and i'll have you know that i did not pay for this

I'm so much happier 😊😊😊 now that I'm dead😵💀. Technically 🤔missing🕵. Soon to be presumed dead😵💀. Gone👋🏻. And my lazy 💤 lying 😈 shitting 💩 oblivious 🙄husband 💑 will go to prison 🚓 for my murder 🔪🔪🔪. Nick Dunne took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money💰. He took and took from me until I no longer existed. That's murder🔪🔪🔪. Let the punishment fit the crime. To fake a convincing murder 🔪🔪🔪 you have to have discipline💪. You befriend a local idiot💁. Harvest the details 👀📝 of her hundrum life and cram her with stories 📚 about your husband's 💑 violent temper 😡😡😡. Secretly create some money 💰 troubles: credit cards 💳, perhaps online gambling💻♠️♣️♥️♦️. With the help of the unwitting👱🏻, bump up⬆️⬆️ your life insurance💵. Purchase getaway car🚘. Craigslist. Generic. Cheap. Pay cash💵. You need to package 🎁 yourself so that people will truly mourn 😭😭😭 your loss. And America 🇺🇸 loves ♥️ pregnant 👶women 🚺. As if it's so hard to spread your legs. You know what's hard? Faking a pregnancy 👶. First, drain your toilet🚽. Invite pregnant 👶 idiot 💁 into your home 🏠 and ply her with lemonade 🍋🍋🍋. Steal 🤗 pregnant 👶 idiot's 💁 urine 🚽. Voilà! 🎉 A pregnany is now part of your legal medical record 🗃. Happy Aniversary💑🎉. Wait for your clueless ❔ husband 💑 to start his day 📆. Off he goes... 👋🏻 and the clock is ticking ⏱. Meticulously stage 🎭 your crime scene 🕵 with just enough mistakes to raise the specter of doubt 🤔. You need to bleed 💉. A lot💉💉. A lot, a lot💉💉💉💉💉. The head wound 🤕 kind of bleed 💉. A crime scene 🕵 kind of bleed 💉. You need to clean; poorly👎, like he 💑 would. Clean and bleed 💉, bleed 💉 and clean. And leave a Little something behind: a fire 🔥in July📆? And because you're you👸🏼, you don't 🚫 stop there. You need a diary 📒. Minimum three hundred 3️⃣0️⃣0️⃣ entries 📝 on the Nick and Amy 💑 story 💭. Start with the fairy-tale early days: those are true, and they're crucial. You want Nick and Amy to be likable💖. After that, you invent. The spending💸, the abuse👊🏻💥, the fear😱, the threat of violence🔪. And Nick thought he was the writer📝... burn it🔥, just the right amount. Make sure the cops 👮 will find it 🕵. Finally, honor tradition with a very special treasure 💎 hunt. And if I get everything right ➡️, the world 🌎🌍🌏 will hate 😡 Nick for killing 🔪🔪🔪 his beautiful 😇, pregnant 👶 wife 💑. And after all the outrage 😡😡😡, when I'm ready, I'll go out on the water 🌊 with a handful ✋🏻 of pills 💊💊💊 and a pocket full of stones. And when they find my body 💆🏼, they'll know: Nick Dunne 👱🏻 dumped his beloved 💑 like garbage 🚮, and she floated past all the other abused, unwanted, inconvenient women 🚺🚺🚺. Then Nick 👱🏻 will die 😵💀 too. Nick 👱🏻 and Amy 👸🏼 will be gone 👋🏻, but then we never really existed. Nick 👱🏻 loved a girl 🚺 I was pretending to be. "Cool 😎 girl 🚺". Men 🚹 always use that, don't they? As their defining compliment: "She's a cool 😎 girl 🚺". Cool 😎 girl 🚺 is hot 🔥. Cool 😎 girl 🚺 is game 🎲🎮. Cool 😎 girl 🚺 is fun 🎉. Cool 😎 girl 🚺 never 🚫🚫🚫 gets angry 😡 at her man 🚹. She only smiles ☺️ in a chagrined, loving 💕 manner. And then presents her mouth 👄 for fucking 👉👌. She likes 👍 what he likes 👍, so evidently he's a vinyl hipster 👨👓 who loves ❤️ fetish Manga 📚. If he likes girls gone wild 👙, she's a mall 🛍 babe who talks football 🏈 and endures buffalo wings 🍗 at Hooters 🍈🍈. When I met Nick Dunne 👱🏻 I knew he wanted "Cool 😎 girl 🚺". And for him, I'll admit: I was willing to try. I wax🕯-stripped my pussy 😽 raw. I drank canned beer 🍺 watching Adam Sandler 💩 movies 📼. I ate cold ❄️ pizza 🍕 and remained a size 👗 two 2️⃣. I blew him 🍆👄, semi-regularly. I lived in the moment. I was fucking game 🎲🎮. I can't say I didn't enjoy some of it. Nick 👱🏻 teased out in me things I didn't know existed. A lightness ☀️, a humor😂, an ease. But I made him smarter 🤓. Sharper. I inspired him to rise ⬆️ to my level. I forged the man 🚹 of my dreams 💭. We were happy 😊 pretending to be other people. We were the happiest 😊😊😊 couple 👫 we knew. And what's the point of being together if you're not 🚫🚫🚫 the happiest 😊😊😊😊? But Nick 👱🏻 got lazy 💤. He became someone I did not 🚫🚫🚫 agree to marry 👰🏼. He actually expected me to love ❤️ him unconditionally. Then he dragged me, penniless 💵🚫, to the navel of this great country 🇺🇸 and found himself a newer, younger 👧🏼, bouncier cool 😎 girl 🚺. You think I'd let him destroy 👎👎👎 me and end up happier 😊😊😊 than ever? No 🚫🚫🚫🚫fucking way. He doesn't ❌ get to win 🏆. My cute ☺️, charming 😉, salt-of-the-earth Missouri guy. He needed to learn 📝📚. Grown-ups 👱👴 work 💪 for things. Grown-ups 👱👴 pay 💵💵💵. Grown-ups 👱👴 suffer consequences 😖.
⊱simple introduction starters⊰
  • ❝what are you doing here?❞
  • ❝you're going to hurt yourself, let me help you.❞
  • ❝why are you staring at me?❞
  • ❝if you didn't want to talk to me, you could've just said so.❞
  • ❝i think you dropped this.❞
  • ❝here, i'll pay for that.❞
  • ❝so i assume you're the one everyone's talking about.❞
  • ❝that outfit looks nice on you, where'd you get it?❞
  • ❝why are you doing this?❞
  • ❝so that looks dangerous... want to try it?❞
  • ❝you're going to do WHAT with WHAT?❞
  • ❝can you help me grab this?❞
  • ❝don't talk to me until i've had my coffee. thanks.❞
  • ❝that was possibly the weirdest thing i've ever seen.❞
  • ❝you have the prettiest smile i've seen all day.❞
  • ❝do i have anything on my shirt?❞
  • ❝are you waiting for an interview too?❞
  • ❝is this seat saved for anyone?❞
  • ❝i've never been here before, it's beautiful.❞
  • ❝do you know the directions to (location)?❞
  • ❝so how long have you been working here?❞
  • ❝how many of those have you had?❞
  • ❝i'm not suppose to talk to strangers.❞
  • ❝you'll be ok, i promise.❞
  • ❝can you hear me?❞
  • ❝i think you're on my foot...❞
  • ❝i guess you're stuck with me 'til the elevator starts working.❞
  • ❝could you POSSIBLY get more annoying?❞
  • ❝i have several questions, first off WHY?❞
  • ❝why would you do that?"
  • ❝i think that guy is giving you a weird look.❞
  • ❝hey are you ok?❞
  • ❝do you live here?❞
  • ❝are you third-wheeling too?❞
  • ❝why are like this?❞
  • ❝who did this to you?❞
  • ❝who told you that?❞
  • ❝why are you following me?❞
Kiss Scenes 101: How To Write The Perfect Kiss

