and i ride and i ride

my favorite kids.png

Tarot cards can be read two ways - okay, more than that, depending on which cards are drawn in a reading along with them. But mostly, there are two: upright and reversed. Good or bad, yin or yang, a positive spin on upcoming events… or a warning.

Or, in this case, neither of the above. Because the little guy in the fancy chariot had hit my nose and bounced off. Landing neither upright nor reversed, but on his side.

It lay there, vibrating slightly as it wrestled with itself, its grimy surface almost managing to obscure a bunch of symbols I’d seen before, and seen recently. There was the moon, my mother’s icon, on his shoulder armor. There was the sun, Apollo’s emblem, emblazoned on his chest. There were stars on the canopy fluttering over his head, like the ones on the card I’d drawn at the beginning of the odyssey to find Pritkin, and which had promised a long, tough road ahead.

I’d had no idea.

And finally, there was the little warrior himself, mostly silent at the moment because of the conflicting meanings of his two natures.

There are a lot of ways to interpret the chariot, and the card usually burbles on happily about all of them. But at its heart, it’s a simple contrast: victory or defeat. Or, as it was now, a battle undecided, hovering on a knife’s edge, able to tip either way.

I flicked it with a finger, pushing it upright. And heard what almost sounded like a sigh of relief from the little dude before he started telling me about victory. Yeah, I thought, staring at him. But was it mine, or was it Ares’?

But on that, the card was silent. (Karen Chance, Ride the Storm)

Ride the Storm + Aesthetic

today was kind of a tough day for me, reasons I won’t get into on here because I don’t know who’s reading…but it wasn’t a good day, now it wasn’t the worst either, I’ve been through worse and survived. But something else happened today too, Brand New released their new album. This band has an uncanny way of being there when I need them most, my whole life. Obviously there’s Deja which anyone who knows me knows what it means to me, but every album has a place in my heart for helping me. Daisy - everybody hated Daisy and it wasn’t popular people made fun of it, it came out when I was going from high school and so insecure, struggling with a lot, and it was there, in a way I related to the album in the sense that I was not very popular myself…I could go on and on and make this so long talking about each album and what it helped me through, some of them - like Deja - somehow helped me at 13 and 23 and there’s not a lot of music that be like that and do that for someone but here I am. And here I am again, in a tough place, i’m just tired and worn out from everything but when I found tht album today I felt such a calming feeling come over me, like an old friend you haven’t seen in years coming back into your life and you picking up right where you left off. And Idk, music is just really amazing like that, people come and go in life and i’ve experience more coming and going then I’d ever hoped to, but it’s amazing how the same band that was there for you way back when somehow ends up being their for you again.

//I… can write?

Anyone else boot up their favourite games every so often not even to play the story, or complete missions, but just to…exist in that world for a while? Pick some flowers, walk along a particularly scenic area, watch the sky change and listen to the music. Maybe visit an NPC you like, or check in and see how your companions are doing. Just…be in that world and feel at home

new mind palace sequence, listen: sherlock going through those doors in his mind palace and it’s still the hallways of the roland kerr further educational college but instead of redbeard in the middle of the floor, it’s just john, leaning casually against the wall with his arms crossed, wearing that plaid shirt with the sheer maroon cardigan, looking off into the distance, and when sherlock comes in, his head turns, and he sees sherlock, and he smiles just a very very very tiny little bit, so little only sherlock could see it, only because he knows john’s face so very well. 

and john pushes off the wall and goes to sherlock, stands in front of him. you need to calm down, sherlock, he says. he sounds like his doctor self. his soldier self. the way he sounded just inside 221b’s door before Moriarty’s trial all those years before, the quiet authority, ready? before he lead sherlock through the crowd. the quiet authority of just a few weeks ago on the floor of a barracks bathroom, of steven, can you hear me? stay with me. sherlock says, i didn’t know, john, i’m sorry i didn’t see it. and john reaches out one hand, puts it on sherlock’s arm. they don’t touch much in real life but sherlock knows the size of john’s hand, the warmth of his palm. he knows it now. he knows it always.

don’t apologise, john says. i just need for you to be all right sherlock. i know it hurts, i know it does. i got shot too, remember? but i need for you to be all right. and it does hurt, it really hurts, and john is saying breathe, breathe, helping sherlock to his knees so he doesn’t fall down, helping him carefully to the floor. how did you survive it? sherlock asks him. how did you survive the pain? sherlock knows now how it is to be hugged by john, and john hugs him here, too, holds sherlock close to his body, shelters him. he smells like aftershave. his eyes are deep dark blue. i had to, john says, he takes off his cardigan and presses it to the wound in sherlock’s chest. it’s not bleeding, here in the mind palace, but the pressure hurts. i had to survive it so that we could find each other. and you have already left me once, sherlock, and i can’t do it again. do you understand? you do not get to die under my hands again, all right? john takes his face in his hands as sherlock’s heart starts to fail. softer now. we’re losing you, sherlock, and i need you to survive this, okay, i need you to do this with me. are you ready? so breathe. and john kisses his forehead. breathe. john kisses one cheekbone, breathe, and the other. sherlock, right now, okay? right now. are you ready? 

sherlock nods, even though he isn’t sure, and john says it one more time, breathe, and it sounds like for me, and he kisses sherlock’s mouth, kisses him hard and steady and certain, and somewhere in a surgical suite outside of sherlock’s mind, a machine beeps back into life.