and i'm sure it's all wrong anyway

star trek enterprise: a summary
  • archer: i'm a GOOD PERSON!!!!! *destroys an entire vulcan monastery*
  • t'pol: *sips tea* this is vulcanphobic
  • trip: y'all'd've
  • reed: ceh for a spot of tea, govnah?
  • travis: i've been to 3247039821354892 planets and counting! too bad none of them are planets that the NX-01 visits cuz boy howdy that'd be convenient
  • hoshi: if you'd let me translate for 2 fuckign seconds i could tell you that this species doesn't want us here but okay yeah sure beam down anyway you do that
  • phlox: i know all about your species's genitalia but don't worry your secret's safe with me C:
  • shran: hello naughty pinkskins it's murder time
  • soval: get your grubby human hands off of my logic
  • forrest: My Son Archer Can Do No Wrong
  • porthos: bork
What went down in Kung Food
  • INTRO SEQUENCE
  • Marinette: hey Alya so I need to talk to my Chinese uncle but I don't speak Chinese
  • Marinette: what should I do
  • Alya: does he speak any English
  • Marinette: what good would that do?
  • Marinette: I don't speak any English
  • Alya: then what are you speaking rn
  • Marinette: French, remember?
  • Alya: oh right I forgot
  • Marinette: yeah this is confusing
  • Alya: so does he speak any French
  • Marinette: idk I don't think imma bother to check
  • Alya: you're trying to get me to send Adrien as an interpreter
  • Marinette: pls Alya
  • Alya: fine he's on his way
  • Wang: this isn't at all awkward
  • Adrien: hey guys!
  • Wang: hey Adrien!
  • Adrien: so you actually speak English then
  • Wang: no this is French
  • Adrien: right
  • Wang: anyway imma be on this cooking competition
  • Adrien: kk cool do you want me to interpret for you
  • Wang: nah I'm sure nothing will go wrong
  • Chloé: *happens*
  • Wang: in retrospect...
  • Hawkmoth: fly my akuma
  • Kung Food: it's time for Chloé to get WRECKED
  • Chloé: wow real original there
  • Kung Food: I'll show you original!!!
  • Kung Food: prepare for a sticky situation as my protégés coat the building in IMPENETRABLE CARAMEL
  • Kung Food: get ready to cry when you witness my FLYING ONION CAMERAS
  • Kung Food: you'll be the one getting cut into slices as you face off against my TEN-FOOT PIZZA SWORD
  • Ladybug: should we jump in and stop him
  • Chat Noir: no not yet he's on a roll here
  • Kung Food: your salty attitude will be the perfect seasoning for my SWIMMING POOL OF BOILING SOUP
  • Kung Food: I always said that the fennel was mightier than the sword
  • Kung Food: pasta la vista, baby
  • Chat Noir: okay, looks like he's out of ideas
  • Ladybug: yeah he defs stole that last one from somewhere
  • Chat Noir: well it's time to take him down
  • Kung Food: *retreats to the roof*
  • Chloé: oh good
  • Kung Food: *suspends Chloé over a swimming pool of boiling soup*
  • Chloé: oh no
  • Jagged Stone: so anyways y'all gotta fight me first
  • Ladybug: what's that weapon you've got?
  • Jagged Stone: you'll be like fish in a barrel as I come at you with my SEAFOOD STAFF
  • Chat Noir:
  • Ladybug: *locks Jagged Stone in the closet like a badass*
  • André: and now you gotta fight me!
  • Ladybug: and what's your deal
  • André: something something sausage fest
  • Ladybug: yeah nope
  • Ladybug: *drops a chandelier on him*
  • Marlena and Alec: and now there's TWO OF US
  • Marlena: prepare to face an onslaught of flavor from my THOUSAND FLYING CAKES
  • Ladybug: okay but
  • Ladybug: let's get real here
  • Ladybug: "thousand flying cakes" is the coolest attack name EVER
  • Ladybug: like, respect
  • Alec: and I can't think of a pun, but here are some BLINDING STINKY CHEESE BOMBS
  • Chat Noir: my inner Plagg is v conflicted
  • Chat Noir: also I just realized my inner Plagg is v literal rn
  • Chat Noir: whoa that's really weird to think about
  • Alec: *wrecks him*
  • Ladybug: *wrecks both Alec and Marlena*
  • Ladybug: and now for the boss fight
  • Chat Noir: don't you mean the chef fight
  • Ladybug: don't try and say one-liners, you're bad at it
  • Chat Noir: I call them pun-liners
  • Kung Food: HEY GUYS
  • Kung Food: *drops Chloé toward soup*
  • Ladybug: whoa Chloé's about to die
  • Ladybug: like wow the stakes have never been higher
  • Ladybug: I can't imagine what life would be like with her gone
  • Kung Food: do you want me to pull her back out so you've got enough time to rescue her
  • Ladybug: nah I got this
  • Ladybug: *rescues Chloé like a badass*
  • Chloé: *is herself*
  • Ladybug: *drops Chloé off roof*
  • Chat Noir: did you just
  • Ladybug: she'll be fine
  • Chat Noir: how do you know
  • Ladybug: the screenwriters need somebody to get people akumatized
  • Chat Noir: oh right
  • Kung Food: *attacks*
  • Ladybug and Chat Noir: *fight back*
  • Ladybug: hey Kung Food hang on a minute
  • Chloé: hey guys so I climbed back up
  • Ladybug: *chucks Chloé off the roof again*
  • Kung Food: that was a worthy diversion
  • Ladybug: lucky charm!
  • Payment terminal: *happens*
  • Ladybug: "payment terminal"? really?
  • Chat Noir: do you have a better name for those things
  • Chat Noir: that's even what it's called on the wiki
  • Ladybug: idk but I've got a good one-liner for it
  • Ladybug: hey Kung Food, we've finished our meal and it's time to pay the bill!
  • Chat Noir: needs work
  • Ladybug: *wrecks Kung Food*
  • Ladybug: you were saying
  • Chat Noir: FINISH HIM
  • Ladybug: bye bye little butterfly
  • Wang: anyway here's the soup I made
  • Alec & co: ok you've won the competition
  • Alec & co: like there are defs no more contestants
  • Wang: btw I renamed the soup
  • Wang: it's now called Marinette Soup
  • Alec & co: might I ask why
  • Wang: bc Marinette fell in the swimming pool of soup
  • Wang: she's responsible for the flavor
  • Marinette: um no I'm right here
  • Wang: oh wow this is awkward
  • Wang: so who was that who fell in the soup
  • Marinette: idk
  • ROLL CREDITS
3

