and i feel really nervous about posting this

10

Screenshots from Let’s Talk! 

I’m seriously extremely nervous to make this post. I wasn’t really going to talk about what was going on with Felix or my opinion on the situation because I feel people who share similar opinions with me have said it and explained it much better then I ever possibly could and it’s hard for me to really get my thoughts together. But I still want to say how I feel because I have a lot of thoughts about it and I want to put them out there in this post and my thoughts on this video in particular too. 

Honestly I agree with a lot of what Seán said in this video his opinion on this is very similar to my own. I don’t really watch Felix that much but sometimes I’m confused on how to feel about him or what to think of him because of stuff that I’ve heard about him. Not that I fully follow some of that stuff but it makes me kind of cautious on how to feel about him in general. But honestly I think what he did and what he said was stupid, extremely offensive and went way too far and could’ve been handled so much better. I know that it was a joke and I don’t think he’s anti semitic. I think he just told a terrible joke at a time where anti semitic people are still on the rise and coming back into spotlight and so many people are terrified for their lives and being who they are and I feel like Felix should’ve known better. I feel like he needs to understand more the weight and impact that he has and how people will take what he said seriously whether he’s joking or not. I think he needs to understand that he can’t just say whatever he wants and that there’s consequences when a joke goes too far. Which I’m sure he understands that, I think he knows and realizes that this joke went too far and I hope that he learns from this. However though I do feel like the media and Tumblr is treating him super unfairly. Taking what he said completely out of context and making the situation seem like it’s 10x worse then how it actually is and there’s so many people jumping into this witch hunt towards him now when I feel like we could be spending our energy on more important issues and trying to make the world a better place. They’re not treating Felix like he’s a person they’re treating him like he’s a demon spawn that is 100% evil and bad no matter what he says and does. That’s why I think that no matter what kind of apology he says it’s never going to be good enough because people will just rip apart every little thing that he says and honestly I think treating him like that is disgusting. Yes, I do agree that the joke was awful and went too far and he definitely should have consequences for making it. But Felix is still a human being. He’s capable making mistakes and changing for better and growing as person no matter how many dumb things he does. This thing with online culture is that we have a huge tendency to label someone as 100% bad over one negative thing that they did even years after they did it and learned from it. But the world is not 100% black and white, good people are capable of doing shitty things and whether we like it or not bad people are capable of doing good things too. Plus as humans we’re all cable of doing bad and good things and that’s huge part of being human and it kind of annoys me that so many people don’t understand this. 
Especially with celebrities and Youtubers if they do something bad we label it as 100% bad and just say fuck you to them and to anyone that supports them. Which is something that’s really been pissing me off lately is the hate that Mark and Seán are getting for just supporting Felix as a person. More people need to understand that just because they’re supporting him doesn’t mean they support the terrible thing that he said and did. You can be friends and support someone and also not agree with every little thing they do. Again, the world is not black and white. I feel like people do this kind of thing with Youtubers because for most of us we don’t really know these people at the end of the day. It’s hard to fully trust someone you don’t actually know and it’s easier to see them in a black and white way. I’ll fully admit I support  Seán as a person and I believe in him because I sincerely think he’s a good person and he’s impacted my life so much and giving me more then any person in my life has ever given me. But I acknowledge the fact that I don’t actually know him at the end of the day, I can’t fully 100% trust someone I don’t know no matter how much they’ve positively impacted my life. Plus I don’t always 100% support everything he says and does because him and I are different people we just think in a similar way and have a lot of the same morals. But I’m capable of thinking for myself too and having an opinion that’s different from his and the people around me. If I don’t agree with something that he says then I try my best to listen to his perspective and to tell him my own opinion because I’d like to think that we mutually respect each other as people to listen to each other. We’re all human at the end of the day and in my opinion we need to stop labeling things as 100% bad or 100% good and stop seeing people and the world in black and white. 

As far as how I feel about this video though. I seriously think it was very brave of Seán to make a video about this. I have a huge feeling that it very hard to make a video about this and get his thoughts together and say his opinion on this topic in front of millions of people that could rip apart what he says. He didn’t even have his intro or outro in this video because he wanted to be taken seriously and I think that it was great that he did that. Plus one of the first things that he said in this was that he’s not monetizing this video and not trying to jump on the band wagon around this and I believe him. I mean he even titled the video “Let’s talk!” It doesn’t have Pewdiepie in the title or anything. Maybe he didn’t say everything he wanted to say or worded things in a way that could’ve of been better and defend Felix a little more. But his opinion as a whole I agree with and respect. Plus I think that he’s handling the feedback that this video is getting extremely well so far. I just hope that the negativity that surrounds this topic isn’t getting to him or getting under his skin. He cares what people think of him and I just don’t want him to loose himself in all the negative opinions that surround this topic on both sides of the spectrum. But he’s a big boy and I think he can handle it and learn from all of this, I feel like every Youtuber can learn from this. 
So hopefully we all can move forward for this and to keep trying to spread positivity and making the world a slightly less dark place to be in. :) 

6

john steinbeck // ジョン・スタインベック

5

The guys in the Dishonored chat gave me the idea to do an Outsider-inspired makeup, however it turned into some kind of closet cosplay just to get the right whale satan mood (I also edited the eye and hair colour). My idea was to make it look like his skin is breaking off to reveal sort of odd-looking veins of whale oil underneath. Idk it’s some kind of void nonsense at least, and it was super fun to make. <3

please understand that people with avpd have a lot of trouble being honest about their feelings, and will sometimes even go to great lengths to pretend theyre okay

this can get very overwhelming, and a lot of the times we really do want to say that something is bothering us, but we feel like we would be a burden if we ever did mention it

i know its a lot of work, but it would seriously mean so much to us if you could cooperate with us on this and help us open up on what’s upsetting us

I went to a Mofftiss talk in Cambridge today, and I was sad I didn’t get to ask my question about Eurus in front of the crowd, but I was lucky enough to see Mark afterwards.

I asked if they’d been planning Eurus for years and if they intended for the audience to pick up on it, especially after going back and rewatching and analysing etc. Mark said “well of course!” I also asked if the pirate reference at the end of A Scandal in Belgravia was alluding to Eurus, and he said it was. I also said about the sister thing in A Study in Pink and I feel like he was about to say yes, but he told me “I’ll leave you to your own conclusions” with his cheeky grin.

He was also very patient with the fact I was stammering and kinda nervous about talking to him. Such a gentleman though, he shook my hand twice as well.