Anonymous said: Hey there. Not sure what kind of questions you accept but…here goes. Do you have any tips for writing kiss scenes? Not fluffy kiss scenes but really passionate ones. Thanks!

I was hoping to post this on Valentine’s Day, but I got a little busy so it got pushed back. Happy (late) Valentine’s Day, and enjoy!

|| 1 || Detail. Remember that describing a kiss means including more detail than just what is happening and when. Be sure to include description of how the protagonist’s five senses are being affected, as well as some other elements such as:

  • What the protagonist smells
  • What the protagonist tastes
  • What the protagonist hears
  • What the protagonist sees
  • The inner monologue of the protagonist, if the point of view in your story allows it.

|| 2 || Make the kiss(es) realistic. Situational details are a key factor in making the scene more satisfying and memorable. Pay attention to details like the character’s physical characteristics, such as glasses, braces, messy hair, etc. and incorporate those tiny details into the scene.

She turned her head to the left, leaning in to brush her lips against her partner’s, but was interrupted when their noses bumped together, making them both giggle, and the awkwardness fade away.

I mean, sure, that’s not the best example, but at least it’s better than:

Their lips collided, and they made out flawlessly, as if they were in a Nicholas Sparks novel.

Little details like bumping noses, giggling, grinning like an idiot, stumbling, hesitating, etc. can make the scene so much better.

|| 3 || It doesn’t always have to be a full on make out session every time two characters kiss. A lot of the time, kisses are short and sweet and that can be enough to send a substantial spark to the fingers and toes, and send the reader out smiling. Pecks, if only on the cheek, can be more than enough and are extremely underrated.

|| 4 || Pay attention to what your characters do with the rest of their bodies. Kissing is in no way just about the mouth. Keep in mind that most of the time, people don’t just lean forward and mush their faces together. Grab the face, caress the lower back, hold their hand, hell, sweep them off their feet and carry them into the sunset! Don’t just stand there!

|| 5 || Lastly, but not least..ly.. VOCABULARY. Using the right wordage can improve your kiss scene-no, scratch that- ANY SCENE a million times better. I’ve made an entire post on vocabulary and synonyms to use for your sex/kiss scenes {shameless plug} and you can find it: 

HERE HERE HERE HERE HERE HERE HERE HERE

|| 6 || Read kiss scenes as a writer would. Read kiss scenes that you’ve enjoyed and nitpick them to find what you do and don’t like about them, adding the good things to your own scene and being wary of the bad. 

