and is laughing just to be polite

Writing in a coffee shop. In the study area there’s me, 7 other girls, and 1 dude whose name is probably Chad. Because Chad is the way that he is, he zeroes in on a pretty girl with her laptop out & headphones on and his thought process is like, “She totally wants me to talk at her for 20 minutes." 

So he chats her up, and when he’s about to leave he asks for her number. She politely says no. He’s all, "Then why did you talk to me? What’s your problem?” etc and finally stomps off in a huff like the grown ass man he is. His parting shot: “Well, GOOD LUCK making it as an actor.” (After which I’m assuming he high fived himself and whispered, “Nice one Chad.”) 

After he leaves, there’s like 5 seconds of silence before EVERY SINGLE GIRL in the study area just fucking CRACKS UP. It was the purest moment of human connection I have ever experienced. We are laughing our asses off. We are imitating Chad’s whiny pissbaby voice. I ask the pretty girl if that actually just happened. She says yes it did. I say, bullet fuckin’ DODGED babe. She laughs. I am reborn. We are all reborn. I don’t know what Chad was working on in this coffee shop, but there is a 100% chance it was 1. a screenplay, and 2. a remake of The Great Gatsby, but like it’s for millennials and a milquetoast white guy named Brent has a threesome with 2 beautiful hipster girls who both fall in love with him. It’s titled BOATS AGAINST THE CURRENT and it, like Chad’s love life, will never take off.

rising signs when drunk
  • Aries: loud af, super fun, changes the music and dances by themselves, sometimes a bit of a dick (in the BEST WAY POSSIBLE), makes everyone dance with them, the one usually to come up with an idea to ride down a hill on some cardboard they found (SO FUN), probs will steal a sign
  • Taurus: probs drunk eating or hanging out in the kitchen, always on the look out for food or a snuggle, really well dressed and presented, super touchy and affectionate (often they're not super affectionate), SUPER giggly lmao, almost a mom-friend but if you're not a CLOSE friend they rly will not give a fuck, will very likely take off their clothes bc they feel so restricted
  • Gemini: giggly as hell, absolute SHIT talker, could probably win a debate with their confidence when drunk, tends to like run away, ditzy and off the planet entirely, somehow manages to talk with everyone at the party, doesn't really remember their names, accidentally flirty but only bc they are on their own level
  • Cancer: Super mom-friend if you're a close pal, will not give a fuck if you're not close, really loves food, tends to be super fun and captivating, really social and flirty, doesn't take it anywhere though so when it gets more than flirty they kinda just... leave that situation, can get offended rly quickly but also as quickly is laughing in the centre of the room
  • Leo: the organiser, lights up the party when they walk in, everyone is playing drinking games around them, always dressed on-POINT, laughs really loud, NEVER empty handed, always chatting to a group of people really animatedly, will find/swap clothes with someone by the end of the night, first one to get everyone to do shots for the night, forward rolls away from a bad convo, life of the party
  • Virgo: tries to look after everyone at first, makes sure they're comfortable, really sweet and caring, then gets absolutely smashed, talks shit and gets super direct, tells people they're wrong and corrects them in a hilarious way, doesn't shut up when they get started, makes sure everyone is super drunk and having fun, will be the one to hold back hair even if they just threw up
  • Libra: will touch EVERYTHING, super flirty and huggy, friends with everyone in a charming way, has control of the music ALWAYS and will complain when it's shit, somehow has everyone's details by the end of the night, HILARIOUS, talks really fast when they get excited, makes people chug their drinks and starts a chant off, usually ends up hooking up with someone at the end of a night
  • Scorpio: magnetic as hell, super dark and sarcastic at the beginning, cynical and observes, then decides who the fun people are at a party and gets LOOSE AS HELL, seductive and a smooth talker, will definitely bring someone home with them, gets someone's number, dances on the tables, sings/raps a song surprisingly perfectly, charming and witty, super funny
  • Sagittarius: omg life of the party with leo rising, does literally their own thing 100% of the time, gets on their own buzz entirely, makes a brand new friend group and runs off with them during the night, might just run off in general, makes a speech early in the night, makes the FUNNIEST jokes, can talk about politics and also absolutely nothing within the same conversation, always with a drink
  • Capricorn: witty and observant at first, then comes out of their shell and a completely different side to them emerges, will leave mid convo if it's boring, is sarcastic and loud, starts running around and somehow gets the energy of 5 billion condensed suns, gets really confident, speaks and laughs loudly
  • Aquarius: SOCIAL AS HELL, big arms and wild movements, always dresses so uniquely and cool, deeply involved in all drinking games, always ends up scoring more alcohol somehow (it's often given to them), takes a heap of selfies but immediately deletes them if they look slightly bad, will not ever stop talking
  • Pisces: absolutely wildly silly, laughing super hard on one side, and then mid-conversation sprints into another bc they like what they're talking about more, sometimes has a break where they suddenly get sad or mad, but then immediately reverts back to their cloud 9 state, gets a shitload of energy, meets everyone in the party and almost immediately forgets their name, always gets super drunk, passes out, wakes up and keeps going
2

“The Sun and Moon did fall in love but no one said it was a happy story.”

Let’s talk my Sun/Moon Spirit AU ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

tumblr fucked up my image quality okay lets get that out of the way if you want better quality, click on the images.

