and if you like those things then jen is like all of them combined

We talk with Toby Froud about Netflix's upcoming Dark Crystal prequel!

Yesterday, the faerie community, and indeed all those who love beautiful and fantastical storytelling, received momentous news when Netflix officially announced their upcoming project, slated to begin filming in fall. A prequel series to the beloved 1982 Henson/Froud film, The Dark Crystal, it will run for ten episodes and include state-of-the-art puppet creations from the imaginations of our own friends and Faerie Magazine contributors, Brian and Toby Froud. The series is called The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, and our minds are racing with guesses as to what characters and stories might be included.

The original film, The Dark Crystal, featured a world imagined by renowned fairy artist Brian Froud (conceptual designer) that was a surreally accurate three-dimensional recreation of his artwork. Froud’s imagination combined flawlessly with Jim Henson’s vision and skill, and the film is now considered a fantasy masterpiece. With Jim Henson’s Creature Shop and Brian and his impressively-skilled puppeteer and artist son, Toby, involved in the project, we have no doubt that the project will be a rousing success.

Deputy Editor Grace Nuth was able to give Toby Froud a quick phone call to ask him some questions about the project.

Faerie Magazine: How hard has it been to know this project was happening and not be able to share it?

Toby Froud: We’ve been on this around five weeks or so. When people have asked us “will Dark Crystal ever happen again” and things like that, my mom and I have had to keep quiet, and say “well, possibly,” and things like that.

FM: Way back at the first Faeriecon, your parents were guests, and announced the possibility of another feature film, so this has been a long time coming.

TF: It has! The idea of doing a sequel has been kicking around for twelve years or so. They did the Power of the Dark Crystal stuff for this big sequel feature, and it never really got off the ground. But then after the resurgence from the Hensons doing all of these competitions, [ex: Jim  Henson’s Creature Shop Challenge on SyFy] and having the fan base be what it is today, it just so happened that they caught the idea doing of a prequel, using all of the writing and lore of the world that now exists in recent years. Netflix said yes, so it became this idea that the Hensons would think in a different way, a prequel instead of a sequel. And now here we are.

FM: Were you and your father directly approached by Netflix, or by the Hensons?

TF: By the Hensons. It’s a Henson-Netflix production. We are a part of the Hensons’ development to build the creatures and world under management of Netflix.

FM: You and your father have worked together in creative capacities informally throughout your life. Was the creation of “Granny” for Lessons Learned the first time you had him create a creature, and you then translated it into a three dimensional puppet?

TF: It was, for a film together. We certainly have done a lot of puppets…Ignatz [Toby’s Froudian puppet, seen at many fairy events like Faeriecon] was my father’s design, and my creation. But Granny was our coming together for film.

FM: Do you anticipate the creations on this Dark Crystal project happening similarly, with him creating the concepts and you interpreting those concepts in three dimensional puppets, or do you and your father plan to work together to create the concepts as well?

TF: We are doing both. What’s very interesting is I am working alongside my father right now in the conceptual designs. I am translating his designs still as well, into three dimensional forms. What is bigger and is the amazing part is the translation of them into puppets. My father and I are giving them these characters; we are developing these ideas with the Hensons…and Louis Leterrier, and Lisa Henson and my father and I are figuring this out, creating this visual. Then the team of the Jim Henson’s Creature Shop, this amazing team, are creating the puppets for us.

FM: Has work already begun on pre-production?

TF: I am in the studios in L.A.! I’m working with them on a daily basis, designing and also fabricating with them. Then my father is in England, and he is designing from there. So work has begun fast and furious!

FM: Of course you can’t tell us anything about new creations, but what is your favorite type of creature in the world of the original Dark Crystal film? Are there any that you are especially eager to bring to life?

TF: Ooh…That is a tough question. I love them in different ways: To revisit all of the Skeksis…To be able to build a Mystic again, things like that. To be able to envision in the new world with new technology and modern times, bringing these creatures up to date in certain ways. I am so excited to see Aughra on screen as well. So that sort of thing is what I can’t wait for. I’m excited to see the new creatures of the world and also the expansion of the world itself. And then we are revisiting certain things of the old world too…that’s what I’m excited for.

FM: Will your mother be assisting on this project as well, or just a father/son duo?

TF: Wendy is certainly consulting on this, especially with the Gelflings, because she did Jen and Kira originally. So I’m working closely with her and also my father. But she was the sculptural designer for those, and so she’s invaluable to our new process.

FM: How does it feel creating a large-scale work that your young son can grow up watching, just as you watched Dark Crystal and Labyrinth growing up?

TF: It’s…I mean it’s amazing. Beyond amazing. This project is very interesting because it’s a legacy. It’s a dream to do this. What is fascinating is that I am the same age my father was when he started The Dark Crystal. So what’s really interesting is that that’s coming to light. It’s wonderful that I get to work with him and the Hensons on this thing. It’s far more than just another project. And yes, to continue that, and to have my son grow up and see this project eventually. It’ll be interesting.

There’s a lot of pressure from fans and from the world. We’re trying. And what will be wonderful is actually the new: the new ways, new look, new feel. The director coming in and putting his vision into this, and the producing team, and Netflix. It’s quite an interesting and wonderful marriage. I think it will benefit, in a lot of ways. I’m excited to see what director Louis Leterrier does: bringing the camera to life in new ways I think the audience will really enjoy.

Netflix is an amazing juggernaut of a company that has great creative taste in what they’re providing the world, and things to come. It’s brilliant. A very clever match.

Fries, Wine, and Bubble Bath

A little CS honeymoon fic, inspired by Jen, the queen of our ship.

Rated M. Also on ao3

She dips her fingers in the water to test the temperature. Nearly scalding, just how she likes it.

“You know,” Killian murmurs sidling up behind her, wearing nothing but his boxers, pressing himself against her from head to toe and wrapping his arm around her front, tangling his fingers in the ties of her robe. “This has to be one of my favorite things about your realm.”

“What? Did you not have robes in the Enchanted Forrest?”

Maybe if she thought a little harder, she would have realized that wasn’t what he was talking about. But he always comments on how much he fancies this realms fashions, especially the undergarments. And her brain has been thoroughly jumbled by their earlier activities so she doesn’t beat herself up too hard for the comment.

“No, love,” he chuckles into her throat, sending a shiver down her spine, nosing at the fabric of his robe against her shoulder. “The water faucet. Bathing was such a tiring affair, especially aboard the Jolly, heating the water and transferring it. It’s magical to be able to simply turn a nob until you’re satisfied. And there was nothing nearly as delightful as these bubbles.”

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Book Smart

I am a voracious reader, always have been.  I discovered the “Supernatural” books years ago gathering dust at my favorite second-hand bookstore and purchased the whole series for $10.  I’ve always been a fan of paranormal stuff so they were right up my alley.

The books were chock full of monsters, ghosts, and demons but I found myself more drawn to the complex relationship between the two brothers, Sam and Dean.  My relationship with my own sister was difficult and the lengths Sam and Dean were willing to go for each other intrigued me.

I read those books over and over.  The spines grew bent, and the pages tattered, but when my work at the hospital made me sad and drained me, Sam and Dean were there to take me away.

When I heard they were making the books into a TV series. I have to admit I was pretty skeptical.  I couldn’t imagine any show would be able to get Sam and Dean right.  Especially Sam. I had such a thing for him.

That combination of strength, intelligence, vulnerability, and faith just did it for me.  He had been through 10 lifetimes worth of pain and damage but he was still determined to do the right thing.

So when the show premiered I watched but didn’t expect much. But it was good.  And I kept watching.  It was Sam and Dean from my beloved books.  This Eric Kripke guy had gotten it right.  

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mc-murphy-80  asked:

Marc said he could never kill Thea being the last relative of Oliver. On Felicity said she would never wear a suit because she is already a hero, a costume would make her laugh. Made this clarification. I also think that Felicity might be dead or go back with a lesser role. MG when asked if Emily had signed the contract he replied that he was discussing. It came up months ago. And if Emily no longer had a contract as regular, but just as a recruiter, like Willa in s5. That's what I'm afraid of

No, MG confirmed to Jen in one of their talks which she shared with us that they’d never kill off Felicity (correct me if I’m wrong in remembering that @jbuffyangel  ) . I’m pretty sure I’ve read it in other interviews with him as well. MG has repeatedly said they are not going to kill off Felicity. He even laughs at the very suggestion because he knows he’s built their entire show around Felicity. Arrow was struggling before introducing Felicity. With her they found their feet. They have freely admitted that over and over and over and over again. You don’t kill off the thing which saved your show. You just don’t. And you don’t put them in the back seat and reduce their role. Not unless EBR asked them too, but again, they wouldn’t have continued to build Oliver’s story around her if that was the case. 

Look, I made the call early on about LL being killed, because I could see it clearly coming with how they were writing her out of Oliver’s story. If you’re not linked to Oliver’s story and don’t have anything going on with your own, and there is someone that is being set up as having both of those things, then you have to worry about that character. Felicity is the total opposite. She is at the heart and core of Oliver’s story. They haven’t moved away from that. And that’s why I’m 100000000000% confident they will not kill Felicity. I’m even more sure of that than I was that LL was being killed off, and I was very sure about that. 

If Olicity had gotten together for good in S3, then there would be potentially more to worry about. Another 4 years of storytelling opens up real possibilities of pulling apart that relationship. The very fact that they’ve slowed down the relationship to play out more beats and have us wait on the wedding/babies etc GUARANTEES us that Felicity or Oliver aren’t going to die. That’s how the flow of stories work. It’s hard to explain if you can’t see it for yourself. It’s kind of like explaining rhythm to someone who doesn’t have it. I can see the rhythm of this storytelling, and I’m telling anyone who wants to listen that they’ll never kill off Felicity because the narrative simply doesn’t support it. It’s not that kind of story. 

