and i know this because i am in my 30's


And I thought I would have help, but Sookie has Davey, and Michel has Celine, and I’m–I can’t do it all by myself. And I don’t even have time to see my kid, and hell, forget see her, just even talk to her. And I miss her. And I sat there in my parents’ house just listening to my grandmother basically call me a charity case, and I couldn’t even argue with her. I couldn’t even say anything, because I am. I’m running out of money, and I don’t know what to do about it, and I was gonna, I was gonna ask you for $30,000 at dinner tonight. That’s how pathetic I am.


You want to know who I am?  Who I really am?  I’m a god. Titan of industry. Philanthropist.
 Family man,  married to a beautiful woman,  father to a beautiful daughter. I’m the good guy, Teddy. Then, last year,  my wife took the wrong pills. Fell asleep in the bath.                          
Tragic accident. 30 years of marriage  vanished. How do you say it? “Like a deep and distant  dream.”  Then, at the funeral, I tried to console my daughter. She pushed me away,  told me  that my wife’s death was no accident  that she killed herself  because of me   Emily said that  every day with me had been sheer terror. At any point, I could blow up or collapse  like some  dark star.

There’s been a fourth. And there’s something different this time.

Guys. I know some of you are panicking about TLD, and unresolved issues in TST. I fell asleep last night wondering what the hell Mofftiss is trying to do. I woke up at 5:30 am and had an epiphany. I wept for 10 minutes because… if they are doing what I think they are doing, The Final Problem will indeed be insane wish fulfillment and the culminations of love conquers all. I’ll try to unpack TLD and TST and all the callbacks with gifs and text in the coming days to sort out the plot, but I want to get the premise out there - mostly to calm some nerves, start a discussion, and please feel free to run with the idea as well if you agree.

To date, we’ve been told explicitly there are three storytellers in Sherlock: John, through his blog; Sherlock, through his MP; and Jim Moriarty. John’s blog, whether the one online or the one in the show has been our go-to – to learn about the cases, behind the scenes, and what might be hidden between the lines. Sherlock’s deductions, which began in RL in ASiP, then via MP to further our understanding of his reasonings, and then, in S3 and beyond, his emotions. Jim Moriarty revealed himself as the storyteller in TRF, but we all know Moriarty casts its shadow over the narrative as early as ASiP.

So what, you asked?

We already know John’s blog is the version of Sherlock that John presents to the public. In addition, it’s the version of THEIR LIVES HE PRESENT TO THE PUBLIC. In another word, a FACADE. That’s right, a facade. As we bear witness to their adventures, there’s something definitely more than meets the eyes, and dots that don’t quite connect – he knows it, we know it, but none are written or spoken out loud. His blog is another version of the truth (as Lestrade kept reminding us in TLD) – about the cases, and likely, about their lives. What does that tell us about TST and TLD?  

Sherlock’s deductions began as a device for us to understand his reasoning, then it advanced to his MP so we get a glimpse of his beautiful mind; then, his vulnerable heart. We literally witnessed his struggle for love and heartbreak in S3. But what happened before? We saw Sherlock falling for John even if Sherlock himself didn’t realize, yet – as if there’s a virus in the data. He began to sort through the pieces in TLD; yes Sherlock IS the lying detective, but it’s so much more than just Culverton Smith; Sherlock’s mind is lying to himself, and we won’t know what until he does.

Jim Moriarty, Richard Brooks, James Moriarty, Professor Moriarty, or simply, Moriarty. Moriarty is a name; Moriarty is… anyone. There’s a dominant narrative in the stories of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson during the past 130 years, I don’t need to tell you what that is, do I?

If you find TST and TLD confusing, try to unpack the story using these three narrative perspectives. And yes, including the BIG BROTHER in Moriarty camp – anyone, remember that. Forget about the plot or timeline, for now, just LOOK, AND I MEAN REALLY LOOK – Mary did not take a bullet for Sherlock; the weirdness of the whole baby/no baby mystery is a facade (didn’t Mofftiss say the dog ate the baby?). And the scene at the morgue where Sherlock’s being beaten to a pulp? That’s Sherlock realizing what he did to the one man that loved him with all his heart when he jumped off the roof of Barts – yes Sherlock indeed killed John Watson’s “wife”, and he finally realized the extent of John’s grief.

