and i literally had to sit down

when ur hanging out in ur apartment u’ve got some candles lit ur feeling good u’ve had 8 glasses of wine then down in the street u hear two beautiful boys skateboarding or doing flips or something so u invite them up and they say where’s the bed and they ask if they can sit on the bed and u tell them sure but the sheets are expensive japanese linen and they tell u they’re not even soft:

The signs as people I've experienced in college

Aries: that guy who yelled “well buttfuck me!” When the quadratic formula was mentioned in math class

Taurus: that one annoying girl who sits next to me and always has to comment after everything the professor says. Just shut the fuck up

Gemini: the guy who walks everywhere barefoot. He doesn’t fucking believe in shoes

Cancer: that one guy who yelled “kobe!” and tried to toss a paper ball into the trashcan and missed, only to try 5 more times and miss each time. He does this every class period, missing every. single. time.

Leo: the guy who looked me dead in the eye in the library and said “You know what? Fuck it. Fuck all this bullshit.” and left

Virgo: that one dude who always shares gum, mints, snacks, etc. with the people sitting around him

Libra: that weeb that naruto ran into the cafeteria, grabbed a Chik-fil-A sandwich, and naruto ran out only to be chased by one of the cafeteria staff because he didn’t pay

Scorpio: that beefy dude who called up one of his beefy friends to come and literally lift the snack machine and shake it to get his snack that got stuck

Sagittarius: that guy who fell down a flight of stairs, flipped off the staircase, and turned around only to realize I had witnessed the whole thing and dabbed

Capricorn: the girl who gave her boyfriend a bouncy ball in class only for him to slam it down (thinking it wouldn’t bounce?) and causing the ball to hit the ceiling, ricochet off the blade of the ceiling fan, only to smack the teacher in the side of the head

Aquarius: the guy in my psychology class who told his best friend sitting next to him that he had a “raging erection”

Pisces: that girl who was asleep on the floor in a full sleeping bag and a pillow

anonymous asked:

pls expand on your ridiculous experiences during one semester at a fake college

okay I got a few asks about this so let me see what I can remember right now. These might not all be in chronological order

- At orientation, they were talking about the reservation near campus and all these pretty sites and this kid in the back of the auditorium goes “So uhh…heard this place might be built over a Native American burial ground?”

- The speaker: “…Let’s not think about that, okay?”

- The freshman were on campus alone for like a week and a half (other than the RA’s) before the other students and I just. The parties. Were out of control. An ambulance was called basically every night.

- I walked into the bathroom the first night there to find a girl literally dying because someone slipped something in her drink and she was having a Very Bad Reaction

- Sting- you know, the singer- ‘s son lived in my residence hall. This boy almost accidentally killed me on three separate occasions (while I was just trying to do my laundry)

- I told my family about this at Thanksgiving. Everyone in the room advised me to seduce him

- I ate breakfast in the dining hall exactly once. I got scrambled eggs. I noticed no one had brought out ketchup with the condiments and politely asked about it. I received glares from at least ten different people. Apparently people there don’t believe in ketchup on eggs.

- There were these two boys in my English class known as “The Lumbard Guys”. They didn’t live in my residence hall, but they would come over almost every night, start a party, and destroy part of the basement.

- At orientation this one kid got mad and set his shoe on fire to prove a point

- Also at orientation like??? My roommate disappeared???? And I never saw her again???

- Listen like…this campus just looked like the perfect setting for a horror film, but none of the people from the area got that. They all thought I was crazy until some comic from Comedy Central did a stand up act and said “Why the hell is this campus so creepy? I feel like I’m gonna leave here with someone else wearing my face!”. I felt way too validated.

- ALL OF MY CLASSES WERE SO FAKE

- My “math” class was actually a disguised home ec. course???? All we had were word problems that were incredibly detailed recipes or instructions on how to fix things. The teacher, who I swear to GOD was actually my Mr-Rogers-Wannabe guidance counselor from high school in disguise, spent more time trying to come up with names and backstories for the models in the text book than actually trying to teach

- I had to take a class called “first year seminar” because neither of my parents went to college. It was supposed to be teaching you about how the school works and stuff but SUPRISE BITCH WE’RE JUST GONNA YELL ABOUT RACISM AND PRIVELGE FOR AN HOUR.

- Literally that’s all we did. Just the whole class bonding over all these struggles we had gone through and getting fired up. Like, it was great, but I also ended up knowing very little about campus and school stuff bc that was the class that was supposed to be teaching me lmao

- My Psych teacher was fucking hysterical for the first few classes but then he just. Vanished. I had to drop the class

- My Fine Arts teacher just. Couldn’t stick to a teaching plan. Her entire wardrobe was scarves. She was very passionate about African masks. She had a flapper haircut. She spoke quietly, but with a marvelously forced tone of voice that I’m certain was her trying to sound impressive and hide a Boston accent. She didn’t seem to understand the year was 2014. She took us into the city to go to the Art Museum and we lost her in there, never to be seen again

- I’m not even kidding

- My “writing” teacher was my absolute fav omfg. She was this long grey haired hippie lady who worked as a nurse for the Grateful Dead and was still stuck there. She may or may not have hooked up with my uncle. I was her favorite student because one day I came in wearing a “HAIR” shirt. She wanted to take the class to England for the sole purpose of going on a Beatles tour

- But like…she did not teach a writing class omfg. She taught a social justice class. All we did was have informed debates about The Issues and listen to music and occasionally watch the Breakfast Club. Every time there was a big paper due on the syllabus, she’d just sit on her desk and go “I mean, I don’t have to cover anything, right? You guys know how to write!” Like I genuinely don’t think she knew what class she was teaching

- There was a boy who sat next to me in that class. He was deaf in one ear and used that as an excuse when he got caught blatantly not paying attention. It worked every time. But I was right next to him. I saw him playing Yu-Gi-Oh on some website on his phone under the table. One time we started talking about model cars and he pre-cummed.

- There was a boy who roamed the campus in a long black trench coat and a weird hat. I never saw his body and started to suspect he might not have one, just the theory of one. He took interest in me because I was the only person in class who ever got his Doctor Who jokes. He’d come up to me at dinner and blast quiz me on various nerd culture before running off and disappearing into the shadows. Just as I was starting to grudgingly accept I was probably going to have to eventually hook up with him for the greater good, I apparently offended him by saying I like Picard more than Kirk. He didn’t stick around to listen to my reasoning. Whenever I saw him after that he would loudly start talking about how great his girlfriend was. Everyone knew he was lying. I wonder if Kirk ever sucked his theoretical dick as well as I would have.

- I gave a football player a shout out on Yik Yak. He really appreciated it, and gave me some fries laced with weed as a thanks. That was such A Night ™ , I watched the Lorax and left the dimension.

- Every time we had dances, this creepy guy named Horace would find me and use my obvious discomfort to make me dance with him. He’d hold my wrists and shove his crotch on mine while vaguely swaying to the beat. I had to escape to the bathroom every few minutes. Finally the security just banned him from the events altogether. I can still see his face clearly in my mind.

- One night, I walked into the bathroom to find a perfect, untouched pizza laying on the floor…but not in a box. Someone literally just took it out of the box and laid it down. I’m still fuming.

- One time I was in the mostly empty library when I smelled something. I walked down the rows of shelves before rounding the corner, and found the President of the college hidden there, sitting on the floor, smoking, a bottle of vodka in his hands. We held eye contact for a solid minute. He slowly shook his head at me. I said “Sir, your house is like…literally across the street.” He shook his head more vigorously. I left the library.

- One night, I heard screaming. I looked out the window to find a girl in a giraffe costume scaling my building. People were throwing water bottles at her. I was concerned. I didn’t know who to talk to for answers.

- I was in line trying to pay for dinner. One of the lunch ladies climbed on top of the ice cream machine and refused to come down. Her friend came over and they started recreating the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. Very few people acknowledged it.

- Someone jacked up the soda dispenser so it was only dispensing beer. None of the staff cared enough to fix it.

- I caught my RA in the middle of a drug deal so she gave me a coupon for free ice cream

- Also side note: The soft served ice cream machine on campus was actually a frozen yogurt machine. I had no problem with that, but like, advertise correctly, you know? Nobody else seemed to understand my confusion. Nobody else seemed to understand that froyo and ice cream are two different things. What the hell.

- There were just…so many moths all over the campus. A terrifying amount. When it started getting colder I was like, finally, I won’t be attacked by moths anymore! Only for even more moths to appear. I asked a local about it. “Oh, those are the winter moths!” What the fuck are winter moths? What the fuck, Massachusetts? My friend back home grew convinced that Mothman was in the area. I was inclined to believe her. Sometimes I close my eyes and all I can see are moths everywhere, waiting for the moment to strike.

-  I’ve encountered deer many times in my life. I know how they act around people. But the deer on this campus were just weird. They’d run out at people all the time. One almost shoved me into traffic.