The talk was also really enlightening, but I’ll do a separate post on that once I’m home!

anonymous asked:

I've been thinking on starting a series here on Tumblr, in fact I all ready have the game set to go, but I'm really nervous about it. Do you have any advice?

Dooo it!

Some quick tips:

  • Don’t improperly tag things (aka don’t use cc tags on your gameplay posts, people get really mad about that.)
  • Don’t worry about what other people think! When I started posting Huntley pictures it was solely because I wanted to share pictures of a Sim I really liked, not because I wanted to get a bunch of notes etc. It’s a lot more fun when you aren’t stressing about people seeing it.
  • Have fun with it! If you feel like you’re forcing yourself to share something then stop doing it. I’m really guilty of this so it’s probably bad for me to be telling you to avoid it, but it’s best if you’re only posting about things you enjoy.

I hope that’s helpful!

So I’ve got a lot of headcanons about Yuuri dealing with anxiety and I want to yell about all that for a bit:
- Yuuri has been dealing with anxiety since he was about 11-12. He was a somewhat nervous and shy child before that, but it didn’t really turn into something serious until he was a pre-teen.
- He’s been to doctors about it and takes medicine. He tries to keep it all very private, he’s terrified of what would happen if the media found out and plastered the internet with his big secret, ‘KATSUKI YUURI HAS AN ANXIETY DISORDER AND IS A GIGANTIC FRAGILE MESS OF A HUMAN BEING, HOW DOES HE EVEN MANAGE TO PUT ON HIS SKATES BY HIMSELF, MORE AT 11’
- Outside of his family, the only people who know are Yuuko and Phichit. Yuuko hasn’t even told Takashi about it because Yuuri begged her not to, though he certainly suspects. And then, of course, Victor happens.
- Yuuri starts taking his pills in the privacy of his bedroom because haha he’d rather Victor not know about this.
- It’s a lot harder to keep it quiet when they’re traveling for competitions and Yuuri’s gotten a lot more comfortable with Victor but he’s still just…not over all that internalized shame he’s grown up with about having an actual mental illness. There’s no need for Victor to know.
- So he makes the big mistake of just not taking his pills while he’s in China. The medicine builds up in your system anyway, so even in the past when he’s missed a day or two, he’s usually okay. Should be fine to get through the Cup of China, right?
- WRONG
- He’s okay through his short program but by the end of that day he’s starting to feel Not Great.
- And everything turns out okay there in the end but after the free skate Yuuri realizes that he really does have to talk to Victor about all this because they can’t have a repeat of that whole disaster.
- He was afraid Victor would think less of him or be mad about him keeping secrets, and Victor is a little angry, but mostly he’s feeling guilty and sad that Yuuri didn’t trust him enough to tell him sooner, that Victor didn’t make him comfortable enough to be honest with him. What a crummy coach he is.
- And he’s still feeling bad about the car park because he knows he fucked up, even if he didn’t know Yuuri’s got a diagnosis and pills and all, he’s still known Yuuri gets anxious for months now, and he should have known better than to, you know, threaten someone who’s on the verge of a panic attack
- Yuuri enthusiastically agrees with him there, yeah, that was really stupid of you
- And they both laugh and. it’s okay. They broke the ice. They can talk about this openly now, and Victor isn’t going to leave or think less of him, and Yuuri is going to be more honest from now on, and they’re okay.
- From then on Yuuri puts his medicine case on the kitchen table and swallows the pill while having his morning coffee with Victor. No more hiding.
(More under the cut because this is long)

Keep reading

My Best Friend’s Brother Part 1/?

My Best Friend’s Brother Part 1/?

 

Title: My Best Friend’s Brother

Summary: Back in college you and Sam Winchester were the best of friends, you had even introduced him to Jess and became the official third wheel, the three of you were inseparable until Jess’s death and then your best friend just disappeared from your life. A few years later living in New York City you run into your ex best friend and piece some things together about his mysterious life. You and Dean grow close, he becomes your best friend too, but can you keep your feeling platonic and brotherly like they are with Sam?

Pairing: Eventual Dean Winchester x Reader, Sam x Reader (Best friends)

Warnings: language, eventual smut in future parts

A/N: I’ve always been a writer but have never really shared it with anyone, please give feedback, very nervous about posting this, it’s a story I’ve thought about writing pretty much since I discovered Supernatural. Hope y’all like it <3

 

It had been three years since you’d seen that sasquatch of a man, Sam Winchester. You were in the middle of time square on your daily walk to work when you see the unmistakable mop of hair. He had grown it longer but you would recognize that gigantor anywhere. You yelled “SAMMMMYYYYYY!” as you practically launched yourself at the man. “Oh my god, Y/N!” he reached his arms out and caught you as you jumped at him and he spun you around in a crushing hug. “What are you doing here Sam? Oh my gosh we have so much to catch up on, I’ve missed you so much, it’s been so long,” as you said this you smacked Sam hard on the chest “you just disappeared! I was so worried, you never answered my texts or calls, I thought you something terrible happened I haven’t heard from you in years, I’m your best friend and you can’t even pick up the phone!” you rambled on and on in anger and also excitement and seeing your best friend again “Y/N shhhh!” Sam said as he covered your mouth with his hand, “I promise I will explain everything to you, I’m sorry I just went away, a lot happened after Jess…” he trailed off at that and you reached out a squeezed his hand, “Well good thing I’ve found you so you can explain everything to me and we can resume our best friendship sasquatch” you giggled as he brought you into another tight hug. You heard a man clear his throat and you turned at the sound coming face to face with one of the most attractive men you had ever seen. You were met with bright green eyes, you smiled at him but he just appeared annoyed,” Sammy we need to head out we have work to do”. “Y/N, this is my brother Dean, we umm work together now” You turned to face the green eyed man and held out your hand “Hi, I’m Y/N, Sammy here was my best friend in college, but I haven’t seen him in years” “ya well he’s had work to do he joined the family business”. You frowned at this, Sam didn’t know but you had figured a few things out about his past, you had overheard conversations he had with Dean that week he disappeared, before and after Jess’s death. You’d meant to talk to him about it but then he was just gone, you did not fully understand at the time what it all meant but you knew his family was involved in some intense stuff. Recently though you had come face to face with the things that go bump in the night and had put two and two together and realized just what Sammy was involved in.  

