and i think that's the most beautiful thing

“until you start seeing a therapist and get the help you need, i think we should take a break”

‘well, t—–, we might as well call it off now because im not going to’

i dont know how long wed been dating; close to a year, i think. she was the first person id ever honestly loved. first serious relationship after a slew of awkward ones. she was kind and caring beyond reason and she loved me of all people. which was the most baffling thing about our entire relationship.

picture a disney princess; that was her. beautiful, kind, energetic, crazy ambition. really creative. wonderful writer.

then picture a really destructive sid vicious kind of guy.; thats the type of person i was when i was dating her

underage, i was drinking and doing drugs and she didnt like that, but didn’t stop me. shed just say be careful. one night we’re up late just talking and she asks me to tell her about my life and stuff. she wanted to know everything about me. i made the mistake of telling her.

she looked at me different after that. started connecting my drug use and alcoholism to things my dad had done to me as a kid but i kept telling her over and over i was over all that shit. i guess i kinda lost myself towards the end of it. i was angry a lot because all she’d talk about afterwards was how she thought i could use a therapist. all she wanted to do was help.

she was like the warm yellow light that poured over everything she loved, and i was the grey ice water trying to drown her.

id like to say that it was for the greater good. she wasnt right with me, i wasnt good for her. she was perfect. i was a punk. i realized that. i want to say that i let her go because i knew shed be better off, but the truth is, i just dont like being told what to do; especially when people use themselves like that.

that was the last message we sent each other. a few weeks later we kind of awkwardly met again and talked and by that point we were already strangers, even when she started to cry and say she wished we could get back together. i said i wished we could too but i knew that the same things that had made me begin to resent her would make me angry with her again since i was so against her aid.

that was roughly 7 years ago. i still think about her from time to time, even though im in a really good relationship right now. id just like to know how shes doing and hope shes okay and where she wants to be in life. she deserves that much, i think.

i’m currently obsessed with being surrounded by beautiful things and beautiful people but.. thats my life. i think home is the most important thing in the world to me; the physical comfort of a home, home in a person.. knowing i have somewhere i belong, even if it changes over time

anonymous asked:

I think you're the most beautiful feisty bitch I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. You would kill to keep everyone around you happy and have the best god damn sense of humor ever. You're completely underrated in my opinion!! People that are trying to come for your ass must be jealous (thats a mom thing to say idc ) Also your an the best bird mom so!! iconic!! I love ur damn face, sarah.

i cant tell who this is but ik its someone from the raw pot me squad bc birb.. BUT THanKS what the HECK love u TOO is this allison i feel like its ALLison?!?!? I HOPE IM RIGHT BUT I LOVE U REGARDLESS CAN WE HAVE A JUNE WEDDING DONT TELL SAYSAR AND SHELL BYE

anonymous asked:

A MTL of who is most likely to date a Black girl? Thank you. AND UR BLOG GIVES ME LIFE

Ah shit I forgot to mention the no race/ethnicity thing (It offends some people). Also this isn’t a kink, but, you know, you seem sweet so :)

Honestly, the boys are so sweet and I don’t think any of them really care about looks that much. 

*Sentimental music plays*

Love is blind, after all, my sweet.

Send me “Ö” and I will tell you what my muse finds most appealing about your muse’s appearance.

      “That is a bit difficult to say, as you are a beautiful young lady, but I suppose if I must pick one, your hair is impressively lovely. The uniquely hued eyes are a close second.”

shevitza  asked:

Aurora, Stars (but with "what" instead of "who"), Nova (but with "where"), Meteor. (This has been a joint effort by Sarah and that one free loader that tried to buy you with free lush stuff).

What is the most beautiful thing that you can think of?

my wife, the sea (i think we all saw that one coming tbh)

What do you think of most?

oooo thats a hard one!! a lot of the time i think it is little anxiety nudges, like things i have to do or small worries but i think when im better focussed its like oooo i like that light, thats a nice wall….. a lot of things remind me of books ive read. i also think about grimes a lot. 

Where were you happiest?

up the war memorial at home is always strong but its more peaceful contentment than like beaming wild happiness i think
honestly probably just sat in machina or little sunny mornings w friends. i felt a lot of love this morning hehe

What makes you feel alive?

again, bein with my wife on a super rough day when the wind is goin and u cant tell the rain from the sea
really good poetry, esp when shakespeare nails it - i saw her once / hop forty paces through the public street; / and having lost her breath, she spoke, and panted, / that she did make defect perfection, / and, breathless, pow’r breathe forth. - like fuck me
sunsets
havin a proper good laugh 

(thank u i appreciate the effort <33 i mean u had me before u brought the lush stuff tbh but yes my affection is easily gained by kindness n coffee n things that smell nice all three of which u have supplied)