and i had a lot of feelings

Wasted Breath

Angst prompt:“I’m not pissed, I’m hurt.”

~~~~

It was a stupid thing, honestly, looking back at it Virgil knew that it was a ridiculous thing to be upset over- but the knowledge did nothing to lessen his pain. Roman probably hadn’t even meant to hurt him, and he knew that. Virgil knew Roman, being creativity among other things, tended to be a little bit more act now, think later. 

‘He did it on purpose and you know it. He’s never liked you, you’re everything that gets in his way! Of course he’d say that to you! Why should he be nice to you? Why should he like you?’

~~~~

“Hey kiddo! We’re all gonna watch a movie, why don’t you join us?” Virgil turned as Patton questioned him, a slightly hopeful look on his face. Virgil’s gaze flicked over to Roman briefly before returning to Patton. “Oh, ah-that’s-yeah-” Virgil felt bad when he saw Patton’s smile grow before he continued. “No. I’m not really..interested…”

Patton’s smile fell and Virgil felt even worse now, watching the other side’s shoulders slump slightly in disappointment. “Oh. Okay, that’s okay-” Patton was cut off by Roman as he walked over to the pair.

“What’s going on? I thought we were all ready for Movie Night?” Virgil didn’t look at Roman, wishing he could have just disappeared off to his room before Patton had seen him.

“Oh, well Virgil-” “I was just leaving. You guys go ahead and have fun.” Virgil told them, still avoiding Roman’s gaze. He started to turn to go up the stairs when Roman spoke up again.

“Not so fast, Gloomy Tunes! You’ve been giving us the cold shoulder for days now! You can’t just keep brushing us off like this, I don’t care how angry you may be. It’s not fair for us to so much work into trying to include you only for you to just-just blow us off like this!”

Virgil turned to face Roman with a sneer that he’d perfected to hide his boiling emotions and shield him in a sense. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that treating me like another person took so much effort out of you. Please forgive me for my ignorance, your highness.” he spat the words, shocking Patton and causing Logan to intervene.

“Virgil, please calm down. Roman merely chose poor phrasing, I’m sure you know he did not mean it in the way it sounded-” Virgil scoffed “Of course he meant it that way, I’ve heard it all before. We’ve all heard it, Princey doesn’t like me. Big-freaking-news. I really don’t care.”

Patton looked between Virgil and Roman, expression a mix of worry and desperation. “No-Virgil-kiddo that’s not-”

“What’s your problem? Huh? We’re just trying to be nice! And you just have to be so completely rude and- and utterly cross!” Roman was glaring at Virgil now, but his words brought forth a bitter laugh from the anxious side.

“You-you think. Oh, that’s golden.” Virgil’s shield was cracking and he knew it. He had nothing left to protect him from the truth. “I’m not pissed. I’m fucking hurt, you jerk.”



@didsomeonesayprince @not-so-innocent-bi-sander @milomeepit @twentyoneparades-to-panic-at @enigmasalad @cloudchaser7 @thelogicalloganipus 

anonymous asked:

In Rivals, you mentioned how Viktor thought he was in love when he saw Yuuri perform his routine, but didn't fall truly in love until Moscow. Was that in your original draft? Or did interaction with your readers made you realize that perhaps Viktor's assumption had been premature? Just curious because I know many readers noted that Viktor didn't know Yuuri enough at that point, so I wonder if their thoughts changed the story?

