and i have about zero chances of ever seeing it

The issues with the recovery vs. anti-recovery discourse in a nutshell.

First problem: Nobody knows what anyone else is talking about (but they keep arguing like they do).

no one actually defines recovery the same way.

  • when we talk about ‘recovery’ half of y'all use that word to mean “doing what you can to manage better in your day to day lives” and the other half use it to mean “being totally cured, completely and utterly mental illness/neurodivergence/disability free” so we constantly end up with 2 or more people arguing about recovery thinking the people they’re arguing with are defining it the same way as they are but in reality everyone involved is talking about a different thing entirely.

whether you define recovery as managing better or being cured there’s also an issue of interpretation there because different people have different ideas about what managing better and being cured mean as well.

  • does 'managing better’ mean simply doing what you can with what you have? or are we defining it as nothing short of getting out every day and living some 9-5 job, white picket fence sort of life? i’ve seen people define it both ways and a thousand ways in between. when you consider recovery to be about being 'cured’, how do you define that? how do you see it happening? are you acknowledging that there are people who cannot or do not want to be cured and saying this shit anyway or are you only thinking about say, only depression, but simply not naming that thing in your post which brings me to

when we talk about mental illness, neurodivergence, and disability, people are STILL hopelessly vague.

  • take a sentence like “if you’re mentally ill recovery is possible” and ask yourself what mental illness are we talking about? what is your definition of recovery? because we’ve already established that 'recovery’ could mean any number of things and 'mental illness’ tells us nothing. are we talking about depression or anxiety? or are we talking about personality disorders? psychotic disorders? what? saying you can be cured from depression is not the same as saying you can be cured from a personality disorder - tips people share to help manage anxiety are not going to be applicable to all mental illnesses. y'all are constantly saying 'mental illness’ in posts when you’re actually only talking about depression or something and people with mental illnesses that are not depression are reading that and thinking “what the fuck” because what’s true for depression is categorically false for plenty of other shit.

people are constantly ignoring physically disability and chronic illness in discussions about recovery.

  • 'recovery’ is not only a term used in discussions WRT mental illness but also with physical illness and disability so when a person who is chronically ill or physically disabled sees a vague “recovery is possible” post even if you did not intend for it to be about them they have no way of knowing that when you’re being vague as fuck about what you’re actually saying and who it is your post is about. and i shouldn’t need to explain to y'all why telling a person who is physically disabled and has zero chance of that ever changing that they can be 'cured’ is on a whoooole other level than telling someone with depression they can be cured.

Problem Two: Y'all can’t tell the difference between personal anecdotal posts and posts that are specifically addressed to/for other people.

raise your hand if you’ve been victimized by regina george had some “we can’t all be neurotypical karen” comment added to a post you made about your own experience with some kind of coping mechanism or something you did that helped you with whatever is going on with you?

  • a lot of people involved in these discussions see a post that says “i tried yoga and it helped with my depression” and they think it’s the same thing as “you need to try yoga because it will cure your depression” but…they are totally different. personal anecdotes are not personal recommendations, a person talking about something THEY did to help with THEIR self =/= a person telling YOU what to do to help with YOURSELF.

y'all also constantly misconstrue posts that are brainstorming different potential coping mechanisms and positive things to do with posts that are specifically instructing you to do something and assuming that these posts are guaranteeing you 100% that all the things on them will work or your money back.

  • example: y'all see a post that’s like “here’s a list of some positive things you can do to help with your anxiety” and you think the OP is specifically saying that all of them will work for everyone…but that’s not what those posts are about. they’re not instructions, they’re ideas. they’re not meant to tell a person what to do or even promising them that any of that shit will work, they’re for brainstorming and coming up with something that might be helpful.

Problem Three: Some of y'all think too narrowly.

a lot of people on this site have an issue with black and white thinking.

  • nuance who? y'all don’t get that not only are all mental illnesses, neurodivergencies, and disabilities the same but that people who have the same thing are not going to experience that thing in the same way. example: two people with bpd can have a WILDLY different experience with it and can have wildly different methods of dealing with it. what works for the one can have the absolute opposite affect on the other.

y'all assume that you can see one post a person made or even a couple of posts and you think you know everything there is to know about them and their experiences.

