and if you think i'm joke you don't know me at all

3

i understand. you found paradise in tumblr. you had some good posts, you made a good blog, the blacklist protected you and the tags were plentiful. you didn’t need a friend like me. but now you come to me and you say “outofcontextarthur, they’re not monkeys, muffy was a hippo”. but you don’t ask with respect. you don’t offer friendship. you don’t even think to call me godfather. instead, you come into my blog on the day my daughter is to be married and y

Reasons why I love Static

A good hero works well with others

Look at how the other heroes smile at him, they are genuinely happy to meet him. When Superman saves him, he isn’t upset. He’s happy. He asked to be saved and he was

And it’s not the last time either. You see it here

and here

he works well with the justice league members even though his interactions with them are rare and in between.

He’s literally never afraid to ask them for help

I mean, look at that. He made the bat signal, he was outright asking for help as publicly as he ever could.

and in “Fallen hero” when he thought Green Lantern really had become evil…

Just look at his face. He is shocked. He can’t believe one of his heroes would do this, he tried to figure out why, tried to come up with a reason to explain it, so it would make sense.

And the moment Sinestro, disguised as Green Lantern, hurt Gear. He knew it was true, and he’s horrified that the person he looked up to did this and he’s angry, angry that he didn’t see this.

Static knows when to fight

but he also knows when someone just needs a helping hand

and sure, he jokes around

but he also knows how important the work he does is

Originally posted by zoo-monkey

and he also knows what happens if he messes up

His family knows what it is he does and they all support him in whatever way they can.

and that’s why I love Static shock. Yes, they touched upon some serious issues

they didn’t dumb it down for the audience, or treat the issues with kiddie gloves, they addressed the issues and those were also the same episodes that they broke the fourth wall. Dyslexia, gun control, gang violence, racism. They didn’t pull their punches on this show.

They showed us a still very much grieving teenager who almost joins a gang in the first episode, who gets powers that he uses to protect other people without a moment of hesitation, not even thinking of getting revenge on his bullies. Even as a superhero, he still volunteers at the community center his dad runs.

Yes, Virgil makes mistakes, he’s still a kid after all, but he’s so genuinely kind and sincere that we can’t help but love him.

Originally posted by staticshockyoursystem

I don’t know if it actually is Static shock appreciation week officially, but it is for me

Originally posted by staticshockyoursystem

and, because I can’t help myself

Originally posted by staticshockyoursystem

anonymous asked:

Hi Alice, odd question but: Do you believe asexuals belong in the LGBT community? I have a friend who identifies this way, but as a trans girl, I'm struggling to understand how she has to go through the same things as an LGBT person by being asexual. And struggle aside, I don't even see how asexuality is THAT different from heterosexuality, just with more... hesitation!? Maybe this sounds rude, but I know you've written about asexual people etc, and I wondered what you thought. No shade intended

Hi there. I’m glad you reached out to me about this because you must have really upset your friend by saying stuff like this to them.

It’s easy to see why not only cishet people, but also LGBT+ people, think that asexuality is fake. The world is awash with sex and sexual attraction. It’s everywhere. And everyone is supposed to want it and feel it. It’s so extremely normalised that the idea that someone could be literally UNABLE to feel sexual attraction is, to many people, absolutely bizarre and a joke.

Even if you acknowledge that asexuality is real, it’s also easy to see why you would be so quick to reject and get angry at asexual people who call themselves LGBT+. Because asexual people are not like you, are they. Unless they are trans, asexuals don’t have gender troubles, and unless they experience same-gender romantic attraction, asexuals don’t experience same-gender attraction! Lesbian, bi, gay etc people can all be joined together in their experience of same gender attraction, and all trans folks, binary and non binary, can be joined together in their experience of feeing a disconnect from their assigned birth gender.

The result? No one wants asexuals near them. People can’t relate. No one else feels the way asexuals do and people don’t think they should be part of the group. They’re not the same as you.

But oh god, they are not allowed in the cishet club either.

The first thing you need to try and unlearn is that asexuality is in any way similar to heterosexuality. It’s not. It’s so, so fucking not. It’s painful how different it feels to be asexual compared to being heterosexual. Telling an ace person that asexuality isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’ is about as accurate as saying being gay isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’. Being asexual means you do not experience sexual attraction, ever. EVER. And while that might seem easy to you, it’s an extremely painful and terrifying thing to learn about yourself, in a world where everyone is expected to have an array of sexual experiences, fall in love, get married, and anyone who doesn’t do that is strange and a freak.

Learning you are asexual can be terrifying. When you realise you’ve never had a crush, when all your friends have had ten each, you are terrified. When you pass the age where people have started dating and having sex and you still feel nothing - NOTHING - you are terrified. When you think about ever falling in love and the idea disgusts you, or you think about falling in love and you crave it, god you CRAVE it, but you know you can’t ever feel that, you are terrified. When you realise you will never be able to enjoy a normal romantic/sexual relationship, the ones full of passion like you see in the movies, and people will reject you because you can’t fancy them in that way, and there’s a higher chance for you than anyone else that you will simply die alone, without love, without children - you are terrified.

You think being ace is the same as heterosexuality? You think it’s an easy thing to learn about yourself? Explain the terror, then. I’m all ears.

The fact you see asexuality as 'hesitation’ is really horrifying to me. Asexuals aren’t attracted to the opposite gender but 'hesitant’ to act on it. Asexuals DO NOT feel attraction. To anyone. It’s not a choice. It’s not a way of life. It’s not the same as celibacy out of choice, or being a 'prude’, or waiting till marriage. It is ingrained in you, just like being gay is, just like being trans is. It is a part of you that no matter how hard you try to will it away, no matter how hard you try to persuade yourself otherwise, you cannot help it. You DO NOT feel attracted to ANYONE.

And in saying all this, I fully acknowledge that asexuals do not experience the extent of oppression that other LGBT+ folks do. There are no laws regarding asexuality. Lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and other LGBT+ folks no doubt experience a higher level and intensity of systematic oppression to asexuals, more frequently go through hard experiences due to their orientation or gender. But since when did being LGBT+ become a competition for 'who’s the most oppressed’? Is that what LGBT+ is? You’re only allowed in the club if you’re 'oppressed enough’? If you’re 'gay enough’? If you’re 'trans enough’?

If you need persuading that asexuals do experience their own form of oppression, though, consider the number of asexuals who are coerced into sex in order to 'fix’ them. Consider the emotional pain that I have already discussed, of feeling that there is something fundamentally wrong and gross about you because you feel attracted to no one. Consider the number of asexuals who are hounded or emotionally abused by their families for failing to find partners. Consider the number of asexuals who force themselves to have sexual experiences, because it is the norm, because they don’t even know what asexuality is, because THEY think that they are just 'hesitant’, despite finding sex disgusting and feeling no desire to do it. Do you really think asexuals are just running around, free and happy and content in who they are? They aren’t. I’m not.

So go ahead. Cast aside asexuals if you want. Call them attention-seeking, call them special snowflakes. Ignore the pain they feel. Make them go through it alone, in pain, terrified of what they are. Why on earth would the LGBT+ community be a place to support people like that!?

Messages like the one you have just sent me gives me further reason to never talk about that part of myself. To just sit and cry about it at home day after day because I do not like myself. Because I feel that nobody will accept me or understand who I am. I could list the number of things people have said to me to discredit and laugh at this part of myself, but it’s people like you who make me embarrassed to talk about it, too scared to own a label and talk about it freely and openly.

I thought, going into this, that the LGBT+ community was one of total respect, understanding, and empathy. I learnt pretty quickly that it is not.

I send love to your asexual friend. I really, really do.

Disclaimer: I am very aware of the nuances of asexuality, of the differences between romantic/aesthetic/sexual attraction, but sadly it seems that many people can’t even grasp the basic concept of asexuality, so I don’t quite think they’re ready for that yet.

anonymous asked:

"crazy detention stories"...go

They’re really not that crazy I don’t think but fine- but as I had detention at least once a week for 3 years you’re only getting the highlights here:

  • So again, I only ever got detentions because I was late to school basically every day. Every single day, the office wrote me a late slip with my name spelled horrendously wrong. Different spelling every day. The most famous butchering was writing my name as “Millie Hoagie”. On my very last day of high school, I was predictably late, and they spelled my name perfectly correctly.
  • So listen my ‘reputation’ in school was basically “quiet good girl who’s never done anything wrong, ever, in her life” and “teacher’s pet” and the like. And despite the fact I was there every time all the ‘Bad Kids™’ who were also always in detention were always incredibly surprised to see me??? Like they never got over it. Every time I walked into the damn room at least half the class would be like “MOLLY YOU DON’T BELONG HERE YOU’RE INNOCENT!!” 😂
  • Also despite the fact I was basically invisible in the school as a whole all the trouble makers knew me by name because, and I quote a kid from my 10th grade Spanish class who was trying to hook up with me at the time here, “Guys like me are afraid of you, Girl, we’re just plain out scared that we gonna corrupt you!” and I still don’t know what he actually meant by that???
  • Bu anyway, this apparent rep usually gave me an upper hand with the teachers monitoring the detentions. Because, you know, some were fine, some were bitchy, some were insane. But all of them were pissed about the fact they had to be there instead of heading home.
  • The rules of detention were literally just ‘stare at the wall and don’t talk’, depending on which teacher they might let the students do homework. But since I was apparently a great person and always had the class’ incredulous response to me being in the room, they usually let me get away with sleeping or reading a book lol.
  • Of course…no one said any of the other kids were inclined to following the rules lmao. These were like, all the class clowns™ shoved into one room. Things always got real funny real fast.
  • It would always start off with the coughing game. If you’ve ever stepped into a school you should know what that is.
  • It would then escalate to everyone in the room playing catch whenever the teacher looked away for a brief moment
  • Detention was always in the health classroom so someone always tried to steal a limb off the skeleton without being to obvious
  • Some teachers would let people talk ‘quietly’ so jokes were fucking abound
  • One time I was minding my own damn business and a kid slides me a note saying ‘in like five minutes ask to go to the bathroom but head downstairs to the English wing’ before he snuck out without the teacher noticing. I get down there and he’s at one end of the hallway and another boy is at the other end. Upon seeing me, these boys run full speed down the hall at each other, leap up in the air when they get to the direct center, high five with full force, both scream in pain, and then hit the floor, clutching their hands. I was cracking the fuck up and trying to convince them to go to the nurse but they wouldn’t listen. I asked the guy why the hell they did that. He told me ‘because we wanted a witness and no one will ever believe you’ 😂😂
  • One time my sorta-neighbor Mike comes in and the teacher asked why he had detention and apparently, the principal had asked him where to find his friend Jose, and Mike responded “he’s out picking cotton” and the principal flipped out at what he perceived to be a racist joke and gave him a month detention. But the thing was, Jose was in an agriculture class and he was literally outside picking cotton that they had planted there earlier. Jose found it fucking hilarious and refused to tell the principal to get his friend out of trouble.
  • As I haven’t been inside a school building for quite some time now I don’t know if turtling is still a thing but it was…quite an epidemic for my senior class.
  • It’s when you turn someone’s backpack inside out right? But it was a full blown war with these kids. Trust no one. Never leave the room. Never look away. Holy shit. One of the best moments of this occurred in detention, when a boy reached to get a book out of his backpack to find it was gone. After 15 minutes of searching the room, he found it, turtled, hidden in a filing cabinet in the front of the room. Everyone, including the teacher, was loosing their shit, because how did someone pull that off so quietly and invisibly without someone noticing??? No one fessed up. The class was in fear of the turtle ninja for the rest of the month, but they never struck again. No one ever discovered who it was.
  • Guys: It was me.
  • One time it was raining and the teacher was in a bad mood so he insisted all the windows stay open. He left for a bathroom break or something and this one poor kid, who was now completely soaked as he was stuck with a window seat, just said “fucking bye” and just…climbed out the damn window. Left his backpack and everything. Didn’t see him again for at least a month.
  • There was one guy who always sold ice cream out of his bag when the teachers weren’t looking. Where he was getting it from and how it stayed frozen is beyond me.
  • Oh my God sometimes all the indie singer kids would just come and sit on the floor outside the classroom and talk loudly to annoy us??? The hell were they trying to accomplish??? Your singing ain’t special and you won’t be famous, please let us die in peace.
  • One kid had detention because when we were running laps in gym class he jumped up to hit the arch of the ceiling and accidentally set off the fire alarm. The teacher that day insisted on continuously referring to him as ‘the delinquent’, as if no one else in the room had broken the rules or something
  • One time one of the gym teachers was in charge of it and long story short he started doing the jersey turnpike. True horror.
  • One time the teacher got a call and she had to go down to the office and the second she was gone this one kid’s friend runs in with a huge tray going “Y’ALL I STOLE THE LASAGNE CUPCAKES FROM THE FOOD AND NUTRITION CLASSROOM” and we dined like kings.
  • Everyone would sometimes just break out in song for no God damn reason
  • One time one of the guys in charge of the detention was A) Not someone anyone recognized as a teacher and B) Potentially Stanley Tucci. Like…I was about 80% certain that this guy was Stanley Tucci.
  • He refused to confirm or deny or even give a name
  • One time I was really absorbed in my book when all the sudden a letter flew onto my desk, an anonymous sender that just said “You have a soft, sexy voice.” Neither of which is true, I’m pretty sure, and I could not for the life of me figure out who sent it omfg
  • One time a teacher was freaking out because he went to a psychic over the weekend and was told there was a lot of activity around him so I looked him straight in the eyes and told him I’m a medium and I can see that the devil had marked his soul and he threw me out of the room and refused to take that class for detention ever again😂
  • It was a hot summers day. The ceiling fans were on their highest setting. A boy nudges me, with a small carton of ice cream in his hands under his desk. “What do you think would happen if I scooped out a huge chunk of this and threw it at the fan?” he whispered. “Jamil, no.” I pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears. Soon, the room was filled with confused screams.
  • Apparently all the other regulars™ had bought me candy grams around Christmas time so they were confused when I showed up to detention with no candy and apparently the student council member sent them all to the other Molly in the grade because she was the popular one and this lead to about 12 boys grumbling for two and a half hours like “The one damn time I attempt to be a gentleman” and “I know where she lives” and “Gonna gingerbread her fucking locker” I could not stop laughing
  • Oh God okay one time the teacher we had was literally. Off the charts.
  • Like there’s the chill teachers, and then the bitchy teachers. And then this lady. She literally reminded me of Stubel
  • So I didn’t even know who she was but I walk in and do my shy smile/quiet ‘hello’ thing and take out my book so she immediately zeros in on me as ‘the good kid’ as usual
  • But she literally seemed to think every other person in this class was a hardened criminal holy shit. She was all over the place barking orders and yelling. And of course, you’ve got a room full of class clowns, like they feed off teachers like this. So the madder she got the more ridiculous they got. I was literally almost in tears trying to force myself not to laugh because I didn’t want to risk her turning on me omfg
  • So she yelled and flailed about the room and they kept going with jokes and paper wasps and lying about their names and just doing literally every thing they could possibly do so this woman wouldn’t have the chance to rest
  • This escalated with every minute and came to a resounding end when the teacher decided the Australian Kid™ was chewing gum and picked up the trashcan and shoved his face in it, screaming at him to spit it out as he yelled back “YOU’RE ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE IM AN IMMIGRANT
  • he was in charge of all the bullshit that day and it was hysterical but he wasn’t the one chewing gum loudly that was me
  • The vp came in to see what all the yelling was about to find a teacher shoving a boy’s head in the trash, one boy shirtless as another drew tattoos on him, the phone off the line with it’s cord wrapped around a kid’s neck, two boys dueling with skeleton arms, one kid with her leg out the window, a kid tying a skeleton foot to the ceiling fan, rubber bands and paper wasps flying from every angle, three people turtling backpacks, someone brandishing an epi-pen, sexual hangman being played on the chalkboard, someone eating ice cream and fanning himself with money, and me, crying into my book with my hand literally bleeding from all my efforts to not laugh at what I was witnessing
  • We never saw her in detention again😂
  • My one younger friend got a detention for being late and was really shaken up about it and I tried to tell her she’d be fine but then she got caught sliding me chocolate animal crackers during it, and subsequently got another detention because of this; somehow I was not viewed as an equally guilty party and didn’t get in trouble
  • This one guy came in complaining “You guys all told me to get a twitter and I get thrown in twitter jail my first day!” “That’s like a thousand tweets in one day, how the fuck did you mange that?” “Bitch I had a lot to say about McDonalds!”
  • One teacher came in and was like “I don’t feel like helping with homework but does anyone wanna learn how to hack a computer?”
  • Someone got caught pouring water out the window but when the teacher looked to see why she saw the youngest of the goats™ standing under the window with it’s mouth open waiting for more
  • One time the teacher wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom and after I asked for like the 5th time he said “It can’t be that important!” so I just pulled a pad out of my backpack and silently sat it on my desk while glaring at him and this 40 year old man looked like he was about to pass out and he finally let me go
  • I remember our final detention of senior year we were told that if we skip it we can’t graduate so everyone went into that room with a ridiculously nostalgic attitude and one guy finally stole the skull off the skeleton and we fucking tossed it around the entire time while singing and blatantly ignoring the teacher’s complaining lmao
  • I know there’s more but it’s 7am and this is long so all in all like…I do not miss high school but some memories are bearable lmao

“Watch your head, Krav,” says Magnus.

“You’re taller than I am,” Kravitz points out, amused, but he ducks as he moves into Magnus’s study. 

The scent of fresh-brewed tea and scones waft with them up the stairs. Higher in the house pervades the scent of raw wood, lending the top floor a permanent earthy smell, accompanied nicely by the food cooking downstairs. There’s another picture on the wall. It’s tucked between the image of Taako and Kravitz on their wedding day and Carey and Killian on theirs. (Magnus was best man for both.) The new one is of Angus, playing catch with Magnus: it’s composed of thick, dark strokes, clearly sketched in Lucretia’s hand, and the frame is of hand-wrought oak, the same oak of the trees surrounding Magnus’s home.

“Here we go!” Magnus says, retrieving the letter with a pleased a-ha!, and handing the letter to Kravitz. “For Julia.”

Kravitz accepts the letter with a reassuring nod, tucks it in the pocket of his suit. There are creases around the corners of this pocket where he’s tucked a letter in there hundreds of times before.  

Angus is teaching Magnus to write more neatly, to line his letters correctly, where to use commas and where to use periods instead. Kravitz never reads Magnus’s letters, but Angus tells him that Magnus makes excellent progress. 

The invitations to his and Taako’s wedding were written in Magnus’s own, painstaking hand.

Magnus shuts the drawer and says, almost absently, “Tell her I love her, okay?”

Kravitz pauses, debating. He takes a deep breath. “Magnus,” he says, and Magnus, detecting the shift in his tone, looks up immediately. “You know that she already knows, right? She knows that you love her,” Kravitz says gently. “You do tell her every time.”

Magnus chuckles, rubbing a sheepish hand along the back of his neck. “I know,” he says, turning a bit pink. “I just - I love her, you know? I really do. And I guess, when you love someone, you want to tell them that every chance you get.”

Kravitz thinks of Taako. Kravitz finds himself nodding, then finds himself blushing as well at Magnus’s knowing look. “I suppose you’re right,” Kravitz concedes.

Magnus smiles, gaze drifting to the picture-laden wall. The entire wall is pocketed with dozens of pictures of his family, all smiling back at him. “I can’t wait to tell her myself,” he says, voice wistful.

Kravitz stiffens. He struggles to find words. “Magnus….”

The hesitation in Kravitz’s tone breaks Magnus out of his reverie, and he laughs. “Don’t worry, Krav. I don’t look forward to dying anymore,” he says, and gestures around his home with one hand, the other clasping his Stone of Farspeech, a small smile suffusing his face. The smell of tea and scones drifts lightly around them, the burnished afternoon light cheery as it dapples off the wall. “I’ve got too much to live for.”

“Good,” Kravitz says, and means it. Magnus slings a companionable arm over his shoulder as they head back down the stairs, and after so long in the man’s company it’s a comfortable weight.

“Do make sure you tell her though, yeah?”

Kravitz laughs, a glint of humor in his eye. “Ten years and I’ve never failed you once,” he says, and Magnus chuckles at that.

“I know, I know,” he says, and his smile softens. “But I can’t tell her myself, so I’m entrusting it to you.”

He pats Magnus’s hand reassuringly as they reenter the kitchen. “Okay,” Kravitz promises, smiling quietly. “I will.”


Taako doesn’t believe in words. Words are too easily manipulated, he claims, and his manner of speaking reflects that: he is flippant, his inflections curling up with indifference. It’s not often that he makes promises or declarations with solemnity. 

So when he says I love you Kravitz treasures it, not because it is a sacrifice, but because it is an absolute truth - it’s an admission of trust, that Taako loves him enough to hand over a part of his very soul and know that Kravitz will care for it, gently.

For a while Kravitz wondered, because Taako doesn’t say it often - not nearly as often as Magnus, who says it every time Kravitz retrieves this month’s letter. Then he realized: Taako cooks. He says I love you all the time; he just doesn’t use words. His affection goes into the pot roast that Magnus marks as his favorite, the perfectly-grilled salmon that Kravitz loves, the oolong-and-scones for Merle and the cinnamon-chocolate cookies for his sister, because Lup loves peanut butter but Barry is allergic.

In this regard, Kravitz is more similar to Magnus than he thought. Magnus, brave and brash Magnus - when he’s not crushing people in an embrace, or slinging a casual arm around them, or letting them rest a head on his shoulder, or pulling them into a noogie reminiscent of a bear’s iron grasp - sticks with his tried-and-true “I love you,” which he says with such painful earnestness that he leaves no room for doubt. 

Where Magnus says those three words, Kravitz says “Thank you.”

Thank you, to Taako, for the salmon. Thank you, to Lup and Barry, for a tirade of relentless jokes after a long week of reaping. Thank you, to Merle, for the nuggets of wisdom he dispels and the return of Kravitz’s green thumb. Thank you, to Magnus, for the hand-crafted piano that is their living room’s crowning jewel.


Magnus’s wall is full, now. His pictures spill over to the opposite wall, ringing the window that leads to the field outside, where Angus and Johann scamper around the yard. The most recent addition is a group photo of the Starblaster crew at Merle’s beach bar. Twenty years after the Day of Story and Song, Lucretia and Davenport are arm-in-arm.

He hands Kravitz a letter. His handwriting is smoother these days, but he retains the thick lines that demonstrate just how similarly Magnus wields a pen and an axe. Before Magnus can say anything, Kravitz stops him.

“Thank you,” he says.

Magnus looks up, a smile on his face that suggests he knows exactly what Kravitz means. “What for?”

And Kravitz says, simply: “Everything.”


Magnus dies surrounded by family, smiling.