Oh and the fourth? IT IS WHAT IT IS – the story that’s been HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT, and we’ll finally see the missing pieces, the true meaning of insane wish fulfillment. What’s a title for? THE FINAL PROBLEM – no wonder Mofftiss chose the most iconic of all ACD canon. There’s something different this time.

Here’s a word of advice towards something I think I’m finally accepting: never let people bullshit you with excuses. That they’re too busy to ever see you, or that they just forget to respond to 90% of your texts or calls, or whatever. Because that’s crap. We’re all adults and we all have schedules and priorities. But i can tell you myself, when I was working two jobs and had a 7-4 shift at one and then a 5-9:30 shift at the other, the last thing I wanted to really do was go out and see people, after being up at 5:30 am and working till 9:30 pm. But you know what, I did, because I take the relationships in my life very seriously. It can be a coffee break, it can be sitting and talking in the car for 45 minutes, having a cigarette together. The point is you’re making that time because it’s important. Excuses are just another way of people saying “Unfortunately, you don’t mean enough that I would like to take time for you.” But once you realize that, as sucky as it is, you’re better off. You find people who want to make time for you. And not those “friends” that you don’t hear from and/or see for 4 months and then suddenly come back out of the woodwork.
—  Lee Walczak (: 

Me: Okay, finished one route with the best ending. Time to try someone else’s route.
Zen: Jagiya~💕

Originally posted by no-ones-fantasy

tbh I just want someone to hold me, look at me like I’m the best thing that ever happened to them and the best thing that will ever happen to them, and feel their smile against my lips. I want someone to love me and I want to love them back

Day 18… so on fleek!

Tiger blood, positivity, & action oriented are the best ways to describe how I am feeling. I wish the world would give whole 30 a try so they could even begin to slightly understand the effects of the poison food we put in our bodies day in and day out. It’s a strange place to be in right now because I feel like I can be very open with my whole30 tribe, yet I am protective with who else I speak to about the radical changes that I’m experiencing on whole30; for I know the judgement that will ensue simply because others won’t understand, think I am crazy, or in turn feel poorly about themselves (this is the last thing I want to do to someone).

Anywho, my energy levels are at an all time high, I find it difficult to sit down without accomplishing something. Prior to whole30 I would get home, cook dinner with wine in hand, and sink into the couch. Nowadays, I conquer the world and YOU CAN TOO!!

So with all of my energy and motivation, I took a step I’ve been dying to take for a REALLY long time! I signed up with the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, I am going to be a Certified Nutritional Holistic Health Coach, YAY! I couldn’t be more excited to begin transforming myself in order to start helping others be the best version of themselves.

Taking the plunge back into school has been a long time goal and I believe that NOW is my time. A little over 5 years ago, I found myself in a dark place. Fresh out of graduate school, 40 pounds heavier, low self-esteem, depressed, and a life full of toxic unfulfilling relationships. I avoided the scale and just started to settle into “well if I just stay this weight for the rest of my life, I’ll be fine”. I avoided mirrors, deleted “fat” pictures off Facebook, and simply tried to pretend it wasn’t happening. I didn’t workout because when I tried it was beyond discouraging, what do you mean my ex-cheerleader, gymnast, & softball player self couldn’t barely run more than 1 block without dying! I was so unhappy, with no will to change. I figured I was so far gone that it was beyond repair.