Yes, that was in the original plan as soon as I saw episode 10, so about chapter 2 of umfb&mha I think (although the Moscow arc for Yuuri had been planned since the very beginning). Viktor in the very first draft pre episode 10 wasn’t actually going to fall for Yuuri until much, much later but then episode 10 came along and we finally had a Viktor POV and a much better idea of his character and motivations to work from. One of the things that struck me (and I loved) was that Viktor ‘fell in love’ with Yuuri at the banquet because Yuuri brought excitement back into his life/gave him inspiration for the future etc etc etc. And Viktor felt strongly enough that he gave up his career and moved countries on the assumption that Yuuri’s stay close to me was calling to him (which it actually wasn’t really since Yuuri never intended for that video to be posted and was skating for Yuuko). So while the idea of love at first sight is cute and all, that could have gone really horribly wrong for Viktor. Yuuri wasn’t acting like he was at the banquet (due to being sober and having no memory of what he’d done), he initially had no idea why Viktor was there and for the first few episodes he was very closed off and reserved (until he finally started opening up properly at the beach scene, and even then he still kept enough to himself that ‘let’s end this’ ended up happening). So the Yuuri that Viktor met in Hasetsu was very different to the Yuuri he fell for on that first night and flew across the world for. But the best part is that Viktor fell in love with him anyway. That summer they spent together that we never got to see was where they actually got to know each other as people and fell in love, which all lead up to the episode 7 kiss. 

So basically, I was really fascinated by how Viktor must have fallen in love twice, once at the banquet and once later in Hasetsu. I strongly believe that some drunken dancing and Yuuri asking Viktor to be his coach isn’t enough for actual love from either of them. You can have a crush on someone after that, you can be infatuated with them after that. But a real love that’s going to last has to be built on something more substantial. So Viktor thinks he’s in love enough with Yuuri to fly halfway across the world for him. But then he had to spend time with Yuuri to get to know him as he really is, and fall in love with him all over again, before they could actually be sure a relationship between them was going to work. And that relationship they built between them was so much stronger and much more likely to last. 

So, trying to get to the point of this very long winded reply, I saw canon Viktor as feeling like he fell in love at first sight with Yuuri that first banquet but a real, strong and lasting love only developed between them once they’d actually spent time together and got to know each other. So, in the Rivals universe, Viktor was in a similar place to canon Viktor was at the banquet. He was feeling uninspired, he was lonely, skating didn’t bring him joy anymore. Then Yuuri did something that brought inspiration and excitement back into his life and Viktor fell in love at first sight. But he didn’t really know Yuuri, they hadn’t even really spent much time together, just like they hadn’t at the banquet in canon. Viktor clung onto the idea of love even though they went a long time without speaking (like the months between the GPF and Viktor actually arriving in Hasetsu in the spring), misinterpreted some of Yuuri’s skating as a message to him (like he mistook Stammi Vicino as Yuuri calling out to him to come to Hasetsu) and when he first got together with Yuuri he assumed things were going to go much smoother than they actually were because he was ‘in love’. 

The Moscow arc was always planned because a happy ending couldn’t have existed without it. It was planned from the very beginning for Yuuri because it was when he actually got to know Viktor as a person and realised he’d been wrong about him all along. It also showed him that he and Viktor actually fit together really well in a domestic setting and he loved being around him and wanted to stay that way. And for Viktor, it gave him the opportunity to actually get to know Yuuri as a person, rather than the idealized version that existed in his head. It gave him a chance to actually fall in love in a way that they could actually build a relationship on, rather than what Viktor had been feeling before which he finally recognized as not really love. Moscow was designed to essentially be a domestic test run because before that, their relationship had basically played out like a passionate affair would. Lots of nights in hotel rooms and too sudden goodbyes and tumultuous emotions. Which really isn’t a good basis for an actual relationship. Then they had Moscow, which let them see that they were actually happiest walking the dog together and watching bad soap operas curled up on the sofa together and eating meals together etc etc etc. Because realistically, that’s what an actual relationship is going to be like and if you can’t love someone like that, it’s not really love. 

So to make a very long story short, I don’t believe that ‘love at first sight’ is a real, lasting kind of love. But I do believe that it can become it, if the people involved actually spend lots of time together and get to know each other as people and allow themselves to fall in love with each other all over again. So Viktor fell for Yuuri when seeing him perform his routine, just as he fell for Yuuri during the banquet in canon. But it was only after spending time getting to know the real Yuuri that he realised he was actually much more in love with this version than the romanticized version he had created in his head after such a short encounter. And that love, based on a blossoming friendship and comfortable domesticity and being happy just existing in each other’s presence, was the kind that’s built to last

anonymous asked:

"You dropped it; finders keepers" IM DEAD XD also I wasn't really looking for a shock moment I mostly just wanted to see bucky's fixation on tony and his way of looking at the world.

