and i think some people are reblogging this as a joke

The way the media has been treating Ryan Reynolds and Josh Brolin’s dynamic during the Deadpool 2 promotion tour is giving me an insight into how all these homophobic fanboys can look past how blatantly queer the film is:

They think it’s all a fucking joke.

Josh Brolin has said repeatedly that he’s had a crush on Ryan Reynolds for a long time. That he admires him, that he finds him attractive, that his feelings for Ryan are complicated and unrequited but real.

And yet all I’m seeing are articles and youtube compilations about Josh’s “hilarious” “man crush” and how “funny” it is every time Josh talks about Ryan or they interact.

And I would suspect it was intentionally meant to be part joking and part queerbaiting for the purpose of fanning the movie’s hype except that:

  • Josh is out there correcting people who call it a bromance - saying “It’s a real romance”.
  • He’s having to tell people that “It’s not a joke”.
  • He’s calling interviewers out for laughing.
  • He’s saying that the only reason he feels weird admitting it is because people are treating his crush as funny.

And this audience attitude is the same one that allows Deadpool to come onto Colossus with the exact same context and tone he came onto Vanessa in the first film, and still lets straight fuckboys think it’s a joke.

It’s why Cable and Deadpool can explicitly flirt, and even have Cable do something as hugely self-sacrificing and romantic for the other man as he does, but there will still be people hypothesising that their strong connection is because Cable’s wife is Deadpool’s daughter or something.

At first I was annoyed that the film was too chicken to end with the two characters getting together, even though (without spoiling it for you) it wouldn’t have felt quite right for the plot so soon.

But now I’m suspecting that even if we’d had a passionate, candle-lit sex scene between Cable and Deadpool, these douchebags would still think it was some hilarious joke.

The franchise can capitalise on that homophobia to get more queerness into the movies, and to be honest it probably already has.

But I’m doubtful that they can do anything that’ll get through the thick skulls of these fuckboy-fanboys.

[edit: i put sources and gifs in my first reblog]

8

I have a NEW FAVORITE THING and it’s this ballad! 


EDIT: Now as a bonus, here is some additional commentary addressing those who have reblogged or replied to this post to say things like ‘this is gross, if it were about a man doing this to a woman everyone would be up in arms’ or ‘forced marriage isn’t funny! this is NOT goals!’ (spoiler: it is in fact goals, as you will see).

So I’ve seen a handful of comments like this on this post, and people can have their own opinions etc etc but that also means that I get to have an opinion about your opinions! and my opinion is that you’re* completely wrong and I’m going to tell you why

*this is a generic you, not the above posters specifically, their nonsense just happens to be at the top of my activity page and has therefore been chosen as the default sample

OKAY so there are two main reasons why the above criticism is not the scalding tea you* seem to think it is (and is in fact powdered Crystal Light that’s only partially dissolved in lukewarm bathwater), and the first one is

1) the ‘omg this is problematic/abusive’ argument, which I’m going to call Reading Comprehension Failure, because, my good personages, did you read the fcking thing? at all? The Berkshire Lady does not in fact force this dude to do ANYTHING. She challenges him to a duel which he shows up for. Willingly! One might even say consensually. He came to the grove ready and WILLING to have a fight with someone! And when she made her counter offer she wasn’t holding her sturdy rapier to his throat? she didn’t have goons holding his arms?

All she did was say ‘either go through with the fight–the prearranged fight that you knowingly signed on for when you showed up–or marry me instead!’ and then she walked away for an hour to let him think about it! He could have chosen to fight. He could have gone home. He even had a buddy to back him up, while the Berkshire Lady doesn’t have any companion mentioned in the ballad at all. Gentle reader! this is not what coercion looks like!

2) Now I’m going to address the second argument, the ‘this isn’t actually progressive’/’just imagine if a MAN did this’, which I think of as Y’all Don’t Know Anything About Ballads. Because the POWER SWITCH IS WHY THIS BALLAD IS RAD AS FUCK. Flipping the power dynamics IS progressive, especially in this ballad from approximately 1709ish.

More than one person has tossed out the ‘imagine if this was about a man forcing himself on a woman! then you’d see!’ but my dear people, I don’t have to imagine because there is literally an entire extensive subgenre of ballads that are specifically about men coming across women alone and taking advantage of them. Often they steal a Symbolically Significant Piece of Clothing, or sometimes a Symbolically Significant Food/Crop Item, but we ALL KNOW WHAT IT REALLY MEANS except maybe the people who failed the reading comprehensive don’t so I’ll clarify, the theft of the whatever = rape. This is such a big subgenre of ballads that Terry Pratchett does a whole bit about it in Monstrous Regiment, because Sir Terry knew what was UP.

So yeah, I can compare, and now we’re getting to the really juicy bit, the really Fuck Yeah This is Subversive stuff, BECAUSE The Berkshire Lady’s Garland aka Wife or Knife is sung to the tune of another ballad, a ballad called The Royal Forester.

And The Royal Forester is a jolly little ditty that is LITERALLY about a guy meeting a woman in the woods, ‘robbing her of her maidenhead’, and then refusing to tell her his name before riding off and leaving her. She figures out who he is, takes her case to the king, the king says ‘oh oops, well we’ll find him and if he’s married, we’ll hang him! but if he’s single, he’ll marry you’. And the twist ending of that ballad is that the Earl’s daughter ends up married to the blacksmith’s son, ha ha what a good joke. ha ha.

I mean, fuck that, right? So yeah, you take the tune of THAT ballad and slap this new narrative on it, this story about a badass woman of wealth and independence choosing her own husband based on her own desire even though he’s significantly below her social station, proposing to him in the most ridiculously badass way, marrying him without revealing her beauty or wealth, and then trolling him as her first married act?

YEAH. IT IS IN FACT SUBVERSIVE AF

And bonus point 3) This ballad is about an independent woman acting on her own desires, including (VERY clearly if you read the actual ballad) her sexual desires! That’s a cool thing that we don’t see very often, women in control of their identities and tuned into their desires AND valuing those desires.