I’ll never forget the moment of clarity, I looked at myself in the mirror in the tj maxx dressing room, as the clothes I was trying on didn’t fit and I thought who is this girl and how did it happen. I began to cry happy tears, in a sense, as this was my moment of awareness and change. Mind, body, and soul nutrition became my priority and I was going to get my life back!!! I started eating a 90% raw until dinner diet 5 days a week, only associating with a positive peer circle (these are some of my favorite people in the world now), started practicing yoga, & and pushing myself to workout no matter how difficult it was. I’ve spent the last 5 years of my life educating myself on wellness, experimenting with food and fitness, sharing my knowledge with friends and family, and offering advice to anyone who will listen. I feel incredibly empowered when I help others with their wellness as I remember how I felt 5 years ago to how I feel today! I have so much more to learn and give, and I can’t wait for my new journey to begin! Plus, how serendipitous, after making my school registration official, I pull up to my first meeting of the day, look up, & see this sign….

xxoo – Amy

Four hours, one root canal later on an entirely different tooth and a filling on the tooth that was hurting and I’m finally home.

Also apparently I am some weird genetic mutant who is only 3% of the population who can never get fully numb from anesthetic because of Reasons and this dude has seen it once before in his whole 30+ years of work as an anesthesiologist / root canal specialist.

Who knew?

I certainly didn’t. At least now I have an explanation for why pain treatment never fucking works. I can call my doctor up and let her know.

Oh and no frozen q-tips this time, so that was…an improvement. Also he looked at that root canal and went “the hell is this” so that was…well it’s something.

Also I’m already no longer numb, 15 mins after my last shot. Ha hahaha

It’s fun being an anomaly. 

I’m going to go lie down now.

During my second semester at college I randomly reconnected with a guy I had known vaguely in high school.  We just so happened to both go to the same club meeting, and afterwards hit it off talking about conspiracy theories, memes, and Reddit - you know, typical internet trash stuff.  We ended up walking back to the dorms together and talked until 1:30 AM about all sorts of stuff.  He had always been the “class clown” in high school, and was infamous for being the school’s most charismatic underachiever.  Anyway, we hit it off, he asked for my number, and we texted for a while.  We got together a few times to play video games and eat food, and I found out he wanted to teach English in Japan.  And I got super excited because I was majoring in ESL so I could teach abroad (Japan was on my list, but not top priority).  It was really neat to meet a guy who was into the same things as me, was super cute (by my standards), and wanted to follow the same career path.  But then, of course, things started getting weird.

One day, we were lounging around the student union, talking about Japan.  Then, almost out of nowhere, he launched into an incredibly in-depth explanation about how it’s possible for an adult male to have sex with a 13-year-old girl in Japan by taking advantage of marriage laws, or something.  I was taken off-guard and not sure how to react.  Some awkward laughs later, we moved on.  I tried to brush it off.

A few days later, we hung out at his dorm and watched some anime.  I’m a casual fan of some shows now, but in middle school and high school I had definitely been a squealing fangirl.  Either way, I was enjoying the show, even though it wasn’t what I’d normally watch on my own time.  He seemed to really like the shows with fanservice, which is the exact thing that ruins a show for me.  But I digress.

He had his arm around my shoulders at this point, and I was kinda happy but also kinda nervous.  Then, a girl in the anime show LICKED her “onii-chan’s” bleeding finger, and he turns to me, lifts his finger to my mouth, and says, “I cut my finger, lick it”.  And I was like “ew no” and also dying inside.

Then, the next day, he literally showed me loli porn on his phone.  Like, a manga about an 8-year-old girl having sex with college guys.  "That’s so bad, she’s like 2,“ I said.  He shrugged.  "She’s into it.”

NOW AT THIS POINT, I was starting to think, “hm, maybe this guy is kind of a disaster,” and the whole loli thing disturbed me for obvious reasons.  But because he seemed so cool aside from being a loli-loving shut-in (yes, he admitted to only leaving his room to go to class and hang out with me), I was dumb and ignored his blatant flaws.  We hung out a few more times, but now all he wanted to talk about was anime like Madoka Magica and Love Live!, and the 11-year-old sister from No Game No Life.  Winter break rolled around, and we texted over the holidays.  I got back to school once break was over and texted him, “Hey, we should hang out now that we’re both back on campus.”  He never texted me back.