  • Both Mari and Adrien are half-spirits, actually being part human. 
  • On days they feel like it and are physically allowed, they transform into their ‘human’ versions.
  • Granted, their spirit versions look human but on Earth, they can be disguised as normal people. 
  • As spirits, neither age and have seen centuries upon centuries of different decades. Though because of this, they can have fun adjusting to different eras and are fascinated with these ‘modern touchable squares’.
  • Each night before the dawn, Mari has to set out morning stars which Adrien can see when he awakes, a big reason why he fell in love with her. 
  • Mari, however, has seen Adrien, but only in his human version, and not knowing who he is, falls in love with this human. 
  • They only see eachother, of course, via eclipse. 
  • When the eclipses occur, they don’t have a lot of time so every time it does;
  • “Moon Spirit, how lovely you look today! May I take your hand in marriage now?” 
  • Mari always just laughs and politely declines but in the back of his head, he knows he does want her hand in marriage. They part ways, say the usual goodbye and “keep the morning stars coming’.
  • Then Adrien waits for the next eclipse. He always does. 

More on this au and character designs to come and possibly a gifcomic when I get back to Australia but yeah, this one is semi-angsty and i’m r e a d y.

Why “Beauty and the Beast” was actually pretty great:
  • the music is not good, it’s great
  • production design, costumes (even the freaking yellow dress which is actually quite gorgeous on camera), everything is truly beautiful and quite breathtaking at moments
  • the acting was surprisingly wonderful. it’s disney, it’ll be cheesy at moments—but for the most part, it was terrific
  • this is not a childish adaptation
  • when it gets dark, it gets DARK. 
  • g a s t o n
  • new songs! new character development! 
  • the cgi is not even that bad. in fact, there are moments when it’s pretty seamless. the practical sets and effects compensated for it, in my mind.
  • and when it’s wonky? you won’t care because you’ll be too busy smiling
  • there is some hilarious shit in this movie
  • the beast’s expressions are actually amazing; you can really see the actor moving beneath them 
  • T H E    M U S I C
  • you get to see little kids and adults all freaking out the whole time
  • SIR IAN MCKELLEN PLAYS A CLOCK AND IS AWESOME AT IT
  • emma watson will make your heart stop she is so beautiful
  • sneaky political/ethical gestures that made me cheer
  • this movie is so pure and we need that right now
  • and by the end? i just started laughing and crying—in excess joy. i couldn’t believe it. i’ve never been moved by a movie like that in my life.
  • it won’t please everybody but if you loved the original and if you are prepared to attempt to enjoy it for what it is—a colorful, painterly, vibrant adaptation of a beloved story—then go watch it.

You know what I just realized? I really don’t get allosexuals.
*Example*
I’m hanging out with friends. Two of them are together. One of them looks at the other and says, “I’m thirsty”.
Now I know there are two definitions for thirsty. But I have no idea which definition they’re using.
I mean, they were kind of looking at each other sexually? *Side note: allo body language is strange too.*
So I start looking for something else to do in case they start making out. I mean, I guess I COULD try to carry on the conversation with them, but that seems a little rude.
They notice.
They start going over the top with sexual language, exaggerated voices, blah, blah.

Allos who know I’m ace tend to do this around me. I don’t know why. Is it normal allo behavior? Is it because I look uncomfortable? Is it because my life is actually a sitcom, and it gets a laugh from the audience? These are questions that will continue to be asked, but never answered.

Anyway, they leave. I now assume the orginal statement was sexual, and they left to go to their place to fuck.

They come back 15 minutes later, having gone to Walmart for Cokes. I state my confusion, they point out my mistake, laugh, and call me a prude.

HOW was I supposed to know?!

Is there some kind of secret allo code? Are they telepathic?

So if someone could explain this to me, that would be great.

Also, when I look away from people kissing/making out, I get the same, “Don’t be a prude” reaction.

…?

I can only look at you or away from you? I was trying to be polite by giving you space? Seriously, do allos just watch their friends kiss/make out?

I am so confused.

Send help.

As most people who follow me know, Harry stayed at the hotel my dad works at last weekend, and I haven’t really shared anything about it ‘cause I was asked by my dad, who was NOT asked by any security, to keep it a secret because he wanted Harry to have a completely peaceful weekend in a secluded hotel with no one bothering him. Which he had. And was truly grateful for. 

BUT anyway, I went for lunch with my dad yesterday and he did NOT SHUT UP about Harry bloody Styles. It’s just bromance central. Anyway, he told me a few wee stories, including them exchanging shitty dad jokes and just having a laugh etc. And my dad’s favourite one was when Harry’s driver had to go out for some shopping and politely asked my dad if he wanted anything, and Harry was just “jogging” back up to his room before he got to the top of the stairs and yelled “VIAGRA,” which caused my dad and Harry to giggle like fuckin schoolgirls for a solid 5 minutes.

alright alright alright, @space-australians asked for some humans are space orcs re: adrenaline and tonight you shall receive because it’s 1:15 in the morning and my brain clearly does not believe in sleep!!!

After some time of observation, the Intergalactic Fleet happily welcomed the Terrans. While their uncontrollable pack-bonding instincts had caused some… incidents… they were mostly a boon. In dire straits, the flimsy little two-legged things proved themselves capable of surviving in any inhospitable climate and either pulling their comrades out of danger or summoning help for the danger even while suffering from their own grievous injuries. 

So when Medical Chief Sylatn-Dra’xxort got to share an important dinner with a human called Commander Geralt O’Brien - a rarity, because the Fleet was generally segregated by breathing requirements and her people favored chlorine - she was very excited to pick his brain on how his species could go from “let’s put a knife on this cleaning bot and name it and promote it” to a facsimile of the Terran folk hero “Terminator” in a manner of seconds.

Thanks to the airflow manipulation technologies of the bird-like Aarkorysh people, Commander O’Brien’s voice was only slightly warped as he responded to her questions. “Well, obviously you know humans are full of hormones. When things get dire, say because of a tunnel collapse for example, there’s a hormone called adrenaline that gets released.”