- My roommate gave my phone number out to literally anyone she found who mentioned they liked to read or liked Doctor Who. She was concerned I had no friends. No one ever called.

- I met a small Greek girl in my Fine Arts class. Our first day of talking, she made me climb a mountain with her so she could get to tutoring, even though I had no reason to be in that building. Her roommates kept mysteriously disappearing. She was late to everything. She’d call me randomly to get food at 1 in the morning. She kept somehow breaking phones and tvs and other electronics. When I asked her how they kept breaking, she waved it off with “Oh, I have OCD. You wouldn’t understand”. I have OCD, and I still don’t understand. One time she invited me out with her friends from high school. I waited outside her building for two hours, while the other friends waited in the parking lot for two hours, because we didn’t know how to find each other. She eventually came outside at 10:30 pm. We went to Friendly’s. She made us stop at her house so she could grab something. We pulled up a long, winding driveway and stopped in a parking lot. At the end of the parking lot were stone stairs that lead up to a mansion on a hill. She ran inside and the rest of us stayed in the car, listening to High School Musical and talking about Supernatural. When she came out 40 minutes later we decided to try and prank her. It went wrong. We almost ran over her friend’s sister with the car. They invited me to a pumpkin patch. When I started complaining about my roommate, she asked me to move in with her. I thought about the other three girls who had seemingly gone missing. I politely declined. Six months after I left the school, I received a text from her asking for notes for an exam, and radio silence after that. I can’t find her on facebook. I fear she might have gone missing too.

- One night, as I was standing outside huddled in the cold, a boy came up and offered me a cigarette to help me stay warm. I turned it down, but he stood around talking to me for a few minutes afterwards. I felt absolutely no awkwardness at all. He was a musician from Colorado. He sang a bit of one of his songs. He was dropping out of school to go to California the next week. He told me I had beautiful eyes, but his were the most alive eyes I’ve ever seen so I couldn’t believe the compliment. We talked for about ten minutes and I fell a little bit in love. He had to rush off to a club meeting, but he told me he’d rather keep talking. He gave me the sweetest smile before he left. I didn’t get his last name or number and I never saw him again.

- There was a dance on Halloween. I couldn’t think of a sufficiently slutty yet classy costume, so I just went as Osgood from Doctor Who. When I got there there was a huge crowd, but people quickly grew bored and started leaving. There ended up being six people left (myself included). We stayed because we could see the upset faces of everyone who had planned the event, but actually had one of the most fun nights of my life. We- myself, the girl from across the hall, Trench Coat Boy, his tiny friend who never spoke, and a boy and girl I didn’t know who seemed to be professional dancers- danced nonstop for almost three hours. The strobe lights and poppy music solidified an unspoken bond. I had never and to this day haven’t felt as free as I did that night. The tiny quiet boy’s smile could have lit up a city. It’s etched into my mind. We all left the dance talking about the surreal feeling in the air, as if something had shifted. None of us ever mentioned the dance again. It’s still one of my fondest memories.

- For a solid month, there was someone in a gorilla costume running around campus.

- There was a rash of sexual assaults on campus. A gang of boys kept jumping girls in the woods. The only thing the school board did was give out free rape whistles at lunch one day. I missed that day, making me one of the only students on campus without a whistle. Later that night when I ordered pizza, the delivery guy tried to start up a conversation with me about all the assaults. He blamed the girls. I took back my tip.

- Sometimes the showers just…filled up with black sludge. No one knew why.

- The girls in the room next to me were very bizarre. They always shot me odd looks and whispered to each other constantly. I couldn’t figure out if they were sleeping together or not. They never washed their hands when we were in the bathroom.

- The doors to each dorm were thick and heavy and required effort to push them open. My roommate and I made sure to lock ours every night, and would triple check it. It swung open by itself almost every night. The channels on the tv would change with the remote equidistance away from us. Sometimes I heard humming in the showers when I was the only one in there.

- My roommate…deserves a whole separate post dedicated to her, honestly.

- She would call her mother and have her do her homework for her. She blasted music constantly, and it was either country or hard rap, nothing in between. She sexiled me constantly. I once walked in on anal. She’d meet guys on Tinder, fall in love with them after a couple of days, and then bring them into the school and into our room like it was no big deal. One of them made it clear he was a budding serial killer. She was in a new drama every week. One time someone called her a dilf on Yik Yak. She was firmly convinced her cousin was blonde because her aunt dyed her hair when she was pregnant. She tried her hardest to get me laid by a football player. She was the loudest drunk I’ve ever encountered. Honestly there’s just too much about her for this omfg

- John Zaffis, the famous paranormal researcher, came to the school on my birthday. I went because I’m a loser who’s been watching shows with him since I was a kid, and I was having a bad day so I decided it could be a treat. I sat in the front row. He held an uncomfortable amount of eye contact with me the entire presentation. He was impressed with my questions. He lamented about the fact he’s always cut out of movies or replaced by priests that look like him. He apparently came to the school every year around Halloween to do a ghost tour around the campus for the students. A girl allegedly killed herself in my floor’s bathroom. He apparently always got a lot of activity around the campus. Everyone in the freshman class started wondering if the rumors about the Native American burial ground were true.

- One time in “writing” class the teacher gave us a number and then whatever song came up as that when we put our music on shuffle we had to play for the class. I ended up with “Touch Me” from Spring Awakening. Midway through the song, the teacher from another class came to complain that they could hear everything. My teacher tried to defend that all music has an important message. “Molly, dear, tell her the message in this song!” I looked around the room and at the other teacher. “It’s about sex,” I said quietly. She stormed out of the room while the class started laughing.

- There was this girl that just had the natural ability to make anything boring. I feel bad saying that, because she’s such a sweet girl, and she’s smart, and she’s gorgeous, and she’s talented, but just…every time she says anything, it’s boring. I’m still friends with her on facebook, the talent transcends to writing as well. You could be having a fun, lively conversation and she could say something completely relevant to the point and yet it would still just be boring. It’s a baffling talent, I still don’t understand how she does it.

- There was a boy who’d come into my room. He lusted over my s’mores poptarts. He kept trying to hit the high notes in Broadway songs. He didn’t understand my sense of humor at all, so we both were constantly worried we were offending each other. He cried about Selena Gomez a lot.

- The dining hall only offered horrendous food. I had pasta almost every night because it was the only thing remotely edible. If you wanted good food, you had to go to Late Night, which was between like 10:30 and 1 I think??? They set it up specifically for stoners and people leaving parties. I was frequently the only sober person there. Except for the moths.

- The chief at the pasta place found out I like theater and got like…weirdly passionate about it. He kept telling me about different theater groups in the area and wanted to know if I was in the school musical. He asked me every time I went up for food.

- There was a disproportionate amount of large black birds to trees. It wasn’t hard to figure out why we so rarely saw smaller animals

- When I told my advisor I was thinking about leaving (mostly for financial reasons but also the fake classes were preventing me from getting an education I wanted, you know?), this little old man looked around his office as if checking for people listening in, then put his hand on top of mine, leaned in close, and whispered “Oh, you sweet little girl. Run as fast as you can.”

There’s definitely more but listen. This school was weird and fake and vaguely surreal and off-kilter. I am fully afraid that one day, years from now, I’m going to be driving through the back roads and pass the place where the campus should be, only I won’t find anything there at all, and won’t be able to find any trace of it ever existing. I won’t be able to find any record of it. I won’t be able to find a record of any of the people. Every time I think about this place I just get a weird feeling, like I somehow managed to escape the Twilight Zone but left a part of me behind in the process. Be careful when applying to college, kids.

Public School Is A Goddamn Disater, Part 2: The Lovecraftian Madness of Machismo

Part 1 here, AKA: the Mantisocalypse (you don;t have to read it to understand this one, but you should anyway)

Content Warnings: Mental Illness, Attempted Murder, Sexual Content, Stalking, Abuse, Animal Abuse Mention, Emetophobia, US Public Education, Military Industrial Complex.  I’ve been told this is my most disturbing story, even if it’s hilarious, so mind your health.  All the names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent and Not-So-Innocent.

This is the story of Recruiting Sergeant Scott VS. The Lacrosse Jocks VS. Yours truly.

To understand this story, you must understand the dystopian hellscape that is US Public High School- I went to the NICE high school in town, with the AP curriculum and new building, where the the kids were generally too obsessed with getting into the ivy league to do anything worse than occasionally smoke on the roof.  Not even weed, just regular cigs.  During their off-periods, so they’d have time to febreeze their clothes and arrive to their next class early.  You know, the most boring fucking kids ever.

AND STILL, we were subjected to the various scourges of US public ed, namely-

-on-campus police officers and regular “what to do in case of a columbine event” drill.  We had Officer Munoz, who was a wonderful Latina Woman with the good sense to focus her efforts on getting kids away from abusive parents rather than persecuting brown kids, but we were VERY lucky on that front.  Still, having someone walking around with a gun and technically the authority to kill you, and having to hide in the science cabinets three times a year fucks you up.  Remember Officer Munoz though, She is Important.