  Not thinking before you spoke you blurted out, “oh, you’re here about those tourist deaths aren’t you”, Dean and Sam both gave you wide eyed looks, “Dude! You told her about what we do?!” “No man I swear I didn’t, but Y/N how do you know about that?” “Sammy I was your best friend, I overheard conversations you had and put some pieces together about stories you had about your family, I didn’t have it all figured out until recently though…” as you said this you pulled your scarf to the side revealing two circular marks on your throat, turns out your ex had been blood thirsty in a very literal sense. “Whoa, Y/N, I’m so sorry, I wish I’d known, I wish I’d been here to help…” “Sammy its ok we hadn’t talked in years and another hunter helped me out, explained some things about the life to me, I don’t completely get it all but I know some of what you’ve been through, you and your brother are pretty famous you know” you snuck another look at the older Winchester as you said this, he was staring at you pretty intensely so you immediately turned your gaze away. “Anyways I’ve already been looking into the murders and I think I’ve figured some things out, I have to get to work but why don’t you and Dean take my apartment key and go set up there and you can use my notes and things to try and solve this, when I get home later I’ll try and be as much help as I can” Sam and Dean agreed to this and took your keys and headed for your apartment as you went to work. As the day went on you couldn’t get your mind off of Dean, Jess had told you he was crazy attractive and had even planned to try and get Sam to set you up with him before the fire. There was something about him that just excited you and you couldn’t wait to get off work and head home to get to know the beautiful man a little better.

As you unlocked your door you were met by the smell of pizza and Dean sitting at your couch. “Hey, Sam went to the library to do some research, I was taking a break so I figured I’d grab us dinner” “Awesome thank you” you flashed a smile at him and he gave one back that practically stopped your heart. He handed you a beer and the two of you fell into easy conversation. You laughed with this man like you had known him for years, things with him felt even easier than they had with Sam all those years ago, however this time you felt that butterfly sensation in your gut every time those green eyes looked at you. “so you and Sammy ever ya, know, get it on?” you practically choked on your pizza, as you stopped coughing you started to laugh “uhhh absolutely not, me and Sam were purely platonic, he was like the big brother I never wanted.” Dean laughed at that and took another swig of his beer. “I was actually roommates with Jess freshman year and I was the one that introduced them, I became their official third wheel for the rest of college, we were the best of friends…” you trailed off with that remembering all the things the three of you had done together, that familiar pang of missing Jess hit you, but not quite as hard as it usually did, this time you had Sam back, you weren’t missing the both of them anymore.

“Hey guys I think I’ve figured out what we’re dealing with here” Sam came rushing in hands full of books and eyes wide as he held onto them trying to keep them from spilling over and you had to hold a laugh back at how silly he looked “Damn Sammy did you check out the whole library?”, your eyes met Dean’s and you both let out laughs at Sam. Sam rolled his eyes at the two of you and began rambling on about a coven nearby. “I think they’re run by a vampire named Ryan” your heart stopped, “Ryan? As in Ryan Smith?” Sam nodded, “Ya, do you know him?” “Umm yeah, he’s the one who gave me this” you gestured to your neck marks, “has my ex-boyfriend”. “Don’t worry sweetheart we’ll gank the dickhead, he won’t hurt you again” Dean said in a very serious tone, your eyes met his again and he offered a small smile which you returned. Your heart stopped again, but from a completely different feeling…

I’m really nervous about posting this but I just got to do it! The picture on the left was taken on the Fourth of July while the picture on the right was taken a few weeks ago. I started my weight loss journey around the middle of October and have lost about thirty pounds so far. I don’t know about how anyone else feels but I feel like there is a huge difference in my face between these two pictures. I don’t have any full body pictures from recently to compare but I’ll take some soon and hopefully have the courage to post them!

Tidal Fears

Steve x Reader

Summary: You have the ability to control fire and water, but you refuse to use your powers after being under Hydra’s control in the past. That’s until someone threatens the safety of your friends and the man you secretly love, and you’re forced to intervene. 

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count:  + 3k

Warnings: angst, [badly written] fight scenes, injuries, reader has the ability to control water, fluff, Steve being adorable, un-beta’d

a/n: this is my first attempt at writing Steve, so constructive feedback is appreciated! I don’t really know how I feel about this, it has more of an action plot than what I usually add to a fic, so I’m kinda nervous about posting.*runs and hides*


The nightmares started the day after Natasha and Steve had found you locked up at a Hydra base. They’d been performing experiments on you, much like the ones they did on Bucky, except you now had the abilities to control water and fire, which Hydra didn’t fail to use for their own advantage. 

You became an asset to them. They named you ‘The Matrix’.

After bringing you back to the safety of the Avengers compound, you soon became comfortable in the everyday workings there, getting to know the team and reuniting with Bucky. You were so relieved that he was OK, that he was no longer under the control of Hydra.

You didn’t go on missions for the first few months, but you helped out by planning out routes and being the in house nurse for any injuries that the team returned with. Having shirtless Avengers sitting in front of you while you cleaned up their cuts and bruises was definitely the highlight, but you still couldn’t help but feel useless and weak. You had no control over your abilities, and your sleep was plagued by the memories of what Hydra did to you and what you did for them.

One night, you were awoken by a strong pair of hands shaking your shoulders and a loud scream filling the room. Your eyes flew open, soon realising that the scream was your own and that Steve was holding your shoulders, a concerned look etched across his face.

Keep reading

ML Fan Fic Rec/Appreciation List

Hi! Hello! I thought this might be the best way to show love for my fellow fan fiction writers in the ML community on this the day of appreciation for such folks. I’ve posted about the majority of these authors before in a blog rec list, but I want to put out a formal review of each author and their fics because reviews are important. There are so many fic rec lists out already, but writer types NEVER tire of attention (trust me, I know) so here we go (in alphabetical order to keep things classy and neat): 

A Brand New Dawn by @whitebear-ofthe-watertribe 

A lovely university AU. I love the way she writes Adrien and Marinette’s rekindled friendship, it’s just so warm and comforting. There is drama and fluff and romance and it’s just such lovely story. Also, her description of high fashion clothing is just #writing goals 100%.

A Werecat in London by  @i-am-thornqueen

An exciting expanded magical world AU.  This world that Thorn has created is just so rich and detailed and could easily stand on its own entirely. Adrien, Marinette and the whole crew drop so easily right into the middle of it and meld perfectly. Her OCs are beautifully developed characters and stand wonderfully on their own two feet, I could honestly read a whole book just following them. It’s full of action, angst, hilarity and Sin™.