Sylatn-Draxxort listened intently to O’Brien’s explanation of how this ‘adrenaline’ was in many ways a biological equivalent of a starship’s emergency lockdown mode. Terran psychologists called this state “Fight or Flight Mode” and while in such a state, a human might even be able to shrug off pain that would kill other organisms as their body was flooded with a veritable cocktail of substances that blocked pain while providing additional blood sugar to perform feats of strength that impressed even Golretzi soldiers. 

“Now the problem with adrenaline is that it’s really only good for you in short bursts,” O’Brien continued, and took a sip from his glass of red liquid - another human curiosity, their fondness for substances toxic to other species with similar biology. “If a human is under that kind of stress for too long they start producing adrenaline and other stress hormones even when they’re out of danger. At that point, the constant elevated heartrate and stuff ends up becoming a medical issue.” 

He smiled to himself while Sylatn-Draxxort took a few bites of her own meal. “Although on the other end of the spectrum you get adrenaline junkies who seek out that kind of reaction.”

The Medical Chief turned a few of her eyes back to look at the dark-skinned commander, who sounded fond. “Excuse me?”

“Yeah, we call them adrenaline junkies. These are the people who do a lot of base jumping and crazy ski jumps and stuff.”

“Yes, I recently read about a Sergeant injuring herself ‘skiing’ on Pyrhatsdis…”

O’Brien made a face of discomfort before laughing. “Yeah, I read that too. If I remember correctly, she got out with just a little concussion and some scrapes. I’ve had worse skiing injuries than that, though it was partly just because I didn’t do the straps right.”

“And people seek out the sorts of situations that cause this physiological reaction, even though too much of said reaction causes damage to your circulatory system?”

“I know, right?”

Sylatn-Draxxort reached out one of her many arms to take a sip of the cool mercury brew she was fond of while she considered how to respond to this politely. “How strange,” she said softly.

I told a potential my fee & he laughed !!!!!

LI-TER-FUCKIN-LY ! Y’all this man responded, “Lol”.

Now, this is where a lot of sugar babies make an mistake. They allow this mans mockery of how much it cost to support their needs/wants sting, they allow themselves to become vulnerable to manipulative and cheap men

I simply explained to him in the most polite and bitchy tone ever (because ladies sometimes sugar may just in look like salt), “The outfits that you so politely complimented and admired, the makeup, the hair, nails, smooth legs, they all cost. So to maintain your desired image and my lifestyle that you wish to be included in (since you messaged me) you have to support me. In exchange for your support, I shower you in attention, affection, make men envious of you, and offer you an introduction to a diverse culture. I thought that was the kind of man you were, and the interest you had in mind. However I apologize that you cant afford me and my lifestyle and I wish you the best of luck!

See what I did there, “your desired image, make men envious of you, thought that was the kind of man you were, you cant afford me”. Subliminally bruising his ego. Sooo just to try and prove how much of a man he is, now he’ll be competitive, hungry to try prove me wrong. Which he was and immediately he began to retract his statement, and accept my offers. :) people just really want what they cant have…well cant afford.

& since he was acting all funny I will neeed my cash in hand before anythannnng.

This, ladies, is why you shouldn’t lowball yourselves

The Signs as I've Known Them

Aries: Really cool, fun to hand around. Kind of annoying, but you get used to their sexual jokes and bad ance. I associate them with drag racing with really old cars and ending up busting its engine entirely.

Taurus: Usually sweet and caring, will never hesitate to tell you if something’s wrong and would love your help. I associate them with foreign languages that make you sound mature while talking to your dad on the phone.

Gemini: Very bubbly but fun to be around, especially if you can poke fun at them and make them laugh. I associate them with the color yellow that shines on your bed in the morning when the sun rises.

Cancer: Cute, very easy to tickle and tries really hard to make you laugh, but they don’t need to suffer as much as they do. I associate them with paint on the walls you were forced to paint as a grade, but ended up making multiple new friends along the way.

Leo: Stands out in a crowd like a pleasantly-dressed sore thumb; they tend to be touchy-feely, but its comforting when they’re quiet. I associate them with bright stage lights that have gotten too old for their hinges and now just gather dust from pleasant memories.

Virgo: Cares, but it doesn’t seem like it. They can be a bit harsh at times, but they’re total sweehearts when you get closer. I assocoate them with silent walks in the rain with your best friend.

Libra: Very polite and kind, knows everyone the best because they’re always in the background watching all the drama unfold. I associate them with the suburbs and video games that aren’t supposed to make you laugh, but they find the best things in them.

Scorpio: Not as sexual at the stereotype comes across as, but still makes a lot of innuendos if you don’t pay close enough attention. I associate them with rolled up jean shorts and summer days that are too hot to go outside but you just can’t stand being inside anymore.

Saggitarius: Very strong emotionally and mentally, will be there to listen to your problema, but probably can’t give the greatest advice back. I associate them with late afternoons with friends, just playing games strategically and kicking ass.

Capricorn: Builds a hard wall between reality and their emotions, really really tries to do good for others, under appreciated. I associate them with shimmering gold rings and hair streaks, having inside jokes with everyone.

Aquarius: Quirky and cute, but can snap and be a bitch the next second no matter how close you are. I associate them with cloudy days and lazy mornings where you don’t want to go to school but you prefer that over chores.

Pisces: Open and honest, loves attention and affection and respects your opinions, very aesthetically pleasing. I associate them with black out curtains and not realizing what time it is while in a call with your best friend at four in the morning.

