(1/3) Any advice you could give me? I'm an INTJ and I've been in quite the Se grip for quite a few months, and being aware of it makes it even worse. I stress-eat and so I've gained quite some weight as well. The main reason for this is that I've been thrown off my "juju" (if that makes sense) and failed to make my intricate schedule prior to this college sem (For various reasons. Mainly guys. This is why I cannot date. I cannot focus my energy on two things at once. Also emotions ???)
(2/3) I’m quite stressed in result of the lack of structure and also, I’ve been lacking in performance lately. Simply put, it’s a matter of “I’m going to fail, it’s not going to be perfect. So why should I even try?”. I understand this mindset isn’t healthy, and it’s not how I usually am. I hate not being at my best and not doing anything worthwhile. So I am under constant stress, stress-eating and over-indulging to cope, hating myself for not taking action, and the cycle continues.
(3/3) I’ve tried to come up with ideas myself but… I think it’d be better and more comforting even, to hear from someone else how I can get myself out of this horrid rut? Thank you for your answer, I appreciate it and your blog.
INFJ: Hey there, INTJ. So when I get this type of questions, I end up talking about what has worked for me or what has work for people around me, since that’s the best mark of quality I can offer. However, I understand different people work differently and maybe not all of this helps. But if there is something in my words that help you regain your steps, I’ll be a happy camper.
First things first, something you already know: you’ve made some not-so-good choices that took you were you are now. I am quite sure that some circumstances had a bad effect on you, which mix in the rut you are talking about. I’ve seen that in my INTJ. So my first advise is to understand one thing, without falling in the next one:
- Understand that your present self is a product of your past choices.
- Understand that hating on your past and present self isn’t gonna help your future you. (In the end, we are here to try to make things easier to future you).This is harder than what it looks like.
[Geek example, ignore if you don’t need it(?): There is this thing in games called Random Number Generator, that makes things a little random sometimes. When you are playing an strategy game and you get your fair amount of bad luck. Maybe your attack didn’t hit your opponent three times in a row and you loose because of it. That sucks. Would things had been different in other circumstances? Probably, yes. But you see, you can’t control RNG, the same way you can’t control some of the things that happen to you. What you can do, is prepare the best strategy you can possibly make, and try your very best every moment. Okay, geek off].
The second thing I’d recommend is reading my last post about overthinking if you haven’t already. You can find it here.
There are some points that might help, and for starters, I really, really, really recommend you to go for a walk everyday. It’s a great predecesor to create the habit if exercising. It does sound like there is a little too much serotonin in your brain at all times lately and not quite enough endorphins there. Going for a walk everyday can be hell, but I am confident you can do it. At lest ten minutes. As they say in Bojack Horseman: “It gets easier. You have to do it everyday. That’s the hard part. But it does get easier”. This might take a while, but exercise helps with:
- Sleep problems.
- Training your will.
- Making you feel better.
- Keeping your mind at a your very best.
As I said, this might be difficult at first. Don’t beat yourself if the day ends and you haven’t gone for a walk. That is like blaming RNG, won’t help. Just plan the walk you are gonna take first things first the next day, and do it.
This brings me to my next point: your J is frozen. So let’s bring some warmth! I want you to find a place where you can write. A piece of paper works, but if you have a notebook you can use, that might be better. I want you to stop reading this when I give you directions, and come back when you are done, okay? For around five minutes, try to put in this piece of paper every task you’d been procrastinating that is making your mind feel shitty. It might be laundry, it might be signing up for a gym, it might be buying one particular text book.
Do it now. I’ll wait here till you are done.
Are you done? (If you just want to keep reading that’s okay too, just do it later, alright?) Now, I want you to do one of two things (even both). This is since I’ve watch that one works for some people and the other one for others:
- Divide each task in one of each of this pairs: important-not important, urgent-not urgent.
- Put next to each task how long it’s gonna take you. If you are not quite sure, try to switch it in “5 mins, 10 mins, 30 mins, one hour, unknown”.
If you completed the first instruction, you’ll have a list of things you need to get done right now (important-urgent). This is your fire zone (my INTJ gets dizzy after dealing with this one for too long). If you feel in a constant feel of urgent things, where everything is important, you’ll eat out your willpower and then it will be hell to seat down and make an action plan because your mind will be burn-out. This is probably the case, so we are gonna take things slow. Don’t put in your plate more than you can eat. As well as going for the walks I talked about, you are going to do one thing of this category each day. You can do more if you feel like it, but for a start, every night before (or every morning of the day in question, whatever works for you) you are gonna choose which task you wanna get done the next day. And then, try to get it that the day in question. At the same time, I recommend doing as a secondary quest, one of the tasks in the important-non urgent category (this is the category I feel like you should be in). But this is a secondary mission. Do it only if you can, or if one day you feel like you can’t do your primary mission and there is a task for the secondary you could get done.
When the first week is over, how about you come back and talk to us? Maybe we ca try a little review of your week. Has this worked? Do you have any suggestion? Do you want further advise? I’ll be glad to help if I can, and give out more tips if I find some that might help. Sorry if it this was weirdly written. You really got this, okay? Just follow the first step and keep going.
PS: You can obviously talk to us before one week goes by. I mean, whenever you need.
Now, up with you!
INTJ: I don’t feel like there’s much for me to offer other than my own personal experience. That stage was hell for me, too, and I know it sucks hearing that it’s not so important because our future and aspirations are important. But you can handle this. And it does get better.