and i have so much feels right now

Alright… I know I don’t talk much about my personal life but right now things are probably going to be going through some big changes. Firstly as of yesterday I no longer have a job. After two years there I couldn’t handle the situation and people I was dealing with, customers and coworkers alike so I quit.

Secondly I’m wanting to move out on my own sometime in the near future but dunno when or really where. I know I don’t want to stay in my hometown because I feel this place is really contributing to my depression and other shit. Need a change of scenery and am really hoping that leaving where I am now will help bring my creative drive back…

But till I figure all that I want to do in my life, either finding another job here or moving and finding a job there, I still need some sort of source of income. I’m hoping to be able to do more commissions to help out with that now as well as later on. So with that said I’m going to be changing some pricing things on my commission sheet. Not 100% sure on what yet but it won’t be a super big change. That’ll be up sometime this week so if you wanted to get a commission from me while they’re still cheaper now’s your chance to do so. Current commission prices are here

This isn’t super critical at this point. I’m not leaving tomorrow or anything. But anything helps.

And as for the blogs this shouldn’t effect them too much. I’ll still be drawing for them as often as I can. Cap Crew has an update in the works but I’m a little stuck on how to draw it out. ARiS I haven’t started yet so… But I got the next week to draw so hopefully should be able to get both of those done. 

Anyways thanks for reading and hope you all have a good day 

anonymous asked:

My fiancé broke up with me. I am trying to see the beauty in my suffering and how this can better connect me with Jesus and my community, but no matter how hard I try, I still feel awful. I know that God has the power to change his heart because he and I have resolvable issues. I really believe that he is in God's plan for me. I am having a hard time understanding how God's plan for me includes so much suffering and separating me from my beloved?

Hi friend,

Sometimes all we can do is feel–feel the hurt, feel the pain, feel the aftereffects of what feels like our world imploding. There’s nothing I can say to help what you’re feeling, but know that now is the time to lean into Jesus more than ever. He is right there with you, and He will see you through this. 

As for trying to understand His plan for you, it’s hard. And a lot of the time we don’t know what is and isn’t His plan. I was abused as a child, and while I know that God did not want that to happen (my abuser was human and a sinner and had free will and used it in negative ways), I also know that He is helping me to use that hurt and history to glorify Him, because He’s the one who saved me. He’s the reason I’m still here. He’s… everything

So keep in mind that we never know what His plan is for us. Maybe His plan does involve your ex, but also, maybe it doesn’t. It’s going to be hard no matter what happens, but know that everything you’re feeling will eventually lift. You will smile again, laugh again, love again. 

For now, though, talk to God. Talk to Him and read His Word and know that He will never leave you. Know that it’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to be sad or angry or confused. It’s okay. Just trust Him. He’s got this. One day, you’ll understand.

Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” - John 13:7

I’ll be praying for you, love.

All my love,

S. 

anonymous asked:

what's ur opinion on the leafs rookies? (auston matthews, mitch marner, etc.) as in, do u care about them, do you like them, etc,

i like them but i think they’re v overrated right now? like i’m not the biggest toronto fan and they’re everywhere on my dash so i don’t rb them that much. william is the only one i rly follow (points etc) i like him v much & i think a big part of my mitch & auston feelings abt them being overrated rn is because media/the leafs only talk abt them & william gets overlooked a lot, when he on any other team would have gotten the praise he imo deserves !

tw sex, getting over trauma

i had long conversation with one of my partners tonight about having sex in a way that would make us both feel safe and not triggered and i just realized….i trust her with all of my heart, i really do. i think maybe finally i can have sex without dissociating or feeling like i have to fake an orgasm just to stop everything. i feel like i can tell her when im scared or panicking or needing to stop. we both have somewhat negative relationships with sex so she like. gets it. idk it’s just really amazing to realize that you trust someone so much

i think being long distance has helped because we’ve had to build so much trust first. i keep throwing myself into hookups hoping ill be able to repair myself in that way but obviously it never works. i need to work on this “trust then sex” thing bc i think right now that’s what i need to heal

Tagged by the wonderful @sunlitthrone for a tag meme! <333

Rules: tag 6 users you wanna get to know better.

