March, a former friend, Klaus, who worked with me on videos for my channel, put
a ‘callout post’ on Tumblr about me. The post contains logs of a conversation we
had after he came out to me that another friend had made him feel unsafe in skype
chats in late 2011.
I handled this
very poorly. I encourage you to read the logs Klaus has posted. [EDIT: You can find the post here. I originally did not link to it, because I was worried people would dogpile him, but on reflection if I’m saying you should read them it’s a mistake not to make them available, and I do not want to hide what I wrote.]
that there is a proper way to react when a person approaches you with a story like
the one he came to me with. It is always important to be kind to people who
trust you when they tell you they feel hurt. When this happened, I failed to do
this. Because I knew the person he was talking about, and I had been there at
the time for many of the conversations Klaus had been referring to, I immediately
went about investigating whether or not the claim was true. My first real response
to Klaus opening up to me about his fears was to tell him that I doubted him,
and to question if he was sure he was remembering things properly.
behaviour was wrong. I had the opportunity to respond with care and
understanding and instead my first instinct was to try to ‘check the facts’.
This is not a kind instinct, and it is not a good way of treating anyone,
especially a friend.
I write from
a position of privilege. I try my best to be a good person and see things from
a worthwhile perspective, but when it comes down to it I am a straight white man
living in a very secluded part of the UK where most people aren’t affected by the
worst of the problems I often talk about. I try to criticise the exact
perspective this can engender, but when this happened I didn’t even notice I
was acting it out myself. I failed to be compassionate to a friend who was
confiding in me. Even if everything Klaus had said had been untrue, it was still nothing short of cruel to respond the
way I did.
I want to be
a good ally and stand up for people who have been hurt, and I very clearly still
have a lot to learn from others. I wish I hadn’t needed to learn this lesson at
all in the first place. I know I have disappointed some people. I recently reached
out to my audience, asking people who have problems with aspects of my work to get
in touch and tell me what they feel I should do differently, and I want to
reaffirm that I read all of the messages that are sent to me, and take them
seriously. I lost a very good friend, someone who was and still is important to
me, because I failed to live up to the principles I believe in, and I do not
want that to hurt anyone like that again.
A couple of
other members of the community have shared the callout post and their
disappointment with what I wrote. I am heartened by this behaviour –it’s good that people in our little corner of
the internet are willing to criticise people’s actions, especially when they otherwise
agree with them or like their work or share their goals, and especially when that
person is me. This is exactly the sort of community I want to be a part of, and
I hope I can do right by it in my work.
I’ve made a
lot of mistakes in my life, and how I dealt with Klaus’ feelings is a big one. I
was a bad friend to someone who deserved to be treated better, and can never
undo that – but I can, and will, do better in the future.
for taking the time to read this. I can never apologise enough to Klaus. I don’t
expect him to forgive me. His post relates that he shared this story because he
wants me to do better in the future, and to grow as a person, and at the very
least I hope it’s clear that I want to live up to his, and your, expectations
(^-^) and this is my first, proper, video, I guess!
(^_^#) I mean, I’ve always kind of wanted to be the kind of person who posts videos, but I guess I’ve never really had the confidence or the motivation to.
(#^_^#) Says the person with tissue paper all over his face
(^_^/) *cleans off tissue paper*
(^_^) But that was until some really good friends of mine persuaded me to give it a shot!
(#^_^#) *thinks of Phil*
(/^_^/) and so I am!
(*_*) I sound nothing like this by the way, this laptop’s microphone makes me sound like a pedophile/tramp/polar bear
(#^_^#) please don’t take this personally.
(^_^/) *Fixes fringe*
(^_^) My videos will probably be a variety of things, from like little skits to vloggy videos or creative things! I’m going to try to make it interesting, and not all the same.
(^_^) Yeah i’m just going to try to not be like one of those people who sits there like
*SERIOUS ACTING* (!-!) Hi, so today kinda sucked, uh I went to college and it was raining and,, yeah, it’s kinda awkward I don’t know what to say.
(!<!) *laughs sadly*
(!-!/) *fixes fringe*
(!-!) I’m probably going to go now
(^_^) But yeah, I am going to try my best to at least attempt to be entertaining.
()\(^0^)% *Dances to music*
(^_^) So yeah if you could please click the yellow box of infinite happiness, cause’ I’m going to start making videos quite soon, I’ve got
(/^_^\) Loads of ideas
(^_^) And I’ll try to post videos regularly
(/^-^) *wipes mascara* What have I done to my face? blegh
==*== Side note, look what I woke up with! I just, I just woke up and that was on my arm, what the *EXTREMELY LOUD BEEP THAT NOBODY WAS READY FOR* was that? It’s like some bloody person took a square brand and impaled me in my sleep. Probably.
