and i should start on my portfolio now

  • brain: hey, hey friend, it looks like youve started to commit to some long-term goals
  • me: yes i am working towards a happy future
  • brain: feels bad, doesnt it
  • me:
  • brain: feels like responsibility
  • me: please-
  • brain: feels like we should destroy all our progress and run away to a new life in the woods
  • me: (softly) please
  • brain: *already burning bridges* cant hear you mate

anonymous asked:

Do you know any five where Lance is in a car crash?

uhHH THERE’S… ACCIDENTAL LOVE,? I mean Lance gets hit by a motorcycle (Keith’s), but it-it kinda works and I meAn there’s plenty of unrelated langst later too so //nervous finger guns

(if you’re ok with shaladin, thihv has a tiny snippet of an almost car crash in there too, but :,3c aaaa that’s all I’ve got,, sorry)

hi I haven’t done anything productive since Friday

  • Catering Director: Here, this is for you. Another glowing testimonial that mentions you by name. And here [she hands me a manila folder]. I'll get you something better later on, like an actual fuckin' book, but for now, you should start saving your thank-you notes and testimonials and all-a that in there. You can keep it in my desk, if you want. You wanna build up a portfolio so when you go on interviews, you can hand them that along with your résumé. I got a lotta my jobs because of the good shit people wrote about me that I kept.
  • Me: Thanks. I'll make copies of the letters hanging up in the back, too. You've mentioned making a portfolio to me before. You said it'll be good to have when I "finally climb outta this shithole." Except by the time that day comes, this place won't be a shithole anymore and I'll hate to leave.
  • Catering Director: Well you better not fuckin' leave me anytime soon. But who knows? [The owner]'s building, like, fuckin' five more hotels, and he's gonna need people in there running them. So if you get too many of these rave reviews, you may be asked to move on sooner rather than later.
  • ------
  • Jason: ERIN.
  • Me: What?! What's wrong?
  • Jason: How come we're not Facebook friends?
  • Me: Jesus Christ, are you SERIOUS? I thought something was really wrong. I dunno, it just never crossed my mind to bother adding you. Plus, you're technically my boss and that's kind of w-
  • Jason: I just added you. Hurry up and add me back.
  • Me: Uuuuugh. Well at least now I can just tag you in shit instead of texting it to you. That's a plus.
  • ------
  • Ashley: Is there an event going on tonight?
  • Me: No.
  • Ashley: So what the fuck are you doing here?
  • Me: You really have a way with words, Ashley, have I ever told you that? Anyway, I'm about to go home, so.
  • Ashley: Oh, lucky you.
  • Me: I know. Hashtag blessed. Have a good night.
  • Ashley: I won't. I never do.
  • Me: I missed your optimism these last couple months.
  • ------
  • [Jason comes in from smoking]
  • Me: Yikes. You look really pale. Are you feeling sick again?
  • Jason: I feel just dandy. As good as can be. [He literally falls into his chair] I wish I were dead.
  • Me: If it's any consolation, you look like you're about halfway there.

Announcements of neato stuff in the works!  

1) My website got hacked by some lamo-face.  And they decided to just delete everything and replace it with their declaration of being a l33t haxx0r.  Sir or madam hacker - the 90’s would like their leetspeak back.

2) This means I’ll be dumping more time into the under-construction website.  Should be better than the old one, and I’ll have a lot more control, but it’ll take some time.  The good news is that because I’ll be able to update and edit much easier - I’ll actually do that.

3) Minion ID cards!  I’m past the halfway mark!  Even though most of you have not seen your cards yet, I’ve got them finished for everyone who’s made a request, and inertia is now pulling me into “claimable” cards.  Ultimately my goal is for every single Beloved Minion to have their own, unique avatar.

4) On that note, I’ve chatted with one of the greatest humans on this wet space-ball, Drew Baker, who’s printed the playmats that many of you have commented on the superior quality of.  We will soon have an option for anyone sufficiently enamored with their Minion avatar to purchase a one-and-only t-shirt with their avatar, number, and optionally name on it.  They should be relatively inexpensive.  They’re a Minion reward, and so I’m not tacking on any profit, you’ll get them at cost.  Hugs while wearing your shirt will be free.

5) More Minion rewards!  I’m going to start live whatever-they-call-it-now-ing.  Minion video chat.  Open to all.  Via Google hangouts or something.  Whatever interactive video streaming seems to be the most accessable.  The idea thus far is to do an hour a week, and the topic will be whatever folks want to chat about.  I can stream my screen and we can do art lessons, I could do portfolio reviews, or paintover critiques, or we can just gab and play Hearthstone.  Whatever folks feel like doing.  Anyone who wants to voice their preference for streaming service and schedule - now’s a good time.

6) I’m excited about MtG Conspiracy.  I don’t know if I’ve got anything in the set, but I’m excited to play.  Okay, I guess that’s not really an announcement.

That is all for now, my Beloved Minions.  Be excellent to each other and party on.