and i know its going to have something to do with dean

5 Reason’s Why Supernatural is the Gayest Show on Television (That’s Still Stuck in the Closet)

To start with, I’m not delusional.  I’m fully aware that the studio and execs have settled into a comfortable pattern with Supernatural, and especially considering it’s heavily mixed demographic (interestingly, it was ranked a favorite among republicans and democrats in 2016) they’re unlikely to rock the ship with a canonically queer relationship between two of it’s main characters.  

However, it’s important to understand exactly how much queerness is bubbling beneath the thick surface layer of “no homo:”  from the orgies of male-on-male eyesex to the inspiration for most of its main characters, Supernatural is queer to its very core. 

Here are five (blaring but stubbornly unacknowledged) reasons why:


1.  Dean’s gratuitously bisexual inspiration. 

Whenever someone claims a queer interpretation of Dean is baseless, I’m always happy to direct them straight to his flamingly bisexual source:  Dean Moriarty, his namesake and direct inspiration, a la the novel On the Road.  

Admittedly, I read On the Road and didn’t particularly enjoy it, as I found it to be a somewhat masturbatory reassertion of masculinity for its narrator, Sal Paradise.  Sal idolizes and fixates the charismatic Dean and his promiscuous lifestyle, openly having sex with and impregnating multiple women, and is all around a heterosexual power figure…right up until the point at which Dean propositions a male prostitute.  

Though he’s never shown doing anything gratuitous with male characters (since the book was published in the 1960s, it wouldn’t have been legal to) it’s clear that Dean is very much bisexual, not ashamed of it, and in terms of personality, very similar to Dean.  There are a few key differences (Dean Moriarty, for example, legitimately gives zero fucks about anything, whereas Dean Winchester is secretly a little ball of anxiety with the weight of the world on his shoulders) but it’s clear where Eric Kripke got his inspiration from.

Moreover, Dean Moriarty was in turn based off of the real life bisexual counterculturist Neal Cassady, who among other things had a twenty-year sexual relationship with a male poet.  Here, he is pictured in a Denver mugshot: 

So next time someone tells you the homoerotic subtext of Supernatural exists only in the imagination of rabid fangirls, remember that Dean is the direct descendant of two ragingly bisexual icons.

2.  Castiel (or at least his wardrobe) was also based off of a bisexual character.

For a show so aggressively devoted to a “no homo” interpretation, it has a real propensity to drawing inspiration from queer characters:  everyone’s favorite baby in a trench coat, for example, was modeled after the demon-busting John Constantine from the Hellblazer comics.  Yup, another bisexual.   

Though in true assbutt fashion, his love of men is censored in movie and TV adaptions, Constantine unabashedly swings both ways in paper form – a.k.a. where Kripke found inspiration for Castiel’s look.  Here, we see him platonically receiving a man-hug from one of his bros:

So I’m not saying the fact that two out of three main characters are modeled after canonically queer figures could have anything to do with Supernatural’s gratuitous queer subtext, but y’know.  It might.

3.  Cas himself is sexually complex (and literally cannot be straight.) 

Dean has made reference to the fact that he “doesn’t swing that way” (ironically, both of which times he was literally in the midst of blatantly flirting with men.)  

Cas, however, has no such reservations:  he’s never indicated, vocally or otherwise, a preference towards either gender, so much as outright declaring that he doesn’t give a damn.  

He reacts to male and female flirtation much the same way:  just try and tell me his suspicious glower and Mick wasn’t similar to Mandy the waitress (and try and tell me they both weren’t acting like they’d like to eat him for dinner.)

Moreover, the only time we’ve seen him ever achieve some kind of intimacy with female characters is when they’re literally throwing themselves at him.  Hey, he’s an aesthetically pleasing fellow – or rather, an aesthetically pleasing something.  

Which brings me to my next point that he isn’t really a fellow at all:  Cas not only gives zero fucks about sexual orientation, he also gives zero fucks about gender.  Sure, he’ll spend seven years in the same ill-fitting trench coat, but he’ll also rock a petticoat like nobody’s business.

I’ve discovered that the writer for “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets,” Steve Yockey, is a gay man, which honestly makes it all the more perfect:  not only does it establish the Orlando-esque flexibility (or nonexistence) of Cas’s gender, but it eliminates the possibility of his straightness.  

And I want Destiel to be canon as much as anybody, but am I opposed to Cas being a genderfluid lesbian?  No.  No, I am not.    

4.  Dean can textually be interpreted as bisexual (and probably should be.)

For anyone who questions whether Dean not being straight as an arrow, I’m happy to point out some very canon things that happened on the show:

(Examples courtesy of @some-people-call-it-tragic!)

And yes, when feeling threatened, he’s professed not to swing that way.  But you know how many queer people I know who have at one point felt compelled to lie about our sexual orientation?  Every single one.  And I live in the bluest of blue states – Dean was raised in Bible Belt America and spends most of his time in the Southwest.  Not to mention the fact that he was raised during the heat of the AIDS academic.

In other words, he has every logical reason to be wary at the prospect of coming out of the closet, or even acknowledging same sex attraction at all.

Moreover it’s been canonically established that Dean has a habit of lying about himself to protect his image of masculinity:  according to Dean, he doesn’t do shorts, chick flicks, cucumber water, skinny jeans and sunglasses, and Taylor Swift music.  You know how many of those things he loves?  All of them

Finally, not every member of the cast or crew might agree (though I know for a fact that some of them do) but their interpretations do not effect textuality.  And Dean can textually be interpreted as bisexual.  

5.  Dean and Cas make a better couple than any of their love interests.

I’m going to state something I feel is obvious:  Cas and Dean have more buildup, tension, chemistry, emotional connection, and romantic history than literally any of their other interests.  

Take Lisa, for example:  she’s Dean’s longest lasting introduced as female partner, and she’s introduced as the “bendiest weekend of his life.”  

Furthermore, I’d argue that sexual attraction notwithstanding, Dean was never romantically in love with Lisa.  To him, she epitomizes his desire for a mother figure, a home, and his lost childhood, as is best demonstrated in his fantasy from “Dream a Little Dream of Me:”  Lisa isn’t a seductive or romantic figure here – she’s a maternal one. 

Though since Dean has never had a long lasting relationship (or, to my belief, been completely in love with a girl) it’s easy to see how he’d misinterpret these feelings as romantic love. 

Then we have Cas, who’s introduced by pulling Dean from the depths of hell, who makes most one-on-one scenes with Dean look like a soft core porno, and who recently (canonically!) declared his love for Dean.  

I don’t dislike Lisa, but it’s easy to see which of the two relationships is more three-dimensional, more original, and more worthy of screentime.

Be My Boyfriend

[ao3]

“Dean, be my boyfriend!” Castiel hissed.

Dean’s attention was pulled away from Charlie (who snorted into her drink) when Castiel grabbed his arm.

“Uh,” Dean said, feeling like he was missing out on some vital information. Castiel’s wide eyes were a little too bright and his cheeks were flushed with pink, indicating that he was probably a little bit drunk, though that still didn’t help clear up the situation.

“Come here!” Castiel dragged Dean by the arm across the crowded room until they stood in front of a short brunette who Dean thought was named Meg. Castiel wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist and squeezed him to his side.

“I told you!” he told Meg triumphantly. “I have a boyfriend!”

Meg looked Dean up and down incredulously. “You’re dating Dean Winchester?”

Starting to catch on, Dean put a possessive arm around Castiel’s shoulders. “Yeah, he is. Got a problem with that?”

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Friendship Comes First:  What (Good) Fanfiction Can Teach Us About the Romantic Subplot.

I love all forms of storytelling:  television, books, movies, you name it.  As long as it’s quality, its ripe for the picking.  

It’s so easy for me to become engrossed in the lives and psychologies of fictitious characters, to care for them as though they’re people I really know.  Which, on some metaphysical level, I suppose is true, but that’s a topic for another essay.

However, in the midst of all my possibly Asperger’s-fueled hyper-fixation and nerdery, there’s one inevitable aspect of seemingly every plot to which I will almost always role my eyes and click the fast-forward button:  the goddamned romantic subplot.