Roma: Danny…

Danny, sighing heavily: I think I’m wrong, but…is it a gerund phrase?

Roma, smirking: See, you know your grammar!

Danny: But I forget it. All the time. Why is there even grammar on the Literature exam, anyway?

Roma: Because they want to know if you can read, write, and form a sentence correctly.

Danny: …I guess I’m lucky you’re my friend then, huh?

anonymous asked:

Hey so, I'm kind of afraid that I've been hexed. Recently everything it seems has just gone completely and utterly wrong. Do you know anyway to detect it for sure or to undo it? I don't know if it's my paranoia, but it's better to be safe that sorry

I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but everyone goes through rough (or even downright horrific) patches in life, and it often happens for no reason at all, rather than due to a curse or hex. Online, if you come to most witches with a question like this, they’ll tell you not to worry or fret because you’re likely not hexed, and your life will turn around soon enough. 

This was my approach to questions like yours for quite some time. I realized, though, that in most cases, I’ve not got all the information about what’s going on, and it’s possible that there could, indeed, be a curse. After all, curses are, in fact, a real thing, so it’s reasonable to assume that at least some of the folks who worry that they’re cursed might actually be. Thus, now, I have a different philosophy towards the question of possible curses and hexes.

To me, it doesn’t matter if there’s an actual curse or hex. If you feel cursed, you will likely benefit from taking measures to break a curse, regardless of whether you’re just experiencing normal bad luck or the effects of an actual spell. This is because most measures to break hexes tend to involve banishing, cleansing, warding, and protective measures. All of these, when used properly, are equally effective at simply turning your luck around as they are at breaking a curse. 

There’s little risk in acting (in terms of magical practice) under the assumption that you’re cursed. I would be careful assuming that a curse actually objectively has been thrown at you, though. That can often lead to yes, paranoia and suspicion, which can alienate your friends and just make you incredibly unhappy overall. 

