and i shall make many drunks

Whose Line Is It Anyway sentence starters
  • You are dead to me, nothing but scum. When I look in your eyes I get inflammation of the bum. 
  • To quote Rodgers and Hammerstein, “The hills are alive with the sounds of crap.”
  • Teach me how to sing like you!
  • You see this badge? That means I’m the sheriff.
  • Excuse me, I’m tapped into your cable. Would you mind changing it to channel 8?
  • I feel like I’m the king of the general area!
  • Watch out for those tempo changes, man, ‘cause when we go into the second bridge, this shit takes off.
  • What color’s your poo first thing in the morning?
  • I think a lot of people would stop drinking if they knew what they looked like when they were drunk.
  • I’m a mime!
  • All right men, we’re going into battle tomorrow! Before we do, I think we shall all take a shower! 
  • Don’t worry, I’m a doctor.
  • I thought we were out of the spy business.
  • How would you like to make money in real estate?
  • You know, for as long as I can remember, I’ve had memories.
  • I love you, but I’ve had too many meatballs.
  • I seem to have lost my battery pack somewhere in the area of my buttocks.
  • A featherduster made by a Norwegian. It’s all starting to make sense.
  • You guys wanna fight?
  • If I was a turkey, what would you stuff me with?
  • It’s okay, I have an extra burnoose!
  • I can’t sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I’m shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.
  • I’ll distract them by making a noise like a duck!
  • If Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?
  • That’s what you get for river dancing in a thong.
  • Sorry I’m late. I let the kids out for recess, if you know what I mean.  
  • We better climb up through that window up there that seems impossibly high.
  • It’s time for something other than an egg to get laid around here.
  • They found water on Mars, isn’t that cool? You know what that means? Just another bottle of four dollar imported water.
  • I never realized what a delicious creamy center I have.
  • Look, I know this is our first date, but… I love you! Be with me!
  • You’re one Tae Bo class away from an ass kicking!
  • Turn your frown upside down. And while you’re at it, flip your buttcrack sideways.
  • Kiss me, big boy, like there’s no tomorrow.
  • Out of great boredom comes great songs.
  • Have you ever been in a hotel that was this wet and hot all at the same time?
  • Lets get naked and wrestle.
  • In ten minutes, we bring out the liquor!
  • When I give the signal we’re going to yell out the worst-sounding battle cry ever. Ready?
  • It’s time for my John Wayne impression.
  • Y'know, teachers are the most misunderstood of all mammals.
  • If I were a drink I believe I would be a margarita because I am tall… and… salty… and I… always have Tequila in me.
  • My turn ons are humanity, integrity, and TV.
  • I just wanna chill, and y'know, sometimes I just wish I was a goat, y'know? How easy would life be then, y'know, you wouldn’t even have to read things or understand things. 
  • Look at the beauty of what’s going on here! The sheer beauty!
  • Hey, doesn’t that cloud look like a ducky?
  • Nice pants.

actualcarlbarat  asked:

crash course on arctic monkeys? pls

The Band

Alex Turner

  • singer, songwriter, guitarist
  • deceptively tiny - a beAN in fact
  • many different hair eras - pick your favourite and defend it with your life
  • a lyrical genius but unable to string a normal sentence together in everyday conversation (that rock ‘n’ roll, eh?)
  • used to go out with Alexa Chung, they were beautiful and looked like a renaissance painting when they kissed and everyone cried when they broke up
  • dances like a drunk uncle at a family barbeque but no one will stop him? someone please save him from his own hubris

Matt Helders

  • drummer, aka the agile beast, aka matthew j helders iii
  • strong and friendly
  • FALSETTO
  • a beautiful and funny man
  • is engaged to the girl (Breana) in the suck it and see video, a fact thay makes me die of of laughter everytime i think about it. recently announced that soon they shall be parents
  • Kayne once said he was almost as good as Phil Collins, Matt probably cried when he heard

