Ok I'm trying to keep hope, so what if Kara is really only getting with Mon-El so that she can deny and push down her feelings for Lena? Bc if not the idek what to think just I really hope that's all it is.
Oh honey, the Swan Queen fandom has been doing this for years, and it is a beautiful and clever and necessary coping mechanism. Here. Enjoy.
Alex calls for an emergency Sisters’ Night. In fact, she demands it.
And Kara is excited, because Rao, does she need to talk to Alex. And Rao, does she need to hear Alex talk, because so much is going on with Maggie, and with her lab work to find Jeremiah, and with J’onn missing M’gann, and with just… everything.
But even more than talking, Kara just wants to snuggle on the couch with her big sister.
So when Alex lets herself into her apartment and Maggie trails in apologetically behind her, Kara bristles.
She adjusts her glasses and she forces a smile. “Hey Maggie,” she strains, reminding herself sternly that Maggie has been through so much, that Maggie was just retraumatized, that Maggie is probably going to be her sister-in-law one day, so might as well start attending Sisters’ Nights now, right?
But Alex is throwing up her hands and taking Kara by the shoulders, because she knows her sister, and she knows the war that’s raging in her head, in her heart.
“So, Kara, I lied. I want to do Sisters’ Night, just you and me. Because Sisters’ Night will always just be for us. But, tomorrow. Not tonight. I lied, and I’m sorry about that, but I was afraid you’d tell us not to come over if I told you…”
Kara backs away from Alex and furrows her brow.
“If you told me what?”
“We’re worried about you, Kara,” Maggie chimes, and holds out a bag of potstickers that Kara hadn’t noticed before, and Kara snatches them with narrowed eyes and a suspicious glare.
She sits down with a grunt and begrudgingly nods her sister and her sister’s girlfriend to do the same. Alex and Maggie exchange a glance, and it’s like they can read each other’s minds, they work together so seamlessly.
Kara feels a stab of something like jealousy, but she knows it’s not about Alex. She’s purely happy for Alex. It’s about something else, something different. Something that she hopes against hope that Alex an Maggie aren’t going to try to make her talk about, because Rao, she doesn’t know how she can handle it if they do.
She tears into the potstickers and blinks. “So, what are you worried about?”
Maggie and Alex exchange that glance again, and Alex leans forward and puts her hand on Kara’s knee.
“Kara, you know I respect you. And I respect your judgment, and I respect your heart. I love what a big heart you have. It’s what makes you a hero. But Kara, I…”
“You’re getting with Mon-El, Little Danvers, even though you really kind of seem to hate him, and that’s… we’re worried about you, Kara. Not because we don’t think you can handle yourself, or because we don’t respect your decisions, but because I… we… we know what it’s like to be with someone because you feel like you have to, not because you really want to.”
Kara nearly chokes on a potsticker, and Alex thumps her back mechanically, her eyes fixed on her sister’s face.
“That’s ridiculous,” she splutters when she finally swallows. “I don’t feel like I have to do anything, I’m Supergirl, I – ”
“Well, Mon-El doesn’t seem to respect that, and you don’t seem to think he does, either.”
“I’ve never told you anything like – what are you talking about, I – ”
“Kara,” Maggie says, her voice soft and her voice full of understanding pain, mixed with the beginnings of ironic humor. “The entire DEO heard you yelling at him. And lemme tell you, for secret agents, your people are pretty terrible at, you know. Keeping secrets.”
Alex mock-glares at Maggie before leveling Kara with a look of significant concern.
“Oh please, Detective, it’s not like any of that was a secret. Kara was shouting what a misogynist, unsupportive, manipulative, disrespectful, gaslighting, mansplaining – ”
“Nice new vocab, Danvers.”
“Thanks babe, I’m trying.”
“Alex, I – ”
“Oh, I’m sorry Kara, did you want me to stop that list?” Alex’s tone, the way she’s caressing Kara’s face, is much softer than her words. “Because I don’t have to. I have more, and they all seem to have come from your mouth in one way or another – ”
“Alex – ”
“And I love you, Kara. I love you, more than anything, more than life itself, so here’s the thing I can’t understand: why are you throwing yourself at this guy when he spends every waking minute trying to stomp all over the powerful woman that you are? It would be like me actually going for Max Lord or something – ”
“You and Maxwell Lord were a thing?”
“Ew, god, no, which is exactly why I can’t understand what you’re thinking, Kara.”
“And she’s not blaming you, Little Danvers, no one’s angry at you – ”
“No, Maggie’s right, I’m not, I just – ”
“We’re just worried, Kara. Your sister loves you, and I’m growing to love you, a lot, and hell, even J’onn asked us – and believe you me, it was as awkward as it sounds – if we could talk to you to make sure you’re really okay, because this is… we’re worried about you, Kara. So are you? Okay?”
Maybe it’s something in Maggie’s soft eyes, or maybe it’s the way Alex is stroking her hair, or maybe it’s the way they’re both going through so much of their own struggles right now, but they’re making it a point to check in with her. Or maybe it’s all of it, everything, the way his hands were too fast and his tongue too eager, the way he’s an okay guy, she supposes, but as a wayward brother or something, not as a lover, but she was so worn down and she’s just so tired and maybe it’s everything, all of it, because Kara breaks.