Rising Signs When Drunk

Aries: loud af, super fun, changes the music and dances by themselves, sometimes a bit of a dick (in the BEST WAY POSSIBLE), makes everyone dance with them, the one usually to come up with an idea to ride down a hill on some cardboard they found (SO FUN), probs will steal a sign

Taurus: probs drunk eating or hanging out in the kitchen, always on the look out for food or a snuggle, really well dressed and presented, super touchy and affectionate (often they’re not super affectionate), SUPER giggly lmao, almost a mom-friend but if you’re not a CLOSE friend they rly will not give a fuck, will very likely take off their clothes bc they feel so restricted

Gemini: giggly as hell, absolute SHIT talker, could probably win a debate with their confidence when drunk, tends to like run away, ditzy and off the planet entirely, somehow manages to talk with everyone at the party, doesn’t really remember their names, accidentally flirty but only bc they are on their own level

Cancer: Super mom-friend if you’re a close pal, will not give a fuck if you’re not close, really loves food, tends to be super fun and captivating, really social and flirty, doesn’t take it anywhere though so when it gets more than flirty they kinda just… leave that situation, can get offended rly quickly but also as quickly is laughing in the centre of the room

Keep reading

Church Boys Moan Louder

THIS WAS A PROMPT BUT I FUCKED UP AND ACCIDENTALLY POSTED IT EARLY SO NOW ITS GONE FOREVER IM SORRY ANON BUT I STILL WANTED TO FINISH IT SO YE the prompt was basically innocent religious dan and phil like pines after him ; ending in sex in church bathroom and yes, you are going to hell

it’s also really long oops

~

Phil was fucking screwed. Never had he wanted someone so bad as he wanted Dan Howell. That boy fucked with his head and his body and his life. And he wasn’t even TRYING.

If he was trying, he was doing a damn good job at hiding it. Dan seemed completely oblivious to Phil’s attempts to win him over. The light blush on his cheeks said otherwise, but Dan ignored it completely. Dan was the goddamn priests son, but Phil liked a challenge. And this definitely was one.

Phil took another sip of the dumb nonalcoholic punch they were serving, scowling at the plastic cup. He shouldn’t be here, at this dumb church party, he didn’t have to be. It was optional, unlike the weekly services he was required to attend due to his parents getting pissed that he had defiled the school with graffiti yet again. It wasn’t that bad, he got to see Dan at least. But the only reason he was here was for him.

“Hey,” a girl spoke, interrupting Phil’s thoughts. He turned to look at her, scanning her blonde hair and plaid school uniform. Who wears a uniform to a party? Church kids, Phil figured.

“Uh, hey,” Phil responded, sounding completely uninterested, but she didn’t take a hint.

“Fun party, huh?”

Phil raised his eyebrows at her, chuckling, pulling a flask out of his leather jacket pocket and tipping the clear liquid into the cup.

“No, not particularly.”

She seemed a bit put off by that, but bounced back quickly.

“So, do you know anyone here?” She asked, her voice light and Phil swore he heard a hint of flirtiness in her tone

Phil chuckled, his eyes glinting.

“Look, sorry honey, but if you’re trying to get in my pants you might as well give up now. I like cock, dunno if your tiny brain can wrap itself around that, but the only reason I’m here is that I want to fuck Dan Howell.” He casually picked at a black nail, flashing her a tight lipped smile. “So, if you still want to bother me after that, feel free. But I’m gay as hell. Just saying.”

The girl stared at him, her eyes wide and her jaw practically hitting the ground. Phil chuckled. He loved doing that.

She let out a small squeak, whirling on her heel and rushing off. Phil shook his head.

Phil cursed under his breath as he watched her beeline straight to Dan and his group of friends at the other side of the room. Phil couldn’t hear what she was saying, but she pointed at him less than subtly. A blush appeared immediately on Dan’s face, a hand going to cover his mouth automatically. He said something, and glanced over at Phil. Phil winked, waving. Might as well commit.

Dan blushed harder, looking away immediately and pressing his hands to his clearly heated cheeks. Phil smirked. He loved how much of an affect this had on him. He was so responsive.

Phil would just have to wait until he was alone.


~


It was about half an hour of boredom and wanting to leave later when Dan’s friends started to leave one by one, and Phil watched them almost hungrily until the only one left was the girl who had talked to him.

Phil moved along the wall a little closer, straining to hear their conversation. He couldn’t hear her but he heard Dan say “Silvia, I’m fine, I’m just gonna help clean up. I can take care of myself.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with walking home alone?”

“Of course. It’s just a few blocks over.” He offered her a soft smile, touching her shoulder, and Phil’s heart swelled. Damn it. “It’ll be fine. I’ll see you at school, alright?”

“Alright…” she agreed hesitantly, going on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek, rushing out of the room.

And then it was only them.

Dan cleared his throat, his cheeks beginning to redden again. “So, um, do you want to help clean up, or…”

Phil recognized the opportunity he was offering, and took it. “Yeah, sure. I’d say you’ll probably need a hand.”

Phil helped Dan fold chairs, watching him the whole time while Dan avoided his eyes.

“You look nice,” Dan commented, just being polite, but Phil snorted.

“Are you kidding? I’m wearing rags compared to you. Seriously, who wears a tie to a party in a church basement?”

Dan blushed even harder, glancing down at the black tie fastened neatly around his neck.

“Me, I guess,” he muttered, laughing awkwardly.

“Was that your girlfriend?” Phil blurted.

Dan looked at him then, eyes wide. “Who, Silvia?”

Phil nodded, and Dan laughed. Like, really laughed.

“No!” He exclaimed, shaking his head. “She’s my cousin!”

Now Phil laughed too, pushing his hair back until it sat in a quiff above his forehead.

“Oh Jesus,” he muttered. “Well, thank god.”

He expected Dan to just brush off his comment like he always did, change the subject, look away, something. He didn’t.

“Why’s that?” He asked softly, pressing his lips together and searching Phil’s face. “Why are you relieved?”

Phil shrugged, tossing a plastic cup at the trash and making it. “Because if you were with anyone else, I’d be upset.”

He glanced at Dan, smirking at the way his eyes had widened and his mouth had fallen open just slightly.