- A weird, cult-like, frankly masturbatory attitude regarding athletic achievement.  The arts and sciences were stuck doing bake sales for supplies while the gym got re-done two years after the school opened.  This was tempered in an odd way at my school in that literally all the sports teams unequivocally sucked, with the exception of 

1.Marching Band, which went to nationals twice in the first two years the school was open 

2.Knowledge Bowl, where kevin and I took the team to 3rd in state in our first year, and only lost because Kevin had an asthma attack so we decided to let the other teams fight over the ‘lesser’ medals 

3.Lacrosse, which didn’t actually didn’t GO anywhere, but was a “real” sport and beat our ‘rival’ school, so the team got to be Big Men On Campus, and get away with all kinds of nonsense like eating in class when everyone else was forbidden or skipping tests for ‘practice’.  The three worst offenders were Dustin, Jack and “Rattlesnake Pete”, all of whom were budding neo-nazis and thus signed up for German.  With our Jewish teacher.  Remember them too.

-On-campus military recruiters.  As in, people who are legally allowed to exaggerate, manipulate and actually lie to minors to convince them to join the armed forces.  Ours was Sergeant Scott, and as much of a skeevy rat as he was I honestly felt bad for him, because remember, academic magnet high school so he had three kinds of kids to work with:

  • Kids who made the physical standards for the armed forces and were all about honoring their country via physical labor, but were dumb as shit and couldn’t pass the written exam.
  • Kids who could pass the written exam and were totally ready to bully some people in the third world, but couldn’t do a pull up if you covered the gym floor in cobras.
  • Kids who passed the physical and mental portions but were uniformly rabidly anti-military industrial complex, to the point where 35 of them crammed into his cubicle in the office he shared with Officer Munoz and Janitor Wendy, so they could hold a sit-in protest of the Iraq war and chant “Impeach Bush” and “War is Murder” at him  Someone chucked red paint on him, because they’re furious immature teenagers.  It was his first day.

Poor bastard.  Remember Him as well.

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funny story

so when I was like 9 and 10 my friend and I were absolutely OBSESSED with webkinz. every dollar we had went towards buying webkinz, and combined we ended up with over 200. we made a youtube channel dedicated to webkinz music videos and all of our videos consisted of just fucking launching every webkinz across the room and bouncing them up and down in every possible location and filming it. we brought them everywhere with us (literally: restaurants, amusement parks, stores, etc). there was no limit to what we did with them. we were convinced we had over 200,000 youtube subscribers and one our videos has over 23K views. we were vehemently against ever getting rid of them and were determined to pass them down to our children like family heirlooms. today, every time I show a friend our channel they lose their fucking mind and every person finds it hysterical and I have to sit there in mortification.

Going to the Yule Ball with Draco Malfoy would include...

Originally posted by crystalgreene-justromance

request -  Dancing with Draco at the Yule Ball.

a/n - i kind of changed it up and made it into a yule all with draco thing since i had a lot more ideas to offer into the request, hope you don’t mind!!! xxx

- he probably asked you by using a charm to be all cutesy

- he only went all out because he thinks you’re the absolute cutest in the school

- also would probably beat crabbe and goyle up if they called they said anything about you that was negative

- him asking fellow slytherins to tie his bowtie

- ‘draco all you’ve ever told me to do is go stick a dragons egg up my arse why should i help you now’

- ‘I KNOW BUT JUST THIS ONE TIME CMON’

 - waits for you at the bottom of the staircase in front of the great hall

- might i mention that you’ve already tripped on your dress a good 5 times already

- your mom sent you that dress okay!!! it was special and you hope he would like it

- and oh boy did he

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just southern™ things

-the accent

-all’a’y’all, y’all’d’ve, combining those two somehow, and good luck trying to sound normal if the word has an I in it

-LAWD have MERcY 

-when you have non-southern friends who hear your accent for the first time and them telling you it’s cute

-everyone freaks out about looking nice for church

-that one part of your family that nobody likes bc they refuse to acknowledge ain’t is a word

-going up North and having your soul sucked out of you through the straw bc of the tea

-”Can I get a sweet tea?” “Oh do you mean iced tea (:”

-”get the groceries out of the buggy”

-when someone mentions how out it is outside and everyone is like “it’s one of them y a n k e e s”

-kids driving tractors on the roads

-”I have a job over the summer.” “Oh, cool! Where do you work?” “The tobacco fields.”

-When you live in a small town and the only restaurant around is fucking Bojangles

-When your blood pressure is low and you’re given sweet tea until you can get to food

-if you think there is enough sugar in the tea, you’re wrong. put more

-Potatoes are taters 

-”pull up yeR BRITCHES

-the teenage boys in highschool are always bragging about their coon hounds

-if you ain’t got moonshine are you even southern???

-Before he Cheats by Carrie Underwood

-When it snows all school is out for y e a r s

-don’t backtalk ya mama, ever

-^^southern wrath

-”I’ll pray for you!!!!!!”

-hurricane/tornado season

-if you don’t refer to elders as sir/ma’am be prepared for a speech

-everyone goes further south over the summer, think you can’t go anymore? wrong. keep going

-myrtle beach

-farms literally everywhere

-sitting outside with your family/friends in the evening listening to the crickets/bullfrogs/animals and smelling the honeysuckles as a soft breeze cools everything down

-^ while drinking tea

-homemade meals

feel free to add on

The Signs as People I've Experienced In College

Aries: that guy who yelled “well buttfuck me!” When the quadratic formula was mentioned in math class

Taurus: that one annoying girl who sits next to me and always has to comment after everything the professor says. Just shut the fuck up

Gemini: the guy who walks everywhere barefoot. He doesn’t fucking believe in shoes

Cancer: that one guy who yelled “kobe!” and tried to toss a paper ball into the trashcan and missed, only to try 5 more times and miss each time. He does this every class period, missing every. single. time.

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Ok but rock climber Pidge tho

I can’t believe I haven’t thought of this yet?? It’s perfect and also works so well with her weapon

