and it hurts because i love posting here so much

I love this fan fiction so much it hurts. It’s the reason I’m able to go about my day (since I always get updates in the morning) and is the reason I can sleep well at night.

If you haven’t read it, then check it out on FF.net and go check out @tsume-yuki here on tumblr because she posts chapter previews and other pretty fan arts from fans and everything about it is just UGH so good!

I’m not saying this as advertisement, by the way. I genuinely do love everything about this woman author and her writing. It just gives me life and the inspiration to draw. <333

I don’t know why, but I do think this is an indirect.

Does this mean she’s not happy when she’s not with her? Because it just hurts too much to not be with her?

This might refer to something else, but here they are on the same page about something

The time span between the time when Lauren reblogged that on Tumblr and the time when Camila posted the picture with the caption was quite far. But this is a possible indirect, right?

The sun died so that the moon can shine

There have been a train of indirects between these two these days.

I don’t know why I’m posting this here, I guess it’s a spiritual thing kind of.
I love everyone and everything good so much. Like I just. Love. I fall in love with ideas, and basically anyone I meet who’s not a dick (and even some assholes too), I love colors, concepts, places, things. Everything. It’s good and bad. Good because it’s romantic story book kind and princess (sorry this is not a cohesive sentence haha) and bad because I get hurt SO easy.
I don’t know why I’m sharing this. Maybe some of you relate?

2

ahaha okay so i wasn’t gonna talk about this because as a seiusa shipper this scene hurts my heart and also tends to be a scene the fandom reacts unnecessarily violently towards but i got sick of the void of empathy so here’s my thoughts

bear in mind two things: a) im not very good at analysing stuff and b) i’ll refer to seiya with she/her and i’m not arguing with regards to that (actually, im not arguing with regards to any of this stuff, this is just me attempting to shine a light on seiya’s motivations or perhaps, more accurately, lack of motivations)

for context, this scene comes at the end of an episode in which we are shown that seiya is preparing to move on from her “new life” as it were and this, unsurprisingly, is a difficult and emotional stage for seiya’s character. seiya, unlike yaten and taiki, actually settles really well into life on earth, so much so that she actually falls in love with usagi. this episode is the point at which seiya truly realises the extent to which she has fallen, when she sees usagi rather than kakyuu in her daydream about home.

i think, for a sixteen year old with a huge responsibility who is experiencing a new planet, that’s gonna be confusing as hell. seiya’s entire life and existence and purpose on earth has (supposedly) revolved around finding kakyuu thus far, with everything that came with being an idol just being part of the disguise. here though, we see that there’s more to it than that, and that seiya is indeed emotionally invested in her earth life and more specifically, in usagi. this has always been a part of her character but i think this is where it really comes to the forefront.

this all culminates in the above scene which has led to…pretty disturbing responses calling for seiya’s head which is…yikes, but anyways. it’s important to note that this scene comes after seiya has already prepared to say goodbye, after she sees the drawing of usagi and mamoru on the desk and comments how their time together has been short, but fun - there is no malice, nor motivation of any kind to change usagi’s mind or whatever. that isn’t part of who seiya is as a person and it never was.

however

whilst seiya frequently displays a casual side to her approach to her and usagi’s relationship, this doesn’t mean that seiya doesn’t have feelings too. and it doesn’t mean that she isn’t hurting as well. this is something i think the fandom at large either fails to pick up on or really doesn’t care about and like, idk, maybe it’s worth some thought.

seiya is upset in this scene. she’s upset and yes maybe she’s jealous, because she is there and she is protecting usagi and she cares so deeply for usagi. and this mamoru person (who seiya knows nothing about by the way - unlike the audience) is absent and possibly, in seiya’s perspective, appears to not care at all and yet usagi can still only think about him. and that’s going to be fucking painful. seiya doesn’t know the extent to which usagi is suffering either, because usagi up until that point has publicly kept it quiet because she is a brave little soul. 