Bare Necessities by @reyxa

An adorable art school AU where Adrien ends up as a nude model in Mari’s figure drawing class. Need I say more? Hilarity and adorable drawing sessions and art lessons ensue. This fic is pure and unaltered cotton candy and Reyxa does a wonderful job spinning it while throwing some Sin™ on top for good measure.

Black Cats And Curtain Calls by @bullysquadess

An extremely accurate theatre AU.  The first,  but not the only, Bully fic on the list. (Honestly I had to stop myself from putting them all down.) This short and sweet fic is hilarious and if you were/are a Theatre kid you will appreciate ever inch of it. Bully will capture you every time with her tongue –in-cheek humor and spot on characterization and this little fic is no exception.

Chasing the C/h/atwalk by @runningoutofink

A perfectly done Project Runway AU. Bee just does an absolutely phenomenal job translating the classic reality competition TV show format into the written word which is no small task. One of the things that impressed me most about this writing is that I could visualize every single scene perfectly. It is clearly and beautifully written and honestly made me fall deeper in love with the cast of ML.

Heartstrings by @seiyakanie

The beginning of the end for me and ML fics. This fic took my ML fic virginity and I have never looked back. If there is one thing Taylor knows how to write its Sin™ and luckily for us she knows how to write more than that. I love, love Taylor’s descriptions of actions and the thoughts and feelings of characters while they’re in the middle of those actions. (I also have this fic to thank for plunging me into the depths of Taylor’s OC heaven. Seriously, the girl has an armory full of AMAZING OCs, go check them out.)

Inking Indigo by @matchaball

An exquisite tattoo/soul mate/flower shop AU. I just…I will never be able to stop talking about Matchaball’s writing. Her prose reads like poetry and in some spots like a song. It has rhythm and grace and leads you slowly and easily through the world she’s creating. It can be a hard feat to find an author who not only writes beautifully but also has the world building, plotting and characterizing skills. Matchaball has all of these and more. Reading her writing is just so lovely and relaxing. I just cannot get enough.

Lady and the Tom Cat by @skaylanphear

I think technically this would be a mating cycle AU? It doesn’t matter because it’s FANTASTIC and I am just so pumped to see where it goes. Written by the fantastic Kay, how could you go wrong?  I will expand more on how much I love Kay’s writing in a bit, but I’ll just say I’m so pumped to see her write some sexier things because I know it will be done RIGHT. Jump on this train, it’s going places.

Pick Up and Chase by @skaylanphear

If you’d like to see Adrien embarrassed and stuttering for once, this is the fic for you. I cannot even begin with the level of cheese that Kay has going on in this fic, but it is just an amazing amount. If you’re lactose intolerant steer clear. This is a purely fun, purely hilarious fic and its just so much fun. If you need to smile, this is the place you need to be.

Porte-Boner by @abadmeanman

This fic is so hilarious it altered my state of mind and caused me to write the most ridiculous and off topic comments on each and every chapter. It got so bad that the author was forced to message me to ask me to stop. Then he followed me on Tumblr just to make sure I would leave him alone. He messages me occasionally to make sure I’m not going to comment on his fic again. Jokes on him. We live in a free country and I CAN DO WHAT—

Okay, here’s what I have to say for real. Anyone can pop open a word doc and start writing a shit post meme fic and throw it up on AO3 and call it a day. But it takes a true writer to do it WELL. Humor does not come easily and written humor is often times one of the hardest forms to nail. Phil nails it (HEH HEH) perfectly. His comedic timing is spot on and the sheer amount of pop culture references are just staggering and I’m sure I’ve missed about half of them. On top of that he stays true to character while exploring edges we’ve not seen (and definitely WILL NOT see) in the show. Okay, now I’m done.  

Satisfaction Brought It Back by @siderealsandman

An extremely delicious, definitely NSFW BDSM/friends with benefits/fake dating AU. This fic is just so much more than it’s AU. It goes so far beyond its BDSM theme and I was just not prepared for it when I dived in. What you might think you’re getting: crazy kinky sex everywhere all the time – What you’re actually getting: deep and meaningful character development, ANGST, FLUFF,  lessons on safe and healthy sexual relationships, lessons on safe and healthy relationships in general, lessons on how NOT to pretend like you’re not in love with your partner. And all of it extremely well written. If you are not an Innocent Child you must go read this. It will save your soul and send it to hell in one fell swoop.

Serendipitous Fate by @skaylanphear

*DEEP BREATH* I am still not and never will be over this fic or Kay’s writing. It just cannot be done. Kay’s understanding of these characters and their world is so insanely in depth its mind boggling. She handles each and every one of them with such love that it takes my breath away. Nothing is done without out a cause and effect and everything is woven into an intricate web. I sometimes get so profoundly sad that this is not cannon because it’s just so authentic and accurate. I know I can’t really say that because we don’t know what will be “cannon” or authentic or accurate, but it just is. If you’re not reading SF or planning on reading it, you’re doing yourself a terrible disservice.

Squares, Triangles, and Other Shapes by @sadrien

DOUBLE. FAKE. DATING. AU. Holy hell, how Sadrien even got through the fic summary without getting vertigo I have no clue. This fic delivers something that I think the fandom required. A fake dating square to walk hand in hand with our love square. It’s still early on, but I can already tell it will be filled with a bunch of hilarious situations and shenanigans. I’m just so excited and you should be too!

Sugar, Sugar by @bullysquadess

Who else but Bully would/could deliver unto us a beautifully written…Sugar Daddy AU? Just the mere fact that she fully has me believing this could really happen between Adrien and Marinette is the achievement of the year. This fic is in the early stages, but has such a promising beginning and will surely be a hilarious ride.

The Ladybug and The Bees by @bullysquadess

Oh man. The infamous TLATB. So, this is the third Bully Fic™ on my list and I could talk about how it’s the flagship sin fic and all that, but I’m not. I want to talk about how much I love Bully’s writing and how great of a writer she is, really, truly. As I said in my little blurb about Porte-Boner, humor is a truly hard thing to write and get across the right way. Bully does this flawlessly, every. single. time. But there’s more than that, when TLATB started to take an unplanned off-road detour to angst-ville, Bully managed to keep her readers right with her. Folks, that is an extremely hard thing to do, to keep your readers with you, no matter what crazy shit you do. To keep them believing and to not jolt them out of the narrative. That’s the main job of the writer, to kidnap their readers and keep the believing all the way through to the last page. Bully, you’re a great writer, I know you’re having a rough and unpleasant time right now, but keep your chin up. You’re great.