  • Sam started taking her when she was young cause he and Colleen felt she needed something physical to do with herself, something that would take her away from her computers for at least a little while
  • They tried all sorts of things in the beginning; soccer, swimming, gymnastics, ballet, figure skating, hockey, anything they could think of, but she was always unhappy, always dragging her feet to classes, always inventing excuses to get out of going
  • ((See the problem is Katie is too bullheaded to take well to structured lessons where she has to listen to a teacher and too independent to really thrive in team sports))
  • But the nice thing about climbing is when you start young you don’t even need to attend classes. So long as your parent/guardian/person accompanying you knows what they’re doing it can just be like “ok you’re tied in now go, climb”
  • It’s perfect for Katie
  • She gets to be independent, gets to do her own thing and find her own hand- and foot-holds, puzzling out the route up the rock face like she’d puzzle out one of her computer problems
  • Plus it’s an activity she gets to do with her family (because of course they all go; Matt won’t let his baby sister beat him at anything)
  • They start off mostly outside on real rock faces cause the gyms all have these stupid rules where children under 10 are required to take lessons and that would defeat the whole purpose
  • Katie grumbles and bitches and moans about being outside but once she gets to the crag she settles; she truly genuinely enjoys climbing, it’s the perfect sport for her. It’s good enough that she’ll forget to be annoyed that she’s outside
  • Sam lets her do this thing when she’s climbed well where as he’s lowering her back down he’ll just stop and hold her about 7 feet off the ground and she’ll bounce side to side on the rock face doing what she calls “the spiderman”
  • She has the perfect body type for a climber tbh–she’s small, which gives her a high weight-to-muscle ratio, which means climbing comes naturally to her
  • She’s also maybe just a bit of an adrenaline junkie (I think all climbers are to a certain extent). There’s nothing quite like the rush of reaching the top of a route, the satisfaction of making it, sitting in your harness and looking down at all the empty space below you, or looking out over miles and miles of land, that initial lurch where you go from holding onto the rock to sitting back in your harness to be lowered, that split-second of gut reaction “oh no I’m gonna fall” before your weight is fully supported by the rope
  • lmao I’m just rambling at this point but this idea came to me when I was–you guessed it–out climbing with my dad. And I had to take a moment because it’s literally perfect for Pidge
  • Also like, Pidge all decked out in climbing gear is my #aesthetic ok
{Special} College!AU Taeyong
  • major: medical laboratory science 
  • minor:  mathematics 
  • sports: tennis team 
  • clubs: was a part of math club and won a regional competition when he was only a freshman,,,,the math dept begged him to switch majors but he said he wouldn’t be able to handle a degree that made him a teacher,,,,,because schools can be,,,,,,,a mess  
  • taeyong is like the model student and everyone in his major thinks he’s a genius,,,,,,,,,,,,but in reality he just stays up three nights in a row neurotically drinking coffee and listening to edm remixes of like jazz songs,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,like that is the Truth of his college life
  • was originally going to go into pre-med,,,,but when an emt came to visit and was like “sometimes blood just gets everywhere! and i mean EVERYWHERE” taeyong was like,,,,,,,,,,well he first got out his hand sanitizer and decided then and there that working with machines and in a lab was his aesthetic instead
  • having random people cough on you in the ER is not
  • like blood is cool in the study of hematology and taeyong will get enthusiastic over working with new specimens in his microbiology lab
  • but ,,,,,,, he’s a theory person,,,,,,he wants to help doctors figure out why someone is sick and then the doctors can treat them
  • taeyong is a-ok being behind the studying and lab work,,,,not on the front lines
  • which is baffling to most people because taeyong puts effort into going unnoticed but,,,,it’s Impossible to not notice him
  • even in his lab coat, thick framed glasses, and the usual perfectly bland outfit of black jeans and a button down,,,,,,someone might be like haha what nerd
  • but,,,,,,,one look at his face and it’s like WOAH WHAT 
  • and countless times on his way to his internship or when he’s out getting lunch wtih jaehyun and ten people will be like excuse me,,,are you a model? a site model? a idol? are u on some tv show?
  • and taeyong seriously doesn’t get why he gets asked this so many times,,,,every time humbly apologizing that he’s not the person they’re looking for and getting a little anxious when people are obviously taking photos of him
  • like the amount of times jaehyun has literally had to get up and sit in front of taeyong so people wouldn’t be noisy is insane
  • and the amount of times ten has started an argument on taeyong’s behave is even more because ten is always like taEYONG YOU HANDSOME FRIEND OF MINE I GeT THAT u R BEAUTiFUL but WhY DO peOPLE JusT DISREGARD UR prIVAC-
  • and taeyong always has to calm ten down but all of their friends agree that it’s super weird and gets out of hand
  • but taeyong is too nice to shut it down himself,,,,,so most of the time he slips on those glasses and a hat when he goes out and avoids looking people in the eyes
  • johnny once came over to his dorm and was like “bro i got you this wig. wear it if things get too creepy.” unfortunately the wig was the bright color red and mark was like hey johnny i know ur a senior and all but,,,,,,is ur head in the game,,,bro,,,please,,,
  • is the designated mom of his dorm’s floor because he has evERYTHING on hand from extra chargers, to a first aid kit, to pain killers
  • and every time someone comes into his room (taeyong begged for a single bed,,,,roommates can get a Bit) they’re always amazed at how a boy in college keeps his room sparkling clean
  • and i literally mean sparkling his bed sheets are white, his desk is completely free of everything except his laptop and a cup to hold pens in,,,,,his closet is organized by color: white, black, grey, and brown
  • and he has a little whiteboard where he writes due dates and everyone is like ur seriously a star student why cant i be clean and organized like u
  • except they don’t understand,,,anytime before finals the clean room turns into disarray,,,,,like taeyong literally pulls all his covers off the bed and takes power naps at his desk only to wake up with post-it notes stuck to his face
  • and when finals are over he goes on a cleaning spree in which he offers to do the laundry for everyone on his floor because it calms his nerves
  • he’s a sweet, polite, hard-working kid tbh with the face of an actual god which makes some people think he’s stuck up when he’s the absolute least from it
  • like taeyong is that kid that tutors his seniors for FREE in subjects they should be tutoring him in like what an angel?????/
  • anyway you’re taking organic chemistry with him this semester but the only problem is ,,,,,,you transferred in the middle of the year and therefore are completely falling behind
  • to the point where you don’t even care about saving your grade because no one wants to help and the teacher is super like “well,,,,,,,,,,do it urself im not doing it for u” kinda stick up their butt situation
  • so u start skipping class
  • because everything else ur doing fine in,,,,u have people sharing notes and teachers who get ur situation but organic chem????? the Devil
  • until one day as ur standing in line at the school cafe and u feel a tap on ur shoulder 
  • and u turn around to see this guy,,,,,who u know but ur not sure from where until he’s like “taeyong,,,,im in your organic chem class.” and you roll your eyes at the name of that class but then ur like sORRy,,,,,it’s just that class is so,,,,,
  • and he’s like “ive noticed you’ve stopped coming,,,,,is the material too hard?”
  • and you kind of are taken aback because this chem class isn’t ,,,,,,small it’s a lecture hall full of like 150 people and he noticed,,,,,,you?
  • but you shrug not wanting to come off like ,,,,, obvious and ur like “i transferred and a lot of things didn’t make sense,,,,so i gave up? ill just retake the class next semester.”
  • but taeyong frowns and for a moment you think to yourself: how does someone still look so attractive frowning wth
  • but ur like “it’s whatever, it can’t be helped.” but taeyong is like ,,,,,,,if,,,,if you still want help,,,,,,i can help you
  • and for a moment you’re gonna laugh because there’s like four weeks left of classes,,,,,,the only way to save your grade is to ace the big course final
  • but taeyong seems to fidget a bit when u don’t answer and he goes “b-but if it’s weird,,,,if i seem we,,weird,,,,,,im sor-”
  • and you’re like no no it’s not you,,,it’s just,,,how can u teach me so much in so little time ?? it’d be a lot of work on ur part and we don’t even know each other?
  • but taeyong seems unfazed by the amount of work,,,,tbh he smiles a little when u mention how it’ll take hard work and u dont know because ur new to the school but it’s because every1 always tells taeyong he does too much and works too hard,,,,,but to him it’s all fun like he has fun in his major
  • and he shakes his head and looks at you and again u catch urself sinking a little into his dark,,,pretty eyes and he’s like “im in ,,, if you’re in.”
  • and the line has moved up and the bored looking girl behind the register asks what you’d like to order and ur like ,,,,, one sec- and she’s like i don’t have time tell me so you say ur order,,,turn back to taeyong and ur like “ok,,,,let’s try.” and he’s like “meet me in the library at 8.”
  • and you watch him give a little bow and turn around and for a moment u cant be really sure that just happened,,,,,,,most people in college dont waltz up to others to offer to tutor them,,,,,
  • but as u pay the girl for ur coffee she goes “don’t try asking taeyong out. he never dates.” and ur like ????? what a guy like him definitely has a significant other????? right?????
  • so 8pm comes around and u bring a fresh notebook and the textbook u bought for the class and find that u dont even have to look for a seat because u can see taeyong already at one of the tables
  • and he’s got his lab coat over his chair,,,,his laptop open with some charts up and a heavy looking medical dictionary ,,,, he looks like a straight up doctor tbh 
  • and u sit down,,,startling taeyong who’s glasses slip down his nose just a bit until he’s chuckling and closing his laptop 
  • and u think how good of a tutor can he be to help someone as hopelessly lost as u,,,,,,,,,,,,but the minute taeyong begins to explain it’s like,,,,it’s like everything makes /sense/
  • nothing is complicated or abstract,,,,and u can’t help but be entranced by his smooth, slightly deep voice and the way he points out keywords and writes down formulas in near perfect handwriting 
  • like everything about him is so Professional he’s like,,,he’s like a professor,,,,
  • and it’s kind of super cute how when u ask him to repeat something he doesn’t get ticked off,,,no he gets excited because it’s obvious,,,,this is something taeyong loves
  • and at the end of ur first study session u feel so much better about everything
  • to the point that u even show up to ur class the next day and taeyong doesn’t look up from his notes,,,,,so u cant say hi but,,,,,suddenly it’s not like the teacher is talking nonsense
  • and every other day taeyong comes to the library to teach u,,,although he moves the time up to 10pm and ur not sure,,,maybe classes or clubs
  • and by the sixth time as ur packing up to leave taeyong goes “i see ur coming to class, that makes me happy.” and u don’t know why but,,,,,,,
  • just saying that,,,,,,,,it,,,,,it makes ur heart skip a beat
  • but u remember the words of the girl from the cafe about taeyong never dating and u itch to ask him,,,,but u don’t want to make this relationship more awkward
  • which is why the only time u do ask is when u end up in another class of urs partnered up with yuta and taeil,,,,two boys who immediately go “you’re the one taeyong is tutoring right?” and you’re like,,,yes??? and yuta scratches his head and is like “for organic chem or for immunology? or wait,,,,he’s giving someone tennis lessons too right taeil??” and ur like wow,,,taeyong sure helps a lot of people
  • and taeil nudges yuta but nods and is like “taeyong is really too nice for his own good,,,,,,,,,,” and u nod and try to focus on the project,,,but taeil gives u this like ???? knowing smile
  • and ur like ,,,, w-whats up and taeil is like “u want to know if taeyong is seeing someone?” and u straighten up because ur like ,,,,, UM,,, no-