  • but a person’s blog is only just a SMALL window into their life (even when they run a blog specifically about their mental illness, neurodivergence or disability you STILL don’t know even the half of what there is to know about them). you can’t see a couple of negative posts and assume that that means the person making them is “doing nothing” to help themselves or that they’re “anti recovery” because those posts are just a small fraction of who they are and what they’re doing. this is also even more ridiculous of an assumption because plenty of people use their blogs specifically FOR venting their negative shit and who someone is IRL is never going to be a living, breathing personification of who they are in their vent tag.

as much as people talk about “the mental illness community” or whatever, the fact is we’re not actually a community.

  • we’re a bunch of people with one common thing posting in the same tags and occasionally we form little connections when we all follow some of the same blogs and we see the same familiar usernames but we’re not a community in the sense that there’s a community leader or a set of community rules or a list of things unifying us together or, for that matter, any actual interaction between us. the fact is that tumblr is a website with MILLIONS of users and the view you have of certain groups of people on tumblr (the mentally ill, neurodivergent, or disabled for example) will depend radically on who you follow and what tags you’re viewing. if you hate being exposed to negativity and people who are negative about their lives, you can prevent that from happening by simply not following those people, by blocking them, and perhaps by finding other tags to post in. saying “tumblr is anti-recovery” is much like saying “the city of new york is anti-recovery” just because you stumbled across some people in a back alley complaining about their anxiety. you can leave the alley and go somewhere else that’s more suited to you, you don’t have to stay and tell the people there to shut up because they’re not being positive enough for you.

And problem four: Some of y'all are just assholes.

  • i think the majority of the recovery/anti-recovery argument could be solved if we were all a little less vague in our posts and made an effort to word them as specifically as possible and if we were all just a little less narrow-minded in both our thinking and listening but there are still people on this site who are just jerks because they will always assume that they know better than anyone else and, worse, that they know other people’s experiences and minds better than those people do and will absolutely lose their shit if anyone tries to tell them otherwise.
  • this goes back to more black and white/no nuance thinking and it’s a problem on this site that goes well beyond recovery discourse. the solution for this is for all of us to try and think more critically, listen more carefully, and consider other people beyond just our initial reactions. most of being an asshole comes down to not caring about other people—not caring about how they feel, what they think, what they have been through—and the rest comes down to caring so much for ourselves and what we personally feel and think about any given thing that it makes us ignorant to everything else, so obsessed with our own opinions that we’re happy to fall face-first into the pond and drown in them. we all have to be cautious that we don’t fall into that and that we don’t end up creating our own little bubbles where our voices are the only ones we hear and we can do that by talking (not vaguely) and even moreso by listening to others when they speak.

sanvers-deserved-better  asked:

The shirt is NO BIG DEAL. It's not offensive, it isn't trashing any actors, it's literally just REAL NEWS headlines about how S2 had some problems, not all of them are about mon*l anyway! If anything, you're making a statement about how feminism was lost this season due to love interests and white bread. Honestly, this is an amazing idea. Go and make a statement!! I support you!!

First of all, thank you so much! I really appreciate the message and the fact that you got exactly what I was trying to do.

And I’m going to use this post to sum up my thoughts on the matter because your ask pretty much nailed everything I wanted to say. I’ve seen a lot of talk about this shirt, both here and on twitter, and I feel like I just need to say one thing…

It’s a t-shirt. It is a t-shirt that just has pictures of article headlines on it that have been written throughout season 2 and one tumblr post (used with permission) about mon*l’s behavior.

That’s it. There is only one use of profanity on it (the word douchebag). There is no nudity or graphic pictures on it. It does not contain offensive content (published criticism about the second season is not offensive). And, as if I would ever do this, there is no bashing of any of the actors on it. Some of the headlines are about mon*l and some are not but the actor is mentioned nowhere on the shirt because it has nothing to do with him and is only about the character.

It is literally just a shirt of season 2 headlines that I decided to make for myself to wear one of the days I’m at comic con. And why did I choose this type of shirt? Because I am really fucking pissed off, to put it mildly.

