and i hate layers

I know I have many other things to do, but I have no restraint and all these feelings need to be put somewhere

Little Revan | Darth Revan | Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

Happy Star Wars day!  :)  *sighs wistfully and stares out the window*  But when will BioWare remaster KOTOR? 

(more Star Wars fanart)

2

“[Cheryl] is not just a villain. She’s a three-dimensional person. The reason she’s so angry and lashes out at people is she’s got a horrible home life. The only person who ever cared about her and loved her, her brother, is gone. I love that she’s complex, has these layers. You love to hate her but you understand why she is the way she is. There’s a level of confidence and sassiness to her that I relate to. I’m quite sassy.”

Shortly before Remus Lupin’s fifth birthday, as he slept peacefully in his bed, Fenrir Greyback forced open the boy’s window and attacked him.
— 

Remus Lupin’s full bio, Pottermore.

This is a disturbing bit of information. A lot is said with so little, as is perhaps Jo’s hallmark, but imagine the implications here.

At this particular time, Remus is four years old. He is at the age where many children are sent to attend preschool, and he is able to finally play outside by himself, to eat his own food at the table without any help, and is highly intrigued by humor and makes “poo-poo” jokes just to be daring and self-confident–because he can, because he’s a big kid now. He’s at an age where he is less a toddler and more a true child. He’s more adventurous and daring, and begins to explore his own personality. Remus is a happy child who probably giggles a lot and jumps on the bed just because Daddy said no.

Many children do not remember things before their third or fourth birthday, but Remus is nearing five years old. Whether or not he would have remembered this event in it’s entirety, the event would have been lasting in his mind and Remus would be left with a glaring image that is neither complete truth nor total lie. For Remus, this event was almost surely the “beginning of his life.” In the strange way none of us remember anything before this breakaway point and “none of it happened,” Remus probably does not remember anything before this attack. This was both the literal and figurative birth of Remus Lupin, werewolf.

Moreover, the nature of the attack is clearly hinted at and the potential horror is astounding. Werewolves don’t force open windows. Paws cannot force open windows. This means that Fenrir Greyback had to have entered the Lupin household before moonrise, just prior to his transformation. He did it silently, because Remus fails to grasp at such a young age that the attack was purposeful. He wasn’t scared until the attack itself. But the noise level is irrelevant, because even if there was silence before once the moon rose it wouldn’t have mattered. Four-year-old Remus would be trapped in his  bedroom watching a man transform into a murderous beast right in front of him, and although he screams as loud as he can if Fenrir had time to pry open the window he probably had time to block the door. Lyall can’t get to his son in time, whatever happened. And that kind of trauma is lasting. Whenever Remus goes to sleep now, he is terrified of the memory. He is plagued with nightmares. He is so sick because he’s so small, and he can’t possibly understand why.

Until it happens. Until Remus becomes the thing that haunted his dreams for a month, and nothing can fix that. Much of our personality is formed in these tender years, and the psychological impact of the attack would actually continue to affect Remus for the rest of his life. Not just physically, but psychologically, as well. More than nightmares and new fears, Remus must deal with the new reality of his parents constantly looking tired, constantly worrying, constantly moving around, constantly lying. And Remus can’t help but think it’s his fault, because he’s the sick one. If he wasn’t sick, everything would be better.

That one sentence in the expanse of Remus’ bio is as descriptive as much of the remaining text. And there’s something to be said in the end that Remus’ boggart was not Fenrir. It was not fear of the event that tormented him in childhood, but of his own lack of control during his loss of control. Whatever else the event could have continued to do to him, it didn’t dominate him. Being a werewolf was Remus’ life, of course. Everything he did came through that filter. But he did not hate Fenrir for what he was. He says that he pitied the man who bit him at first, knowing how it felt to transform. But Remus never openly hates Fenrir. He hates that he himself is a werewolf more than he hates the man who made him so, and that’s a huge sign of internal character. That’s who Remus really is when we cut through layers of stigma and self hate. 

to everyone that suffers from sketchbook anxiety

Let me tell you two things that cured the ‘oh no i’m going to ruin this’ that stems from new sketchbooks / blank canvas.

Fuck it up intentionally

This I learned from my painting professor in college.  He had us blindfold ourselves, and then actually really mess up a perfect blank page, and then use it for the exercises that day.  Like we tore into the paper, made some horrible uncoordinated marks.  We even spit on it.  I highly recommend doing this at least once, because it helps dismantle some of the weird perfectionist hangups that a lot of us put on paper.  Helps get rid of the worry of messing up its perfect potential..

Basically if you’re so worried you’re going to mess it up, mess it up intentionally first so you take back control from the floaty head space anxiety gives us, to your hands and actions.

Buy a shitty ass sketchbook.  

Get one of those sketchbooks made for like 5 year olds that hang out in convenience/drug stores by those wonky ass crayons that never color right.  The type that you touch the paper and know it’ll eat a marker head right off. 