IN CONCLUSION the Berkshire Lady was a top and y’all can’t handle her

no I don’t accept constructive criticism

THANK YOU for coming to my ted talk

good DAY

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Originally posted by rrrick

you know what? my last post on here is probably gonna be this lecture where i’m irritated at the audacity that white people have. i’m so fucking tired of you white kinnies and i hope this site gets shut down so you can get your head out of your ass and go outside. you make me so sick to my stomach because you think racism and microaggressions are okay because teehee it’s just kin dwama it’s not racism ecks dee like you get to decide what’s racist and what’s not.

because going by an asian name online to protwect pwivacy uwu is okay but fuck off. because maxie wants to go by kaworu and stanley thinks that kaori is pretty and as long as he specifies his race it’s fine. you wanna be asian so bad because japanese characters and monolids and small faces are so cute but you say ching chong when you hear any tonal language from the southeast and you wanna pull your eyes back and wear rice hats. you don’t know jack shit about west or south asia. you don’t fucking care either. all asians are the same to you.

it’s so fucking funny to go by an asian name huh? even though the vietnamese kid in class gets bullied for going by phuc. because aroon at the thai restaurant says he has to go by aaron so customers don’t talk down to him when they spit on him for how disgusting the food is because white people have never heard of spices. because bopha never wanted to speak khmer because the jocks kept making jokes with her name so it took her two years to start going by it again because she liked to be called stacy. you think this is just about names or whatever but you know what? white people don’t wanna cast asian actors anymore. or white people give asian actors the shitty antagonist roles.

you know what? this isn’t even just white people anymore. nonasians wanna go by kaworu or komaeda because you’re kin id in the flesh you should go by an asian name. shut UP. i know you have yellow fever. i know damn well you think the ladies at the nail salon shit talk you. they’re so much smarter and more hard working than you’re ever gonna be. 

stop going by asian names if you’re nonasian and especially white.
you can reblog this but if you comment on it and you aren’t asian and you have some dumb shit to say then piss off.

a vague timeline of what it’s like to be in the voltron fandom

  • a new season is released
  • you, and everyone on your dash, stay hyped about that season for like, three weeks
  • voltron stays somewhat present, releasing a few interviews here and there. everyone lives off of these for about two more weeks
  • then, silence
  • nothing
  • voltron has seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth. you check the official social media(s) for it but see no updates. everyday you log onto tumblr hoping for something, anything, but everyone is just as hopeless as you. ten of your mutuals deactivate because they got into discourse about whether or not lance’s hair is pretty. ten of your other mutuals turn into kpop blogs and say that they’ll never post voltron ever again. there’s hardly any voltron on your dash anymore. you start to feel lost. lost, and abandoned. abandoned by voltron. now that you think of it, is voltron even real? does it exist? have you really been blogging about a real, watched-by-people show? or is it some wild fever dream gone too far? the second option is beginning to seem more and more likely with each passing day. but if voltron isn’t real, are you? is life some cruel joke, made just to fuck with you? you’re crying. you don’t know what anything means anymore. you consider deleting your blog. you’re still crying as your hand hovers over the big red “delete blog” button that will finally, finally end it all. you can’t wait to be removed from this suffering. you close your eyes (the tears keep falling) and take a breath. you almost click.
  • all of a sudden, your eyes snap open. you feel…disturbance in the air.
  • you check your dash. your one surviving voltron mutual has reblogged something from vld-news. some…new voltron content. you can’t believe it.
  • a trailer for a new season is released
  • a new season is released
  • rinse and repeat
sentence prompts
  1. “What if I say no?”
  2. “Get out.”
  3. “I dreamed of you last night.”
  4. “I don’t know if you noticed… but we’re in a party”
  5. “You can dance with me… if you want!”
  6. “DON’T LOOK!!”
  7. “I think people hug at this point.”
  8. “I’ll take you.”
  9. “Why didn’t you call me?”
  10. “Would you stop that?!”
  11. “I loved you.”
  12. “Yeah I was there.”
  13. “Don’t say that.”
  14. “I’ll take the couch.”
  15. “You lied to me.”
  16. “Maybe you didn’t love me after all.”
  17. “Take my hand.”
  18. “SO… you think I’m hot?”
  19. “What are you doing?””Hiding.”
  20. “Let’s run. Together.”
  21. “Wow! you’re good at this!”
  22. “I think we should stop seeing each other.”
  23. “You have a picture of me? On your fridge?” 
  24. “Do I know you?”
  25. “I thought we could go back to whatever the hell we were!”
  26. “Did I just say that?”
  27. “Breathe, okay? Just breathe.”
  28. “Stand behind me.”
  29. “But I don’t want to leave.”
  30. “Tell me a secret.”
  31. “DON’T PRetend with me!!”
  32. “I saw you, right there.”
  33. “I-I just wanted to say that I uh, I missed you.”
  34. “I’m not lying.”
  35. “You look… okay. I MEAN-”
  36. “I knew I’d find you here.”
  37. “You still remember?”
  38. “I guess I just wanted to know if you missed me.”
  39. “All I needed was my friend.”
  40. “I like your new place.”
  41. “You left!”
  42. “Do you know any jokes?”
  43. “Are you hungry?”
  44. “I’m not supposed to be here.”
  45. “Do I even wanna know?!”
  46. “Take me home… please?”
  47. “Hey just be cool.”
  48. “You have pretty hands.”
  49. “I’m sorry.”
  50. “Sorry I woke you up.”
  51. “It’s about to rain, get inside.”
  52. “So… friends?”
  53. “I’m his/her best friend.”
  54. “I got you, it’s okay. It’s okay.”
  55. “We can leave, you know?”
  56. “Did I interrupt something?”
  57. “I’m trying, okay?”
  58. “OH MY GOD YOUR EYES!!!”
  59. “Why didn’t you ask me instead?”
  60. “Sing to me.”
  61. “What’s my prize?”
  62. “I don’t want to see you anymore.”
  63. “You’re so cute!!!”
  64. “I was trying to protect you.”
  65. “I’ll kill you.”
  66. “And then you laughed.”
  67. “I didn’t know where to go to.”
  68. “I was having a nightmare.” 
  69. “I know this song.”
  70. “I need someone to hear me.”

Okay. So #studyblrs get real isn’t trying to offend anyone. I’ve gotten some anon messages that are really rude and I’ve just straight up deleted them.

#studyblrs get real is just that, we’re getting real. I’ve rewritten my notes to be aesthetically pleasing one time. Uno. Ein. Yeah that’s the only languages I know one in.

The studyblr aesthetic isn’t most people’s real life studies methods. It’s some people’s, and I want to congratulate those who manage to keep the aesthetic up.

But honestly, it’s not real life. Real life is being up at 2 AM, surrounded by four empty cups, Rice Krispies Treat wrappers, and a pizza box with just pizza crust in it, and grease marks on your paper. Real life is not having time to make these AMAZING and GORGEOUS notes, because you’re studying for the grade, NOT the notes.