We lost so many things that I loved in season 1 during season 2. Not to say that there weren’t things I liked (Lena, M’gann, and Cadmus to name some) but overall, where the hell did our fun, hopeful and emotional show that really did try to be feminist disappear to? Where did the real Danvers sisters go? Where are the space family moments? Where did the multiple supportive relationships between women disappear to? Where did Kara’s Kryptonian heritage, rage, and grief go? What was James (the kind, healthy season 1 love interest) doing 90% of the time? Why was Kara Zor-El isolated from all the support systems she had in season 1? Why did season 2 feel like a different show that wasn’t really about Supergirl anymore?

The answers are in the articles that all the shirt headlines are from. So I made the shirt and put it up and if others also want the shirt because they, too, are frustrated and hurt by the path season 2 took, then sure.

It is literally just a way for me to deal with a disappointing season of Supergirl, a season that did its best to not be about Supergirl and instead focus on mon*l. A season that took all sorts of red flag behaviors and tried to make them romantic.

And I saw comments that said why don’t I try a positive approach and focus on what I liked? Why not some pro supercorp shirts? And if things were better and season 2 had gone a very different route, I probably would have done this. But at the same time, doing so would make it feel like all of this negativity about mon*l is purely because of a petty ship war and not because of the very real problems people have with his character. And I love supercorp, but this shirt has absolutely nothing to do with ship preferences. Or actors. It’s just about the very noticeable problems of season 2, many of which do center around a certain character.

That’s literally all it is. Just a shirt with headlines I wanted to wear one day. And side note, there is no way in hell a shirt like this would ever get someone kicked out of a con. Much less SDCC. Have you seen what people wear there? On a scale of 1-10 this is a .5. And to those worried about what the actors might think if they see a shirt that has some criticizing headlines on it, the chances of them seeing it, let alone actually focusing and taking the time to read it in such a chaotic atmosphere is pretty much zero. And if that somehow happens, it’s not even criticizing them.

So if you want to be upset over it, go ahead. But it is nowhere near as upset as I am that my absolute favorite show that got me through some very hard times is now a show where the titular female lead got sidelined in order to focus on a toxic male.

Forbidden Love


Pairing: Klaus x Reader

Summary: Can you do a Klaus imagine were Klaus has to sneak into the readers room at night because her brothers Damon and Stephen are super protective and doesn’t want her near Klaus.

House arrest, that’s what your over-protective, controlling brothers said to you. They were keeping you on freaking house arrest to prevent any interactions with Klaus. You couldn’t believe it, the audacity, the nerve they had to pull something like this.

“Are you kidding me! You can’t keep me here” you shouted at the both of them.

“It wouldn’t have needed to come to this, if you had just listened” Damon replied, pouring himself bourbon.

Damon was the least sympathetic towards this ordeal, Stefan however you could tell felt guilty but Damon was just being a ass about it.

“Don’t think I’ll ever forget this” staring both of them down, mainly Damon before storming off to the confides of your room.

“Do you think we went too far?” Stefan asked.

“Nope brother, she needs to learn that messing around with Klaus has consequences” Damon took a sip and watched as you marched up the stairs.

Slamming the door behind you, the anger was getting to a boiling point. You hated being controlled, the biggest insult of all was neither Damon or Stefan trusted you to let you decide if Klaus was good for you or not. They practically made that choice for you, assuming they knew best just because they held the title ‘big brothers’, what a load of bullshit it all was.

Kicking off your shoes, not caring where they landed you fell on the bed. A shadowy figure caught your eye, panic set in and you took the fireplace poker ready to attack whoever was outside. The figure crept closer the doors, lifting the poker you swung but a hand caught it in mid air.

“Whatever I did love to make you want to hit me with a poker, I sincerely apologize”. Hearing his voice was a sign of relief, dropping the poker down you wrapped your arms around his neck, taking in his scent.

“I sorry I thought you were someone wanting to break in” you breathed into his neck.

Seeing his smile was all that you needed to lighten your mood, “When then I’m going to have to teach you how to swing, cause it needs some improvement” he mocked.

“That would be great, if I ever was allowed to leave or see you for that matter” you sat on the bed, feeling down all over again. This was horrible, a ridiculous decision that your brothers came too all because of their dislike for Klaus.

He dipped the other side and pulled you closer, “What have they done now?” he asked stroking your hair.