For this reason, I recommend thinking less about “Who could have done this to me?” and more along the lines of “How can I improve things?” instead. You specifically ask for ways to detect a curse, and while there are methods for doing this, I cannot in good conscience recommend them. Most involve pretty subjective divination techniques, and again, “confirming” might just lead to increasing paranoia. 

One good idea, though, would be to do an extremely general reading of some sort. I don’t know if you do any kind of divination, but Tarot or even Lenormand are pretty ideal for this, as are plenty of other systems that can be used to give a general portrait of your life. Avoid “yes/no” systems where you’ll be tempted to ask, “Am I cursed?” and instead, just pull cards or scry with the question being something like, “What can I do to improve my life?” 

I really, really suggest you do this by yourself or have a trusted friend read for you. I also strongly feel that it’s best if no money changes hands in this context, because, like it or not, some unscrupulous people often prey upon those worried about curses, doing a “reading” to prove there’s a curse and then demanding money in order to help “break” it. I’ve never had a problem with people charging for divination or magical services, but grifters exist, and in certain situations a person can be more vulnerable to them than in others.

Take stock of what the cards or divination tools are saying to you, and relate it to your own life in a manner that you normally would. Do not specifically look for it, but if you see something in the reading that implies a curse, be sure to consider alternative ways of viewing the reading, and even then, don’t jump to conclusions. Be particularly careful and skeptical about any image or sign suggesting that a specific person is to blame, because it’s so easy to get such things wrong even if you’re the world’s best diviner. My point is, do a reading that focuses on finding solutions, not causes.

With the results of the reading (if you decided or were able to do one) in mind, You can begin working on fixing things - lifting the “curse,” whether or not it was ever cast. The methods I’m going to suggest are pretty general, but there’s room to insert your own techniques or tailor them to your situation specifically.

In this post, I discuss the notion of the “evil eye” and curses throughout history, and offer some traditional (as well as some innovative) solutions to the problem. It may be helpful, though it was written many years ago when I was in a weird place in my life and had a very different attitude towards magick. Though the eye symbols an amulets mentioned might be helpful, the part I mention at the end always seems pretty sensible when it comes to escaping a particularly nasty curse, real or not. I’ll quote it below.

Basically, change yourself entirely. Buy some new clothes that are in a radically different style than those you wore previously, and wear them. Buy different self-care products than you usually use (deodorant, shampoo, etc), ideally in a form very different. For example, if you always wash with tea tree shampoo, try buying some dollar store brand. Dye your hair, cut it - try to look like a completely different person. You may even want to adopt a new name, like, for your blog, or temporarily (if they’re up for it) ask your family to call you something else. Friends, too.

Sounds ridiculous, huh? I think it’s a bit ridiculous, but I’ve heard people swear it works. The idea is that any curse (or even the Evil Eye) that was cast would have been targeted at you specifically, and that, by changing yourself, the curse or Evil Eye loses focus and can no longer harm you. It’s all quite superstitious, but I thought I’d mention it. One (vaguely chaote) website that mentions this method calls it a “sloppy dodge.”

I realize this method isn’t going to be feasible or practical for everyone, but it’s also open for personal interpretation. The goal is to change yourself so that the curse or bad luck finds you unrecognizable. This needn’t take the form of the examples listed above specifically, and may merely involve something like experimenting with a different worldview or developing a new hobby. It’s an idea worth mentioning, because I know many people who swear it works.

The method I usually use when I find myself in a bad place and nothing seems to go right is a little different, though. While I’ve never felt I was specifically cursed, if I feel I’ve got bad luck glommed onto me, I have certain procedures I use to get rid of it. They’re outlined in this post, but what I’ve written there isn’t meant to be slavishly followed - rather, read it for ideas and some of the techniques you might try. 

If you’re comfortable with using herbs and botanicals, try cleansing with Four Thieves Vinegar - I’ve yet to find anything that works better for me personally, though analogues exist in many traditions. Depending on the specific formulation of the Vinegar that you end up making and using, you could sprinkle it, clean with it, mix it into a floorwash, or any number of things. If you use non-toxic herbs, it can even be consumed as a salad dressing. I’ve written a bit about the lore surrounding it in this post.