And now, here are some extra tips to get you going:

 I. Practice - If you’re in a relationship or have a really great friend {;)}, practice the act and take notes on how it actually feels! A lot of people who read these kiss scenes take it as the reality because some have never kissed anyone, so teach them how it’s done!

II. Know your characters - Would they actually bite their partner’s lip like that? Would they actually go as far as caressing the majestical inner thigh? Think about it.

III. Add elements of the setting - Are your characters standing in the middle of a crowd? In a high school hallway? Elevator? Include details like sounds and smells and lighting to give the reader a more full-sensory experience.

IV. Dialogue can be fun to play with - Kissing doesn’t always have to be silent. Maybe they break for a second to say “You’re so beautiful” or “Did you pop a mint when I wasn’t looking, oh sneaky one?”. Include those little mutterings or comments because they are some of the best parts.

V. Have someone you trust read it - If you’ve got a good friend who will be honest, have them read and suggest edits. Google docs is fantastic for having your friends read and help you edit your work, because you can change the setting to “suggest edits” and you can see everything they’ve suggested without permanently altering the scene.

In my head, we were going to end up together. It was going to be the most epic love story. The longest burn, but with the most rewarding finale.

The library glances and smirks were going to pay off. Our friends would joke about how they saw this coming, how infuriating it was that neither of us would make the first move. 

It’s funny because I got over you last summer, and then after 3 months I saw you again and the lust came flooding back. But it’s different now. I don’t want you the way I used to. I made you unattainable.

You see the problem with the long burn, is it gave me time for my imagination to run wild. And neither of us could live up to the expectation that I made for us. 

I think you will always be the one I wish I had of swallowed my pride for. You will be the one I wish I had of put my fear of rejection aside for. But I didn’t, and neither did you. So now I can’t play the games, because it hurts too much to know what I could have had.

—  To the one I fell for a long time ago, and still has a place in my heart 

anonymous asked:

'#I'll never get over just how obvious his crush was... while also being something people were able to miss??#henrik just nailed it PERFECTLY' yeah i always think about because i totally get why people were skeptical and thought even was a fuckboy because he had a gf!! but also looking back he was SO into isak from the jump and it's so funny how obvious it truly was

I myself can’t really see people how people thought he fucking with Isak, because he was so clearly framed as the love interest, but I kind of like that they did? I like when people are working hard to read a story and have a lot of questions (when it pays off, lol). But I can DEF see how people were entirely taken in and thought he was cool and mysterious and “wtf is this guy’s deal!!” “wtf pt 2: he has a gf?????” alongside Isak.

It’s great that you can take just the first two episodes (I like to think about it before we even get to even’s room in mekke øl!) and nothing else and go “okay, whatever is going on with him… dude has a crush” though:

he’s legit not paying attention and scanning the room until he sees isak, wow…

he’s so nervous, how did I not notice how nervous he was??

do you know how hard I worked for us to have accidental eye contact

p l e a s e, he’s so happy a chance to talk to his crush fell into his lap like this

and then this shyest, crushiest little birdface!! he was so… obvious

I just love that it’s not that specific hints were dropped but rather if you watch Even closely, you can see it from his perspective the whole time. Henrik deserves a lot of credit imho for how well he walked that line and the directing/editing for showing you just enough but not too much. Production makes a huge difference, sometimes it’s down to the lighting and post processing! Do you remember how when Passe på meg aired with “I saw you the first day of school”, there was suddenly a deluge of people lightening the first meeting at kosegruppa and ‘discovering’ Even’s face then?? I laugh now at how perfectly D A R K those shots were:

And how much that worked to obscure his expression:

Everything about Even’s perspective in those early eps was so well done and it adds so much to the show that you can go back and see through his eyes once you know him better.

Steal my groceries? I'll steal your mama's homemade tamales.

Buckle in kids, this is a long one, but well worth the ride. (TL;DR at the end)

This happened nearly 15 years ago, when I was in college renting a house with two other people. In order to understand the gravity of this situation you must first understand the dynamic between my female roommate (whom I’ll call Becky) and myself (also female). We had one guy roommate (I’ll call him Bob), and the three of us all worked together at a restaurant and lived in the same house for 2 years.

So the three of us were pretty close during that time, we shared a friend group, worked together, and had roomed together a year prior. However, to say Becky and I were friends would be a generous assessment of the true nature of our relationship. You see, Becky and I come from very different backgrounds and also have diametrically opposite personalities. She was from a lower socioeconomic group, a racial minority, and street-savvy. I am the WASPiest wasp of all wasps who ever wasped, come from middle class whiteville and am terribly naive. (I’ve learned a lot about my naiveté since then but I can still be a little dim to the true nature of people and have been hurt many times because of this.)

Keep reading

Take my mail? I'll help the state take your kid.

This is what I thought to be somewhat pro revenge but correct me if I’m wrong. Also this is long so tl;dr is at the bottom.

It all started about 4 months ago while I was living in a shitty duplex, in the shitty part of the city where I used to live. I had been living in this duplex for about a year and a half and even though it wasn’t in a good part of the city, no one really bothered us and our neighbors were pretty normal so I didn’t really mind it. At least not until my old neighbors moved out and Satan’s minions moved in.