People say you just need to “study” to be a studyblr, but why is it only the MUJIs, the Mildliners, and the Staedtlers get reblogged? Why doesn’t the pictures of sloppy, coffee stained notes get reblogged? The rain drenched crinkled notes that don’t get rewritten. The notes with more scribbles than legible writing.

Underneath is why I think that #studyblrs get real needs to become popular, and fast, which has been taken from what I said in a conversation with @universi-tea where the idea for #studyblrs get real came up.

Teens that are growing up may not know what they’re facing, because aesthetic studyblr makes it look like sunshine and lollipops.

“I’ve been through things that will commonly happen. I’ve been rejected by my dream school, and I’ve cried at 4 AM in the morning because my fourth SAT scores weren’t high enough to meet requirements after months of studying. I’ve taken AP classes. I’ve graduated.

Your high school/college/university experience may have been different, but mine was a rude awakening and I’m trying to prevent others from crashing and burning like I did. I was an all A student in high school, even with AP classes. I graduated fifth in my class with 25 credits from AP scores, in which my school only offered seven AP classes.

My first test in uni was a 38 in Business Calculus. A fucking 38 out of 100. I remember it very vividly (Thursday night, and the Blacklist was on.) It was like someone was trying play a joke on me because I had NEVER gotten that low of a test grade before. I remember looking at my scores, and the sense of dread settling into the pit of my stomach. I cried, and then called my old AP Bio teacher (idk why now that I think about it) I had a panic attack, and I was by myself (lived alone.) Those two are very dangerous. My next test score was a 51. Rinse, and repeat.

Do you know how worthless I felt? How long my mom yelled at me after I called her? How my friends reacted when they found out? I went and had a four hour conversation with the professor, who told me that this was the most common thing he saw in a class with freshmen in it. That they come thinking that they’re prepared and they are by no means prepared. I had to go to tutoring. For every single class but one. This was so fucking embarrassing. I had gone from the tutor in HS to the tutored in Uni.

My best friend went to the North Carolina School of Math and Science. Extremely prestigious, and extremely hard. “It’s like taking uni classes when you’re 16, 17, and 18, but you don’t get credit for them as college classes.” I’ve known my best friend since I was 10-ish. She’s the most level headed, and the smartest person I know. She calls me frequently, crying, because the work load. She spent a whole week with me trying to get over one failing grade.

This embarrassment, this shame and lack of self worth I experienced in uni is something I NEVER want ANYONE to experience. I’m trying to prevent these people younger than I am from feeling this way, because I had sunk into a depression because of grades. Grades that could’ve been prevented, had I known the truth.

Sure, the studyblr aesthetic may work in some people’s lives, but in college/uni, you’re being pulled in so many directions. I don’t know of a single person in any of my classes that have gorgeous notes. Hell, I don’t know anyone who can even afford to buy nice planners, or buy fresh fruit. Being “a broke college student” is entirely legit.

But all this aside, if you’ve managed to live out the studyblr aesthetic in university and keep up your grades, you better be DAMN proud of yourself. I’m not trying to make anyone mad. This is the reality most of us experience. It’s the honest truth, and I had to find out the hard way. I just don’t want anyone else to find out the hard way, either.“

 no offence but throwback to that one dipshit post that was circulating before, equating “reblog or your mom will die!” to “white people should reblog this”. like okay! we get it!! yall STUPID and think addressing your racism is the same as that shit, lmao.

like yah. the “white ppl should reblog this” captions are guilting you into reblogging it. but thats kind of the … uh POINT. bc we KNOW that otherwise you’re all gonna scroll past, and ignore the issue. BECAUSE THAT’S USUALLY WHAT THE ISSUE IS!! white people not taking us seriously, not recognising their privilege, and NOT confessing to being part of the problem: in other words, not feeling the guilt that they fucking should

because, yah! there’s a huge problem with white ppl on this site getting way too fucking comfortable in their “wokeness” that they forget they’re racist too. that YALL are privileged TOO! the way white people make “white people” jokes, not just in recognition of racism, but as a way to other themselves is ridiculous; iv’e known FAR too many white ppl, that joke in ways that clearly show that they don’t recognise themselves as the very people theyre joking about. there are white people, who talk about “White People™” as if they’re an entirely different group of People altogether - trying to other themselves from their privilege, and bshow that NO IM ONE OF THE GOOD ONES!! I DON’T SAY SLURS!!! I’M #WOKE AND I KNOW THAT THE N WORD IS BAD

when in reality they have such a shallow concept of what racism ACTUALLY is. which is what leads to this shit!!!!  so many ppl genuinely think someone needs to have said a slur, or have said something like “white people are BETTER than nonwhite people! :)” to be racist, lol, or else you’re just reaching. you’te the nasty poc, who’re just trying to stop people from having fun, or just causing drama for the sake of it - all because they themselves can’t see how x, y, and z is racist so it just ISN’T. because they keep FORGETTING that yah, more often than not, yall cant!!! youre WHITE. you have PRIVILEGE. you dont UNDERSTAND.

and so when we make our Points about things you either ignore them, and write them off as just “tumblr back at it again! what a hellsite :pensive:”  or you think that DOESNT include you, and so do you know what ppl write to point the rightful finger, and make you very aware that youre 1) part of the problem and 2) should try and take some responsibility for it:

WHITE PEOPLE REBLOG THIS.

So I’m not some one who calls himself queer but if you’re unironically calling yourself a queerphobe, assuming people who call themselves queer are cishets in disguise or have “anti queer” tags I don’t fucking trust you because it seems less about not wanting to be called a slur and more about attacking a label deemed too ~inclusive~ If you have trauma associated with the word thats perfectly valid, use a blacklist that doesn’t demonize queer people, like “q word” or something. Don’t go into queer positivity tags to “gently remind” people that it’s a slur. If someone says not to tag their post as q slur, don’t do it, just dont reblog the post if its that deep. Stop making posts after post about how you think queer is a useless label. Don’t refer to people as “kweer” as an insult. Matter of fact, don’t use queer as an insult either. Just stay out of queer spaces, it’s not that hard

And another thing

YOUR JOKES ABOUT HARMING/KILLING QUEER PEOPLE ARE NOT NOR WILL THEY EVER BE FUNNY.

What your favourite Haikyuu!! rival says about you

Ushijima Wakatoshi - You have never laughed at a single Ushijima joke that wasn’t made by one of your mutuals because you haven’t seen one that isn’t “You should have come to Shiratorizawa Farm by the way I’m an asshole and I’m going to kidnap Oikawa or something because he has enough emotions to cover my total lack thereof”. You don’t even look in your fav’s tags because it’s a hellscape. You’re mad that Karasuno won.