A lot of people don’t like  working with herbs and chemicals, though, and that’s alright, of course. I have gone through periods in my life where I made heavy use of physical ingredients in magick, and also times when I used mostly my bare hands. There are a million different ways to do this, but one that’s always been a go-to method for me an some of my friends would be a traditional banishing ritual such as the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram or Star Ruby.

I’ve written a bit about these and the different forms that exist here. Suffice to say, almost all traditions have a general banishing ritual, and if yours doesn’t (or you follow no organized tradition), writing your own or adapting one is always a great option. In the video, you’ll notice that the person is wearing a robe and there are tools, but these are hardly necessary for the operation and most people who do these rituals do them with nothing but their bodies and a sense of direction/balance.

Both the Four Thieves Vinegar and the rituals mentioned are, well, banishing. Banishing is good and all for ridding a situation of whatever currently fills it (in this case, your bad luck), but nature abhors a vacuum, and too much banishing with nothing else included just leaves you open for more problems. To remedy this, I recommend invocation of some sort directly following any banishing or cleansing exercises you might do. Any force that you want to bring in to help fix things is a good choice, and while I don’t know you well, in this situation I would probably choose to invoke Solar forces. Venus or Jupiter might work well, also. Below is a herbal recipe that you can follow after the Four Thieves Vinegar - it uses plants to invoke Solar forces. Other options include classical invocations such as the Supreme Invoking Ritual of he Hexagram for the Sun, or writing your own. 

In various combinations tailored to your needs, and with proper intent and focus, these methods should be effective, but they aren’t the only ones. I do recommend doing your own research into breaking curses and runs of bad luck, as well. As I said, though, I can’t really recommend you do anything designed to ferret out the curse-thrower or even confirm whether a curse exists or not objectively. Just operate under the assumption that it might, and, as you’ve said, it is better to be safe than sorry.

anonymous asked:

Hi, i was asking about the medals earlier, thank you for the info! Also a few more questions. I'm not sure exactly which keyblade I should be using for speed medal other than Lady Luck. Are there other keyblades I should be trying to get? Also what medals should i be on the lookout for in the speed type?

later on you’ll get the keyblade olympia (パワーオブヒーロー) which is a combo power/speed blade (that i prefer because my reverse speed medals are fuccin garbage). you can also get the keyblade sleeping lion (スリピングライーオン) by completing proud mode quest 102, but it’s harder to upgrade.

you’ll also get the keyblades divine rose (magic/speed) and stroke of midnight (psm) in story mode; the keyblades fenrir (power), counterpoint (magic), and darkgnaw (power) are available in proud mode. the keyblade moogle of glory (power/magic) is available from a special quest on weekends; materials to upgrade it are also found in a special weekend quest.

@lingeringscars  ()

     Aria JUMPS out of her skin the second her phone beeps, the motion nearly ingrained. Until she sees Spencer’s name – then all that’s left is her racing heart, for more than just one reason this time around.

[ sms: spence 😍 ] what
[ sms: spence 😍 ] um… no one??
[ sms: spence 😍 ] or it was supposed to be no one, anyway
[ sms: spence 😍 ] if they don’t show up all over school tomorrow a la you know who
[ sms: spence 😍 ] but maybe delete them just in case???

2

Guess who got caught by gossip magazine Friday today?

People on Twitter are saying that his girlfriend’s a former actress that’s 10 years younger than him. Apparently she’s good at drawing too. They also say that there are photos of Freestyle in her Instagram. The two went to a hot stone spa together.

When questioned about his relationship with her, and whether he’s going to marry her, Ohno replies, “No comment.”

ETA: They were also caught eating out together a couple of days later, and that’s when Friday magazine took the opportunity to ask Ohno about their relationship.

