Malec fic: Put your head on my shoulder
(Set after 2x12 cause it was too sad so heres fluff
Title and lyrics are from the song by paul Anka
you should listen to it its adorable https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TY4uxdAt4-M)
Alec couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d looked at the man he loved, while he’d been begged to save him. The hateful burning in his eyes as the man he thought to be valentine, begged for help.
“Magnus, I am so sorry. For all you had to go through.” For all I put you through.
The warlock didn’t look up from the floor, whole body sagging in his seat, in absolute exhaustion and pain.
“That agony rune made me relive memories I’ve spent centuries trying to forget.”
Alec took a seat beside him, feeling as if there were a wall between them, one that he’d built with the hands that had shoved Magnus against the wall of Valentines cell.
“Magnus, tell me how to fix this. Just tell me what to do. Please.” Alec wanted to do anything he could to take the pain from Magnus’ eyes, to stop him from hurting. But Magnus only shook his head, sad eyes meeting the shadowhunters, but offering nothing but grief.
Alec fisted his hands against his knees, desperately needing to do something to help. He shifted a little in his seat, feeling restless as he searched for Magnus’ eyes, voice soft and pleading.
“I want to help Mangus, just tell me what you need.”
Magnus looked down at the floor, refusing to look at his boyfriend’s face, as he clasped his ringed hands in front of him. He didn’t want to push Alexander away but if he let him in, the pain would crash over him and he wouldn’t be able to find his way to the surface. The pain that he’d kept away for so long had been released when that agony rune was applied and now his grasp on it was fading.
Alec’s affection would crumble his walls and he’d be in agony all over again.
He could still feel the way Alec had shoved him away, the cold look in his eyes and that hateful curl of his lip. Alec had looked at him as if he were something disgusting and although he knew that hate hadn’t been for him, it still hurt.
His mother had looked at him the same way, when she’d discovered what he was. She saw his eyes and told him he was no son to her, that he was a thing, only deserving of hate. She had refused to touch him again, shoving him away from her as he’d cried out, before she finally left him and ended her life, because of the thing that he was.
He couldn’t shake the pain away, and all he wanted was to be alone, to let the ache rot inside till it consumed him.
The Lightwood knelt in front of him, taking his hands and trying to meet his eyes. Magnus couldn’t look at the misery on his face. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw but he couldn’t block out his words.