Rhodey, outraged, summoning the War Machine armor: i didn’t drop SHIT

Mm! To me it seems like a lot of people really adore that ‘shock and awe’ moment of ‘here it is, this is it, this person is shining and amazing and i have immediately fallen in love and will devote myself from here on out’ - and I love it too, honestly, but I’ve never been able to write it. That’s not how I write attraction and love *shrug* The more I struggled to answer your ask to my satisfaction, the more confused and twisted up i made myself lmao. I really just take Bucky’s fixation on Tony for granted. 

So the thing about Bucky is that despite everything, he stockholmed himself to his captors, even when they brutalized him. That takes a special level of survival drive - a special level of incredible emotional and psychological damage. I rarely bother with writing a Bucky that thinks he ‘can become’ a Real Boy or even wants to become a ‘real boy.’ I’m honestly too convinced of the fact that he’s too damaged to allow that kind of concept to cross his mind out of pure self preservation. He doesn’t get frustrated with himself over his PTSD and breaks from reality because that’s just How Bucky Barnes Functions. That’s just business as usual for him.

He does get frustrated when other people expect him to behave as a standard issue human, though, because why would he? Spring a surprise party on him and almost get shot in the face, and honestly that’s your own fault because what did you think was going to happen, really?? Whereas if Natasha or Tony nearly shoot you in the face over a surprise party, they’ll be embarrassed and give themselves a hard time about it. Instead of, you know, correctly wondering what the fuck people who know you have PTSD and hyper-vigilance issues thought they were doing.

So anyway, Bucky and his weird fixation on Tony. I phrase it this way because in the end, all things end up coming back to Tony with Bucky. He’s more than happy to live out his life in a rural village doing handy work for dinner. Bucky’s motivations mostly revolve around ‘what can I do that will cause the least amount of damage to everyone involved.’ He basically wants to live quietly while helping people, which is something native to his basic personality. 

Prior to Siberia, Bucky would have been willing to fight whatever ‘good fight’ Steve brought to his door if it were necessary (his opinion previous to the bombing was ‘you have a perfectly good team, steve, fuck off’ but then he got backed into a corner and took the best way out of it). Bucky doesn’t want to fight. He’s an incredibly effective weapon. People will die.

Then you bring him into contact with Tony Stark, and whereas before that, Tony Stark is like a talisman against the destruction wrought by the Winter Soldier (kind of a forest fire analogy, and a weird, twisted one, since Tony was never actually in danger from the winter soldier), Bucky basically gets all his Winter Soldier baggage rubbed in his face like a naughty dog. He spent years unable to escape the legacy of Stark Industries no matter where he went, carefully attaching all this baggage to Tony Stark, and now Tony Stark is in his face demanding answers, demanding he take responsibility and quit pretending what happened doesn’t matter.

Bucky would have been weird about any of the survivors of families he’s decimated. The fact that Tony ties in closer to his forgotten past and could-have-been future than the others is only salt on the wound. The fact that Steve and the rest of the team are tied up in knots about Tony Stark only exacerbates the situation. Bucky hasn’t been able to escape the legacy of Tony Stark since he got away from Hydra. He’s like some kind of omnipresent force of nature, like the sun if the sun wanted you to answer to your sins.

HYDRA happened to Bucky. Steve happened to Bucky. But Bucky happened to Tony Stark, and that matters. So.

in the brokemachine verse, Thanos invades before this matter of the pardons could go down, and it was the rogues’ actions during the invasion that creates the opportunity for talk about pardons (services rendered etc etc). Bucky is deeply baffled by the fact that Tony would be working to get the pardons signed when he no longer has use for any of them. T’Challa, due to his obligations towards Bucky and his work with Tony during and in the aftermath of the invasion, orchestrates a situation where both of them can resolve their issues with one another, starting with Bucky asking to be allowed a pardon, and Tony working on that outside of trying to leverage Bucky’s pardon against Steve.