Blame Denmark
  • Kyle: Times have changed,
  • everything is getting worse!
  • we've spent weeks on this plotline,
  • It's all just one big fat stupid curse!
  • Ike: Should we blame those bastards?
  • Stan: Or blame Garrison?
  • All: Or should we blame the trolls who started it?
  • Kyle: No, blame Denmark!
  • Everyone: Blame Denmark!
  • Kyle: With all their tiny little eyes,
  • And stupid heads so full of lies!
  • Everyone:
  • Blame Denmark!
  • Blame Denmark!
  • Kyle: We need to form a full assault!
  • Everyone: It's Denmark's fault!
  • Kenny:
  • Don't blame me,
  • For what you see,
  • It's my own private business,
  • And now everyone's gonna see it!
  • Craig:
  • And I trust my boyfriend,Tweek.
  • but I'm not sure if he trusts me,
  • And I'm just scared of what he'll see and how it'll affect everything.!
  • Kyle:
  • Well, blame Denmark!
  • Everyone: Blame Denmark!
  • Kyle:
  • It seems that everything's gone wrong,
  • Since Denmark came along!
  • Everyone:
  • Blame Denmark!
  • Blame Denmark!
  • Randy: They're not even a real country anyway!
  • Liane:
  • My son could've been a doctor or a lawyer it's all true,
  • Instead he ran away to Mars with his girlfriend!
  • Everyone:
  • Should we blame the media?
  • Should we blame the school?
  • Or everyone who made them think they had to run?
  • Kyle:
  • Heck no!
  • Everyone:
  • Blame Denmark!
  • Blame Denmark!
  • Kyle:
  • With all their viking hullabaloo,
  • Ike:
  • And that bitch Anne Murray too!
  • Everyone:
  • Blame Denmark!
  • Shame on Denmark!
  • For...
  • The trolls we must stop,
  • The trash we must bash,
  • The trolltrace and fun,
  • Must all be undone,
  • We must blame them and cause a fuss,
  • Before somebody thinks of blaming us!
Aoba X Noiz - DMMd reconnect Animate tokuten Drama CD Translation
  • Aoba : *typing sound* okay,there's still time before Haga-san come, perhaps i should just tyding up these fixing data.
  • Aoba : *continue typing* *door opened sound* hm? *door closed sound*
  • Aoba : Oh customer coming...
  • Aoba : A little bit uncommon on this time of the day though..
  • Aoba : Welco-m.... (!!!!)
  • Noiz : Hey.
  • Aoba : you! Noiz..why are you here???
  • Noiz : *sigh*
  • Aoba : what.. suddenly come to here. What's up?
  • *sound of small things falling at once*
  • Noiz : here..
  • Aoba : hm? paperbag? This looks heavy tho..
  • Aoba : Oo!! tch!! This is so heavy! What is this?!What is inside this thing?
  • Noiz : Why don't you open it then
  • Aoba : That blunt manner of speaking, you really didn't change at all, huh?
  • Aoba : *grumble* hm? what the heck is this
  • Aoba : sweets..? candy,chocolate,gum.. pound cake,caramel,ramune??
  • Noiz : I'm giving it to you
  • Aoba : eh? why? what's the occasion? like anniversary or something?
  • Noiz : no.
  • Aoba : Then why?
  • Noiz : Well i don't think it supposed to be like anniversary or anything
  • Aoba : But that still means something is happening today right?,
  • Aoba : Just tell me!
  • Noiz : It doesn't really matter, does it?
  • Aoba : Of course it matters! You've come all the way down here so yeah it matters of course!
  • Aoba : Just tell me I said. Come on, quick.
  • Noiz : *hesitates*..(small voice)..birthday
  • Aoba : eh? birthday? whose birthday?
  • Noiz : my birthday
  • Aoba : Seriously?!
  • Noiz : Shut up
  • Aoba : If i think about it, i didn't know your birthday date!
  • Noiz : Well i didn't tell you
  • Aoba : What the hell, if i knew i could prepare things for you properly!
  • Aoba : eh.. by the way this paperbag.. are these all.. presents? It's not it, right?
  • Noiz : Well if we connected it to the birthday occassion, that would be mean that way
  • Aoba : wait no no no, why the hell you bring up all presents here? Don't you think it's weird??? I'm the one that supposed to give you presents!
  • Noiz : I don't want to be celebrated anyway
  • Aoba : eh..? then this paperbag?
  • Noiz : Told you it's birthday. It's common sense that today is celebration day right?
  • Aoba : well..yes
  • Noiz : Then, that means for the one who born that day, today would be a pleasing day, a joyful day, right?
  • Aoba : blissful..day? i'm not sure what you're saying but yeah i think so..?
  • Noiz : Well then it isn't wrong for that person to do something pleasing, right?
  • Aoba : do.. something..pleasing? What do you mean?
  • Noiz : as I said, it is not wrong for me who is celebrating today to do something pleasing for someone else right?
  • Aoba : e-eh? well.. so you're saying that even though today is your birthday, you intend to make me happy instead?
  • Noiz : that's right
  • Aoba : why?
  • Noiz : (pause) you don't understand?
  • Aoba : i don't!!
  • Noiz : If that day is supposed to be a pleasing day, then for me, that means "making you happy"! I..
  • Noiz : *sigh* whatever, just eat something, this one *throw to Aoba*
  • Aoba : !! what the hell, you are really making me curious!
  • Noiz : *grumbles*
  • Aoba : Well whatever then this one i give it to you.. oh right!
  • Aoba : here, candy! a~n *shove candy to Noiz mouth*
  • Noiz : *shoved*(lol) stop messing around! what are you doing
  • Aoba : hm~hm~~hmmm.. it's okay, it's okay! It's your birthday and you ended up buying presents for yourself so i didn't get to give anything for you. So at least... a~~n, there,there
  • Noiz : *with his mouth full of candy* aa~~~ (well usually it is the other way around lol)
  • Aoba : delicious?
  • Noiz : not really.. but.. it's sweet
  • Aoba : of course it's sweet~, you're really not honest~~
  • Noiz : Then..you too, here i give you too. Open your mouth.
  • Aoba : !!!
  • Noiz : What the hell. When you did it to me you were really into it
  • Aoba : w-well usually people say "aa~~~n" when doing it..now that i think about it, it's really embarrassing..///
  • Noiz : I don't care
  • Noiz : It's okay. come on, here
  • Aoba : *hesitantly* ee..a-a-aa~~n (Noiz putting the candy inside)
  • Noiz : Is it good?
  • Aoba : um...ummm, yup,it's Apple flavour
  • Noiz : really? that's nice..
  • Aoba : ee!!
  • Noiz : what?
  • Aoba : no.. It's just unusual because you didn't making fun or (i didnt catch this word) of me
  • Noiz : What's that
  • Aoba : By the way! i havent say it properly.
  • Aoba : Happy birthday ^_^
  • *eating candy sound*
  • Aoba : Then next year, and next year after that, let's celebrate it together, okay?
  • Noiz : We don't even know what will happen in the future
  • Aoba : It's okay~ Promise, okay?
  • Noiz : *i guess from the sound he smirking or something* Just do as you wish
  • Aoba : Okay!!
7