and so, seiya slips up. and i cannot say that what she says in “am i not good enough” was the correct thing to say because of course it isn’t. she takes usagi’s pain and suffering and she does make it about her. but here’s the thing - seiya is also suffering at this point. seiya is also going through pain. and seiya reacts based purely on emotion at this instant. unrequited love hurts like hell and i personally can’t begrudge her the opportunity to make a mistake here in how she deals with that. this isn’t a planned line or something she necessarily thought would make usagi change her mind or anything like that. this is literally a teenager in love expressing pain and a lack of self-confidence and not being careful of usagi’s feelings whilst doing so, because she is wrapped up in her own pain - as is natural for her to do, because seiya kou also experiences emotion, and seiya kou also sometimes lets that get to her.

it’s a mistake yes, but it doesn’t make her a bad person. we all make mistakes, especially where emotions are concerned, and i think it’s important to make note of that. im not saying u have to love seiya or even like her, but baying for her blood because she fucked up slightly in an emotional moment is just too much.

Just a heads up, I’m about to get super annoying (probably). I will be posting stupid shit like “my last Wednesday as a mom of one. Omfg” because I am freaking out. But that won’t start until tuesday because I have two more saturdays-mondays. I will 100% complain about Jack being useless at night. I will complain about Kieran hurting my incision and sleeping in our bed.
But
I will be loving it all. Sleep deprived, but so in love with my life and my three boys (because lets be honest, Jack is very much my child sometimes 😂). So I apologize in advance, but bare with me. I’m sure I’ll post too many photos but I don’t even care.
It’s officially the next day now so 10 days til Karson is here. I’ll be saying 9 to strangers because I’ll have him so early in the morning that tuesday won’t even count as a day. I can’t wait to see him. He better look like me or he’s grounded.

gutter-girl-supreme  asked:

7, 14, & 15!

7. How much do you like symbolism in your fics?
Gosh I love reading them, but in my own fics, symbolism is little to non-existent. 

14.  What’s your favorite shipping fic you’ve written? Favorite gen fic?
So far, A Matter Of Time is my fave ship fic just because its already so long, and its gotten some great positive feedback! (^u^)

15.  Give us a snippet of something from your WiPs!

Promising himself that when he came here, he wouldn’t hurt anyone. And yet, seeing Shou lying on the floor reminded himself of a scene he’d witnessed before. Blood dripping from his forehead, fingers splayed on the ground, body limp but breathing.

Placing a tentative hand on his arm and one under his head, pulling Shou’s upper body onto his lap carefully as he felt his explosion approach.

97%
98%
99%

Mobs hair stood up, fluttering around his face as he looked up at the claw members with a glare that could kill, clutching the fabric of Shou’s jacket as he felt an emotion burn through his chest.

100% Rage.

This is a snippet for the current drabble I’m writing for @imagine-shoumob

4

“I want to help. I can be hard to see. I can kill things that would hurt people.”

// pics | Cole | +

3

For @Hollyhark from her Kylux series Children Wake Up.

the top one is with lyrics from Avril Lavigne’s Hush Hush (2013). Because it’s perfect. The lyrics don’t fit into my composition very well, but whateves.

And then text free. Because I can’t really decide which version I want to post XD


Enjoy Holly!


Here’s the full song lyrics:

“Hush Hush”

Hush, hush shh
Hush, hush

I didn’t mean to kiss you
You didn’t mean to fall in love
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant for it to mean this much

Hush, hush now

I wanted to keep you
Forever next to me
You know that I still do
And all I wanted was to believe

Hush, hush now

So go on, live your life
So go on, say good-bye
So many questions but I don’t ask why

So this time I won’t even try
Hush, hush now
Mmm hush, hush now

When I try to forget you
I just keep on remembering
What we had was so true
Somehow we lost everything

Hush, hush now
(Hush, hush now)

So go on, live your life
So go on, say good-bye
So many questions but I don’t ask why, no

So go on, live your life
So go on, and say good-bye
So many questions but I don’t ask why

Maybe someday but not tonight
Hush, hush now
(Hush, hush now)
(Hush, hush now)

Don’t, don’t, don’t you ever say a word {word}
Of what you ever thought you heard {heard}
Don’t you ever tell a soul
What you know

I tried to hide but I still believe
We, that we were always meant to be {be}
But I could never let you go, no

Hush, hush now

So go on, live your life
So go on, say good-bye
So many questions but I don’t ask why, no

So go on, live your life
So go on, and say good-bye
So many questions but I don’t ask why

Maybe someday but not tonight
Hush, hush now, mmm
Hush, hush now, mmm

Hush, hush shh