TalesFromThePharmacy: One Hundred Percent Baby Free™
Last call from tonight, on a not terribly busy night.
Me = myself,
L = Lady,
RPH = Pharmacist,
Me: “Thank you for calling [REDACTED] pharmacy, we provide vaccinations, how can I help you?
L: "You provide what?”
Me: “Vaccines? We have shots and stuff, to, uh, keep you from getting sick.” At this point, I’m not sure of myself or where this conversation is going, so everything I say has a non-committal upward inflection because people usually are aware that we have vaccines and don’t need that part explained to them.
L: “Oh, really? I’ve never heard that.” Weird, we’ve gotten prescriptions for her before, and literally all of my co-workers here start their phone greetings by mentioning them, but people don’t really listen, so I can understand she possibly missed that. “What have you got?”
Me “We have, flu shots, meningitis shots, pneumonia shots, TDAP, tetanus shots, all sorts. Anything in particular you’re looking for?” It’s eight thirty, we close in thirty minutes. You’re probably not getting a vaccine tonight.
L: “Well, I heard that they have baby parts in them.”
Me: “Uhhhhhh, do what now?” I furrow my brow. “Lemme put you on hold real quick.” I put the call on hold, furrow my brow, and try my damnedest to not break composure, and turn to the pharmacist and manage “so, this lady on the call thinks we’ve got babypartsinourvaccines?”
RPH: “Well, we don’t, so I guess just tell her there aren’t any babies in our vaccines.”
Me: “Well, yeah I know that, but… whatever, if it sets her mind at ease.” I resume the call. “Well, ma'am, I can say with complete certainty that our vaccines are one hundred percent baby free.”
L: “Well, I wish I would’ve known that. When I was at the doctor’s office, the nurse just jabbed me with something when I was talking to the doctor.” Oh, okay. “They really ought to defund Planned Parenthood.”
I make some more non-committal noises so as not to provoke any sort of conflict.
Me: “That’s unfortunate. Now, is there something else I can help you with?”
L: “Yeah, I’d like a refill on my Diazepam.”
Me: “It looks like that’s at another location.”
L: “Oh, this isn’t [REDACTED] pharmacy on [VERY REDACTED] street?”
Me: “Unfortunately not. This is [REDACTED] pharmacy on [INCREDIBLY REDACTED] street. Is there anything else I can help you with?” She says no, I say have a good night, and I hang up, and shrug my absolute goddamn hardest to the pharmacist next to me who’s been enjoying the half of the conversation he can hear.
The lady wasn’t mean or crazy sounding or anything like that. She was just a nice old lady who read the wrong article online.
TL;DR No, there’s no god damned baby scrapings in vaccinations.
INB4 the formatting is fucked and I have to edit it several times to make the story coherent.
Edit 1: God damn, I hate being a self-fulfilling prophecy. Formatting was fucked.