I find this worry about killing off Felicity to be a very odd one. Of all the things to worry about on Arrow, that’d be the absolute last one. I clearly can’t stop anyone from worrying about it if they really want to, but I’d just like to point out that I was right about LL dying, I was right about Olicity not being over and reuniting, I was right about GA/BC or GA/BS not being a thing on the writer’s radar. I’m not saying that to brag, I’m saying that in the vain hope that you’ll believe me when I say not to worry about Felicity dying. I told you all it was a waste of energy to worry about Billy and Susan, and that Felicity wasn’t going to get pregnant by Billy and Oliver wouldn’t become second best to Felicity and all the other things people found to get worked up and worried about, and I was right. It was a big old waste of time. Because none of those things fit the story being told. They were never going to happen. Felicity dying is never going to happen. 

Oh, and I’d just like to point out that I was also right about some people not being able to relax and enjoy Olicity’s story, even when they’re together, and here we are. There is a difference about being nervously excited about how Olicity are going to find each other and still believing we’re being pranked by the writers and that they’re never going to follow through. Some people will never have faith in the writers for reasons that feel valid to them (which is fine) but like I’ve said many times before, you’ll always be coming up with these kinds of scenarios because you don’t believe what the writers are telling you, which means you’ll never get to enjoy Olicity. 

I said when they reunited, some people would still fret and that is what is happening. And again, when they marry, those same people will still fret because they’re still equating ‘going with Olicity’ as them having no drama or obstacles to overcome. So, any drama or challenges means the writers are backing away from Olicity. Those people have to let go of that concept because it’s destroying what entertainment Arrow has to offer when it comes to Olicity. That is not how the writers roll with these characters. They will always give them challenges and the very fact that they’ve given Olicity a new challenge to overcome shows how committed they are to the couple, and not the opposite, as some folks seem intent on trying to make out. More drama for Olicity means they’re meant to be and they will be. 

I’m sorry that I sound so obnoxious in this post with all the ‘I told you so’s’. I’m aware I sound like a dick. But beyond the dickish delivery of my message, the message is a good one. If you can’t rewire your brain to think like the writers think and understand their way of telling a story, then you’re always going to be stressed watching Arrow and I find that a real shame because Arrow is like the easiest show in the world to watch to me. Their overall narrative is so obvious, but the plot points they use to tell the story often surprise me. That’s a great combination of having a thrilling ride but knowing you’re completely safe. If you don’t believe in the writers then you’ll never feel completely safe and you’ll flinch at every little twist and turn, not realising you and your ship are utterly safe. That’s always a sad thought for me. :/

anonymous asked:

Hi Calli! It's been a long time since I saw your asks open! I have just a quick question. I guess this could be a question for you and Jen because she doesn't seem to have her asks at all. Anyways, pretty generic question and one I'm sure you're tired of getting, but I'm still curious: after all of the spoilers and interviews we have gotten, do you guys think that Olicity will get back together with each other by the end of season 5? I'm scared they'll stall them again.

Hi. For the cliffhanger, do think that Oliver will be stranded on the island for all hiatus? I’m really hoping this doesn’t happen. I just really hope the cliffhanger isn’t Olicity related. I hope Olicity reunite with each other in S5 and that that isn’t left as a tease/cliffhanger. I’m tired of this game. We’ve more than paid our dues in angst. I’d been like… a year and a half.

Reading your convo and gif war with jbuffyangel was cute lol. May I ask what you’re glass half-empty about? And what do you think the cliffhanger will be?

I’m combining these three anons into one reply since they’re all so similar and arrived in my inbox within several hours of one another. While I was getting some good sleep, there was some concern happening up in here. 

Hi anon(s)! I’ve actually had my inbox open since I returned from my last little break, a couple months ago. Either people didn’t notice or didn’t want to send me stuff, I have no idea. But I’m more than happy to field questions. 

First things first: YES, I think Olicity gets back together by the end of season 5. That’s been my mantra all season long and I’ve only gotten more and more sure of it the closer we get to the end of season 5. My opinion hasn’t changed, I guess, is what I’m saying. We have paid our dues in angst. And the stall has stalled itself out, so to speak. Shows can’t spin wheels forever, eventually the audience gets frustrated and the reasons for spinning those wheels kinda break down. We’re at the end of that, I feel. 

My good friend @jbuffyangel has really gone more in depth on the reasons for believing in a reunion than I’m going to go into. So I assure you, she’s also right here with me in being all systems go for a reunion. 

Now, some of you may have seen the teasing convo she and I had on twitter last night. We’ve been having this argument for a couple weeks now and it’s entertaining and I kinda made it public without really saying what it’s about. It’s clear that maybe some might think we’re arguing about the cliffhanger. Without saying what it’s really about, I will say this: It’s NOT about the cliffhanger. No, it’s far more silly than that. 😉

To be honest, we don’t talk about the cliffhanger that much. I don’t think either of us have a clue about that but I think we both agree that we don’t feel it has to do with the Olicity reunion. Not saying it won’t involve Oliver and/or Felicity, just not their romantic status with one another. I rather feel that’ll be settled in 5x22, actually, leaving the finale for other pressing matters. 

I don’t have any firm specs on what the cliffhanger actually is, but I’m also not really worried about it either. Then again, I haven’t been really worried about anything all season long, so I might be a poor barometer. I understand some are nervous and I get why. I hope you’re pleased with how it turns out, however it turns out. 

Just remember: OLICITY IS RISING. Tomorrow’s episode is just the official start of that. The reunion will likely NOT happen in 5x20 and I hope fans aren’t too disappointed when it doesn’t happen. But it will happen. We’re days away from that reunion. Isn’t that amazing? I don’t know about you guys, but I’m pretty excited about it! 

Fic: Free

anon prompted: HPau where wizard!kurt has a house elf(or semi-elf-semi-human if it’s even a thing)!blaine as a slave and he’s been serving his family since Kurt was born & he’s been a perfect elf and that’s why Kurt wants good for him so he gives him an item of clothing aka lets him free but Blaine doesn’t go anywhere and Kurt’s all like wtf and Blaine says he loves him and wants to stay and well, whatever happens next is all in your hands;)

I didn’t touch as much on the backstory as I could’ve, but I think the gist is there. ~1180 words, PG.

Kurt paced around his room, trying to motivate himself into doing what he knew he should.

It’s not fair to him, Kurt. The Ministry may think he’s a second-class citizen since he’s in your family’s employ, but once he’s free, there’s nothing that can stop him from getting a real job and having a real life. Maybe he’ll even find someone to fall in love with - who wouldn’t love someone as kind as him?

A twist of pain shot through Kurt’s gut at the thought of Blaine falling in love with a shadowy stranger.

“Dammit, Dad, why couldn’t you have been bigoted for once in your life and told me this plan was short-sighted and mean?” Kurt grumbled quietly. “I don’t want to do this! I want - well, I guess it doesn’t matter what I want.”

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“Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing” – Swan Queen and why it’s endgame.

I have been watching Once Upon a Time for around a year and a half. Since starting it, I’ve rewatched it countless times and for one reason only, Swan Queen. To me, and many others, Emma and Regina’s development is the main core of the show. After the best hiatus swen have ever had, I thought it was fitting to create a masterpost and tell/show everyone why The Evil Queen and The Savior are endgame. Brave yourselves, it’s going to be a long one.

I knew we were witnessing something special between these two characters right from their first meeting in the pilot episode. For starters, every gay/bisexual woman knows that theres nothing better than shipping a blonde and brunette, so there’s that. But, all jokes aside, one thing that these women do constantly is talk with their eyes. As an actor myself, one of the first things you learn in training is how important eye communication is. Eyes are the window into a characters soul, eye contact with another character can determine the relationship between them. Half of the time, acting is all about the eyes. So to start off this post, heres our two favourite ladies speaking volumes with the way they look at each other in Season 1.

Ah the first time they meet. They haven’t even spoken two words to each other yet, but notice Emma licking her lips and Regina looking her up and down. The chemistry is undeniable. And so it starts.

Look how Regina never breaks eye contact with Emma. Acting 101 with Lana Parrilla.

Another moment from the pilot. Now I know we would all look like this if we saw Regina Mills approaching us, but Emma doesn’t do the best job of hiding her attrction. I mean just look at her face, it screams ‘holy shit she’s hot af’

Do you remember the whole ‘if you fancied someone in school, you’d push them over in the playground because you don’t know how to deal with your feelings’ analogy? Emma and Regina don’t know how to be nice to each other just yet (YET being the operative word), so cue the sexual tension, longing looks and angst.

One of my favourite early SQ moments just because of Emma’s eyebrow raise. ‘That’s all I’m getting? Oh really well time will tell my friend’. I LOVE SUBTEXT.

It’s all in the eyes, guys, seriously. Why else would Emma get so flustered and pour hot chocolate over herself? It’s cause of Regina Mills, thats why.

This moment is iconic. ICONIC. IT’S ALL IN THE EYES. Even now, when speaking with my fellow swen, this moment is something we all look forward to when we’re re-watching the show. To those who don’t even watch the show and look at this moment without context, it honestly looks like Regina is leaning in for a kiss. It’s even mentioned quite regularly in a lot of sq fanfics. The almost-mine-kiss is nothing short of super gay. And we also see the first time Regina ask for help and turn to someone else when she doesn’t know what to do. And of course, that would be Emma.

Regina is dreaming in this scene, but what does she dream about? Emma coming for her. Coincidence? I think not.

Ok so before I get to the most important exchanging of looks between these two, can I just point out that they really aren’t subtle, at all. Over the seasons, the looks between them escalate from angst and lust to the looks of two women who really do care a lot about each other. But more on that later. For now let’s talk about this.

Sometimes I remember this moment just as I go about my daily life and just think ‘If Emma Swan doesn’t want to bang Regina Mills on her kitchen worktop then I don’t know what the fuck Lana and Jen are playing at’. Seriously, that’s all I have to say about this look.

