a kind-hearted sweetie, who despite being kicked out by his parents, still remains sweet to everyone. 

Charlie is a great character, in my opinion. He is morally grey and complex and it makes him such an interesting character. 

April is a lot like me. She is this nice woman that everyone believes is fragile, but in reality, she is a complete badass. She is definitely not made of glass.

Ram is the character that deserves so much better. He is this stereotypical jock but is actually a sweetheart. Despite what he says, he actually does care for the rest of the group. He’s precious. 

Miss Quill is a strong, badass character. Even though she was enslaved by Charlie, she always found ways to fight back. She never let what happen destroy her. 

A few months ago I decided to focus on myself. I stopped biting my nails. I became a vegetarian. I started only drinking water. I got up thirty minutes before the sunrise and would sit on the roof. Same with the sunset. I decided to value every little thing in this world. I ended friendships/relationships that didn’t make me a better person.
I learned how to overcome addictions. How to push myself to give up something I love. How to be healthier, physically and mentally. I learned how to appreciate everything in this world even if it’s hard. I learned how to live without people I never thought I’d be able to.
That’s what life should be. An endless attempt to learn more about ourselves and everything around us without someone else’s help. You gotta love yourself kid. No one else should have to make you happy. You can do it.
—  choose yourself
an open letter from my bpd:

i am not a phase. i am all-powerful, jet-engines-roaring, all-in, full-fledged chaos.

when mixed with depression and crippling anxiety, i am the perfect poison cocktail
just waiting for you to hit the floor.
when you think i am dissolving in the tranquilzers, i engulf you, i destroy you.
i will make you second guess every word that will ever be spoken to you,
i will make sure you feel the emptiness in every fiber of your being, whispering destruction
to each individual freckle on your face, strand of hair peaking from your head,
i am the chunk that falls from your pony tail, don’t forget about me!
you thought that you would overcome me, you thought you were better but baby i will hold you like no one else.
i will lull you to sleep in tears, silence your lips with tremors, your hands will never be able to shake me out.
i will never let you forget those who have left, you will see them in the eyes of everyone standing across from you.
i will make you feel needed and then pull the rug out from underneath your feet.
i will make sure you cannot get out of bed in the morning, i will distort your reflection every time you look in the mirror.
i will pull you out of your body, i will force you to watch yourself make decisions without thinking and i will insult you the whole time.
i will make sure you are terrified to love, i will make sure you are frightened of being loved back.
i will tell you that i am only in your head, you don’t really have me i am a figment of your fucked up imagination.
stop begging for attention, stop wanting to be heard, your voice is as empty as the hole you have dug for yourself.
without me you have nothing, and i will make sure you feel that way.

MMFD Fanfic: Feel Good, Inc. Chapter VII

This is it, y'all! The final chapter! I have a follow-up planned, but this felt like a good time to end this specific arc. Thanks for sticking through it, reading it, and generally being supportive. This was my first fanfiction writing experience and I’m not exactly thrilled with how it turned out but I am motivated to learn from this exercise and write some more. Love you all!

(also, duh, of course there is smut.)

xx

__________________________________________________

 CHAPTER 7

When Finn arrived at the flat, he found himself hesitating at the door. He’d spent the entire tube ride back psyching himself up about what he’d say to Rae. Come on, you coward. He threw open the door to find Rae in the armchair. Waiting for him. She looked devastatingly lovely.

As Finn stood in front of her, suddenly feeling ridiculous. His button up shirt felt too tight, his skinny black tie too skinny. His leather jacket a relic of boyhood. He felt like try-hard. She was this otherworldly being and he was just some poor sod blinded by her light.

“Heya,” he said lamely, sliding his bag off his shoulder. Rae stood awkwardly, smoothing out her dress.

“Hey.”

“Is Archie in?”

Rae fidgeted with her hands and replied, “No. He’s not back from class for another hour or so.”

“Great. Do you wanna grab summat for dinner, or…?”

“I…I thought we could talk first.”

Finn decided to play dumb. Why make this easier for her? She bloody well wasn’t making it easy for him.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Last night.”

“Alright.” He waited. She sighed. And something just snapped.

“What do you want from me, Rae? I had a good time. I thought you had a good time. I thought it was a pretty fantastic evening.” He felt bad for his tone, but his patience had worn thin.

Rae’s face flushed but she stood resolute. Almost business-like.

“I just want to know what it means. For us. For our friendship.”

“I dunno, Rae. What do you think?”

“I…I don’t know. It’s like last week my life was normal.  I had my job and my friends and my routine. Maybe I was lacking in the romance department, but maybe that was a good thing. Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship.”

“Ok then. I guess I there’s not much to talk about.”

He knew he was being cold, but he slipped past her and removed his jacket like this whole conversation was of no consequence.

“Finn…” she pleaded.

“What?” he spat, feeling anger rising in his heart. Or was it devastation? 

Rae looked pained. “I just promised myself that if…if I ever found you again, I’d be…better. I’d be a whole person. Not the damaged little girl who couldn’t bear to disappoint you.”

“You never…you never disappointed me,” he sputtered. Her face softened for an instant then scrunched up with frustration.

“But don’t you see that I will? Maybe not now, but I will. My whole life has been spent waiting for the other shoe to drop. Some days I am going to wake up and wonder why you are here. Some days I’m going to spend an hour staring in the mirror cataloguing every single thing I hate in that reflection. I am going to stare at a plate full of food that you have lovingly prepared and I’m going to toss it down the disposal when I think you aren’t looking. I’m going to see you on the street talking to someone, a woman, smaller than me, prettier than me, and I’m going to see you with her on your arm, imagine how better your life is going to be without me in it. I’m going to wake up in the middle of the night choking on my ugliness. I’m going to come home in the middle of the day and sometimes, I’m not going to be able to bear to look at you, I’ll be so overcome with emptiness. It will take every ounce of strength I’ve got just to get out of bed. There is no amount of medication, no amount of therapy that’s going to make me…normal. I’m never going to be well, Finn. A part of me is always going to be broken.”