Jamie Cook

  • guitarist
  • he has the strongest accent of them all it’s glorious
  • “”jameh””
  • hates twinnings tea
  • married to the wonderful katie, also soon to be a father
  • the babies first word will probably be “eh”

Nick O’ Malley

  • bassist
  • an unproblematic cinnamon roll?
  • Yellamo Salohcin
  • Has a beautiful baby boy named Hearst, the first tru Dad of the band
  • only joined after the first album was out for four months, replacing andy nicholson, learned the entire repetoire in two days

they’ve all been friends since they were tiny so there’s never any drama or fights or anything, it’s all good vibes and happy times? a good bunch of people


The Albums

Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not

  • sort of a concept album except not really, deals with themes of growing up and going out in the north of england
  • “oh well they might wear classic reeboks/or knackered converse/or tracky bottoms tucked in socks”
  • a massive massive success, fastest selling album in british chart history etc etc
  • makes u all nostalgic for the good times u never experienced u kno

Favourite Worst Nightmare

  • sounds harder and louder sort of
  • a lot of ppls fave album? i can see why its very very good
  • went straight to mumber 1, won awards etc etc
  • srsly its so good
  • LETS’AVEAGAMEONTHETEDDYPICKERNOTQUICKENOUGHCANI’AVEITQUICKERALREADYTHICKANDYERGETTIN’THICKER

Humbug

  • my favourite album
  • some o’ that ‘umbug music, that full moon music eh?
  • lyrically out of this world, above and beyond anything else ive ever heard
  • produced by josh homme, divided fans over their new sound
  • dance little liar?? secret door?? pretty visitors?? crying lightning?? what a good glorious album??
  • the best hair era imho
  • atmospheric and dreamy like alexs voice is so? but still really exciting, lots of good sing-along songs too. but dark and broody u kno

Suck It And See

AM

  • the album that got me into the arctic monkeys
  • made them the global sucess they are today, but also like. divided fans once more bc suddenly am were popular and that always shakes things up
  • [[quiff and leather intensifies]]
  • i still unironically love it i listen to it like once a week
  • the last song is actually a john cooper clarke poem al reworked
  • alas al has now lost the quiff and is now growing some sort of gel monstrosity on his scalp, also he refuses to shave, maybe his new girlfriend taylor can help

Other Projects

Miles Kane + The Last Shadow Puppets

  • on the FWN tour the monkeys were supported by a band called The Rascals, fronted by one Mr. Miles Kane, a beautiful and talented turtle from liverpool
  • Miles and Alex immediatley fell in love became best friends and started writing songs together
  • in 2008, in between FWN and Humbug, they released an album called The Age Of The Understatement under the name of The Last Shadow Puppets
  • wikipedia describes it as ‘baroque’ and i really cant fault that
  • its big and loud and glourious and beautiful and it sounds like a western or a thriller or some other massive vista spanning soundtrack
  • its honestly the best thing either of them have ever done
  • Al and Mi keep doing things that make us think there’ll be another one, in the last few weeks the rumour mill has been especially busy
  • Also you should definitley listen to Miles’ own albums, Colour of the Trap and Don’t Forget Who You Are, as Miles is beautiful and stylish and one of my favourite people and an astoundingly talented musician and both Noel and Paul Weller guest star on his albums
  • oh yeah and alex bought him and miles matching turtlenecks for christmas
  • a handy and useful masterpost of Alex and Miles interactions
  • Alex and Miles are also. Uh. Look one time NME gave them the “Pete‘n’Carl” award.
  • i mean look at this

Originally posted by betheastralplane

Submarine Soundtrack

  • Richard Ayoade is an old friend of the band and asked Al to do the soundtrack to his film, Submarine, so Alex did and its beautiful
  • it sounds like stars and dreams and midnight and fireworks
  • i cry almost every single time i listen to it