In the white space between life and death, Kravitz steps forward and outstretches an arm. Magnus accepts it gratefully. He’s as young as the day Kravitz first met him.

Kravitz leads him beyond, gently, easing the passing as much as he can. Magnus slings an arm around Kravitz’s shoulder as they go. They step onto an island, a cottage that is familiar to Kravitz. Kravitz can hear barking inside, as he always does, and Magnus steps forward, about to rush in, and -

stops.

“Kravitz.”

Kravitz turns. “Yes?”

Magnus looks at the cottage for a long, long moment. Already, his eyes grow red, and Kravitz feels his own prickle sympathetically. Then he reaches into his jacket and pulls out a sheath of letters. After so long, the words are perfectly-formed. He hands them to Kravitz. 

“You know what to do, my friend.”

Taako, says the first letter. Then, as Kravitz shuffles through the stack: Merle. Lucretia. Angus. Lup. Barry. Davenport. And at the bottom: Kravitz.

When Kravitz is confident he can speak without choking up, he says, “I’ll send these along.”

“Thank you.”

Kravitz laughs, quietly. “Of course, Magnus.”

Magnus watches him for a long moment, then steps forward and pulls him into an embrace.

Kravitz returns it gratefully. This is certainly not goodbye, but it’s melancholic all the same. 

Magnus’s voice is almost small. “Tell them I love them, okay?”

We already know, Kravitz thinks. He thinks of the wall full of photos, the ever-present scent of homemade food in Magnus’s house, the vines curling up the woodwork. He thinks of the sketch of Julia, sketched in thick, dark strokes, that was created on their wedding day by a woman with curly black hair but a hood tight over her head. He thinks of the thumbtack under which Magnus has pinned every single one of Davenport’s postcards. He thinks of the second stack of letters Magnus keeps tucked right next to Julia’s, addressed in the same small, neat hand that taught Magnus how to write.

But he says none of that. Instead, he nods.

“Okay,” Kravitz promises, smiling quietly. “I will.”

Tower of Dawn

     So I think it’s time this fandom had a sit-down and talked some things out. Today’s topic: ableism. Before all of y’all start jumping on me and dismissing me and trying to say I have no right to talk about this, let me tell you a bit about myself.

     I was born with spina bifida. For those of you that don’t know that is, it’s when a baby’s spinal chord and nerves don’t develop properly. I had my first surgery to help this condition when I was eight days old. The excess amount of scar tissue in my lower back had begun to wrap around my spinal chord, which for obvious reasons is dangerous. I had the same surgery when I was four years old, and that’s when my life changed forever. I’d been able to walk before using a leg brace, but due to a mistake by the surgeon, my left leg was left paralyzed. I was a normal (and I hate using the word normal here, normal is an absolutely useless construct of society, but for lack of a better word at the moment, bear with me) kid, mobile and able to move around as I pleased, and then I couldn’t. I’ve been using a wheelchair since then. I’m not telling you guys this because I want pity. I don’t. I’ve accepted it as part of my life, and I love myself just the way I am. This little explanation is here so you guys can understand exactly where I’m coming from when you read the rest of this post. So with all this in mind, here goes my not-so-little rant.

     DISCLAIMER: I will be calling people out in this post and tagging them because I am done. 1000%, completely fucking done with this fandom. And if this causes a shitstorm, fuck it, because this needs to be said and this fandom needs to learn to stop being hypocritical pieces of crap.

     I love these books. I love Sarah’s writing in general,  and I would read literally anything she wrote. These books, Aelin’s story, Feyre’s story, are so important to me. I don’t have words to describe how much they mean to me. I love talking about them and healthy and constructive conversations about them. And some of the jokes that have been made  by the fandom are some of favorites. I’ve made some of them myself. I’ll joke alongside all of you about wingspans and gold nightgowns for as long as you want.

     I want to make something perfectly clear: this rant is in no way a reflection of my thoughts about her books. This post is exclusively about the fandom’s disgusting behavior.

     So let’s start with this post that I saw earlier.



     Disability is not kinky.

     For those of you that can’t understand that, let me repeat it.

     Disability is not kinky.

     DISABILITY. IS. NOT. KINKY.

     This whole post is horrifyingly ableist. And before you guys start claiming that “I have disabled relatives, I can’t be ableist!” (@rowan-stole-my-heart, I’m looking at you. Remember that conversation last year? Nice to know you’re still disgusting), that’s like saying “I have African-American friends, therefore I can’t be racist!”, which is such an inherently flawed line of arguing that it would require a whole other post to address, so I’ll just say don’t try it. I can’t even begin to fathom the mental process all of these people went through to think that this was even remotely acceptable in any way, shape, or form, so let me break this down and explain to you why this isn’t.

     This, my horrifyingly inconsiderate friends, is a form of fetishism. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, fetishism is the pathological displacement of erotic interest and satisfaction to a fetish. Now that you know what that is, let’s move on.

     This whole fandom has been complaining about a lack of diversity in Sarah’s books since I joined the fandom. Diversity doesn’t just mean POC, which is exactly what this fandom conveniently forgets. Diversity includes POC, people with mental illness, people with physical disability, LGBT+ people, and so much more. And when Sarah finally adds someone who embodies a slice of that diversity, you all have the gall to reduce his situation to sex jokes. All I can say is how dare you. How dare you reduce someone’s life and reality to a kink, to something to be made fun of, to something that spices up your dash and makes it NSFW just because you wanted to make fun of a book cover you probably weren’t satisfied with. In doing so you are insulting the thousands upon thousands of people that are in the same situation. You’re reducing them – reducing me – to a fantasy that you can use and then dismiss the next moment, without regard for anyone’s feelings. Do you have any idea how difficult of a topic sex is for people with disabilities? We are laughed at for wanting sex. Our anxiety when it comes to that is ten times that of any able-bodied person, simply because we don’t fit into the box that society wants to shove everyone into. And you’re making it that much worse because you have the audacity to think the fact that someone can’t move their legs is funny.

     It hurts. Reading that post hurt like hell. Because in your eyes – in society’s eyes – people like me aren’t human. We’re just something to ride, right? Yeah, I didn’t miss that little gem of a comment, @readinglikewildfire.

     And because I know this is coming, no, Chaol isn’t just a character.

     But you know what, I get it. It’s just sex, right? A small joke made, no harm done.

     Wrong.

     You’re perpetuating yet another harmful concept cooked up by a disgustingly ableist society. Sorry, but your privilege and utter ignorance are showing. I will concede a bit and agree that we can treat fiction for what it is – something that isn’t real – up to a certain point. But you guys just crossed a line. For those of you saying that you feel guilty for laughing, you absolutely fucking should, because this shit isn’t funny.

     The fact is if that post had been making fun of race or mental illness, then the fandom would have ripped these people to shreds and they would have been reported many, many times over. But it’s not, and instead I can count on my fingers the number of people that stood up to say this was wrong, because it’s just another wheelchair joke, right? Who cares? To those that did, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, especially @throne-of-omg-the-feels and @midnight-wonder.​ It’s nice to know there’s still some hope for humanity left. And to @nerdperson524, I agree with you. People do need a laugh, even those that live their lives stuck in chairs. But that post? It’s downright offensive.

     So that’s it. I’m done blowing things out of proportion, as some of you will say. If you think I should have approached you privately and messaged you about this instead of publicly calling you out, then maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t have PUBLICLY insulted mocked degraded an entire subset of the human population. And maybe that makes me a bad person. It certainly means I’m not being the bigger person. And I could honestly care less. I am tired. So sick and tired of constantly being the bigger person, of just staying quiet when I see things like this because what’s the use? The entire world is filled with this shit and it’s not like I can fight every time I see this kind of injustice. Nothing’s going to change, no matter what I do. But this? This is where I draw the line. Congratulations.


@crochanblackbeak @feysandsmut @the-bookish-soul @rowan-buzzard-whitethorn @abraxoswyvernnn @carrion-princess