So many times have I seen the exact same variation of romantic love between fifty homogeneous couples, and each time, I failed to see the appeal:  in books, the smirking, obnoxious male love interest will woo the object of his desire through flagrant disrespect, the same toned bodies will copulate furiously on my television screens (typically at the exact same moment my parents or small siblings will walk into the room), the same vapid, flirtatious stares and generic dialogue will be exchanged. 

But where’s the basis for it?  Yes, these people are stressed to be attracted to one another to the point of obnoxiousness, but do they even like each other as individuals?  Are they even friends?  Is there any three-dimensionality to their relationship besides sizing each other up and deciding to bump uglies? 

Simply and also sadly, the answer is very rarely.  And so, it seemed to me that romance was not my cup of tea, both in the fictitious world and out of it.  Or so it seemed.  

Because it was then, at approximately seventeen, that I discovered a remarkable phenomenon that would change my life forever:  fanfiction.  

Never before had I been so enraptured in the relationships of fictional characters, and I was baffled as to why.  Yes, I’ve read a tremendous deal of fanfiction that is, in fact, book quality, but as an avid bibliophile, I was perplexed as to why I’d never been so captivated by the romantic endeavors of a published author as I was by the passion-projects of writers not much older than I was.     

After a lot of time, careful consideration, and the illuminating words of some of my fellow bloggers, however, I believe I can finally put words as to why. 


1.  Give your characters a narrative purpose (besides being The Love Interest.) 

Do you ever wonder what inspires Supernatural fans to tirelessly churn out fics about their favorite human-on-angel pairing?  I have, and this is someone who’s a proud proponent of the stuff.  

The sheer magnitude of free literature available, constantly repositing the pair in all manor of situations and walks of life, is absolutely baffling, and undeniably impressive.  Indeed, some of the best works of romantic literature – and yes, I do consider fanfiction to be a form of literature – I have ever come across were starring none other than this specific pairing:  from the infamous Twist and Shout (which I don’t recommend if you ever want to listen to Elvis Presley music, visit a beach, or feel joy ever again) to the charming Have Love, Will Travel (probably my personal favorite), some truly beautiful love stories have blossomed from a pairing that has never even been confirmed onscreen to have romantic connotations.  

Perhaps just as baffling is the other end of the spectrum:  Lisa Braeden.  Lisa, for those unfamiliar, is basically posited as the love of Dean’s life, with whom he lived for a year before being forced to give up his dream of a family life and return to full-time demon busting.  They’ve canonically kissed, had sex, shared a bed, and everything typically associated with an onscreen couple.    

Yet comparatively no fanworks exist about them.  When Lisa does appear in a fic, she is usual Castiel’s rival for Dean’s affections, or simply a hapless bystander. 

Why is this?  Well, a disillusioned observer might point to straight women’s apparent predilection towards fetishizing male homosexuality (I, for the record, am not straight myself;  I’m a proud bisexual who, thus far, has only dated women.)  I’m inclined to retort that this isn’t giving female fans nearly enough credit. 

For starters, remove all context from each relationship and examine them with a critical eye:  on the one hand, you have Castiel, Dean’s angelic savior from forty years in perdition.  Castiel is clearly fascinated with Dean, appearing in his bedroom, somewhat suggestively (advertently or otherwise) inquiring about his dreams, watching him sleep, routinely invading his personal space, and ultimately rebelling against heaven in accordance with Dean’s wishes. 

On the other hand, you have Lisa, a perfectly nice character who’s introduced as “the bendiest weekend of (Dean’s) life” and…well, that’s about it.  She’s later shown as a sort of amalgamation of Dean’s subconscious desire for a mother figure and normal life, but she, as a character, remains somewhat underdeveloped and hollow. 

You can’t expect fans to hold the two relationships to the same caliber and then cry internalized misogyny and fetishization of gay and bisexual men when they don’t.

The fact of the matter is, onscreen “friendships” are typically much more developed, much more three-dimensional, and much more ideal of what a truly epic romantic plot should be.  A character with a clear place in the narrative and three dimensional characterization all their own will almost always be more charismatic than a character who’s introduced as exclusively The Love Interest.  

This is not to say that what makes fanfiction so great is that it sexualizes or romanticizes friendship.  In fact, I’m inclined to believe it’s the other way around.  

Which brings me to my next point…

2.  Make sure your characters are friends.

It’s a romance for the ages.  A love like no other.  They’re soulmates, yin and yang, a match made in the stars.

But do they enjoy each other’s company?  Laugh at each other’s jokes?  Take part in each other’s interests?  Are they even friends?  

The sad fact of the matter is, romance and erotica are, as a whole, starved for values of friendship and camaraderie. 

This is something I realized only after my love of fanfiction took root, when I tried to return to my normal sources of adult entertainment (romance, erotica, and porn) and found them, by comparison, almost bafflingly lacking in warmth and camaraderie.  

What I think makes fanfiction so addictive is the fact that it’s built upon the established relationships of two or more characters (the Onceler and company notwithstanding) who, typically, care for one another as friends and compatriots.  

Look at some of the internet’s favorite pairings:  Dean Winchester and Castiel remain a classic.  Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers are always crowd-pleasers.  Kara Denvers and Lena Luthor are seeing a rise in popularity.  We all know Sherlock has somewhat fallen from grace, but the union of its two main characters still retains a devoted following.

This is no accident:  despite lacking onscreen confirmation, these characters have proven themselves to care for one another as more than objects of their sexual desire.  They’re friends, with relationships based in loyalty and warmth that are, unfortunately, sorely lacking in typical fictional romances.  

Once you get a taste of this brand of friendship-infused romance, in fanfiction or otherwise, it’s hard to go back.  

This isn’t just limited to quote-unquote “fanon” couples, either:  couples such as Mulder and Scully, Bones and Booth, Yuuri and Victor, and Ladybug and Chat Noir can all attribute their popularity to this strong basis in friendship, camaraderie, and mutual respect.

This is also the leading cause as to why the formerly booming 50 Shades franchise, and other arguably sexist, abusive dynamics, are struggling at the box office.  

Which reminds me… 

3.  Make sure your characters are equals. 

Unless you’re writing a Lolita-esque social commentary, it’s probably your best bet to keep your characters on fairly equal ground. 

I mean this in every sense of the word, too:  I have a difficult time getting invested in a romance when there’s a pretty blatant power imbalance, which oftentimes occurs due to the implicit sexism of the entertainment industry.

Disproportionately young actresses are assigned as love interests to much older men, such as Emma Watson’s twenty-something-year-old character lusting over a man almost twenty years her senior in Irrational Man.  

Physically mediocre or average-looking male characters are frequently pared with stunningly beautiful women who like them because they’re “nice,” fueling the existing mentality of all self-proclaimed “nice guys” who think society owes them a hot girl.

Furthermore, @popculturedetective just released an amazing video explaining the “Born Sexy Yesterday” trope, in which hopelessly naive, beautiful women are seen swooning over their more savvy male lovers.  (Found here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=0thpEyEwi80)

I love Splash and the Fifth Element as much as anybody, but both films incorporate all these tropes in ample proportions, and it’s frankly ridiculous. (On the topic of Splash, however, I’m greatly looking forward to a subversion of this trope in its remake, starring Channing Tatum as the titular merman and Julianne Belle as his human love interest.) 

On the other hand, you have fanfiction.  I’ve read numerous essays professing that fanfiction is becoming increasingly popular due to the fact that same-sex relationships tend to be implicitly devoid of these sex-based imbalances, and I’m inclined to agree.  

However, I’ve read others stating that male-male pairings tend to be so popular because male characters are typically more well-developed by writers, making it perfectly understandable that fans would be more invested in a possible romance between two characters of equal multidimensionality (see point 1) than one that is sorrowfully underdeveloped.  I’m inclined to think that this theory is even more on point.   

Because look at some of the successful onscreen relationships I listed prior:  we root for Bones and Booth’s inevitable union the same way we swoon over slowburn fanfiction, delighting in Mulder and Scully’s banter and craving their interaction.  

These are, in my opinion, some examples of straight couples done right, because they’re portrayed as friends (see the previous point), and just as importantly, as equals.  