She was sobbing now, wrapping her arms around herself. Finn resisted the urge to embrace her. Every word had been a blow to his gut. Her pain had always been his, whether she liked it or not. He stared at her, hard. He resolved to be straight with her. Man-the-fuck-up like he had failed to do in his youth. He’d replayed the day she walked away from him over and over in his mind for a bloody decade. He wouldn’t be caught mumbling, stuttering his way to his doom. He was going to go out in a blaze of glory.

“I’m afraid you’ve got me wrong, Rae. You’re a complicated person. Complex, or whatever. I’m…not. I know what I like and I know I like you. I’ve always liked you, Rae. I’ve always loved you, like I’ve always loved the fucking Beatles. Every fucking child hears the first few chords of ”Love Me Do” and it’s like a light switches on. Don’t know what love is, but you want it. It’s universal. That’s how it is with you, Rae. I like how you make me feel and I like what you’ve got to say about the world. Don’t you see I want to be there on the shite days? If a person can’t be there for you on the bad days they don’t fucking deserve the good ones.”

Rae stared at him. Shocked, for once, into silence. It made him furious that she still didn’t believe him after all these years. He wanted to shut his gob but he couldn’t help himself.

“It’s easy with you, Rae. It’s rare to find someone who not only makes you feel like you, they make you feel like the best version of yourself. I don’t know how it is for you, but I’ve been with other women and I’ve tried and I haven’t found anything better. It’s fucking easy until you get this idea in your head, like you always do, that you aren’t worth anything. I got fucking sick of it, Rae. I was young. You were young. I thought I couldn’t make you see how perfect you were. I felt like I’d let you down.”

Rae opened her mouth to speak, but he kept right on. He’d worked himself up and he felt if he didn’t get it off his chest now, he’d regret it for the rest of his life.


“I’m in love with you, Rachel Earl…”

“Finn…” she murmered.

“I’ll always probably be in love with you,” he thundered on. “I’m sorry if it upsets you or it’s not what you want to hear, and if you say the word, I will walk through that door and I will never talk to you again. But I’m not gonna let you walk away from me without knowing exactly how the fuck I feel about you. Not again, not ever.”

Behind him, he heard a slow clap, which nearly caused him to jump out of his skin. Archie was standing in the doorway.

“About fucking time, mate,” said Archie wryly.

“How long have you…” Finn felt his entire body numb as his heart beat against his ribcage, face red with humiliation.

“Long enough. I heard shouting from down the hall…but it seems like everything’s under control, so…” Archie slowly shut the door.

Finn stood blinking at Rae, his hands feeling floppy and dumb at his sides.. Somehow she was only a few inches away. He was not sure when that happened but it seemed like every thing about her was in extreme focus. Her doe eyes were shining, her cheeks flushed, and her body gave off this heat that threatened to incinerate him whole.

“Is that everything?” said Rae, a small smile playing across her lips.

“Yeah…’bout covers it, I guess.”

She closed the gap between them, crashing her lips against his. Finn felt his entire body unfurl into her arms. Her skin seared the places where it brushed against him.

***

He broke the kiss and pushed her back, back into her bedroom where he slammed the door shut behind them. In a flurry of limbs and kisses, he pulled her dress over her head and ran his hands over her. Rae was overcome with painful need. This isn’t how she’d expected things to go, but she was finally trying not to question it. Lose control.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. It pierced her like it was the first time. She’d heard him say it before, but she believed it for the first time.  She allowed his fondness for her to wash over her. He kissed her shoulder, running his hands behind her to unhook her bra. He ran his lips over every inch of her, claiming it all for his own. His lips brushed her neck and gave her a little nibble, causing her to moan softly. She slid her hands up his shirt, pulling it over his head. He gently pushed her back on her bed. He couldn’t stop touching her, running his hands down her legs and up to her knickers, which he chortled at.

She looked down to see what was so amusing. She was wearing lacy lime green pants that were really quite impractical in the bottom-coverage department.

“Finn…I’m sorry.”

He kissed her tenderly. “S’okay.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

She smiled and shut her eyes. It seemed like he had run out of words after his outburst earlier. They made out like teenagers, Finn paying close attention to the state of her breasts, her tummy, and her bum. He slid her panties down and slowly made his way on top of her. He entered her and she shuttered against him.

He started slow, savoring every moment inside of her before picking up just a bit to get into the groove of things. Her hips bucked up to meet his thrust, and she cried out against his chest. He silenced her with a kiss, his tongue hitting its own rhythm that complemented the timing of his lovemaking. How had she managed to bother with anyone else before this?

The sex from the previous night had been mind-blowing, but the unadulterated affection that seemed to pour out of Finn made Rae feel like she’d never been held, never been loved, never been kissed. Not in any way that had really mattered.

Before long Finn seemed to lose control of himself, quickening his pace and mumbling nonsense into her ear. She felt herself let go and float on out of her body as they both climaxed together. Finn lay on top of her for a few moments to catch his breath, swearing into her shoulder. He rolled off and sighed. She reached out for him and he pulled her close, enveloping her in a tight embrace.

She knew there was never going to be another Finn Nelson for her. He was going to be everything. And it was going to be hard, because life was going to be hard. But he was going to make her happy. She was going to make him happy. They were going to feel good. And in the first time in her life, she felt like she deserved it.

