Someone Else (Evan x Reader Drabble)
25. “No strings attached.” with Evan
Okay, so this wasn’t even a angsty prompt, it was a smut prompt. But your getting no sex and maybe some feels so sorry bout that. And this idea wasnt even requested and no one wanted this but I wrote it anyway??? Also I’ve never written angst so please please p l e a s e give me feedback. And I sort of tried some different things in this so let me know your thoughts?? please???
Warnings: none, more dialogue than needed, and unedited, terrible writing as always when it comes to these drabbles.
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“You know Zoe Murphy?”
“The girl you’ve been talking about everyday for literally 2 years? No I don’t think I know her” you laugh. You were currently staring at his face (well, where you assumed his face was) in the darkness.
Tonight’s situation, you sleeping at Evan’s house, wasn’t arranged. It was spur of the moment, something you were used to. Like a hundred times before, you’d dragged the spare mattress from the other Hansen bedroom and placed it next to Evan’s bed. As always he’d offered his bed to you, and as always you refused, thinking that allowing you to stay at his house was kindness enough. Heidi hadn’t even questioned it because you were just friends right? Of course you and Evan wouldn’t be having sex because you’re just friends, best friends, but nothing more, so why would she need to be worried?
He laughs with you, pulling you away from your own thoughts.
“I’ve been thinking about asking her out?” he says after a silence.
You just didn’t know what to say. He’s had a crush on her for years, his anxiety was getting better, and he was happy. There was no reason for him not to ask her out. They’d make an amazing couple and would make each other so - just so goddamn happy, wouldn’t they? Yeah, they would, and they deserve to be happy - at least thats what you’re trying to convince yourself.
“So whats stopping you?”
“i’ve just been - well, I’ve just been over-thinking it I guess. Like even if I ask her out and even if she says yes, which I think its a long shot anyway -”
“Of course she’ll say yes, Ev, why wouldn’t she?” You interrupt him.
“Oh .. um thanks, I don’t know? But then if she wants to kiss and i’ve never kissed anyone before, and I’m going to be so bad at it and there be no … no fireworks and she’ll break up with me before we’ve even started dating”
You don’t even know why you said your next sentence. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t thought out, and it certainly wasn’t rational. But maybe it was because you said crazy things at 3am, or maybe because you were in love with your best friend.
“Kiss me” you blurt out, not realising what you said until the words were already falling from your lips. “You know, for practice” you practically tripped over your own words, second guessing every response he could have as you continued to babble on.
“it won’t be your first kiss, not your first proper one as I’m just - I’m just a friend, it won’t mean anything, no strings attached, and you can have your proper first kiss with Zoe, fireworks and all” you say, feigning a smile even in the dark.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to ruin our friendship” Evan practically whispers.
“You’re my best friend, Ev, and you have been for years, and one meaningless little kiss isn’t going to change that.” you laugh, hoping it covers the nervousness you were feeling.
He doesn’t respond.
“But if you don’t want that its fine, I get it, I was out of line -”
“I want to - I mean I would really appreciate you doing that … for me” he says, sincerely.
“Uhh sure thing.”
Through the darkness, you clamber onto the bed next to him, as Evan reaches over and switches his light.
You couldn’t deny he looked cute. His blue t-shirt was crumpled, and plaid pyjama pants were bobbled and worn at the knees as he sat crossed legged on top of his bed. His hair was already ruffled from laying down, and a sleepy smile graced his lips.
“Didn’t you want to keep it off? Pretend I’m Zoe?” you joke, trying to diffuse whatever emotions were in the air.
Evan just looks at his lap, but you see the corners of his mouth still turned up, your comment obviously not offending him.
However his lack of a verbal response intensifies the doubts already playing around in your mind.
“Maybe this was a stupid idea, I’m obviously sleep deprived -” you start but then his hand interlinks with yours and you stop in your tracks.
“Its not a stupid. Not to me” he says, “Thank you for doing this” he says smiling at you.