I knew from the moment I first met them that there was going to be an issue. There were 5 of them all together(three guys, one baby, and one girl), and these were only 1 bedroom places. I tried my best not to judge, so I went over while they were moving to say hello and welcome them to the area. I walked over and said “Hi! How’s it going? I guess you guys are my new neighbors huh?” all 5 of them at the exact same time stopped what they were doing and stared at me. The oldest of the bunch was a guy, and I extended my hand out to shake his, and he just looked at my hand, and then looked up at me and said “What do you want kid?” I replied “Just to welcome you guys to the area. Sorry to bother you.” He just stared at me, so I started to walk off and as I did I looked back and said “Lift with your knees not your back!” just to be an ass. That was the only contact I had with them for the next two weeks.

Keep reading

Jealous Girl.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Readers.

Warnings: SMUT. Jealousy, annoyed reader, PWP, unprotected sex (Kids, remmeber to wrap your presents). Public sex, me being a shameless hoe for Murder Daddy.

Word Count: 1262.

Rating: 18+

Masterlist

So… I wanted to write jealous reader. @sexylibrarian1 was ordering me to finish this so I could go and start writing that other thing (she knows what I’m talking about). Here you go, now you have something to complain about.

Keep reading

  • someone: "short"
  • Edward Elric: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated as the youngest in my class on State Alchemy, and I've been involved on numerous secret raids on Drachma, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top alchemist in the entire Amestrian armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Amestris and your address is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Amestrian Military and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

° ✧ GAME OF THRONES PROMPTS. PART I.

possible triggers, read/reblog with caution.

SEASON ONE :

❛ Nine years! Why have I not seen you? ❜
❛ Where the hell have you been? ❜
❛ Would you please shut up! ❜
❛ Take me to your crypt, I want to pay my respects. ❜
❛ Surely, the dead can wait. ❜
❛ Did I offend you? Sorry. ❜
❛ What the hell do you know about being a bastard? ❜
❛ I heard you the first time. ❜
❛ It’s no mercy, letting a child linger in such pain. ❜
❛ I just want to stand on top of the Wall and pissoff the edge of the world! ❜
❛ Give me a good, clean death any day. ❜
❛ What good will my sympathies do them? ❜
❛ Your absence has already been noted. ❜
❛ One word and I hit you again. ❜
❛ I’ve half a mind to leave them all behind and keep moving. ❜
❛ You’re too hard on yourself. You always have been. ❜
❛ I swear, if I weren’t your king/queen, you’d have hit me already. ❜
❛ Trust me, that’s not the worst thing. ❜
❛ Tell me we’re not speaking of this. ❜
❛ Oh, it’s unspeakable to you? ❜
❛ Look at me and tell me what you see. ❜
❛ You broke my nose, bastard! ❜
❛ I wonder how long it’d take you to hit! ❜
❛ They hate me because I'm better than they are! ❜
❛ Glad to see you’re protecting the Throne. ❜
❛ It must be strange for you, coming into this room. ❜
❛ But you just stood there and watched. ❜
❛ Is that what you tell yourself at night? ❜
❛ How could you let this happen?! ❜
❛ I received a slightly warmer welcome on my last visit. ❜
❛ Do you remember anything about what happened? ❜
❛ Why are you here? ❜
❛ I have a gift for you. ❜
❛ Will I really be able to ride? ❜
❛ Is this some kind of trick? ❜
❛ Piss on that! I wanna hit somebody! ❜
❛ You do move quietly. ❜
❛ You’re speaking of murdering a child. ❜
❛ You will dishonor yourself forever if you do this. ❜
❛ I felt something for you once, you know. ❜
❛ Does that make you feel better, or worse? ❜
❛ You wish to confess your crimes? ❜
❛ My crimes and sins are beyond counting. ❜
❛ I’m good at convincing others to do violence for me. ❜
❛ What do you think you’re doing?! ❜
❛ I have that right, same as you. ❜

SEASON TWO :

❛ We looked for you on the battlefield, but you were nowhere to be found! ❜
❛ I…I’ve been here, ruling the kingdoms! ❜
❛ I’m glad you’re not dead. ❜
❛ Knowledge is power. ❜
❛ Excuse the interruption. Carry on. ❜
❛ It’s been a… remarkable journey! ❜
❛ You brought this on yourself. ❜
❛ I’ve done nothing. ❜
❛ Do you understand we’re losing the war?! ❜
❛ Disappeared? What, in a puff of smoke?! ❜
❛ Must be hard for you- to be the disappointing child. ❜
❛ Oh, I trust them with my life- just not with yours. ❜
❛ Three victories don’t make you a conqueror. ❜
❛ I won’t need a servant to do my beheading for me! ❜
❛ I heard you suffered a terrible head wound.  ❜
❛ I am very good at keepingsecrets for my good friends. ❜
❛ Who threatened you? ❜
❛ I understand the way this game is played. ❜
❛ I’ll have you thrown into the sea! ❜
❛ I am a pirate- I’m an excellent pirate! ❜
❛ That’s a promise that always comes true. ❜
❛ You don’t know how persuasive I am. ❜
❛ You’re the mosthonest smuggler I ever met. ❜
❛ You have no need to see this. ❜
❛ I believe we know how to pour our own wine. ❜
❛ Maybe I’ll hire this cook of yours. ❜
❛ I don’t listen to filth. ❜
❛ I appreciate your loyalty. ❜
❛ I’ll not have my honour questioned by an imp! ❜
❛ I just wouldn’t feel safe with you lurking about. ❜
❛ I command you to arrest this cutthroat! ❜
❛ Do you hear me?! ❜
❛ I think there’s more to ruling than that. ❜
❛ There’s no bigger joke in the world than that. ❜
❛ What about all the dreams you had that didn't come true? ❜
❛ Your time with the wolves has made you weak. ❜
❛ You gave me away if you remember. ❜
❛ You gave me away like I was some dog you didn’t want anymore. ❜
❛ You won’t get away with this. ❜
❛ I’ve decided I don’t like riddles. ❜
❛ You want to know what side my family fights on? ❜
❛ You gonna tell me where you’re from? ❜
❛ You can’t talk to me like that! ❜
❛ That’s twice I’ve warned you. ❜
❛ I don’t want you in my tent oneminute more than necessary. ❜
❛ It would be my pleasure. ❜