Save me (Nalu)

Okay, so this will be a very serious one-shot. It’s based on something that I went through during my childhood and I’m still going through now. I hope that at the same time it can give hope to others or even a better outlook on life. After you read this, I will properly explain the situation. It was a tough time in my life and it’s taking me so much courage to really be able to convey something that was hard to overcome and that I’m still not able to overcome fully, but am working on slowly. However I decided to make it Nalu because I don’t want to make this all sad and so I thought I would include a support system even when in reality I didn’t have one.

Name: Save me
Pairing: Nalu
Rating: Consider it as you may. *warning: self harming, self loathing, violence*
Genre: hurt/comfort

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Words, apparently, cannot efficiently convey anything of worth like a picture. However no one ever realizes that a picture only shows what it wants. It hides something much deeper. A picture only shows so much of your life or an event. I look at the photograph in my hands behind the wooden frame. Shards of glass drop at my feet from where it had broken when it was thrown across the room. The seemingly perfect family in the picture, now covered in tears, is fake

Fake.

I truly wish I didn’t have to say that. How I desired to be like the photo

My mother with her bright smile and painted red lips smiles fondly, her blonde locks in a bun, as she holds my father lovingly by the arm. Layla Heartfilia, a loving wife who gives everything for the husband she loves and her prized children. My father smiles brightly as well as he holds me in his arms, my face contorted in happiness. I remember giggling as my brother Sting is arguing playfully with my half brother, Laxus.

Times like these were far in the past. Never to come back. I run into my room, as I take out the photo and hold it tightly against me. I run to lock the door as I slide under the bed and pulls the covers along as I bury myself in them holding back sobs. I hear another crash outside and I flinch heavily trying not to yell in fear. I’m only eight years old, and I’m terrified. I can hear my mother yelling angrily as my father curses loudly.

“You’re only a ‘man’ when you’re drunk, huh?! Well, I don’t care how brave you are, don’t you dare hit me again! For love of…Your daughter is here!” I can hear my mom yell from the living room and guilt consumes me. I’m to blame again. Father, is my mad because I didn’t make my bed again? Is he mad because mommy was busy buying me clothes and she didn’t cook?

“Yer, a dumb woman! I could…care less!” He slurs in his intoxicated state and I can hear my mother yell for him to get away. As much as I tremble, I run out covers still on top of me as I clutch onto the picture.

“Please!!! STOP!!! I’m scared!” I yell and my mother’s eyes widened. Something I didn’t understand, but now I know was fear that he could have hurt me. However, she’s surprised when he hugs me tightly. I hug him back as I cry my heart out and I notice my mother’s red cheek and her teary eyes.

“Shhh, Lucy, it’s okay…I’m sorry. Daddy is sorry”, he sobs against me as I clutch onto him. He’s shaking as well and I love him despite how scare he had made me before. My mother simply walks into her room locking the door behind her.

“Daddy, please don’t hurt mommy anymore”, I whisper and his grip tightens as he sniffles and makes a silent promise, a promise he couldn’t keep. A promise he couldn’t keep for long. It continued from times where I was pushed out the door to their room. I could hear him push the door shut with a chair as I banged my helpless tiny hands on the door.

“Daddy, please!!! You promised!!! STOPPP!!!” I yelled as loud as my lungs allowed me to, but it was drowned out by my mother’s yells of pain and her cursing. I only slumped onto floor praying that it would be over soon, praying that I didn’t have to see this happen for much longer. Once my father opens the door he tries to hold my shoulder, and I can only push past him running to my mother’s side. She’s sobbing as she holds me and kisses my forehead, apologizing to me as if it were her fault she had to go through this.

I didn’t talk to my dad after that. After a few days he begged me to talk, promised endlessly that he was sorry, I couldn’t deny him. And even then I believed him because after all, he was my father, and I loved him as much as I loved my mother. Yet even when the physical violence had been taken away the fighting persisted, the heated arguments and breaking of objects.

~~xXXx~~

“Hey, Luce!” A pink haired boy called to her no older than 13. The blonde looks up from her math worksheet as the grinning teen finally reaches her.

“What’s up, Natsu?” she asks curiously as he hands her a handful of papers. She blinks as she stares at them blankly and then stared at him. “What are these?”

He smiles sheepishly this time. “Well, I was wondering if you could help me pass these out? Still don’t know everyone’s names”, he admits and Lucy giggles as she stands turning her sheet over to avoid anyone from peeking since it was an individual assignment.

“You’re hopeless”, she motions as he begins to help her pass out the quizzes.

“I was wondering if we could hang out. Maybe after school”, he whispers and the blonde could feel herself pale. As much as she’d like to, she couldn’t. Her best friend would be disappointed at her response.

“I can’t. M-Maybe some other time”, she mumbles as she notices her quiz is the last to be handed back. The pink haired male looks at her suspiciously. After all, he can tell when something is wrong with her, but seeing how much effort she’s putting to sound convincing about it, he simply nods.

“Hey, you did awesome. An 84? Wish I could score like that”, he changes the topic as he points to his 70 on the paper. Although she did really well, he notices her lips twitch sligtly as she releases a shaky breath. “Luce?” he mutters as he lightly nudges her shoulder. She remains silent before a strained smile appears on her face.

“I’m sure you can step it up!” She chirps even when the way she quickly shoves the paper down her backpack is warning enough for him that she’s not really happy or fine.

After school, Jude is waiting for her in the car as she runs to her transportation, slumping into her seat. “How was school?” Jude asks and Lucy sits up as she places on her seat belt, roaming slightly through her stuff.

“Uh, I got my quiz back from the teacher. My best friend said I did really well”, she smiled as she handed him the paper. Jude pauses to look once they’re at a stoplight on red. He hums in disappointed as her smile fades. “Is something wrong?”, she asks awfully aware of the frown on his face.