Hogwarts Headcannons
  • Give me Dean, muggleborn that he is, imitating Steve Irwin in Care of Magical Creatures class, much to everyone's confusion except for Harry and Hermione who are. On the ground. Unable to breathe. And refusing to explain why.
  • Give me Harry, demisexual that he is, realizing that the reason he can't stop obsessing over Draco is because Draco is the one who saw - and subsequently disliked - 'Harry', and not The Boy Who Lived. Realizing that Draco was the only one to first talk to him for HIM, in that robe shop, and not his parents or fame (because even Ron and Hermione did that at first). And thus, leading to him randomly starting crying in the middle of lunch and claiming he's doomed, much to everyone's fear.
  • Give me Seamus, pyro that he is, super happy one Christmas when Hermione buys him a book on fire caution, flammable materials, and elements such as magnesium. Thus afterward, the mysterious fires that have always happened are far more safe and controlled.
  • Give me Luna, wonderful airhead that she is, being stared at as, calm as anything, she waltzes right into the Slytherin common room and starts talking to the mermaids like its absolutely normal. A first year drops a book he's staring so hard, because HOW DID SHE KNOW THE PASSWORD. Draco just sighs, gets up, goes over to her, and offers her tea.
  • Give me Draco. Who looks on as Neville offers Harry rhubarb pie that he made himself, as Harry stares forlornly at his Treacle Tart, and makes and annoyed sound. "Dammit Longbottom he hates bittersweets." The Slytherins stare and Pansy just mutters "How do you even know these things. Merlin, help him realize."
  • Give me Parvati, who is being constantly mistaken for her sister by Ron, who panics and screams "IM A LESBIAN" when it gets to be too much.
  • Give me Ron, who stares wide-eyed from a distance whenever he sees Padma from that moment on for a full week, until Padma flips out too and hexes him. Parvati awkwardly wonders why Ron starts getting scared whenever she tries to approach from then on, since she knows Ron doesn't have problems due to that sort of thing from how he handles Harry.
  • Give me the thirty or so of the school's Muggle-raised, who made the mistake of showing their folks howlers, and react accordingly whenever one of the families sends one that is just a recording of Rick Astley, or High School Musical, or spoilers for Doctor Who. And the Wizard-raised just... staring... in fear... watching their savior and multiple other students as they run around screaming and crying in an absolute panic for some reason even though it was a different student that got the weird howler.
  • Give me Harry, whose hair surprises people by being dark red like his mother's when in direct sunlight. And usually at the Weasley den they're inside, but one day Harry joins them outside for a picnic, and Molly is so confused about where Harry went to then has do do a mental tally of her children.
  • Give me George, who in the midst of the final battle, hit Lucius with an Anaticula curse, so that every spell he tries makes a duck instead. And the Death Eaters are just so confused. "Lucius... is that a duck?"
  • Give me the Gryffindor common room. The new first years suggest Monopoly for game night. The entire room goes dead silent. One first year tries to ask what they did wrong. "Never mention that game again," is the only response they get. "But why-" "NEVER TALK ABOUT SIXTH YEAR. WE NEVER TALK ABOUT SIXTH YEAR." Their brave upperclassman Neville yells, trembling. Hermione starts crying. Harry goes into a panic attack. Ron whispers, "There are many reasons we don't talk about sixth year. If The Incident had been the only thing that happened, we would only not talk about The Incident. Many things happened that year. Thus, we do not speak of that year, or of that game."
  • Give me McGonagall, who struggles to control the cat population, because while students are told to have their cats fixed you know not all 100 students that brought cats did so. Her curling up around a litter that lost their mother to illness. Training them to stalk the corridors. Albus had his ways of getting information, and hers is the spy network of cats.
  • Give me muggleborns singing everything from Phantom of the Opera to Katy Perry in the corridors. Singing We Will Rock You to a pureblood who disses them for it. The purebloods thinking the weird songs and their tunes are some kind of Rite of Passage and fleeing whenever a muggleborn student starts singing. Altering song lyrics. "I throw my ferret in the air some-times, singin EEEEEEEYO, this is DRAAAAAACO!"
  • Give me muggleborns that are really confused about the whole quill instead of pens things, throwing transfigured pokeballs in Care of Magical Creatures, the band students bringing kazoos and harmonicas and the wizard-raised students that are just so confused as to how those things even work, because it must be some sort of air magic, right??
  • Give me muggleborns making entire conversations out of pop culture references specifically to confuse some Slytherin who just called one girl a Mudblood. "These are not the droids you were looking for." "I'm right on top of that now Rose, I promise." -jazz hands-
  • Give me muggleborns with Patronus that are things like Pikachu, velociraptors, the quiet Canadian transfer student with a moose patronus the size of a SMALL HOUSE, the one whose is a angeled-out Castiel, the one whose patronus is the democrat donkey and another the republican elephant and the two, previously best friends, become mortal enemies rivaling the fame of Harry and Draco.
  • Give me muggleborns hugging each other before break, promising to 'call' each other, trading weird codes, how they can't wait to go for 'sushi' or planning that trip together to 'disneyland' where they can go flying?? But no one's allowed magic?? Or flying?? And the wizard-raised think that somehow, shockingly, these children totally new to our world have developed a way to cheat the system??
  • Give me muggleborns who are fully aware that the anti-tech wards were made when, like, radios barely even existed, much less cellphone towers and microprocessors, so while they can't turn them on inside the stone school walls there's this group that Harry joins constantly that just sit there in silence staring at these tiny things and sometimes randomly laughing hysterically, and every now and then standing and just running all the way across to the other side of the lake all at the same time with no signal whatsoever. The purebloods are terrified of this frequent happening.
  • Give me Harry, Hermione, Dean, and Justin from the D.A, muggleborns they are, doing a movie night every week to help the D.A. relax and bond. They re-start this after the battles, during eighth year, with several other people such as the returned Slytherins joining in. The entire year they play things like Tangled, The Breakfast Club, Brave, Lion King. But then the last four weeks, they announce they don't want to mislead everyone that everything is all fun and rainbows. The last four movies are My Sister's Keeper, The Shining, Marley and Me, and for the last week, a marathon of the entire Jurassic Park series.
  • Give me Hufflepuffs, who secretly are very relieved to be the 'normal' House. Jocks over there, know-it-alls over there, goth wannabees over there, now lets go camp out by the kitchens we're gonna need it to survive the next seven years like this.
  • Give me Ravenclaws who are so done with the riddles when they stumble back at midnight after having fallen asleep in the Library. "What's the truth?" "THE TRUTH IS THAT I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN."
  • Give me the Trio, who use the Marauder's Map to find the most absolutely ridiculous routes to class, knowing every single one of the shortcuts. It's not odd for them to simply appear out of the ceiling. One day the new first years try to follow them, to learn the school better, but it doesn't go so well because then they try to go through a disappearing wall the Trio just did they instead run headfirst into it, and the next time they do behind a tapestry, down a waterside, around some sort of tower, causally past an entire doorless room full of bats, and somehow come out on the complete other side of the castle.
  • Give me Draco whose just completely had it with Harry's staring and confronts him, like they always do, and Harry just blurts out that he likes Draco's new haircut and can he touch his hair, and Draco so shocked he lets him. "Potter stop treating me like a cat I'm evil remember? Bloody hell have you gone daft?!" "But... it's soft..." "I hate you." But he just can't find any anger over this, so there's like no venom whatsoever in it and Harry can't stop giggling.
  • Give me Ginny, who can't stop giggling as Luna confuses the fuck out of an entire crowd with her way of speaking, and who during seventh year could 100% get away with insulting the Death Eaters because of the way she said things. Who after Luna used said tactic to get her out of a Crucio punishment just clung to Luna, shaking, and realizing that she loves Luna so much for this very reason. That there will never be another person like Luna in her life, ever.
  • Give me Harry, who was not really well educated while living at the Dursleys, who couldn't read very well but was wonderful at sneaking around, little tricks like hiding things, and loved music. He taught himself magic tricks, and MERLIN ALMIGHTY THIS 11 YEAR OLD KID HAS MASTERED VANISHING SPELLS, WHAT, HOW, and Percy, uptight prefect he is, just looses it.
  • Give me Ron walking in on Harry talking to some random snake in their dorm room, laughing like the snake said a particularly good joke, tipping his head and smiling as he responds, the python slowly curling up his arm to rest over his shoulder. Ron freezes, stares, and then slowly backs away, closes the door and stands there staring at it for a full half hour in absolute horror.
  • Give me the rest of the D.A. walking into the Room of Requirement and hearing screaming, Dean shrieking that he's going to murder someone, Hermione crying, Justin cursing like a sailor yelling for everyone to stop, and the rest panic and run around the corner and there the four Muggle-raised students are. With some sort of odd device in their hands. Playing Mario Kart.

anonymous asked:

Hi!!! Ok, so first of all I LOVE your blog. All of your recommendations?? A gift from heaven. I was wondering if you have any good and cute domestic AU's? Kinda like the posts that prettyboyviktor makes (I'm so sorry, I don't know how to add links TT A TT"" ). I think that the domestic AU's are just ADORABLE and I'm currently reading Masquerade (thanks to your rec) and I LOVE it (omg) so I wanted to know what you think are good domestic AU's. Thank you thank you thank you so much!!!

Thank you for these requests! (and compliments, wow!!) I LOVE DOMESTIC AUs SO FREAKING MUCH OMGOMG

Originally posted by feilusiana


Domestic Fluff


Safety Hazards in St. Petersburg by lucycamui, Explicit, 3.7k
In which Yuuri moves in with Victor in St. Petersburg and Victor discovers just how distracting living with him can be. I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH OMG

Love Like You by LFMH021, Teen, 3.6k
Little insight to retired and domestic Victuuri! Many small scenes from deciding who is going to do the dishes to grocery shopping. SO CUTE AND FLUFFY I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH! It’s the domestic fic you’re looking for!

stammi vicino by sunshinehide, Gen, 1k
its moments like these where yuuri realizes how lucky in love he is with victor. CUTEEE

Domesticity by DawnMalfoy, Not Rated, 4.4k
When Yuuri moves to St Petersburg to train with Victor a lot of things change for the better. Victor is really in love with Yuuri, and is still surprised that he gets to come home to him every day! Awwwww!

The Different Types of Warmth by BeautyButterBae, Explicit, 8.1k
When Victor drags Yuuri out of their apartment on one of the coldest days St. Petersburg has seen in a while, Yuuri is far from pleased. Victor promises to replenish the body heat they’ve both lost. Yuuri is far more pleased with that. Fun!

in need of melted marshmallow cuddles by Hitsugi_Zirkus, Gen, 1.7k
“Viktor. You’re Russian. How is it that you’re always so easily cold and– Wait,” Yuuri’s eyes fell onto Viktor’s bundled up form under the comforter, “are you wearing my jackets? How many layers have you got on?” SNUGGLES AND CUDDLES DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING I LOVE THIS FIC

Dream Awake by Ashida, Teen, 7.7k
Yuuri really loves to sleep in, in his bed, in his apartment, in their home, but they have morning practice, and Victor thinks of a new way to wake him up. It’s so fluffy I’m gonna dieeee

Get A Room, Just Not This One by chellethewriter, Mature, 8.1k
Five times that Yuri Plisetsky walks in on Yuuri and Viktor being grossly affectionate… and one time that he doesn’t. Takes place in St. Petersburg, post episode 12. Yurio is basically their son and I love it!

we laugh, we fumble, we take it day by day by waitingforreason, Gen, 3k
When it comes to taking their son on the ice for the first time, Yuuri is worried, Victor is patient, and everyone else is helplessly intrusive. LOVE!

kissed me like a sunrise by middlecyclone, Teen, 1k
Maybe, Victor figures, there are some things, some people, that you just can’t get over. And Yuuri is his. So cute!

Born To Make History by BeautyButterBae, Explicit, 9.2k
Some mornings were like today, where Yuuri sat up in their shared bed, only watching as Victor Nikiforov – the man he had married only a few months earlier – slept peacefully, still disbelieving that all of this had happened, that it was real, that he got so lucky. They’re married and I can’t breATHE THIS IS SO GOOD

kairosclerosis by celestialfics, Gen, 1k
Life at Viktor’s apartment in Russia is different than when Yuuri and Viktor had stayed together at Yuuri’s family home in Japan, but it’s a good kind of different. Thumbs up!

In jokes and Pettiness by preciousbunnynoiz, Teen, 3.6k
Domestic Victuuri get into petty arguments None of the fights are serious! THIS IS SO AMAZING?? I’M DYING??? Love!

Distance by surveycorpsjean, Explicit, 5.1k
They just can’t stand to be apart. They’re still obsessed with each other!

sight of the sun by cityboys, Teen, 6.4k
Wherein their honeymoon brings Victor face-to-face with a lot of firsts in his life. HONEYMOON FIC I REPEAT THIS IS A HONEYMOON FIC

Together Dancing, Cheek to Cheek by ambientwhispers, Gen, 2.1k
Katsuki Yuuri sometimes still doesn’t believe he could possibly be married to his old idol, Victor Nikiforov. One day, Victor decides to show Yuuri exactly where that road began, with the pictures from the 2015 GPF banquet. OMG!!

better than sliced bread by ebenroot, Teen, 8.1k
In which we all assumed yuuri is the one to own a dakimakura but maybe that isn’t entirely the case. THIS IS GREAT AHHAHA

anonymous asked:

PROMPT: D & P somehow get into a debate over who is kinkier in bed. Phil says something like 'Just because you have 5 vibrators doesn't make you more kinky. And yes. I know you have them. I hear the buzzing at two am bc I'm a heavy sleeper but you don't know how to be quiet' then cue rough sex

Warning!! Smut: Top! Phil, daddy kink, degradation, dirty talk, vocal Dan, bantz, dom! Phil, coming untouched (twice), coming in pants (once), etc.


~Thinking about it, Dan was almost positive him and Phil had rarely ever had a proper, real argument. It was usually about silly things when they did; anime, editing, memes, etc. Then when they did have an actual fight, it always resulted in them both crying and saying sorry. This time it was different, this wasn’t a real argument, this was leading into territory that hadn’t ever really gone too before.

~Dan and Phil had been joking around, sat in their lounge talking mindlessly about something, tossing back and forth a small bouncy ball they found and laughing. Dan was a lousy throw, missed, and hit Phil in the eye. To which, Phil replied with, “Kinky.”

~Dan snorted slightly and shrugged. “Nah kinky would be if I had called you daddy and threw it at you acting like a pissed off toddler.” He said pointedly, catching the ball and throwing it back. “I guess you’re right. I guess you aren’t as kinky as me then.” He said mostly to joke, throwing the ball back before seeing Dan raise an eyebrow.

~Dan gave him a questioning look, shaking his head before throwing the ball back to him. “Yeah I highly doubt that you’re kinkier than me, Lester.” He challenged, to which Phil smirked in response. “Just because you have like five vibrators doesn’t mean you’re kinkier than me.”

~Dan felt his ears turn red, looking away and blushing, not commenting back. “Yes I know you have them. I’m no idiot, I can hear the buzzing at like two AM. Or at least I would be able too if you knew how to stay quiet.” He chuckled softly, seeing Dan turn even more red.