“W-Why?” Dan asked again, biting his lip and turning back to the plates he was stacking.

“Because I like you.” He shrugged, casual. “I wanna make you mine, and if people are interfering, that’s a problem, isn’t it baby boy?”

A small gasp escaped Dan’s mouth at the nickname, and Phil smirked.

“Silvia… Silvia said you…” he trailed off, chewing on his lip, his eyebrows furrowed. Phil took this opportunity to step closer.

“That I want to fuck you?” Phil asked, finishing the sentence, and Dan tensed up.

“Yeah…” he muttered, practically a whisper.

“Well, it’s not a lie.” Phil glanced at him, searching his face before turning back to the chair he was folding up. “I’ve been hitting on you for the last month, you didn’t notice?”

Dan shook his head, avoiding his gaze, and they were quiet for a moment.

“You ever kissed a boy?”

“What?!” Dan spluttered, his cheeks redder than Phil had thought possible. “N-No, of course not, I… I couldn’t.”

Phil turned to look at him, frowning, turning his whole body this time so he was facing him.

“Why not?”

Dan faced him too, at a loss for words, his mouth opening and closing.

“I mean, I s-suppose I could but… I CAN’T. That… that’s…” he trailed off, and Phil stepped forward so he was only inches away. Dan froze, but didn’t move away.

He trailed a finger up Dan’s jaw slowly and Dan swallowed, shivering, watching its progress. “You never know if you like something until you try it, right?”

“Well I suppose, but…” Dan gasped as Phil grabbed his tie, wrapping it around his hand and pulling Dan closer.

“But?”

“But…” Dan looked like his mind was going fuzzy, glancing down at the tie that Phil was holding him by and back up at Phil’s eyes, and then his lips. “I’m not gay,” he practically squeaked, his voice small.

“You never know if you like something unless you try it,” Phil repeated, slowly touching Dan’s waist with the hand that wasn’t gripping his tie. Dan didn’t move an inch as Phil leaned over, pressing his lips against Dan’s.

Phil waited a second to make sure Dan wasn’t going to pull away before reaching up to touch Dan’s chin, really kissing him. He dragged his tongue along Dan’s bottom lip, asking for entrance, rather surprised when he actually opened his mouth.

He could feel Dan’s hands shaking as they moved up Phil’s chest, sliding over his shoulders and wrapping around his neck. Phil gripped his waist, pulling him as close as possible. With one hand he tangled his fingers in Dan’s hair, kissing him deeper. He tasted like awful punch and fruit gum, and Phil was sure he tasted like cigarettes, but Dan didn’t seem to mind.

Phil backed him against the wall, kissing him hotly and letting his hands roam Dan’s body. He moved his mouth to Dan’s jaw, kissing down to his neck and nipping at the pale skin. Dan whimpered, moaning softly and tangling his fingers in Phil’s hair.

“Ah-” Dan gasped, letting his head fall back against the wall. “Phil…”

Phil pulled back, pressing his forehead against Dan’s and breathing heavily.

“Is there somewhere we could go?” Phil breathed, and he promised himself if Dan said no, or didn’t get the hint, he would give up. Dan’s brown eyes blinked at him.

“Just one…”

They ended up in the boy’s bathroom, Phil roughly shoving him against the wall and kissing him possessively. Dan whined into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Phil’s neck and clinging to him desperately.

Phil grabbed Dan’s thigh, hooking his leg around his waist and Dan took the hint, hopping up and wrapping his legs around Phil’s waist. Phil went back to his neck, trailing sloppy kisses down to his collarbone.

He unbuttoned Dan’s shirt, loosening and removing his tie before kissing him again. He let Dan push off his leather jacket and tug his shirt over his head, tossing it aside.

Phil’s hands explored Dan’s chest, pinching one of his nipples, and Dan gasped.

“Phil…” he moaned, an indirect beg for more. Phil palmed at his bulge, feeling Dan grind against his hand desperately.

Phil picked him up, spinning them around and setting him down on the counter, tugging at the button of Dan’s black jeans. Once he got them off he flipped Dan over after pressing a kiss to his jaw, bending him over the counter.

“I’m guessing you’ve never done this with a guy before,” Phil muttered, smoothing his hand over the curve of Dan’s ass and squeezing roughly. Dan jumped.

“N-No…”

Phil kissed the nape of his neck, pressing himself against Dan’s body. “Are you sure you want to?”

Dan let out an almost desperate gasp, his voice breaking. “Yes, yesyesyes, god just please… p-please fuck me, Phil, want you.”

Phil grunted, slapping Dan’s thigh sharply. “Jesus, you have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”

Phil took no time removing his jeans, tugging down Dan’s boxers as well, grinding his still clothed bulge against Dan’s ass. Dan moaned, reaching back and grabbing Phil’s hips, pulling him closer.

Phil’s boxers were off in a second as well, skin rubbing against skin. Dan pushed his ass back; he was a needy bottom and Phil fucking loved it.

Phil held two fingers to Dan’s mouth, motioning for him to open. Dan sucked on the fingers obediently, slicking them up with spit.

“This might hurt a little,” Phil muttered, rubbing Dan’s entrance with one finger. “Tell me to stop if you need to, alright?”

“Mhm,” Dan agreed, pushing his ass back again. Phil slapped it and Dan yelped, pulling forward again.

“Don’t be a needy bitch, Dan,” Phil growled, pushing the first finger into Dan slowly. Dan moaned.

“S-Sorry, sir-” he gasped.

Phil took his time stretching him; considering it was his first time he didn’t want it to hurt too bad. Dan flinched away at first but soon he was whining and grinding back on Phil’s digits. Phil moaned just at the sight, he never thought he’d have him like this.

Finally he pulled out, holding his hand up to Dan’s face again and instructing him to spit. Dan did as he said, and Phil slicked himself up with that as well as precum that was already forming on the head of his swollen cock.