Tendou Satori - You had a Danganronpa phase. You had a Homestuck phase. You had a Hetalia phase. You reply to every person asking ‘what character is that?’ is Naruto. You’ve never actually referred to him as Tendou. You exclusively use Tendon, Nintendou, Tender, and so on.

Terushima Yuuji - Don’t even kid yourself. You’re here for the porn.

Iwaizumi Hajime - You’ve been kidding yourself since day one if you seriously think your though process isn’t entirely dictated by whether or not you think Iwaizumi’s biceps or thighs could crush your head faster. You’ve never even seen a ship that isn’t IwaOi. You only read the manga to say “When is Seijou coming back.” You cried when he cried. You also cried every time he came on screen. You’re mad Karasuno won.

Oikawa Tooru - This is literally half the fandom what’s even the point of trying to be funny I could put anything here and people would reblog it and say 'damn OP you called me out’. Shit, I don’t know. You wear glasses and feel validated by Oikawa in glasses being hot. You lasted about a week in the fandom before you started shipping OiIwa instead of IwaOi. You fucking suck at math.

Matsukawa Issei - You’ve had more cups of coffee than glasses of water in your entire life and every waking moment without caffeine is like one small step closer to facing God himself with a look of defiance. You can’t remember the last time you were stressed yet simultaneously you’re not actually sure what you’re stressed about. You have an eyebrow kink.

Hanamaki Takahiro - Every single item you’ve ever owned has been pastel colours. If you see something with a strawberry print you’ll buy it without any hesitation. Your tumblr theme probably has transparent pictures of Makki on it on some pink or blue background with lots of lines and circles on it. You’re also the gay cousin, but that’s a different matter entirely.

Kuroo Tetsurou - It’s been 7 minutes since you last insisted Kuroo is a nerd and not a sex god. You lovingly make fun of him. You then get mad when other people make fun of him. You use the fact you’re studying science to make 800 science jokes involving Kuroo. You’re mad Karasuno is going to win.

Kozume Kenma - You have 714 reblogs of Kenma gifsets. All of them have italicised quotes in Impact font at a 36 degree angle about how he doesn’t like people. Every single one is tagged as 'relatable’. You get angry when Kenma isn’t portrayed as an uke, or you are totally on the other side of the spectrum and get pissed off at the sheer mention of yaoi tropes. There is no inbetween.

Haiba Lev - leg

Yaku Morisuke - Chances are you have no friends who also like Yaku and you probably just roleplay a lot to fill the void of Yaku related content on tumblr. Your standards are only as high as what you would make yourself because you probably wrote at least a double digit percentage of the fandoms content.

Bokuto Koutarou - Why do you keep reblogging that one screenshot from the anime of Bokuto looking like he has an ass the size of a small european country? Stop it. No, that doesn’t mean reblog more memes about Bokuto being scrawny in the anime. Yes I know he’s a cinnamon roll. Ok, I give up. Return to your polyshipping Bokuto. At least it’s wholesome.

Akaashi Keiji - You have an aesthetic fixation on violins. You insist that Akaashi is a little shit but he’s your little shit. Everything you do is at a constant B+ level. You don’t even try and you’re a B+ player. Stop being so fucking smart Karen at least put the effort in to be an A+ student I know you’re capable of it just pick up a fucking book and GOD fulfil your potential.

Daishou Suguru - At this point you just think that generic sports anime cast members are fucking annoying or bland and repetitive and for once you’re just happy that there’s a multi faceted character with depth and reasoning behind their actions that makes sense. Too bad he’s a side character that’s basically going away forever soon so savour it while it lasts fucko you’re gonna need a new fav.

Miya Twins

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OKAY KIDS LEMME SIT YOU TF DOWN AND TELL YOU ABOUT DAMIEN FRICKIN BLOODMARCH

(SPOILERS!!!!!!!! IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED HIS ROUTE AND DON’T WANNA BE SPOILED DO NOT READ)

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL 

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DAT HAIR, DAT MAKEUP, DAT SWEET OUTFIT 

MY ACNE IS CURED, MY GRADES HAVE GONE UP, LIFE IS A DAMN DREAM AND IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF THIS GOTH PRINCE

HE’S V. PASSIONATE ABOUT EVERYTHING, LIKE ONE OF THE MOST ATTRACTIVE THINGS IN THE WORLD IS WHEN SOMEONE IS PASSIONATE ABOUT WHAT THEY LOVE AND HIS HEART IS FULL OF LOVE AND WONDER LET ME TELL YOU

This dude renovated his whole house by himself. 

HIS HOUSE IS SO BEAUTIFUL I  ACTUALLY HAD THE AUDACITY TO FEEL SLIGHTLY JEALOUS OF THIS FALLEN ANGEL

I WANTED TO STEAL HIS HOUSE FROM HIM

DID I MENTION THAT HE HAS NARUTO FANFIC IN HIS VICTORIAN LIBRARY? 

NARUTO X SASUKE SMUT NO LESS

TRULY A MAN OF TASTE

And this dude has A+++++++ parenting AND gardening skills. 

He is an expert on everything Victorian, including the language of flowers and arranging bouquets and writing beautiful letters. 

INSTEAD OF SENDING YOU A MESSAGE ON DADBOOK LIKE SOME PEASANT, HE WRITES YOU GORGEOUS HEARTFELT LETTERS IN FINE CALLIGRAPHY SEALED WITH HIS OWN SIGIL

HE OFFERS TO GIVE YOU A PERSONALIZED BOUQUET WITH YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER ON YOUR FIRST HANGOUT

GIVES YOU HIS HANDKERCHIEF LIKE SOME VAMPIRIC KNIGHT OF OLD

THIS DUDE IS EXTRA AF WITH EVERYTHING HE DOES AND I AM 10000% FOR IT, YES THAT’S SOME GOOOOOOOOOOOOD SHIT, SIGN ME UP

But he also has a sweet and joking side. Despite his Gothic persona, he is actually really scared by horror movies. He takes you out for a date in a graveyard and somehow makes it comforting, enchanting even. He’s always making jokes about things the Victorians COULD have done. 

Damien manages to handle his rebellious teen JUST FINE without making his son feel like he’s being patronized or controlled. He is diplomatic, calm, and loving. He’s a cool dad. 

AND WHEN YOU FINALLY GO ON YOUR THIRD DATE, OH YES YOU ARE IN FOR A SURPRISE. 

DAMIEN BLOODMARCH, MR. BEAUTIFUL PRINCE OF DARKNESS, IS ACTUALLY AN IT GUY WHO VOLUNTEERS AT AN ANIMAL SHELTER IN HIS OFF TIME. 