Tagging @eridiumblight, @whoa-nelly, @quakebeats, @sublimepoint, @lolzforshits, @letsgetonwithit

How old are you? 18
Current job, dream job? I’m a student right now, but I want to be an aerospace engineer/video game developer lmao
What are you talented at? overthinking…
What is a big goal you are working towards or have already achieved? I feel like I’ve gotten so much better at managing my depression and anxiety, so that’s a massive achievement that I’m really proud of :’)
What is your aesthetic? Mirror’s Edge, literally anything from that franchise appeals to me
Do you collect anything? video games, I’ll also probably start collecting vinyls as well
What is a topic you are always up to talk about? also video games!!!
What is a pet peeve of yours? people who are ridiculously, unnecessarily loud. aka the girl who lives in the room adjacent to mine. I swear she’s practically screaming on the phone or something
Good advice to give? stop comparing yourself to others. self-worth is not quantifiable in that way.
Recommend three songs: Ghost - Mystery Skulls, So We Can Stay Alive - Garbage, Lemon Scent - Dead Sara

bullcrappery  asked:

IT'S 12:30 IN THE MORNING AND I HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW BUT I FINALLY FINISHED YOUR TMM FIC AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW FUCKING EMO I AM RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT YOU'RE A GREAT WRITER

WAIT YOU HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW BUT YOU LIVE ON THE EAST COAST? ARE YOU CANADIAN? 

ALSO. 

I’M SO SORRY THAT YOU DECIDED TO READ IT WHEN IT HAD THAT AS AN ENDING, I FEEL JUST A LITTLE BIT BAD ABOUT IT. BUT I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT, I ALWAYS LOVE HEARING THAT, AND THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ah ty all so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is wonderful!!!!!!!!

@haganenobeato, @wrongnote, @didsomeonesayroyai, @jouissezduprintemps

alrighty

  1. i like my hair! sometimes it curls wonderfully, sometimes it Doesn’t
  2. i like how tall i am
  3. writing has been coming really easy to me right now - and i genuinely like what i’m publishing atm so that’s a Bonus
  4. i’ve also been listening to my old compositions and i am also liking them!!!!!!! there’s one i’m quite proud of that is making me have feelings about a dork and his babysitter so it might make it’s way on here maybe…
  5. actually my muse has been very kind to me recently……..i guess i like it(?) too????? idk what’s keeping it happy but i ain’t complaning

“I just can’t wait to forget how much it hurts,” she said. My little sister, 17 and naive and so in love, had woken me up at 2am, crying because her boyfriend had broken up with her. “I never want to remember what I’m feeling right now.”

I pet her hair back as her head laid in my lap. “But you will remember it,” I told her. “You always will. Even ten years from now, when three other boys have come and gone since him, you will remember it. Because this is the only time you will have believed every word he said. This is the only time your whole heart will get involved. This is the only time you will be blindsided.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You’ll remember this pain for the rest of your life. But pain is natural. It’s how we protect ourselves.”

—  excerpt from an unfinished book #133
  • you are allowed to have feelings
  • you are allowed to feel intensely
  • you are allowed to be emotional
  • you are allowed to be sad
  • you are allowed to be angry
  • you are allowed to be hurt
  • you are allowed to be frustrated
  • you are allowed to be happy
  • you are allowed to be excited
  • you are allowed to be enthusiastic
  • you are allowed to feel your feelings
  • your feelings are not bad or shameful
  • your feelings are not too much
  • you are not too much
  • cassian in rogue one novel, every five minutes:
  • is jyn cold? i think she needs medical help. JYN? WHERE ARE YOU JYN? JYN. DON’T DO THAT, JYN PLEASE. SHE'S GONNA GET HERSELF KILLED. why am i thinking about her so much this doesn’t make Sense, i don’t... understand. BECAUSE *I DON’T* LIKE HER AT ALL. i also don’t need her now, she’s expendable. *shouts* WHERE’S JYN? [shut up cassian don’t show any weakness] *feels rage* WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO HER? SHIT SHE MIGHT END UP KILLING ME... why can’t i leave her behind?.... i should just leave her behind, right? because that’s a good idea. BUT I NEED TO SAVE HER. stop thinking about her, cassian. hey jyn. J Y N.
2