She breaks into her sister’s arms and immediately she feels the walls of Alex’s love rise up around her, protecting her from all her enemies, protecting her from herself.
Immediately she hears Maggie kneel down in front of the sisters, in front of her Danvers girls, a hand on Alex’s knee and a hand hovering over the small of Kara’s back until Kara nods through her sobbing that Maggie can touch her, of course Maggie can touch her, because god it feels good to be held by two women who love her for exactly who she is, not for what they imagine her to be, what they wish she were.
“I’m so…” She gasps wildly for breath and Alex kisses her forehead, smoothes her hair, rocks her, rocks her, rocks her. “I’m so scared, Alex,” she chokes through her gasping, through her tears.
“Shhh, I know, it’s okay. I’ve got you, Kara. I love you, I love you, shhhhh. Cry it out, Kara, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m here, always. I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.”
Tears bite at Alex’s eyes, and she glances down across Kara’s body to meet Maggie’s, and she’s almost surprised to see tears gleaming in Maggie’s eyes, as well, and she knows it’s not the time, but she also knows, beyond doubt, that she’s in love with her.
Kara grabs at the back of Alex’s sweater and is forcibly reminded of when Cat grabbed at the back of Supergirl’s suit – her suit – and it’s suddenly all too much, suddenly all needs to come out, no matter how scared she is.
Suddenly, she knows she needs to dive.
“I didn’t want to, Alex, I didn’t want to because you were just coming out and I’ve taken so much from you, so much attention, for so many years, I didn’t want to do it again – ”
“Kara, it’s okay, everything’s okay. I’m not angry, I’m not going to be angry, but what… what are you talking about?”
Alex’s face is a map of compassionate confusion and Maggie’s face is a map of compassionate realization, and she glances at Alex because here we go again.
“I was in love with James, so… so in love with him,” Kara gasps, and Maggie nods slowly, and Alex just tries to keep up as she wipes Kara’s running nose with the tissue Maggie passes her.
“And kissing him was nice, it was… he was lovely, he is lovely, and I love him, I do, but it… it didn’t feel… ka-pow.”
Alex smiles uncomprehendingly but supportively, and Maggie smiles knowingly, and they both rub soothing circles onto Kara’s skin as she gathers the courage to continue.
“And I didn’t understand it, I didn’t have to words for it, but then… but then you came out and I was doing research, for you, and I found… I found out that you can be in love, straight love, but not want to have sex with men, be asexual towards men, even though you can be in love with them… and that you can… you can also… at the same time…”
She glances down at Maggie, and Maggie nods slowly at her, a small smile on her lips, because like sister like sister.
“You can also like girls. Women. Romantically. And even sexually.”
Comprehension starts to dawn on Alex’s face now, too, and she gets flashes of Kara spending so many nights crying when Cat left National City, of her terror when Livewire got loose again, because Livewire had tried, so hard, to kill Cat.
Of Kara adjusting her glasses a bit extra whenever Lena came up in conversation.
Of Kara steadfastly refusing to lose faith in Lena, even when everything looked, well, grim.
Of Kara’s desperation to find her. Of her more-than-just-everyday-heroics willingness to die for her. Of her beautifully, passionately written article vindicating her.
“Kara,” is all Alex says, all Alex can say, as she pulls her little sister in closer, closer, closer.
“I’m sorry, Alex,” Kara chokes, pushing back, pushing away, so she can look Alex in the face. “I don’t want to take attention away from your coming out, I don’t… I don’t even know what to label it all, I just know that I… I’m so scared that if I…”
“If you don’t throw yourself into the most easily available thing – if you don’t surrender to the guilt he’s putting you through – you’ll have to confront your feelings for Lena Luthor,” Maggie supplies softly, softly, because Kara is shaking so badly, and Maggie knows that look, knows when someone needs to hear the words before they can say them themselves, and sure enough, when Maggie says it, Kara stops trembling quite so much, and her tears become of the silent variety, and she nods, nods, nods.
“Please don’t be mad,” she whispers to Alex, and Alex does nothing but shake her head and kiss her face, tears and snot and all.
“Kara, listen to me. I need you to really listen, and I need…” She glances down at Maggie as she cups Kara’s cheeks in her hands, and Maggie gives her a small smile. “I need you to really hear me. I would never, ever, ever be mad at you for loving whoever you love. However you love them. Because whoever you love, and whatever kind of love it is, whatever kind of intimacy you want with them? That’s absolutely fine. It’s absolutely perfect. You’re absolutely fine. You’re absolutely perfect. And I would never be angry at you, or disappointed in you, or resentful toward you, for being who you are. I promise. Alright?”
Kara shudders and smiles and reaches for the last of the potstickers.
Alex chuckles and Maggie laughs and Kara chews with a bashful smile.
“Will you help me break up with him? I still care about him, as a person – ”
“We both will, Kara. Whatever you need.”
“You got it, Little Danvers.”
“And then… then maybe you can help me talk to Lena?”
Alex groans with a smile and Maggie laughs and puts both hands on Kara’s thighs as she stands up to slip onto her girlfriend’s mock-traumatized lap.
“Of course we will, Little Danvers. Of course we will.”