And that concludes the ‘way too much eye sex and tension in season one’ section of this post. Lets move on to something that is one of the main reasons as to why I think Emma and Regina belong together.


Funny you should say that, Daniel, dear. It could be argued against but magic is the main theme of this show. True love creates the purest magic, it can transcend realms, defeat the strongest of evil and save lives. Mix together light and dark magic and what do you get, Emma and Regina performing the strongest magic. SURPRISE SURPRISE.

We first witness the connection between their powers in the season two premiere. Regina’s struggling to create the portal to the Enchanted Forest until Emma’s touch finally opens it. Right then, I knew they would be making magic throughout the rest of the seasons. Was I wrong? Duh. 

Look at her face, man. You can see the realisation on her face, Emma can use magic, I can use magic, we can create magic together. Yes she’s surprised, but how would you react if you just found out the person you’re lusting after has powers just like you, eh?

Oh I’m so proud of how far these two have come. Even Henry notices it, he knows the potential of his two Moms creating magic together. Then Regina’s face. Again, I can’t stress it enough, it’s all in the eyes. Don’t forget that Regina has so much experience and knowledge about magic, she’ll know that true love is the strongest magic of all, she’ll know that her and Emma’s combined magic is special. SHE KNOWS. Which is why she doesn’t even bother protesting against it when Emma offers to help. Emma knows too, why else would she suggest it? Their magic destroys the trigger and saves the town. What else do I need to say?

Oh the Neverland arc was so important for the development of Swan Queen magic. Who is the biggest supporter of Emma’s magic? Who teaches her to embrace her powers and use them for good? Who can relate to her and show her that having magic makes you special and you should use it your advantage? REGINA MILLS.

There she goes again, believing in Emma Swan. Damn, Regina. You really do care for Emma don’t you, you little shit.

And then it becomes second nature to these two to work together and defeat evil. All it takes is a nod from the other to start up ‘operation lets make magic together’. Also notice the colours of their magic, look familiar? Well of course.


Swan Mills Family

Now we get on to probably the most important part of this post. Family is a huge theme in this show, HUGE. And what is the biggest connection between Emma and Regina? Henry Mills. Their son. All the way through the show, both Emma and Regina have tried to give Henry his best chance, they love their son more than anything else and thats pretty clear to see. Although, to me, the most important thing to notice is the development between this little trio. First we see Regina and Emma fighting over his affections, screaming at each other that he is ‘MY SON’ etc etc. But eventually we see them work together to do the best for their son. I mean, they share a child. How important is that? The answer is VERY. 

Emma and Regina put their differences aside and looked further than petty arguments to notice what they share. They’re both loving and caring mothers to the same boy. Emma backs up Regina in front of Henry, and Regina does the same. Look at how Emma and Regina look at each other whilst in the company of their son. ‘Look at her being a great Mother to our son’ I MEAN COME ON NOW. They’re a family. If that isn’t enough evidence to see Swan Queen as canon, then I don’t know what more you need. But, just keep on reading.

Remember when Adam Horowitz, the creator of this god damn show, tweeted this and then deleted it?

I wonder why he did that, was it to distract us away from the obvious colour choices worn by Emma, Regina and Henry? Well, it didn’t work. Costume is super important when portraying a character so it’s quite fitting that the Swan Mills Family seem to have colour co-ordinated wardrobe, that they share.

Look at the colour parallel(!!!)

I don’t own these gifs so credit to whoever created them, but holy hell doesn’t this speak for itself??? Also, we were treated to season five spoilers recently. One of which was a scene between Regina and Emma. Guess who was wearing a Red blazer – matching the colour of Emma’s infamous red leather jacket? That’s right.

They do enjoy sharing clothes too

Another important factor in all of this is the way Mary Margaret notices. I’m pretty sure she’s certain SOMETHING is happening between her daughter and Regina. Whether it’s scripted or an acting choice by Ginny herself, I don’t know, but it definitely adds fuel to the fire. Take a look for yourselves.

Every look exchanged in these gifs is when Emma is around Regina, talking about her, or wanting to help her. The last one is by far my favourite. Subtext orgy I’m telling ya. ‘Well, we didn’t want to come but your love sick lady wanted to check up on you’. Amazing.


Ok this is going to be a big section, because the entire show is FILLED with paralells left right and centre. Sometimes I lose faith in the writing of this show, but then parallels suckh me back in and I’m like GOD DAMN THIS SHOW IS GOOD. Here’s the key moments that are paralleled with Swan Queen directly. Enjoy.

I suppose having a knack for seeing through people’s barriers is something that runs in the family, am I right?

COLOURS ARE IMPORTANT. Guess what happens a few episodes later?

Can I just…

Anyway, moving on.

Wish for home, wish for family, and that’s what you get.

WOOP there it is

Save the one you love and fight for them. Also, notice the costume choice here as well. Like I said, no coincidence. At all.

I’m sorry to say that this won’t be the only mention of sacrifice between these two, but this is so super important I can’t stress that enough. They don’t want the other to risk their lives for them. They don’t feel worthy. But they do it anyway. I’m sure you know why by now.

Bringing each other back to reality and showing them they’re better than violence. So married.

Probably the most significant and important parallels of the entire show, never mind my otp. I remember watching the episode where we are first introduced to Lily. I was with my best friend, someone who has never seen an episode of Once before. After the episode had finished, I asked her what she thought about it and she said ‘Well it’s pretty obvious Emma is into both brunettes really, is she gay?’ And that was all I needed to hear to be honest. The links between Emma and Lily and Emma and Regina is so so SO obvious. Emma and Lily started off as best friends then turned into enemies, Emma and regina started of as enemies and are surely becoming best friends. But still, the lesbian subtext surrounding these characters is a big as my gay radar.

As well as the obvious growing relationship in the show, the interviews/tweets/conventions that the actors and crew take part in are just as important. No-one knows their character better than the actors, and I think we can all agree that Lana in particular knows her character so well. Jen does too. They speak on behalf of their characters, their show and they really are the best people to ask sometimes. So here’s a list of evidence that supports my argument that Swan Queen is endgame, but also shows the representation Swan Queen finally deserves.


Madame Mayor and Sherriff Swan, The Evil Queen and The Saviour, Emma Swan and Regina Mills. They were always the basis for this show, and they have the strongest development.

Granny is the co-captain of our ship.

Oh Josh.

Never ever forget that this tweet exists.

And now lets move onto interviews from the actors/creators … I consider these the most important, because Swan Queen.

Now why would you put this voiceover on the scene where Emma is happy to see Regina enter the Diner because she invited her there.

The conventions this year have been an absolute blessing for the Swan Queen fandom but this is by far my favourite moment from them all. Lana herself has said that helping Emma was an ACT OF LOVE I mean do I really need to elaborate on that? I shouldn’t have to.


I’m pretty sure that there will be some negative attention on this post, some of it relating to the fact that ‘EMMA AND REGINA ARE STRAIGHT THO!!11!!1!1’ Let me stop you right there.

It’s been confirmed at Dragon Con a few days ago that Regina is indeed bisexual, here’s the link to the interview where Kristin says so.

Heres some more evidence of Regina being hella bisexual, as if you even need it.

However explaining Emma’s bisexuality needs more detail but this post explains it perfectly.

Also, whilst we’re at it, read this theory on the Dreamcatchers. Just do it.


With both of them having such troubled pasts, it’s pretty obvious that trust is important to both of them. That’s why it makes it all the more iconic when they tell each other that they can trust in them to do the right thing.

Low key wanting to bang each other is something that these two are experts on. The amount of times their words can be mistaken for sex talk when taken out of context is actually laughable. Heres just a few examples.

I decided to be a bit mean and leave all the important, and most obvious, Swan Queen moments towards the end of this post. Enjoy it loves. 

Emma is the first thing that comes to Regina’s mind after she collapses, she’s the one that she wants.

For the first time in her life, someone is there for Regina and protecting her, hence why the surprised look on Regina’s face. Emma is her saviour.

LOOK AT HOW EMMA LOOKS AT REGINA WHEN SHE WALKS IN .. This whole episode is a gift from God. Emma notices Regina, Emma wants her there, Emma notices her leaving. Emma always notices her wife.

Emma is Regina’s biggest cheerleader, no doubt about it

The look that Regina gives Emma is so sincere and genuine, she’s super happy to have Emma back.

Nervous Emma is nervous to hold Reginas hand. She’s hesitating for a reason. She knows that her and Regina make magic together, she knows that. I’m surprised she didn’t rub her palm on her trousers because she doesn’t want her wife to feel about sweaty she makes her.

They care enough about each other, they want the other person to be safe.

Regina giving Emma a happy ending at the end of season 3a is super important. All the way through season one, Regina wanted to run Emma out of town and now she’s wanting to give her everything she’s ever dreamed of. And do you know why, because she fucking loves her. Look at how they’re looking at each other. It’s all in the EYES.

Cue romantic zoom

Regina sticking by her wife, because she knows she’s better than Golds plan to turn her dark. Choosing the saviour over everything else is something she’s good for.

Regina taught Emma magic, she knows she’s special, that she’s worthy. So when Regina finds out that Snow and Charming are allowing her to rid herself of her magic, this reaction speaks volumes. Amazing.

Frozen parallels with Swan Queen was the best thing about 4a. Despite the history between her and Regina, Emma still wants the best for Regina. And also, remember when Regina said ‘the next time a happy ending knocks on my I’ll be ready’. Look who does…

This scene is super important though. Emma is trying so hard for her wife’s affections and looks like a child on Christmas morning when she gets what she wants. No two characters relate to each other as much as Emma and Regina. That’s a fact.

What even is this, seriously. The more romantic zooms between these two, the more longing looks they share, the more I’m convinced they’re married.

