I suppose it is difficult to write what I feel.
To speak what I feel.
To feel what I feel.
Rose thorns slide between the plates of my spine and the flowers growing from my body are laced with strands of your hair.
Your smell is like thunder clapping me open and forcing me under sheets that are not my own.
So this is how I tell you that you hurt me.
This is how I tell you I spent so many nights wishing I could take you into my arms and never let go but I was so afraid of suffocating you.
This is how I tell you that I know I am selfish and everybody was correct when they called me an emotional abuser.
And maybe you left me long before we lost each other but I tried to bring you back, darling.
I knew I would never be enough or maybe I was too much; either way,
You deserve light days and clear nights where the stars shine so bright you cannot tell if they are the diamond in your own eyes or the light that you will always call home.
I am rainy days with unforgiving wind.
I am darkness and shadows and I am the monsters hiding inside of your closet.
Matthias replaced Judas
God forgot how to forgive that night.
And I do not know what is real anymore.
I do not know what is a dream anymore
and if this is my death then so be it because I cannot stand another moment of my tortured mind.