More Fun Arctic Monkeys Facts

  • the NME is obsessed with them they had an entire issue dedicated to AM when it came out
  • oh yeah the band also has like a secret “”alter ego”” called The Death Ramps which is like? a fake biker gang that alex made up so they could release stuff pseudonymously. also miles kane is a member and alex made them all matching death ramps rings and he and miles never take theirs off
  • this is a very useful masterpost and has more accurate info
  • and this cover compilation is also very nice indeed
  • jamie cook used to work as a tiler even when he was still in the band
  • matt is also a dj he’s very very cool like that
  • matt’s tour diaries are essential viewing
  • oh yeah and alex’s short story A Choice of Three which is really good
  • al contibuted to the Mini Mansions song Vertigo and it’s awful but his verse is weirdly mesmerising. but the rest of it is really bad, als part is from 1:29 to 2:15 so u can ignore the rest
  • honestly one of the coolest and my most favourite bands please enjoy your journey

buttones  asked:

Once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool~) SMOOCH😘

Heheheh! 😜😜 Thanks, beeb!

Five MORE things:

  1. The fact that I’m a lightweight. (Cheap drunk ftw!)
  2. That I make people feel comfortable enough to talk about ALL the naughty things 😏😏
  3. My kissin’ ability. I’m a good ‘un.
  4. My *ahem* imagination ;)
  5. The fact that I’ve made SO MANY BEAUTIFUL TUMBLR FRIENDS!

*heart eyes for daysss!*

OQ Smut Week, First Curse Sex

A day late and more than a few dollars short.

Thanks so much to Allison ( @somewhereapart ), Brooke ( @brookeap3 ), Hollie, ( @outlawqueenbey ) ,  Hannah ( @the-alpha-incipiens ) and now bea ( @repellomuggletum15  )I would be nothing without you guys. <3



She’s five years older today.

She’s five years older today, yet her body has not aged. The people around her have not changed.  Seasons change, the budget meetings vary from day to day, but everything’s all the same.  People let her win every argument.  She always wins.  

She’s lonely.  

She has Graham, but he doesn’t notice that time passes.  He doesn’t remember the secrets she tells him, and in some ways that’s comforting.  She can open up to him and cry, cry about her vindictive mother, her cowardly, stupid, loving, too-trusting father.  She can avoid the details that are damning and just open her soul up to him, and he’ll hold her and cradle her head and tell her that she’s not alone, that he’s with her.

And she can sometimes believe it, but within days the memory of what they shared fades.  That’s part of the curse.  It erases his mind.  Resets him.

And the distance grows.

She’s calculated it. It’s five days before the clock in Graham’s head resets, five days until his memories slip away, lost to the curse forever.  

There is no relationship that can be formed in this curse.  Nothing can grow when the lifespan is only five days.  Oh, it’s a dark curse, and she paid a dark price, all for the dark sense of loneliness she is doomed to live for…all eternity?  Is this her own special version of hell?

Her only consolation is that as miserable as she is, Snow White is even more miserable.  Miserable and alone, and pathetic.  

But it’s been five years.  Five years of seeing Snow sad and alone.

And it really isn’t that satisfying after all.

Today she takes the afternoon off, leaves her elegant office in favor of her favorite place in the woods, where a fallen log makes the perfect bench.  It’s beautiful here, just the beginning of autumn; crisp, radiant leaves surround her, frame the beautiful view of the sunset in front of her.  She has her travel coffee mug - a coffee mug she’s filled with hot chocolate and laced with a generous pour of whiskey.  Oh hell, who is she kidding.  It’s whiskey with a generous pour of hot chocolate.  Still, it’s warm, and delicious, and it dulls the pain a bit.  The pain of knowing this is an anniversary not only of the curse’s birth, but of her father’s death.  

God, she misses him.  But if there’s one thing she knows, she knows a man as kindly as him is in a place far better than this hell. Better than the life of a man who was married to an evil woman and fathered an even more evil, ungrateful daughter.

Five years he’s been free.

“To five years,” she says, toasting to the setting sun before taking a long sip and swallowing hard, fighting the tears in her eyes and willing them to settle, not to fall.

“Five years of what?” says a voice behind her, and she jumps, her mug dropping to the ground, spilling the contents.