Last, but certainly not least, the male characters in both pairings are depicted as having nothing but respect for their female compatriots, depending on their intellectual know how and not being ashamed to say so. 

A more contemporary example that gets this wrong?  Well, not to offend any fans of the pairing, but Mon-El and Kara, a la Supergirl.  Mon-El was, at the beginnings of his arc, consistently disrespectful towards Kara, putting her down and insulting her in the very same episodes in which her female compatriot – Lena Luthor – is shown vocally admiring and praising her.  

Mon-El has since improved on his behavior, but the damage is done:  I still have a difficult time seeing him as a likeable character, much less a suitable love interest for my beloved Kara.   


These are just a few recommendations, based on the ways in which my somewhat obsessive love of transformative literature (i.e. good fanfiction) have helped me as a writer and helped me view the implicit problems with mainstream romance with a more discerning and critical eye.

Here, I could provide a counterpoint with the recurring problems I’ve noticed in fanfiction, or I could go into some recomendations for writing explicitly gay and lesbian relationships.  Both of these, however, are topics worthy of another essay.

Disclaimer:  I am assuming that any and all readers are trying for an enjoyable, healthy romantic subplot with equally charismatic, consenting, and likable characters.  Dysfunctionality can be just as interesting from a literary standpoint, but again, this is a topic for another essay.


There will be essays like this published at least once every other week, so be sure to follow my blog and stay tuned for future writing advice and observations! 

The Five Times You Encounter Dean Winchester

Word Count: 2,914

Warnings: Drinking. 

A/N: I missed writing Dean, so this happened :) Hope y’all enjoy! Let me know ^^ 

Originally posted by out-in-the-open


Five Years Old
There is a new kid in your kindergarten class. He’s quiet, has freckles all about his tiny face, and wide green eyes. He stands next to the teacher as she introduces him to everyone and you smile widely when you realize that the only open seat in the classroom is the one next to you.

A new friend and you’re thrumming with excitement as he takes his seat next to you.

“Dean!” you exclaim, making him jump.

Keep reading

Worth

Canon ‘verse Dean and Cas talking about feelings

read it here on AO3!

“Cas, I just - I don’t think we can do this,” Dean says.

And Cas, sitting beside him in shotgun, tastes loss in his mouth. He stares straight ahead.

He’s been waiting for this, if he’s honest with himself. It was too good to be true. He and Dean have been - things have been different between them, recently. They’ve been saying more, showing more. It’s been filling a part of Cas that he hadn’t even understood was aching and empty, until suddenly it wasn’t.

But now…

“It’s - you know, we got jobs to do,” Dean says. Outside, the night rolls past. They’re driving home to the bunker, shopping bags in the back. The trip was domestic, even sweet; but at the check-outs, Cas saw Dean’s face. He’d known that something was shifting. He’d known that there was trouble to come.

“Jobs?” he manages.

“Yeah, Cas, jobs. We got the world to save. Half the time we’re throwing ourselves under the bus so it won’t drive off the cliff, and that’s good, because the bus won’t crash, but…” He pauses; Cas says nothing. “But - God, Cas, it’s so much harder to throw yourself under the bus when you got someone out there who makes you think you shouldn’t have to.”

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Supernatural Preferences: When You're Pregnant

Sam: As soon as you found out, you began plotting how you were going to tell him. Of course he noticed the slightly different things you did, resulting in him pestering you to see what’s wrong. After you told him the news he began prepping for the baby immediately. Regardless of the fact you two had nine months to get everything ready. Guess excitement overtakes people’s senses.

Originally posted by cheerfulsammy


Dean: The minute-no the second you told Dean, he began to treat you as though you were going to explode. Taking junk food from you because “it could hurt the baby”. Not letting you lift anything. Barley even a book or glass of water. Once you started to show more and more he refused to hug you…or even sleep in the same bed with you once you further progressed because “what if I roll over onto you?”, even though he never had before. Luckily for you, once the baby was born he directed all that paranoid attention to the munchkin.

Originally posted by heytheredeann


Castiel: It’s no surprise that he found out before you did. He was in a state of complete shock and awe from the second he heard a second heartbeat lingering inside of you. At first you thought it was cool or adorable how he could check in on you. That was until he was doing it every other hour to make sure nothing was wrong. It only got worse when the little being inside of you grew to be bigger. Any movement you made, or small noise at the feeling of a kick in your ribs, Cas had to give you the full examination. Sooner or later he realized that everything was going to be fine and he could stop worrying so much. That didn’t happen until a week before your due date.

Originally posted by pinkman


Crowley: From the moment you told The Boy King about your little gift, he had a certain change in him. Whether he saw this as father redemption or was just filled with happiness, you couldn’t tell. The most overprotective he got during your pregnancy was not letting you leave Hell without him. Which was understandable, so you didn’t really put up a fight. Carrying the King of Hell’s child had its perks. Like food whenever you wanted it, and whatever you wanted. Anything you asked for, demons would scramble about trying to get it as quickly as possible. It was really something funny, watching them trip over their fear of not being fast enough. Of course your new little munchkins first outfit had “The prince/princess of Hell” labeled on it. That one you didn’t really have a say on.

Originally posted by lucifersagents


Lucifer: It all started when he sat straight up in bed and just looked at you with furrowed eyebrows. Just when you thought your life couldn’t change anymore, it did. On so many levels. Honestly it was really weird knowing that all of Heaven and Hell knew you were with child before you even had a clue. The fact that you had Angels hell bent on killing you, but mainly the baby, didn’t really help with the whole pregnancy stress level chart. As if it wasn’t stressful enough having a human growing inside of you. But Luce was by your side 24/7. Always keeping the Angels or anything that meant to harm you far away. Somewhere between all the baby assassins and pregnancy hormones, the two of you still had time to have a somewhat normal upcoming. Anytime a kick or a movement was going to happen he knew. And he’d be right there to witness it.

Originally posted by devoiddean


Gabriel: Never had you thought that Gabe and his trickster tendencies would be something you would appreciate. That was until it came handy to have to help hide you from those who meant to cause your unborn child harm. Most of your pregnancy wasn’t spent fighting some war against those who intended to harm you. It was spent fighting another war over what the babies name would be. First idea Gabriel had was “Little Ass Kicker” because for some god awful reason that made sense. Obviously you weren’t about to call any child of yours that, but he was persistent. “What about Lak?” He would ask while you were just about to drift off to sleep. “Lak? The hell kind of name is-…it stands for Little Ass Kicker doesn’t it?” There was no way around it. He’d go to pretty lengthy extents trying to get you to say yes just once so it’d be official. Like rubbing your back for an hour. Or getting you a shit ton of the food you were craving. Long story short…you gave birth to a Little Ass Kicker…

Originally posted by devoiddean

Everyone is always going on and on about how unobservant Harry is.

But I like to think it was a product of growing up neglected; learning to be noticed as little as possible, and spending basically his entire life in the wizarding world facing off against evil.  So its not entirely that at his core he was unobservant but that he had learned it, because he had learned growing up to take up as little space as possible, both emotionally and physically.

So to Harry it became second nature to not notice things because god he didn’t want anyone noticing anything about him.

Except after the war, when he returns for 8th year he starts to notice all kinds of things; the way Dean and Seamus sit oh so close and gosh did they always do that, the way Ron and Hermione both tense up when the other one isn’t in the room but relax as soon as they’re near each other, the way people seem hopeful and scared all at once, or even small things like the way the wind sounds blowing against the window when he can’t sleep.

And the more he notices, the more he finds that maybe he wouldn’t quite mind if someone else noticed him.

Which is exactly how he starts to notice Malfoy.  Because now that he has started noticing all kinds of things he recognizes what these things mean too…and he definitely recognizes the slump of Malfoy’s shoulders, or the way his head turns up whenever someone new enters a room, or the way he finds every corner to sit in as soon as entering a room, and especially the way he’s always alone.  Because Harry knows exactly what it looks like when you don’t want people to notice you. 

And the more Harry looks the more he can’t stop looking, and he wonders how he could have spent so many years obsessed with Malfoy but never actually noticing things about him; like the way he cradles his tea as if absorbing its warmth before drinking it, the way he licks his lips when he reads, the way his face looks flushed and healthy only when he sneaks back into the castle after a secret broom ride (except its not so secret because Harry is pretty much always watching him), or the way he reads muggle novels in the library when he thinks no one can see.