  • and yuta laughs into his palm and is like “it’s ok,,,i know taeyong as a fellow pretty boy everyone always asks us that” and taeil rolls his eyes but he’s like “he’s not, he hasn’t dated anyone in college.” and from the shock on ur face yuta can only nod his head and go “i know,,,it shocks all of us,,,,,,hot girls and hot guys and everyone else all the hot people on campus have made moves on him but he just,,,,,,”
  • and yuta throws up his hands in defeat and taeil shrugs and for a second u think,,,,,,,,well what kind of chance to i stand,,,,,,,but u shake it off and ur like “maybe he’s just waiting!! he’s really nice i hope he finds someone.” 
  • and with that u leave after class,,,realizing that taeyong is helping u from the goodness of his heart,,,,,not because he might harbor something towards u,,,,and u need to accept that
  • but what u dont realize is that as u head toward ur dorm,,,,,taeyong is waiting in the library and when u don’t show up,,,,he goes into a panic
  • and the next day in organic chem he comes rushing up to
  • and for the first time his perfect face is scarred with worry and his hair is a mess and he looks like he hasn’t slept and he’s like,,,,,a,,,,are you ok?? and ur like yes wh- and he seems to calm down and even get embarrassed a bit as he steps back and is like “wi-will you come to the library tomorrow??” and ur like ofc omg 
  • and as ur trying to concentrate,,,u look over to see taeyong dozing off,,,,something he never does,,,,and u wonder why he didn’t sleep
  • and when u go for tutoring taeyong seems a little more reserved,,,,like usually if u make a joke he’ll laugh or if ur fingers brush it’s nothing
  • but now it seems like he’s keeping his distance,,,,,a bit more than usual and u want to ask if something is wrong,,,,,
  • so when ur done with the problem set he has and he gets up almost as if he’s in a hurry,,,,ur reach out and ask him if he’s ok and taeyong,,,looking down at your hand on his wrist ,,,, mumbles that u didn’t show up to tutoring so he thought he’d messed up but u explain that it just slipped ur mind,,,,,,taeyong could never do something wrong
  • and taeyong,,,,looks up at you and smiles just a bit and he’s like “if i do do something wrong,,,please tell me and ill fix it.”
  • and,,,,,,,like,,,,,,,,the pureness of his voice,,,,the way he’d gotten so worried over you,,,,,it makes your heart burst because where else could someone find such a damn near perfect boy
  • and before you can think and stop yourself from speaking you ask; “the final is in a week,,,,,after,,,,,would you want to go out?”
  • taeyong seems to need a moment to register what u mean,,,,but when he does,,,,it’s like all the heat in his body has rushed up into his face and he stutters over an answer until he just goes “im sorry,,,,,,,” and that’s enough for you to get the hint
  • you apologize at least ten times and ur like thIS is awkward,,,ill go and make a dash for the door as quickly as possible
  • because everything is so damn EMBARRASSING and ur like WHAT WERE U THINKING @ yourself the whole time u go to your dorm
  • and for a good hour u just lay down with ur head in ur pillow like gkhdlfjssdf whY DID I OPEN MY MOUTH
  • but taeyong,,,,,who also gets to his dorm just sets down his laptop and tries to think himself,,,why,,,,,,,why did he say im sorry?? when he wanted to say yes,,,,,
  • and the week goes by and the final comes and goes and at the end u want to ball ur eyes out because well one that final was hARD AS HELL but thanks to taeyongs help u feel like u did decently,,,,,but also the whole time u couldn’t help but look over at taeyong and not once,,,,,,did u guys cross eyes
  • and ur convincing urself that he’s forgotten about it,,,,,about you and helping you,,,and every night u spent in the library getting closer and god dammit if u hadnt gotten all worked up over him saying he was worried thiS wouldnt have happened
  • until you walk right into someone and they’re like “woah! watch yourself” and you look up to see the familiar face of taeil and ur like oh right whoops we got an A on our project did u get the email? and taeil nods but he’s like “more importantly,,,,,,,,hows taeyong?”
  • and ur like ?????????/ idk im not his frie-
  • and taeil is like ur not??? taeyong literally tutored u right after his internship for four weeks straight sacrificing his time for u and ur not even friends? doubt it
  • and ur like wait what
  • and taeyong is like yEAH why do u think u had to meet so damn late the poor guy had a class load + an internship in a lab + tutoring and believe me as kind as he is,,,,,,he wouldn’t go to such lengths for a stranger
  • and u can’t believe it,,,,like at all,,,,,,but u feel like such an asshole and ur like “do u know where-” and taeil is like “bus stop near the gym. he should be going there n-” and ur like thANKS SEE U LATER TELL YUTA WE GOT AN A BECAUSE HE NEVER CHECKS HIS EMAIL
  • and as u run u can see taeyong,,,holding his lab coat and his shoulder bag at the stop and u don’t know how much time u have till the bus comes
  • but when u show up in front of him,,,huffing and puffing taeyong immediately worries and tries to offer u his water and ur like no no listen to me 
  • and he’s lie ???? with wide eyes and ur like “im sorry. i never thanked u for tutoring me and we left of on an awkward note and it was sUPER embarrassing but if we could push it aside like i really like u,,,,,,,,but like i want to be ur friend first and foremost because i think ur great and u helped me pass that satanic class and i just didnt know u were staying up so late to tutor me and i just i have a lot more to say but most of all thank you so much taeyong. i appreciate what you did for me.”
  • and u cant believe u had enough breath for all that but taeyong,,,,taeyong is smiling,,,,,,,and it’s the smile that makes his usually stoic, handsome face turn somewhat childish and warm
  • and he puts his hand out to carefully take yours and he’s like 
  • “im happy i could help, but also i,,,,,,,,,”
  • and you think he’s holding ur hand in like ???A friendly way??? but taeyong is literally also shaking??? and ur like is he nervous???
  • but taeyong finally swallows the lump in his throat and goes “but also i don’t want to push what you asked me aside. i,,,,,,,i want to take you on a date,,,,,,,can i?”
  • and you can hear the bus approaching and you can see taeyong’s eyes flash between yours and the road and you know you need to answer
  • but ur like stuck and the bus doors open and taeyong is like “i need to let go but tell me-”
  • and he’s halfway up the steps when you get up into the bus with him and the driver is like ? and you lean up to kiss his cheek and you’re like 
  • “yes,,,,,,,please take me on a date. it would make me really happy.”
  • and the bus driver is like hello are u also getting on and taeyong turns cherry red but he tells u he’ll call - but wait ur number - and ur like oh !! message taeil he has it we were partners and taeyong is like ok!!
  • and the driver is like AHEM but this nice old lady is like “don’t ruin their moment”
  • and basically,,,,you get off the bus and wave to taeyong in the window as it leaves and practically skip back to school because oh my god the undateable taeyong,,,,,,just asked you on a dATE
  • and the date,,,,,,is so simple and sweet 
  • everyone thinks taeyong is some stuck up snob with high taste but nooooope in reality u two go to a cafe that specialize in board games and u guys play monoply on ur first damn date and then some connect four and when u beat him at jenga ur pretty sure he might cry
  • but ur like “taeyong,,,,,,top of ur major and yet,,,,,,,bad at jenga?” and he’s like !!!!!!!! im not rematch!!!!11
  • but u win again and poor taeyong has his head in his hands but he’s having fun and gladly does the penalty (which is buying u guys two more drinks)
  • and it’s like afterwords u learn that taeyong is not flashy,,,,,he takes so much happiness in just walking u to ur dorm afterwords and when u tease him about jenga he just bites his lip and mumbles that it just wasn’t his night tonight,,,,,,
  • and when you lean up to kiss him gently taeyong mumbles against your skin if it’s alright to take u out on a second date and u think how cute,,,,but completely agree
  • and two dates turn into more dates and before u know it u and taeyong are dating with matching couple rings to prove it 
  • which yuta thinks is cheesy but taeil just tells him to shut it and be happy for taeyong 
  • but on a real note taeyong takes dating as seriously as his studies,,,he puts his efforts into making you happy and learning more about you
  • and it’s so adorable when he’ll point something out and be like “it reminds me of you!” and,,,,it’s like,,,,,,,what an observant, caring boyfriend 
  • you tell taeyong once you don’t like this specific kind of fruit so when u guys get a fruit salad he asks if u want him to pick out the ones u dont like and u just laugh and go i can just not eat them!!! and he gets red,,,,but like it’s the sentiment that counts
  • taeyong works most of his week and studies super hard so u don’t get to go out a lot and taeyong apologizes for that
  • but you just hold his face in your hands and tell him that no. his studies come first because it’s his future
  • and once taeyong mumbled that he hopes ur his future too and it made ur heart,,,,,,,,,it literally made ur heart burst and you were like taeyong don’t say things like that and he was like im sorry,,,but why not
  • and u were like because it makes me want to kiss u and u have calculus homework right 
  • people that took pics of taeyong when u go out always just get super long glares from u and at one point u were like “that’s illegal i can sue on behave of my boyfriend”
  • and taeyong was like ,,,,angel it’s ok,,,,,,,but u were like anyone who wants to disrespect him come @ me i will prote-
  • u and ten get along really well just fyi
  • taeyong introduces u to mark and ur just like !!!!!! wow!!!!! so adorable and taeyong is like rIGHT he’s so cute he’s my son and mark is like ??? but both u and taeyong dote on him and sometimes he’s like guys,,,,please,,,,
  • but most of the time he likes it because u and taeyong will cook for him if he asks LOL
  • for someone who hides behind his glasses taeyong sends u selfies whenever he’s with mark because he’s like !!!!!! look how cute
  • but also sometimes he sends some of himself and he’s like ‘i look so bad ive been studying for 4 hours’ but in reality. he doesn’t look bad. he looks like a model. what the heck. what the actual heck
  • taeyong keeps his desk super clean but he’s recently let u put up some photos in frames,,,one of them is his sister ,,, another his parents,,, then one of him and his friends ,,,,,,,and then one of u guys,,,,shyly holding hands under fireworks and it’s cute
  • because before he used to keep everything completely in check but when u doodle a heart on his whiteboard he can’t erase it,,,,he just thinks of u and smiles
  • doesn’t share his hoodies but it’s ok because when u hug him his smell gets stuck in ur clothes and u love it
  • u taught taeyong how to use emojis the right way because when u sent him a bunch of hearts he was like ‘isn’t one enough’ and u were like taeyong no i love u much more than one heart emoji and he was like oh! i should sent more too because i love u so much and it was cORNY but so damn cute
  • his pda is kept to a minimum because taeyong sees intimacy as something very special and he always wants to make sure it’s shared between you and him 
  • and he’ll like it when u take control because taeyong wants to do anything to please u and sometimes u have to remind him that it’s ok for him to indulge
  • and he’ll just shyly hide into ur neck but it’s ok because when u run ur hands down his spine u can hear a low sound from him and it’s,,,,,,hot
  • also loves being kissed on the back of his neck like the nape it always makes him really soft and if he’s overworking himself 
  • ull like come up from behind while he’s hunched over a book and kiss his nape and he’ll completely kind of loosen up and let u drag him out for a snack so he doesn’t die in all his class notes
  • and taeyong tells u after sometime that dating,,,,,and being close to people always worried him because he didn’t know if he could make someone happy
  • but you tell him that he makes u the most happy,,,,even if he has quirks about him and gets excited over math,,,,,that’s so adorable to you
  • like you’re the one person that taeyong should never be scared of hurting,,,,,,because you know how much effort he puts into his work and u know he’d never do anything to harm u or his friends
  • and it’s cute,,,,,,u wait for him to get back to campus after his internship and taeyong is always like !!!!! it’s cold and dark dont 
  • but ur always there and when he gets off the bus he makes u wait till it leaves but then u guys kiss and it’s cute and u laugh against each others lips
  • and although taeyong doesnt like to share his clothes he’ll pull his lab coat over the two of u and be like “kiss me again” and ur like ooo someone is actually more into pda than we thought?? and he’s like shy,,,but also u do kiss him and it’s soft
  • my conclusion is college!taeyong is soft ok everyone please be nice to him