The Luckiest Man In Paris by Ms. Sophie

The premise of this fic is just so undeniably adorable and everything that follows is undeniably adorable as well. I just love how Sophie writes the dynamic between Chat and Mari. It’s so true to their characters and so adorable. HAVE I SAID ADORABLE ENOUGH. I’ve actually probably said it too many times for the amount of sin happening (and will be happening) in this fic. Sophie captures my attention with lovely turns of phrase she uses and wonderful character interactions. It’s such a great read and you should GO READ IT NOW. Also because Sophie is a sweet little dumpling.

You Don’t Know Me by @ferisae

Okay. So, um…it’s like really hard to get me to actually cry, like blubbering tears and unattractive hiccups crying, during movies/shows/books. I can count on one hand the amount of times a book or movie or show has made me cry. You Don’t Know Me has DESTROYED me.  TWICE. While reading it. If you’re ready for a soul-crushing amount of angst Ferisae is your dealer. She delves deep, deep into Adrien’s character and pulls out everything that is sad and lonely and uses it to crush you in the best way. Even if you’re someone who actively avoids angsty fics (like me) you absolutely must give yourself the chance to read this. Just make sure you have a nice warm cup of something hot and a blanky and maybe some baby animal photos open in the next tab over.  

Okay this got super long, whoops. Sorry not sorry because all these author’s deserve all the love.

Thank you to each and every one of these lovely people and every fic author out there. Y’all are truly amazing for the amount of time, work and love you put into your writing. It shows a true passion and even if writing isn’t what you want to do with your life full time, the passion you have can easily be transferred to any aspect of your life. Passion is fuel to live and live happily. Thank you for sharing your passion with us.

Who Do You Think You Are?

So this is my first ever fanfic and I am really nervous about it. I have always wanted to write fanfic and have many ideas but I am either really busy or really nervous that no one will like it. BUT, I am now going to shake off the fear and post this! Sorry in advance for any grammatical errors. Thank you so much if you are reading this and I hope you enjoy it!

Bucky x Reader

Word count: 2704

Warnings: Angst (maybe a little too much) and cursing

Characters: Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, and Bucky Barnes.

(Mentioned are Thor Odin, Bruce Banner, and Clint Barton)

Song is Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri

Summary: Y/N has something to say, well sing, about their feelings towards their ex-boyfriend, Bucky Barnes.

—————————————————————————————————-

“C’mon Y/N, you have to go to Stark’s party with us” your best friend, Wanda, said while picking clothes out of your closet and throwing them onto your bed.

“I don’t know Wanda,” you paused while looking at the pile of clothes that were starting to pile up “I just do not want to run into him”.

You were talking about your ex, Bucky Barnes. You two met a little after he had awakened from the cryo and you were starting your training to be an Avenger. You didn’t have any powers; you were the top of your class in S.H.I.E.L.D before it fell and came to live with your aunt, Pepper Potts, and her boyfriend, who you basically thought of as your uncle, Tony Stark. Tony felt that your training should not have been put to waste and invited you to become an Avenger and train under Natasha, who later on become one of your closest friends, along with Wanda.

Soon, you became close with all of the other Avengers. You thought of Steve and Sam as your older brothers, they would do anything to make sure that you were safe and happy, plus they made it their life’s mission to annoy and embarrass you whenever they could. Thor was one of your best friends and you could not imagine a world where he would greet you with a box of Pop-Tarts every time he would come to visit you. Bruce was like another uncle to you, but was very more cautious and wanted to make sure you were always healthy and that you had no broken bones. Clint was like a father figure to you and always invited you to stay with him and his family when you needed to get away, who also welcomed you with open arms. You simply adored his kids and would always offer to babysit them. You loved everything about your little family and would not trade them for anything in the world.

Now cue Bucky. When you guys first met, it was during training and he had accidently gave you a concussion while you guys were sparring. He carried you to the medical area and kept whispering that he was sorry over and over again. Let’s just say that he got scolded by both of your uncles and that made him feel even worse. He made it his mission to make sure that he would not hurt you again, even though that has begun to annoy you. You told him that it was okay for him to knock you out a couple of times and that was what the training is for, to learn how to prevent it. From then on, you guys would train together and soon became closer. Eventually, he has asked you out and your relationship was amazing, or at least you thought. Turns out after two years of a fun, happy relationship, Bucky decided that he would start seeing another girl and hide it from you. You only found out after seeing them at the movie theater when you were with Wanda, kissing and hugging another girl who you thought looked gorgeous compared to yourself. You confronted him when he returned to the tower and that resulted in you leaving Bucky and the tower to find your own apartment. It had been four months since you last saw him, as you tried to make it to where your schedules wouldn’t clash so you wouldn’t accidently run into him. You had been successful in doing so, but this resulted in you not training as much and rarely seeing those who you thought of as family. Today, however, Wanda and Natasha decided to change that when she showed up to your apartment and begged you to come to one of Tony’s parties.

“Y/N, you need to forget about him. He was the asshole and idiot, you need to get over him and I believe that a night of drinking, dancing, and flirting with other guys will be good for you” said Natasha while sitting on the bed.

“I don’t know, I just feel bad about not explaining why I left and I feel like everyone is going to hate me when I show up out of nowhere” you sighed, sitting next to Natasha.

“Y/N, believe me no one hates you, we all seriously miss you” said Wanda as she joined you two on your bed.

“If anything, everyone has just been worrying about you, even Tony has been quiet. which you know is hard for him to do” said Natasha while nudging you with her elbow.

“Trust me Y/N, it will be good for you. You will get to see everyone and you know that you have missed us all” said Wanda.

You smiled softly, “Okay fine that actually does sound a little better than moping around like I have been lately”. You started towards the closet and picked out the one outfit that always made you feel as if the whole room had their eyes on you. You then put your hair in your favorite hairstyle. If you were going to be in the same room as Bucky, you had to make sure that he couldn’t see just how miserable the last few months have made you.

Wanda smiled and pulled you in for a tight hug, “You look simply gorgeous Y/N, and no one will be able to take their eyes off of you when you walk in”.

You pulled away and smiled back, “C’mon, let’s head over to the party”.

