and i'm still posting it for that same reason

canadianwheatpirates  asked:

[small nudge] if you're out of stuff to do i left you a reply on a requests post a couple days back asking for fic of Alex healing and growing after cutting Eliza out of her life ('cause of the emotional abuse). no pressure or anything i just. yeah. mother's day was last weekend and yesterday was the 1yr of me not talking to my own mother for the same reasons, and I doubt I'm the only person who's having Feelings about all this rn lmao. still think you're awesome btw.

She never recognized the pattern.

Never recognized the pattern, and J’onn waited patiently for her to figure it out on her own, not wanting to violate her privacy by sharing the insights he got by how damn loudly his Earth daughter thinks.

Because she thinks very loudly, on the mornings after her phone calls with Eliza.

She thinks very loudly, and her thinking is about how inadequate she is. How imperfect. How disappointing.

And she never recognized the pattern, but she would bruise her knuckles in training, and she would work the new DEO recruits harder, and she would work herself so hard she nearly vomited.

Always on the days that followed the nights she talked to her mother.

She never noticed the pattern, but Maggie does.

Maggie notices and Maggie cleans up the glass when Alex throws her bourbon at the opposite wall, and Maggie makes a note to bring up her drinking after they process this latest call with her mother, this latest fight, this latest abuse.

Maggie holds her when she sobs apologies and Maggie holds her when she begs forgiveness and Maggie knows that it’s not only Maggie she’s seeking forgiveness from.

It’s Eliza, yes, but it’s Kara, and it’s Jeremiah.

Because in Alex’s eyes – after she talks to Eliza, anyway – she reliably believes that she’s failed them both.

So Maggie holds her and Maggie gently refuses to make love to her even when Alex begs for it, begs hard and begs long; refuses because Alex has liquor on her breath and tears in her eyes, and Maggie won’t, ever, take advantage of that.

Even with Alex begging her to fuck away her inadequacy. To make her feel worthwhile. To make her feel good enough.

Maggie focuses on making her feel good enough in other ways. 

Whispered words and soft kisses all over her face, strong arms and gentle touches.

And when it’s morning and Alex wakes up with distant eyes and a vacant voice, Maggie asks her.

Asks her, in a small voice – terrified that Alex will be furious with her, will leave her, will think she’s accusing Alex of being a bad daughter, a bad person – if she’s ever considered cutting Eliza out of her life. At least for a little while.

Alex doesn’t yell and Alex doesn’t snap at her. She doesn’t reach for bourbon. Instead, she collapses back down onto the bed and she reaches for Maggie’s hand.

“But wouldn’t I be a terrible daughter if I did that? I mean, my mom, she’s not… she… she hugged me when I came out, Maggie, she… she’s so good to you, and she loves me, and she paid for college, and med school, and she loves me, she really does, she would be crushed if I stopped talking to her. Wouldn’t it be mean? Wouldn’t it just make things worse? I mean, I only get upset when we talk because I overreact and I’m oversensitive – ”

“Alex Danvers. You are not oversensitive and you don’t overreact to your mom. You respond to her. Rationally. It’s rational for you to feel like you have to be perfect – to hold yourself to impossible and unhealthy standards – because of everything she expects from you. You respond to her telling you that you’re not good enough, that everything that happens with Kara is your fault. Alex, your mom… you’re right. She probably loves you. Fine. But that doesn’t make her a great parent, or even a good one. Her loving you doesn’t make her good at loving you: it doesn’t make you two have a healthy relationship.”

“But I can’t just cut her off, Maggie. Then everything would be my fault.”

“No. Nothing would be your fault, Ally. You’d just be asserting what you need. You’d be doing what’s right for you. And you’d be setting a new standard for how your mom has to treat you.”

Alex bites the inside of her cheek and she thinks and she listens and she argues and she thinks some more.

She tells Eliza that she needs to take some time away from their relationship a couple of weeks later. Tells her that she doesn’t know how long it’s going to take, but to please leave their contact in her control. 

She stops training so hard she throws up right away; but at first, she doesn’t understand why.

It’s easier for her to stick to one beer, once in a while, socially, rather than half a bottle of bourbon, often, on her own; but at first, she doesn’t understand why.

