and it hurts and my throat closes up and i just

Trusted Companion

Summary: Dean fulfills a special request for the reader. 
Word Count: 760
Warnings: None. 
A/N:  This can be read as a stand-alone drabble, but I did intend for it to be a third part for Cuddle Buddy and Guy Friend

@spnfanficpond @aprofoundbondwithdean 

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I have never told you guys what actually happened to me in the concert.

So it was on a Sunday, June 7, 2015 and it was 8:00pm and I had a SVIP ticket so I was in the front. When the lights went off, I knew that the concert was going to start so I took out my phone and I was screaming and running in front where I can see then up close.

As a huge fan / trash of them, I, of course, was screaming and cheering until my throat hurt but I still continued to shouting. I was singing with them while crying because I had been a fan of them for so long and my young self wouldn’t even believe I will see them live one day.

When they started to sing “Love You Long Time” (which is in their PTX Volume 1) most of the people in the concert was just quiet and dancing with the song (maybe because they just know their current song). So I started singing the song OUT LOUD. I didn’t even care if I was cracking RIGHT IN FRONT of them.

So I was in the very front (because I ran really fast so I could be really close to the stage) where the people at me back was squishing me but I didn’t really care. So it was time for them to go down and touch people’s hand. And I got really nervous/happy/excited to touch their hands. So first was Avi, I just remembered touching his hand and dripping it tight for a second and let it go. Second was Mitch, now this I remembered. I really have a BIG crush of Mitch even though I know he’s not straight so holding his hand was A BIG DEAL TO ME. So when his hand arrived I grabbed it and gripped so hard (I AM SO SORRY MITCH…. OH MY GOD I HURT MITCH I FEEL LIKE A MURDERER T.T) and he tried so hard to let my hand off his hand but the more he force to get it off my hand, the more I gripped his hand (GOD I FEEL LIKE A MURDERER T.T DON’T KILL ME) and I was telling him not to “leave me” and then our hands was….. :c separated (I was seriously so sad after that). Third was Kirstie, so someone on my right side pulled her so that he can have a picture with her and it was not good because she tripped and almost fell down so I didn’t really grip her hand that tight. Next was Kevin, I just remembered grabbing his hand and he just smiled (awww Kevin is so sweet).

And last was Scott and I held his hand tight and our hands separated fast. And when he was about to step up the stair going to the stage, HE WENT BACK TO WHERE I STAYED AND THAT’S WHEN IT ALL HAPPENED!!!! So when I saw Scott going back for another round of “hands touching” (even though he was passing by people and not really touching their hands), I offered my hand (with my phone on it) and my first intention was LITERALLY just to touch his hand. So he went NEAR ME and my heart was staring to beat so fast. HE THEN GRABS MY PHONE OUT OF MY HAND and my first thought was “OMG IS HE GOING TO KEEP MY CRACKED PHONE?!?!?!?!?!” He then flipped the camera to a selfie mode and i started crying because I knew what he was doing. He first took a photo of me while I was crying (as seen in the first picture) and then I whispered to him “I want you in the picture” while tapping his shoulders because if I let people see this picture they won’t believe Scott actual took the picture. So he joined the picture and I was trying so hard to smile but the tears of joy just doesn’t go out. Scott finally took the picture and gave my phone back. After everything that had happened that minute I was just their crying so hard and smiling and I WAS SO HAPPY.

I don’t know why Scott went back for me but I was seriously so thankful for what he has done to me. Until today I seriously couldn’t believe that that happened to me and I was literally the happiest person in the entire world…. EVEN NOW. After the concert, I was crying at my sleep because I missed them so much and I don’t even know how I slept that night, IT WAS JUST SO AMAZING AND UNBELIEVABLE THAT THE PERSON I HAVE DREAM ABOUT FOR YEARS FINALLY MET ME. yeah Scott WENT BACK TO TAKE A PICTURE OF ME

i look so ugly in the picture

He takes care of you even though he’s mad at you

Originally posted by lukeorhemmo

This is my first imagine so be kind about it. I’m going to post more so send in requests for any type of imagine/fanfiction. Tips and feedback are always appreciated. :}