As it turns out, he dropped out of school over winter break because he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life.  Apparently, he wanted to be a full-time anime blogger.  Found his blog, and it was… amateur.  Like, littered with typos that could easily be fixed with a simple proofread, inconsistent updates, etc.  And now he’s like, a shift manager at the McDonald’s in our hometown or something.  He never texted me again, and I got over it pretty quick.  Looking back, I can’t believe I was able to overlook him being into underage anime girls.  It was weird, though - he wasn’t your stereotypical weeb.  He was intelligent, well-spoken, clever, charismatic, and creative, but his obsession with anime took over his life.  It’s actually kind of sad.

This got, like, really long, so I apologize.  Here’s a quick list of other cringey things he did:

- Wrote on his blog about how all he thought about was anime, how he constantly wished he didn’t need to sleep or work so he could watch more anime, how he blew off hanging out with his friends so he could watch more anime

- Literally asked me, “What’s your opinion on having a boyfriend who likes lolis?” during that first 1:30 AM conversation we had.  Major red flag, I know, but I was a fool.

- Kept making jokes about child porn (not loli, legit child porn) for no reason

- Went on a rant about how cute loli girls with cat ears are

- Brought up Boku no Pico in a public location

- Ate instant ramen without cooking it first

TL;DR: Almost dated a guy who was into lolis, then he dropped out of college to work at McDonald’s and run an anime blog.  Dodged a bullet.

((The real cringe is probably me still being interested in this guy after the first mention of loli porn.))

just realized that I’m a fucking moron and this was nonymous first


1D as boys I’ve met in my 6:30 am commute to school

Niall: the one who high fives, fist bumps or somehow else greets almost everyone in the bus because he knows everyone and everyone knows him. often the loudest person in the bus, telling jokes that can sometimes be a bit problematic but most of the time he’s just genuinely sweet.

Harry: the one with half on his hair always in a messy bun (barely kept together with a purple hair band). always gets on the bus last because he lets everyone go first, then ends up squashed against bus door in the overcrowded vehicle. usually falls asleep leaning against the door, in winter leaving an imprint of his face on it.

Liam: the one who kept sitting next to me every day for almost a year. always asks if the seat is free. always tries to make polite small talk. if any elderly person gets on the bus he immediately offers them his seat, even when there are other unoccupied seats. definitely too good for this filthy world.

Louis: the one in the leather jacket who smokes every morning hidden behind the bus stop. looks like the type of guy you don’t want to be friends with but actually is the only one who talks to the awkward boy who was sitting next to me on the bus for almost a year. always blows the smoke away from anybody who’s near him. i accidentally overheard two of his conversations. both times he was talking about his younger sisters.

3/18/17 - Update of my day lol

Work was a majority of my day. Did most of my steps at work. Customer today were cray cray.
I’m wicked tired it’s almost 11:30pm and I have to be at work for 7 am tomorrow. No gym again tomorrow because of work, but that’s okay, I’ll get a decent workout working.

Had veggie pizza for dinner because fuck it why not. I’m allowed to eat pizza every once in a while. And that’s what my boyfriends brother “made” for dinner lol. It was good as fuck.

Had a slice of banana bread for dessert. My boyfriend aunt complained of being lonely so we drove 30 minutes to visit. Still driving home now.

I know as soon as my head hits this pillow I’ll be put quicker than a damn light switch.

Now that I bored y'all with my little banter of my day (which means nothing to any of all lol).

Back to better eating and more steps tomorrow.

here i am with some interesting bedhead. it’s been a pretty lovely day.

🐌 i slept until like 4:30 p.m. that’s good because it prepares me for my overnight shifts starting tomorrow night. BUT i don’t know how i slept so long because i didn’t stay up that late. maybe like 1:00 a.m. at the latest. i didn’t get a full sleep friday, maybe that’s why.

🐌 my friend karen came over again so we could work on her paper. it’s fun because it primes the pump of my scholarly self and gets me excited to start school in may.

🐌 courtney (bf) also came over and watched college basketball at my place. karen and i were in a sort of party room in my building working on the paper. i alternated between writing and sport.