~Dan finally looked up, shrugging. “I’ve always been vocal. I just figured you’d be asleep by then..” He trailed off, looking away again and blushing once more. “Dan, I’ve been your best friend for years and you still don’t know I’m never asleep at 2 am?” Phil laughed softly.

~Dan shrugged again, trying to brush it all off and play it cool. “I’m still kinkier than you fuck off.” He attempted to change the subject. “I don’t believe that for a second. Just because you moan like  bitch in heat doesn’t mean you’re kinky, or good in bed.” He smirked.

~Dan gave him an offended look, glaring a bit. “Shut up!” He threw a pillow at him from the couch. “Im plenty good in bed, and far kinkier than you could even dream of being.” He said, to which Phil instant denied. “Yeah no. I would ask for proof, but I don’t feel like being disappointed.” He teased, knowing Dan would get more riled up the more he went on like this.

~Phil chuckled deeply when Dan didn’t reply. “I guess I’m right. Dan Howell isn’t kinkier than me, and he’s shit in bed.” He declared, mostly to himself, seeing Dan’s face turn red from a mixture of anger and embarrassment. “I’m great in bed. Maybe you’re the one who sucks in bed, that’s why you’re harping on me so much.” He accused, seeing Phil raise an eyebrow at him.

~Phil brushed off the accusation, leaning back on the couch and putting his hands behind his head. “Sorry, I don’t get affected by very wrong accusations like you.” He hummed. “Are you saying yours against me was false then?” Dan smirked. “No I still think you suck in bed.” Phil laughed, looking over at him with that damn smirk still plastered on his face.

~Dan huffed and crossed his arms, glaring at him. “And what makes you think you’re so damn good in bed?” He asked. “Mhm?”

~Phil laughed, giving him a small shrug and closing his eyes. “I’d bet money I could make you cum untouched before i was even close.” He said casually. “Hell, I’d bet money I could have you begging me for it within 10 minutes.”

~Dan chuckled sarcastically. “Yeah right. You couldn’t get into my pants even if you took me to dinner and a movie first.” He snorted.

~Phil looked over at him once more, pushing his hair off his face and sitting up, chuckling deeply. “You say that because you know it’s true. You know easily I could have you begging for my cock, whimpering and whining for me to fuck you so hard you can’t walk the next day.”

~Dan swallowed visibly at his words, trying to push them away and shaking his head. “Oh whatever.” He denied. “Don’t lie to yourself Danny. I know damn well you want me. All those cries of my name and daddy over and over again in the middle of the night. You always sound so pretty, almost like you’re purposely putting on a show knowing I’m awake. I bet you look even better.”

~Dan was blushing furiously again, shaking his head but not speaking. “Awe..” Phil smirked, moving a hand on Dan’s thigh and squeezing gently. “Getting all worked up, Dan?” He cooed, leaning over and biting his earlobe gently. “Thinking about how nicely I’d stretch you open, how much better it’d be than all your toys, having me fucking into you, holding you down and marking up your neck and chest, making you my property?” He hummed.

~Dan didn’t even try to shake his head in denial, letting a small whimper pass his lips as Phil spoke. He felt himself being pushed back, Phil crawling between his legs in a swift motion and ghosting his lips over Dan’s neck. “You’d like that wouldn’t you baby? My thick cock ruining your pretty hole, teeth sinking into your neck and leaving dark bruises, my cum filling you up nicely..” He started placing small kisses down Dan’s neck.

~Phil moved down the side of his neck, kissing gently, occasionally taking the smooth skin between his teeth and nipping quickly. Dan was squirming under him, quickly becoming a mess. “Fuck..Phil..” Dan whimpered out, hands gripping the older male’s shirt tightly. “What baby boy?” Phil smirked gently.

~Dan whimpered loudly, his head thrown back as Phil bit down roughly and sucked a few proper marks against his throat. “Fuck me!” He cried out without thinking, gasping when Phil’s lips detached from his beck and moved to his mouth.

~Phil kissed him for a while, his hands moving under his shirt and rubbing circles into his hip bones. Dan was whimpering into his mouth, kissing back messily as he wiggled under him. “Please Phil.” He whined when Phil pulled back from the kiss, watching the older male tug off his shirt quickly. Dan did the same, looking at him with desperate eyes.

~Phil chuckled and leaned back down, feeling Dan’s hands fumbling with his belt, the metal clinking and Dan’s moaning the only sound in the room. Dan’s hands moved back, his arms around Phil and his nails dragging down his back once Phil started grinding into him, hips rutting together roughly.

~Dan was coming undone too soon, he felt like a horny teenager all over again as Phil’s hips rolled into his own, the friction of his jeans and boxers against the head of his cock almost enough to send him over the edge already, just needing a little more. He moaned loudly, feeling Phil nip his bottom lip and tug it back, attacking his mouth again for another heated kiss.

~Phil moved his hand down quickly, starting to palm Dan through his jeans firmly. Dan was getting louder, his moans and whimpers bouncing off the walls and drowning out all other sound. He cried out, starting to cum hard, blushing a deep red as he did.

~Phil chuckled softly, smirking. “I guess I was wrong..” He hummed. “About..?” Dan panted slightly, feeling Phil’s hips still pressing into his own. “You are good in bed. So far.” He smirked, his lips reattaching to Dan’s quickly, his hips still rolling into his.

~Dan didn’t take long to get hard again, Phil having some surreal effect on his libido he had never seen before, not that he was complaining. He felt Phil’s fingers hook under his jeans, tugging them down with force until they were on the ground.

~Phil did the same, slowly stripping with him until there was a pile on the ground of all their clothes. Phil reached down, wrapping his hand around the younger male’s cock and starting to stroke slowly, his thumb rubbing over the tip and over his slit repeatedly, Dan bucking his hips up in response each time, desperate for the touch.

~Dan wasn’t quiet, he never was, but in the sexual aspect he was a vocal guy. He liked to moan, he liked to put on a show for whoever was fucking him, and Phil would be lying if he said it wasn’t the hottest thing he had ever seen in his life. “Should we go to the bed?” Dan asked between kissing, whining and pouting when he felt Phil’s hand pull away from his aching cock.

~Phil gripped his ass, pulling him into his lap and lifting him up with surprising ease, carrying him to the bedroom with his lips attached to his neck. Dan felt his back hit the bed, Phil between his legs again and his hand fumbling to the side for his top drawer, finding the small blue bottle of lube and handing it to Phil.

~Phil chuckled, popping the cap and pouring a thick layer over three of his fingers, moving his hand between Dan’s legs and circling his rim. Dan shivered, his thighs shaking in anticipation before letting out a loud, strained moan when Phil slipped two fingers into him with ease.

~Phil worked his fingers in and out of the whimpering, writhing man under him, curling them slowly to try and find his spot. He smirked, hearing Dan cry out, his back arching off the mattress once he found it. He added a third digit, scissoring his fingers slowly for a moment before deciding he was stretched enough, spending a few moments rubbing against Dan’s prostate.

~Dan was whining at the top of his lungs, breathless, covered in a thin layer of sweat and his hair curling against his forehead as he was worked open. Phil was in awe, drinking in the sight and sound of Dan. “You sound so good baby..such a slut for me already.” He breathed, pulling his fingers out slowly.

~Dan whimpered, his legs wrapping around Phil’s hips and trying to pull him closer. Phil chuckled, smacking his thigh as a warning. “Don’t be a greedy slut or I’ll leave you here with a vibrator in as punishment. I could get off on my own, come back later when I’, ready to use your hole for my pleasure, just leave you hear unable to cum with a toy against your spot for a few hours.” He threatened, watching Dan shake his head.

~Phil chuckled softly, smirking. “That’s what I thought baby..” he said, stroking over himself and coating his length with the leftover lube, moaning lowly. He positioned at his entrance, pushing in his tip before pulling out, smirking when Dan whined and started clenching around nothing, his head thrashing back in frustration. “Beg.” Phil smirked.

~Dan pouted, looking up at him and whining loudly, no longer caring. “Please daddy just fuck me! I’ve been so good, I’ve been such a good slut for you. Please just fuck me, use me, ruin me, make me yours.” He begged, gasping and arching his back when he felt Phil push in suddenly.

~Dan’s whole body shook, feeling more full than ever, his hands grasping at nothing for something, anything to grip as Phil started to fuck him quickly, barely giving him time to adjust. It hurt, but in all the best ays. The burning, Phil hitting his prostate dead on over and over again as if he had done this a thousand times, his nails digging into Dan;s hips as he gripped them for leverage. Dan was in bliss, tears in the corner of his eyes from the intense pleasure.

~Phil was breathless, thrusting harder and harder into Dan, their hips slamming together each time he pushed back in. Dan was unbelievably tight, warm, swallowing his cock perfectly, screaming his name. He felt Dan move up, his arms around him again and his nails dragging down his back probably hard enough to draw blood.

~Phil groaned loudly, trying to keep quiet and enjoy the beautiful noises pouring from Dan’s swollen and pink parted lips. “God fucking dammit..” Phil muttered, leaning down and resting his forehead against Dan’s as he thrusted hard. “You’re so good baby..so good for me. Taking my cock like you were made too, all these pretty moans and curses all for me.”

~Dan nodded, rocking his hips into him as he was slammed into over and over again. “All for you daddy fuck!” He was almost screaming, unable to stay quiet for more than a moment, the build of his orgasm tightening in his stomach. Only a few short moments later he was coming again, white ribbons along both of their chests, loud shouts of Phil’s name and various obscenities pouring from his mouth at high enough volume he was sure everyone on their floor could hear him, but he didn’t care.

~Phil started breathing heavy, Dan tightening around him as he came for the second time that night, the feeling sending him over the edge. His thrusts became less rhythmic as he grew closer, Dan clenching tightly around him until he came himself, deep inside the younger male, gasping and groaning, his hips moving erratically as he rode out his orgasm.

~Phil collapsed onto him, rolling over and pulling out, hearing Dan whimper quietly as his cum dripped out of him slightly. Dan moved over to lean on him, looking at him and smiling a little. “Wanna nap and then we’ll talk about this?” He offered, seeing Phil nod before they both passed out. 



A/N: Can I just with the fact that I still always listen to Often by The Weeknd whenever I write lmao. This is 2.3 k, so t’s seriously official, I can’t write a short hc. 

anonymous asked:

I don't know if this is something i should ask on this blog (feel free to delete if its not) but i heard the chainsmokers said something racist, do you know what it was?