Until one day, when Harry has his head buried in a book studying, and someone sits down beside him and he doesn’t even need to look up to know who it is because he recognizes the sounds Malfoy makes when he pulls out a chair and the way he holds his breath when he’s nervous and especially the way he smells; like fresh air and too strong tea and ink - he smells like hope Harry thinks, holding his breath too as Malfoy slides down into the seat beside him.

“So…” Malfoy whispers.

”So,” Harry answers back, still staring at the book in front of him, almost afraid to look at Malfoy as if he might spook him.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d be here,” Malfoy finally says after several minutes of silence which should be awkward but instead just feel charged with anticipation.

“I’m always here on Saturdays,” Harry says, finally turning to look at Malfoy.  He wonders why he looks so nervous. 

“I know,” Malfoy huffs, finally making eye contact with Harry and the look in his eyes makes something deep and tight in Harry’s chest uncurl because oh…oh.  Maybe he hasn’t been the only one noticing things.

“Did you want-”

“Yes,” Malfoy blurts out.

“I didn’t even finish asking you.  What if I asked if you wanted to go jump in the lake naked and look for the giant squid,” Harry says, his face breaking out into a smile that seems to make Malfoy relax.

“Still would’ve said Yes,” Malfoy says, no hint of sarcasm.

“Oh.  Well aright then.”  And Harry does something which feels a bit brave and a bit stupid and reaches over to lay his hand on Malfoy’s knee.  Only instead of yelling at him or pushing him away Malfoy smiles, for what Harry thinks must be the first time that whole year, and lays his own hand over Harry’s.

“Alright,” Malfoy says, linking their fingers.

And Harry smiles again, because yeah things really are alright.

Sweet Dreams

Originally posted by frozen-delight

Pairing: Sam x Reader (kind of)
Warnings:  Fluff
Summary: Sam comes to sleep in the readers room


“This is your room” Sam smiles, opening the motel room with the key card.
“I get my own room?” you asked, setting your duffel bag down on the bed.
“Yeah, I figured you’d probably want a night or two away so I got you your own. Is that okay?” Sam looked very hesitant, scared he might have upset you in some way. His worry instantly washed away when he saw a smile spread across your lips.
“Yeah, no that’s great! I won’t have to deal with Dean’s snoring; who knows, I might even get a good nights sleep for once.“ you laughed, laying back on your queen sized bed.
“Well, here’s a copy of your room key in case you need it. We have yours too, so if something happens just call.” Sam chuckled, laying the room key on the table by the door.


The first night on the job wasn’t so bad. Dean had staked out one of the suspects houses while you and Sam questioned the local authorities and towns people about the murders.

“I am beat” you sighed, climbing out of the impala.
“Yeah, flirting with the Deputy can do that to ya” Sam joked with a hint of jealousy in his voice. There had been some sexual tension between the two of you lately, nothing had happened yet, but that didn’t mean you didn’t want it to.

Rolling your eyes, you watched as they crossed the other side of the motel and went into their room. Sighing you closed your door and immediately peeled off your clothes and jumped into the shower. When you had finished your nighttime routine, you turned on the tv to watch Friends and passed out within the episode.

The sound of your door shutting woke you up, immediately grabbing the gun from under your pillow you pointed it at the door.
“Sam?” you asked sleepily, setting the gun on your nightstand and sitting up with a yawn.
“Dean’s snoring is keeping me up, is it cool if I sleep in here?” he asked, you could hear how tired he was in his voice.
“Yeah, its okay.” you yawned, snuggling back down into your comforter. You watched as Sam grabbed a blanket and pillow from the closet and laid down on the couch, curling up so he would fit properly. A small smile played on your lips, “Sam, come get in the bed.” you laughed, pulling the other side of the blanket up.
“I’m fine here, y/n” Sam laughed, laying his head on the pillow.
“Sam, if you don’t get in the bed then you can’t sleep in here” you warned, a jokingly tone slipped out, making him laugh too.

Getting up, he crossed the room in just a few strides and got into your bed.
“Are you sure this is okay?” he asked, making sure he didn’t make you feel uncomfortable.
“I wouldn’t have offered if it wasn’t okay, Sammy” you mumbled, already falling back asleep. Hesitantly, Sam shifted his body so he was laying down under the covers, trying to make himself comfortable in the bed without disturbing you. There wasn’t a whole lot of room in the bed with the two of you.
“Sam” you whispered, feeling him shift in the bed.
“Yeah?” he replied, laying on his side facing your back.
“Come here” you whispered, grabbing his arm and pulling it over your body so you two were spooning. Sam moved closer to you, his front pressed right up against your back.
“Is this okay?” he asked, locking his arm around you so he could feel like he was protecting you from anything that might enter the room.
“mmmhmm” you mumbled again, slowly falling back into the sleep you had before he had come into your room.


The next morning, Dean entered your room, looking for Sam and was only a little bit shocked to find you two sleeping together in the same bed. Your bodies were pressed up against each other, your face was in Sam’s neck with his arms wound tightly around your body; almost as if he was trying to keep anyone from taking you from him.
Smiling softly, Dean pulled out his phone and took a few pictures of you two and laughed softly.
“Oh yeah, they are never going to live this down.”

High for This

High for This by evansrogerskitten

Dean x Reader x Sam, John x Reader

A witch’s curse hexes the three Winchester men and reader, leading to a night of desire that would change things forever.

Warnings: Explicit, Smut, Voyeurism, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Threesome (NO Wincest), Fingering, Language, Dom!John, discussion of being high, dirty talk, orgasm denial, squirting, spanking, mention of a panic attack, Feels, A lil fluff, lack of protection, canon divergence. To be clear- the characters have all consented to all sexual acts in this story. 

Word Count: 8408 | On AO3 | This is inspired by the song High for This by The Weeknd, and my first song for @mrs-squirrel-chester Album Fanficfion Challenge. 

This fic had a mind of its own but I love it. I hope you do too :)


The Impala rolled into a parking space on the street and Sam killed the engine. I straightened the sleeves of my navy fed suit, and looked over at him.

“You really think she’s going to know anything?” Sam pestered, looking through the window.

“Witnesses said two of the victims had been here to see her for readings.” I responded, climbing out of the car. I patted my jacket pocket to make sure I still had my fake FBI badge. “She does readings on love and relationships.”

Sam rolled his eyes as we walked up the sidewalk to the old house.

“What if she’s really psychic then? She’ll know we’re hunters.” Sam suggested sarcastically as he looked over his shoulder to the street.

“Then we’ll improvise. It’ll be fine, Sam.” I responded, looking around the front porch. A bright Psychic Reader sign lit up the front window.

Keep reading

I Think I Wanna Marry You...

Pairing: Dean X Reader.

Warnings: none.

S/P/N- Sister’s Preferred Name.

Summary: The reader, distraught over not having a date to her sister’s wedding, considers asking one of the Winchesters to pretend to accompany her; will Dean manage to save the day and play pretend for two weeks, or will his feelings get the best of him?

A/N: I’m a sucker for these “fake relationship” stories ;))



                                                   ~*~*~*~

Y/N pulls the phone from her ear, her frustration drawn out in the creases in her brow.


“Well?” Dean asks, sat opposite her at the library table. Before him lies an open lore book, on a page about Nordic gods and how to kill them, and his cup of coffee sits dangerously close to the irreplaceable relic. With Sam out doing some shopping, it’s just the two of them at home, trying to dig up some info that might be useful for future use.


Pinching her brow, the young girl shakes her head, waving a dismissive hand.  “Nothing. It’s fine.”


“Ya’ sure?”


“Yes.” She says, trying to sound convincing, but its of no use, because the elder Winchester has known her long enough to see past her facades.


Living together for nearly five years now, calling her his best-friend even feels like an understatement. They got to know each other a while back through a hunt involving a Tulpa in California; Y/N’s kill, but the boy’s happened to jump in on it and help out. Surprise surprise: a friendship sparked,  and ever since then, the relationship has flourished greatly.