“Forbidden me to see you, like they know a thing about our relationship! I mean who are they to tell me what I can and can’t do, when Damon and Stefan have been pinning away for the same women”. You were in full on rant mode and weren’t showing signs of slowly done anytime soon. Standing up, you paced the huge room back and forth while Klaus just sat looking crossed between amused and outraged.

“They continuously talk about how evil you are, and how your going to hurt me. I know who you are better than my brothers and I can’t believe they have confided me to this house, all because they want to show me just how much power they have all due to the fact they’re my family”.

Taking a deep breath you carried forward with the rant, “Klaus I’m going to go insane if I have to stay here for another minute. I can tell Stefan at least has some sympathy, but Damon couldn’t even give a damn”. Letting out a frustrated scream, Klaus instantly appeared by your side.

“Love take a breath, I’m going to fix this” he said with anger.

Klaus marched towards the door, panic again surged through your body. Running after him you placed two hands on his chest.

“Whatever you’re thinking, please Klaus don’t make this worse. If you go down there they’ll know you sneak in to see me. Damon will do something extreme to stop that from happening…please let’s just stay here.”

Pleading with him wasn’t any good, once Klaus had his mind set on a task, goal or action there was little chance in stopping him or changing his mind.  Softly grabbing your face in his hands he spoke, “Trust me Y/N”. With that he left the room, you right behind him knowing this wasn’t going to end well.

You could hear Damon and Stefan in the living most likely discussing you. Klaus had that determined look in his eyes as he turned the corner Damon immediately stood up.

“Gentlemen it has recently come to my attention that the two of you have forbidden Y/N to come see me. Stefan I thought I knew you better than this, denying your own sister a chance at happiness”. You stood to the side, watching all of this unfold.

“I don’t know how you got in here, but I suggest you use the door that’s right behind you and leave” Damon snarled at Klaus.

At this point Stefan stood up, joining his brother in this western type showdown expect they were no guns, but if worse came to worse they would surly be fangs involved.

“Oh I’ll be glad too, but I won’t be leaving alone”.

“What are you talking about?” Stefan spoke for the first time since this argument.

He pointed to you and said, “If you think I’m leaving Y/N here then you two are even more idiotic than I imagined, she’s coming with me”.

Damon stepped forward trying to very hard to intimidate Klaus, “There is no way that is happening”.

They came eye to eye, face to face. Stefan and you shared a look, ready to intercept if things got heated. Klaus face changed to show Damon who he was messing up, and the reverted back.

“Try and stop me” Klaus whispered in a deadly tone.

He turned around and extended his hand to you which you gladly took, “Come on love let’s get out of here”. Damon vamp speed in front of the door, looking hella pissed.

“Take your hand off her or so help me Klaus”.

Klaus smirked and grabbed Damon throwing him across the room. Damon vamp sped towards him again and got in a punch, before Klaus pinned him to the wall. “I’m a hybrid and 1,000 years old it’s going to take more than that to stop me”.

He squeezed his hands around his throat, making it harder for Damon to breath. Stefan’s eyes went wide and used his vampire strength to free Damon.

“Do you really think this is the best way to convince us that we should let Y/N go with you?”, he asked Klaus.

"I don’t care what you and your brother think Stefan, because either way she’s coming with me”.

Damon coughed several times before straightening his posture, “How about we let Y/N decide”.

All eyes turned to you, not liking the fact you were front and center butterflies erupted in your stomach. “If I stay the chances of you and Stefan allowing me to see Klaus is zero. I get you don’t understand my relationship with me, but have I ever judged the two of you for being involve with Elena?”.

Stepping forward in front of Stefan you gave him a light-hearted smile, “Stefan please I know you understand, even if it’s just a little bit. I promise I will be safe and I’ll come back, but right now I want to go with Klaus”.

In the background Klaus was smirking that he won, sadly giving Stefan one last look you let Klaus open the door for you. Damon stepped forward but Stefan stopped him, the two watched as the door closed, as you had just walked out with their latest enemy not knowing when they’ll see you again.