find:

college vixx (here) / college bts (here) / college seventeen (here)
college monsta x (here) / college got7 + amber + kard (here)

Dirty Laundry - Lip Gallagher Imagine

Originally posted by lipgallaghersaysfuckyou

Word Count: 1854

Warnings: Sexual content, swearing… Pretty much what you’d expect from Lip



It was almost time for your quantum physics test. Whistling to yourself, you walked down the hallway of your dorm floor in a t-shirt that was a bit too small and your underwear.  They were the only clean clothes of yours that remained, as you had put the rest of your clothes in the dryer about an hour before.  

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you yelled as you entered the laundry room, noticing that your clothes had been taken out of the dryer by another student and placed on the floor in a soaking wet pile.

“Jesus, not that I mind, but I think there might be some rules against walking around here like that,” a voice from behind you commented.

Spinning around on your heel, you set your dark glare on the blue-eyed boy in front of you who was holding a hamper full of dirty laundry. You recognized him to be Lip Gallagher. You’d bumped into him a few times in the hallway and had seen him at some of the parties you attended, but you had never really interacted with him.  

“Yeah, I’d fucking love to be fully dressed right now but some fucking piece of shit took my clothes out of the drier while they were still soaking wet… and fuck, I have a physics test in fifteen minutes and I can’t miss it or… fuck,” you rambled, your voice starting to break at the end. As your eyes started to tear up, you turned back around so your back was facing Lip.  You hadn’t expected to get so upset, but you had spent so much time studying and the stress was beginning to send you over the edge.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” Lip said quietly as he stepped closer to you, putting a comforting hand on your back.  “Some dick pulled the same shit on me before and I ended up missing the test.  But it looks like you’ve still got a little bit of time.  I can’t promise I have anything that’s going to fit you nicely, but I’ve got some sweats and a hoodie you could borrow for the time being back in my room.  Let’s say I take care of your laundry for you too.  It’s going to be okay.”

Turning back around to face the boy behind you, you raised an eyebrow.  “Really? I mean, you don’t have to, but it would literally mean the world to me,” you mumbled, sniffling softly.  You were taken aback.  The only comments you had ever heard regarding Lip suggested that he was a sarcastic asshole, and here he was putting his life on hold to help you out.

“Yeah, really,” he replied, giving you a half smile before grabbing onto your hand.  “But let’s go… Wouldn’t want you to run out of time.”  Immediately, he began to run down the hall with you behind him, only stopping once he reached what appeared to be his room.  Once you two were inside, he rushed over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of baggy grey sweatpants and a hoodie with ‘Chicago Polytechnic’ printed on the front of it and threw the clothes in your direction.

“Thank you so, so much.  I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you,” you said sincerely, ripping off the shirt you had on and tugging on the clothes he had given to you.  “I’ll come by tonight when I’m done classes to give you back your clothes.  You’re a saint.”  You began to pull the door open.

“Not quite, but not a problem.” Lip chuckled, taking a seat on his bed and waving in your direction.

“Once again, thank you!” you yelled one last time, holding onto the baggy sweatpants so they wouldn’t fall as you sprinted down the hallway and out the door toward your lecture hall.

Much to your surprise, the day had gone a lot better than you had expected it to.  You had made it to the lecture hall with a minute to spare and felt as though you aced the test.  You had received many looks due to your unruly appearance, but it didn’t bother you. You were able to make it to the test fully clothed and on time, and that was all that mattered.

Clearing your throat, you reached up your hand and knocked on Lip’s door.  You had promised to return his clothes to him and you couldn’t wait to thank him yet again.

A few moments later, the door opened and Lip appeared in the doorframe with a slight smirk on his lips, looking you up and down.  “Have you ever considered buying clothes your size?” When you responded with an eye roll, he chuckled and stepped to the side.  “Kidding.  Come on in. How’d the test go, by the way? Did you make it in time?”

Stepping inside, you flashed him a smile and nodded your head. “Yeah, I did.  Felt pretty good about it too,” you commented, leaning against the now-closed door.  Biting your lip, you looked down and started to play with your fingers.  “By the way, sorry if I freaked you out earlier by being so emotional.  It’s just that I’m on a scholarship to be here and if I couldn’t be there to take that test and pass it, I could’ve lost it and I wouldn’t be able to go here anymore.”

“You’re kind of freaking me out right now.” Lip’s mouth twisted into a grin as he sat on the edge of his bed.  “You literally sound like my spitting image.  Exact same thing happened to me about a month ago.  That’s why I was so eager to help… And I also might’ve had a word with the guy who took your clothes out of the dryer once he came back to get his stuff.”  He chuckled quietly and motioned to the chair at his desk for you to sit down.  “Oh, by the way, your clean laundry’s over there in the corner.”

Smiling to yourself, you stepped around him to take a seat at his desk.  “I’m just glad somebody finally understands.  I feel like I’m surrounded by a bunch of rich kids who have had everything handed to them their whole lives.  Where I’m from, nothing ever comes easy.”  A sigh escaped your lips as your leaned back in the chair.

“Jesus, where have you been these past few months?” Lip exclaimed with a chuckle, laying back on his bed.  “Also, did you say earlier that you were going to take a physics test?

Nodding your head, your eyes began to scan the contents on his disheveled desk.  “Yeah, I’m a physics major.  Think I wanna be an engineer or something.  You know, something where I’ll finally be able to make some money.”

“We’re in the same boat there,” he commented, his eyes scanning you as you began flipping through one of the textbooks on his desk. “You know, I feel like I’ve seen you around at parties.  How are you pulling off the whole physics major and partying thing at the same time?”

A smirk formed on your lips as you slammed the textbook closed and stood up, now in front of the side of his bed.  “Hate to break it to you, but you’re not the only one who can be a physics major and still have a good time, Lip,” you teased, glancing down at your phone.  “I should probably get going though.  Got another test to study for.” Looking over at your laundry folded in the corner, you undid the tie on the sweatpants you were wearing.  “Shit, I still have to give you back your clothes.”