To Dean, Y/N is family, just like Cas or Charlie or any of the other members of their little rehabilitation program they’ve picked up over the years. And with that, he knows—well enough—that despite her efforts to dismiss it, something is nudging at her mind.


“Obviously not. You seem like you’re about to explode. What is it?” He shuts the book and leans forward. Y/N still looks exasperated; still tries to act like she isn’t, and fails terribly. When she finally lifts her gaze, her expression is that of defeat.


“It’s my sister.” She says mournfully. “She’s calling me about her wedding coming up this month, and wants to know if I’ve been signed up to the family news letter that allows me to see all the updates on things like which floral arrangement we’re going to have. Surprise surprise—I’m not.”


“Damn.” Dean says plainly, still not seeing the reason behind her chagrin. Y/N rolls her eyes at him, trying to look annoyed, but the smile that she suppresses says otherwise.


A sardonic laugh escapes her. “Yeah, damn indeed.”  She rises from her seat, downing her coffee. Dean glances at his, then stretches it across to her. She finishes it in a single glug.


“So….what now?” He leans back in the chair. “You don’t know the floral arrangements? Doesn’t sound so bad.”


“I don’t know anything about this wedding, Dean. I don’t know where it’s gonna be, I don’t know who’s gonna be there, and—until I few seconds ago—I didn’t know I’m going to have to be in Boston next week. S/P/N mentioned it in the newsletter but….” Her voice drifts off and she folds her lips into a straight-line, shrugging.


“What’s in Boston?”


“The wedding, apparently. Who even gets married in Boston? Yuck.” Y/N scowls.


“Your sister, apparently.” He almost rolls his eyes. “Right, so…go to Boston. Show up for the rehearsal, see your family, have fun, and then get back here once everything’s done.”


Dean explains it like it’s so easy.  To him, it is.  Wedding prepping can’t take more than three weeks, can it….? He wouldn’t know. He’s never had the chance to even be part of a wedding, but he assumes that that’s an appropriate estimate.


But, from the way Y/N bites her lip and averts her gaze to the floor, a look teetering between guilt and embarrassment on her face, maybe he’s wrong.


“Yeaahhh….” She draws out, skeptically. “Uhm…about that. It’s not as easy as it sounds…”


“Uhm…?” He quirks an inquisitive brow.


“I…sorta…told them that I have a date to the wedding and,…” Y/N gestures in the air, but doesn’t finish her sentence.


Dean watches her with a knitted brow, waiting for an explanation that doesn’t come, until realizations strikes. His eyes widen and his mouth forms a little “o”.


“Ohhh.”


“Yeah…” Her cheeks are dusted with a feint blush and she looks away.


Dean doesn’t want to say it, but he can’t help but think how cute it is—really cute. The only thing that can compete, he thinks, is the way her eyes disappear into her cheeks when she smiles.


As embarrassing as it is, he has almost an entire list like that about Y/N; things he thinks are adorable about her, things like her laugh, to  he way she’s so awkward around big crowds,  or how she has an undeniable obsession with space. Little things. Cute things. It goes on and on, infinite and growing each day, the more and more he gets to know her…but he’ll never admit that.


Because he can’t.


Because Y/N is family, and she’s just a friend.


“Well…is it like a must to bring one along? You could always just tell your family that you guys…broke up? Maybe he cheated. Maybe the love fizzled out.” Dean offers, shrugging.


Y/N looks at him with an un-amused expression. “Great thing to mention right before a wedding.”


“God, I don’t know.” Getting up from his seat, he rolls his eyes. He shuts the book and a gust if dust billows from it, then fixes it under his arm.“You’ll figure it out. It’s you.”


“Dean…”


“Yeah?”


Y/N doesn’t meet his gaze. Instead, she looks to the floor, arms crossed over her chest.“Well,…there is something I thought about doing, but—God, I don’t know. What if, like—” She finally looks up.


Dean waits for the bombshell he knows she’s about to drop with a cautious, furrowed brow,


“—I asked Sam?”  She finishes, her expression hopeful; her eyebrows are pulled together and she’s squinting slightly. The elder Winchester feels the wind get knocked out of him at hearing this.


His eyes widen. “Sam?”


“Not to actually be my date!—just to fool my family for the two weeks. Do you think he’ll go along with it?”


“I don’t get it—why don’t you just—“


“I can’t tell them I don’t have a date, because I already told them that I do. Going back on my word now will just make me look ridiculous, Dean. Just…”Y/N sighs and shuts her eyes. Dean can read the desperation in her features. He bites his lip, contemplating Y/N’s offer.


Sam, going on a date with Y/N. The idea is so ludicrous, so unbelievable that it sounds completely silly, like imagining pigs fly or anything of the nature. He can’t bring himself to even picture the two of them together, but…


Still.


He then feels something stir in his gut at the thought, a warmth, a….jealousy? No. Hopefully not. It’s been ages since these feelings have managed to surface. Now is not the time for a return. The elder Winchester quickly suffocates the feeling and averts his attention back onto his friend.


 Before him she stands, imploring y/e/c eyes, a sweet smile stretched across her face and hands clasped together. She looks like a little girl, so young, so desperate. The elder Winchester doesn’t want to say no. Even if he did—with puppy eyes like those—how can you?


“So you have to have a date to this wedding?”


“I do.”


Dean thinks for a moment, raking his eyes over Y/N’s face that speaks mountains of uncertainty.


“You think he’ll say no, huh?”


“I’ll do it.”


“What?” Confusion floods the young girls face as she unclasps her hands. They fall to her side. Dean gulps trying to level his voice to a more confident tone.


“I’ll be your date to your sister’s wedding.” He repeats, hoping he sounds more sure than he feels. His hands go cold, throat tightening.


Y/N’s face speaks volumes of surprise. “You’d…do that?”


Another nod.


“You’ll really do this?” She asks eyes wide. “A whole two weeks in Boston? With my family?”


Dean shrugs. For some wild reason, his heart is pounding in his chest and his palms are sweating, and he tries to stave off all the anxiety that begins to bubble within his gut. “Yeah. Why not?”


“Dean,” Y/N’s voice is stern all of a sudden. You can tell that she’s just as taken aback by the proposal as he is, but is trying not to show it. “If you say yes to this, I don’t want you to half-ass it? This is a real big deal for me, you know?”


“Look, do you want a date to this wedding or not?”


Y/N  then bites her lip, contemplating. The elder Winchester’s eyes never leave her as he watches, waiting for response, until she finally agrees.


“Okay.” She says. A small smile then twitches on her lips, and Dean can see she’s trying to suppress.


“ Okay. Awesome. I’m gonna call S/P/N and see if there’s anything more I need to know yeah?” She asks. He nods.


“Sure.” Dean says. “It’s fine with me.”


“Sure?”


“Mhm.” He knows he is, because the smile that breaks through Y/N’s authoritative face then is something definitely worth the decision. Her cheeks indented with dimples, she smiles, shaking her head, and then walks out to make the call. On the way out, she makes sure she butts her shoulder into his, just for fun. Dean lets out a nervous chuckle.


She’s gone. The empty library is silent, and that’s when his heart starts to thud.


Over and over, like a vicious doldrums. The silence only accentuates the sound of his rapid heartbeat, as the elder Winchester allows in a deep breath. His eyes flutter shut, and the anxiety begins to melt away gradually.


This is gonna be a hell of a wedding.


                                                  ~*~*~*~

Part 2

I’ve been in my feelings for Dean for the past few weeks so bear with me pls. Also, I’m very excited for this story; more chapters to come, hopefully soon.

As always, likes, re blogs and general feedback is greatly appreciated!

anonymous asked:

I honestly tried so hard not to ship Destiel but it's just one of those ships y'know you just kinda accidentally ship and I really don't wanna cause some of the fandom is kinda toxic but I can't help but to ship it

Dude, SAME.

Originally posted by findyourownhappyending

Honestly, I’ve never shipped anything before (I liked it when Spike x Buffy did eventually go somewhere and was kinda beautiful but I didn’t really ship it), I didn’t even know what shipping was until I found tumblr a few months ago, I’m mostly straight (I’m a bit fluid but meh, mostly straight), and I never really thought about representation that much beyond ‘yeah, thats a great thing, there should be more of it’. 