🐌 karen, who i’ve known a long time, said i always have really good hanging out energy in my living space. like i create an environment especially conducive to hanging out comfortably.

🐌 i’m hanging out and maybe coloring with moo tomorrow. she’s in relationship pain right now and needs to have a light and easy and calming distraction.

🐌 i really do love my life right now. it’s about fucking time. work, school, love relationship, friendships, and mood are finally all pretty good at the same time. haven’t been here in at least five years. really.

Ok guys so here is a super quick post on how to write formal e-mails and it is (as usual) inspired by @studyquill ‘s 30 days of summer challenge 

Also I know most of you started school recently and I am starting next week so you’ll probably need these to mail teachers and staff. I have been using these tips a lot lately because I’ve had to mail a few politicians from my country and believe me, this is useful af. 

  1. Use a “formal” username/address!!!! Ok so we all have those e-mail addresses we created back in 2006 which probably look like “” DON’T USE THEM. Create a new address with your real name and make it look adult. Also, having two addresses is so good to avoid spam on your formal one. 
  2. The subject is actually important. When I mail close people I usually avoid including a subject but please please put one if you are mailing someone important. Just include key words and keep it simple. 
  3. Greet like an adult. We are talking about formal issues here, don’t start your mail with a “hi” or “hey”. Start with a “To whom it may concern” if you don’t know the receipient or a “Dear Mr./Mrs./Sir/Madam/Dr/etc” 
  4. Introduce yourself (if it is your first time mailing the person of course). Start by saying your name, the place where you study/work (if necessary), how you found the person’s e-mail address.
  5. Thank the receipient. Before you state the purpose of your mail you should thank the person beforehand for reading/replying to your mail. I feel like this is a polite way of saying you expect a response. 
  6. State the purpose of your mail. Use indirect questions for this part: “I would like to know if you could…” is a good choice. Remember you should not be making a demand but asking for a favor. 
  7. Close like an adult. Include a phrase like “Thanks in advance” before you end. I don’t recommend phrases like “Yours truly/faithfully” because it sound too romantic in my opinion but there are alternatives like “Sincerely/Best regards/Respectfully”. 
  8. Sign. After you have closed with a nice phrase, include your full name, your job title and the place you work/study at (in case it is necessary, it really depends who you are writing to). You could also include and ID and phone number if you feel like it is necessary as well. Include each category in separate lines, separated by a comma.

“The inn is just falling apart. This has been my dream forever, and I have it, and it’s here, and I’m failing. I can’t handle it. I just spend every minute running around and working and thinking. And I thought I would have help, but Sookie has Davey, and Michel has Celine, and I’m – I can’t do it all by myself. And I don’t even have time to see my kid, and hell, forget see her, just even talk to her. And I miss her. And I sat there in my parents’ house just listening to my grandmother basically call me a charity case, and I couldn’t even argue with her. I couldn’t even say anything, because I am. I’m running out of money, and I don’t know what to do about it, and I was gonna, I was gonna ask you for $30,000 at dinner tonight. That’s how pathetic I am.”
(requested by anon)

Someone I knew for five minutes in middle school and didn’t care for then has decided that we were “close” back then (35 years ago), and has tried to contact me on and off the last couple of years via Facebook and various blogs.

Last night, via Facebook, he bothered a friend of mine and a complete stranger whose sister was in my class. Both of them let me know. And, at 2:30 am last night, he sent me this via Facebook:

“did i ever do u wrong i tried to reach out to u and u act like i done u wrong i thought we was close at school”

Okay. My first instinct is to tell him he’s making me feel uncomfortable and unsafe and to please leave me alone. My second is to continue to ghost because I’ve had stalkers before and the instant you come out of hiding, they’re on you like tar.


idk I kinda feel like shiat and these two dorks  really make me happy so I drew them to release some stress  :                                              ^) (btw the thing that rhys wears was inspired by elizabeth from bioshock )