“Really, Lucy? An 84. You made the most obvious mistakes. Surely, you could have aced this, but instead you show me this?! I better not see another score like this. Do you understand?” he sighs in frustration as he hand her the paper with distaste. She looks down ashamed as she she crumbles the paper in her hand and puts it inside her bag.

Arriving home, she’s greeted by a hug from her mother as she smiles sadly and runs into her room. Layla doesn’t seemed surprise as she turns to glare at Jude. “What did you tell her now?! Why can’t you be nicer to her”, she says pointedly beginning to raise her voice slightly.

“Being nice won’t get her anywhere in life. At any rate, she’ll start being like Sting and begin to skip school and do as he wishes because his mother is incessantly indulging him”, he spits back as Layla’s face becomes indignant.

“Oh so now it’s my fault, Sting has become this way?! It’s only because his father cares more about work than his children?! He became like that because you stopped caring! You negligent father!” She yells as anger burst from Jude as he nears to clutch her by the shoulders.

“You take that back”, he hisses.

“Or what? You’ll hit me like you use to?!” she yells and a small squeak interrupts them.

“M-Mom, I’m hungry”, Lucy mutters softly as Jude releases Layla. She smiles widely as she nods to the young blonde.

“Of course, just wash your hands and come to the table”, she chirps as her father goes into the kitchen. Lucy nods locking her door again as she heads into the restroom. She loos at her reflection and it seems to almost mock her despair. 'You’re so ugly! Your parents fight because you’re a weak child who will never be good enough’, she can feel her mind tell her. The screams from before start up again as she frowns heavily.

Opens the cupboard in her personal restroom as she pulls out one of the many razor blades her brother keeps to change on his razor to shave. She brings it to her wrist and pauses. She almost made the same mistake as usual. She sighs pulling her school pants slightly down revealing the many scars on her pale legs. Some were old and some were still slightly fresh. She touches one that was barely beginning to form a scab and it reopens.

Blood drips only slightly as she curses her stupidity. She sighs as she finally takes the razor and gently sets it onto a clear space on her leg, space that she was beginning to run out of. She suddenly presses down hard as she slices her flesh. She cries, the guilt of doing this to herself is overwhelming, but she feels a weight lifted from her as the blood begins to pool around, slightly, at the laceration.

'This is for the quiz score. For being such a stupid girl’, she thinks before she razes the blade to another location and slices once again at the flesh. 'This is for being so worthless that I can’t ever make my father acknowledge me.’

She’s holding back her tears as she slices at her skin once more. The blood feels slightly disgusting as she takes some toilet paper to soak under the sink water. She dabs lightly at the wounds and hisses at the lingering pain. She flushes down the paper taking some clean paper to pace under her pants so it won’t soak through. She hears a crash and she knows her father must have broke something. She decides food isn’t important anymore as she takes her cellphone.

She lies in bed unable to take the overwhelming arguments and yells from her parents. She hears the dialing tone as she waits for the response.

“Hello?”

Lucy sighs in relief as she lets herself cry. The worry behind the person’s voice as he repeatedly call her name makes her feel that at least he cares. “N-Natsu, can you c-come over? I n-need you”, she mutters and the line is silent as a click is heard. He hung up. She couldn’t blame him. After all, no one would bother with such a worthless girl as herself. She curls into herself still crying.

As if it weren’t enough that she had been bullied at school. Why did it have to be this way? Why did her parents have to be like that? Why was she born so useless and stupid and weak? She always wondered if she even had a purpose for herself. She reduced herself to sniffling as she went to sing a song quietly to herself. Singing has always eased her pain although it wasn’t enough as she still felt the pulsing of her cuts.

“Lucy, dear, a friend came to see you”, Layla’s voice muttered as she took no longer to shuffle towards the door. She opened it her eyes watering once more at seeing Natsu before her, worry written all over his face. She didn’t even care that her mother was there as she threw herself into his arms. Layla seemed ashamed and shocked to see her daughter in such a state, but she could only assume why as she walked away to give them space.

She pulled him toward the bed as both toppled over onto the mattress. He sat up still holding her as she sniffled. He patted her head and tried to ease her. He assumed he knew what was going on especially noticing her mother’s look a few moments ago.

“Shhh, Luce, I’m here for you”, he muttered and she seemed to relax in his hold. No further words were exchanged as he played with her hair and when she suddenly became slack in his arms, he only assumed she had fallen asleep. He fixed her into a laying position as he wiped the tears from her face. He kissed her forehead as she turned slightly to nuzzle her face in the pillow. He only wished he wouldn’t have to see her in such a state if he could.
Once they were in seventh grade, Natsu had discovered her cutting her wrist after school. He had wondered why her of all people had begun to wear so many bracelets. It was a ridiculous trend they both had made fun of and suddenly she had come to school with lots of them. He was suspicious and one day decided to follow her as he saw her walk to the park where she’d mentioned that her father would pick her up. She hid behind a tree as he poked his head slightly to look at what she was doing.

She removed the bracelets from her right arm as Natsu’s eyes widened at the scars marked there. He was frozen in his spot as he even saw her take the small razor blade from her pocket. Before it could even touch her, he slapped it harshly out of her hand. “Natsu!” she squeaked pulling her arms behind her back.

“Lucy! Show me your arm”, he deadpanned as she flinched at his tone. With trembling hand and eyes looking away she pulled her arm to him as he stares at it in disbelief. Thinking he would hate her was the reaction she expected but instead arms had pulled her and she was being hugged.

“Don’t do this, Luce. Don’t do this to yourself. If you were ever to make a mistake and I lose you, I would be so sad”, he muttered and she was shocked to feel her shoulder soaked. Was he crying?

“But why? I’m not good enough for anyone”, she mumbled under her breath.

