ohhhh my god my mum just called me to tell me to go take some stuff out of the freezer and i go down to the kitchen and there’s at leAST 10 (presumably) DEAD COCKROACHES JUST LYIN ABOUT IN THIS KITCHEN I HAVE TO TRAVERSE THROUGH and bugs are a huge fuckin fear of mine so i’m just dying of anxiety as i run in this kitchen, constantly hopping on my feet in fear that one of the cockroaches is gonna come to life and crawl up my leg, and throw the frozen food over to the bench and BOLT THE FUCK OUTTA THERE, not even stopping to do all the stupid checking stuff i usually do before i leave the kitchen – my heart’s racin and im breathing super heavily and im all dizzy, jfc i didn’t need to have a random almost panic attack in the middle of the morning, why couldn’t my parents have just gotten rid of all the cockroaches before they left for work??? because i’m assuming they didn’t just all show up for a Dead Cockroach Kitchen Party once my parents left this morning. why do these things happen
pt.1/2 so i have new vague memories of being part of a system when i was younger and in an abusive environment. there was the host (me), a child and a protector. once i got out of that environment they faded to the point i forgot about them for years. then in middle school the protector stepped in a few times, but i was dealing with a lot of other stuff and didn't really notice. however yesterday i felt odd and more childlike than normal, even going as far as creating an age regression blog.