So I just watched the show (on my own) with no previous knowledge of anything at all and…. well…. it was so obvious?!

I mean, I just binge watched the show last year because I love sci-fi and I was in a bit of a bad place and needed a distraction and had watched all the Buffy/True Blood/GoT I could and was looking for something new.

I loved seasons 1-3, I did, but then, enter Castiel and literally, my life has kind of changed?! I have an obsessive personality anyway but…. jeez. What a character and WHAT A ROMANTIC GLORIOUS LOVE STORY!

And then it just dragged… and dragged…. and yet also GREW so much?! 

So, like, what exactly are they doing? Well, I believe they know exactly what they are doing, especially since Dabb took over, but hey, let’s see…. but my blog description is ‘endgame Destiel positive’ so you know what I mean ;)

It’s all THERE, they all know its there, the writers USE it in their plots, the editors make it visually obvious, it’s even referenced in the show, the actors all KNOW, I mean come on!

Originally posted by literarycasualty

It’s not our fault if they use all the romance tropes with these two.

I think it is very relevant that so many Destiel meta-writers and shippers have a background in understanding stories, being teachers, journalists, book worms, cinematography students etc etc and therefore can make pretty good conclusions from the material that is being shown.

I mean, the overall story of these two characters is that one is a fallen, rebellious Angel who just wants to feel Human and belong somewhere and loves caring for others and one is a faithless man with abandonment issues who just wants someone to stay with and care for him.

Said fallen Angel rebels and does it, all of it for Him, eventually looking to Him instead of God, is in return called ‘family’ and cared for himself. 

Said Human learns to have Faith in and through his Angel and through this in himself, which is a key part of his overall story in the whole show.

They’re WRITTEN as each other’s canonical other half (see this post about how its a romantic and not a buddy story according to literary guidelines).

Their story is like so many rom-com, shakespearean and classical for that matter love/mythical stories where they start out on opposite sides and kind of meet in the middle you know? The idea being that they ‘complete’ each other and lead themselves to be the best that they can be and who they really are and want to be deep down? As these two clearly do?!

I’ve said before and I’ll say again, Dean and Cas are canonically central to each other’s CORE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT and their endgames are INTERLINKED.

Originally posted by sooper-dee-dooper-natural

I mean, if this was a guy and a girl and it was a movie, so all the story was shown in 1h30 minutes and at the end they were like oh, no, but you see, they’re just FRIENDS. Literally everyone would just be like WHAT?!

The fact that Disney movies and romcoms are so highly parallel-able with Destiel, because it fits that literary box - as a romance, not a buddy story or a drama or even a familial story, it does up to a point, but it definitely transcends this and moves into romance realms pretty early on, like, season 5 FFS.

It’s not our fault, the show made us do it.

If fandom wank is a problem for you, well, I don’t like it either, I guess no one does apart from the ones instigating it who seem to get a high off it, I just blacklist on tumblr and I don’t attend cons, so… meh, I have this gorgeous little space where we all know and all discuss what is happening and it is lovely, feel free to join us :)

Longing

a birthday gift for @succulent-sam!! happy birthday, gabby!!! I hope you enjoy this little canon ‘verse happiness. <3

now on AO3!

“Do you always understand everything you feel?” Cas asked, one day.

He thought, obscurely, that Spring was the right time for a question like this; or at least this Spring was - a Spring that felt fresh and light and hazy, still dazed by the wonder of Winter’s passing. Dean, sitting in the car beside him, looked washed out by it - or rather, washed clean, Cas supposed he meant. Softened, in any case.

“How d’you mean?” Dean said. He turned to Cas, the bright sun shrinking out the darkness in his eyes - turning them green. Green like go-lights, green like mazes - no, gentler than both of those; green like the water-full leaves of succulent plants. Green like book covers, like peppermint-flavour candies.

“I mean… do you ever feel something that you can’t explain? Something… ineffable?”

Dean pressed his lips together. Cas wondered if he needed to explain the word ‘ineffable’.

“Nah?” he said. “I guess most of what I feel, I know what to call it. I don’t always like it, but at least I know what it is.”

Cas nodded seriously. Dean let the silence rest for a while as they cruised down the Spring-morning road.

“What about you?” he said eventually.

Cas lifted a shoulder.

“I… have a thousand words for how things feel,” he said, “and a thousand things to feel within me. But I… I cannot make them match.”

Keep reading

It's Good for You

Summary:  You need to find a way to get some exercise when you’re out on a case with Sam and Dean.  Dean is happy to oblige.

Characters:  Dean x Reader, Sam

Word Count:  1493

Warnings:  SMUT (oral, female receiving, unprotected sex), fluff

A/N:  I may be developing an exercise kink.  Who knew?

 If you’d like to be tagged in my fics send me an ask!

*GIF was found through Google credit goes to its owner.*

You slam the door behind you as you stomp into the motel room.  Dean is still in bed just rising up on his elbow rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Whoa, they didn’t have the right set of dumbbells, princess?”

“Ha, ha, Dean.  No they were closed.  A water main broke or something.  How am I supposed to exercise without a gym?

“You wanna come with me for a run?” Sam asks stepping out of the bathroom in his running gear.

You’re about to give Sam your “are-you-serious?” look when Dean chimes in.

“This one?  Go on a run with you?” Dean laughs from his bed.  “Don’t you remember that hunt when she was being chased by a ghoul?  She tried to speed walk away.”

“Shut up!” you throw one of your shoes at Dean.

Dean ducks down as it whizzes past his head.

“Don’t get me wrong sweetheart, you’re the fastest speed walker I’ve ever seen.”

Keep reading

Who’s your Boyfriend?

Summary: You wake up from a sexy dream featuring Dean to come face to face with your less than pleased boyfriend, Castiel. 

A/N: @greenappleeyes gave me this idea and I WENT NUTS WHEN SHE GAVE IT TOO ME AND I OBSESSIVELY THOUGHT ABOUT THIS UNTIL MY WRITER’S BLOCK WAS GONE AND WAS ABLE TO WRITE IT

Pairing: Castiel x Reader

Warnings: language, slight dom!cas, oral (female receiving….lots of it), multiple orgasms, over sensitivity, bondage (if you considered getting pinned down by cas’ grace and tied to your headboard with his tie), also, smut. I think that’s it?

Word Count: 2.3k

Originally posted by supernaturalfreewill

You leaned up to kiss Dean as he’d slid an arm underneath you, and pulled you up and straddle his lap. You moaned into his mouth as you sank down onto him. Your head fell back as he slowly filled you, his mouth finding one of your breasts as you slowly began to move your hips back and forth. He sucked and teased your nipple with his teeth, the sensitivity causing you to tremble as you rode him. 

Keep reading

12.14 coda

Dean may have missed out on the fight, but he still feels like drinking when he finally gets back home. Ketch’s expensive bottle of bribery is still sitting on the war room table and his glass is still in his favorite spot, right where he left it.

“Oh, hello, sweetness. Daddy’s here,” Dean coos at it. He hums as he picks up the bottle - still heavy even after a couple of drinks. “Shhh. It’s just you and me now.”

Sam scoffs. “Really, Dean? You’re that easy?”

Dean rolls his eyes over his shoulder. “So?”

Sam doesn’t really want to start anything, he’s feeling too good. He lets Dean smuggle his booze away to his room like always and revels in the still-fresh feeling of adrenaline-fueled ass-kicking. Changing the world. Power in the palms of his hands. He’ll try not to let it go to his head, but he deserves to celebrate the win at least.

Dean, meanwhile, falls like a heavy weight against the back of his bedroom door. 

Keep reading

Four Bedrooms

[ao3]

Based on this story told at Jibcon 2017
3.7k words

The thing is, Misha’s a liar.

He stretches the truth when he knows it’ll be to his advantage. He flatout lies when he thinks the truth will upset someone more than he’s willing to deal with.

So when he offhandedly invites Jensen and Jared to his rented house for the duration of filming the season 12 finale, he doesn’t expect them to take him up on the offer until after he’s already told them it’s a four-bedroom house.

It’s not a four-bedroom house.