She curses and scowls at the stealthy intruder.  Locksley. God, he is insufferable.  It seems every time she wanted to be alone he’d show up.  

“Apologies, m’lady.  I didn’t expect to find anyone here.”

“Yes, well, this log is occupied,” she says tightly.  “Be on your way.”

“Well, I can’t do that,” he says, sitting down next to her. “You see, I am the park ranger.”

“I’m aware,” she says, before adding, “I hired you.”

That’s not… exactly true.  She did cast The Dark Curse and she had a say over the lives of many over whom it was cast but… the curse itself filled in where she had not set up a specific plan.  She did not know this man from the Land of Magic.  Didn’t know his past, who he was before…this.  But the curse had made him a park ranger, so he must have had some connection to the woods.

So technically, The Dark Curse hired him.  But he doesn’t need to know that.

“Indeed you did,” Locksley agrees, taking out a flask and helping himself to a generous sip.  “And I believe I am to enforce rules.  And one very important one” —he points to her coffee mug, a devilish smile on his face— “is no alcoholic beverages on park grounds.”

Why that little—!

She could just—

But it’s a joke, he’s made that clear, especially with the flask he’s holding now.  He’s playing with her.  Trying to engage her.  And for what purpose?

He’s so… He makes her so mad, has this way of pressing her buttons and bothering her.  That’s not supposed to happen in the curse, she’s always supposed to win, and yet…

She should just get up from this log and leave, make a comment about drinking on the job being a fireable offense, and let that be that.

But the sunset is beautiful, and it’s unseasonably warm, and he’s holding out a flask to her, and he’s sitting right next to her, their legs are touching, and the physical contact is just… oddly soothing.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Could you plz add Henry, Inigo, Owain, Morgan( so that he's of age), Brady, and Chrom to he drunken one, you can pick the ones you want to do.

The rest is under the cut~

Henry: He’s practically vomiting sunshine and rainbows. It’s one thing to see his sunny smile while he talks about risen guts and severed body parts. It’s another for him to talk about just how pretty your eyes are, how he thinks of daisies and animals and love. It’s not that he doesn’t like those things but it’s still off-putting.

He throws his arms around you and plants a big wet kiss on your cheek. “So soft,” he sighs and pokes your cheeks with his pointer finger in pattern. “So. Squishy.” He tugs them and you feel like your skin is going to fall off. “Nya ha nya ha nya ha~” Henry sings and once you push him off of you, he falls over while giggling. “Night night, ____…”

You gently prop him up and slowly trudge back to your tent, with him haphazardly balanced on your shoulder. “Night night, Henry.“

Keep reading

A Clash of Kings sentence/starter meme || Part 5

“If I’ve given you offense, I would know how.”
“Our swords and spears and arrows are yours to command.”
“Grant mercy to our weak, help to our helpless, and justice to all, and we shall never fail you.”
“This is not the day I die.”
“I want to weep. I want to be comforted. I’m so tired of being strong.”
“I want to be foolish and frightened for once.”
“They are still unblooded.”
“It is all a game to them, a tourney writ large, and all they see is the chance for glory and honor and spoils.”
“They are boys drunk on song and story, and like all boys, they think themselves immortal.”
“War will make them old, as it did us.”
“There will be many a bastard bred this night, I promise.”
“They are the knights of summer, and winter is coming.”
“Should we die in battle, they will surely sing of us, and it’s always summer in the songs.”
“In the songs all knights are gallant, all maids are beautiful, and the sun is always shining.
“Winter comes for all of us.”
“Gods and dogs alike delight to piss on me.”
“Now there’s a pretty grin.”
“Oh, is it love we’re talking now?”
“The sea is in my blood.”
“Would you send me into battle all sleepless with longing?”
“You seem well known.”
“I knew a man once who told me that I smile at the wrong things.”
“He has neither the wits nor the ambition to plot betrayal.”
“I wanted to see who you were first. And I did.”
“Every word you spoke to me was a lie.”
“Why should men fight and die for you?”
“I’ve always wanted a castle.”
“You’re very pleased with yourself, aren’t you?”