Older men

Am I the only one who’s genuinely attracted to older men 😭 especially the well kept cute ones. I don’t know , it’s just something about older guys. They treat you with more respect , seem to understand female issues better, take better care of you. Don’t get me wrong , I can see myself with a guy my age maybe when I’m like 30. But all guys in my current age group 20+ repulse me because I know they’re all I’ll intended and bent on wasting my time.

anonymous asked:

What advice would you have for someone on a relatively low budget traveling abroad? I've never left the country before and I've been interested in visiting Paris for awhile

Off the top of my head:

  • Couch surf if you can. I forgot that was a thing (in terms of the website, not the concept), and I got an Airbnb instead, which was $200 I could have spent elsewhere.
  • Set aside money for Ubers, because the metro closes at 1:15 on weeknights and 2:15 on weekends, the night bus is a pain in the ass, and unless you’re going to stay out past 5:30 AM (which you might, but you know) that’s how you’re gonna get home. Paris taxis are outlandishly expensive, and Ubers are relatively cheap in Paris. A taxi last night for about ten minutes and probably around a mile was ten euro, but the Uber from Paris to my Airbnb in the burbs (like seven miles) was $10-15 for Pool and $15-25 for X.
  • While the metro is open, though, always use the metro. Even if it’s over an hour, spending roughly two bucks rather than whatever the Uber is makes it worth it.
  • Get cash and exchange it at the airport. Your card will probably work, but it’s also going to throw on extra charges, especially if you use ATMs at all.
  • Go on Amazon and order a cheap pack of adapters, because they’re way more expensive anywhere else, and you need to charge your phone and what not.
  • Check what the deal is with your cell plan’s international roaming if you’re on a network like Sprint or T-Mobile where you can’t just get an international SIM. International roaming can be expensive depending on what your plan is (mine, for example, has free texts and cheapish data but calls are twenty cents a minute). Otherwise, get an international SIM, there are some crazy cheap deals on those that I wish I could have taken advantage of.
  • Google Maps, under its restaurant suggestions, has a “cheap eats” category that will help you.
  • Don’t eat at sketchy buffets and then drink absurdly strong punch.
  • Crepes and croissants are a great way to eat cheap. Also, you can drink in public, so before going to bars, you can get a three or four euro bottle of wine and chill with a friend or two by La Seine or in a park or some shit and drink it.

back then i thought i’d be with him, because i didn’t love him, but he said he loved me, and that was enough. or i was pretending it was enough.

back then we believed we’d make it out with our teenage loves. i wrote poems about it. a pretty good story. 

you tell me over chinese food that you never knew that i was sad, even then. it’s hard to tell, you say, like how it’s hard to tell when i’m drunk. because i’m good at concealing things. or i’m just so used to things. 

the story doesn’t have me in it. it’s about being sad. in the end, everyone is happy, and i am missing. am i dead here, on this plane that my words created? or was i just absent. you know i expected to die by now, really. i predict my own death at 30.

i was gone from the story. lo and behold. everyone gets their happy ending.

in the now times, where my makeup is better and i work out and i don’t tell people about anything personal, i shrug one shoulder and pluck a noodle up. it’s hard to tell, sometimes, i say. and then i change the subject.

my writing has all been happy. i’m nowhere in it.

guess who watched kamen rider

hey y’all it’s kat @powerprincesses’ birthday on MARCH 24TH (but since that’s movie day, i’m giving this to her early) and i, being the dutiful-slash-whipped wife that i am, thought i’d do something special for it and i was like, well, pearl, you’ve already written her shit for the past two years, why not do something different?

so i watched an entire fucking series of japanese power rangers: bug eyes edition for her. can you believe that? me??? watch kamen rider??? i know

but here i am on the other side of kamen rider decade which i watched because a) he’s pink b) kat loves it c) it only has like 30 episodes thank god and d) he’s pink

i have great decision making-skills. anyway below the cut are all my honest unfiltered thoughts on what kat pitched to me as “kamen rider megaforce”. fair warning, it’s long, with pictures, and tailored for kat. read at your own risk.

Keep reading