The downstairs consists of a cramped living room with a flat-screen TV mounted on the wall, a small kitchen with enough counter space for exactly one cutting board and a sitting area with a wooden table and three chairs instead of four. The upstairs is one hallway with a master bedroom on one end and a much smaller bedroom on the other end. The spare bedroom barely has enough space for a full-sized bed. There’s one bathroom upstairs, between the bedrooms.

“Uh, you sure this is the right place?” Jensen asks as he sets his duffel bag down on the small couch in the living room.

“I might’ve…stretched the truth a bit,” Misha replies sheepishly.

Jensen turns to him, hands planted on his hips, unimpressed glare on his face. “I’m not sleeping on the couch.”

As Misha opens his mouth to respond, the door bangs open and Jared comes in with a whistle.

“Wow, Misha,” Jared says as he looks around the small room. “This is as awesome as you hyped it up to be.”

“I never said it was glamorous.”

“You also didn’t say it was the size of a broom closet,” Jared replies as he throws his stuff on top of Jensen’s. “Where are we sleeping?”

Jensen and Misha share a look before both turning back toward Jared. Misha says, “We can worry about that after work tonight I guess.”

Keep reading

Dean is aging every day and Castiel can see it in the fine lines when he smiles, the way his eyes crinkle. Every day there’s another line forming and Castiel can see it. Every single one of them. He sees the first small gray hair that starts at the root of Dean’s hair. He doesn’t think Dean can see it, at first, but after a week Dean begins parting his hair differently. Castiel cannot see the single gray strand anymore, until there is a small bundle of them.

With each waking day, Dean’s hands begin to ache in the places that strains when he holds his gun. He pretends not to care, but Castiel knows. He can read Dean like a book he’s read a million times.

Castiel stays the same. Humanity caught up with his vessel in the short while he had no grace, yet now he seems to have stopped aging once again. He stays young while Dean’s knees ache. Small touches let Castiel ease the pain, and Dean catches on to what he is doing. He says thank you with his eyes, that still sparkle a beautiful sage color. The love Castiel has for Dean never dulls, but only deepens the more Dean let’s him heal.

It seems, eventually Dean wants to skip out on hunts. His bones throb too badly, or he’s catching yet another cold. Sam notices, too, but says nothing. It’s inevitable. Dean is much older than Sam is, and not as nimble anymore. Castiel always stays with Dean. Just in case.

Sometimes Dean will let Castiel sit with him while he watches the latest game on television. Usually Dean will fall asleep by halftime, never able to sleep well at night. His head always ends up on Castiel’s shoulder, beer slipping through his fingers that once held it tightly. Castiel puts the beer on the coffee table, and maneuvers to lean back enough for Dean’s head to rest comfortably on his chest. Castiel has no heartbeat for Dean to listen to, but placing a firm hand on Dean’s shoulder lets him pulse power through Dean’s veins, easing any ache or pain. Dean always sleeps better this way. It seems to give him a little bit more life that way.

Dean does not like it when Castiel heals him of his aches. “They let me know I’m still human, Cas. Just let me ache. That’s why they invented Advil.” Dean will say, giving Castiel a glare. But Dean always comes to Castiel at night, or comes to get him when the Advil won’t help his restless leg syndrome, or ease the throb of his nerves enough to get a few un-solid hours. Castiel is always more than willing to place that firm hand on Dean, watching him sleep peacefully like he deserves after a lifetime of restless nights.

“Let me heal you, Dean.” Castiel demands, watching the man he loves practically decay on the sofa. Dean had insisted on going to a hunt with Sam, and had sprained a few bones. They were not healing, and it had been over a week. “Please.” Castiel begs.

“No, Cas.” Dean repeats over and over. Castiel doesn’t care. Dean isn’t quick enough to dodge Castiel’s hand as if clamps around his ankle. It’s healed within seconds, and Dean is angry at him once more. “Damnit Cas!” Dean jerks his leg away, and glares red hot towards Castiel.

“I don’t understand, Dean!” Castiel barks back at him, “You can go on hunts all you want if you just let me heal you when you come back.”

“That’s not how life is supposed to work, Cas. I go on a hunt and I get hurt, if I die from it then that’s how it needs to be! No more loopholes, Cas. I’m gettin’ old, I know it, you know it, Sam knows it. Shit happens, and nature takes its course. It can’t do that if you keep interrupting it!”

“It sounds as though you want to die,” Castiel says dully, and blunt.

“Maybe I do.” Dean says quietly, hardly shocking Castiel. “I’ve lived a long life, saved a lot of people and then some. I’m alright with it.”

Castiel can’t cry, but if he could then he would be sobbing. He can feel it inside, how sad he is. “Dean, I’m not alright with it. My whole purpose of being is because of you. Every day before you, I simply waited for the day. And every day after, I was living for you and fighting for you. There was never a moment I was doing something that wasn’t for you in some way. If you’re gone, what am I supposed to live for?”

“Live for Sammy, Cas. He needs someone, too, you know.”

“Dean, as soon as you’re gone Sam is going to go back to a normal life. And you know that.”

Dean shakes his head, “I don’t want you to interfere anymore, Cas.”

Castiel nods a final nod, and says nothing the nights he still eases Dean’s pains when Dean calls for him. The days go by quickly, as do the seasons. He is worse in the winter, and soon he hardly moves from his worn spot on the sofa.

Castiel leaves Sam with him a single day, saying they need him briefly in Heaven. Dean smiles at him and says he’s happy Cas is off doing angelic things for once. Castiel smiles back and Sam nods. He knows Castiel’s plan.

Castiel comes back over a day later, and Dean is asleep in his bed. When Castiel enters, Dean stirs and reaches for him. He must be hurting again. Castiel gets down to his briefs and slides in bed with Dean, the single brush of skin easing all of Dean’s pains. He relaxes entirely against Castiel. Dean feels very hot, and clammy.

“Are you sick again?” Castiel asks worriedly.

“Yeah,” Dean grunts. “I went out for a drive and got caught in the rain. I think it’s the flu,” Dean grumbles. Castiel brushes a soft hand over his forehead and dulls the fever. “Thanks,” Dean says softly. Castiel is thrown off by the acceptance but says nothing. Dean begins talking. He’s somewhere between sleep, stuck in a limbo. “I am gettin’ scared, every day.” He admits in the quiet air of the bedroom. “Once my light goes out, that’s it. No more chances like I’m used to.”

Castiel interrupts softly. “I could give you another, Dean. We can age together, this next time. If you let me.” There’s a pleading tone in Castiel’s voice that Dean can recognize.

“No, Cas. I need to be a man about this.” Dean grumbles, head rolling to rest on Castiel’s pale chest. “I’m just scared of where I’m going. I always thought death would be easy, that I’d die out on a hunt. It’d be quick, maybe not painless, but I thought it would happen so fast the fear wouldn’t set in. But dying of old age? Slow like this? Every day, man. I can feel it. I’m gettin’ closer. Every time I’m sick it’s like death is just looming, beggin’ me to go to sleep so it can take me. It gives me time to think about it, and the fear gets bad. I hate bein’ scared. I’m scared I’m goin’ to hell, or purgatory again. Or get stuck in the void like Kevin did. I wanna go to Heaven, and be with Bobby and Ellen and Jo.” Castiel faintly realizes Dean is crying silently, tears pooling beneath Dean’s cheek.

“In Heaven,” Castiel begins. “I talked to some of my superiors.” Dean ‘mm-hmms’, quietly. “They would not take my grace, so my age would catch up. But I reserved you a spot, right where you want to be. And I will escort you myself. Not a reaper, or a demon. Me, and I will hide nothing from you. I will hold your hand the whole way.” The love Castiel has for this man is swelling hugely in his vacant chest, and if Castiel could cry he would cry for love.

Dean’s fingers skim past Castiel’s chest to grab his hand. The hold is limp, and weak. Castiel’s worry is at its highest, and he feels the desperate need to go yell for Sam.

Somehow, Sam senses Castiel’s desperation. He barges into the room, eyes wide with worry. Castiel and Sam’s eyes meet and the words don’t need to be spoken.

“Dean?” Sam asks, walking to his brother. Dean let’s out a small moan of acknowledgement, and faintly tells Sam he loves him. The grip on Castiel’s hand is slightly stronger when Dean finds the energy to kiss Castiel’s chest, the words unspoken but there. Castiel wraps fingers through Dean’s damp hair and holds him close.