“No worries” you say, a small smile forming to match his.
“So … where do I put my hands?” he asks after a pause.
“Just put them on my waist,” you say, “or keep them in your lap, whatevers comfortable for you Ev”
His hands move to your waist on top of a tee of his you had borrowed to sleep in. You just stare at each other for a moment, an awkward feeling passing between you.
“Ok I’m going to … kiss you now” you say, cringing at your words despite trying to diffuse the situation.
“Ok, yes, please.” he stammers, his hands nervously grasping at your tee, clenching and unclenching it in his hands.
You cup his cheeks in your hands. You close your eyes as you brush your lips to his. They’re softer than you expected, and warm, and you almost lose yourself already.
After barely a few seconds, you pull back and smile, taking it slow for him.
“Ok?” you question, your hands still on his cheeks. It was barely a peck but you still wanted to check everything was ok.
“Was I … alright?” he questions genuinely.
“Well you didn’t hyperventilate so…” you laugh, removing your hands from his face. He smiles
“Can we go again?” he says. “I just want to be prepared you know”.
“I know”. You knew what reassured him and comforted him because knew Evan’s anxiety inside out. You were the one he called when he was having a panic attack, when he was feeling anxious, or when he just needed someone to talk to.
You were the one who was there. The one who was always there.
You lean in again. This kiss is deeper but its still sweet, and tender, and innocent.
You savour every second and every feeling: your nose pressed into his cheek, your foreheads touching softly, his blush radiating onto your skin. He’s soft and warm and gentle. He’s kind and loving and generous. And he’s not in love with you.
You break away. You’re unsure whether these breaks were more for his benefit or yours. Either way you don’t have too long to ponder the thought until you feel Evan’s hands pull on your waist.
He leans in this time, and suddenly your lips are connected for a third time. For a third time you’re getting far too invested in a kiss that wasn’t meant to be shared, in feelings that weren’t meant to be felt, and in a boy that could never be yours.
His hands tighten on your waist, bunching the material of your t-shirt in his hands as he deepens the kiss and begins to take control. He runs his tongue across your lower lip like you had just done to him, and soon your the one who’s blushing, your kiss getting hotter by the second.
He moans softly, involuntarily, but that doesn’t stop him. He continues to kiss you like his life depended on it.
And yes, your teeth and noses were bumping together, but that barely registered. There was only one thought on your mind: Evan. You were surrounded by him - his sheets, his clothes you’re wearing, his smell. You were overwhelmed, losing all sense of time and place, not knowing how long you spent kissing him. He was the only thing that mattered to you.
You didnt want to do this, to get too into the kiss, to fall for him even more than you currently were. But here you were, falling in love with your best friend even though he was in love with someone else.
You needed to stop this.
But it felt incredible.
But it was wrong, and you knew it. He was your best friend for god’s sake and he was in love with someone else.
You broke away, your breathing noticeably heavy as you tried to steady your thoughts. You were reeling.
“Why did you stop? Did I - Was it ok?” Evan asked, meeting you eyes despite his nervous manner.
“Oh yeah, you were … really good” you said, trying to steady your voice.
You didn’t even notice your hands had weaved through his hair until you moved them down to your lap, breaking the contact completely.
“So why did -” he stops. He just stares at you, saying nothing and some how saying everything.
“Maybe we should get some rest?” you say awkwardly, breaking the eye contact. You couldn’t do this. You couldn’t talk about what just happened. Not tonight. Not ever. You couldn’t let him know. You couldn’t ruin this friendship with your selfish feelings - this was the thought replaying in your mind so you didn’t relive that kiss.
Evan bites a fingernail awkwardly before nodding.
You quickly move back to your borrowed bed before Evan switches the light out, the darkness consuming all your unspoken words.
“Thank you, Y/N. I’m glad my first kiss, real or not, was with you” he says.
“Me too Ev” you whisper.
And one fact was undoubtably clear in your mind: you loved him, and it took him loving someone else for you to finally realise that.