Regina protecting Emma. Again.

I’m pretty sure Adam and Eddy wouldn’t have edited this moment like this unless they wanted us all to think that Emma Swan is super jealous of Robin touching her wife.

Helping each other, backing each other up, being each others cheerleaders. These two have to foundation for a great fucking relationship and nothing can tell me otherwise.

(And now they can get super drunk together and have sex)

Yin and Yang. Honestly.

Yes, fate does push us, it pushes to the people we belong to be with. That’s why you adopted the Savior’s son.

Emma needs Regina. Regina needs Emma. After so many times that Regina didn’t want Emma around. This is the biggest development of character and relationship in the entire show.

THIS is the moment what Lana was talking about. Regina brings Emma back from darkness and makes her realise the good inside her. It’s an act of love. Lana has spoken.

The first time Regina meets Emma in an alternate universe, she has no idea who she is. She has no clue and yet she understands her, she boinds with her, she listens to her. ENDGAME

Right. I’m so sorry that I’ve left the best/worst Swan Queen moment until the end of this post. But it is the most important development throughout the entire show. First, lets recap what happened in episode 1.08 where Emma saves Regina from the fire.

Emma: Seriously? You’re complaining about how I saved your life?
Regina: (fire engines approach the scene) The firemen are here. It’s not like we were really in danger. Emma: (starts walking away) Fine. Next time I’ll just… I’ll just… Ah, you know what? (turning to face Regina) Next time, I’ll do the same thing. And the time after that because that is what decent human beings do. That’s what good people do.

Next time, she did do the same thing. She sacrificed her happiness, her life, her light magic, for the sake of Regina. She put herself into danger, she put her life into the hands of others, she risked her mental health, she risked her relationships with other people. She gave her entire soul to the darkness just so Regina didn’t have to go through the horror and torment again. She gave everything. Her family didn’t want to, but she did it anyway. Her beared didn’t want to, she did it anyway. She didn’t have to, she did it. Regina didn’t wat to, but she sacrificed everything for the sake of the woman she evidently loves.

Emma and Regina have come such a long way since the start of the show. Their relationship is one of the most genuine, beautiful and legitimate I’ve ever seen on a TV show. They share a son, they are a family. They save each other, they back each other up, they make magic together, they see the best in each other, they want each other to be happy. They belong together.

This post is why Swan Queen is endgame. We will get there one day, we will get what we deserve, what the show deserves. What Emma and Regina deserve. Hang in there, Swen. It’s happening.

Disclaimer: All gifs and pictures aren’t mine, credit goes to the creators. Thanks to sarahpaulsonsfuckinglisp for finding things I couldn’t. All opinions are my own

[Percy Jackson] wake up in a city that never sleeps

Title: wake up in a city that never sleeps [Ao3]
Fandom: Percy Jackson & the Olympians | Heroes of Olympus
Pairing(s): Annabeth/Percy/Nico; Jason/Piper, and past Reyna/Annabeth
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The first time that Nico di Angelo meets Percy Jackson, the older man is studiously not grading the pile of schoolwork in front of him, snubbing his student’s essays in favor of trying to balance a pencil on his nose. It isn’t the most auspicious of first meetings.

Author’s Note: This all started because I decided that a) I wanted to write a fic where Percy was Nico’s happily married TA and b) I wanted to write something based on this. So I kind of combined the two ideas and it exploded into words. Much time was spent googling various New York things while writing this fic, so hopefully I didn’t get anything too wrong. Then last but not least, this fic is dedicated to Jen, who cheered me through this entire thing and helped me out immensely with scenes that were giving me trouble. This is for you, (and also, your wifey, who gave me ideas through you). I’m sorry that I forgot the scene with the glasses. Merry Christmas, everyone! <3

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Fic: Past, Present, and Future

snowystylesx prompted: fic for 6x10 where the samchel scene is a klaine scene and they’re the ones figuring out the new outfits for the glee club. Blaine wears his blazer again (kurt has always loved the blazer) and he and kurt reminisce about the beginning of their relationship/time at dalton.

Full of shoutouts to past Klaine moments and vague allusions to how I think McKinley and Dalton affected our boys, ~1000 words, G.

“You okay?”

Blaine looked up from where he was fiddling around at the piano to see Kurt lounging against the doorframe to the choir room, a concerned look on his face.

“I mean, I know you’re not okay, but are you holding up well?” Kurt clarified, coming to sit next to Blaine on the piano bench.

“I think I’m just…numb,” Blaine said, staring down at his hands. “I don’t want to scream or cry or throw things, but I keep forgetting it’s gone. Even with the kids here, I just keep thinking Okay, don’t forget to do a head count before we bus back to Dalton at the end of the day! and then remembering that we’re not going back. We can’t go back.”

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Spreading Love: Klaroline Style

I wanted to spread some love in the fandom so I went ahead and saved this draft for a rainy day. :) After all the crazy crap that’s been going on, I think its the right time to display all of this. :) Follow these Klaroliners, DAMMIT!!!! I COMMAND YOU!!! 

If I forget anyone’s names, please don’t kill me. xD 

In the tags, those are urls of the names I have listed here in this order. Just so you won’t get confused. 

I love Dani. She’s crazy. XD Just like me! :D

Nicole is so hilarious with her drinking! xD

Then Jade is so lovable like a mom. :) 

Emily is my lovable adorkable sister. :D 

Lia is the best baby sister. :D And Caroline Queen. :) 

Jackie is the unstoppable leader in the Klaroline ship! 

Shirley is just plain funny. xD

Julie is the best Klaroline insighter in everything. :D 

Miranda is already a cool tumblr mom. :) 

Bex is so excitable about everything that it’s not even funny. 


Chelsea: Magnificent is enough. That’s all I’m gonna say. 

Cindy is downright creative and amazing wrapped up in a bow. 

Alyssa is…uh…well, she’s badass. Her and Miranda are from what I’ve been told. 

Cassie is the sunshine - exuberant, needed, and a delight.

Inge in three words: Talented. Creative. Goddess. 

Andelie is one of the nicest people you would ever meet. :) And honest. 

Becky is the best older sister you could have when it comes to tumblr or Klaroline or basically anything. Super friendly. :D

Katie is a cool person and writer. Enough said. 

Alex is such a lovable dork, but she’s the Klaroline fandom’s dork. We’ll keep her either way. :)

Hope is really a lovely person. She loves Klaroline with an iron fist. xD

Ashley has a sense of humor that cannot be copied no matter how hard you try. 

Danielle never fails to make you smile no matter on what kind of day you’re having. 

Deanna is very spontaneous and is a hardcore Klaroline shipper. 

Caryn is like royalty because of all of the stuff she does for Klaroline fandom. She’s a queen. 

Tanya also works tooth and nail for the fandom and she’s Caryn’s partner in crime. 

Isi is one of the creative bunch too. Enough said. :) 

Gail is pure joy, but she can be a little spitfire. 

Yana is such a sweetheart. You just wanna cuddle up with her and squeeze her to death. 

Both Jesses (willowaus and dragonqueenofall) are very kind and compassionate. Very intellectual and wise, they are able to answer any questions you have. ( I decided to combine both.) :)

Giorgia is one of the most delightful and creative Italians I have ever met. I wonder if Giulia and Giorgia are sisters. 

Monika is a treasure. She’s always there to lend a helping hand and always gives warm virtual hugs. :D

Tyler likes to cause mischief, but we love her for it. 

Hana is your come-to idea guru if you need help with storylines. She can come up with plots at a drop of a hat. 

Elle is lovable and can write like a boss. She loves too many things. 

Lea is phenomenal. I don’t think I can say that enough. 

Michelle is so hilarious that she makes me want to crack up laughing like there’s no tomorrow. 

Leah is the best cheerleader you can have for anything. Klaroline or you, it wouldn’t matter. Also talented in creating stuff too. 

Katie (khaleesibitch) is one of the most sassiest people you would ever meet. The sass never stops coming. 

Jen keeps the shade on TO and the sassiness coming in, and I love how she never stops. 

Tonya is one of the older bunch I met recently, and I gotta say this. She’s awesome and more old school. 

Lindsay is very smart and logical in what does whether its fanfictions or her explanations when it comes to the craziness we deal with. 

Felia is flawless. 

Clara is honestly one of the brightest people you could ever meet. She also holds a very good conversations on more than just Klaroline. :)

Stephy is purely a Klaroline Shipper all the way through! Then again, she always has something to say too. 

I know that was a really long post, but I wanted to show love to these wonderful people. They work so hard to make this fandom a happy place, and I am honored in knowing them. Please follow these amazing human beings. :) I love them too much to death. xD

Happy Klarolining, people!

These Words are a Lie ~A Joshifer Fanfiction~ Chapter Five

A/N: Hello there again! Happy early Easter everyone! I hope you’ve all been enjoying your week, especially with Prompts in Panem running and what not! It’s such a wonderful time to bathe in Everlark-y goodness lol, so I hope it has been lovely for you all.

I know, you’re probably thinking, “Why in the world is this posting on a Saturday?” But I do have my reasons, and I apologize for doing so. One, I have a large presentation that I had to give on Thursday. And since I was worrying about it all week, I wasn’t really focused on writing. Also, with PIP running, I wasn’t sure if I was going to participate or not, so I decided to push TWAAL back a bit in order to have some more time on it.

But here it is, in all its angst-y, deathly glory lol! Sorry for the wait, and I hope you all enjoy it.

As usual, I’d like to give a huge thank you to my faithful readers. Every bit of your feedback helps me so much, and I appreciate every single comment from you.

Also, big thank you to catching-dandelions, the great and powerful lol! She’s helped me so much with ideas, but unfortunately for her, she’s actually going into this chapter blind. Fun times are ahead haha

The previous chapter can be found here [x]

All chapters so far can be found here [x]

So then! That being said, and without further adoooo….