SEASON THREE :

❛ You’re wearing the wrong color. ❜
❛ When I’m free, will I be free to go? ❜
❛ I'll be free to kill you. ❜
❛ From now on, you’d better kneel every time I fart. ❜
❛ You’re telling me you saw… one of them.  ❜
❛ Did I come to the right place? ❜
❛ We’ll need to find you a new cloak. ❜
❛ I need an army. ❜
❛ It’s too beautiful of a day, to argue. ❜
❛ I am wondering why you sent for me. ❜
❛ Have you grown boredprotecting me? ❜
❛ I’m sure you’ve filled your pockets. ❜
❛ I don’t loan it out to friends as a favor. ❜
❛ I don’t even know what I’m paying you now! ❜
❛ Am I enjoying it? ❜
❛ I heard how happy you were. ❜
❛ I gave you real power and authority. ❜
❛ You brought a whore into my bed. ❜
❛ Why does everyone assume I want something? ❜
❛ A little bloody gratitude would be a start. ❜
❛ So tell me what you want. ❜
❛ I want what is mine by right. ❜
❛ The next whore I catch in your bed, I’ll hang. ❜
❛ I’m not your enemy. ❜
❛ I’ve never seen anything like it. ❜
❛ Even the bravest men fear death. ❜
❛ Tell the good master there is no need. ❜
❛ Here, I’m done with you. ❜
❛ How many do you have to sell? ❜
❛ We don’t get to choose who we love. ❜
❛ I only want to know what that means. ❜
❛ Are you frightened, child? ❜
❛ Tell us the truth. No harm will come to you. ❜
❛ I have traitor’s blood. ❜
❛ Please don’t make me say anymore. ❜
❛ Please, don’t stop the wedding. ❜
❛ That doesn’t mean they’re not worth helping. ❜
❛ I have no doubtyou will prove equal to this challenge. ❜
❛ This is the safest place in the city. ❜
❛ Any advice for me, on my new position? ❜
❛ How long will you be gone? ❜
❛ You don’t have the strength. It would kill you. ❜
❛ There is another way, a better way. ❜
❛ The blood of my enemies, not the blood of innocents. ❜
❛ What’re you doing, leading a mob of peasants? ❜
❛ I should have killed you! ❜
Steal my groceries? I'll steal your mama's homemade tamales.

TL;DR Bratty roommate steals more than just my groceries; I steal her mom’s homemade tamales. She suddenly learns to respect my stuff.

Buckle in kids, this is a long one, but well worth the ride.

This happened nearly 15 years ago, when I was in college renting a house with two other people. In order to understand the gravity of this situation you must first understand the dynamic between my female roommate (whom I’ll call Becky) and myself (also female). We had one guy roommate (I’ll call him Bob), and the three of us all worked together at a restaurant and lived in the same house for 2 years.

So the three of us were pretty close during that time, we shared a friend group, worked together, and had roomed together a year prior. However, to say Becky and I were friends would be a generous assessment of the true nature of our relationship. You see, Becky and I come from very different backgrounds and also have diametrically opposite personalities. She was from a lower socioeconomic group, a racial minority, and street-savvy. I am the WASPiest wasp of all wasps who ever wasped, come from middle class whiteville and am terribly naive.  (I’ve learned a lot about my naiveté since then but I can still be a little dim to the true nature of people and have been hurt many times because of this.)

Becky, being the scrappy hood rat she was, liked taking advantage of people. We couldn’t leave a store without her stealing something and then later bragging about the “five-finger discount” she got.  She stole things from me and our other roommate, she manipulated people in our friend group to try and make me an outsider, she used me for my car, and she bullied me constantly by making snide remarks about being spoiled and telling anyone and everyone who would listen that my parents paid my rent. Yes, my parents paid my $300 share of the monthly rent because I was going to school full time and working a thankless waitressing job, the horror.

Okay so enough background. In the second year of our time in the house, Becky lost her job at the restaurant and decided not to work anymore. She also wasn’t going to school, didn’t have a car, and so she’d sit in her room all day smoking and drinking pepsi. About this time she got herself a boyfriend with a full time, well-paying job, so he was able to provide her with all the cigarettes and pepsi her little heart desired. One thing her boyfriend didn’t do, however, was reimburse me for the groceries she ate that I bought.

Every time I bought groceries, Becky would help herself to whatever I bought and sometimes sheepishly offer to pay me back. Which you already know she never did. Because how would she? She had no job and no money and I don’t like pepsi.