This is definitely something I am willing to answer. The video has been taken down. But yesterday at about 10AM KST, the Clamslappers posted a video of an interview in China for Ultra Festival on Twitter. And the host asked whether or not one of the guys (idk their names and I don’t want to know their names) whether he brought his dog. And he made a “joke” implying that dogs aren’t safe in China because of the typical Asian stereotype that all Asians eat/slaughter dogs. The guy didn’t say this specifically, but it was implied through his silence when asked why he didn’t bring his dog and after the host realized what he was implying the Clamslappers and the host laughed together. The caption was also the laughing (with tears) emoji. Later, (I just checked now because I have them blocked), the member (again idk their names) posted an apology saying that it was because he heard dogs get slaughtered in China (you can find it here: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DJdyhAcUMAAr8Fk.jpg:orig), but it was still a racist comment based off of old stereotypes and it frustrates me to an incredible extent. The fact that they make these remarks and laugh about it makes me mad. While he said this is why he didn’t bring his dog, I’m sure he was making a joke about Chinese and Asians in general. If he was truly worried about his dog, he would have looked concerned or sad or made a comment about saving dogs in the interview. Instead he made a cheap “joke” and attempted to cover it up with a campaign to fight against dog slaughter. What makes it even more upsetting is that they are collaborating with BTS, a South Korean boy group. I know a lot of you guys won’t agree with me, but yeah. Also for those fans that are worried about whether or not dislking or not supporting the Clamslappers makes you a bad ARMY, it really doesn’t. Fact of the matter is we love BTS not them. Just because we love BTS doesn’t mean that we have to be fans of those people. I’m going to add this because I don’t think some of you get it. I am Asian, I have lived through ugly Asian stereotypes, remarks, “jokes.” Don’t make comments about the Asian experience and say “well this sterotype applies sometimes.” It doesn’t matter. It was a cheap ugly “joke” and should not be tolerated.
- Kylie

Plagues Against Mankind That We Shouldn’t Have To Deal With At This Point What The Huck

  • When your hair looks beyond amazing but no matter how many pictures you take it looks bad on film so you’re left alone in your room at 4:43 am suffering because you’ll now never have photographic evidence of the time your hair looked like it was styled by the angel’s themselves just in time for you to rush off to the Royal Ball. Only you will ever have this knowledge. You know the hair will be a mess by the time you see another human being again. Cursed.
  • Un-skippable ads in the MIDDLE of videos. what the hell.
  • When you order a Bloody Mary but it just tastes like straight tomato juice and nothing else
  • When you’re romantically frustrated and No One Wants To Take One For The Team And Just Date You Already
  • M. Night Shyamalan announcing a live action Avatar: The Last Airbender Two in 2017 the Year the Lord Abandoned Us, Apparently
  • The unseen forces that walk and jump on your roof all night long. They sound too heavy to be squirrels or raccoons. You never see anything up there when you check outside. You go back inside and the noises immediately resume, only this time you can now hear them laughing at you. Why Cant The Invisible Edgelords Remain Calm
  • Those birds that just dive right in front of your moving car
  • Owls in places and times where there Shouldn’t Be Owls
  • Donald Trump
  • When the dude living in your walls won’t stop blasting his techno bop music 
  • Having to use your rock pet to kill attacking bugs because you have no other means of defense 
  • the fact that I don’t know how to access podcasts and if I ask I’ll sound stupid
  • When your glasses are always smudged or dirty no matter what the hell you do seriously how the hell has no one invented something to stop this yet
  • When the Slurpee machines are always out of blue raspberry 
  • When people reference ‘the office’ while talking to you but you don’t get the joke because you’ve never seen ‘the office’ and when you tell them that you’ve never seen ‘the office’ they look at you as if you personally skinned their great grandmother alive
  • That…the fricking,,,,,,warm thing in the air that makes my body moist. Why that there. unnecessary attack from the planet. why. I want sweaters not sweat 
  • the fact that I Have No One To See Spider-Man:Homecoming With And I Am Distressed
  • When the wild rabbits don’t pick up on your psychic communication that you are one of them and they run from you
  • When the wine is expired 
  • When your favorite flowers only bloom for like one week a year
  • The fact that you are currently not eating chocolate 
  • Donald Trump
  • The fact that there currently is not Buffalo Chicken Dip entering my body
  • Those people that walk up moving escalators 
  • The guy that dresses up as Sulley in Disney World that grabbed my ass when I took a picture with him
  • Every Villain Is Lemon 
  • When all of your facebook memories are boring or depressing
  • The Cicadas That Are Laying In Wait
  • Those people that are rude to waiters and waitresses 
  • When you wanna write something but you’re hit with the overwhelming feeling that no one will ever wanna read it so What’s The Point
  • Batteries dying
  • The Vampire That Twerks Behind You Every Time You Look In A Mirror But You Can’t See Him Because He’s A Vampire But You Have The Overwhelming Feeling Of Knowledge That There’s A Vampire Twerking Behind You
  • The fact that Owen Wilson will never truly know we Value Him
  • When you’re not even making noise but a random old man complains about how much noise you’re making
  • The fact that there isn’t a 24/7 Law and Order: SVU channel 
  • People who can’t make up their minds about Dr. Phil
  • Cramps
  • really just wanna circle back here to the fact that my hair looks amazing right now I look like a 16th century maiden who is escaping her tower to attend the ball where she must slay the beast to save the kingdom this is my authentic past life coming through to make my hair look effortlessly gorgeous but the camera is not cooperating and No One Will Ever Truly Know 

  • Good tv shows getting cancelled 
  • People that unironically wanna have sex with Bill Cipher 
  • Being awake at 5:36 in the morning
  • The glowing orb that refuses to move out of your sock drawer 
  • Those little green men that sometimes escape out of jars in your cabinets and you gotta battle them for dominance of your own kitchen or else they’ll add too much paprika to all your meals…like, what’s their deal?
  • cats that don’t love you back
  • papayas 
  • Clovers that don’t have four leafs 
  • When you have to have matching socks to look professional 
  • ageing 
  • the T-Rex that insists on stomping down the street every time you’re trying to sleep
  • Aliens being hidden by the government 
  • When you rhyme by accident 
  • When you try to rhyme on purpose but can’t think of anything 
  • The fact that I just had to google how to spell ‘rhyme’
  • Gender Stereotypes 
  • The decreasing firefly population 
  • 7th graders that constantly stick their fingers through circles as a means of silently making sex jokes
  • Weeds that are taller than me I must be the Dominant Inconvenience
  • Fahrenheit vs Celsius
  • Telemarketers
  • Those guys that come up to your house to try to get you to buy Verizon Fios 
  • We’re Running Out Of Chocolate 
  • When John Oliver Steals Words Out Of Your Mouth Before You Can Even Think Them Like The Creature From Midnight
  • Zac Efron not showing up to the HSM 10th anniversary party
  • People who just really causally do splits or impossible stretches while your tensed up immobile ass is forced to watch
  • When You start doing squats but it starts making your butt get smaller and you grow distressed
  • People that are, like, unironically mean to other people. What the f o c k
  • All my socks developing holes in them
  • Crushes that go nowhere
  • the fact that no one ever thinks to respect the soft, gentle Molepeople that have been quietly helping our civilization along without reward for hundreds of centuries 
  • Werewolves getting mistaken for Skinwalkers 
  • The giant ball of flesh under the ocean that’s just waiting to destroy us all
  • People Who Don’t Get Your Sense Of Humor 
  • No one acknowledging your selfies
  • Hunters and Cryptozoologists not taking the hint that Bigfoot simply isn’t interested 
  • The fact I can’t figure out a clever way to end this post



  • Mankind Becoming the Plague Itself 
  • Conan O’Brien and his immense hidden power that everyone chooses to foolishly ignore. One day, he will reveal his true form and strike.
Terrible Choices
  • "I can't believe you just did that."
  • "You're going to do WHAT?!"
  • "Let me count the ways that this is a bad idea..."
  • "Please tell me you're joking."
  • "You are going to have a LOT of explaining to do over this one."
  • "You can make all the excuses all you want, but you really fucked up this time."
  • "So... I did something that might have been a terrible idea..."
  • "Do you think we could just forget last night?"
  • "I'm not sure what happened, but I have a feeling I know who was behind it."
  • "You know that little voice inside your head that tells you not to do the thing? Listen to it next time."
  • "You're not a teenager anymore. Stop acting like it."
  • "What's the worst that could happen from all this?"
  • "Do not talk to me again."
  • "It really wasn't THAT bad a decision, was it?"
  • "Yeah. Okay. I screwed up. Now what do I do about it?"
  • "Don't try to pin this all on me. WE did this. You were involved."
  • "You don't have that little voice that tells you when something's a bad idea, do you?"
  • [text] What happened? Everything's a blur.
  • "Please, please tell me what I did wrong."
  • "That was just a giant clusterfuck, wasn't it?"

anonymous asked:

Peter cancels his date night with the reader for "stark internship" but forgets to tell her so she turns up at his flat and May's fuming that Peter did that to the reader so she's like "you like Thai food? I'm taking you out for Thai food, we can complain about my useless nephew together" and they have a girls night because they don't need no men to have fun

You bit your lip to contain your excitement as you stood waiting in front of the door to the Parkers’ apartment. It was yours and Peter’s monthly date night, and you were going out together to see a new superhero movie you’d been waiting on for months.

“(Y/N)!” May Parker sounded surprised as she opened the door and saw you, confusing you slightly.

“Hi May! Is Peter ready?”

The older woman bit her lip, sighing.

“Peter was called in to work, for his Stark internship. He rushed off, but he said he’d told you that he’d have to cancel tonight.”

Your lips parted slightly, and you tried not to look too upset in front of your boyfriend’s aunt.

“Oh,” you said quietly. “He…he didn’t tell me.”

May was furious; you were the nicest girl she could think of for her nephew, she saw you as another member of the family, and she couldn’t believe that Peter would let you down like that and not even tell you.

“I’ll just go,” you were saying sadly, wiping your eyes and starting to walk away down the hallway.

“(Y/N) wait!” May called, stepping out of the door. You turned to face her, desperately hoping that she couldn’t see the tears in your eyes.

“Yeah?”

She sighed, running a hand through her dark hair.

“Do you like Thai food? I’m not happy with my nephew ruining your night, so we could order food in if you like? Girls movie night?”

You smiled softly, wiping your eyes clumsily. “I’d like that,” you replied quietly. She grinned, holding her arm out to you and leading you back into the apartment.

_________________________

It was almost eleven o'clock at night, and Peter was exhausted. Every bone, every muscle in his body ached and screamed in protest as he clumsily scaled the outside of his apartment building. He had expected to enter his bedroom to find a silent, sleepy flat, but he could dimly hear a movie playing in the living room, and two familiar laughs.

“(Y/N),” he breathed, suddenly realising what he had, or hadn’t, done that night. “Shit.”

He crept over to his bedroom door, trying to eavesdrop through the doorframe.

“…I know how important this internship is to him,” he heard you saying. “I’m so proud of him for getting it, but I never realised it would take him away from me so much.”

He felt his heart breaking in his chest; he thought that by keeping his true identity and job from you, he was protecting you. He hadn’t considered that you would feel as though he was putting his job above his relationship with you.

Realising that he couldn’t walk into the living room all of a sudden when you and May thought he was at Stark Tower, he picked his phone up off of his bedside table and began to type a text.

You were almost crying with laughter at one of May’s corny jokes when you noticed your phone screen lighting up beside you. May raised her eyebrows slightly, staying silent as you read the text from Peter.

Message from Peter P 😘❤️:
Hey beautiful. I’m so sorry about tonight, Mr Stark didn’t give me time to do anything but run out to his car. I promise you’re worth so much more to me than this internship or anything in the world, I love you so much. I’m sorry for being the world’s worst boyfriend. I love you (Y/N) xxxx

You smiled softly, your lips moving silently as you reread the text.

“Is that him?” May asked casually, folding her legs beneath her on the sofa. You nodded.

“He’s sorry. He says he’s the worst boyfriend in the world,” you added with a chuckle. “He isn’t, he could never be. I hope he knows that.”

Peter smiled slightly to himself, running a hand through his messy hair and replacing his phone on his bedside table. Maybe he wasn’t quite the worst boyfriend in the world, but he promised himself that after tonight he would be the best.

Tags: @pillow223 @agentmalfoy24601 (hope you enjoy!!)

just your heart beating close to mine

for nurseydex week, day 2 - bed sharing

Nursey’s a clingy drunk.