She also doesn’t understand, at least not at first, why she stops – slowly, slowly – blaming herself when Kara has a bad day. She doesn’t stop caring, and she doesn’t stop trying to make her little sister feel better, but the pit in her stomach, gnawing, ripping, that Kara’s bad day – whatever the reason – is her fault, her fault, her fault, starts diminishing. She barely notices when it disappears almost completely, the healing is so gradual.

She surrounds herself with a little sister who adores her and a girlfriend who supports her and a father who is unfailingly proud of her and brothers who tease her but always, always, always love her.

She surrounds herself with affirmation and she surrounds herself with validation, and after a while, she realizes that she’s not waking up with such burning loathing for herself anymore.

It takes time – it takes years – but eventually, when she’s laying awake with Maggie sleeping in her arms, she realizes that she really loves the person she is.

It feels strange and it feels unfamiliar, but god, god, god, does it feel good.

AmedotBomb8 Prompt 7: Alternative Universe

An alternate timeline in which a young Peridot is sent to earth thousands of years earlier than in the show, and while checking the Kindergarten she encounters Amethyst, who is still living in the area. Peridot tries to ignore her and continue her duties, but Amethyst follows her and attempts to play with her. Peri finds it annoying but at the same time she also enjoys the defective Quartz’s company, for some strange unfathomable reason…

You can decide what happens afterwards. :) 

7,500 FOLLOWERS WTF???

ummmmm okay I had no idea that in just a few months I’d be a part of this huge and loving community on tumblr and yall have been showing me so much love these past few months on here………I’m so emo thank you guys so much 💗💓💕💓💖💞💗💟💕💓💖💓💗💓💟💖💞💕

also in celebration I didn’t know whether to do like the cliche ‘follow forever list’ to express how genuinely emo I am ??? but here are some cuties that have shown me endless support and love and always make my day to see them on my dash (with the heavy sprinkle of fangirling together shhh) <3

@anna-something

@earthtogot7

@sungjaesgf

@iloveniallthenandnow

@3ouncesofwhoopass

@vanillainverse

@honeyjaehwan

@kwangie

@yehet-me-up

@glitzyeol

@raviyeolie-reactions

@wonpillily

@emberheart2210

@whenxoxosmilesunshines

@oh-my-got-its-exo

thank yall for always dealing w me and all the $hit you get tagged in :’))))))

ALSO ALSO unfortunately I’m not following too many blogs atm and I’d love it if some of yall can like or reblog this post so I can check out your blog 🌷 making friends on here has been my favorite part ofc so as long as you stan the same groups that I do then why not be besties 💫

again thank you thank you thank you so much, I legit did not ever think my writing and my memes would gather so many people together and fangirling in unison, so my whole life has been made ❤❤❤❤❤

imagine Reigen and Serizawa’s first formal date. it’s almost a kind of silly idea because they’ve practically already been dating, going out to eat with each other, originally only with Mob as well but eventually just the two of them sometimes. They’re that couple who had practically already been unofficially dating but they only consider themselves y’know, actual boyfriends once Reigen is like, hey do you wanna take this… thing we have a step further. and Serizawa is like yes. yes I do.

so even though they’ve ALREADY DONE THIS and they hang out plenty, all the time, both during and outside of work, Serizawa is all nervous and Reigen is trying to be as charming as possible. They do at least go someplace probably nicer than usual and try to look their best, but they’re both such dorks in different wants, desperately trying to make it what they think a date should be and it’s really awkward. (Serizawa has no experience dating whatsoever, Reigen has some but nothing that ever lasted very long.)

At first they’re almost worried because of how awkward it is, oh shit, will this not work out? What if this ruins our friendship? CUE PANIC. but eventually they end up realizing (maybe with Mob’s help?) that they’re just complicating things for like, no reason, and things can still be the same between them but like also they can hold hands and kiss and, after awhile, move in together and all that.

anonymous asked:

You guys really called it. You said it would be a sexy album when the Hets all thought it would be angry (at the media) and full of heartbreak (Cow). And now the album is apparently without heartbreak, sassy and sexy and Taylor herself is glowing. And there's cute Joe to cover it. It fits with what you guys said from the start. I'm sorry if I sound surprised, but it's my first ride so I'm still a bit skeptical at some things you guys say. But you were right about that! :)

Hey :)

No worries, Anon.