AND. HE. LOVES. DOGS. 

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BLESSED IMAGE, REBLOG FOR GOOD FORTUNE

IF YOU WEREN’T SOLD ON HIM ALREADY, OOOOOOOOOO BABY, OOOOOOOOOO YES THIS IS THE KICKER RIGHT HERE

GOD WHAT AN ADORABLE DORK

IT TURNS OUT HE WAS ACTUALLY SCARED THAT YOU WOULDN’T LIKE THE FACT THAT HE’S NOT JUST A GOTH 24/7. THAT HE’S ACTUALLY A THREE DIMENSIONAL PERSON

AND THE REASON WHY HE DOESN’T FEAR DEATH IS BECAUSE HE BELIEVES THAT IT GIVES LIFE MEANING, THAT YOU SHOULDN’T LET GRIEF CONTROL YOU FOREVER

HERE IS A WONDERFUL, GORGEOUS PARENT WITH UNIQUE INTERESTS AND HE IS JUST FULL OF SO MANY SWEET THOUGHTS AND IDEAS AAGHHGHGHGH

Damien has lost people dear to him. Yet he keeps moving. He keeps finding ways to make his life interesting and beautiful. He is good with animals and kids, everyone really (except the cashier at Hot Topic). He has not let life make him bitter. I love that about his character. I think his connection with the Player Dad is really special because people judge him so quickly and the Player Dad helps show him that he’s more than just an archetype and he can be his own person. The pressure to be only a small part of himself 100% of the time was making it hard for him to enjoy his hobbies, or to feel free. And I relate to that, I really do. We all have something people expect us to be. 

And don’t even get me started on the GRADUATION PARTY

DAMIEN’S SON THANKS YOU FOR MAKING HIS DAD HAPPY

AND DAMIEN SHOWS UP IN HIS IT GUY CLOTHES 

HE HAS FINALLY ACCEPTED HIMSELF AND GAINED CONFIDENCE AND IT FEELS AMAZING

And then there is this

image

I have nothing to say. 

I think I almost cried when i SAW THIS GIFT FROM THE GODS

MMMMMMMMMM YESSSSSSSSSS THIS IS THE PUREST CINNAMON ROLL, 70% SUGAR, 20% GOTH, 10% BAD JOKES

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN CLEANSED AFTER PLAYING HIS ROUTE 

AND THIS IS MY INADEQUATE ESTIMATION OF DAMIEN MOTHERTRUCKING BLOODMARCH, MAY HE REIGN AS THE BEAUTIFUL DORK KING OF DARKNESS FOREVER

I realized that despite always reblogging podcast content… I haven’t made an actual podcast rec list. These are most probably podcasts you’ve already heard of before, but they’re friggin good okay. Under the readmore are short summaries/reasons why you might like these particular podcasts and I’ll also tell you which ones are queer (hint: most of them).

Keep reading

Problems with the Witchblr Community

There are some serious fucking problems occurring on this website, like:

  1. Peoples’ grimoires are way too artistic. Like seriously you all need to tag that shit like “hey this may trigger you because this Van Gogh beautifully-crafted art style might blind you and gush your morality with its beauty and cause your perspective of your own grimoire/BOS to wilt like a flower on fire”. I don’t take the time to even update my BOS, never mind decorate it with these gorgeous illustrations.
  2. The quality of pictures are way too high. I don’t know where people are getting all these professional cameras. Like I take pictures with my phone or shitty Samsung and post them, and I know I wouldn’t even reblog that shit, the quality is way too low. This results in a standard of high quality Instagram-worthy pictures that is too high for me to keep up with, y’all need to lower your photography skills.
  3. Peoples’ altars are too perfectly positioned in the sunlight, like bathing in the holiness of the sun or moon and washing any of vestige of mortality away from that spot. This kinda weaves into the photography complaint but basically, y’all stop being so artsy.
  4. Digital sigils are too easily and perfectly displayed. I don’t know how people make those sigils, it’s like an elusive angelic society that just sprinkles down talent and useful spells like falling stars. Seriously y’all need to post a how-to on that shit because I don’t have a tablet and just take pictures of hand-drawn sigils, but even those who post their hand-drawn sigils draw them incredibly better than I draw my sigils. 
  5. The witches on this site are way too creative. They’re all thinking of tips and techniques I never thought of before, and it makes everyone else feel dumb because they didn’t think of them first.
  6. Pretty much every witch on this site seems to have a green thumb. They say taking care of plants doesn’t require a green thumb, but I beg to differ because pretty much every plant I own dies. Like I don’t know if it’s because I’m a death witch and am literally radiating death energy, but I can’t keep plants alive for my own life. Green witches gotta share their real secrets, HOW are you keeping your plants alive.
  7. Then there are some problems like elitism, transphobia, homophobia, racism, nazism, blatant disrespect for peoples’ religions and cultures, the hatred with which we argue, and the fear that I’m always being scrutinized and that no matter what I say extreme SJWs will cherry-pick the things I say and misconstrue my argument into something i never said in the first place so i might as well just not even say my opinion on anything which i’m doing right now so i’ll just shut up and continue the joke
  8. The spooky and ethereal Witch Aesthetic™ is too on point. All the hanging herbs and lit candles and smoke from incense are too entrancing and immediately calm my mood and cause me to daydream about the eloquence of the witchy aesthetic. It’s too romanticized. It causes me to enjoy my own craft too much, and I reblog too many of them. We need to cut those down by a bunch.

Just had to get that off my chest.

APPREACIATION FOR ALL THOSE CONTENT MAKERS IN OUR STRAY KIDS FANDOM!!!

to people who draw/paint/sketch: wow i admire you all, it takes more than an hour (for most people) or more to finish one single drawing. I’m sure sometimes you don’t get as many notes as you hoped or deserved. But your talent always makes me speechless and all the fan art in our fandom looks so beautiful all thanks to you guys!

to editors: the amount of creativity and just plain beauty and aesthetic that nearly every single edit has in this fandom is literally mind blowing. idk anything about editing so when i see those things I’m like wow WHAT TALENT. it doesn’t matter whether your edits is just a few cute squiggles or added a few emojis. or like a full blown high quality masterpiece which literally looks like it can be in a magazine. all of them are appreciated sooo much by this fandom and it provides us with added beauty on top of the beauty of the boys. you and your edits are just simply beautiful.