You wiped your mouth off from just puking in the toilet, which admittedly wasn’t the way you wanted to start your day. Everything was going wrong lately, you’d been fighting with Michael all week over everything from cheating accusations to miscommunication to someone leaving a bowl in the sink. And now you were sick, and Michael was sleeping on the couch and you hadn’t spoken to him in two days and the fans on twitter were being shitty and as stated previously you were sick. You coughed into the toilet again, closing your eyes and holding back tears from the hurt in your throat. You groaned, before tensing up when you felt someones hand on your shoulder, and you gripped the blanket around you tighter. “Shhh babe. It’s just me.” Michael’s voice was sultry and low. Despite yourself, you fell back into his chest, your eyes still sewn shut. “It’s okay. Let’s get you to bed.” He wrapped an arm around you.

“I’m fine.” Coagh. “I can do it.” Sniffle. “Myself.”

“Goddammit y/n!” Michael said harshly, before taking a deep breath and returning his voice to the soft, calm one of before. “Babe, let me take care of you, I know you’re pissed at me.” Another deep breath. “I’m pissed at you too. But honestly, you look like death. Let me help you.” You feel him press a soft kiss to your forehead.

“And here I thought my makeup was on point.” You mumble, and you feel him chuckle. It took a few moments for you to realize that Michael was carrying you before laying you down on the bed, tucking you in and being very gentle. A hand was pressed to your forehead. “Babe you’re burning up. Tomorrow we should go to the doctor.” You grabbed his shirt and shook your head. You hated the doctors. “You are so stubborn.” You waited for another response but didn’t hear one until a few minutes later when a damp towel was placed on your forehead, and you felt the other side of the bed dipping down. Someone started rubbing your back in small circular motions,and you smiled slightly.

Michael wrapped his arm around you, nuzzling his chin into the crook of your neck. “I thought you were mad at me.” You muttered.

“I am.” He said, bringing you in closer to his chest. “We’re on pause.” You coughed again, shaking the bed. “Does your head hurt?” He whispered, and you nodded. “You have a fever.” Michael was silent before saying. ‘Try and get some sleep babe. If you’re not feeling any better tomorrow we’ll make an appointment with the doctor.”

You rest your head Mikey’s arm and feel yourself falling asleep with him brushing your hair behind your ear. “I love you Mikey.” You say softly. You felt him tighten his grip on you, and he turned you so that you faced his chest, which you nuzzled your head into, smelling his aftershave. One of his hands rested on your neck and the other on your waist, and he kissed your forehead softly.

“I love you too babe. Now get some rest.”

Ok. But listen. Harry fucking Hart would be the kind of man that starts to get sick and completely ignores it. He keeps an extra hankercheif for the sniffles and makes his tea with a bit of lemon in it to stifle the sore throat but keeps pressing on because that is just what you do. He’s working late at night at his desk when Eggsy walks in and sees him visibly woosy.
“I’m perfectly fine, Eggsy.”
“Yes, Harry.” He replies as he’s guiding him up the stairs.
“You needn’t make such a fuss.”
“Of course, Harry.” He assures him while slipping his tie out of his collar and slowly unbuttoning his shirt.
“I have work to do you know.”
“I’ve seen the docket, Harry.” Eggsy hands him another tissue as he sneezes so hard the younger man’s chest hurts FOR him.
“There is a world to be put back together, Eggsy.”
He tucks the covers up close and presses a soft kiss to Harry’s temple. “It will be there in the morning.”
Already being pulled under by exaustion, he smiles. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Harry.”


Inspired by [x]
AO3 crosslink: [x]

Dean and Cas are staring at each other, breathing hard. Both jaws and fists are clenched, and the small amount of distance between them is tinged with anger and hurt. Dean takes a step back, and honestly, can’t remember why he loves Cas right now.  The small disagreement escalated so quickly, and his vision is clouded with hurt and betrayal and anger; red-hot, heart-racing, all-I-can-do-not-to-scream-at-you anger.  

“I’m going out,” Cas growls, turning away from Dean and walking away. Dean’s throat closes up and his heart seizes; after all their whispered promises, all the murmured words between lips, Cas is leaving him? So easily?