The next few days however, did not provide me anyrelief. The next few days did not aid my current mental state in the slightest. If anything, they only magnified my tribulations, adding to the anguish and grief coursing through me.

The days leading to the wrap of The Hunger Games Franchise.

It felt like part of my life was being ripped away from me. I had been working on these films for so long, that it felt nonsensical that it was all just going to…cease.

But it was. There was no stopping it.

The days only continued to fly by, growing closer and closer to that dreaded event.

The cast and crew began showing signs of pure melancholy as we all realized the end was imminent. Every moment on set grew all the more precious. Every second spent with those lovely people grew even more beautiful.

And when that fateful day finally hit, when it hit, we were all unprepared.

It seemed surreal when the words “That’s a wrap” left Francis’ mouth. No one knew what to do.

We couldn’t be done with shooting the Hunger Games. We just couldn’t. It felt like we would continue to come for the rest of our lives, continuing to draw upon the stories.

But we were.

No more Gale. No more Peeta. No more Katniss.

No more waking up in the morning and going to set, preparing for the long day of filming ahead. No more spending the afternoon surrounded by friends, laughing and smiling all the while.

No more time with my wonderful boys, bathing in their comforting, sweet presences.

It was gone, all gone. The best part of my life had drawn to a close just like that.

I remember being pulled into a hug by Woody, Liam, and Josh, their arms encircling me and holding me close. I remember them trying to console me, obviously worried how I was going to take the event. I suppose they assumed I was going to be the most emotional one of all, crying my eyes out and sobbing until my lip trembled.

But oddly enough, I wasn’t.

I was completely numb.

They were right, I should have been the worst off. But all the pain, all the tribulations, all the torturous days and nights that I suffered through the past few weeks, had taken their toll.

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Like Good Little Girls

Last night, I engaged in some sadness baking. I know, I know, we shouldn’t eat our feelings, but I have so many goddamned feelings these days that a little weakness is to be expected. 

Before I could do this baking, I needed that random selection of items that could only easily be acquired at Walmart. I have lived in this town for four years. I have likely been to the Walmart no more than five times. It is an evil, filthy place. I literally mean that. Cleaning is not a priority there. But I needed mouthwash, a weird baking pan, a sift, some sour cream, some Diet Cherry Pepsi and some Zantac.

The thing about Walmart, and I always marvel at this, is how fucking cheap everything is. That store is pure evil. I bought fruit punch for two dollars! There’s a reason why they are taking over the world. They know the human weakness for a good bargain. 

Anyway, I also picked up some hair products.

The cake I made was Ina Garten’s (genuflect) sour cream coffee cake

What feelings, you ask? Well, I can’t tell you about ALL of them. I do keep some things to myself. Imagine me cutting my heart open here. It’s a bloody mess. 

Meanwhile, I creamed together butter and sugar for about five minutes. That shit got creamy as hell. I love my Kitchen Aid. It brings me such happiness. I guess this is nearing forty–a fondness for kitchen appliances. Or, I am sublimating all my desire into kitchen appliances. I don’t know.

Baking, as I’ve said before, relaxes me. I don’t even need to eat what I bake. I just like making baked goods. My friends like that I like making baked goods. It’s a win-win situation. To be clear, though, I was going to eat some of this coffee cake. 

Jen Doll interviewed me for Mental Floss. 

I added the cake flour (which, I learned is not the same as flour four), salt, baking powder and baking soda to my brand new sifter and I sifted that stuff into a very fine powder. I was rather impressed with myself. SIFT SIFT SIFT. 

I have this bizarre habit of looking at the clock and subtracting two hours. There are still flecks of pink polish on my thumbs. Wherever I go, there you are. 

I added the eggs, one at a time, to the creamed butter, along with the sour cream and a lot of vanilla. I didn’t even measure that shit because vanilla is awesome. As Ina counseled, I used good vanilla. Nothing but the best, Ina. Nothing but the best.

Most of my sadness is that men are really getting me down. It starts with Facebook.

Men message me on Facebook. They are incessant. Sometimes, it’s just “hi” every single day, and nothing else. Like, you can’t do better than that? Other times, it’s way more aggressive with UNSOLICITED, really forward sexual conversation–nasty ass, banal sexual talk. I’m a freak but I’m a high class freak. You need to work for this with your dirty talk. 

This is when I start to get mad. I ignore it. Sometimes I block, but what’s the point? There are so many that I could literally make a part time job out of blocking these guys. Most of the time when I ignore these fuckers, they go away. There are always a persistent few, however. This week’s most persistent asshole messaged me a couple days ago with some nastiness that only someone I am sleeping with is allowed to say to me, thank you very much, and then he said, “You are a stuck up bitch.” Fine. Whatever. The next day, he messaged me again, asking, “Still a stuck up bitch?”

I fucking snapped. You are goddamned right I am still a stuck up bitch. Where some men are concerned, I will always be a stuck up bitch.

It’s pathetic that stuck up and bitch are these labels applied to women when we’re not sitting around waiting to satisfy a man’s wants and desires. 

This all got me thinking about the harassment women deal with online and on the street and everywhere in life. I started thinking about every time a man has been mean or callous or horribly gross with me and there are so many instances that it is, essentially, a constant, white noise, background music. 

We shouldn’t have to live like this. I shouldn’t have to keep writing about this. I shouldn’t mention this on Twitter and have countless women sharing their own stories of men licking them and jerking off at them in public and calling them a bitch when they rebuffed his advances.

We should not have to live like this.

And then, I thought, “I’m not young or hot. How do those women deal with a magnified quantity of this shit?”

Then I got mad at myself for having low self-esteem.

The real issue was that I suddenly felt unsafe. There is nothing I hate more than feeling unsafe. 

Once the wet ingredients were well blended, I set the mixer on the lowest setting and slowly added the flower until everything was combined.

What didn’t help was going to see Transformers 4, which is by far one of the worst movies I have ever seen. First of all, this bloated travesty is nearly three hours long. I was warned, but I thought people were just being “funny.” This movie is offensive in every way a movie can be offensive. It is cynical, heartless, at times embarassingly lazy, and always absurd. It is racist and sexist. There are egregious plot holes. There are transformer dinosaurs and that’s all I will say about that element of the shit show. 

Mark Wahlberg is the star of this installment. His name is Cade Yaeger. That’s Michael Bay ejaculating ALL OVER EVERYTHING. Cade is a half-assed inventor in “Texas.” We’re not given a town name. He’s just in Texas. He has a daughter, Tessa, about to graduate from high school. He is a widower. He is very overprotective and she’s not allowed to date. This movie is so regressive as to make me wonder if Michael Bay took a time machine back to 1955 to write the script. Throughout the movie, Cade Yaeger basically installs himself at the breach of his daughter’s hymen because a young woman’s worth is tied up in her virginity and graduating high school or something like that.

Tessa spends  most of the movie flouncing around in microshorts and tight shirts to show off her impeccably toned, delectably tanned body. Fine. This is what Michael Bay does with women in the Transformer movies. But Tessa also spends the movie coquettishly imperiled as she is threatened with murder, grabbed up into an alien ship and otherwise thrust into life-threatening situations PG-13 style. She spends her time crying for her boyfriend (who inexplicably shows up at the end of the first act), or crying for her father, or just crying for generalized help instead of trying to help herself. Her eyes remain wide, her make up perfect, and her lips curve in a very suggestive “O." 

It was time to make the strudel, so I combine flour, cold butter, brown sugar, and a pinch of salt, using my hands, even. 

Michael Bay’s contempt for women is so palpable throughout the entirety of this Transfomer’s movie that I almost walked out. It was just too much. It was too fucking much. 

We could talk about how in the third act, first they are in Beijing, then it’s Guangzhou, then it’s Hong Kong, even though these are very distinct cities in China.

We could talk about the racism throughout the movie with the "black” robots speaking in a mockery of AAVE and with every Chinese person knowing kung fu.

We could talk about epic swaths of destruction and Kelsey Grammer, as the evil CIA man trying to save the planet from aliens, acting like the destruction could still, somehow, be covered up.

But no, let’s leave the more minor offenses aside because they pale next to the movie’s flagrant, oppressive misogyny. 

Fuck this movie. Fuck every single second of it. 

With the batter ready, I poured half of it into my cake pan and then I covered the top with my strudel.

The older I get, the more I struggle with the careless ways in which the word “bitch” is used in popular culture. At the end of, “All Me,” for example, Drake, that precious zygote of a man, ends the song with a gratuitous, bizarre, “Lil bitch.” Kendrick Lamar, who offers up some really elegant lyrics in his music, has a song called, “Bitch don’t kill my vibe.” I like the song but my enjoyment is always marred by these moments of despair that a man who can talk about how his punctuation curves cannot come up with something better than the word, “bitch.”

There are all sorts of justifications for the use of the word “bitch” in popular culture but increasingly, I see it as a staggering lack of imagination and one more way in which our culture actively supports the hatred of women. These creators aren’t going to change because we won’t demand it. That’s how little we think of women and women’s dignity. Accepting that is a bitter, bitter thing.

In Transformers: Age of Extinction, the  most offensive part was, unexpectedly, the gratuitous use of the word, “bitch.” Anytime one of the men did something they were proud of, they punctuated their action or statement with the word, “bitch.” LOOK AT ME BEING A MAN, BITCH! They were insulting the aliens or the bad government guys, but the vocabulary they chose to use, time and again, was the word ubiquitously used to denigrate women.

Again, this is how little we think of women. The denigration is part of our vernacular.

I’m sick of it. 

I added the rest of the batter, and then topped the cake with the remaining strudel. Then I put it in my pre-heated oven at 350 degrees. 

I don’t even know what to say or do at this point. It all seems so inescapable–online harassment, street harassment, the microaggressions and the full on aggressions women face, the rampant sexual violence women face, and then our popular culture reflecting this sickening reality and asking us to consume it quietly, like good little girls.