so i was thinking abt how the Reveal™ changes things (whats new) and im just. laughing so much. i laughed at this scene the first time round cause he sounds so pouty and offended and i thought that was because yeah viktor he has confidence in himself and just assumed yuuri would like it etc etc but now its even funnier cause viktor’s just going “you stripped and grinded on me and asked me to be your coach and i flew halfway across the world to accept the offer and???you dare????to look like you didnt enjoy it???????? i came here to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now” im dying please send help

Take a minute

Dear everyone who’s extremely stressed with whatever work you may have right now,
I love you and I feel you. You are strong and you can do this and when you do it will feel so amazing. You have a beautiful brain and the things you can do are absolutely astonishing. I know you can do this, keep going and you’ll get there. I love you so much

Love,
Someone like you

8

Winter is coming, have some V3 icons!  c:

Feel free to use them eyyy

((Happy Holidays everyone!!! <3
i’m so sorry for the hiatus in ask-soriel! >< i’m still not dead and really wanna get back to updating here… sadly i’ve been very busy with commissions recently, and i really need the money to help at home right now (it’s pratically my job now, and has been helping A LOT!)
i’m very happy to be getting so many commission requests. thank you so much! i know this blog has been immensely important for my popularity as an artist increasing so much this year. i’d like to thank you guys for all the love and all the nice messages i’ve ever received, for bearing with the slow updates and the fashiontale posts…
once again, i’m so sorry for the ask box been closed for such a long time, and i sure hope i can open it again soon~!))

First of all let me just say I know what you mean when you say you can’t live without him, I know how much it breaks your heart to think about him sleeping next to someone who isn’t you. I know how much it makes your soul bleed to have to picture your life without him, trust me, I know. And I know that right now you’re utterly convinced that he is the one for you even though deep down you know he isn’t, but right now the idea of him feels so right and you don’t want to start over with somebody else. But let me tell you that your heart beat way before him and your lungs could breathe way before you even knew of his existence and they’ll continue to do so way after he’s gone. Life has no pause button, it goes on with or without you. You cannot continue to force something that is out of your control. If it isn’t right anymore you have to be able to admit that and walk away from it even if you think it’ll burn your life to the ground because you don’t think you can breathe without him, newsflash: you can and you will, because sometimes you have no other choice.
—  Excerpt of a book I’ll never write

even finally finally letting isak know how he truly feels, letting him know that he’s scared, not trying to be positive, not trying to be optimistic, and isak not letting even’s words change his perception, not letting them make him doubt. 

because isak wants this to work so much, and he’s willing to put in all the necessary effort in order to make it work. and he’s so certain that it will work, you can tell he has that gut feeling and no one’s going to make him change his mind. he has so much faith in their love, in them, and he’s thinking “if you don’t feel like you have enough faith right now, if you’re too hurt for that right now, that’s okay. i’ll still stay. i’ll have enough faith for the both of us” 

Your Views May Vary

Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss have always been very pro-fandom. I sense that many people are not feeling that right now, but I think this episode is more of a love letter to fandom than some may be inclined to think.

One of the most beautiful things about this series, for me as a fan writer, was the number of scenes that don’t exist on the screen but the story builds upon. It’s what I loved so much about series 2 in particular, and dissecting it has taught me so much about story construction. 