The corners of Lip’s mouth twitched upward as he raised an eyebrow at you.  “What do you think this is?  You’re just gonna strip in front of me?”

You rolled your eyes, but you could feel the tension rising between the two of you.  “Please, you act like you mind.”  Leaning down, you pulled the sweatpants down and took a step forward out of them.

“You know, I really don’t,” Lip noted, reaching forward and grabbing the fabric of the front of the hoodie you were wearing and pulling you closer to him.  “In fact, I’m pretty sure it’d be more efficient if I helped you out.”  

Suddenly, you forgot all about the exam you had to study for.  Biting your lip, you slowly sat down on his lap on the edge of the bed and wrapped your arms around his neck.  “Oh yeah? And how would you do that?”

Without another word, he slammed his lips into yours, leaning back onto his bed and taking you with him.  Quickly, he flipped you over so he was on top, leaning down and kissing up your stomach as he slowly dragged the hoodie up your body and over your head. “I was thinking something like this,” he murmured into your skin, attaching his lips to your neck.

A gasp escaped your lips as he began to suck on the skin, reaching down to pull down his pants and boxers, and then watching as he pulled off his shirt.  

“Someone’s a little urgent, hmm?” he teased, slowly peppering kisses down your collarbone until he reached the exposed skin of your breasts.  His lips wrapped around one of your nipples, his hand moving to work on the other breast. Despite his teasing, moments later, he pushed inside of you.

“F-Fuck, Lip,” you moaned out, grinding your hips up into his. Your head flew back against the pillow as your hands found his back, your nails dragging down the skin.

Your response only caused him to start moving in and out of you faster, one of his hands reaching up to grip onto the headboard so he could deepen his movements.

His lips found yours again as he continued, the kiss sloppy but with a sense of passion and urgency.  At this pace, it didn’t take long for either of you to finish.  A few moments later, you moaned out and dug your nails deep into the backs of his shoulders, climaxing and allowing your head to fall back against the pillow.  “Holy shit.”

Lip came moments later, pulling out before rolling off of you and collapsing next to you.  His chest rose and fell rapidly as he tried to control his heavy breathing.  “Wow,” he muttered, rolling over onto his side to face you.

When you were finally able to steady your breathing, you rolled over to face him and raised an eyebrow at him.  “I had planned on saying thank you again, but I’m not sure if right now is the best time.” You giggled softly, biting your lip.

Lip smirked at your comment, his hand reaching out and resting on your cheek.  He started to chuckle as his thumb massaged your jaw, his dazed eyes staring into yours.

“I clean your dirty laundry and all I get out of it is a scratched up back and dirty sheets?  You know, I’m not sure if you’ve fully repaid me.  I’m not done with you just yet.”


———-


Thought I’d switch things up and go for Lip this time.  Once again, let me know what you think! xx

My Enemy’s Woman - Request

Requested by anon:  I would love to read your version of Moriarty becoming interested in the reader (either sexually or just typical Moriarty) and Sherlock gets upset and protective because she’s his girlfriend/fiancé/wife. Flirting, Innuendos, and everything that makes Moriarty the beautiful human that he is

Pairing: Sherlock x reader / Moriarty flirting with reader.

Word count: 1,132

Warning: Sexual innuendos.

A/N: Jim is such a complex character… Feedback is highly appreciated, guys!

Enjoy!

Originally posted by bethereinagiphy

Sherlock had never run faster in his whole life. Not even the pouring rain could stop him; no matter how much he slipped, he would get up and continue to run. The people around him would either move to the side, freeing the way, or be pushed by him. He had to get back to 221B.

The fear, the anxiety, the nerves got over him, taking over the bit of control he had of himself and his own emotions. His hands, forehead and armpits were sweating and his heart was beating faster – and no, it had nothing to do with his current running marathon – without mentioning the fact that he was looking paler than usual.

He was human, after all, and knowing that the one person who could get him to feel, to embrace his humanity, could be in mortal danger was more than enough for him to forget about everything else and act like a regular person would. If it had been someone else, except for John of course, he would’ve acted as chill as possible; but it was (Y/N) and there was no time to play-pretend when it came to her.

It was just one text message, a very simple and annoyed one that made him lose all control. She had sent it, or so it seemed, because Sherlock received it from her phone. It could’ve been a trap, or worse, but that didn’t matter because Sherlock would become even more reckless when she was involved.

If he exploded, if he got murdered, or trapped or kidnapped, it didn’t matter. As long as she was safe… he would go to the end of the world and sacrifice himself to the Gods if necessary.

His fear was such that his whole body turned off the physical sensations, and so he didn’t notice the muscular exhaustion that was caused by him crossing London by foot in less than ten minutes. He also didn’t feel the scrapes on his knees and elbows, as well as that little twist in his ankle. No, all he could focus on was saving (Y/N).

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anonymous asked:

what was your favorite thing about meeting taylor?

OK SOMETIMES I GET REALLY EMOTIONAL WHEN I THINK ABOUT THAT DAY SO BARE WITH ME……
First. She literally walked into the award show and she didn’t even sit down. She was on her phone looking at a picture of my face so she could find me.
Within minutes she found little ole me in the pit area. I still can clearly picture in my mind when we caught eyes and she pointed at me and said to tree “yep! That’s her”
She literally had the biggest smile on her face and her arms open so wide and embraced me with this genuine hug that I had been daydreaming about.
Like I really don’t know how I didn’t pass out because I don’t think I was really breathing.
Then she asked if there were any swifties with me and I told her about Selene and she had tree find her!!!!!
Ok then she wanted to take pictures but I didn’t have my phone with me and she was so funny about getting this random camera guy to take our picture and she promised me I’d be able to find it online that night.
Ok so then I’m thinking about walking back to the pit and she goes “wanna sit down at my table and talk for a little bit”
(AND I SAT IN JUSTIN TIMBERLAKES SEAT)
so we literally sat with her and exchanged stories about our lives for about 30 minutes and I swear she listens to every single word you say. She listens not with the intent to reply but the intent to understand what you have to say and I admire her for that beautiful trait she has.
I JUST REALLY LOVE HER OK AND IM EMOTIONAL AGAIN BUT IM SO THANKFUL FOR THIS EXPERIENCE BECAUSE IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Some eventful days at college

-my best friend was accused of attempted murder by my uni. It was so scary and ridiculous at the same time. We were freshmen. She asked me to witness at court, in the end the charges were dropped.
-me and my other friends trespassed into a morgue. We got caught and the guard let us off with a warning. He told us not to get spooked on our way down.
-kids deadass watching porn on their laptops while the professors do not give a single shit
-there was a bomb threat on the day of prelim exams and everyone was evacuated. The bomb threat was apparently made by a bunch of seniors who wanted to delay the exam dates.
-I forgot to watch the weather while on my way to Uni and I was asleep on the bus. Too sleepy to notice it was storming. The bus got caught in a flood and as I went down, the water reached to my knees. I had to wade through waist-deep flood to go down like four blocks to get home. It was Bad Scoob.
-literally just. Professors showing up to class /reeking/ of weed. One professor swaggered into class and started teaching analytical geometry and everyone was just. Sitting there trying to tell him it was a Marketing Strategies class
-I accidentally joined a one day recreational class on veganism.
- I get this sounds like a Classic ™ Tumblr story but I had this professor who was always an emotional Mess. He showed up to class one day hungover, with his shirt inside out, stained, eyes red, and flip flops.
-he went into class and asked us to turn off the lights. He went to his desk while the rest of us were sitting in silence and the man just. Starts crying. “I don’t even know why I’m crying, guys. I’m sorry. Give me a second to gather myself.” And he slammed his fist on the table. “I hate this class so fucking much.”

We Discussed Taemin At My Winter Break Art School Class In South Africa!

I recently flew back to South Africa because of the music program my school decided to present during our winter break. Usually, we discuss some of the older artists who have laid down the path for newer generations. Imagine my surprise when I walked in on the very first day to see a paused video of Taemin’s solo concert!

For a moment I thought the professor was just a Taemint caught up in watching the video and had forgotten about our class. BUT then he announced that we would be discussing the talent of a KPOP artist he felt was on the level of Michael Jackson as a performer.

He instructed the class to turn their eyes towards the projector screen and played what was actually a compilation of what he felt was Taemin’s best performances to date. Performances that included every single one of the songs Taemin performed at his solo concert, as well as many of his Press Your Number, Danger and Drip Drop stages. We were also treated to Taemin’s performance at the MAMAS as well as his Goodbye stages and music video.

I was probably the proudest person in the room because of the exclamations from a few classmates that already knew of Taemin but even more so at the others that literally couldn’t tear their eyes away from the screen and kept exclaiming how incredible he was. It was a proud day for me as both a Shawol and Taemint. So much so that I really did cry during the videos of his Door and I’m Crying performance.