So this goes on for months, because in addition to being woefully naive, I was also a giant wuss who wouldn’t stand up for myself. (This has thankfully changed in my 30s. IDGAF about calling people out on their shit and am good at protecting myself from being used by the Beckys of the world, but back then I was a total doormat. I’d get angry with people, but I couldn’t stand up for myself). I would buy $80 worth of groceries for myself, Becky would proceed to slowly leech off my stash and I would run out before I had more grocery money. She never paid me or offered any exchange of goods or services for this food, and I never demanded them, and she knew I was too scared to stand up to her, so she kept this cycle up for a very long time.

Finally fed up with having my food eaten without reimbursement, and reaching the limit of my own door-matness, I proposed that we implement private shelves in the pantry and fridge, so as to avoid confusion about who was eating whose food. Becky scoffed at this idea, saying it would be too easy to misplace things and it could lead to fighting in the house, so we just shouldn’t do it.

Fearing Becky’s wrath, I backed down and started hiding food in my room, which was useless because Becky broke into my room and stole from my stash anyway.

Now comes the revenge part.

Becky’s mom made the most mouth-wateringly delicious homemade tamales you’ve ever tasted. Like, no foolin’. They were a rare treat that she only made a couple of times a year, and Becky rarely got to have any because her parents lived several hours away. So one weekend Becky’s parents come to town, and mama made tamales. Their tantalizing aroma filled our house the moment she walked through the door, and we all knew this was her dankest batch yet. Becky, being the kind of person who liked bragging about anything and everything she could hold over people’s heads to make herself feel important, boasted all weekend about how her mom brought homemade tamales and they were all for her and I couldn’t have any.

So one night, after Becky’s parents have gone back home, Bob and I go out for some drinks. We head back home and decide to do it right and invite a couple of friends over and drink a little more, and smoke a little more, til we’re both nice and toasted. And hungry.

Since Becky and her now near live-in boyfriend have eaten most of my food, and because they never bother to buy groceries themselves or reimburse me for mine, there’s barely any food in the house. But there are tamales.

So Bob and I, in our drunken reverie, help ourselves to homemade tamales. And we eat every.last.one. And they are delicious. They were, without a doubt, the best homemade tamales I’ve ever had. And that’s saying a lot because I’ve had a few.

Later that night, Becky emerges from her room, walks over to the fridge, opens the door, and after a moment asks, where are my tamales? Bob and I, full of tamale and booze and THC and not giving a fuck, tell her we ate them. Becky slams the refrigerator door shut, exclaims “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME”, stomps down the hall, slams the door to her room, and yells to her boyfriend “they fucking ate them!”.

You’re goddamn right.

A few days pass while Becky avoids me and is generally even more unpleasant than usual. Finally, one afternoon as I’m looking for food in the pantry, Becky and her bf come in with a few bags of groceries. As they’re unloading them she tells me she’s decided it would be a good idea if we had assigned shelves in the pantry and fridge to avoid any confusion about who’s eating what. She decided. Mmhmm, sure Becky.

And she never ate any of my groceries again.

And that, dear friends, is my tale of petty revenge. Thanks for reading :)