His fear must radiate to the other man, because Cas turns back to him and manages a somewhat softer expression. “I’ll be back,” he said roughly, the words clearly not easy to get out. “I just need to clear my head.”

Dean swallows, drinking in the sight of him while he still can, and nods. “B-be safe,” he almost whispers, the words a stark contrast from the insults and accusations he was throwing only a few moments ago.  Cas clenches his jaw, seeing the same, and is gone in another few seconds.

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Just got back from APCC Manila

And I basically lost my voice screaming about Paul Bettany and the Captain America Civil War trailer. Like my throat just absolutely hurts right now. 

I’m actually so happy that I managed to see Paul Bettany pretty up close considering I wasn’t able to get photo-op and autograph tickets for him. I’m glad that the coordinators just allowed the guests to walk around. He was so tall and so cute I am seriously dead.

Anyway on to the important stuff which is Civil War footage!! Yey~!! We had to line up an hour early because at that point the line was already pretty long. They had us leave our phones outside so sadly no recordings so I’ll be going by what I remember which might be sketchy since I was really really shaky with excitement (I WATCHED THE FOOTAGE A FEW FEET AWAY FROM PAUL BETTANY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

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It’s weird. I’ve never experienced anything traumatic…. Tragic. I’ve never been through something so heartbreaking and horrible that I’ve been emotionally and physically scarred. I’ve lived a pretty good life. I always had more than enough money to survive. And food… I’ve always had food. I had a good childhood. I’ve been fortunate in that sense… lucky. But I can’t help it. Some days, I’m so sad and perpetually exhausted with living that I physically can not get out of bed. It’s just… tiring. Faking smiles and laughs and like I can actually feel. I’m numb and I think that’s worse than the most painful feeling in the world. I cry…. I cry a lot but not for any reason in particular. It’s like this tidal wave of sadness washes over me and when I’m drowning, that’s the only time I’m alive— the only time I’m capable of feeling. And my stomach hurts and my throat closes up and I find myself panting and shaking and gasping for air. When I’m on the bathroom floor, up to my waist in tears, that’s the only time I’m human… at 4:36 in the morning when everyone I’ve ever loved is asleep and I’m alone and cold and broken, shattered in a million and one pieces, struggling to glue myself back together.
“And so often, more often than not, I find myself at six in the morning, when my house is still dark and my head is still aching, wiping my eyes dry and putting on a brave face, silently telling myself, trying franticly to convince myself that things could be worse. I’m overthinking. I’m being selfish and unreasonable. If things really are as bad as my brain is trying to twist them to be, I probably deserve it. Everything I do is wrong.
—  things you should NEVER tell yourself when you are hurting (you are not to blame for your feelings; you should never feel guilty or selfish for being sad) from JOURNALS; A NOVEL I’LL NEVER WRITE— quitenicelys 

50. Writer’s Preference – so I took that to mean choose one of the prompts on the list. I chose 33. Please don’t do this.

Thanks to @apartment303 for sending in the prompt. And here’s where I casually tag some interested parties for this super angsty fic: @simplylemonade @jackfalahee-walsh @winters-blue-children@ramblesandreblogs

Heartbreak hurt. Having never been on the receiving end of it, Connor never understood the depth of its agony. Dragging in a shaky breath, he looked up at the ceiling and tried to stop his tears from falling. He never thought this was possible.

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Do I Wanna Know

Alistair x Warden 

 Words: 7561

Aurea gets up the courage to ask her husband to treat her a little rougher in bed.

Warnings: spanking, throat grabbing, slight hair pulling

Alistair stood gaping in front of his wife, mouth opening and closing like a fish on the shore. “I’m sorry, you want me to do what to you?” 

Aurea stood before him, silk and fur robe wrapped tightly around her body, refusing to be ashamed of asking this of him. “I want you to be rough with me, Alistair. I’m not asking you to hurt me. I’m asking you to be firm, grab me, pin me- don’t give me that look, I know you can. I need this, Alistair. Just for one night, I am asking you to do this for me. You don’t have to tie me down or hurt me.” Aurea look down at her hands: they were clenched tightly into the fabric near her chest, she hadn’t remembered when she moved them there. 

“I know it sounds foolish, and maybe it is, but I need to know there is someone stronger than me. I need to be handled, Alistair. You are the only one I trust to do that.” 