—————————————————————————————————-

When you arrived at the party Wanda was right, almost all eyes were on you and you had no idea if that was a good or a bad thing. You walked up to your group of friends, who were all smiles when they saw you. You were attacked with hugs and kisses on your cheeks and you never felt happier.

“Y/N, we missed you” said Steve as he hugged and gave you a kiss on your forehead.

“Yeah Y/N/N, where have you been? The tower isn’t the same without you” smiled Sam as he pulled you in for a hug as well.

“Well, I… uh just needed to get away for a while, I am sorry for not visiting you guys more often, I have missed you all like crazy” you said with a sad smile.

You continued talking to your friends until someone tapped you on the shoulder.

“Hey Y/N” you froze as you heard the same deep voice that used to make your stomach flutter. You turned around and saw Bucky standing there, with a sad smile.

You just stared at him for a while until you finally felt the courage to speak up. “Oh, h-hi Bucky, h-how are you?”

“I am good thanks” he said, still smiling, “do you think we could go somewhere and talk?”

You felt a little confused, but mostly angry that he had the nerve to try and talk to you after all these months of you desperately waiting for him to call and explain why he did what he did.

“Well uh…” you started to say, until you felt a pair of hands grab your shoulders and turn you around towards them. You were face to face with your Aunt Pepper and Uncle Tony and suddenly felt relieved that you did not have to answer Bucky.

“Oh Y/N we have missed you so much” said your aunt as she pulled you in for a big hug. You hugged back and smiled at Tony, who also joined in for the hug.

“I have missed you guys too, I am so sorry that I have not been in touch lately, I have just been really busy” you sighed, pulling away from the hug.

“Well now that you are here, you are just in time for karaoke!” exclaimed Tony as he started pushing you to the stage that was set.

“What?? No one told me there was going to be karaoke,” you said, trying to free yourself from Tony’s grip. You were now on the stage, all eyes were definitely on you now if they weren’t before. Tony put a mic in your hands and gave you thumbs up. You felt as if your heart was pounding out of your chest and looked around the entire room until you saw. Bucky, who had moved away from the group of your friends and was smiling with his hands around the waist of the same girl you had caught him with. He turned towards the stage and saw you there and his smile dropped and he looked at you with the saddest eyes. Then, the music began and you felt as if the universe was playing a big joke on you right now.

I know I can’t take one more step towards you
‘Cause all that’s waiting is regret
Don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live, half a life

And now you want me one more time

You looked around the room and everyone was still watching you, even Bucky. It was so quiet other than you singing. You started to become even more nervous, but determined to sing as this song was everything you had felt the last few months up to tonight, as Bucky thought he had the right to try and talk to you while bringing the very girl he cheated on you with.

Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

You kept trying to avoid looking at Bucky, even though you wanted to make sure that he knew this song was directed towards him. You looked towards your friends, who just stared, Wanda and Natasha giving you sad smiles.

I hear you’re asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I’ve learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time

You kept singing, letting the entire pain and emotion you have felt these last four months spill out, knowing that those one pair of blue eyes are staring at you.

Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

All of those memories of the two of you began to swirl through your mind. Your first date, when you two first kissed on New Year’s, the first time you made love where you finally both admitted to yourselves that you loved one another. How he could let those moments go to waste and find another girl baffled you. You finally looked towards him and let him know through the lyrics what you were feeling in that very moment.

It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you’re back
You don’t get to get me back

Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

You stared at Bucky, and he stared back. It felt as if you were the only two people in the room. All of what you were feeling finally came out after all those months. He knew this was how you felt, and he looked down in sadness.

Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
Tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

As the song finished up, you almost forgot where you were. Everyone started to clap for you as you made your way off of the stage and to your group of friends. You hugged everyone as they started to praise you.

“Wow, Y/N I didn’t know you could sing like that” said Steve as he finished hugging you.

“Yeah Y/N/N you were amazing” said Pepper, smiling towards you.

You smiled sadly “Thank you guys, I didn’t know I could sing like that either. Guess the song just does wonders for me”.

“Well you have to sing like that more often,” laughed Sam while putting his arm around your shoulder.

You laughed a little, “Thanks Sam. Okay guys I think I am going to head out, all of that singing made me exhausted. I will see you guys soon, I promise for real this time”. You hugged everyone and made your way out of the tower.

—————————————————————————————————-

When you got to your apartment, you felt relieved when you got out of those clothes. You took a nice, long shower and got ready for bed. Before you got settled, you heard a knock on your door and figured it was probably Nat or Wanda coming to check on you. When you opened the door, you saw that same pair of blue eyes from earlier.

“Hi Y/N” said Bucky with a sad smile.

“Bucky” you nodded, “what are you doing here?”

“I came to talk to you, I tried to talk to you at the party but then Tony dragged you away from me and then after you sang, I tried to find you but I figured you left” Bucky said while looking down at his shoes.

“That’s not what I meant, I meant how did you find out where I live?” you said with an annoyed tone.

“I asked Nat and Wanda, they didn’t want to tell me at first, but I begged them to because I need to explain myself”.

“Explain what? How you cheated on me? Or how you let me cry myself to sleep for the last four months without hearing from you?” you said, feeling the sadness start to come up once again.

“Y/N please, just let me in and I will expl-“

“You know what Bucky? You do not get the right to explain  yourself right now” you began to raise your voice, “you had four months to do so but instead you decide that now is the perfect time to explain why you cheated on me. Do you know what I have been through these last four months? I couldn’t even bring myself to see my friends; my own family because I was so scared that I would run into you”.

Bucky finally lifted his head and stared at you with those sad eyes “I know Y/N and I am sorry, I know I fucked up, but please just let me explain”.

“No Bucky, you had all the time in the world to try and talk to me, but you wasted it to spend time with the one person that you cheated on me with”.

“Y/N please” begged Bucky, his eyes glistening with tears as he tried to place his hand on your cheek, something that he used to do to you when you would be crying.

“I think you need to leave Bucky,” you said, looking away from him as your eyes threatened to spill tears.

Bucky stared at you, and nodded as he pulled his hand away and started to walk away. You kept staring in the same spot until you decided you needed to know the one answer to the question that has been on your mind for the last couple of months.

“Bucky” he stopped and turned around, “I just need to know why you did it”.

He looked down, a tear spilling down his cheek, “I-I don’t know”.

You nodded your head, “Goodbye Bucky”. You closed the door and slid down it and started to cry.

Guess who has finally decided to try and post more art regardless of quality???