He loves to talk, but not all the time. He tells me that talking doesn’t mean anything unless it’s worth ruining perfect silence. Most people, he says, waste their breath on everything that means nothing. But he likes when I talk. About the people in the coffee shop, and old cities I wish I’d been to, and which constellations I like best. About anything, really. We talk until the sun rises, and then we sleep all day. And we sing loudly when our favorite songs come on the radio, and we let our hands drift out the window like soaring birds, and we live. God, we live. Like addicts, and nomads, and kids with wicked minds and screaming hearts. Half the time we don’t know what day it is, but we don’t care. Because his bed feels the same on Monday and Thursday and Saturday, too. And we eat when our stomachs grow too loud, and we press close when we can’t pay the electricity bill, and we learn that sometimes what is perfect and what is enough live oceans away from each other.
     But when enough becomes too little and we don’t even have our two pennies to rub together, he performs on the street with an upturned top hat at his feet. Old, bluesy songs about wild girls and townie boys. And even though his voice is only ok, with cracks in all the important parts, people see his long hair and his big smile, and they stop to watch with enormous eyes. Look, they point: a boy who never learned how to worry playing at maturity, his face bent over a guitar, long fingers threading the strings. They stand on the streets, a cigarette break from their white collar routine, and see in him some other life. Some different path. They see themselves, a little happier, a little louder, a little more carefree. The kind ones wish him well as dollar bills float from their hands. Fives and tens and twenties from those who would do everything differently if they had another shot. One man with a fading ring tan above his left knuckle gives him a crisp hundred dollar bill, his face lost in thoughts of what might have been. Transparent. He’s like that with people: prying them open without even trying. He sees through them, and you, and even me. Especially me. 
      We lay in bed that night surrounded by paper that will only pay a fraction of our bills, but we laugh like we’ve won the goddamn lottery. Laugh so hard we can barely breath. I laugh until I cry, and he holds me in his hands and tells me that when he has the money, he’ll buy me a ring and make this whole shindig official. My voice raw with tears, I tell him he better.
     And he has the warmest hands with callouses on all the fingertips, which I don’t think anyone else knows. Not like I know. Not like they feel them against their palm and cheek and thigh in the middle of the night. I like that I hold a million tiny fragments of him that no one else has even touched. Like he calls his sister twice a week to make sure she’s not using again, and he only watches scary movies because they make my blood flow faster, and he’s an all consuming, thousand-watt, stars in his eyes kind of person. The kind people want to be around without ever knowing why. The kind who tells you he loves you and really means it.
     He only says it sometimes. When it’s just us two and the perfect silence is worth being broken. And I trace road maps across the skin of his back, and I wonder. I wonder what I did to deserve all this. The affection, and the easy smiles, and the list of kid names we like tucked away in his desk drawer. Shuffled between coins and nicotine gum. And then his breath is heavy in my hair. I never fall asleep before him because I don’t know how to stop thinking. I wonder and I wonder and I wonder how I ever thought I’d be better off on my own. And he pulls me closer. Whispers my name like a promise. All the world stands still for just this moment. And I wonder how a person- one single, broken person- can come along and make so much sense.
—  I hope you find this kind of love, and I hope you never let it go.
  • Client: We are calling to cancel our 2pm appointment. Sniffles is better.
  • Receptionist: Oh, good to hear! Are you sure you don't a doctor to take a look just in case? We close at 4 today.
  • Client: No. He's better.
  • 5 PM
  • Client: HELLO?! We are on our way now. Sniffles has been vomiting all day.
  • Me: I'm so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately we closed at 4 today, I'm alone finishing up paperwork, we aren't seeing appointments. Let me get you the info for the emergency clinic-
  • Client: We have been coming to you for years! I am coming down now.
  • Me: Ma'am. I understand you are worried but there is no staff here. You had an appointment and cancelled and now you need to go to the emergency hospital.
  • Client: I'm in the parking lot. You have to see me!
  • 7 PM
  • Me: ok. The radiographs are done. Everything looks normal.
  • Client: Why did that take so long?!
  • Me: I'm sorry you had to wait, I told you I am here alone so it takes a bit longer.
  • Client: So. Your saying I came for nothing?
  • Me: No ma'am. I'm saying based on my exam, the blood work, and the x-rays Sniffles appears fine. I can give him an anti-emetic and some fluids and-
  • Client: Unreal. Unreal! We came all this way and you can't find anything. He's sick! We're done. Let's go Sniffles.
  • Me: The good news there appears not to be a problem. I'll walk you up to the front and you can pay.
  • Client: 600 dollars?!
  • Me: That is exactly what was on the estimate. I had to charge you an after hours emergency fee plus x-rays and lab work. You signed for it all, see?
  • Client: I didn't know what I was signing! You took advantage of my grief! I refuse to pay. You knew how upset I was. I would have signed anything! You can bill my lawyer!
The signs as things I've heard people say at school
  • Aries: hey if I died right now do you think I'd still have to do my exams in hell
  • Taurus: why? Was I not supposed to use hydrochloric acid? Oh... Then I have a confession make
  • Gemini: chemistry can kiss my fat ass
  • Cancer: I'm gonna die a virgin who can't drive, can't swim and can't apply the cosine rule
  • Leo: yeah so I said who cares? I'm like really over you, you can suck 10 dicks. But then he said good I'm gay anyways. How did I not see that coming? (Cries)
  • Virgo: (everyone was talking about chicken fillets and asked her if she used one) no I'm a vegetarian you idiot
  • Libra: (when asked what we should do to avoid having this test) maybe if we stay still he won't notice us and he'll think that nobody's here
  • Scorpio: I think murder in a science lab should be legal if you end up with a moronic partner
  • Sagittarius: Look all I know is I was blazing it and then it started blazing me and I had to take the bus home with my shirt half burned off. It looked cool though
  • Capricorn: if I finish all these biology notes in my next free period I think I'll have time to go home and watch every single Star Wars movie
  • Aquarius: it's a fucking conspiracy. How can every single science teacher that ever taught me since year 7 just leave school like that... Something's up
  • Pisces: (why weren't you paying attention)I was thinking about how Drake would say xylem
Wet Bodies

Pairing: Scott x Reader

Warning: Cocky-Scott, shower sex, cursing. 18+

A/n: I’m working on a new Stiles series, and I got this idea but it didn’t fit in with the story so I decided why not just write it as a one-shot for Scotty.

masterlist

Originally posted by teenwolf--imagines


I used to think maybe you loved me, now I know that it’s true.

And I don’t want to spend my whole life, just waiting for you.

Now I don’t want you back for the weekend.

Not back for a day–

The water fell over your body like an angel dancing in the rain, it was hot and everything you needed after a hard day at work. Squirting the shampoo into your hand, you scrubbed it into your scalp as the song playing off your phone was blaring through your bathroom. Your legs did a little dance but you also focused on not slipping.

Just as the chorus was about to start, everything switched off. Your heart pounded, you stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around your body as you looked around in darkness. You cried out when the shampoo got into your eyes, “Just my luck.”

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Lights On

Anonymous asked: can you do an first meet encounter? it can end however you’d like!

A/N: I kinda combined this with the one where someone requested more smut?? Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: swearing, smut, oral (male receiving)

Originally posted by justcuchu

The cool summer nights were one of your favorite things about life at the moment. You made it a habit to come to this park and sit on the swing, sketching a picture out in the dim lighting of the moon. 