Bucky starts to contemplate the idea of actually resolving his Winter Soldier issues now that Tony’s opened a path to do so, and as Tony is the one that’s orchestrated this opportunity to start making amends, Bucky focuses on Tony. Tony is the injured party, Tony made it possible for Bucky to ‘come home,’ Tony is paying for the therapy and experimental procedures to fix Bucky, Tony is still wandering around with those dark eyes and that clenched jaw, designing up and maintaining a better arm than Bucky’s ever had before. It’s Tony’s ghost telling him he’s still not doing enough, and Tony rejecting his apologies (and why shouldn’t he, it’s not like Bucky can make amends for what he did, he can’t unkill Tony’s parents, undo Steve’s secrets), and Tony who holds Bucky’s fate in the palm of his hand and despite the bitterness and resentment, never curls that hand shut and crushes Bucky the way he should.

Bucky starts to work incredibly hard on resolving/owning the whole Winter Soldier mess (violently destabilizing himself in the process) because he’s trying to measure up to becoming something Tony Stark can approve of - or if not that, at least use. Bucky seeks absolution from Tony because Tony needs him to, and it’s the least Bucky can do for all the expense Tony has put out on maintaining Bucky.

So they have this weird kind of unspoken dialogue, and then in a broke machine, Tony consciously lets go of his anger and resentment, thus releasing Bucky from the burden of absolution, and allowing their relationship to evolve into something new and nurturing. They can start to heal together instead of working at odds to one another.

Well, as much healing as Bucky can do anyway. He has a safe space to figure out what the fuck is going on with his head and what he actually wants from the world at large, now, because Tony was generous before he liked Bucky, and he only all too clearly likes Bucky now, and the idea of someone actually liking Bucky as he is, now, instead of just working with him for someone else’s sake, or because of the man he once was, or because they pity him  - well. No one thinks of a cat as greedy for curling up in a warm spot of sunshine all to themselves, do they?

Gotta give the Wind In Your Back and The Sword By Your Side some love every now and then ya know??

OOC. thank you for all of your birthday wishes!!! i’ll reply to them shortly. for real tho, i had the best birthday i’ve ever had ; __ ; @dolliebird took me to the zoo on monday, and while we were there, they dropped that we weren’t going home… because they’d booked a room at a 5 star hotel for the night???! and dinner at a restaurant and????? it had champagne and fancy chocolates and fUCKK…… it was so fucking nice. we spent all of yesterday exploring the town and did TWO!!!! escape the rooms (WE DIED THE FIRST TIME BC WE COULDN’T GET OUT BEFORE WE GOT SACRIFICED) but got out of the second one (it was a serial killer motel, loved that shit). they spoil me so fucking much like……… i have no words. i don’t wanna come back to the real world rn, but it rly was like. the best birthday i’ve ever had and i love them so much im gonna DIE.

8

“All of the guys, all men, all boys, always had a figure to look up to. Whether it’s Superman or Batman or Spider-Man or whatever it is, they always had heroes to look up to, and for girls it’s always the princesses who are being saved, who are being passive. Finally, there’s Wonder Woman. She’s fierce, she’s proactive, she believes in herself, she believes she can do everything, and that’s a true woman to me.” - Gal Gadot

10

get to know me: [8/10] fav movies → The Iron Giant
“We can’t call Ripley’s Believe It Or Not because… they wouldn’t believe it.” 

“I love Rouge she’s my fave”

“But her design is just awful, sexualization much?”

hey wait but
merle said he left his family/the enclave because “they weren’t doing enough to contribute to the good of mankind.” he said they were too exclusive and only in it for themselves (”i’m going to heaven, tough luck for you!”)
the very next episode, what does merle do?
he teaches the people of fungston about pan and gives them faith and hope so that, even if they do get devoured by the hunger in a year, they “have some hope for the time they’re here.” and then he stays with them when the hunger arrives so they don’t feel alone or abandoned. anyway i love merle

Poor Yurio can’t catch a break, even over long distance video calls (Viktor you act oblivious but we all know otherwise)