I tried to draw @flowerjom ’s si Nug, but I’m worried it doesn’t really look like her???Idk man, there wasn’t a specified hair length, but it said messy, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Also, is this what red velvet hair means? Cause I’m nervous it isn’t

I also have no idea what that expression is, but I feel like Nug does it a lot

Ok, so long story short, after the madness with Henrik and the 3 videos (thank you again god for these), I watched Skam and made this post about Eskild. I read it through again a second time when I woke up this morning and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since so I’m going get into my thoughts and feelings about Eskild and what his background might be so if you’re interested then you can click under the cut because I’m too nervous to put it out in the open. PSA: This is some of my thoughts and feelings about Eskild which doesn’t have to mean that it’s canon. It’s just my thoughts that I’ve gathered during the day and if you don’t agree then fine, don’t but please don’t send me hate if you decide that what I wrote is utter bullshit because I could actually skip that kind of energy in my life! Thanks!! (I also spent like 3+ hours writing it and it contains my soul.)

PSA: Just want to say a huge thanks to my dearest friend Caitlyn for helping me edit my text since I’m not a native English speaker/writer! You can follow her over @sskkam!!

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

How do you feel about writing confessions for makki, tsukki and tendou? (Please do)

Hanamaki Takahiro 

  • I can actually see him be slightly nervous about confessing because in his times past when he has confessed he was rejected and it really hurt him 
  • Goes his own way and a day before club he just nervously confesses to them while bowing and his crush laughs and tells him to stand up because they were actually about to go and confess to him
  • He is super surprised about it but also really happy and walks into practice with a huge smile on his face and is ready to take on anything that it has to throw at him

Tsukishima Kei

  • Talk about a boy who doesn’t understand his own feelings, he also asks Suga for some help because he sees how popular he is with all kinds of people and Kei just want’s to confess to his crush
  • Suga tells him to just be himself and buy things that he thinks his crush might like, but also told him not to pressure his crush while confessing
  • He buys them three different kinds of pocky and a card and just places it on the desk they sit at and goes to sit as his own desk and waits for his crush to see it
    • They walk in and see the gifts and open the card seeing it was from Kei and they look back at him with a huge smile on their face and he blushes like crazy as they ask him on a date for that weekend

Tendou Satori

- Admin Hope

i wanted to post a video but unfortunately tumblr won’t let me, so i’ll just write it instead.

i just wanted to thank everyone for following this blog, it’s means a lot to me! this blog is 12 followers away from 600 and that’s so awesome!! 

the reason why i started this blog was because i wanted to find people that are like me and have similar experiences as me. i remember awhile back when i found out about having DID and tried to have my alters be more free. my one alter, chelsea, ended up fronting and made posts on my main blog, when i woke up and was switched back, i found hateful messages towards us in my inbox, it made me be afraid to be opened on my personal blog. eventually when i started this blog, i was nervous that i was gonna get more hateful messages or no one would like this blog, but i was wrong. this blog gives me lots of comfort and freedom to be myself, i really feel safe here, and i hope you guys get the same feeling being here too. 

i also want to thank the people who don’t have DID that follow this blog too, it means a lot that you’re willing to learn about this disorder because i know it’s not really talked about or when it is, the media always shows it as a scary thing, but it isn’t, DID isn’t scary. i hope in the future people will know that and stop making us look like evil people.

once again, i like to thank everyone here, you guys are so wonderful! i appreciate you guys and you mean everything to me, i’m so thankful for you guys!! 

remember, you are always valid!!

hope you have a wonderful weekend, stay safe!! < 3

my great friend @skilfulwolfman raises a good point: ace/aro josh.

Asexual josh overcompensating by making lots of sexual jokes, but they come off awkward since he doesn’t really give a shit about that stuff and has no idea how people normally talk about that type of thing (i.e. the bone zone)

Asexual josh acting over-sexual as a joke, but Chris is probably the only one who gets it since he knows Josh is ace (i.e. make snow angels with her)

asexual josh feeling nervous on his first date w/ someone, because he doesn’t want the other person to assume they’re going to do anything besides hang out and get to know each other in a slightly more romantic way, but he overcompensates by making a bunch of (terrible) sex jokes anyways, because they’re so ridiculous they make him laugh, and it helps calm him down

asexual josh getting drunk at parties and dancing wildly with people he barely knows, but ending up with someone grinding on him or trying to give him a lapdance and he tries to explain he’s not interested but they’re both so drunk they can’t really understand each other, so Chris comes to the rescue and pulls the other person off of him

aromantic josh figuring that people really only become romantic with each other by going through tough/dangerous situations together (i.e. chris and ashley’s traumatic confession)

asexual+aromantic josh feeling awkward about hugging people even though he totally likes hugs and hugging, because doesn’t want the other person to misinterpret the hug, so he ends up high-fiving people a lot instead of hugging them, even if he knows a person is safe to hug

aromantic+asexual josh wanting to cuddle people in a totally platonic way, and luckily having Chris to just chill with and hug in bed while they play video games or when the side effects of his medication become bad.

aromantic/asexual josh finding it really hard to tell people that he’s aro/ace, because he doesn’t always feel like explaining what he is or what it means when the other person doesn’t understand, especially if he thinks they’ll have a negative reaction

ace/aro josh is my jam. my bread and butter. my fuckingn cinnamon apple.

Man I do a lot of thinking about Karamatsu aha… Especially concerning how he got from Osomatsu-Kun to Osomatsu-San. We’re given basically 0 info on how their teen years were so I’m just gonna… Make some up of my own under the cut! 

(Oh also as for Ichi’s weird school photo, I feel like he was totally that kid that was always photographed mid-sneeze, and that no one ever took the time to retake any of them.)

Keep reading

The Moon {BK Regency Fic Pt. 2}

OK guys! Here is the second part to The Tudor-esque Bonkai fanfiction; it encompasses the original excerpt. I’m nervous about it because I feel like you all have high expectations for this fic, haha, so please tell me if I meet them. The dialogue and dynamics are REALLY fun to write so that’s what I focus most on us and not historical accuracy, in fact absolutely nothing is historically correct so people keep that in mind when you inbox me questions, haha.