A/N: SURPRISE!! I’m starting to do preferences now.. So yeah. Lol. Anyway.. I’m on mobile and couldn’t type and put gifs in the same post so I had to take pics of them. I’m not sure these are good at all but just give me a chance to explore it haha. I’m out of requests and ideas so please feel free to drop one.

ATTETION!!! This isn’t my spn blog. I posted it to the wrong one!! FOLLOW @winchestersandwingimagines It’s at the top of my blog
more reasons the TFA novelization is a gift

hey do you remember this post … ok well i kept reading the book because of course i did (actually i listened to the audiobook but whatever let’s not get technical i’m not pulling soundbites for you guys because i’m lazy and the timestamps on my audiobook are fucked for some reason) and anyway the point here is, the point is, boy howdy finn and poe are something

this is spoiler heavy in many a way and so i’m putting it behind a cut

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

So like a month ago I watched a girl on girl porno and it was one of the kinds where they do the oil massage and I'm sure you know how the rest of it goes. Anyways my mom had back surgery and sometimes asks for a massage using oil since it works best and i do it for her sometimes and i feel disgusted every time because all i can think about is the porno like dont get me wrong i'm not turned on its nothing incestuous i just can't stop thinking about the video i'm not a disgusting perosn trust me

im turning off anon for a week or two now 

anonymous asked:

Ayo, just wonderin' if it's gay if I suck my best friends dick 'til he cums. I spit it out so I'm pretty sure that means I'm straight. He sucked mine so we're all even. And I was only doin' it 'cause I wanted to prove that I wouldn't be into it 'cause my other friend kept sayin' I was gay. Aw shit I just realized I'm askin' the wrong blog. Whatevah, I'm sendin' it anyway. No homo.