On becoming a lesbian

I’ve come to discover, through this journey, a number of other women who accepted or realized the full extent of their queerness as fully-formed adults like myself. These women, like me, often had to divert the path of their lives to something new and terrifying when they thought they had their future planned. They too sought out others like them, people who became queer (or more queer) later in life. These women, along with Paul, many of my friends, my family, my therapy groups, and a lot of reading about queerness, have helped me accept this surprising change in myself. But at the same time, I felt there hasn’t been enough written about this sort of shift.

I don’t see the fact that I was bisexual as a phase nor do I see who I am now as a phase. When I was bi, which I firmly believe I was for at least 31 or 32 years even if I don’t choose to use the title anymore, I was absolutely bi. I liked women and men, in about a 45/55 split. It was not a phase. I was less motivated to act on my attractions to women and I ended up in long-term relationships with men, but both attractions were present at the same time. Not all bi people are that way.

In fact, bisexuality is as variable as the many individuals who claim that label.

That’s one of the reasons I’m loathe to give that label up. One of the women I spoke with mentioned that “about every six months or so” she wanted to be with a guy sexually but that otherwise she had no interest in men. Some women found their sexuality to be fluid, where some months they preferred women and some months they preferred men. Other women were attracted only to certain men, but besides that preferred women.

I find myself uncertain about what this will all turn out to look like as part of my life. Part of me still sees myself as bisexual, although I have zero sexual attraction to men. It’s entirely possible that at the end of this journey (whenever the hell that will be, if ever), bisexual will still be the title that matches me the most. But it’s also entirely possible that that’s only because “bisexual” is the label I’m used to putting on myself, even if it’s a label that doesn’t fit anymore. Or maybe I’ll get tired of rejecting men over and over because they’ll assume “bisexual” = “chance at a threesome” and will just use the label lesbian to avoid men. There are no absolutes in life, and I’ve been taught that very well this year.

I’ll admit that, frankly, besides Paul, there aren’t a lot of dudes that I see good in and the odds of me ever being with a guy again that’s not him are minimal if not zero. Women, though, women are magical. Have we talked about how gorgeous and wonderful women are? There’s so much to discover and, as sad as I am to lose my partner, I’m also excited to see what’s out there for me in the world of women. If I ever find someone half as amazing as Paul to be with, I will be a lucky person indeed.

“And now, it’s time for everyone’s favorite game...”

“And welcome back to ‘The Shipping Game.’ I’m your host Gabriel. Let’s welcome our first contestant: He’s a hunter who enjoys reading, spending time on the computer and co-dependency. Let’s all say hello to Sam Winchester!”

“Uh… hi. Is that a microphone or a sucker? And why are you carrying a sword?”
“Well, aren’t you a curious one. Let’s meet our eligible bachelors…”

“Bachelor #1 is an Archangel with a rebellious streak. Say hello to Lucifer.”
“Good evening.”

“Bachelor #2 is a bad boy with a heart of gold. Let’s welcome Gadreel.”
“Hello, brother.”

“And uh… Well, Bachelorette #3 is a California girl who likes thing HOT! Everyone, meet Jessica.”
“Hi There!”

“Alright Sam, now you’re going to ask your prospective partners a series of questions. At the end of the game, you’ll get to choose who you want to be shipped with. Ready?”
“I really don’t think…”
“Great! Let’s begin!”

“Ok… Bachelor #1, describe your perfect date.”

“Hmmm, let’s see… I’d probably take you out, maybe go someplace warm or do a little cage fighting with my brother. And then, at the end of the night, I’d slip into something more comfortable, say… You!”

“Well, that sounds dubious. Bachelor #2, same question.”

“I shall be honest with you, Sam, I don’t get out very much. Maybe go for a walk in a garden… I like gardens. And I promise I’ll be good and I won’t hurt anyone ever again. Just don’t let them put me back in that prison *sob*”

“Yeah, um… Gardens sound great. Bachelorette #3, what about you?”

“Hmmm… Maybe dinner and a movie or a walk on the beach. We’ll just see where the night leads us *wink*”

“Well, I like the sound of that.”

“Of course, with you being Sam Winchester, if any sort of physical relationship develops between us at all, my chances of any long term survival drop to almost zero.”

“*Sigh* Is this really all you have for me?”

“Well, you can always have a taste of my candy *wink*”

“Alright, Bachelor #1, if you were a dinosaur, what kind of dinosaur would you be?”

(Part 2(Part 3)