I was a good girl for a long time and it never did me any good. We should all be done being good girls if it means swallowing sexist, toxic bullshit that will only continue killing us softly. 

The recipe called for 55-60 minutes but my oven is a LIE OVEN. It took 75 minutes to bake the coffee cake. It turned out quite well. I had a piece this morning for breakfast and it was very good. Next time, I will figure out how to make the cake just a bit moister. 

I would like to not feel unsafe and unsettled when I go online, or when I leave my house. I would like to feel like my body and my dignity matter. I would like these things for all women. 

I suppose I was angry baking more than sadness baking. That’s what stuck up bitches do. 

The Key To Oliver Queen: Barry Allen vs. Diggle & Felicity

emmykentmg submitted:

I’m sorry if I’m bothering ya but you are my go to person in all things Arrow. This post just popped up on my dash. One of the coolest guys I follow re-blogged this and answered because I’m sure he was upset by this post as much as I am. I’m actually angry and sad at the same time.

You have no idea how much I wish I could say something about this because apparently she is not watching the same show as the rest of us. I wish I’m as good as expressing my feelings as you are. This stupid post hurt me in my soul. It completely dismissed  both Diggle’s & Felicity’s important in Oliver’s life. WTH??

I get that Barry is important but the way I see it Oliver is more important in Barry’s hero journey than the other way around. My God!! The more I kept reading that article the livid I got. I rarely get this upset by a post (mainly because I don’t venture out of my bubble). This just felt like a hard punch in the gut. And it was from an “Olicity” shipper no less.

Please, Please say something… I know you’re busy and you probably don’t have time to jump into other people’s posts and comment on those. It’s just, I’ve never seen anything more hurtful…

Thank you.

Hi Emmy.  First you never bother me. I’m happy to help if I can. I’m late to the party but better late than never I guess. Right? I read the post you referenced.  My response? Eh.

I don’t mean that disrespectfully to the person who wrote it. There are some points I agree with, but the majority I disagree with.  Am I super angry about it? Nah. Why? This person is certainly entitled to their opinion and they are obviously a huge Barry Allen fan. Which is fine…I’m a big Diggle & Felicity fan. We all come to the party with our own perspectives. However, I think what concerned me is the theory showcased some fundamental misunderstandings about Barry Allen, Oliver Queen, John Diggle and Felicity Smoak…in my opinion of course.

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[Anniversary Chat Transcript]


> It’s been a while, but finally the chat transcripts are ready for people to peruse! Please thank @idreim and @venhediss for being a massive help in getting everything compiled!

> As a quick note, these logs are over 6,000 words long. I’d recommend that if you’re looking for anything specific that you do Ctrl-F to search for buzzwords.

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Effing the Ineffable with Nick Desjardins

Nick (a-new-american-classic) prepared for this interview by blasting Kiss and making his way through a six pack of Shiner. Having thus established he was sufficiently lubricated to be put through the interview wringer, there remained one last important factor to sufficiently set the mood:

Jen: I feel like I should have some music playing in the background. What do you recommend?

Nick: Van Morrison. Moondance if you have it. Seriously, Crazy Love/Caravan/Into the Mystic, what a great three-song stretch.

Jen: You and I, we both listen to and have appreciation for albums as albums. I dig that a lot.

Nick: Well yeah. I mean, it’s not any different from a book. It’s a creative work. Gatsby’s great; Gatsby’s quotable. I have favorite parts, but it’s meant to be consumed as a whole piece.

Jen: But don’t you think the focus of major labels on singles has detracted from the album as a whole piece, made albums today less comparable to novels and more to say, short story anthologies?

Nick: Well, if that’s what you’re listening to, that’s absolutely the case. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you can’t write a big huge piece, but you can write a half dozen short, easy-to-digest pieces.

Jen: Actually, that brings up something people like to bitch about on Tumblr a lot. Do you think there’s something about the medium of Tumblr that lends itself more to short pieces than longer ones? I mean, I see a lot of worry that something someone’s posted is “too long for Tumblr,” and I know you have a little series called “Short Stories for Short Attention Spans” … have you noticed a difference in the reception of those compared to your longer pieces?

Nick: Well, if you look, poetry – which I think we can agree tends to be shorter in most cases – tends to get a hell of a lot more notes, if that’s what you’re going for. If you’re giving 5,000 words to Tumblr, you’re giving too much. Plenty of mags won’t even take 5,000 words. I think if you even hit 1,000 you’re pushing it. I think anything over six or seven good paragraphs and you really run the risk of getting glossed over, unless you’ve got a hell of a hook in the opening. You know?

Jen: (mutters to self about certain collabs that were pushing 4,000 words)

Nick: Hey, and those got plenty of notes. But like I said, it’s pretty rare. They’ve got to be really killer writes.

Jen: Nah, I get it. I mean, I’m going to ignore the fact that you basically just described our collabs as killer writes, because this isn’t supposed to be about us drooling over our collective writing ability and whatnot. And I think you’re making a great distinction here, which is that you’re looking for readers rather than notes per se. And in that case, I agree with you. I’d rather have a solid 700-800 word piece that gets read than one that gets glossed over. At the same time, I think familiarity plays a role in that, to the extent that it’s perhaps more difficult for new writers on Tumblr who write mostly longer pieces to gain large followings – as compared to more established writers who’ve built up their readership base with shorter pieces.

Nick: Well, you’ve seen what I’m working on, you know the trouble I’m having stretching things out. But with Tumblr, it’s just a fickle beast. I think no matter what, if what you’re doing is good, if you’re a writer, and it’s clear cut and apparent and you can actually take your words and make them hit home with someone (like when Van Morrison gets all gruff on Into the Mystic … “I wanna rock your gypsy soul”) you’re going to find an audience. But if you’re just starting and you’re delivering these epic sagas of sprawling, floral prose, I really think you might as well just be pissing up a wall.

Jen: Speaking of your novel, I know you’ve gotten a few anon questions about it … care to toss out an elevator pitch?

Nick: Um. Yeah. I guess I can elevator pitch it out there. You’ve read, what, roughly ¼ of the first draft – which to me is crazy to think, wow, there’s so much to it already. But basically. Look, I’m Catholic – or, I’m supposed to be. I’m a pretty shitty Catholic to be honest, and I think there’s a lot of things in the faith that just seem goddamn ridiculous. So, the book is about this guy who’s spent the last twelve years in purgatory, just absolutely miserable, but working off his sins trying to get the hell out of there. And it’s his last day, y'know? He’s on his way to fill out the papers, sign his name, dot his i’s and cross his t’s, and get on to a better place.

But there’s always a catch, right? And the catch here is he’s sitting in this cosmic waiting room, a girl walks in, and she’s fresh off the boat, condemned to purgatory. And he’s got to know more about her. He’s got to know who she is, what she’s about and why he’s drawn to her. And so he pulls the strings to stick around for a little while.

And yeah, it talks about how ridiculous religion can be, but mostly it’s an examination of people, and relationships, what we’re willing to do to foster them, even when they may not be the right thing to do. I guess you don’t really think of a coming-of-age story when you think the afterlife, but I like it.

Jen: I like it too. But I’ll tell you a secret: I told a friend (who shall remain nameless) that I was editing your novel, and he was basically like “Let me guess – there’s a guy, and a girl, and a bar. And it probably ends badly.” I had to admit that wasn’t too far off the mark.

Nick: Is there a nice way to tell someone to eat a dick?

Jen: You do have a niche, Nick.

Nick: I do, I absolutely do have a niche, and it’s certainly incorporated here, but give me a little credit, there’s a lot of growth too. It’s still irrefutably heartbreak porn. But it’s a lot more than that too.

Jen: Do you feel like Tumblr has played a role in your writing career? And you’ve been published enough I think we can safely call it a career.

Nick:  I think you’re being kind, but I –

Jen: I’m being incredibly kind. I’m interviewing you, I’m s'posed to kiss your ass a little.

Nick: I’ll take it. Yeah, I think Tumblr has definitely played a pretty substantial role, because it’s basically been an open forum for scratch-work, I guess. If I have an idea I like, I can throw it at Tumblr and see if it sticks. It’s definitely not all scratch-work, not even close, but it’s a great way to refine what you do. I’m a better writer today than I was a year ago, two years ago, three years ago, and the feedback has definitely helped that.

Jen: Anyone besides me you care to name who’s helped you in that regard?

Nick: Besides you? Justin Porter (portersnotebook). I think the two of you have definitely been the ones who have pushed me and offered real critique and advice. Gibson Grand’s been great too (gibsongrand), for encouragement as well, and Vlada (the-vee-word), though she isn’t around so much anymore. I think, for every real, serious problem I have with the community, I can find someone who gives me some faith in it.

Jen: Ah, that dreaded word. Community. Tell me, Nick. Is there a “community”? Is it some cloistered clique of arrogant elitists with labyrinthine requirements to acceptance?

Nick: No, I don’t think so at all. But then again, I see it very differently, probably even controversially. I think the community is incredibly open, accepting, and encouraging, to a fault. You have people going out of their way to find new writers, and to bring people into I guess what you’d call the mainstream. But once you get pulled in, it’s sort of on you isn’t it? I mean, if you’re coming to tumblr to write for the sake of writing, you’re not caring about those notes. And to be honest, man, part of it’s personality.

Jen: Like the line in Pulp Fiction: “… a dog’s got personality. Personality goes a long way.”

Nick: Exactly. There are some writers who I don’t think are worth a lick, but a little personality goes a long way in that regard. Personality will get you pretty far with people, and it’ll get you out of a lot of trouble. Lord knows we’ve had some of the “big names” have big controversies. Conversely, there are some people who are absolutely dull and uninteresting, but they can write things that hit you like a punch in the gut. There’s no sure-fire way to break through the wall, but I don’t think the wall exists. If you’re a writer, and I mean really a writer, you’ve got the chops and the drive and raw talent that not everyone has, you’ll make it through. And if you’ve got an out-there personality and you can write pretty okay, you’ll make it through too. I mean, it took me two full years to get anywhere.