Like i explained in a post yesterday, in reply to another Anon (about the same subject): for many of these reasons, it was logical for us to objectively bet on a happy album, with love songs…

We know Tay & Kar are really happy together, many insiders also know this…And we’re happy Tay really shows it & says it :) 

No matter what bird names the homophobics have been calling Gaylors/Kaylors for years, we are not crazy people, nor delusional, nor tinhats & gay obsessed….

We tell the truth: the whole thing regarding both girls is true…

We make mistakes about little things, yes, of course, we’re humans we are not always correct at a 100%, but the big picture, the beards, PR, tabloids, staged pics….All of this: it’s true.

And the way this new era has started, shows it even more clearly :) And i believe it’s going to be more and more obvious, after the tour begins next spring…

Some fans here, have been Gaylors since 2009, (when it was all on TLC), it’s not recent…

anonymous asked:

@57fandom59 blog was awesome and there were many good Gochi posts, that they took very long time to make. Why didn't they just leave it alone :( Fuck Super I swear! We lost pretty awesome Gochi shipper for this BS. I'm so sad.

I’m still not sure of the circumstances that drove them to delete their blog. Could have been personal reasons, could have been fandom reasons, or a combination of both. I entered the DB fandom almost around the same time the “never kissed chichi ” controversy happened, so I’m not sure how this fandom was like before that, but according to some of my fellow GoChi shipper friends, the hate mail was more frequent and vicious after that, so yeah maybe DBS did make things worse for the bloggers, and it is extremely frustrating to think that many have gotten bullied out of the fandom because of shitty anons and antis.

57fandom59 was an excellent blog and will truly be missed. My best wishes to them.

I’m going to make a list of other Son Family positive blogs so hang tight! Also a little something to show my appreciation for everyone who follows me.

ifiweremykid  asked:

I wonder if some of s4 might be Sherlock trying to write like John, like he did after the wedding - I'm thinking that blog post was done for a reason. Right after s4 aired, when everyone thought the show took place in Johns "mind bungalow" I thought it much more likely to be Sherlock imagining Johns mind, and I still feel like their personalities are intertwined somehow, like it's not always the same story teller. Maybe I'll have a rewatch clueing for looks. Thanks for making this fun again!

oo interesting! glad you’re having fun :)

can you believe they had to physically remove kira to make scott/malia endgame? like istg, if kira never left, her and scott would’ve been 100% endgame.

and even if allison never died, i’m pretty sure scira still would’ve been endgame. i mean, scott still fell for kira even while his first great love was still around. can’t say the same for malia though…

Though Sgt. Pepper is always regarded as a drug album, the only member of the group really taking a lot of drugs was John. Paul probably only had two acid trips during the three months the album took to record and only took it about four or five times altogether. The others, too, rarely used anything stronger than pot. The one hard drug used during the making of Sgt. Pepper was cocaine, then not widely in circulation. It featured in old blues songs - ‘Cocaine, goin’ round my brain.’ It had been fashionable in society circles in the twenties; Johnny Cash had sung about it; but outside of a few hip musicians and artists, it was not easily available until the end of the sixties.

Inevitably it was Robert Fraser who introduced Paul to cocaine. Robert always had a selection of drugs with him when he came down to the Sgt. Pepper sessions. He usually had two test tubes, the sort used in chemistry labs, one containing cocaine and the other speedballs: a mixture of cocaine and heroin. He offered them around freely and though the Beatles stayed well clear of the speedballs, others of their visitors were happy to indulge.

PAUL: He walked in with a little phial of white powder. 'What’s that?’ 'Cocaine.’ 'Shit, that smells just like what the dentist used to give us.’ To this day, I swear as kids in Liverpool we were given cocaine to deaden the gums. People say no, that will have been Novocaine, but I think that was much later. I recognise the smell from the dentist; it’s a medical smell coke can have. Anyway, that was my first thought about it. I liked the paraphernalia. I liked the ritualistic end of it. I was particularly amused by rolling up a pound note. There was a lot of symbolism in that: sniffing it through money! For Sgt. Pepper I used to have a bit of coke and then smoke some grass to balance it out.

So Robert introduced me to it, and I know the other guys were a bit shocked at me and said, 'Hey, man, you know this is like, “now you’re getting into drugs”. This is more than pot.’ I remember feeling a little bit superior and patting them on the head, symbolically, and saying, 'No. Don’t worry, guys. I can handle it.’ And as it happened, I could. What I enjoyed was the ritual of meeting someone and them saying, 'Have you seen the toilets in this place?’ And you’d know what they meant. 'Oh no, are they particularly good?’ And you’d wander out to the toilets and you’d snort a bit of stuff. Robert and I did that for a bit. It wasn’t ever too crazy; eventually I just started to think - I think rightly now - that this doesn’t work. You’ve got to put too much in to get too little high out it. I did it for about a year and I got off it.