“Ready?” He breathed, pressing his whole body against Dan’s and leaning over him to kiss his neck. Dan whined.

“Yes, yes sir, please, I’m ready, I need you.”

Phil hummed in approval; he loved how quickly Dan had changed from a good little church boy to a desperate slut with just a little kissing.

Phil pushed in slowly, taking his time in edging into Dan, which took an incredible amount of self control on his part. Finally he bottomed out, kneading Dan’s ass in his hands. Dan was a mess beneath him, whining and whimpering at every movement, conflicted between pushing back and pulling away.

Phil reached up, tangling his fingers in Dan’s hair, giving it a soft tug and driving a whimper out of Dan’s pretty mouth.

He began to thrust, pulling almost all the way out and pushing back in slowly, Dan gasping every time he did so. Phil snapped his hips roughly without warning, thrusting hard, and Dan cried out.

“Fuck!” He practically shrieked, a loud feminine moan falling from his mouth.

“You’re a loud little slut, aren’t you?” Phil panted, groaning as he thrust roughly again. Dan let out a high pitched whine.

“Fuckfuckfuck p-please, fuck, harder…”

Phil obliged, driving his cock deeper into the whimpering boy, skin slapping on skin echoing through the room. Phil tugged on Dan’s hair again, watching his face through the mirror, and fuck he could cum just from that.

Dan’s lips were swollen, his cheeks red and flushed, his hair messy and his eyes glazed over with need. Phil groaned, snapping his hips.

Phil knew he had hit Dan’s prostate when he screamed, a loud “FUCK, PHIL” bouncing off the walls. Phil smirked, angling his thrusts to hit that spot.

“This is a sin, you know,” Phil growled, reaching up to cover Dan’s mouth with his hand as he fucked into him harder. “Such a filthy fucking sinner for me, princess, ruined on my cock.”

Dan’s desperate muffled moans against his hand were pushing him to the edge, that and his tight heat encasing Phil’s cock. Phil smirked.

“Such a pretty fucking sinner too, isn’t that right? All for me. Your tight ass is all mine, yeah?”

Dan didn’t answer, continuous moaning falling from his mouth, muffled by Phil’s hand. He just nodded frantically, his moans sounding close to sobs.

Dan came after a few more thrusts all over his stomach, white streaking the counter under him and he whimpered, now sensitive to Phil’s cock pounding into his prostate every thrust.

Phil pulled out, quickly tugging Dan to his knees in front of him, guiding his cock to his lips. Dan took it obediently, lowering himself on Phil’s length. Phil groaned, tangling his fingers in Dan’s hair and fucking his throat as gently as he could. Dan gagged, digging his fingernails into Phil’s hips, and that was all it took. Phil came down his throat, keeping his cock still until he was sure Dan had swallowed all of it.

He helped Dan to his feet, holding him steady because it was clear he was close to falling over.

Dan just stared at him, stunned, watching as Phil casually got dressed. After he was clothed he cleaned Dan’s stomach and the counter with a paper towel, tossing it in the trash.

He grinned, kissing Dan’s cheek and backing towards the door, winking.

“See you next Sunday, Danny.”

hand in hand

Now that he thinks about it, Castiel can’t remember the last time he had any physical contact at all.

On AO3

touch-starved cas, college au

music

———

“Cas, hey. Hey. Hey, Cas!”

Castiel looks up, finally registering that the voice he hears is directed at him. He finds Dean Winchester standing in front of him. How long has he been there?

“Ah, hello Dean. I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

Dean leans against Charlie Bradbury’s kitchen table and eyes Castiel critically. “You okay, man? You’ve been standing here for, like, a while.”

“Yeah. Yes. I was just thinking.”

Dean gives a smile, Castiel likes to think that it’s fond, but maybe that’s just wishful thinking. “Come on, they’re about to start the movie.”

“Alright.”

Castiel lets himself be led back into the living room, loud and chaotic. The sounds of talking and laughing and shouting are enjoyable, but Castiel can’t handle much of it at once, which is why he’d fled to the kitchen a while ago. He hopes Dean was the only one who noticed he was gone, he doesn’t want to seem rude.

In the living room Charlie, Gilda, and Kevin sit on the sofa, Gilda’s feet tucked up under Charlie’s legs. Jo is curled up on a beanbag chair. Dean sprawls out on an overstuffed armchair that could easily fit two, and Benny is sitting on the floor with his back against the couch.

With all the seats taken in his absence, Castiel opts for the floor. He settles himself down in front of Dean’s seat.

“What are we watching?” Asks Jo.

“Legally Blonde!” Charlie announces.

“Not again!” Kevin moans.

“Suck it up, Tran! My house, my movies!”

“It’s not just your house!” Kevin points out.

Charlie rolls her eyes, sighing. “What do you guys think?” She asks Gilda and Jo, who also live in the house.

“I like Legally Blonde.” Says Gilda.

“We’re watching Legally Blonde.” Says Jo.

Castiel suspects, by Kevin’s scowl, that they’re messing with him. It’s hard to tell. Castiel has never been to one of these “movie nights” before. These aren’t even his friends, not really. Acquaintances at most. They’re Dean’s friends.

“Drinking game?” Asks Dean, hopefully.

“Of course.” Charlie responds, “Should we do whiskey or vodka?”

“I’ll get the shot glasses.” Says Jo.

Castiel needs to get out more, that’s what everyone says. Well, that’s what Dean says, and Dean is his only friend so, really, Dean is everyone.

Castiel would point out that he’s almost never in his dorm, but more than likely in the library, which is where he met Dean in the first place.

Dean always argues that the library doesn’t really count as out, but Castiel disagrees. It gets him away from his current roommate, and that’s out enough for him. So what if he doesn’t leave campus? So what if he doesn’t really talk to anyone?