“Yes you are. You’re good enough. I do this because I like you, Luce. I really like you. I don’t want to lose you. You are more than enough. You’re like really smart and nice and pretty and friendly”, he cried and she couldn’t help but smile. If at least he cared than she would try to begin to think a bit more highly of herself. It would take her time, but if he was by her side than that was enough.

~~xXXx~~

“Wahhh!!! We’re finally graduating!” Lucy chirped as she fixed the cap on her head. Natsu turned to her with a large grin. She had to giggle because even after all this time, he was still clumsy if the fact that his tassle was on the wrong side. He blushed slightly feeling dumb at not noticing.

“Don’t tell anyone about that…But anyways are you nervous? You are about to sing the anthem”, he motioned. She nodded licking her lips.

“Extremely nervous! But I think I got this”, she clenched her fists in determination. He suddenly stated at her with a smile as she looked at him confused. “What? Don’t tell me I have something on my face”, she pouted. He chuckled and shook his head.

“No you’re perfect. I’m just glad you became who you are now. You still don’t have a lot of confidence, but you’re taking a step forward. I rather see you smiling like this and cheerful compared to the gloomy and always reserved middle schooler you were back them”, he motioned as she smiled lightly and a blush spread across her cheeks.

She hugged him tightly as their principal finalized their opening speech and called out her name. “And now please stand for the national anthem sung by none other than one of our graduates, Lucy Heartfilia.”

Lucy gulped as Natsu nudged her. The crowd and her peers roared in excitement as she stood from her seat. “Go get 'em, Luce!” he shouted as she finally got on stage and sang. Even when her legs were shaking immensely, her smile was still wide as she sang. And after she had finished singing, the crowd stoos to applaud as Natsu cheered the loudest from her friends. Friends. After, that fateful year, she decided to turn on a whole new page beginning to take small risks to raise her lost confidence.

She slowly began to talk more and soon people had mentioned that she was funny and always so happy that it was refreshing to be around her. And Natsu had guided her the whole way to that point. Since the day he had confessed to her during 7th grade to now, he had always been by her side. She stepped down to sit next to him as he discreetly kissed her forehead. “That was amazing, babe”, Natsu muttered. She smiled as they finally began to make them line up to receive their diplomas. She felt she could finally move forward. She felt thing could finally see a brighter future.

As they were finally announced official graduates and threw the caps high in the air, Natsu looked at Lucy lovingly as she smiled. He pulled her by the waist as cheers from all their parents could be heard. Natsu pulled her close and kissed her softly. “I love you”, he muttered.

“Me too. You were always there for me and I couldn’t be more grateful”, she muttered lovingly.

“I’ll always be here for you. To save you.”

A/N: So that was it. Unfortunately, for me there was no happy ending. I spent my time overcoming my situation with my small group of friends. In elementary I was bullied for five years physically and emotionally destroying my confidence completely. My parents had a tendency of fighting to the point of physical violence. I always trie my best in school but my parents didn’t think my grades were ever to their standards no matter how well I would do. I had a time where I would always cut myself and I had moments where suicidal thoughts invaded my head. After seventh grade, I made my first friend and I didn’t want to lose her and so I tried to slowly build my confidence up. No one ever found out about my cuts and I never really mentioned it to anyone. During new years, after my first semester of college, I found out my aunt died and then recently I found out my father cheated on my mother and that my grandma is currently hospitalized. Even so I try to remain strong and cheerful because it took so much courage to become the person I am today. A person who despite everything tried to continue to move forward. I am here for anyone who has ever self harmed or anyone who feels they are worthless. I am here for everyone that needs me. Always move forward no matter what. There are people who care even when it seems like no one does. Singing and writing have always been my way to cope and there are many other ways to do so. Everyone is worth it everyone is worth the whole worlds and I just wanted to make sure to share this and make all of you know even when it’s painful that I am trying to get over this and someday I will. Thank you for reading my story and reading what I have to say. Thank you!

i don’t think i’ll ever come across such a beautifully written relationship as ichigo and rukia’s ever again they were so perfectly beautiful and pure THEY LITERALLY BOTH CAUSED THE OTHER TO BE ABLE TO ERASE THEIR PAST TRAUMAS they were both each other’s reason for wanting to smile and live again THEY BOTH CARED SO MUCH ABOUT EACH OTHER SHUT UP THEY WERE SO IN LOVE I’M GONNA LAUNCH MYSELF INTO THE PIT they never ever ever ever did anything without caring about the other before they did RUKIA WAS BEING EXECUTED AND SHE ASKED HIM WHY HE CAME BECAUSE HE WAS HURT and he saw past it just because HE WANTED HER TO SMILE AGAIN!!!! SO HE MADE SURE HE SAVED HER JUST TO SEE HER SMILE!!! and ichigo had his hollow problems and rukia doesn’t give a SHIT about her own safety no she grabs him and gives him a good pep talk and tells him she believes in him because ‘THAT’S THE KIND OF MAN YOU ARE IN MY HEART’ LITERALLY *BANGS POTS AND PANS TOGETHER* THEY’RE SO PURE and the everything but the rain scenes!!! don’t get me started!! ‘if i ask, will you answer? i have no way of stepping into your heart without getting it murky. when you want to talk, when you feel like talking…talk to me.’ SHE SAYS THAT AND HE REMEMBERS IT DURING AIZEN’S FIGHT!! and he uses it with his dad because ‘someone said it to me once and it made me feel so much better’ bich and then she stops herself from interfering while trembling and makes sure he knows when to stop and that he’s won and heals him and thanks him for living!!! rukia makes ichigo a better person just by being around!! she knows just what to say!!!!!!! and so does HE make her a better person!! he makes her able to overcome her awful past by being able to open up with the shiba clan and apologize and lets her fix her relationship with her brother and childhood friend!! she makes him able to overcome his past trauma about his mom!!!!!!!!!!!! and then in the farewell swords scene they’re both holding back because they just know they’ll hurt the other if they initiate anything so rukia just holds herself tightly and ichigo stuffs his hands deep into his pockets and then they just gaze at each other what the fuck! what the fuck! what the fuck! and the fb arc! kill me! that was so much ichiruki that i nearly died bich tf! 