Freshman year, Dex hated it. He and Nursey spend all their sober time bickering; fighting nonstop about everything from politics to slapshot form to whether ketchup belongs on scrambled eggs (Dex will never fucking admit it, but he’s actually started to find it delicious; Nursey can never know). But the second Nursey slips over the line from tipsy to drunk, he’s Dex’s best friend–hanging off Dex’s shoulders, draping his feet into Dex’s lap, hell, draping himself into Dex’s lap, two hundred pounds and then some of languid muscle. He’s sweet when he’s drunk, his chirps soft and fond instead of scathing, and his fingertips are gentle when they wander over Dex’s skin, dipping under the collar of his t-shirt, brushing against the short hair at the nape of his neck.

And Dex hated it, because morning would come, and hungover Nursey is clingy too but not in the same way, and they were always back to sharpness, and Dex would have to pretend he didn’t get home from those kegsters and throw himself into very, very cold showers.

Sophomore year, it’s a little better. They’re friends more often than they’re not, but on the flip side, that means the rest of the team actually trusts Dex to be on Nursey Patrol (“If you don’t want to kill him all the time, we can probably trust you to make sure he doesn’t drink himself into a coma,” Bitty said cheerfully the first time, shoved Nursey, already tipsy, towards him, and disappeared onto the dance floor with a solo cup in his hand).

Except Nursey Patrol, he learns, doesn’t end with the kegster. No, Nursey Patrol ends with Nursey safe in his bed, at least out of his shoes but ideally in something comfortable enough to sleep in, after a cup or two of water and two tabs of Aspirin, his phone plugged in and the door to his room locked.

(Dex does not want to know the series of events that led to this level of Patrol being in place. If he thinks about it too hard, his chest starts to hurt, and he doesn’t wanna deal with that.)

But–

“Dexy,” Nursey says, as Dex manhandles him down to his bed and then flops down next to him, hauling Nursey’s foot into his lap to start on his shoelaces, because Three Cups of Tub Juice Derek Nurse is not a Derek Nurse who has the coordination for tasks involving dexterity. Dex had said that, once, and Nursey had said “ha, Dexterity,” and giggled for ten minutes. “Dex, will you stay with me?”

(read the rest on AO3, or read more below)

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Don't you find it ironic that Mark ask us to respect Felix even though Felix never showed us (Jewish People) any respect? I get where he is coming from but I'm sick of seeing Mark being held as some kind of messiah in the fandom.

No, I don’t find it ironic. See, it doesn’t matter how a person treats you, words are words. Standing up and being the better person is more important than falling to their level, or below, and slinging insults, stripping away their humanity over a joke. Felix did not mean to have his joke interpretted the way he did. A joke does not equal how you actually feel. Watch his video. Take away your biases for a moment and watch the video.

I see it like “Oh i’m gonna drink bleach” or “oh, you stupid little shit, i’m gonna kill you”. You don’t take those jokes seriously. And with that, seeing how there are legitimately disgusting people following Felix, that doesn’t matter, either. You are not your followers. People I disagree with followed me before I spoke out. People Felix disagree with may have left, too after he openly told them to fuck off.

Taking words to heart is bullshit in my opinion. You give meaning to those words. You allow people to speak and allow them to dig themselves their own graves. I am a free speech absolutist. I will defend ANYONE’S right to speak as long as they aren’t making bomb threats, or other threats of the sort. What Felix did was not that, simply something to point out how ridiculous those sites were. 

Censoring language is more oppressive and dictorial than allowing someone to speak. Personally, as someone with Jewish people in my family, I couldn’t give a single shit what Felix said because I’m not thin skinned and I know he didn’t truly believe in what he was saying. Dark humor is dark humor. You hate it or you love it. And censoring what people find funny is bullshit. Humor can be a way to cope, and a joke does not equal what you truly feel. Ie) Dead baby jokes.  Disney had every right to drop him, though it’s bullshit that all that hard work was lost.

Friend, I think Mark had a point. Despite this being a Markiplier blog and me kinda focusing on him everyday, I’m able to step back and realize his faults. Analyze the whole situation. People deserve to be treated civily and with respect, no matter what comes out of their mouth, again, as long as it isn’t a threat. You need to step away from this super sensitive, don’t hurt anyone’s feelings for a second and realize, that that is only causing more hatred.

We cannot fight hate with hate. We need to stand up and be bigger people, friend. Sinking down and allowing anger to control us does not make us better. We better this world by showing kindness and respect to people, even if they spit the worst of venom. What I’m seeing is hate being combated with hate, and more hate being produced. This battle is dividing us, friend. Please, take a look around at the world. How divided and hostile we’ve become towards each other. I’ve been in the center of politics for years now, and I’ve watched things be torn apart.

You don’t have to like a person, you can even hate them, to respect them and treat them like another fellow human. This isn’t about Felix right now. But people you see as your enemy, see themselves making the world a better place. They are not set out to destroy this planet. They aren’t sitting, petting a cat and twirling their mustache.

Until this site learns to treat people in a civil and respectful manner, we will only further divide and increase this tension with one another. Spreading hate over meaningless things. We don’t have long on this planet, and worrying about being victims instead of being survivors and working with each other will get us nowhere.

MBTI as quotes from The Office (U.S.)
  • ENTJ: DID I STUTTER?
  • INTJ: There are too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague.
  • INTP: I'm not superstitious, but I'm a little stitious.
  • ENTP: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.
  • ENFJ: Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.
  • ENFP: And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.
  • INFP: I'm an early bird and a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms.
  • INFJ: How the turntables.
  • ISTJ: Obviously, we all want to die. But we need to get through this.
  • ESTJ: I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs.
  • ISFP: It's never too early for ice cream, Jim!
  • ISFJ: You know what they say "Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice.... strike three."
  • ESFJ: I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
  • ESFP: Dwight, you ignorant slut.
  • ESTP: Friends joke with one another. "Hey, you're poor." "Hey, your mom is dead." That's what friends do.
  • ISTP: There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, "What if you die Dwight? How will we get into the office?" He said, "If I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks."
Why doesnt SOMEONE do something aobut ALL THESE FUCKING BOTS ON social MEDIA ???????????????
  • Co-Worker: *internally* The new guy is so cool. Well, I guess he's not the new guy anymore because he has been working here for months now, but he's still great. I look up to him so much. He's funny, and outgoing. He even gave me a cute nickname. He never recognizes my affection for him, but I think today is the day. Today is the day he'll realize how cool and cute I am.
  • Co-Worker: H-Hi!
  • New Guy: Hey, braids.
  • Co-Worker: Do you like music?
  • New Guy: Yeah, I mean everyone likes music. Kinda weird if you don't. You're friends with that rep, right?
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: You know, the mopey one. Dark hair. Does she like me?
  • Co-Worker: Everyone likes you. I like you.
  • New Guy: Yeah, but that rep. That rep doesn't talk to me.
  • Co-Worker: I'm sure she likes you. You're so cool and kind and... uh, Britney Spears followed me on twitter!
  • New Guy: Whoa, what!? Britney Spears!? You're fucking joking!
  • Co-Worker: I'm serious. I guess, I'm really cool now. Hahahahahahahaha.
  • New Guy: Lemme see.
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: Lemme see your phone. I wanna see Britney following you. Can you like DM her?
  • Co-Worker: You're not allowed to take your phone out at work.
  • New Guy: Come on, no one cares.
  • Co-Worker: Uh, here you go, I guess. *hands new guy her phone*
  • New Guy: *checks twitter* ...This is a bot.
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: It's not the real Britney Spears, this is very obviously a bot.
  • Co-Worker: No, it's totally her. How can you even tell?
  • New Guy: First off, she only has two followers. One of which is you and the other is another Britney Spears bot. Secondly, her twitter name is Brittany Spear. Third, all of her posts are about discount fishing rods.
  • Co-Worker: Oh... I guess I didn't notice.
  • New Guy: You're fucking with me aren't you?
  • Co-Worker: *sweats* Sure, yeah.
  • New Guy: *laughs* I love you, braids. You're funny as shit.
  • Co-Worker: You love me!?
  • New Guy: Yeah, as a minor work acquaintance. Hey, if you talk to that rep later on, tell her to hit me up some time.
  • Co-Worker: Sure... yeah.
  • *later*
  • Co-Worker: *checking phone* It can't be a bot. It's definitely not a bot. Why would a Britney Spears bot follow me. I'm not even interested in fishing. It has to be the real Britney. *DMs the bot* Hey, hello Britney.
  • Brittany Spear: hi what're up :)
  • Co-Worker: Britney, I knew you were real!
  • Brittany Spear: lol hey ! :) :P
  • Co-Worker: Britney, you have to prove to this guy at my job that you're real. He's so cute and I love him so much and I want him to notice me.
  • Brittany Spear: wow hey did you kno that u can decrease you're morrtgrage rate by up to 20% check it out at www.extra.savings.ca/riwuWqoaQ/ref/100200
  • Co-Worker: Britney, this is serious.
  • Brittany Spear: Hi :)
  • Co-Worker: Britney PLS!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Brittany Spear: do U want boys to like U 🤔
  • Co-Worker: Yes, Britney! Show me the way!
  • Brittany Spear: is verry easy just follow this link and find your way https://find.your.way.jp/4wfwf42435753g$single/trinity/
  • Co-Worker: *clicks link*
  • Co-Worker: *pupils dilate*
  • *later*
  • New Guy: *working halfheartedly*
  • Co-Worker: *stumbles into new guy's cubicle* Greeting.
  • New Guy: Hey, braids.
  • Co-Worker: Does your like fishing?
  • New Guy: Nah. Never been much of an outdoorsman unless it involves extreme sports.
  • Co-Worker: Cooooooool. Go to www DOT amazone DOT co DOT de FORWARDSLASH promo FORWARDSLASH yourdiscountnow FORWARDSLASH for 90% discount code on premium fishing rods.
  • New Guy: You alright, braids? You sound kinda complete weird, and your eyes are a little completely black.
  • Co-Worker: Actavis, sizzurup, lean, drank. I've low prices completely legal real prescription email me at colombiaeastdrugstore AT gmail.com w FORWARDSLASH offers 100% secure line. Encrypted currencies accepted: BTC, Dogecoin.
  • New Guy: Uh... yeah. *leads co-worker out of his cubicle* I'm kinda completely busy at the moment. So I'll talk to you later braids. You should probably get back to work too.
  • Co-Worker: Been rejected? I can help you. Popular girls are on hand to chat 24/7 with advice at www DOT ez DASH chat DOT co DOT nz FORWARDSLASH promo FORWARDSLASH res575929682
  • *later*
  • Brittany Spear: *tweets* Why is it so dark? Why am I so numb?

anonymous asked:

I think I hurt a rib. I don't know what to do. I'm not out yet and I've been using ace bandages. I'm incredibly stupid. I'm sorry. Please if you help me I'll throw them all out and find a way to come out. Please? I'm so sorry. I live in usa.

Ren says:

Hi dear! You’re not stupid - we understand the draw of ace bandages, but it’s really, really, really important that you don’t ever use them again. Okay, my friend?

This is now an official Ribcage Troubleshooting Post!

This post isn’t a replacement for a doctor, but it can help you figure out whether you need to see a doctor, or what you should do until you can!

Look at this cool picture of some bones. That’s your ribcage, pretty nice eh? We’re gonna use this to figure out what’s up.

To give you a general idea of what’s going on, let me explain what’s up. That big bone in the middle, connecting the sides of your ribcage, is your sternum. It’s super important, since it helps protect some Serious Stuff, and anything that affects your ribs likely affects it!