to gif makers: BLESSINGS FROM THE HEAVENS!!! so the people who use photoshop and do gifs properly or just do them on a website. literally i appreciate you all because the gifs capture such amazing and precious moments which is just on loop. when people add different colours or the gif becomes even more clearer and better quality then the actual video it just makes me think that we’re so lucky to have so many talented gif makers in our fandom. like I’m one of the v shitty ones so when i see like a good gif I’m like WOAH.

to shit posters: well lmao most of our fandom is just SHIT POSTS AND ITS AMAZING. it is the stray kids culture. but like seriously our boys are such memes and i love it so much. but seriously nearly all the shit posts make me either smile and laugh. like idc whether you spent 2 minutes on just screenshotting a photo and adding a stupid ass joke or just putting a relatable ass thought out there I APPRECIATE IT!!! AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!! YOU SHIT POSTERS BRING SMILES AND LAUGHTER TO EVERYONE!!

to moodboard makers: OKAY SO IT TAKES ME SOOO LONG TO DO A MOODBOARD because im super picky about the colours and spacing. but some people do it sooooo well and it like instantly makes me imagine things and makes the boys even more realistic. like a coffee shop moodboard with woojin will just make me instantly think of it. it’s also just really pretty and very aesthetic and just thank you for spending you time making them.

to writers: MY FAMILY!! like people it can take me up to 4-6 HOURS sometimes writing a scenario just because of the sheer amount of planning, procrastination, writers bloc, the actual writing, moodboard, introduction, editing, adding to moodboard and etc etc. LIKE THANK YOU FOR MAKING EVERYONE FEEL SO MANY THINGS whether y'all do fluff or angst. and also helping fans really live their fantasies but make the boys more real! WE APPRECIATE YOUR HARD WORK AND DEDICATION!!!

to network admins: so im in a network AND I LOVE IT straykidznet (follow and/or join!!!) I got to meet so many people especially so many of my senpais and i kinda died. even tho I’m not active at all on the gc recently because of school, i genuinely love our network so much. BUT LIKE KRIS, TY, J ARE SUCH AMAZING ADMINS!!! like they always reblog our content regularly, make sure the network looks amazing, making cute edits for us on like valentines day. AND JUST BEING AMAZING HUMAN BEINGS. on top of running their own blogs!! so shoutout to all those network admins out there!!!

to people who post updates: we all follow one or two update blogs who just CONSISTENTLY UPDATE and superrrr fast too. LIKE THANK YOU for posting pictures of the boys, telling us whats happening with their schedules and just updating us about the fandom. like fandoms would be lost without update blogs.

to people who make incorrect quotes: THESE ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH. they’re sooooo funny and so like realistic but unrealistic. like some people might post this as a second thought but they genuinely make so many people smile and happy. including me sooo please continue!!!

to people who post clips: it’s just reliving the best moments of videos and really cute ones. or like videos on loops. or a series of videos all connected. either way they’re amazing and they just capture great moments like gifs do. like a lot of people who post clips don’t even watch the whole thing first, they stop rewind and record the bit they thought was cute and post it instantly so people realise either the video is up or enjoy a few small seconds of heaven. SO WHILE OTHER PEOPLE MAKE THINK IT’S EASY OR UNNECESSARY I DONT AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JUST EVEN EDITING THE VIDEO!!!

to translators: sooo many people in our fandom are always desperate for eng subs while i do small no less than a 30 second video translations. i have huge appreciation and respect for those who spent hours and hours translating like the tv episodes, the 30 minute v lives. but like even those who just translate a quote or a sentence STILL THANK YOU!!!! JUST THANK YOU FOR SPENDING YOU TIME LETTING US ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT OUR BOYS ARE SAYING!!

to everyone who likes or reblogs content: thank you for appreciating our amazing content makers in the fandom. and enjoying and spreading the love for the content they make and appreciating the work and effort they put in. without you guys many blogs wouldn’t be running so please share and spread the love and keep on liking, comment and reblogging!!!

i think that’s it but if i forgot any please add more!!! because our fandom is all about being soft and sharing all our love!!

THANK YOU TO ALL CONTENT MAKERS IN THE FANDOM WE APPRECIATE YOU SO SO MUCH AND WE LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!

Hey I really do my best to not address the weird things people say about/send to me, but even when anon is off it is a problem. You guys literally have to stop commenting on my posts calling me a “top” or a “bottom,” making comments about the length of my fingernails as a sexual innuendo, sending my mutuals asks and leaving comments suggesting they have some sort of sexual desire for me or that we are involved sexually, speculating about my alleged “kinks” even in a joking way, etc.

I know in the past when I was a smaller blog, I’ve reblogged ask memes with similar topics, but in that case there was an invitation to discussion.

And I know it’s impossible for some of you to see a hashtag popular blogger as a human being, but I really need you to understand how deeply uncomfortable and disgusting it is for me to once again see some innocuous post I’ve made turned into a comment about whatever you think my sex life is like.

The reason I’m even making this post is that randos in the comments on my popular posts aren’t even the issue. I can’t control the internet. People will always say weird stuff, and I’m at peace with that.

The people most often making these comments are clearly followers who have read and enjoyed my blog for a very long time, and they make these comments with an air of familiarity, as if they feel justified and correct in assuming they know things about my sexuality.

What makes it worse is that you create this idea of me as some sort of fictional character, of the property of you and my other readers, and people get desensitized to what they’re saying. There are young teenagers reblogging my posts making sexually presumptuous comments about me.

There is no way for me to confront them or any of you adults for that matter in a way that would be both appropriate and out of the spotlight (because my desire is simply for you to stop, not for you to get hounded by my other readers).

So here is a general plea: I am b e g g i n g you to understand why this is uncomfortable for me and for my friends you involve and to stop!

tags/trigger warnings update :)

reminder that as this blog’s audience grows, i’m becoming more conscientious about tags & trigger warnings. here’s a partial list of ones I use, mostly by request.

