Bruce Wayne - Proud Father of College Graduates
“Bruce, I’m going back to college,” Dick announced nonchalantly one night after a grueling patrol.
Bruce jumped out of the BatChair and threw his arms into the air in jubilation. “Yes! My eldest isn’t going to be a drop-out anymore! I won’t have to be ashamed at the galas anymore!” Beside him, Tim, who was graduating college early with a double major in economics and engineering, glared at their father.
“I’ve been accepted at Gotham University-”
“Yes!” Bruce cried, pumping his fist.
“-and I want to study journalism!”
Seeing Dick’s distress mounting at Bruce’s reaction, Damian raced forward and kicked Bruce in the shins.
“Father, you’re upsetting Grayson! I won’t stand for it! Be proud of him!”
Bruce proceeded to tell Damian that he was grounded, (Dick countered that order), and looked weepily at Dick. “Why journalism? Why didn’t you come and speak to me? I would have helped you pick a major!”
“Well, I was talking to Clark the other day-”
“Father, listen! Panic later!”
“-and we’ve been speaking about this for a while, really. He really got me thinking, and after I did my own work, I thought that I’d be a good fit for this job. Besides, I’d have intel into the goings on in the city. Bruce, stop moaning!” Dick said angrily, shaking his father gently by the shoulders. “Think of it this way, B,” Dick said placatingly, “I’ll be moving back home.”
“Father, don’t ruin this for us,” Damian hissed at Bruce. “We’ll get Grayson back home! No more crummy Blüdhaven!”
Bruce perked up hearing this. “I’m going to send Clark flowers and those disgusting milk chocolates from Walmart that he likes,” he said determinedly, embracing Dick. Damian nudged himself between the two men to envelope himself in Dick’s warmth, and gradually butted Bruce out, squigglling into Dick’s arms himself.
“Bruce, you don’t have to send Clark flowers. I’ve taken care of that,” Dick said shyly.
Tim raised his eyebrow. “Are we going to marry into the same family? It’s going to be like some weird Utah reality show.”
Bruce chose that moment to faint, while Damian decried the concept of marriage and insisted that Dick would be much better served by remaining at home.
The next morning, Bruce was rudely awakened by Jason flipping a sheaf of papers at his face. “Sign these,” he demanded, crawling onto Bruce’s bed to force a pen into his hands.
Bruce groggily registered that his hand was being forced, and looked down to see what he was signing. A formal declaration for the adult adoption of one Mason Podd Wayne lay across his lap, and caused happy tears to trickle down Bruce’s cheeks. “You’ve finally decided to come home again!” Bruce exclaimed happily.
“Don’t get too excited, old spice,” Jason replied. “Gotham University needs proof of identification to enroll students, and since Jason Todd was legally dead, Mason Podd is their next student.”
“You’re going to college!” Bruce wept happily, pulling Jason into a strangling hug. Sensing heightened emotions and hugging, Dick came charging into the bedroom and flung himself on top of Jason.
“Ugh, get off, Goldie,” Jason grumbled. “And yes, I’m enrolling in college.”
“I’ll set up an office for you when you graduate! We can rename the company to be Wayne and Sons! Or Wayne, Wayne, and Wayne!” Bruce said giddily. “Tim can be head R&D and Finance, and you can head-”
“Whoa, why would I need an office?” Jason asked confusedly. “I’m not going to study business.”
“Then what are you going to do?” Bruce asked, dread churning in his gut.
“I’m majoring in Literature!”
After a moment of pin drop silence, Bruce began to sob, while Jason collected the forms for his new identity and walked out of the room, Dick still clinging happily to his back.
“Bruce, you have so many children,” Mrs. Snooty-rich-moneybags commented airily. “Which one is this?”
“This is Tim, my favorite.”
“Really, Master Bruce.”
Tim stood to the side, smiling like the cat that has finally got the cream.
***Several years later…***
“Father, I have applied to several universities-”
“Damian, you’re sixteen,” Bruce sighed.
“-and I have been accepted into all of the-OOF!” Damian was cut off as his face was smushed into Dick’s chest in a ferocious hug.
“My smart cookie! My clever, little, jellybean!”
“Yes, thank you, Grayson. As I was saying, I’ve been accepted into all of them. I have chosen to study-Father, take your blood pressure pills, you look like you’re going to combust,” Damian said worriedly. After Bruce had popped a few pills and his face had returned to a more human shade, Damian continued. “I have chosen to pursue a double major in pre-law-”
“-and visual arts.”
Bruce sagged into the BatChair and sobbed brokenedly as Dick crowed about how happy he was that Damian was following his heart.
“Yes, I was speaking to Kent, and he encouraged me to make sure that I did what my heart was truly set on. I like justice and I like art, so it made sense to pursue both. I really must thank him, he’s been a wonderful influence. Good job on trapping him in the bonds of matrimony, Grayson.”
Bruce sprung out of his chair to go and holler at Clark for corrupting two of his sons, while Damian was left to suffer Dick’s tender mercies.