But i will never forgive myself
*GIF not mine*
I cant get enough of your Ivar imagines ❤ can I request one where Ivar wakes up in the middle of the night because of the nightmare and his wife comforts him? You rock girl 😙
I bet y’all didn’t see me posting another one this fast 😏
Warnings: except that it’s really short, none
The soft whimpers and pleads falling from his parted lips awoke me from my sleep. As his movements and sound only grew, my worry did as well. Placing a hand on his firm naked chest, the bottom half concealed with fur, i tried to pull him out of his dreams.
“Ivar.” Soft whispers spreading across the big, dim tent we two shared.
His skin glistened whit sweat as his muscles flexed underneath it, and his breathing sounded jagged - panicked almost. He didn’t respond to your calling, his facial expression only looking more distressed and angry.
“Ivar, love, you need to wake up it’s not real.”
It was a rare thing that he dreamt, if he did, and usually it was never a bad one. All the stress these last days had to offer him had surely taken its toll. This new found man, a man they called Heahmund, had been a pain in the ass for our raids lately. He was stronger than we had imagined, more powerful than the other christian “warriors” we had met - and this was plaguing Ivar beyond belief.
My desperate attempts to wake him where still failing, as the nightmare only seemed to worsen. I hated seeing him tormented like this. His legs had tormented him all his early life, but not since he was been able to walk - aided by leg braces. Now i see the same pained expression the boy i used to know had, and it was bothering me relentlessly.
The sudden loud yelling was the only thing that worked, because he awoke with a jolt - his hand clutching around my throat without warning as he squeezed it shut. He was still under a trance from his dream, still not grasping reality. My fingers trying to pry off his strong ones, scratching at them desperately.
He was blocking my channel for air and i could see the edges of my peripheral vision starting to blacken.
“Ivar.” A faint whisper was all i could muster to press out, hoping it was enough to bring him back.
The words had reached their recipient, because his eyes lost their hatred and shifted to confusion. His hand quickly retrieved as he realized what he had done, all the while i was filling my sore lunges with air again.
“No, no, no what did i do.” I could hear his frightened mumbling, even though it was only meant for his ears.
He was staring intensely down at his hands, eyes full of disgust, like they just had betrayed him - or pained someone he loved..
Still a little startled from the unpredicted response i got from him, i swiftly pulled myself together once again. He had never done a single thing to harm me before, never in his most utter outrage even, so to call this unexpected was an understatement.
I laid a careful hand upon the shoulder he had turned to me, concerned i would startle him even more. The body flinched as it came in contact with my fingertips.
“Don’t!” He warned me, and i yanked my slim hand back to my chest.
He rarely raised his voice at me too.
“It’s fine, im okay.” I told him with whispers.
“No it’s not okay y/n, what sort of man hurts the woman he loves? I could have killed you!”
He didn’t look at me as he spoke those words, his eyes remained on the same place as they had for the last few minutes. Shallow sniffles reached my ears, and i understood why he wasn’t looking at me.
Ivar wasn’t a man of affection, and he will probably never be. I was lucky to get a kiss every now and then, or even more rare a “i love you”. So when i first got them, i knew they held a deep meaning for him. Before we truly got together, i remember one of the first things he told me.
“Love makes you weak, but showing emotion makes you weaker.”
I knew i had managed to changed his first statement, but the second one he still believed. There is only one unique time i have actually seen him fell a tear, and it was at his brothers funeral - the one he himself had sent to the afterlife.
I refused to see him tormented no longer, so i reached out to him again, ignoring his attempt to turn me away.
My hand took a hold on his cheek, giving it a push so he would look at me, but he only turned his head forcefully the opposite way. The stubbornness inside me denying this response from him, making me cup his cheeks with both hands and demand him to face me.
I met a pair of lovable familiar baby blues, only they where covered in tears - making them shine more than the pale moon herself. The broken expression glued on his graceful face made my own eyes wet at the sight.
“Oh, Ivar please do not cry.”
I tenderly dried the drops that had escaped down his hot cheek with my thumb.
“I don’t know whats worst, having to watch him kill you painfully and slow in front of me again, or the fact that my own hands almost did the job for him.”
I knew who he was talking about, Heahmund.
He struggled spelling those words as the lump in his throat made it hard for him. Eyes lingered on my throat as his hand reached out to trace the lightly bruised surface formed by it.
“Im sorry.” A sore voice whispered as more tears formed.
I pressed a loving kiss on his lips, empty of other ideas to console him. He returned it faintly, but it was there.
“I forgive you. I forgive you a thousand times and more.”
His tense body eased hearing what i told. My forehead rested on his - my skin greedy after the warm contact.
“But i will never forgive myself.”
Of course he didn’t. He had made a promise to me our first night;
“Even if the gods demanded me to harm a strand of hair on your head, i would defy them.”
He would never forgive himself for breaking that promise.
“Im here, im breathing, and im alive. There’s no use crying over spilled milk, Ivar.”
I forced him to look at me as i told him and watched how his eyes softened. My hands gently caressed both sides of his face, and he basked in the feeling of my comfort. Arms where carefully folded around my waits, like if he did it any faster or harsher i would break. I felt them pull me slowly into his embrace - closing the space between us.
He took a big sniff, catching the scent of my hair as he rested his head in the crook of my neck - the hot breath tickling my skin. Not ever have i seen him so vulnerable, so fragile. The dream must really have been a horrible one to make him act like a frightened child in my arms.
His arms where still strong around me as i gingerly started to lay back into bed, taking him with me. I let his exhausted head rest upon my chest as my fingers absentmindedly combed through his hair and scalp - gentle humming filling the tent.
It seemed to be enough to put him back to dearly needed sleep, the steady exhaling fanning over my skin indicating so. My heavy eyelids where winning the battle as i tried to keep myself awake for his sake, but the sound of his breathings and the feeling of his strong arms protecting me was simply a too great a lullaby.
I pressed one single kiss on his head, before i let sleep wash over me - joining him into a deep slumber for a second time.