Jen: So it all comes down to what you’re doing it for.

Nick: It comes down to drive, and comes down to talent, be it with words or with people, or a combination of both. I’ve said it before and we’ve talked about it, there’s a quote floating around tumblr with my name attached to it. At the end of the day, not everyone is cut out to be a writer. If we could all do it, we all would. But if we could all act, or fix our own cars, or cook five star meals, we’d all do that too. I don’t want to be discouraging, don’t get me wrong. If someone asks me to read their stuff I do it happily, but I’m not one to give false hope either.

Jen: (that floating business is I think my fault)

Nick: It is, and I’m okay with it. I stand by what I said.

Jen: You, me, and Hemingway, we’ve got something in common.

Nick: Alcoholism?

Jen: That too. No, I meant the not-giving-false-hope bit. I think it depends on someone’s motivation. If they’re not looking at writing as a craft, if they’re just doing it for catharsis, a sort of public diary or some such, they’re not going to be interested in “improving” in any technical way. But for people who are serious about being a WRITER, an Author, even, it’s absolutely like you said – not everybody can do it, and there’s no sense telling people they have if they haven’t.

Nick: Yeah, I just can’t encourage that, especially when you have all this time to figure out what you really are good at. Maybe you’re a damn good pastry chef, so put down the pen. Maybe you’re meant to be the best goddamned accountant in the state of Idaho. I don’t know.

Jen: Actually I’m just really into typewriters and looking pensive while scribbling in Moleskines.

Nick: Yeah man. You can cultivate that image, and a lot of people do. And you know what? That’s not to take away image, because if you’re gonna be a writer right now, you’ve got to sell an image too. As awful as that is, as much as Bill Hicks would fucking hate it, you have to sell an image. And there are plenty of us who aren’t sitting around with typewriters and Moleskines.

Jen: Write what’s real and true, as Hemingway would say.

Nick: I like to think when you read something I write, when you see something I post, you know it’s the real me. Whether it’s me bitching about depression, or it’s my Springsteen-ass picture, of if it’s just another sad story about a guy and a girl.

What’s great, is when you find someone with an image, but you know it’s really true to them. You know? I mean, on Tumblr, it’s not hard to completely falsify your image. It’s been done. But you know, the real shit. The stuff worth keeping around, and showing off, it’s all real and honest.

Jen: Who are some of those people for you? The people you enjoy reading?

Nick: Well, You, Porter, Gibson Grand, Vlada, of course. I like what Salty (freefallinletters) does when she writes. Silver-tongue-bastard and theincomplete I definitely appreciate. Matty (raisethecurve) always impresses me and Bill Winchester (brightlightsloudnoises). I think everyone should be reading both Kate (aclockworkplum) and Ruth (unbearablysharp), without question. Danielle (whiskeyatdawn) is definitely coming into her own lately, and I’m really digging it. Kristen (girlvswhale) and Carol (shadow-writer). Joy (aquietjoy) is of course always promoting people, as is Noelle (edgeandvoidfriction), and they both deserve a lot of credit. Jack (franticallylost), Stimie (howitzerliterarysociety). Also Amber (kittenscoffeeandhighheels). She’s still finding her voice, but I think there’s a lot of room for growth, and I like what she does so far. If I missed anybody. Yeah, that probably happened, blame it on the beer.

Jen: Perfect. Well, Van Morrison just called, and he told me this interview was running too long and he had better things to do. Any final words of wisdom to impart to the masses?

Nick: Can I just tell everyone I don’t think you know Van Morrison? Nah, I’m not really a spur of the moment, words of wisdom kind of guy. I like to think I’m open to giving out advice and thoughts in the old ask box, so I think here I’m going to be as broad as I can be (and also quote Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey.) Be excellent to each other. Now get out of here, I’ve got this book to write.

Austen Anon

So, here are some thoughts from someone who loves the show and did her dissertation on Austen:


Right, Sense & Sensibility scholar here, back again. Watched the ep… quite…. ? I don’t think the writers understand Sense and Sensibility. Their connections are basic and drivel. It’s like they only watched the ET version and slept through the first half… and then the second half. I understand it’s meant to be a broad understanding, but even the broad analysis involving the characters is just… rotten. And I say this not on the side of any ship other than my other than my beloved Austen.

Okay, last rant from Austen/S&S/English scholar here, I do love this show and I think it’s great but they had such an opportunity to make the parallels to the story count. Regardless, I will give it benefit of the doubt. I’d say for broad viewers, they have left both romances at a 50/50, which poses both girls as 50/50. By the end of the episode, Riley and Maya have given Lucas their sense and sensibility evenly. Riley acknowledges to Charlie she needs more than sense, Maya acknowledges to Lucas she needs more than sensibility (by agreeing to be nicer to him). So this, as I said before in one of my Austen-filled rants, leaves it up to Lucas. How does he view the girls? Because ultimately it is his perspective that will reveal and display the true emotions of the girls towards him, nothing has been shown from his thoughts or perspective… which, if we’re going back to S&S, is a complete combination of Edward and Brandon. Both men are actually driven by sense.

People don’t realize this. Edward protects his heart because he is bound by duty to Lucy and fears he never had a chance with Elinor at all (again, Riley can’t be Elinor here, Lucas assumed them together SO much he felt he didn’t even need to ask her to a dance). Brandon shields his advances towards Marianne because he believes her happy- no matter how much he hates Willoughby. Both men have a LOT in common and actually help each other through the girls without ever actually meeting. And I genuinely believe Lucas has becomes a merging of both men.

And like Edward and Brandon- they remain COMPLETELY silent about their feelings. Both are so frustratingly driven to put the emotions of the women around them first, that it literally takes Edwards fiancé to MARRY HIS BROTHER and Willoughby the GET ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE for them to take steps towards these girls WITH their consent (ugh, Austen, keeper of my soul). They tiptoe.

So if Lucas is both Brandon and Edward (which he HAS to be) then to look at this objectively, from a NON-ship standpoint and really just from my lit studies in plot etc., the writers have tipped Rucas and Lucaya to be 50/50… and I’ll admit, even with the slight skewing of perhaps one of the greatest pieces of literature ever (my bias), they’ve done it quite cleverly. In my honest objective opinion, regarding the plot itself, it is 50/50 between the two ‘ships.’ My subjective opinion? …50/50.

I can’t separate my studies. I do HOPE for Lucaya…

(6/6) (sorry i filled up my asks for the hour lol) here’s what it said plus a little bit more because I have more room here… 

“Come, come; this is all an effusion of immediate want of spirits, Edward. You are in a melancholy humour, and fancy that any one unlike yourself must be happy. But remember that the pain of parting from friends will be felt by everybody at times, whatever be their education or state. Know your own happiness. You want nothing but patience – or give it a more fascinating name, call it hope. …”

Mrs. Dashwood to Edward, Chapter 19. He is openly discussing with the family during his visit about his confusion and sadness towards his forced duty-driven life. That his mother, his sister, and mostly society has expectations of him that he does not know if he wants to fulfill or if he even can. 

Versus Brandon who disregarded his duty when he was young and fell in love with Eliza, (and this is a whole tragic love story we won’t get into it). Brandon encourages Marianne’s passion, (cough girl meets Creativity) because he knows what it is like to have it stifled and removed from oneself. 

To be clear, Lucas isn’t entirely Edward or Brandon. He’s a combination of different parts. And this is assuming that the writers even get the male parallels possibly right. Which brings me to… (if they even parallel this correctly if they’re still on it)…  the whole point of the story–


Last thing- (promise) Sense and Sensibility is not an exciting heart pounding romance, like Pride and Prejudice seems to be to a lot of people. What’s curious about it, and what people don’t realize as it only exists in the backstories- is this is a novel entirely based on second loves, second romances, second attachments. 

-Mr Dashwood? Marianne and Elinor’s father, Mrs. Dashwood’s husband? Was married once before Mrs. Dashwood. She was his second marriage after his first wife dies, he genuinely fell in love again with her and they married. 

-Marianne ends up with her second love, Colonel Brandon. And Marianne, as we know, is his second love as well, after Eliza. 

-Willoughby marries a second romance, but not his second love, Marianne was his only? We don’t really know, he has a habit of impregnating girls. But we know he genuinely loved her and that he does not end up with her. Probably a testament to his bad-boy behaviour. 

-Lucy Steele even gets married to her ‘second love’ if you can call Robert that. 

-Edward marries Elinor, his second love after Lucy. Elinor… now she is complex and the only exception to this rule. However, her love is different. She didn’t permit herself to love, to hope. And perhaps it’s because her behaviour, her subdued behaviour IS the moral of Sense and Sensibility (can’t believe you got this wrong, Girl Meets World, as Marianne literally STATES it in the end), Elinor perhaps is rewarded with marrying her first love. 

And for those of you wondering maybe this is a coincidence, no- Chapter 11, between Colonel Brandon and Elinor WHO —-

 —ACTUALLY build a very strong friendship together and are multiple times questioned by others as to why they aren’t together and are at times ARE believed to actually be together because of the convenience of their ages, temperament, closeness, etc.  It is literally ASSUMED THAT THEY ARE (Mrs. Jennings, etc), but their feelings don’t grow more than friendship (it’s because they’re older and wiser, they already know this) -Think about THAT for a second! (I can literally go on for bloody years right now)— but back to the second attachments—

His eyes were fixed on Marianne, and, after a silence of some minutes, he said with a faint smile, “Your sister, I understand, does not approve of second attachments.”

   "No,“ replied Elinor, “her opinions are all romantic.”