[…] The plunge after it was this melancholy plunge which I was not used to. I had quite a reasonable childhood so melancholy was not really much part of it, even though my mum dying was a very bad period, so for anything that put me in that kind of mood it was like, 'Huh, I’m not paying for this! Who needs that?’ The other reason was just a physical thing with the scraunching round the back of the neck, when it would get down the back of your nose, and it would all go dead! This was what reminded me of the dentist. It was exactly the same feeling as the stuff to numb your teeth.
—  paul mccartney: many years from now, barry miles

anonymous asked:

(Ha ha! :D Anon is back~) Question: I am someone who just came from years of FNaF. Been there since the very beginning. Love the mystery, the story. The little hidden secrets. It drew me in. I bought Sister Location because I wanted to go through the game myself, looking at all the little details, even the useless ones. Hell, I even bought the damn book. Read it in a day too. Cause I want to know all I could. TL;DR I'm an observer. I like to know everything there possibly is. (TBC cause Tumblrr)

(Continued) Now, I’ve been dragged into BATIM for the exact same reason. Only, not everything is known about this game. The mystery is still there. And it’s still growing. Now, previously, I was fine just watching people talk about and play the game. But then I saw your recent post about Bendy at the door. The noises he made? THAT’S the kind of shit that got me buying Sister Location and Silver Eyes. Those little details. So I ask: Is BATIM worth the money? Would you recommend it? -WondersOfLife

Short answer: if you liked FNAF as much as you say you did, yes.  Yes, BATIM is worth it.

Slightly longer answer: BATIM is not that scary.  The intrigue comes from finding more out about the story, and from the general atmosphere, which a lot of folks find both charming and creepy at the same time (myself included).  Something REALLY fucked up is going on at the studio the game takes place in, and finding out what exactly it is and WHY it’s happening is the main draw.

anonymous asked:

Hey I saw ur post about "yaoi aesthetic" in the sheith tag, and I personally don't like lance due to how the fandom is insanely obnoxious about him. It's not always about race. I myself am latino and I'm just annoyed with how idolized he is. Also I not only ship keith with shiro, but I also ship kallura. I mainly ship based on dynamic. I can't speak for everyone else who ships sheith but I'm sure most of them would say the same

like sorry i don’t care what you ship or your reasons for disliking lance (whether it be something petty like how he’s treated obnoxiously by a group of fans who love him or what the fuck ever) 

if you read my posts and still don’t understand my reasoning and where i’m coming from, then i don’t wanna hear it. especially from someone who ships a minor and an adult together

also you can be latino and still be colorist, our community has a big problem with that and anti blackness lmao. you dont get a jail out of free card for treating characters of color shitty

  • dreamworks fans: for god's sake dreamworks quit beating a dead horse with so many of ur franchises, the world doesn't need that many shrek and madagascar sequels
  • dreamworks fans: also what even is the dreamwork's face. there is an actual name for this phenomenon. why do you do this. why are the characters in every movie poster making the same smirk. what even
  • dreamworks fans: you know there are people in the world who really like megamind??? crazy, i know. do you even remember that movie even existed
  • dreamworks marketing: ....ok...that sounds fake, but ok...

I think I’ve been underestimating the effect that being surrounded by people who look down on me for objectively shitty reasons has had on me. I mean, I spent some time trying to be liked by these people last year, and not only did that not work, but it made my mental health really shitty. These days, I’ve pretty much let go of the belief that my classmates could be potential friends, but they haven’t changed their opinions on me, and are still treating me the same way. And I’ve been pretty arrogant to believe that that wasn’t going to keep affecting my mood and my self-esteem.

It’s made me look down on myself, and it’s combined with my already well-developed senses of guilt and self-doubt to form the sincere, persistent, inescapable belief that I’m worthless, that all my friends should look down on me, and that I’ve somehow deceived or even forced them into spending time with me. And of course, it’s also reinforced my deep-rooted abandonment issues and paranoia that everybody’s going to leave me. A fun and appealing mental health cocktail!