Whenever you look at your ‘good’ sketchbook and feel like you’re going to mess it up, use the terrible one instead.  Now you’re still working and sketching and doing with no real pressure since hey, that sketchbook was a piece of crap anyway and cost you like 5 bucks.  My shitty sketcbooks have some of my favorite stuff in them since I relaxed and let myself explore.  It will also remind you why we bother with nice sketchbooks in the first place because let me tell you that paper is god awful.

A big reason why I gravitated towards digital art when I was younger was because it was almost impossible to ‘mess it up’.  Make a stupid mark? Undo.  Don’t like the initial sketch? Delete the layer.  Hate the whole thing? Don’t save it.   ((I still do all of these things, but now at a much lesser rate))

Take some of the holiness out of your tools.   Realize that its the process that matters most, and keep your eyes forward.  I think especially here on tumblr where a lot of ‘sketches’ that are more towards illustrations that happen to be in a sketchbook build up this head space that everything in your sketchbooks have to be perfect and beautiful.  Sketchbooks are your play areas, where you can fuck around at your heart’s content.   Have some fun with them.  

Hope this helps~

Did Usopp write this post

anonymous asked:

LEELA PLS ANALYZE THE NEW DAPCRAFTS VID I CANT STOP SCREAMING

it was,,,,,, so fucking good. i just need to rant for a bit about so many aspects of this video because like not only was it genuinely so funny and original and creative, it was just SO WELL MADE. there were so many small details about it that i couldn’t even believe.  they put so much actual effort into it and they’re also both so naturally funny when it comes to this kind of humor. ahhhh there were so many good things to talk about that i hardly know where to begin or like how to even organize my thoughts so just like,,, be ready bc this is about to be the most incoherent ramble 

first of all. dnp work so well together. i mean. we know this, we see it all the time. but there’s a lot of humor in the crafts videos that is just completely improvised within the larger pre-planned structure/concept. and they bounce off each other SO well in this setting (maybe even better than they do in many of their normal collabs, at least from a comedic standpoint.) i think a lot of this has to do w the fact that the satirical cheeriness of the “characters” that they play, that is over-emphasized to the point of being creepy, just lends itself really well to so many amazing one-liners. but also they just have such good chemistry that is so readily apparent in this context,,, it makes me emotional. they consistently set each other up for jokes, if one person improvises a certain action or behavior the other goes along with it or reacts to it immediately and that’s a mark of rly well-practiced entertainers but also two people who know each other really well and i love watching it play out.

i also do have to acknowledge that they are both fundamentally quite talented. all three of the craft videos are examples of really genuinely witty humor and they showcase that side of dnp so well. both of them also have such a good sense of comedic timing and even an intuition for physical comedy and they’re also rly creative with how they edit these videos and the union of all of those elements is what makes these videos so good in my opinion. while i believe dan’s explanation that the first crafts video was filmed quite spontaneously without much of a plan (and that’s why it’s super short and not as funny as the latter two imo), i do think they put a lot of thought and effort into this one which is quite clear through many of the details they worked into the video both during the filming itself and then afterwards in the editing. first of all the overall concept of them being taken by satan as a culmination of the extremely subtle creepy undertones from the first one is just so smart bc no one would expect them to take it that far and the total hyperbolic unlikeliness of it is what makes it so damn funny. i think most ppl were expecting when dan said he’s keeping his stamp a secret that it would just be some sort of satanic symbol like what happened in the glitter faces vid but like,,, no one thought it’d escalate to where it did. it was so unexpected and over the top but somehow still not overdone or so forced as to dilute the comedy. it synthesized humor with genuinely unsettling creepiness and that is such a difficult balance to achieve. 

you can tell they put a lot of thought into it on so many levels. for instance they worked in all these rly subtle allusions to satan himself before the weird ritual scene happens, like dan saying “this one’s long with a big head like him” (ty for describing satans cock to us dan jfc) and phil saying “i’ve selected as many knives as friends i have, which is two.” then even during the ritual scene they work in things like the cow noise since a common satanic symbol is a horned deity (baphomet lol). and in their new channel description they use the case file name 19-1-20-1-14 which decodes to the word “satan” if you use a basic letter-number cipher (in which each number stands for the letter that is that position in the alphabet. ’s’ is the 19th letter, ‘a’ is the first, and so on.) and there are so many other little editing quirks that give this video that unsettling undertone, as well as editing quirks that add to the comedy of it and it’s all just so well done. for example the voice editing on certain words like “sharp” and “go away.” the audio overlays of heavy breathing at various points and random cuts to black screens. the use of creepy music at strategic places throughout. at 4:36 they recorded themselves saying protip backwards just to reverse it and they even spell out the “protip” text backwards, seemingly both as a way to shit on the whole ‘protip’ trope from the last vid and also to make fun of the way that satanists/conspiracy theorists think there are hidden messages in popular songs and shit that u can only hear if u play the audio backwards. ugh i hate them and their many layers of references. phil also references this again during the ritual part, when dan lights the match (he just goes “portip” “portip” as though he’s trying to say it backwards lol.) and then they fuck around w the word protip throughout the video almost like they’re making fun of it. there’s also definitely a subtle pitch manipulation of their voices as the video progresses. by the end they sound like they’ve sucked on a little bit of helium but it happens gradually enough that you’re just a little bit put off and you can’t really place why. then there’s the little comedic touches like the siren sound when “carefully” flashes across the screen. the fact that the legal disclaimer for adult supervision is cut off at the sides. the zoom in on the fleck of green paint that lands on dan when phil’s pouring it into the plate. ugh like damn i just want to make the point that they clearly put work into this and on face value it seems like a shoddy home video w a weird satanic ending but there’s a reason this works so well and feels so creepy and simultaneously laugh out loud funny and it’s bc they’re genuinely talented and we don’t always get to see that creative talent at work in their standard formulas for videos on their regular channels so i’m just so grateful that they made something like this where it seems like they allow themselves to exercise more of that creative energy. it begs a lot of questions about why they don’t do shit like this more,,,  and i think there are a number of reasons they feel safe and happy making what they generally make now but i’m jst so happy that at least in these videos they’ve branched out and done something so creative and good.