He’s doing fine, alright? He’s okay. He’s great.

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BTS reactions to a foreigner speaking perfect Korean

A/N: I love when the boys are shook. so this was really fun to write! Thanks for requesting!!! -amelia

Seokjin:

He is on your level. He starts throwing out random english words trying to impress you after you impressed him with your fluency. “Pizza! P-I-Z-Z-A. I love pizza!” You also love pizza, and share your feelings for the food in korean. Jin and you are just having a fun time joking around and his english skills are actually impressing you quite a bit.

Originally posted by hohbi

Yoongi:

He’s a lil salty because he had mentally prepared to utter a few words to you in english and now he’s not prepared for a whole other conversation. He makes it through, a little exasperated at the end but he still enjoyed conversing with you. Annoyed but intrigued that you were so intelligent and he loved what you said about his music, making that annoyance wash away.

Originally posted by kim-taehyungieee

Hoseok:

You had him fooled. When you walk up he immediately goes ‘Oh hello~” but when you begin to say your reply in korean, his face completely alters into a ginormous smile. He hardly lets you get a word in as he praises your speaking ability, then he moves onto your hair and realizes since you can communicate with him… he should let you say a few more words but it was hard to remember the format of a fan meet since he was looking at a beautiful foreigner.

Originally posted by hoseokxx

Namjoon:

Namjoon always feels a close bond to international armies, as he could communicate the best with them. Even though you knew korean he wanted to continue talking to you in english, to impress not only his members but so the K-amrys could also be impressed. His talk with you was long and sweet. He praised your intellect and joked about the other members, who were side eyeing because they knew something was up with your laughs. 

Originally posted by jaayhope

Jimin:

He tossed you the softest smile as you approached him and he greeted you very politely in english. After he said hello he looked kind of lost, but you saved the conversation explaining you were fluent. He laughed out loud because he was relieved, he loves international armies but it’s easier for him to express himself in korean. He said you had a different style to you, and he liked talking to someone refreshing. 

Originally posted by parkjiminer

Taehyung:

Every army Taehyung meets is greeted with the same amount of AHHHH. He was super cute and bubbly with you until you started speaking korean and he was just stunned. He wasn’t expecting that. After he got over the initial shock, and you finished laughing at his shocked expression he went back to being AHHHHH, but this time, in korean.

Originally posted by suga-com

Jungkook:

CAUGHT OFF GUARD. His high school career of english lessons flashed before his eyes in a blur and all of the sudden he snaps back to reality and your speaking korean? He needs a minute. On this day, Jungkook was definitely Jungshook.

Originally posted by liveforeverneversaynever

anonymous asked:

I am loving the top 10 lists!! Can you please do one that is like "top 10 vacation/travel stories"

Top 10 Vacation/Travel Stories:

10) The first time they go to Thailand to visit Phichit, they both try and speak as much Thai as they can to practice the language and be polite. The only problem is is that Viktor speaks about three words of actual Thai and the rest of his technique is just have a go and learn along the way and Yuuri has a really, really strong accent when he speaks Thai so Phichit spends the whole trip just laughing at both of them

9) Once when they were sunbathing on the beach Viktor fell asleep by accident and got sunglass tan lines burned onto his face and refused to come out of the house for days until they faded

8) Once during the NHK Trophy, Chris and Phichit were skating in it and Viktor and Yuuri had come to cheer them on and before the competition they went out to get food together. Since they were in Japan they all made sure to go to a café that was absolutely filled with posters of Yuuri just to watch him slowly die of embarrassment

7) On Viktor’s first visit to Japan he stayed in the onsen so long that Yuuri was concerned he had drowned because he decided that hot springs were the best things on earth and he never wanted to leave

6) During Yuuri’s first trip to Russia he met some of Viktor’s neighbours and they were all really nice but whenever he saw them gossiping in the halls of the building when he walked past he noticed they kept using the same phrase all the time before looking over at him and smiling and laughing. He got kind of self-conscious and worried that they were laughing at him or saying he wasn’t worthy of Viktor or something. When he repeated the phrase to Viktor it turned out that all of Viktor’s neighbours in his apartment block had taken to calling Yuuri ‘Viktor’s attractive foreign boyfriend’ and were usually gossiping about how lucky Viktor was whenever Yuuri walked by

5) The one I mentioned in a previous top ten about them both being on a long haul flight and Yuuri slept for the entire 15 hours and felt great and Viktor couldn’t sleep at all and got bored out of his mind because his boyfriend was asleep and not paying him any attention

4) Once Viktor and Yuuri both went back to Detroit for a Skate Club reunion for Yuuri and all the skaters there spent the entire time gawking at Viktor because A) Yuuri somehow managed to bag himself the Living Legend and they were all very jealous/impressed and B ) They all remembered how Yuuri used to be hell bent on beating Viktor and then the next time they see him he has a ring and they spend the entire time calling each other pet names and holding hands and generally being the cutest couple ever

3) The first time they visit Chris in Switzerland, Yuuri secretly practices French because it’s what he always hears Viktor and Chris talking in and he doesn’t want to sound ignorant or feel left out even though Viktor had already promised to translate if need be. But then they arrived and everyone was talking in German and Yuuri was like ‘what?’. And then they travelled somewhere else and everyone was talking in Italian and Yuuri was like ‘what???’ And then they finally went to the French speaking part of Switzerland but Chris offhandedly mentioned that there was also Romansh as another official language and Yuuri was like ‘help, I’m not multilingual enough for this’.