(these apply to <10% of what i actually post, but are there if you need them)

  • gaudy fanart, fanart prompt, art prompt, gaudy fanfic
  • actuallyautistic
  • serious post, social issues, mental health
  • body horror tw, gore tw, teeth tw, teeth horror tw
  • alcohol tw, food mention
  • knife tw, needle tw, blood tw
  • spider tw, insect tw, trypophobia tw
  • clown tw, furby tw, teletubby tw (don’t ask)
  • self harm tw, suicide tw, trauma tw, family dysfunction
  • nsfw, sexual imagery. again, not used often but better safe than sorry. these are for joke posts w/ risque humor, some of the dumbass ‘sexy’ fanart, and (rarely) humorous nsfw fanfic, like the ‘tuba player x tuba’ fic i’m still afraid to reblog.

shout out to people who reblog my posts w/ the original tws. feel free to submit requests/suggestions! if you think some of these could be replaced by more universal tags, let me know :)

shout out also to people who remind me when i forget to tag! this blog has grown rapidly and i’m still trying to figure out the different needs of all you new gremlins. please don’t be afraid to ask or to share your thoughts! 

i didn’t expect this blog to be so popular among younger people, but since it has, i find myself with the sudden priority of making this space safe and hopefully a positive influence for people of all age groups. (makes sense in hindsight, no matter the place or time it is simply a fact of life that teenagers will always have superior tastes in absurdism.)  

i’m also writing up new guidelines for fan art/fic. nothing major, since by and large you gremlins have been impressively responsible, i appreciate that. E.g. the fanfic i’ve seen on a03 has been for General Audiences and honestly i’ve almost cried over how sappy and inspiring you strange little goblins can be. I strived for ominously cryptic & vaguely threatening with rare dashes of wholesomeness, and somehow you’ve adopted me as a pink icon of menacing positivity. 

I am so looking forward to watching the world you guys will build as you get older. You keep giving me reason after reason to believe we’re in good hands.

we now resume our regularly scheduled chaotic shitposting  cl

im sick of people being so ignorant abt asian people and asia in general. we are not!!! all!!! the !!! same !!!!! some kid today claimed that the japanese and chinese languages “are basically the same” right in my face !!!!! why do ppl think racism against asian people doesnt exist!!! why is everyone so ignorant??? why are we never discussed in the media?? why r racist jokes against us a casual funny thing?? why r we basically lumped in w white ppl.. FUCK your model minority idea!!! fuck the idea that only east asia exists and there is only ONE ASIAN CULTURE. just one?? do ppl not understand that asia is fucking huge. there r so many cultures and languages and ppl and yet we r all lumped into one and our women r treated like were all fair skinned small eyed black haired delicate girls and we r fetishized and sexualized so much. treated like were exotic creatures, objects for white men. r representation in the media is shit and r problems r never discussed and im just. sick of it

“aphobe” doesnt specifically mean “person who thinks aces & aros don’t belong in the community”, though that does fall under the banner. an aphobe is anyone who behaves in a bigoted manner towards ace or aro people in reaction to their being aro/ace.

anyone, lgbtq or straight, who dismisses asexuality/aromanticism; anyone who has hurt or insulted or assaulted or abused an aro or ace person because of them being aro/ace; anyone who’s referred to an aro person as emotionless or heartless or incomplete or a robot because of their aromanticism; anyone who’s told an ace person they’re frigid or broken or childish or missing something because they’re ace; anyone who’s told an aro or ace person that any relationship they have will result in their innately abusing their partner purely because of their orientation; anyone anyone who tells an aro or ace person that they’re just going through a phase/they’ll grow out of it/they’ll realise that they’re wrong eventually; everyone who thinks that being aro or ace is something to be repaired, to be fixed, to be treated like a disease or disorder; anyone who mocks or belittles or attacks someone for being aro or ace - everyone who does any of these things is aphobic.

while this covers pretty much every “proud aphobe” on this site, it also extends to a great deal of society - as well as violent groups like terfs, truscum, nazis, biphobes, conservatives, and evangelical religious people.

it’s not just your cute/mocking joke to poke fun at oversensitive people on tumblr; it’s a word used to group together a collection of people that includes violent/extreme bigots. aphobes aren’t “mostly lgbt kids on tumblr”; the term exists to describe and label the behaviour of a group of disgusting people who (even if you don’t care about aces or aros) more often than not target other vulnerable groups and minorities.

that’s the sort of people you proudly proclaim to ally yourself with when you claim the term for yourself. don’t get on your high fucking horse and scream persecution if people assume you’re just as disgusting as the rest of them, because what you’re saying is “i’m a proud member of this group of bigots, but i’m not like those other bigots! how dare you!”

“aphobia” isn’t some kind of radical lgbt rallying cry; it’s a signpost saying that you’re exactly as progressive as any straight homophobe/transphobe/biphobe out there that you claim to hate - just towards a different group that’s somehow popular to bully right now.

important: don’t reblog this if you’re going to mock or attack it, please. a bunch of the stuff i’ve mentioned has happened to me and/or people i care about, so this is kind of a personal post.

fic i wanna write: fandom au ft. the sides/a social media fic. probably centering around a Cheap Ripoff of sanders sides. logan’s the one with the long meta posts at three am. patton is fandom dad. virgil is a fic writer and shitpost maker. roman is a fanartist/photoshop person. idk if i’ll actually write it tho it might enter the Void of unwritten ideas, but also i’m gonna make a bullet list so, like, ficlet? 

ideas for this au:

  • virgil calls princey sir sing a lot and roman changes his url for a solid week
  • someone once jokingly asked logan to write meta about a particular tie pin or watch or tiny prop with no relevance other than repeated appearances and he did it in absolute seriousness and now people spam him with “please analyze the notepad they used” “what aboUT THE LONE SHOE???”
  • virgil and princey become “friends” bc they get assigned to work together for some kind of collaboration week or big bang or something. 
  • they really mostly make joking callout posts like “callout for @princero: does not know the difference between the words sand, salad, and sad” “@anxv THAT WAS ONE TIME”
  • logan is so Tired of the Discourse™
  • patton will reblog logan’s post ft. dumb comments that get way more popular than the meta and it only infuriates logan some of the time
  • in reverse, logan will invest Deep Meaning into patton’s post about, like, clouds having feelings or whatever, and it becomes the new fanon
  • virgil can, will, has before, will do again, blocked roman for some really tiny opinion that irritated him. like roman once drew a character with blue detailing instead of purple or roman was like “your favorite fruit is trash”
    • it will take patton relaying their banter back and forth for like three days for virgil to unblock
    • only for roman to immediately block him as payback
  • their followers aren’t entirely sure if they like secretly hate each other or
  • one of them will vague about the other when they think they’re asleep and it’s immediately reblogged with a comeback and then “WTF IT’S LIKE 4 AM WHERE U R GO TO SLEEP SO I CAN ROAST YOU IN PEACE”
  • “@staff delete this blog”
  • patton has sent them snapchats of him trying to buy plane/and or bus tickets with the caption “me on my way to get you to GO TO BED”
  • roman will make art based off of logan’s serious posts™ and it’s gorgeous and everyone cries
  • virgil will write crack fics based off patton’s shitposts and everyone cries, but for different reasons
  • patton has cute tags for all their interactions. like virgil’s tag is “my dark strange son” and roman’s is “the bravest prince” and logan’s is like “smort boi” and patton will comb back through their tags on his blog when he is sad so he can see all their interactions and dumb jokes
  • their group chat is named, like, “the Illuminaughty™” or something equally dorky
    • it changes on like a thirty minute basis
    • lots of puns. it’s mostly patton changing the names based on whatever funny thing’s been most recently said
    • someone once managed to hack logan’s phone to the point of like, sending the dumbest monologue of the show and/or the shrek script and logan left the chat in his fury only for patton to immediately add him back in
  • patton is like 50 days behind all memes but he loves them anyways and any interpretation he posts will be lovingly reblogged by all of them
  • logan, in reverse, pretends to not Get memes and it’s explained to him a million times and then one day he drops a meme he shittily photoshopped and everyone loses their shit but he never speaks about it again
  • the way virgil and patton became friends is bc virgil was a Shy anon back in his first days in fandom who sent him daily asks about his day and signed it off with the purple demon emoji and patton was so happy to hear about him and one day virgil finally revealed himself and patton Adopted Him Immediately
  • just. Nerds. you feel
types of tumblr taggers