(^_^) Yeah if you’d like to subscribe I’d
(<3) *makes heart hands* love you forever, and I will
(/^_^/) See you soon!
Please don’t copy and paste this! It took around 3 hours to do all of this, and I’d love if you used the reblog button instead of reposting it. Thank you all, bye!
the problem is that gay people are always hypersexualized so that even if we do the same things that straight people do, we’re specifically targeted for it like its unique to us. people see gay bars as like, dens of sin, when theyre virtually the same as other bars except they cater to LGBT people. a gay couple kissing is immediately pda because straight couples kissing is normalized, its everywhere- but the moment a gay couple looks at each other on TV conservatives whine about “political correctness” and gayness “being forced on them”. often times gay spaces are the only places we can be open about our sexualities and be sexual just like straight people, but straight people use this against us to try and prove our sinfulness. that’s why when people complain that gay spaces are sexualized or that all pda should be tagged, etc, that we get angry and defensive. these are our only spaces, and yet people are still putting a burden on us to keep it hidden, to remember that even here, we can’t have an outlet. understand that we all have our boundaries.
edit: as many have corrected me, hypersexualized is not the proper term. hypersexuality is specifically related to trauma. i apologize for that. in the future, i will make sure to use “sexualized” or “oversexualized” instead.
i also want to clarify that when i refer to tagging pda, the problem is not necessarily with people who are triggered/have trauma related to affection and need it tagged. my problem specifically is with pda as a term, which has connotations that the affection expressed is inappropriate for being in public. same gender couples are policed relentlessly for any interactions in public, in comparison to m/f couples where far more is “allowed” to be expressed without scrutiny. i have seen many posts on tumblr written by wlw about two women being in a relationship or having any romantic implications tagged as “pda”…. even in a text post. even with the two women simply holding hands. it makes me extremely uncomfortable to see how these interactions between same gender couples are targeted even on tumblr, with no similar problem with m/f relationships because they are not as stigmatized. people who need affection tagged are not the issue here, the use of the term pda and its overuse specifically for m/m and f/f couples is.
I lost this weight by working hard, counting calories/logging food, eating the right things and a lot of it, and EXERCISE. crossfit, running, and weightlifting.
I lost weight the healthy and proper way, I just want to make that very clear.
I love food, it is fuel for your body, and you have to eat to lose weight.
Follow my fitness blog kr-fit.tumblr.com to see more about my workouts and meals!
Request: “request where simon and calfreezy both like you so they make a bet whoever wins the sidemen soccer match gets to kiss you ? you can choose who”
Warning: There are like two bad words. And some cringey jokes. Yikes
Note: This was originally 2200 words but then I cut out like 400 of them (it was super angsty you should be thanking me). Big, huge, gigantic thanks to Ayu ( @sdmntokyo ) for making this gif for me even while she’s on hiatus. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is. Happy reading :)
This is a little trick for those who wish to scale their pixel art and don’t own photoshop (which can, apparently, do it), and without any blur, as you can see in the example above :
The original pixel
The scaled pixel
Warning : This tutorial use MS Paint, which doesn’t handle transparency. If your pic uses a simple transparency (only the background is transparent), like in this example, you can easily make it transparent again in SAI (I’ll show you how). However, if your pic use more complex transparency, you’ll loose it on the big picture.
Filling the prompts “Van feeling like he’s not giving ready enough love or time and she has to convince him that she knows he loves her and she’s so proud of him like (extra if reader surprises van with her own career milestone like a book or album of her own and like uses it to show that she has her own thing too)” and “reader getting a tattoo and Van being there making fun but at same time he would be supportive and cute” from @tokyyo-narita
It was probably regular printer paper, but it felt heavier. Thicker. The white of it had a creaminess, and the ink was a deep black. You’d always loved stationery, so you took your time noticing those details before starting on the actual letter. It was from a publishing house. You were used to getting mail from them, but you’d learned to recognise the rejection letters without needing to even open the envelope. They were always mass produced things. Cheap stationery prone to producing paper cuts. Template written. Nothing like the correspondence in your hands.
Maybe the publishing house just cared about everything that left their doors, regardless of it being good news or bad. Maybe someone had taken the time to read your entire manuscript and provide meaningful feedback. That had happened once before. Maybe it really was about to deliver the dream you’d had since you first strung the alphabet together in a messy sentence.
You’d gotten as far as reading your name when Van walked through the front door. He was followed by Little Mary, her nails scratching at the floorboards and her bark bouncing off the walls. After them was Larry. Your holy trinity. You stuffed the letter back in the envelope and put in your bag.
“Hey, buttercup!” Van greeted. You walked to him and let him lift you by the waist and spin you around. It was good to have them all home. They’d flown in the night before, woken up late, then went out to get food. The kitchen filled with the smell of hot pastry and fresh bread.