2) On Yuuri’s first trip to Russia he finally got to experience the dubious joy of Viktor’s driving which mainly consisted of him hanging on for dear life in the passenger seat like ‘we’re going to die, we’re going to die, Viktor I DON’T WANT TO DIE IN A PINK CONVERTIBLE’

1) Once Viktor and Yuuri were walking around Tokyo on a trip and lots of people were looking at them and Yuuri was just like ‘oh Viktor, look how many people are looking at you! There must be a lot of skating fans here.’ And Viktor was just sort of side-eyeing him like, ‘Yuuri do you think they’re looking at me, the Russian tourist, or you, Japan’s Ace who has won multiple gold medals for this country and whose face is on a billboard literally right across the street from us?’

Might I just say @mortemistrata that I was a little unsure about this prompt at first, but I had so much fun writing this! 

“Good morning, Keith.”

Keith froze with one eyebrow arched. He slowly studied the brunet in front of him. “No ‘mullet’ this morning?”

“That would be rude,” Lance said, lips curled into a frown.

Keith’s face fell until he was matching the brunet’s expression. “Are you okay?” He zeroed in on small details, like the way Lance’s normally tan skin looked slightly washed out or the dark, bruised circles under Lance’s almost lifeless eyes.

“Of course.” Lance replied, tone even. “We should go before we are late to breakfast.”

Keith absently nodded, brows furrowed deeply, as he followed the brunet into the dining hall.

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Best Friends (Part 2)

Summary: Meeting in college, you and Bucky strike up a friendship. And that is all there is, until Bucky realizes he’s in love with you. But it might just be a little too late for that.

Word Count: 890

Part 1

A/N: If you aren’t in the tags yet, and you told me you wanted to be in the tags, I apologize. This part was queued up minutes after I made part 1 and I’m at work ahhh. You’ll be included in part 3 for sure. Hope you enjoy!

Originally posted by jlstreck


Two weeks later, you ran into him again. This time, you were sitting down for your political science final exam and he had taken the seat right next to you. He recognized you first.

“Hey!” he greeted, wide smile on his face as you turned to look at him, perplexed. “Girl that I thought was Dot and snuck into her bed! How are you?”

You tilted your head, your brain still going over political theory and not processing what he had just said.

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Baby boy (Jungkook one-shot smut)

Originally posted by nnochu


A/N: Just had it lying around. Will edit later.

Summary: You and Jungkook get carried away at school.

Themes: Baby boy Jungkook, sex with risk of being caught, sex at school, battle for dominance, dom Jungkook, sub Jungkook

Pairing: You x Jungkook

Genre: Pure smut

Word count: 4k (like all smut lol)

Trigger warnings: Dominance, sex at school, teasing, swearing, graphic smut, oral

thank you, @lindlovesbts <3


You’d first hooked up with him 56 days ago. It was a party. Another one. One you shouldn’t have gone to, just like the 5 before that. The liquor rang strong in your veins and your body shuddered with sexual frustration as you watched him from across the room. He hadn’t noticed you until you made it impossible for him not to. You got real close to where he was sitting on a random couch and danced as seductively as you could. You knew your plan to get his attention worked when you were in the kitchen pouring another drink and he approached you.

“Y/N, right?” He asks, casually leaning back against the counter, which holds the red cup your eyes are still on. You know it’s him and don’t bother to look up- adding to the game.

“And you’re Jungkook.”

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Wait, what?

(based on this) (look, there’s a part two)


Yuuri barely has time to grab his jacket when he runs out the door, much less brush his hair or find a hat. Unfortunately, he’s sure that that means that his hair is an absolute mess. It’s been getting long again, but in between classes and helping Yura out with his routine on the weekends, he hasn’t had much time for things like haircuts. Besides, Victor doesn’t seem to mind it, and Yura likes to experiment hairstyles on Yuuri “so that if it looks stupid, I don’t have to see it on myself.”

It’s not that big a deal, except on days like this, when he sleeps in (thanks a lot Vitya) and doesn’t have the time to really get it under control. He usually meets up with his friends before class, and he doesn’t doubt that they’ll notice, and probably tease him about it.

They notice.

“Yuuri!” Estephania gasps, sounding too scandalized for her words to be anything but teasing. “What on earth happened to your hair?”

Yuuri flushes. “I was running late,” he mumbles.

Richard snorts. “You sure? Because that looks more like sex hair to me, man.”

“Ooh, he’s right,” Estephania coos before Yuuri can protest.

He wonders if it’s possible to die of embarrassment (especially since they’re not entirely wrong). “No, really I–”

“We know, sweetie.” She reaches up and moves his hair around a bit, trying to make it look presentable. “You’re just too easy to tease.”

“You sure you’re really twenty seven?” Richard raises an eyebrow.

Yuuri just smiles at the ground in fond humiliation (apparently it’s not a common emotion, but it’s a little hard not to be used to the feeling when he’s married to the world’s biggest drama queen) and nods. “I am.”

His friends are too much sometimes, he admits. Richard is the embodiment of America in a lot of ways: loud, completely lacking a sense of social norms, a walking personification of testosterone. Estephania is less… everything… than Richard, but she’s very touchy and affectionate in an entirely platonic way that reminds Yuuri a lot of Christophe, only without all of the innuendo. But they’re both loyal down to their very core, and they’re not bad people.

His phone starts ringing, Stammi Vicino playing loudly. Yuuri picks up, keeping his phone away from Estephania’s hands. “Да, Vitya?”

“Dude! You speak Russian too?” Richard looks like Yuuri just smacked him in the face. The school year just started, so they’re all still learning about each other.

Yuuri just smiles, since Victor is in the middle of one of his usual mid-morning crises. “Vitya, calm down,” he says in Russian. “Makkachin is probably out with Yura. You know he takes her for walks sometimes. Have you seen him today?”

He manages to get Victor off the phone just before class starts, flipping his phone to airplane mode since he’s sure that this isn’t the last he’ll be hearing from his lovable trainwreck of a husband.



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