on that note. i just need to ramble about phil. i don’t think anyone can dispute that phil really carries these videos and partly that’s because he’s been in the role of the “teacher” in all three videos so he inevitably comes across as more dominant and sets the tone for the humor, but also like,,, he just works so well in this style and comes up with such spontaneous and WITTY little remarks that inevitably become the standout lines from each vid (in this one, for example, “potato is in my top ten favorite fruit,” “sometimes it’s nice to look up at the stars and remember that they’re all already dead,” “if you make a mistake while cutting just think about it for the rest of the day,” etc. and one of my fav from the past, “if you’re left handed ask a friend” (d: why am i left handed) “everybody makes mistakes!”) he also seems to improvise a lot of the physical comedy in the videos (in this one, the way he just stared at the paint as he squeezed it out for way too long, the way he threw around the cutting boards and plates, the way he did the chopping; and in past ones, slamming his hands on the paper and on dan’s hands when mixing the glitters, clacking the scissors super loudly in the first one, etc.) i just love these videos so much bc they’re some of the only ones that we have these days where phil is really doing most of the comedic legwork and dan definitely helps and bounces off of him but mostly lets phil take charge and i live for it. and while there’s obvi no way to tell who rly did the editing for the video (and i’m sure it was a mix of both of them) there’s no denying that the editing style and general creepiness (especially of the ritual sacrifice scene lol) bear a lot of similarities to the feeling/vibe/editing quirks in a lot of phil’s old school videos (i’m thinking like tape 6 and the basket which, if any of you reading these have not watched, please just open a tab right now and do that before you finish reading this lol.) the choppy way the different clips are spliced together in the whole ritual scene (where one second dan is stamping phil, then lighting a match and chanting, then phil’s chanting, then he’s slumped over and then there are two videos overlaid on top of each other when dan is actually stamping phil’s back and then the sudden cut to black) it’s all so reminiscent of those older videos and it does make me feel like phil had a larger creative hand in thinking about how this video should be put together and that just makes me so happy to think about. i’ve always wondered what phil does w his self-professed obsession with horror and his interest in violence and psychological thrillers and whatnot, as well as his former academic/critical study of filmmaking. it makes sense that he doesn’t feel comfortable exploring those interests by making things himself in this genre in a real way and especially not on youtube because his self-described objective through this platform is to provide his audience with light and uplifting entertainment. more pragmatically, he’s trying to make a living from this job and hold somewhat broad-based appeal through the videos he makes and it makes sense that lighter content that doesn’t require too much intellectual rigor would fare better and hold more consistent audience engagement. and more personally, making things on the level of tape 6, even years later w more familiarity with editing and whatnot and perhaps more skill in writing scripts/characters/plots, still would involve a certain degree of personal emotional vulnerability that the current amazingphil format doesn’t demand. in short, venturing into these territories creatively would be a risk on a lot of levels. it would invite more formal critique of his work. it would invite more people trying to read into who he is and his psyche (which are things that i feel like he’s actually terrified of and that’s part of why he’s built such a protective barrier against it). it would be a risk and it makes sense that he doesn’t want to take it, at least not right now. but it’s just lovely to see that he still has the capacity to make things in the vein of those older videos and to make them WITH DAN and mix them with comedy which i need to reiterate is such a hARD THING TO DO!!!! and  idk it just rly makes me so happy to watch and to think about. 

i love phil so much, and none of this is meant to dilute dan’s role since i’m sure he did inform some of the decisions here, but i just think that dan as phil’s biggest fan (since 2007 y’all) would feel many of these same things about phil’s older content and support phil’s desire to engage that darker creative energy/talent he has hiding under all of those layers of syrupy happiness and amiability. i love that this is sort of an update to that vintage dark!phil content bc it’s the same dark undertones, same editing quirks, etc. but now it’s mixed with rly cheeky humor and maybe that’s dan’s influence or maybe it’s still phil, but a phil that has shared his life w someone w this particular irreverent and sarcastic sense of humor for so many years and this video shows the confluence of those two things in such a lovely and original way and just,,,, ugh. this video was so much and i loved it SO much. truly so, so good i was not prepared to feel so many deep-seated Emotions over some god damn satanic propaganda i need help. 

(danandphilcrafts - potato prints)