Connected to your sternum on both sides are your collarbones (clavicles). You can usually see and feel your collarbones, since they’re very close to your skin.

To give you a sense of which rib is which, ribs 4, 5, or 6 are usually the ones that are just underneath breast tissue. (Some people have more than 10 ribs, but the last one is the last one!)

The blue parts of this diagram are made of costal cartilage, connecting the ribs and the sternum. Where the costal cartilage meets your ribs is called a costochondral joint. Where the costal cartilage meets your sternum, on the other hand, is called a sternocostal joint.

Over top of all this bone and cartilage is intercostal muscle. They go in between your ribs, filling the spaces, allowing you to breathe in and out.

So just how many ways can you injure all of this by binding unsafely?

  • fractured bone
  • bruised bone
  • bruised muscle
  • bruised cartilage
  • torn muscle
  • torn cartilage
  • inflamed muscle (costochondritis)
  • not to mention all the stuff that’s deep down underneath - you can seriously harm your lungs, for instance

Here comes the actual troubleshooting part.

  1. Which area of your ribcage hurts, and what is the pain like? (Tender? Shooting? Burning? Throbbing? Like something’s tearing? An ache, a sting?)
  2. Can you make physical contact with the area? Does any physical contact make the pain worse, or do you have to press gently to worsen it?
  3. Is the skin hot around the painful area, visibly red or bruised, or visibly swollen?
  4. When you press at the very top of your sternum (in between your collarbones) does it worsen the pain at your rib?
  5. Does it hurt to breathe, or is it difficult to breathe?
  6. Are you coughing, or coughing blood or mucus?
  7. Are you experiencing fatigue (like you’re really really sleepy), or are you dizzy?
  8. Check your pulse. Open up a timer with seconds on it, find your pulse, and count for one whole minute. Here’s an ask about healthy pulses (although YMMV if you are chronically ill).

If you cannot make physical contact with the area, are experiencing significant pain and/or difficulty breathing, are coughing blood, or answered yes to #4, go to the hospital. You may have broken or fractured a rib, or something worse. You need immediate medical attention.

If you can make physical contact with the area but it seriously hurts to do so, and are experiencing any of the above symptoms, go to the hospital.

If you can make physical contact with the area and it only hurts a little, are experiencing some pain but mostly when you press the painful area, are able to breathe normally, and are not coughing up any discharge, follow these instructions.

  • Stop binding. No arguments. Do not bind until your symptoms are gone.
  • Take an NSAID. These are over-the-counter painkillers like ibuprofen and naproxen. Acetaminophen/paracetamol will not help with inflammation, but will help with pain.
  • Ice the area for 20 minutes (don’t make direct contact with the skin - ice in a ziploc wrapped in a towel!). Rest it for 20 minutes. Heat for 20 minutes (heating pads or warm showers help) and rest again. Continue to alternate this.
  • Rest. Keep your chest relatively elevated - do not lay down flat or lower than your heart.
  • Keep pressure off your chest.
  • If you develop any more symptoms or the pain does not go away in 24 hours, go to the hospital.
  • And the golden rule: when in doubt, get it checked out.

I’m not joking around here, friend. Your body is important and you gotta be kind to it! If that means you need medical care, so be it. As long as you’re safe.

I really advise that you throw out every single ace bandage you have, no matter what. The temptation is too great, and it is never, ever, ever safe to bind with ace bandages.

Let us know if you’re okay, anon. I’m sending good thoughts and hopes for good health in your direction. <3


Lee says:

Here’s some excuses to give your parents if you need to see a doctor and you’re closeted! It’s okay to lie to them if you need to go see a doctor. You’re doing what’s best for your health and that’s really important!

For the future, when you’re healed (don’t ever bind while you’re injured!!) you could try one of the following methods to bind without ace bandages.

How do I buy a binder if I’m not out?

How do I ask my parents for a binder?

I can’t get a binder. How can I make my own?

  • Ren made some sweet info on binding with sports bras (x, x) and we also have a post about binding with camisoles. If you’re binding with a sports bra, you want this type.
  • Please do not try to make a DIY binder. Chances are, it will not be safe and you could hurt yourself.
  • Binding without a binder

somethingofavoid  asked:

could you point me in the direction of the evidence that alexander the great was a bottom? I absolutely don't doubt it's true but I've never seen anyone say otherwise so I figure there's some proof of some sort I'm missing, but couldn't find anything myself

you didn’t find anything because there is no proof, and in fact, the sources tell us the precise opposite. so why did i say he bottomed in my joke post? let’s get into it.

A (SIMPLIFIED) PRIMER: in ancient old mediterranean times it didn’t matter if you were a man who boned men or women – you should probs do both – but what mattered VERY much was whether you topped or bottomed. are you old enough to have a beard? now you’re too old to bottom. pederasty was the name of the game in the south (think athens) especially. if macedon followed these same sexual mores, we can’t be sure, tho they were likely similar. 

now that you know this, take note that hephaestion was actually older than alexander, taller, and more masculine and impressive-looking. according to the above – that’s called the dover model – it should be a given that hephaestion topped, right? or that they didn’t have a relationship at all, considering they were so close in age, and the dover model mandates a big age difference. then why do i have in my pocket two handy examples of hephaestion being identified not only as the bottom but as younger than alexander? observe:

• justin refers to hephaestion as “puer” (”boy” but with connotations in this context of “young pretty bottom boy”) 
• arrian refers to hephaestion as alexander’s “ἐρώμενος” (i.e. alexander’s beardless younger bottom) 

weird, right? we could take this at face value, discounting all that we factually know about hephaestion, or we could take a look at how romans of the late republic/early principate – when these biographies were penned – viewed sexuality in their own society, and how that may have influenced the way they interpreted alexander and hephaestion.

late republic/early principate sexual mores were a bit different from classical greek mores in that, simplified version, the socially superior partner had to top, and the supremely socially inferior – like a slave or a woman – was to bottom. hephaestion was second man in the empire with a massive presence in court; importantly, he was free-born. if alexander and hephaestion had a sexual relationship, which the roman biographers were fairly certain they did, that meant to the romans that hephaestion was either sleeping his way to the top (a common late republic sentiment – cicero used it against antony, like, hourly) which is very not befitting for, you know, the top general in the empire, or – worse – that alexander was a tyrant who was raping his second in command, and hephaestion wasn’t man enough to fight back against it. yikes. even worse option than that to the romans? alexander, king of kings, was taking the d from someone below his status. no matter what the evidence said – like hephaestion’s age and physicality and what we know about alexander’s personality, which i’ll get to in a minute – that was literally unthinkable. 

so the principate biographers lied. yep. in order to better mould hephaestion to their worldview, some bent the history so that hephaestion was younger and prettier (justin), or just plain unimportant enough that being alexander’s ἐρώμενος was socially acceptable (arrian). some laid into the nepotism angle even if they didn’t explicitly state fucking as the cause of it (plutarch). 

take-home message? history is malleable: like a memory, it never remains whole and accurate. the more often we pull it from the shelf, the more often it gets rewritten. 

idk, oprah. proof isn’t a thing that really exists for this period. but now that we know the roman histories are sometimes fake news, here’s some stuff supporting alexander bottoming: 

good evidence: historiography & the dover model

• what the romans had to say about hephaestion and alexander’s relationship is lowkey lies, so even tho we can’t definitively say hephaestion topped, we know that pretty much all evidence that hephaestion bottomed is not legitimate. that means the opposite could be true.

• alexander was younger than hephaestion, infamously remained beardless, and was physically smaller, which means that if macedonians followed southern sexual mores, and if alexander and hephaestion in particular even cared about bringing social politics into the bedroom (see how many variables?) then alexander would’ve bottomed 

pretty okay evidence: character extrapolation 

• i’ve had a prof bring up in class the fact that alexander was too soft for his parents, who worried he was effeminate, which we can safely interpret as “worried he was a bottom” – playing the lyre, not wanting to get it on with anyone in a way befitting a red-blooded macedonian guy, sleeping with the iliad under his pillow, other assorted twink activities. from his annoying high-pitched voice to the fact that he started dressing persian – seen as effeminate to macedonians – it’s pretty much accepted that he was an effeminate dude in his day. not conclusive, definitely problematic as being indicative of sexual position preference, but it is an argument i have seen.

not-really evidence but a component relevant to our discussion of the insidious crawl of unintentional historiography: 

• mary renault ran amok with the bottom/top thing in her books and made alexander finally topping and becoming a “man” into a whole arc in the persian boy, and it’s a fairly pervasive narrative in historical fiction that he’s a somewhat effeminate bottom. this isn’t historical evidence, but it shows how the narrative shifts – this interpretation, so widely distributed in fiction, is now undeniably present in our shared consciousness. (my joke post, which was geared toward an audience of like literally one person, was more about this.)

a final note is that people are just people, and we tend to forget that when we get so caught up in how fun it is to study ancient cultures. but at the end of the day, no matter the mores of their location and period, people are gonna fuck how they want, where they want, who they want, and when they want. like any other pair of young guys getting it on, i’d bet you ten bucks, realistically, that they switched. 

(source 1)
(source 2

Quote Writing Prompts
  • 1: "Yeah uh - Yeah no, that sounds awful."
  • 2: "Please... Don't leave me here. Don't leave me alone, without you."
  • 3: "So, that went well."
  • 4: "You're awful. I love it."
  • 5: "What the hell do you think you're doing, exactly?"
  • 6: "Is that... lipstick, on your collar?"
  • 7: "Did you do this?"
  • 8: "You know what? This place feels like home."
  • 9: "Oh shit. Am I - Am I in love? That's not supposed to be happening. That's not right."
  • 10: "Who are you? Where am I? What is this? WHAT IS GOING ON?!"
  • 11: "Dear (name), First of all, I'm so sorry. I really am."
  • 12: "I can't do this anymore."
  • 13: "So what, you're just gonna leave?"
  • 14: "Did you honestly think I wouldn't figure it out?"
  • 15: "You really think you can beat me? That's cute."
  • 16: "I'm tired of you. I really am, at this point."
  • 17: "Oh, just digging myself a nice grave, you?"
  • 18: "Shhhh. This is my favorite part."
  • 19: "Hey, can I hold your boobs for a sec?"
  • 20: "I think I may have found a song that accurately describes how I feel toward you."
  • 21: "Is that necessary?"
  • 22: "I don't like it."
  • 23: "I'm getting bad vibes... We should go."
  • 24: "HA! Loser!"
  • 25: "You wear me out, kid."
  • 26: "Is this a joke? This is a joke, right? You're joking."
  • 27: "The washing machine broke, I almost lost my keys, the car got dented, and a wasp got into the house and hijacked the bedroom for four days! Four. Days."
  • 28: "You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me."
  • 29: "You kiddin'? That's brilliant, c'mon!"
  • 30: "So what do you say to this: you, me, a nice big glass of milk, a thing of cookies?"
  • 31: "My hero."
  • 32: "That was harsh."
  • 33: "You better pipe down. I'm not laughing."
  • 34: "So you're really gonna do this, huh? And nothing I say can change your mind?"
  • 35: "So uh. I noticed you're kinda naked. Is that intentional, or... ?"
  • 36: "Why is there a dog in the living room?"
  • 37: "They mixed up our reservations. One room. One bed."
  • 38: "Oh boy. I'm on the weird side of YouTube again."
  • 39: "You, my friend, are a filthy sinner, and I approve wholeheartedly."
  • 40: "Did you mean like... this?"