and i'll throw in

Humans are weird, apparently

Ok, I decided I wanted to try my hand at adding to this “Humans are Space Orcs” thing.  Apologies if it’s been done before, but I haven’t seen this particular thing.

Imagine the aliens coming to Earth and looking at our media, at the products in our stores, and all over the place they see the most obvious warnings and disclaimers.  “Caution, food will be hot,” “Professional driver on closed course,” “Do not attempt.”  And they just think that humans must be absolute idiots because who the heck needs to be told that, right?

But they don’t know about human litigation.

Sure, the aliens have laws and treaties and whatnot, but what with an intersteller community and all these different races and languages, they just naturally abide by the spirit of the law, because who would want all that precise translation and finicky language and loophole abuse and obvious rule patches?  Way too much work for the aliens.

So humans join the galactic community, start developing relationships and trade deals and agreeing to abide by whatever the aliens call their Geneva Convention.  Everyone’s happy.  Until the aliens start looking a little closer at actual human behaviour.

“Umm, Ambassador Joseph, we can’t help but notice that your people have been making more dreadnoughts than the Isni Treaty allows.  This is making us very nervous.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean, President Gangril.  We only have four dreadnoughts.”

“You registered four, but when reviewing your fleet, we found there were at least twenty?”

“The other sixteen are heavy crusiers.”

“They’re clearly dreadnoughts.”

Joe brings out a large stack of papers.  “Actually, according to the treaty, dreadnoughts are over 906 metres, and these cruisers are 890 metres long.  The guns also…”

Until the aliens are collectively tearing out their hair analogues and somehow human lawyers get even richer as the galactic community desperately hires them in an effort to prevent this behaviour.

this is really old but BABU BATH TIME

To round up the Agents of SHIELD news from ABC’s upfronts:

  • Agents of SHIELD will be premiering Fridays at 9pm. [source]
  • It’ll be premiering mid-season, after Inhumans has finished airing. [source]
  • ABC have ordered a full 22 episode season. [source]
  • The lead in to Agents of SHIELD will be Once Upon A Time. [source]

See the full ABC fall schedule here.

I still can’t believe that Still Star Crossed gonna bless us not only with enemies to friends to lovers and arrange marriage trope, but also with the undying classic of “we have to stay for a night in the hotel / inn and there is only one available room left WITH ONLY ONE BED. i guess we’ll have to share, what a shame.”

Like… What have we even done to deserve this show?