After the video compilation, our professor explained that he had stumbled upon Taemin when his younger sister was watching a video of SHINee’s Tokyo Dome. He further explained that he found himself sitting down beside his sister just to catch another glimpse of Taemin’s dancing and to hear what he called Taemin’s incredibly unique vocals. Apparently, he found himself watching the entire concert and afterward continued to question his sister about Taemin until he finally found out that Taemin was a solo artist as well. 

The professor then stated that he too had flown out to attend Taemin’s solo concert alongside his sister. He briefly took a detour from Taemin to talk about Michael Jackson who he says greatly influenced his life and he was blessed enough to see perform live all those years ago, but it was what he said next that really blew me away. He said that he had been to many concerts in his life and never before had he felt an aura so exactly the same to Michael Jackson than when he attended the first day of Taemin’s solo concert. To him, Taemin’s dancing and stage presence were out of this world, something he never thought he would experience again after MJ’s passing.

Our class consisted of seven hundred people and each and every single one walked out while searching for more info about Taemin and his songs. My professor touched so many people yesterday and he’s led them all to Taemin. He’ll be giving this class forty more times! Forty classes all consisting of seven hundred people…that’s a lot of people who will finally be able to see Taemin, even if it’s only through a screen.

Taemin’s hopes of becoming a global artist are slowly coming true!

naive - peter parker x reader (part 2)

w/c: 1.1k

warnings: none really?

here is the highly requested second part!! i wrote this in a caffeinated daze at like 3am so i hope it isn’t too terrible hahaha. also it looks like this is definitely gonna be at least 3 parts (maybe more if you guys want that?) so yeah!

fyi some parts of this are slightly inspired by @parkersenses​‘s great fic which u can read here!

PART 1  PART 3

Originally posted by parkery

An old 90’s rap song blasted over the speakers as Peter felt his stomach drop. His eye contact with you was fleeting, and suddenly you were gone, having disappeared with Flash and his entourage upstairs. The people around him were all dancing to the rhythm of the music, but the second Peter saw you, everything froze. He made jokes about you not being good enough for Flash all the time, but he never thought he would ever actually see the two of you together. It sparked a profound rush of adrenaline in him, and he took a big breath of air and pushed through the crowd to follow you.

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ok so i see these all the time so I wanna do one now… so this is my break down of divide


Eraser: I forgot he could rap and I’m shook, “I wish that love was a currency and the whole was wealthy” ICONIC “welcome to the new show” aka buckle up friends 

Castle on the Hill: makes me forget that I do not actually like my small town but reminds me of how much I love my friends, “they raised me and I can’t wait to go home” I’m crying

Dive: I am so here for this!!!!! Honestly I’m speechless, i just love this and the line “Don’t call me baby unless you mean it” YES

Shape of you: I will never get tired of this song, what a bop. Anytime, anywhere, I will go hard to this. I sing it in the shower regularly ngl  

Perfect: The most beautiful. Makes me wanna get married right this second.

Galway Girl: WHAT A FUCKING TUNE I GO SO HARD 10/10 but also does he say he finishes doritos and another bottle of wine??

Happier: going from galway girl to this is emotional rollercoaster. So beautiful and mature

New Man: this lowkey gives me a boyband vibe but in a good way, I love all the dragging and pettiness like I wanna sit down and chat with him about the true story behind this because it seems spicy 

Hearts Don’t Get broke Around Here: makes me feel like I’m in love even though I’m not, also makes me feel like sitting in a field of flowers. So so so so so beautiful. 

What Do I Know: I don’t see enough love for this song. literal definition of good vibes only. “Just remember life is more than fitting in your jeans, its love, undestanding, and positivity” THIS IS SO IMPORTANT

How Would You Feel (Paean): I said this had a John Mayer vibe before I even knew he played the guitar solo bc its so John Mayer-y (which is a good thing, I’m a slut for John Mayer)

Supermarket Flowers: i def thought this was gonna be a love song just based off the title, oh boy was I wrong and oh boy did I tear up

Barcelona: back on the emotional rollercoaster, but this time its going up, this is so much fun! Makes me forget that I’ve never actually been to Barcelona 

Bibia Be Ye Ye: catch me jamming to this but also trying to remember the stuff I learned from high school spanish

Nancy Mulligan: another irish bop what???? i like how he says religion in this song. very theatrical,  like a story time break

Save Myself: another beaut. so so so so powerful. 

Conclusion: I’m either crying or jamming or both. 

2

Soooooo Saturday I met Gareth David-Lloyd…this was quite an adventure I have to say and I just felt like I needed to share my experience and the thoughts going through my mind.  

I totally knew this was going to happen.  I’ve been planning this little trip to Huntsville for a couple of months now and was totally ready to shell out an obscene amount of money to meet this guy.  I just so happened one day to be curious enough to see if Gareth was coming close-by anytime soon.  I kind of figured it would be a stretch, but lo and behold, Gareth was coming to Huntsville.  To my dismay, it was a Doctor Who convention and he was arriving as a Torchwood guest and I literally know nothing about these shows.  I probably watched one episode of Doctor Who a long time ago and then tried a Torchwood episode shortly after my decent into Solavellan hell just because…reasons…

I’ve been planning this, worried because of my lack of knowledge of the Whoverse or whatever the hell people call it, unsure of whether this convention was going to be massive or tiny, and just general freaking out over getting to meet Gareth.  With my print in hand, my boyfriend and I went all the way up to his grandparent’s house just for me to meet this one guy at a convention that I knew nothing about.  

Unsure of how long this convention was going to take, I told my boyfriend ahead of time that he should probably be ready to wait a while.  I had never been to this convention before, but all other conventions I had gone to had a lot of waiting involved.  He ended up having one of his friends that were close by drive 30 minutes over to the mall where this hotel was located so that they could play card games.  I walk in the front door, scared as all get out with this universe that I had no idea about.  

I went up to the marked tables and literally had my badge in hand within 2 minutes.  I was the ONLY ONE IN LINE.  I saw people, sure, but there was like no one around.  Granted, I had gotten there at like 11:30, so the con was already like halfway over for the day, but still!  I expected to wait in line for at least a few minutes.  I looked at the clock and saw that I had apparently prepared too much and was now an hour early before Gareth was supposed to be signing stuff.  UGH!!!  I thought, well, I don’t know anything about this fandom other than Daleks, the phone booth, and then that Matt Smith is apparently the best doctor (I have no idea what who this person is but I apparently know his name), but I guess since I have time to spare I may as well go to the Vendor room and Artist Alley.  I went to where the Vendor room was, literally passing maybe 2 or 3 people.  

This was probably the smallest Vendor room I had ever seen.  There were like maybe 10 tables and was filled with maybe like 20-30 people including the people running the booths.  People everywhere asking me to enter this raffle and do this doohicky and I’m just like “haha no thanks” and walked away nervously.  In under 2 minutes, I had already looked at everything.  In another 2 minutes, I had already looked through the Artist Alley.  I still had so much time before meeting Gareth.  I decided that I should at least go over and see if he was around, I could just sit there and be creepy and stare at him for an hour, worst case scenario.  

I went over to the room where the signings were happening and he was already sitting down doing autographs.  I felt my heart jump in my throat and walked over to him.  Once again, there was no line.  I literally became the second person in line immediately.  I paid the lady sitting next to him, already aware that I was spending another $40 just to get him to sign my print and felt my heart start racing.  Then as the people in front of me left, my hands started shaking.  I started to fumble to get the picture out of the protective thing I bought and he said hi to me.  Dude, you guys, I felt my face burn bro.  That accent was to die for.  Literally, I could have just passed out.  I told him that I was actually a huge Dragon Age fan and really appreciated all the work that he had done.  When I showed him the @nipuni print that I had brought for him to sign, he absolutely gushed over it.  He just kept talking about how pretty it was and then quickly signed it for me.  I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking, but he was just so nice and then shook my hand.  I told him that I had literally no knowledge of Doctor Who or Torchwood and literally just came to this convention to get his autograph.  He was just so cute and I just couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

I’ve gotta do something about vibrating when I get all nervous around people I like.  It’s a sickness and I have no idea what I have to do to get rid of it.  It’s embarrassing and I could just feel myself turning beet red while I was standing in front of him.  It was so bad!!!!

So yeah, that was my ridiculously long and stupid story about what a dork I am and all this trouble that I went through literally just to meet this adorable cutie.  $100 for this like 30 second moment was well spent.

Immediately after this, I started getting sick and am still sick.  Gareth got me sick by being too adorable.  I’ve decided.  Now, I gotta go die somewhere…

|STARVING| A . ANDREWS  SMUT SERIES /PART ONE\

Here we go again.. this series wasn’t requested. I have two more parts coming 

Better sit down and get comfortable because there’s going to be some swinging on the chandelier (not literally ofc) 

Warnings: Not for virgin eyes (lmao just kidding)

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