2

No Limit….Pt. 4

After my mother visited a few weeks back, she reminded me of a problem I’ve always struggled with…my image. Growing up I was extremely insecure. Even though I was considered the “Beauty”  in school, I never believed it myself. I was good at hiding it, so much so, that I had a great social life and no problems dating. On the outside I was well-dressed and appeared confident and happy, on the inside, I was a wreck. I hated my hair, look, all of it. Practically everything about me was “hideous” compared to girls I thought to be better-looking. Although it was tough, by the end of high school I finally learned to love myself and my true beauty, regardless of what anybody else thought. Even though I was able to overcome all that, it still lingered and was heavily brought out during my marriage. Ryan practically viewed me as his trophy, constantly trying to morph me into what he thought his wife should be. He controlled damn near every aspect of my social life, checked to make sure I was wearing what he deemed appropriate, and most importantly, humph, make sure my hair was always covered with weave. 

Once I moved in with Moses those insecurities resurfaced and I grew weary of how he would possibly view me. His actions at first didn’t help and even when we got it together, all the gifts he showered me with made it worse. I tried to embrace his ways but after speaking to my mother I realized that I was becoming someone I’m not…Changing into the “wife” I thought fit his lifestyle. Being that he never had a problem with my clothes, hair, or really any way I looked, I decided to go sort of the, “Alicia Keys”, route and just focus on my natural looks and wear what was comfortable for me. I didn’t mean for it to go on that long, especially with us starting to get out of the house more. So tonight I’m definitely making an effort. My girl Dana and her fiance Sean are in town from Lucky Palms so were going out with them. Right now Dana and her sister Deanna, are in my shop while Sean and Moses are expected later. After I finished styling Dana, she pulled me aside to talk, claiming she had a “bone to pick with me”.       

“Leah…You know you’re my girl right?”

“Yeah??”

“Ok…So don’t take this the wrong way but…What the in the hell is going on with you?? Girl you look hit as fuck!…And to be out with Mogul like that?? You got people all over Simstagram calling you basic.” 

“I know, I know!” I said, shaking my head. “I was having a moment and now it’s over. Trust me, when we go out later, I’m going to be in six inch heels like your ass is now.” 

“Well good….Shit. You know, I’m surprised Mo let you out like that. Sean has a heart attack if I’m not done up.”

“I mean Moses isn’t really like that. He’s never had a problem with anything I have on or how my hair is. As a matter of fact he claims he likes it when it’s not covered, since that’s the only time I’ll let him pull it, ha.” I said, causing us both to laugh. 

“Oh lord…I forgot ya’ll some nasty asses.” She said, shaking her head. “Well damn speaking of our men…they’re here now and early for a change…but hold up, who the hell is this with them?” She said, whipping her head around fast as hell.

“Oh…It’s probably his new assistant/PR rep. I forgot she wanted to come by and meet me.” I said, casually, trying to brush off the panic in her voice.

“Humph…I’m not to sure if I would let this bitch around my man, especially while I was looking rough.” She said, smirking as she walked over to greet Sean.

“Oh whatever bitch…” I said, jokingly as I walked towards the front to meet Asia. 

I was pretty sure that Dana was exaggerating so I wasn’t concerned. Humph, that shit changed real quick the second I caught a glimpse of this girl. She was fucking gorgeous! Hell, she could’ve been mistaken for a model and honestly dressed rather raunchy to be an assistant…My man’s assistant at that. I began to panic a little, as she wasn’t anything close to the description Moses gave me. He knew damn well what he was doing when he failed to accurately tell me about her ass. I asked him and he bullshited me? Now I’m over here wondering why? Shit, the chick did start working for him after I toned down my looks. At this point I was pissed. I couldn’t think clearly and the smirk he had on his face after he saw my reaction, only added to it. As I was about to address him, she started walking over. Trying to pretend I had no problems with this, I put on my nicest voice and greeted her. While she was annoyingly talking my ear off, I zoned out and somewhat tuned into what was going on between Dana and Sean.   

Sean: “Damn Lady, you look good enough to eat…Shit.” He said, making her giggle. “Lemme get a closer look.” 

Dana: “You know I gotta look right for you boo…Aye stop it.” She said still giggling as his hands went up her thigh. 

Deanna: “Can ya’ll stop…Don’t nobody wanna see that shit.” She said, letting out a huge sigh. 

Dana: “You know you’ve had an attitude all day…Stop being so aggy and get a grip sis.”  

Sean: “She probably got an attitude because she ain’t with that corny dude anymore…Maybe you’ll find one if you put some more clothes on…No man wants his woman to look like that.” He said, staring dead at her.

Deanna: “You know what! Fuck you Sean!…I don’t know why she puts up with your shit!” She yelled, storming downstairs, clearly embarrassed.

As we looked on silent and very confused, ha, Dana told Sean that he needed to find Deanna or Dee as she called her, and apologize. He refused at first and claimed that she needed to hear that with the way she was dressed. He stood his ground until she threatened to take away his night cap, hauling his ass downstairs. Something about their interaction seemed off, so I asked Dana what was up with that. She said he treats her like his sister and that they bicker like this all the time. She assured me that Deanna will be fine and then proceeded to take a few selfies for her social media accounts. 

Meanwhile Downstairs……

“Why the hell did you do that to me??” *Voice cracking*

“Fuck you mean!? look at the shit you got on. Your titties and ass is out! I told you about that shit.” *locking the bathroom door*

“I been dressing like this since I graduated from the University so I don’t see what the problem is!”

