and i kept telling myself to trust the show writers

a few thoughts from a former C$waner and the road to Swen

why did I change my mind ? 

I was desperate for some true love story, and ouat was offering that or so I thought …

we can all agree that Snowing is True love and same with rumbelle, but what what I really wanted was a true love story for the savior, Emma deserved it, especially after what she’s been through with Neal and Graham … hook was the perfect candidate wasn’t he ? 

The guy is hot as hell, i’ve always loved blue eyes contoured with eye liner ;), he was cocky but most importantly ; a villain ! who doesn’t love villains ? Loki, moriarty, Rumpelstiltskin… hook was unapologetically selfish and just .. bad, but he starts developing feelings for emma, and starts the road to ‘redemption’, now comes my personal view on this, i’ve always had bad experiences with men, my father being the first ( the guy is a cheater and selfish af ), I was desperate for a good story showing that a man can change but mostly that men can be good, I mean we all want to see that, so I start investing myself in hook and let’s say the truth here, season two and three hook WAS GOOD, he was on the right path to redeeming himself ( with a few mistakes here and there, at the time I thought it was alright, you can’t change overnight ), with Captain swan hints being dropped along the way, I was okay with, more than okay with even, Emma was getting a love story with a man who willing to change for her, we have enough of these stories already but fairytale stories have more meaning right ? so this one was special,,, and things start going downhill from there ( I will never say it out loud, but C$ was disappointing me from there i’ll never admit it out loud but i can say it on here) hook was treating Emma worse and worse, but they always found a way to make him ‘apologize’ for it and just like Emma I bought his crap (because whether i want it or not society has taught me to just do that) even tho’ a part of me still thought that was wrong, I still gave him the 5th 6th 7th 8th … chance! and another part of me also didn’t want to be disappointed in the show that changed my life, I watched the episodes days or weeks later on (never happened in s3 and before ) but I still cling to the hope of happiness for Emma and trusted the writers to make it better, but C$ wasn’t that ooh so worshiped OTP of mine, it wasn’t the true love story I dreamed of, I Got so confused at times ( when Emma lied to hook about him being the dark one for example, OR WHEN SHE KILLED HIM SO HE COULD DIE A HERO?!? I kept telling myself what kind of love is that ? and I’m passing so many more) but because they made sense on paper I didn’t give too much of a thought, I convinced myself that its writers giving us shit drama like always

 and then arrives season 6,the season of realization : while in the previous season hook  was making mistakes, and I forgived him, my brain just couldn’t take it anymore, hook is a living mistake in this season, I even started to question his character, and what was his general goal was ? but then again, I love Emma so much, I wasn’t now just acting like her but like most of the characters at this point ? they all want her happiness and just let her be with that toxic man ? I feel like her parents and everyone else feels the same at this point, in took David 4 seasons to finally ‘accept’ the guy ( and by his look he wasn’t sure of his decision), I just wanted Emma to have her happy ending.

when did I realize that they weren’t meant for each other you say ? 

WHEN HE LIED TO HER ABOUT KILLING HER GRANDFATHER. the guy lowkey wanted to burn the memory of it, he was thinking for an entire episode whether to tell her the truth or not ? and when he finally decides to do so the worst proposal of all times happens and then he just what?  burns the memory of his act. he could’ve interrupted her that night and tell her the truth BUT HE DIDN’T. he was willing to start their married life together with a lie, and not just oh I swear I didn’t at that woman’s chest lie, HE KILLED HER GRANDFATHER, thats a divorce cause material. thats when I realized Emma’s true love wasn’t hook ( plus all the previous moments in the previous seasons) 

let’s talk about Swan queen for a minute:

I was the biggest ‘swan queen friendship’ shipper, in my early oncer days I was against them being romantic, probably because of my personal experience as well, I was having some troubles with my own sexuality at the time, I refused to acknowledge it, even if it’s just watching a queer couple on TV, it made me uncomfortable and I feared that if I gave in in that aspect of my life it’d become too real ( and held into C$ ) Only just last year that I came out to friends as Bi, so yeah Swan queen was no option for me, BUT IT WASN’T for them, I still saw their actions, I still saw their looks their mutual love for each, their deep affection to one another, the fact that they lean on each other, help one another and never ever stopped believing in one another, but still my dumb closeted self refused to believe it.

how does my personal life influence my vision of this ship tho’:

I believe, like ouat has told in ep’ 6x14 the most important thing in life is accepting and loving yourself, after one special event in my life I finally saw the light about myself and admitted what I was denying my whole life and now I love me ( just like regina does now ) and started seeing ouat with new eyes, eyes that could finally see and a heart that could finally admit that swan queen is the real deal, my eyes and heart finally see that the true love I wanted for Emma has always been there the character development I wanted to see was in Regina, her happy ending was there that whole time. 

now thats just my personal take on it, you don’t have to be lgbt to see it, hook isn’t the right one for Emma, Regina is, and I will repeat this as much as i have to … if it is the last thing I do ;)

ps: thanks to that ONE tumblr post who made me go back and re-watch all the swan queen videos haha