You said no homo so it isn’t gay at all; you’re in the clear

shherie  asked:

SASUKE HELPING NARU WITH HIS HOMEWORK BUT NARU DOESN'T WANT TO STUDY SO SASUKE PROMISES HIM A "REWARD" FOR WHEN HE'S DONE (okay I'll stop screaming now I'm just too excited at the thought of new fics from you!! <3 <3 <3). AHHH OR SICK!SUKE AND NARUTO SKIPPING SCHOOL TO TAKE CARE OF HIS BF!

I ended up picking the first one. Maybe I’ll do the second one later on, but here you are for now. It’s been ages so I hope you enjoy!

Naruto can’t focus.

Sasuke’s lips move and Naruto doesn’t hear what’s coming out of them. He can only focus on the way Sasuke’s lips form the letters or how he has to wet his lips after he explains something particularly long and tedious. There’s even moments when Sasuke is working through a problem himself and his tongue will slip between his lips, concentration clear in the set of his eyebrows.

It just makes it really hard to focus on the homework at hand.

“Naruto.”

The words bring Naruto back to earth, eyes blinking and Sasuke’s annoyed face clear in front of him. He smiles cheekily, rubbing the back of his head.

“I’m assuming you can’t tell me the answer to this question then,” Sasuke sighs, shifting so his body is facing Naruto now, defeated look setting into his features.

“Uh…no?”

Sasuke rolls his eyes and Naruto’s own slip down to Sasuke’s lips. The only thing he wants to do right now is kiss him, long and hard. He wants to move to the bed and kiss down Sasuke’s neck and take off his shirt.

“Naruto!” Said boy is so rudely drawn back to reality, eyes snapping back up to meet Sasuke’s. Naruto can tell he’s done with this whole thing. If Naruto’s mind wanders one more time he was walking out the door.

“But Sasuke,” Naruto whines. “You just look so sexy when you’re talking about this kind of stuff.”

“You’re the one with the test. You’re going to fall the class if you don’t do well, Naruto.”

“Maybe just one kiss.” Which will hopefully turn into two and then three until the homework is forgotten and Sasuke is under Naruto, moaning his name and begging…

“Stop that train of thought right now!”

“But Sasuke!”

Sasuke sighs and Naruto knows he should shut up. Sasuke only puts up with his antics for just so long when he gets annoyed like this. He’s right too. Naruto needs to pass this test or he’s screwed. It’s the only way he’ll pull his grade up enough so he won’t fail and have to take the class again next semester.

“Look,” Sasuke’s voice is calmer now, more focused. “If you can get the next few answers right then we can take a break.”

Naruto knows said break will include kissing and clothes shedding and Naruto can’t say no to that. He likes being rewarded by Sasuke when he gets the answers right or does well on one of his tests. It isn’t just the sex or the blowjob he usually ends up getting, but that proud smile that tugs up Sasuke’s lips. That little glint in his eyes that says how proud Naruto is. That kiss on the cheek to hold Naruto off until they get back to either one of their dorm rooms. It’s a nice feeling having Sasuke proud of him

“I like that idea.”

An hour later Naruto has answered more than half the questions right and the ones he didn’t, he tried and Sasuke smiles, all proud and shinning and Naruto dips his head in embarrassment. “I knew you could do it,” Sasuke says, leaning forward to press a kiss to Naruto’s lips.

Naruto gets his reward, all breathy moans and fingers running over skin. When the afterglow wears off they work through the problems Naruto got wrong earlier and it starts all over again.

anonymous asked:

Ok they're introducing the idea of the paternity test/Dna test to the public but... They're doing it so slow and in a way that says he actually doesn't need it? How can this be positive? Plus if I'm not wrong the press is going to be all about the super bowl for the next two weeks so it's not convenient for them to do anything now since it would get much attention anyway. This means they're going to drag this out until March at least

AO3 is so much better because you know the planned total number of chapters for WIP’s… SIgh.

Anyway, they can drop it literally anytime.

The clock is ticking. And TMZ is NOT going to be a fan of that clock, I am sure of that.