Sam is crying silent tears and holds back a sob by biting his fist.

Dean goes quietly, in his sleep. Castiel slips from underneath him and makes sure to tuck him in as he goes to console Sam, who has aged as well, but is still young and healthy. Death won’t take him as quickly if he begins to settle down. Castiel makes sure to tell him this.

Castiel explains his plan to Sam over once more. He’s going to lead Dean to Heaven himself. He’s going to be with Bobby and Ellen and Jo. Just like he wanted. Castiel will be there, too, and he will be down whenever Sam prays to him. And if Sam wants, Castiel will walk him through the veil, too.

Castiel’s conversation is interrupted by Dean. A Dean Sam cannot see, but yet the same Dean he knows. Dean has a worried look in his eye, watching Sam cry silent tears. Castiel tells Sam it’s time, and gives him a large hug goodbye. He pleads for Sam to go find a woman, and settle down and have kids. Go back to Stanford. It’s possible. Sam promises he will try, and that he will pray often.

Castiel takes Dean’s hand and vanishes. The veil is shadows and daylight mixing together, like oil and water. Mixing but never becoming one. Dean holds Castiel’s hand tightly, fingers laced. Castiel steps through a very certain strand of daylight. Dean covers his eyes when it becomes too bright.

They’re at Bobby’s. It takes Dean a single moment to blink and look around. Ellen comes from the kitchen, stirring something in a pot.

“Heya, boys. Just in time for supper.”

That night, Castiel holds Dean close. Dean let’s him. After all, they’re stuck in a piece of Heaven where no one dies, aches, or bleeds. Despite Dean’s healthy bones, Castiel still caresses Dean’s body just like before.

be there. 12x12 coda. deancas. (ao3)

Dying is different when it happens slowly.

Concern is rolling off of Dean in waves, and underneath that is fear and desperation and a dozen different types of longing that, for reasons Castiel still doesn’t understand, Dean has never acted on.

Dean tells him it’s not that bad, that he just needs time, but no one is a good enough liar to make that one believable. Even if Dean were, it wouldn’t matter. Castiel knows exactly what Dean’s denial looks like.

He knows exactly how this is going to go, too, in spite of Dean’s protestations. He can feel the rot radiating out from the wound, spreading through his chest, crawling down his arms and numbing his legs. Time moves on, and the last thing it’s going to do is heal him.

Castiel gathers the last shreds of strength left to him and takes a deep breath. These will be his last words, and he wants to make sure they’re good ones.

He knows it’s cowardly to tell the Winchesters how he feels only now, when he knows it won’t cost him anything, when he won’t have to deal with the fallout. I love you feels strange and unfamiliar in his mouth, but he doesn’t regret not saying it sooner. The words scare them all, especially Dean. He can see it in the way Dean can’t meet his eyes when he says it. He recognizes it for the rejection it is, and some small part of him is glad he won’t have to live with that.

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12x17 I..... liked this episode ?

This is my first post-episode overview commentary because I just was surprised how much I liked this episode. There was still some wtf-ery but generally I enjoyed it and, well, I can’t help but link everything to Destiel these days and the Destiel itself was strong but man, the continued breaking down of the barriers to it becoming canon more textual just keeps coming this season. 

Dabb……

Originally posted by michael-scott-quotes

The women: Ok so I really hope they follow through on the Mary can actually “have it all” and I hope there’s a reason for Kelly’s characterisation like she’s being mind controlled by the kid, but other than that I’m pretty happy with this episode? Kelly textually said she was used. Yes, thank you.

Mary and Ketch - I didn’t…hate it? Ok so it’s a bit weird but only because we have info on Ketch that Mary doesn’t? To Mary he is her trainer, he’s charming, he helped save her boys…. she doesn’t know about Magda, Toni, maybe not even how vicious he can be…. and Mary is allowed her fair share of Winchester terrible sexual partners and she’s a big girl, she can do what and whoever she wants as long as it’s not hurting anyone. 

And there is a clear Destiel-related reason I am 100% OK WITH MARY MAKING THIS DECISION! (see below).

Crowley / Lucifer: I’m hoping this whole thing is just another set up like it was last Bucklemming episode, to be ‘fixed’ later, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt there. 

Mick: I liked Mick, I wanted Mick to live even though I knew he wouldn’t really. At least now people wont be worried he’s replacing Cas. Oh well. Also, kind of re-cements Ketch as our bad guy. Will he still try to kill Mary? *drum roll*…

Omg the Saileen: They are cute, they HOLD GREAT EYE CONTACT and all the little smiles and flirting while at the same time wow badass hunter couple. And Sam learned more sign language?! And they talked before off screen after Coeur d’Alene and its implied they talked more than that?! Yes please! 

My head canon is that that night she still couldn’t sleep after killing whatisface snobby Brit guy (yeah, another snobby Brit guy, thanks for that), knocked quietly on Sam’s door, he wordlessly offered his hand to her, she climbed into bed with him, they cuddled and he comforted her, that is all. They are so pure and I love them.

They can be a badass hunter husband and wife and just all the cuteness.


Ok so the Destiel: 

Pining!Dean is what I live for in these kind of episodes. Whispers *Thank you Bucklemming*? 

Dean / Cas and Sam / Eileen clear romantic parallels all episode! Dean not deflecting and admitting he is worried to Sam! (Also aside - Dean admitting Mick drank him under the table and not posturing like he’s this big macho guy).

Dean called Cas 4 times… that day. I would also be worried, Cas always calls Dean back. They also text regularly. So yeah. Also the callback of Mick talking about Lucifer being in your boyfriend. Ouch. Also MORE Dean calling Cas away from Sam *satisfied face* - will add this to my already long phone call post ;) 

Ok, so the Mary/Ketch thing…

Personally, Destiel shipper hat on I hope that between the colt and this, when Dean finds out it will really cement his realisations this season about his feelings for Cas. 

If Mary can sleep with who she wants why can’t he? He’s put her on such a pedestal and she’s shown she’s human over and over again, this would cement it for Dean. And if Mary can sleep with someone she doesn’t love, who Dean knows is a psychopath (even if Mary doesn’t), why can’t Dean acknowledge his own pure, healthy feelings of love for Cas? I don’t know if I’m voicing this coherently but I have feelings about this ok. 

This season is just building so much to break down the walls around Dean / Cas: 

1. Dean generally is letting his facade down and letting his real self shine through, see ALL the meta about the whole of season 12 plus the textual whole episode of 12x11 showing us this is what we are meant to be seeing and getting from all this.

2. Cas was / is still thinking about where he belongs. Dean was / is still worried that everyone he loves will abandon him. THESE THINGS TIE IN TOGETHER AND ARE TEXTUALLY TIEING IN TOGETHER THIS SEASON.

3. Sam and Eileen are / could be a cute hunter couple and a great example. Sam doesn’t have to rely on Dean if he has someone else. Dean can move on himself much as a single parent often does once they know their child is emotionally OK. Check. 

4. Mary shows him that he doesn’t have to worry about *shame* on the family. She might even say something to this point about herself if they discuss this (I’m looking at you leaked argument between Dean and Mary in 12x21).

5. Cas has told Dean that he loves him. And yes I will go on record AGAIN to say that Sam and Dean both had an acknowledged, directed, written, face of REALISATION when Cas made the clarification and made clear the first I love you was to Dean alone. Even if it wasn’t (pffff), it was written ambiguously for a *reason*.

6. And….

Originally posted by yourfavoritedirector

It seems Dean is realising now how ‘fragile’ Cas is. He is no longer on the ‘Cas’ll be fine’ band wagon. HE IS NOT MAD, HE’S WORRIED.

There is a reason twitter is awash with - 

WHERE IS THE ANGEL?! 

- every episode since 12x12 (even 12x15 only had marginal Cas and no real Dean/Cas other than both times it was gloriously, clearly, romanticised).

We are supposed to be worried, to be missing him because Dean is worried and missing him and off course this flows through to the show’s narrative and they’re making us feel this (and I’m sure Sam too of course but its not the same).

Dabb. I see you.