   "Or rather, as I believe, she considers them impossible to exist.“

   "I believe she does. But how she contrives it without reflecting on the character of her own father, who had himself two wives, I know not. A few years, however, will settle her opinions on the reasonable basis of common sense and observation; and then they may be more easy to define and to justify than they now are, by anybody but herself.”

A whole episode on Riley feeling self conscious about her parents first love (GM C&T). Makes more sense to feel that equivalent towards first loves than Marianne’s unjustified (and really makes no sense considering her parents) regard towards it. 

Then in this part, they go on to Marianne needing to not be stifled to have her unique opinions remain her own and not be covered by common opinion, which Elinor disagrees with, blah blah blah… 

But THEN, Brandon actually disagrees with Marianne’s thoughts/ belief’s on first loves, but not on her entire passionate way of thinking- 

“Does your sister make no distinction in her objections against a second attachment? or is it equally criminal in everybody? Are those who have been disappointed in their first choice, whether from the inconstancy of its object, or the perverseness of circumstances, to be equally indifferent during the rest of their lives?”

   "Upon my word, I am not acquainted with the minutiae of her principles. I only know that I never yet heard her admit any instance of a second attachment’s being pardonable.“

  “This,“ said he, "cannot hold; but a change, a total change of sentiments – No, no, do not desire it,…" 

If Riley is Elinor (again– what?), and they’re going with the basic route of minimal understanding, Riley could get her first love. But Elinor herself doesn’t even believe in first loves- unlike Riley’s whole world revolving around it. Elinor understands the complexity of life, and barely believes in love itself as a possibility for her life as she’s passed a "certain age” (19) which is like… 49 today.

And if Edward hadn’t been engaged to Lucy for so long, he would have been already married to someone else by the time he met Elinor. Lucy was necessary (plot and otherwise) to keep Edward single for Elinor because by her age at that time, she was ‘a spinster’ and it was nearly impossible for her to find someone. That’s touched upon by the ‘expectations’ his mother and sister have for him and are still confused by his 'singleness’ (they didn’t know he was engaged). For the story to work, he HAD to have a first love in order to possess his second true love. 

So the point of this whole second half ramble, there is no advocacy for first love in the novel at allThe entire point of it is the exact opposite! It not only advocates second love, but it truly is the entire plot basis and pure device and reasoning for anyone that ends up together in the past and present of the novel. Without second love, the novel itself would not exist. 

If Pride and Prejudice suspends the reality of everyday possibility for women like Lizzy Bennet and is the expense for sustaining a deep character study to produce two of the most complex and realistic characters in literature— then Sense and Sensibility suspends the reality the realism of two polar opposite characters who at times border unrealistic common behaviour, coming off as comic-like and entirely humorous, in order to sustain a harshly realistic setting and time and expression of real life and love. 

If Boy Meets World were Pride and Prejudice, then Girl Meets World could be Sense and Sensibility.

(This is Austen anon I hope I’m not too late I forgot to tie the end in!! )

SO- to tie it all up, I think Girl Meets World is about second loves… Farkle to Smackle–> Farkle to Riley. Riley to Lucas –> Riley to Farkle, Maya to Josh –> Maya to Lucas, Lucas to Riley –> Lucas to Maya. Zay to Vanessa –> Zay to ____? I think Lucas did 'love’ Riley first because she was pushed on him first. But again, second attachments…. often our reality. That’s where my objectivity meets my subjectivity :)


Okay… now I’ll really shut up. Sorry for filling your asks love! I really am very sorry. I’m being rather obnoxious and inconvenient. I’m more annoying than I realized until just now. Post what you wish! Or just smash them all into one and tag me as a nuisance lol

Oh, the Places You'll Go – Chapter 2

Summary: Dan Howell, an awkwardly pessimistic teenager with a passion for nothing, has always lived in his famous brother’s shadow—not wanting any attention or fuss. But when his family hires his brother a new agent, Phil Lester, will he help Dan to change his views on fame…and maybe himself, too?


“This is wonderful, Mrs Howell,” Phil compliments as he piles more chicken into his mouth generously. “You’re a fantastic cook.”

My mum literally beams from the far side of the dining tableas she places her hand over her heart.

“Thank you, dear,” she says happily, looking more than pleased with herself as I watch her try to suppress her smile. It takes every ounce of willpower I possess within me to keep my eyes on my own plate instead of rolling them at how ridiculously serious she sounds. “But please—call me Jennifer. I insist. Mrs Howell is far too formal.”

This time, though, I’m definitely unable to hold back my eye-roll (and maybe an almost-silent scoff, too) as she literally somehow manages to defy all expectations I had placed on her by coming across as even more pretentious. 

The situation is only made worse when Phil smirks slightly, lifts up his glass, and says “Thank you, Jennifer.”

Keep reading

So ‘debonair’ George has been 'tamed’, while 'tragic’ Jen was 'saved’ – no surprise there

Reports of Amal Alamuddin’s 'snaring’ of George Clooney are every bit as predictable as those of Jennifer Aniston’s 'just in the nick of time’ engagement to Justin Theroux

Poor George Clooney. Poor tragic, oldster, childless, longterm singleton George Clooney. Did you know he’s over 50? Did you know he got divorced over 20 years ago and has not been married since? Instead, he has lurched pathetically, hopelessly from one failed relationship to the next, his biological clock going tick-tock-tick-tock. Meanwhile, his ex-wife, Talia Balsam, who was clearly too good for him, remarried sexy John Slattery from Mad Men and had a son. A family. Ouch! That must have hurt.

But now, lucky George has finally found a woman in the nick of time, and has somehow convinced her to marry him. They got engaged after only seven months of dating, which proves how desperate poor/lucky George Clooney is. I bet he’s going to turn into a right Groomzilla now and insist on having a baby immediately.

I jest, of course. Clearly that is not the way George Clooney’s unmarried life and recent engagement were reported in the media, because George Clooney is a man. Therefore, he is a sexy, debonair bachelor, a living breathing combination of Cary Grant, Brylcreem and handsomeness. He loves and leaves his women, that sexy cad, and the women are heartbroken. But he just waltzes on through life, evading the haggish hands of women hoping to nail him down, possibly literally. Ouch!

And so, as is appropriate, his engagement has been greeted in the press this week with shock (“George Clooney engaged? What?!”), because why on earth would this silver fox give up his sexy, debonair love 'em and leave 'em life, right? But there has also been grief (“Sorry, girls, Clooney has got engaged”), because it is a truth universally acknowledged that all women are desperate for Clooney to marry them.

His fiancee, Amal Alamuddin, is described in terms more appropriate to a wild animal hunter than a humanitarian lawyer: she “tamed” him, she “hooked” him, she “tied him down”; because Clooney is not just a handsome bachelor, you see: he is a wild leopard. And all of us “girls” have been dying to drag that leopard up the church aisle and get our hands on his handsomeness, his money and his famous last name. Haven’t we, girls? You know we have. And now, we are all sad. Sad and desperate. As we always are.

Never mind that Alamuddin is, by any standard, quite a woman, being tri-lingual, smart, a barrister, a human rights lawyer, an adviser to Kofi Annan and beautiful. She obviously had to pull out all the tricks to “snare” Clooney, and what was her trick? According to a “well-informed source”, it “was not her strategy for world peace” that snared Clooney (obviously not – intellect is repulsive in a woman): it was that she “played hard to get”. This allegedly entailed Alamuddin turning Clooney down twice for dinner: “She was operating on the lines of 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen!’” the “well-placed source” revealed. Yesssss, maybe she was playing hard to get, or maybe an intelligent barrister could think of other things to do with her evening than listen to another actor blah on with his ill-formed thoughts about Syria when she’d already had quite enough pseudo-intellectualism from other celebrities she may have encountered through the UN, including Geri Halliwell and Angelina Jolie. Because maybe a smart 36-year-old woman is not as wowed by celebrity as candyfloss-brained tabloids. And as anyone with more than candyfloss for brains can see, it’s Clooney who has lucked out here.

Let us turn now to another divorced and now engaged celebrity, one Jennifer Aniston. Like Clooney, Aniston was married and then got divorced from a fellow actor who has since remarried another actor and gone on to have children with them. Like Clooney, she went on to have a series of relationships with stonkingly good-looking people. And also like Clooney, she is now engaged to a fellow glamorous human being who goes by the name of Justin Theroux. So presumably when her engagement was announced, the media should have been filled with headlines along the lines of “Sorry, boys, Jen’s been snapped up!” and “Jen’s engaged?! We’re all heartbroken!”

But of course none of those headlines appeared because even though – going by the tabloids’ rubric – Aniston is a less desperate case than Clooney, being both younger and divorced for a shorter period, she is a woman. Therefore her engagement to Theroux was reported in precisely the terms and tone I used in the first paragraph, and has continued to be so ever since, with tales of Aniston’s fiance trying to “break it off” and “refusing to see her” and her “desperation for a baby” filling the covers of tabloids and women’s magazines every day. And that’s because, in the world of the media, women are tragic and desperate and sad, and men are caddish and free. Because the media, apparently, believes that people are like characters in a crap romcom you wouldn’t watch on a 14-hour flight.

It would be nice, wouldn’t it, to live in a world where the media – tabloid and broadsheet – didn’t talk about and to unmarried grown women as if they were hysterical teenagers desperate to be saved by their prince, insane with a need to be married NOW. It would be equally nice if the media didn’t portray unmarried men as naughty schoolboys, terrified of those crazed women lurking around every corner waiting to kidnap them and take them to the altar. But then writing about people as changeable, varied human beings requires thought, whereas trotting out gender cliches from the 17th century doesn’t.

So congratulations, George Clooney! I’m as happy for you as I would be for anyone I don’t actually know. To be honest, I always preferred Noah Wyle. Oooh, anyone know if he’s still single?!?!?!?