There’s all kinds of things going on under the surface that we can pull out and explore, but they aren’t just sideshows or what ifs. The story depends on you pulling them out and exploring them, it counts on it. There are weeks in A Scandal in Belgravia that the story relies upon, and we jumped right into them and give them life. All the dialogue that must have been spoken, or not. All the little intimacies that are clearly there, just below the surface. These things are foundational, and absent. We are expected to fill them in.

This series is perhaps the most blatant on that front because of the way that we went from The Lying Detective to The Final Problem. John had said his final goodbyes to Sherlock. He was angry all over again about Sherlock’s 2 year absence. Even once they’d half-repaired things between them, it was still over. John was about to duck out 20 minutes early. He couldn’t bear to sit there with Sherlock. He was running from Sherlock emotionally, not running towards him. 

Then finally: one honest conversation. All the right questions asked. Both of them open and exposed, staring at each other. John might still have left. He might have still run from it, this terrible, wonderful, dangling possibility, but he doesn’t. John gives in, and cries. It’s a very vulnerable and emotional moment he is willing to share in Sherlock’s presence. Sherlock doesn’t run from it either, though in other times and places he probably would have. Sherlock goes to him. Sherlock takes John in his arms.

Then they have cake.

Fanfiction asks: what happened? What happened before cake? What happened after it? Well, we had another episode, so we held our breaths and wonder if the story will fill it in for you. This one didn’t, it jumped ahead in time. It showed us, not the immediate emotional follow up, but where that follow up landed afterwards. They showed the result of those scenes that aren’t there. Those scenes are important, relied upon, and absent.

You may feel disappointed by that, I can understand that. This show has never been willing to handhold you through very much, it expects you to run alongside this speeding train of an emotional through line. They have every reason to think we can do that: we’ve been doing it since S1.

Where they are in The Final Problem is a far cry from where they were an episode prior. Something fundamental has shifted between them. Something critical has changed. The status of Sherlock and John’s relationship in this episode, how incredibly in sync they are, how in tune they are with each other’s emotions, how they never once doubt one another, how concerned they are for each other, how included they are in each other’s emotional lives, each other’s families, how bare and naked they can be together without hesitating or flinching: that’s a statement, and it’s giving us an answer to the question of what happened between The Lying Detective and The Final Problem. This is how close they have grown.

Fiction is collaborative, always. As the audience we aren’t just watching, we’re imagining, we’re creating this story along with the writers and the actors and the production team. The audience filling in the gaps. A creator who is aware of that allows those gaps to exist so that they can be filled by the audience. They set them up and give it to us, and then depend on what we’ve created, like a rung in a ladder. They give us a start and an end point, and let us have the joy of working out the middle. And then they build on that middle, as if it’s part of the show. Because it is.

so many goddamn rogue one feelings right now
  • the landscapes of Lah'mu, its rings hanging in the sky above. that first shot of the death troopers.
  • “Trust goes both ways.”
  • Galen’s revenge.
  • Jedha’s destruction, perversely beautiful. 
  • “Stardust… I have so much to tell you.”
  • “I’ve been in this fight since I was six years old.”
  • “Be careful not to choke on your aspirations, Director.”
  • “I’ll be there for you… The captain said I have to.”
  • Jyn giving Kay a blaster. Kay’s last stand. 
  • “I am one with the Force, the Force is with me.”
  • Bodhi, a former lowly Imperial cargo pilot, almost single-handedly making the crucial transmission possible.
  • Stardust.
  • the Star Destroyers colliding. 
  • “I wonder if anyone’s listening.”
  • the Death Star looming in Scarif’s sky. 
  • the Death Star’s laser reflecting green in Krennic’s eyes as he looks up at it, his own masterpiece that’s about to annihilate him.
  • “Your father would be proud.” Jyn and Cassian’s final embrace.
  • Vader’s rampage.
  • hope.