“The problem is that you’re mine now and I don’t want any other mothafucka lookin at you.” *Walking over*

“You keep sayin that but I can’t be yours if your marrying my sister, Sean…You claim you love me but you’re marrying my sister!!!” *Starting to cry* 

“Don’t do that” *wiping her tears* “You know I don’t have a choice. We in it way too deep. If I broke it off, do you know what that would do to my rep? My endorsements? I’m a star athlete and in this world you can’t have shit like that. I gotta appear perfect, baby.” 

“I know…I just hate this.”

“Me too, but you know you’re my number one…that ain’t gonna change. Plus Dana fit right in with the other players’ wives. It’s just for appearances Dee.” *starts kissing her cheek* “Why don’t you let me make you feel better?”

“Bae you crazy…the only thing you’re gettin is a kiss.”

“Trust, ain’t nobody comin down here. Her shop closed and Moses is lookin out for me.”

“Wait he knows????”

“Yeah…He’s like my brother, we grew up together. He’s not gonna say shit. Since we live in Lucky Palms, it may not seem like we’re that close but once we link up, it’s like old times. Plus I’m not beat…I know he ain’t been super clean. We one in the same, there’s no way his ass changed. Shit, the secrets that him and his family have, go on for days. And don’t say shit, but the last time that Asia chick was around, Moses got into some shit with a thot and had to get it swept under the rug. Ain’t no coincidence that she here now.” *pulling her close*

“Damn…I feel bad for his girl…she seems nice.”  

“Yeah well, I’m sure he’s goin through lengths to make sure she don’t find out….See that’s what I love about you, always thinkin of other people.” *Kissing her neck*

“Bae….Stop…We gonna get caught.”

“Come on now, you know I got you. I already sent Moses a text, asking him to make sure nobody comes down here till we come up. Besides, your sister is too concerned about all them clothes and shoes to pay attention to us.” *unbuckling his pants*

Meanwhile back upstairs…..

While Sean and Deanna were MIA, Asia went over to talk to Dana. I still had a few questions for Moses, so I took the opportunity to ask. 

“So why didn’t you tell me the truth about her? You said she was below basic Moses…She’s beautiful and you know it.”

“This right here is why I did’t tell you the truth. You can’t get all bent outta shape, just because you think she’s pretty, Leah. What does that have to do with me and what I’m doing? What happened to trust?”  

“I know…I’m sorry. I guess I just got a little jealous.”

“I don’t see why…You’re the most beautiful person in the world to me. Even like this…” He said, as he rubbed his hands in my hair. “Nobody will ever top you, baby.”

As he kissed me, gently pulling my hair in the process, his text tone went off for the second time. He quickly read it and smirked in his usual way before he turned his attention back on me. 

“This is the last time I’m going to say this…You, Teeleah Renee White, don’t have to worry about shit. I never have and never will cheat on you…ok???”  He said, kissing my forehead. 

“Ok…but for the record I’m not concerned about you…Women can be real trifling.”

“Well if she does try anything, which I’m sure will never happen, you, me and her girlfriend will be pissed.” 

“Girlfriend??”

“Yup…Shit, I’m not even trying to put us in that situation. You feel me?”

“Ok…I’ll take that L.” I said, as we both laughed.

“Before I forget, why don’t you take Dana in the back and show her some of the bags you only pull out for top clients. That was Sean texting me to ask you to hook her up, he’s payin of course” 

“Alright…Let me hurry up then…But wait, what about Deanna?”

“Oh she’s downstairs talking his ear off…He said she’s okay though.”

Moses gave me one last kiss before I headed over to Dana. As a measure of good faith to him, I invited Asia to go to dinner with us. I felt a like an ass for jumping the gun, and wanted to make it up to him. Hopefully all goes well and we can enjoy our night out.  

Previous

25/04/16

It’s funny how the ones who had a shitty childhood are the ones who turn out to be great parents
The ones who were bullied for the way they looked are the most open
I think it’s good that we can overcome shit that happened to us, let it make us better
But what makes me really sad, what I really can’t let go of is the fact that my childhood had to be compromised just to make me a good person today
It’s hard looking back and not being able to see any good memories
I have no good stories to tell when I’m lying in bed at 3am with the first guy I fall in love with and we’re.. yno seeing the inside of each others souls, I have no good stories
Only sad ones
And I’ll never understand why that had to happen

anonymous asked:

Does your anxiety make you want to kill yourself , because that's what my anxiety is doing to me

I’ve had suicidal thoughts before. Was it because of my anxiety? I wouldn’t be able to pin point it towards that however I want to clarify that whether it’s because of your anxiety or not suicide will not make things any better. As shitty as my life has been this past year, I was able to evaluate how much more of a life I have to live and how things can change if you put enough effort to make it happen. We all have encountered unfortunate and unfair circumstances in life but it’s up to us to overcome those obstacles and not give up. Please stay with us, you’re important.

anonymous asked:

Um wow youre really are fat

yes unnnffff please continue to say this to someone who has worked for years (… years…) to try to completely overcome a debilitating eating disorder. I have been 70 pounds and hardly able to walk because of it, would you prefer that? would you prefer to see me shivering harshly in 100 degree summer weather because my body has no means of keeping my organs warm, despite the unsightly lanugo covering my entire body as a result of starvation and utter emaciation? would it make me prettier and make the world a better place and free your mind and soul of the disgustingness that a photo of my “fat” arm has bestowed upon your precious eyes? let me know, I want nothing more than to make you happy :-D

Another take on Liam, Larry & the fandom

I never thought that I would end up devoting any of my life to a boy band.  I’m quite sure none of us in here ever did. I have my own reasons for how I ended up in the fandom, but what began as curiosity has developed into an investment. I came for the cute gif sets of 2012 moments, but I stayed for the intellectual discussions taking place; the well thought-out and constructed analysis. I stayed for the creative input. I stayed for the fanfictions, which are some of the best, and most loved pieces of writings I’ve ever had the pleasure to read. I stayed for the fan art, of which some pieces are more beautiful than those in galleries around the world.