Alistair swallowed around the dry patch in his throat and stumbled over his words. His wife stood before him, opening herself up to him and he stood there looking like a fool. “I- I mean…Maker’s breath, Aurea you can’t- What if I screw it up? What if I actually hurt you? Don’t you snort at me! You can be hurt, Aurea. I know you like to think that I can’t hurt you, but I can.” 

“Yes, yes, I know. You bashed open that portcullis in Denerim to get to me. I know you can hurt me, but I also know you won’t. You won’t screw it up, darling. If I want you to stop, we both know I can make you. If you’re uncomfortable with this, we won’t do it.” 

She tried not to be angry with him, she honestly did. It would never occur to her to force him into an action he found uncomfortable. But Maker be damned if she didn’t need it. She needed her body to be in someone else’s hands, she needed to feel gripped and held.  She toed her way over to his tense body and gave him a slow kiss, her lips taking his bottom one.
“It’s alright, Alistair. I won’t make you do this.” 

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They just stood in the foyer, silent. Neither one of them had the heart to say anything, but Saerow made the first move. He grabbed Catherine gently by the arm and pulled her close. The anger that burned inside her dimmed the longer they stayed in that embrace.

She felt the tickle in her throat as she pushed her tears back. “She was going to take our baby away, Saerow. And I thought you didn’t care. I hated you…”

“I know and I’m sorry…” His eyes glinted the bright icy blue they used to be before they darkened again. “I cannot undo the past, but I will make it up to you. Thank you for protecting my child.”

Our child…”

He nodded, lips spreading into a slight smile. “Our child.”

Catherine relaxed further into his hold and closed her eyes, listening to the soft pounding in his chest. She was still hurt from what he did, but at the same time she missed him.

Listen up kiddos because I almost died at the mall today

Okay, probably not, but it was scary. 

Esther and I were in a sort of new-agey store looking at some essential oils for a project we’re doing (soap-making because we’re nerds). I didn’t even smell anything close up, but suddenly my nose started burning. And then the burning traveled down into the back of my mouth, and then down my throat. It hurt, and eventually it got so bad that I could barely breathe. 

So I’m standing there in the middle of the store presumably having an allergic reaction, and Esther finally notices and asks if I’m alright. I shook my head because I couldn’t talk. She asked if I was choking, because it sure looked that way, and again I shook my head because I wasn’t choking, I just couldn’t breathe. 

By now I’ve got tears streaming down my face and Esther is freaking out. I started trying to leave because I didn’t want to make a scene in the store, but I ended up getting really light headed and having to drop to the ground to keep from passing out/vomiting/both. 

It passed in a couple minutes and I was alright. No idea what the fuck happened though. 

i was feeling sort of okay for a bit… not too bad but not good either. but then i was reading my book and i read this line that made my chest feel tight and my stomach flip flop. it triggered a flashback, a memory that rushed into my head immediately and made my throat close up. it was something i haven’t thought of in a long, long time but as soon as the thought hit me, i started to cry.

i feel sick now and i want to cry more. it just…. hurts. i probably could have gone my whole life without remembering but the book forced it back into my head and i feel so upset.

i think i’m going to go to bed. this day seems to have lasted a lifetime and i want it to end.

Day +10

I just had what I hope to be my worst day. I could not sit up for more than one minute. My throat was so sore it hurt to swallow water. Unfortunately my grandson and his parents visited from Chicago those two days. So they saw me during my worst days. I also had to have a CT scan on my throat to make sure it was not closing up.

i think i might be going actually insane
more than usual that is
i went to get myself some more ice cream bc im sick and my throat hurts and i couldnt find it fucking ANYWHERE and i was freaking out like I KNOW I LOSE SHIT A LOT BUT WHERE THE FUCK COULD I HAVE PUT ICE CREAM

the microwave, is the answer. somehow, in some way, my subconscious mind (bc i sure as fuck dont remember it) thought… oh, ice cream? i know. i know where that goes. THE FUCKING MICROWAVE

it wasnt turned on or anything. i didnt heat it up. i just put it in there, and closed the door, and moved on with my life.

the fucking microwave.