It calmed you, being able to watch people as dusk fell over the park and they began packing their things to go home. Soon enough, you were alone in the park and added shading to a drawing of the worn down park bench across from you that you had started a couple days ago. 

The chains that held the swing up creaked while your legs pushed your body back and forth, swaying softly with the wind. 

You heard rushed footsteps, causing you to slam your sketchbook closed and turn your attention to the sidewalk in front of you. 

Your heart was in your throat, suddenly aware of the creepy situation ahead of you. 

The footsteps walked in front of you, tripping over the raised concrete on the sidewalk. You held back a giggle, immediately stepping off the swing set and rushing to the person. 

“Are you okay?” You said, putting your hand on the stranger’s arm while they groaned in pain. 

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HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

Once again, Taehyung won’t make it home for Christmas.

Originally posted by chimtae

word count: 3.9k
genre: angst/fluff [i know, i’m in shock too]

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anonymous asked:

tododeku and tsuchako :0c ??

TodoDeku

  • Who said “I love you” first: It was actually Todoroki! One day Izuku literally just smiled at him and he just let it slip; it was extremely casual and he didn’t even realize he said it at first. Izuku heard him though, though. Izuku definitely heard him and it showed in his body language.
  • Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background: Izuku! He likes taking pictures of Todoroki when he’s not paying attention, he’s got a whole folder dedicated to it on his phone gallery.
  • Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror: Izuku. “If I leave smudges on the bathroom mirror in the steam, he’ll use his quirk to see what I wrote.” In reality, Todoroki didn’t even notice it until Izuku asked him about it, but what Izuku doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
  • Who buys the other cheesy gifts: Todoroki. He’ll see something that reminds him of Izuku and buy it on impulse. Needless to say, Izuku has a very strange collection of gifts at this point.
  • Who initiated the first kiss: Izuku did. It was one of those really awkward ‘I have to stand on my tiptoes to try to make this work’ kisses and Todoroki almost didn’t realize what Izuku was trying to do. Almost. The kiss wasn’t a complete failure, even if it was awkward and they bumped noses.
  • Who kisses the other awake in the morning: Izuku loves giving Todoroki kisses in the morning? He just showers him in kisses while Todoroki is barely awake.
  • Who starts tickle fights: Todoroki. He found out Izuku was ticklish during a hug once, and ever since, he’ll ‘accidentally’ tickle Izuku when cuddling. Izuku tries to retaliate but Todoroki isn’t ticklish and he can’t really complain without feeling kind of guilty because, “It’s just an accident, I swear.”
  • Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower: Todoroki, though he doesn’t do it with lewd intentions. It’s a ‘we both need to take showers, why not together’ thing, but regardless, Izuku never fails to get flustered over it.
  • Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch: Todoroki. He likes surprising Izuku and while he does it calmly and acts like it’s totally not a surprise, he likes seeing Izuku become a blushing mess because he decided to stop by with lunch.
  • Who was nervous and shy on the first date: Both of them were. Izuku was a nervous wreck and Todoroki was a silent mess of anxiety.
  • Who kills/takes out the spiders: Todoroki. Izuku is terrified of them, but he also doesn’t want to kill them. So Todoroki always ends up catching a spider and walking outside, typically in the middle of the night, to release them— because Izuku insists.
  • Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk: Izuku.

TsuChako

  • Who said “I love you” first: They said it at the same time, or at least that’s the compromise that they’ve reached. Tsuyu started off with “Hey I have something to tell you—” and immediately they both blurted it out. If you ask them who said it first, the ‘argument’ that ensues will go on for several minutes and they might even forget that you’re there.
  • Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background: Ochako; she spends her free time putting stickers and filters on selfies of Tsuyu and having a crisis over which one to use as a background and which to use as a screensaver.
  • Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror: Ochako!
  • Who buys the other cheesy gifts: Tsuyu has a growing collection of frog-themed trinkets and plushes because Ochako can’t help herself and impulsively buys them for her.
  • Who initiated the first kiss: It was an accident. Ochako had leaned in to kiss her on the cheek and Tsuyu turned her head. It wasn’t bad, it was just really cliché and in front of all of their friends.
  • Who kisses the other awake in the morning: Ochako can’t help herself when it comes to these things.
  • Who starts tickle fights: Tsuyu. Ochako is extremely ticklish and it’s a fun distraction.
  • Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower: Tsuyu. She doesn’t have lewd intentions, she just doesn’t see a reason for why they can’t bathe together.
  • Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch: Ochako may have the ‘I bought you this present’ surprise on lock, but Tsuyu most certainly knows how to play the cards correctly when it comes to these types of things. That one dish from that really obscure restaurant across the city that only Ochako seems to like? Just so happens that Tsuyu happened to stop by there? Unplanned? And she just happened to remember Ochako’s favorite dish and how she liked for it to be prepared and what kind of drink she liked with it? What a coincidence.
  • Who was nervous and shy on the first date: Ochako. Tsuyu spent most of the date trying to make sure Ochako wasn’t panicking, but she enjoyed comforting her so it was alright.
  • Who kills/takes out the spiders: Tsuyu.
  • Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk: Ochako! She also has a habit of slinging her arm around Tsuyu’s shoulders and she starts referring to Tsuyu solely as ‘my girlfriend’ with a ton of emphasis.