The more involved and invested I became in the fandom, the more I was learning. I was learning incredible amounts about the LGBTQI+ community both from those involved in the fandom, and their creative contributions. I was reading heartfelt personal accounts of people struggling with their self-identification and external and internal phobias. I was also reading about how being a part of the One Direction fandom was helping them to overcome these tribulations. This exposed me to my own misgivings and abled me to become a more open-minded, more tolerant and more understanding person. Make no mistake, I am a better person for being a part of this fandom.

At this point, it doesn’t matter whether Larry is real. It doesn’t matter if you genuinely believe they are in a relationship, if you ‘ship’ them because you think they’d be cute together. It doesn’t even matter if you think Larry is bullshit. What matters is what Larry represents; what Larry means to people. Larry is no longer just the name of a relationship. Larry is an ideal, it is inspiration. It is a construct of collective imagination, a community in which people exist. They exist analytically, they exist intelligently, and they exist creatively. Most importantly, within the Larry walls, they exist safely.

In my experience, to be a larrie is to be able to be yourself. It is to better yourself. It is to accept yourself. It is to share yourself. It is to better others. It is to accept others. This is why what Liam said affects larries so much.

Of course, his comments do not only affect larries. There are fandom contributors in every facet of the fandom. There are LGBTQI+ members within every facet of the fandom. There are probably people who bring rainbows to 1D concerts who aren’t even involved in the fandom.

Liam’s comments affect, discredit and invalidate every single one of those people.  

For him to discredit fan art and fanfiction is to discredit the way in which people can share themselves, and be themselves. It discredits the way they engage with his band, the way in which they support his band. It invalidates their contributions and the enjoyment felt by those who engage with these creations. This is wrong.

By singling out queer contributions as negative, he has inadvertently called traditional, heterosexual contributions as accepted, or better. This is wrong. These are not better. Any contribution, that any person makes, to any fandom, is worthwhile.

A person feeling comfortable enough to bring rainbow paraphernalia to a concert is a compliment to One Direction. They see those performing as being accepting of their own, individual identities. Asserting that those people bringing rainbow flags to his shows are only because of Larry is insulting. Not only does it nullify an entire community, but it devalues every single person who ever felt comfortable enough to be themselves at that show by reducing their identities to only being about Larry.

Considering Liam’s position and influences, these statements allow and encourage other, less accepting members of the fandom, to treat those within the LGBTQI+ community with the same disdain.  

It also causes those struggling with their place within the LGBTQI+ community to question their own identity. If One Direction was a place where people felt safe, and this has been taken away from them, where do they go now? Where can they go to be safe in the exploration and expression of their identity?

Rainbow Direction and many, many other supporters of the LGBTQI+ community, who are also fans of One Direction have made it clear that this is not about Larry. It’s never been about Larry. It is about creating a safe place for people to be themselves, to express themselves, to discover themselves. If part of this is an engagement with Larry, so be it.

But apparently, this isn’t okay. Instead, One Direction would prefer their fandom and support to exist in a place of homophobia, of non-acceptance, of fear. This is unacceptable. And it is so, so disappointing.

Despite the fact we are joined in our support of a band and its members, every single one of us is much more than that. Let One Direction be what joins us, but not what defines us.

Let us be defined by our own strength and commitment to each other. Please continue to be the incredible people that you all are. You are all loved, and cherished and appreciated. Let’s work together to ensure this space remains an inclusive, accepting and safe place for all.

“I’m a violist. I’ve been playing for a really long time, since I was in second grade.”
“Was there ever a time that you wanted to quit?”
“When I was studying abroad for graduate school in New York. I think I felt pressured to accomplish something because I had gone all the way to the States to study. I had to find a balance in my practicing, but I just went hard at it and at one point my arm just stopped moving. It took 3 years for my arm to completely heal. The first year was seriously a dark time. It felt like I lost my life’s work.”
“How did you overcome that feeling?”
“People around me kept cheering me up and telling me ‘your arm will heal’. At the time I didn’t believe that. ‘How can I get better? I can’t even hold a pencil. I can’t even carry a bag’. But because of those positive words of encouragement, I was able to continue forward, even though I was so miserable and felt like I couldn’t see anything. Surprisingly it looks like saying something out loud can make it come true.”

“전 비올리스트예요. 초등학교 2학년 때부터 연주했으니 꽤 오래 했죠.”
“포기하고 싶었던 순간도 있었나요?”
“뉴욕에서 대학원 유학 중일 때였어요. 유학 왔으니 뭔가 해내야겠다는 부담감이 좀 있었나봐요. 연습에도 강약조절이 있어야 하는데 계속 달리기만 했더니, 어느 순간 팔이 아예 안 움직이는 거에요. 그거 완치하는데 3년이 걸렸어요. 1년은 정말 암흑기였어요. 평생 했던 걸 잃어버렸다는 느낌에.“
“어떻게 극복하셨어요?”
“주변에서 계속 ‘나을거야’ 하고 북돋아 주더라고요. 당시엔 안 믿었죠. ‘뭘 나아. 연필 하나도 못 쥐는데. 가방 하나 못 드는데’ 하고. 근데 주변에서 끊임없이 긍정적으로 얘기해주니까, 당장은 힘들어서 아무것도 안 보이는 암흑 같아도 앞으로 나가게 되더라고요. 신기하게도 말하는 대로 이뤄지는 것 같아요.”