the silent one: literally vacant, you wonder if they’re real and have a soul

the berserker: you can’t tell if they’re the destroyed ones or the keyboard
#KSJDKFHGFAL, #ALYAJ, #WHOW, #SOOA, #GOJOD!!, #LKEI!!, #WWO!!, #YAHAH FHITHS NYOA SDOGOSA

the complimenter: compliment anything, especially the friends
#so beautiful!, #I love you, #<3<3<3 wowowow!!!

the over-organized one: tag every detail, super organized
#gif, #fan art, #art by op, #not my gif, #edit, #edit by op, #picture, #face, #door

the hater: reblog something to spread the rage in the tags
#so ugly, #I hate this ship, #ugly edit, #I hate you all, #you all need jesus

the blogger who’s constantly queueing posts: seriously, where are they
#queue, #q: not here, #queueue, #q

the jerk: add jokes, mainly about themselves
#this monkey looks like me, #hahah me, #I’m the garbage can

the lost one: add tags which have nothing to do with the post
#oh man I gotta study what am I doing here, #gotta do the dishes, #mom’s angry

the criticiser: silently add some recommendations
#this is good but I don’t get this one bc .., #pls change this into …

the squad member: tag all friends, confusing everyone but the squad
#fred, #harry, #janice, #squad look at this

the ruler of punctuation: add nothing but punctuation characters no one but themselves can decipher
#!!!!!!!, #?!!!?!?!?!, #…:::, #!.!:.!:

the thirsty ones: mainly over people or characters they cannot reach in real life
#I love him, #he’s mine, #my husband, #my waifu, #AAAHHH he’s so hot

the mad one or that’s what you think: #ok #good

the one consistently using secret tags for anything: #my husband, #my son, #smirko

the constant screamer: #WOOOOOOOOAHHHHH!!!!!!, #AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, #CRYING!!!, #OMG, #NHHGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, #WHAT IS THIS I CAN’T TELL, #MAN THIS SHIT’S SO REAL

the constant laugher: #AHAHAHAHHA, #AHUHGAHGAHGHYA, #JAJAQJJAJJAJ, #XAXHAXHAXA, #SDKASJDKAYAYAJHAHA, #HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

the one on the verge of death: #I canyat bretahe, #hkeop, #helpppppp, #aahhhhhhhh, #hjsdfhakrefregreg

the priest: add wise and (long) quotes
#why are you people like that? everytime I see this I ………, #this life is awful and so are you people, #make a change and start with yourself

the forgetful: tag everything in a mass because they can’t remember the tags
#sherlock holmes, #holmes sherlock, #sherry, #sh, #hs, #sher, #lock, #shrlck

the one who always gets reminded of something sad: #I miss you #this cat reminds me of jess, #come back, #jack come back, #I hate my job

Scene: An anti-sjw takes the stage to do some stand-up
image

“Hey guys, my name is Ben, and I’m an attack helicopter.”

The crowd is silent, watching him with a mix of caution and sympathy. A few people cover their eyes to avoid the trainwreck that they can already see unfolding in front of them. Ben’s hands start to sweat. B-but badsjw reblogged my post! They tagged it as ‘lmao’! How can these guys not find it funny? he thought to himself.

Then, he improvised; Going off script, he started setting the scene.

“I mean like, tumblr, yeah? They got kids on there who… they’re kids and they’re like, ykno, angels. I mean, they think they’re angels”.

A woman in the front is texting her friend to come pick her up as soon as possible.

“They’re all ‘oh I’m an angel! My pronouns are angel / angels / angelself”

There’s a visible recoil in some of the audience members when they hear him say backslash out loud. The woman has silently crept out of her seat and is making her way towards the side entrance. She ducks so as to not block the view of the people sitting beside her, though they would have rather avoided seeing what was transpiring on stage.

Ben sees an opportunity. If there’s one thing he’d come prepared for, it was hecklers. While everyone else had stayed quiet for some reason, unexpected for a university campus, this woman was trying to slink away. He would not let some FEMALE escape his grip.

“Are you triggered? You, in the side.. are you triggered? Did I trigger you?”

The woman stops in her tracks and throws a glance back. He’s pointing. Nobody’s staring at her, they’re all sitting in stunned silence. At least it was free entry she murmured to herself as she pulled the handle on the door and dashed out.

“Trigglypuffs, am I right? SJWs can’t take logic.” Ben quips before he starts throwing his hands around, shouting something indistinct to the audience because the microphone was away from his face. The audience enjoyed the silence.

With the audience still silent, Ben had to pull out the big guns.

“So, I saw someone drop this kitkat on the ground, on the… in central park the other day. I picked it up and ate it because, hey, hashtag candy lives matter”

An audible gag was heard from the back of the room, though the rest of the crowd wasnt sure if it was because of the thought of this trembling puddle of sweat eating a kitkat off the floor or from them physically saying ‘hashtag’ like they were a 40 year old newsreader. This is it Ben thought. I’ve cracked the perfect joke. It’s topical! This will go viral and steven-universe-official and plebcomics will finally follow me back! I can see the copypasta now.

“You fucking suck dude.”

Ben’s daydream about KotakuInAction rallying behind him is dashed as he hears the cry from the left aisle. It was then that he realised he’d been daydreaming for 5 minutes, most everyone had left, and he’d pissed his pants.

As the warmth fell down his leg, all he could see in his mind was the angry post he was going to write up on his own tumblr tonight, about how university campuses are simply hug boxes, not accepting of REAL humour anymore.