My friends are amazing, though, and recent conversations with them have made me genuinely determined to seriously work on letting go of the aforementioned issues. I think that if I want to keep my relationships with the people I care about healthy, I need to accept that my friends love me and care about me in return, and that this might actually be healthy and constructive instead of destructive.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say with this incredibly wordy ultrapersonal vent post. Maybe just that I want other people who feel this sense of worthlessness to look for the people who’ve been teaching them that shit - and then look for the people who they can actually build healthy connections with.

In conclusion, fuck self-loathing.

“hearts not parts!!”

ok but other orientations are not focused on genitals either please don’t pretend that this is the only identity that falls in love with the person for “who they are, not what they are,” because that makes it seem like others don’t do the same, regardless of their sexual or romantic orientation. thank you very much this has been a psa have a lovely day

anonymous asked:

please I just spent the last two hours going through your blog I can't get enough of berserk could you recommend me more berserk blogs like yours please I'm dying

lmfao DON’T WORRY FRIEND I UNDERSTAND THE THIRST; we’re in this together yo, I’ll help u sate it. Time for some promotion.

@fuckyeahberserk, bc every fandom needs a fuckyeah blog.

@1-71v is full of incredible caps among their own edits.

@faustuszero posts some hella great artwork.

@berserk-confessions need I say more?

@strangemonochromes is manga cap galore.

@s-erpico is no longer active, but they have a pretty rad selection of caps.

@commanderguts for the same reasons as above.

@berserk-translations ain’t too active, but they’re still fun to look through.

and lucky for u, @o-blessed-king-of-longing‘s just made a return. one of the top Berserk blogs out there. belated welcome back btw.

others include @vizslavegas, @buhserk, @berserkarchive, @allthingsberserk, @gatsuey, @i-nereo, @berserkmangaguts, @voyagetofantasia, and likely some others I’ve missed. have fun drowning in all the Berserk on your dash bc I definitely am

10

@scissortailedsaint said This whole subplot is an interpretation of bi sexuality. It’s an interpretation that invalidates and casts suspicion on bi sexuality and same-gender desire in general. Men who have had relations with men but who are now with women are treated narratively like a ticking time bomb. The specter of “homosexuality” is something that threatens and destabilizes man/woman relationships. This is how Connor treats Aiden’s sexuality: he capitalizes on the fact that same-gender behavior is threatening in order to hurt Michaela and sabotage Aiden’s relationship - for no real reason except that he’s a spiteful person! And Michaela responds to his hints by feeling threatened and first attempting to ignore/silence this information and then eventually confronting Aiden.
[Read the entire post here.]

sherlockrulestheworld  asked:

I'm still feeling very down after Alan Rickman's death... I knew it'll affect me but never thought that this much... And seeing these post makes me sad and happy the same time. Happy because so many people are remembering him, but sad 'cause the obvious reason. He was my favourite icon/actor/everything since I was 11. I grow up loving him. It's like my childhood ended once again. And it's soo god to know that there are poeple who understands because my friends think it's stupid. So thank you! <3

I didn’t think it would bother me as much as it has either! It’s such a strange thing cos i feel very sad still, whenever i think about him. And his wife Rima. Aw! Bless you. There are lots of us here in the same boat, just a click of a button away!

I read a tweet saying something like, he was always someone you thought about just always being there, like out having a coffee, or being at a dinner party with someone famous and fabulous! I’m not naive enough to say indestructible, but he was just so young and it was.. still is, such a shock. Such a nice man and these stories about him just confirm it - he was completely selfless and would use his good fortune, talent and opportunities and just give, give, give to others less fortunate. I love that story of him being on the 360 Tim Burton set for ST and running into RADA gathering up as many techie students as he could and taking them on set with him so they could check out this amazing T.Burton set - i loved hearing that. And there are so many similar stories! I don’t think i know anyone else quite that kind and caring that does that?

 I think a lot of people never realised how much of an impact he had on them until he died. But they say that, don’t they? You don’t know what you got until it’s gone.  

And yes, i agree with the last sentence. None of my RL lot really get it either. But worth reading what JK Rowling tweeted today, “So do we have the ‘right’ to grieve for someone we don’t even know? Absolutely. The day we feel we cannot grieve for a hero is the day we need to question how we are approaching grief in general. And maybe through this process, we can even learn how to approach mortality and personal grief in a more uncensored way.”