The first part: http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/151942784000/the-gambit-bk-regency-pt-1

The tags: @bonkai-diaries @kissmebluesexyvioletsme @misslilmel @humbu-bumbu @wasabicakes @youareatypo @bonkai-is-life @bonkaimonluv @malachaibennett @darkbonkai @jordanjanellejoy @bonkaicoven @bonkais-witchywoo @bonkais-aurora-borealis @writeturnlove @tvtaughtmehowtofeel @mysticfalls-originals @offlinebonkai @queensfelicity @tasha-sews @ecksnohhs @sunnydrive92 @l0nd0ninnit @lisaluvslife @seeyda @beccacupcakesxo @giggleangel

*not my gif*

“You can’t hide the thunderbolt. When it hits you, everybody can see it. Christ, man, don’t be ashamed of it, some men pray for the thunderbolt. You’re a lucky fellow.”

— Mario Puzo, The Godfather

Malachai’s expression was one of stony displeasure as a servant showed him the features of his bedroom in the guest apartments. It was a gaudy disaster and he took it as an indication of what to expect during his visit. He was advised to make peace, to strive for renown rather than infamy. Infamy was the word his advisors used, he described his plan to thoroughly cripple, eviscerate the Neapolitan army  as one that would bring him fearful reverence and one that would be remembered throughout history. Naples had started it after all; assassinating his uncle was cause enough for war. Alas, no one wanted war or bloodshed, to bear the guilty conscience of death, to bear the brunt of raising taxes to support an army.    

“Your appetite for war is understandable, you still have your youth and you have the heart of a lion,” they’d said. “But you must ask yourself if war is beneficial to the country, for are you not a king who loves his people, your Royal Heinous?”

Idiots. He didn’t have the heart of a lion; there was no beast that could compete with his ferocity. Yet he tempered his passions. For the good of the country. He signed a treaty and promised his sister to the son of King Matteo. A compromise he’d regretted from the moment he arrived in this godforsaken kingdom.

The servant extended his hand to the bed. “A bed fit for a king.”

“His Majesty sleeps in a bed twice that size,” said a voice.

Malachai smirked and glanced quickly to his right; Charles Tyler, his confidant, stood next to him, staring the servant down.

“My apologies, your Grace, we had thought—”

“Never mind. I’ll take it from here. My belongings are in my apartment I imagine.”

    “Yes, Your Grace.” The servant shifted on the spot, opened his mouth then closed it. He cleared his throat. “There is another matter. To show his hospitality and to welcome you to the great kingdom of Naples, His Majesty King Matteo urges you to sample some of our land’s … delicacies…”

The servant clapped his hands twice and the overly-ornate doors opened. A woman stepped into the room, rosy-cheeked and cream-skinned; her blonde curls dropped past her shoulders, her face delicate like porcelain.  Malachai stirred.

“Your Majesty,” she said, bowing.

He stared at her for a beat, imagining her bare-breasted and on her back, screaming as he thrust into her on that laughably small bed.  He turned to the servant. “What does your master take me for?”

“Your Majesty?”

“Does he believe I need help bedding a woman?” said Malachai, his voice rising. “Does he believe me incapable? Impotent?”

“No, of course not. Your Majesty—”

“From what I hear, King Matteo should do some sampling of his own!” Malachai’s face had flushed red with anger, his voice just below a thunderous tenor. “Maybe that way he wouldn’t be a cuckold!”

“Your Majesty are you, are you suggesting —”

“That Queen Isabella has a stock of lovers that she beckons to her bedchambers sometimes three at a time! Who’s to say his son is even his, that he deserves the hand of my sister, the princess of England!”

The servant sputtered. “That is — That is —”

“What? That is what?”

Malachai felt a gentle tug on his sleeve  and a hiss in his ear. “Kai,” said Tyler. “We’ve barely been here but an hour isn’t this supposed to be a peaceful visit?”

    He sighed and stared at the kneeling woman. It seemed a waste, not to accept such a gift but Malachai found her presence too offensive to enjoy. “Get out,” he said. “All of you. Except you, Tyler.”

    The servant bowed and started walking backward out the door as the woman followed him. When the door closed, Tyler rounded him, his face bewildered.

“Are you mad? That woman was in a sore need of a good riding and I’ve heard tales of these, how did he put it, Italian delicacies.”

“Then you fuck her,” said Malachai, sinking into a chair.

“With Your Majesty’s permission,” said Tyler, grinning. “I have yet to christen my bed.”

Malachai laughed. “No not now. Later. Tell me what’s on the agenda for today.”

“The day has been left open for Your Majesty to settle in. There will be a feast and masquerade in your honour tonight.”

Malachai groaned. “The Neapolitan people don’t know anything about a good masque.”

“I’m sure Your Majesty’s presence will elevate the affair.”    

“Are you flattering me, Tyler?”

“There’s no flattery in the truth just simple fact.”

Malachai snorted, an acceptance of Tyler’s explanation. “We should go on a hunt then. Tell them to ready the horses.”

Tyler bowed his head slightly. “Your Majesty.”


                                                 __________

Bonnie had just finished fastening her mask when Elena glided into her apartment, draped in gold silk, a white feathered mask adorning the top half of her face. Bonnie turned to look at her and Elena gasped.

“Bonnie, you’re a spectacle,” she said, taking in the deep crimsons and scarlets of her petticoats. She reached forward and touched the bejeweled swan mask. “You look absolutely striking.”

    “And you, dear sister,” said Bonnie. “Beautiful as always. Gold is definitely your colour.”

    Elena giggled as she lowered her hand and started rooting through Bonnie’s dresser for a necklace. “It’s nice being back at court, I didn’t realize how much I missed it.”

    “Or how many of your old admirers are here,” said Bonnie, smirking. “I’m surprised no one has proposed yet.”

    “Well the night is still young,” said Elena as she draped a gold necklace around Bonnie’s neck and fastened the clasp. “Father said that three men have asked to call on me tomorrow.”

    “Be sure to dance with one of them tonight,” said Bonnie. “Only one, though. You’re enchanting when you dance.”

    “As are you,” said Elena.

    “Tonight is not about me. It’s about you, your charms, and you must display them or risk our father’s displeasure.”

    “Do you really believe King Malachai will notice me?”

    Bonnie smiled and touched Elena’s cheek. “I wish he wouldn’t,” she said. “This will not be easy, Elena. Alas, everyone notices you.”

    Elena opened her mouth to respond when the door banged open. Damon appeared in the entryway, dressed in a brown doublet with russet hose, and a gold mask that covered most of his face. “Elena, Bonnie,” he said, bowing slightly.

    Elena curtseyed. “Damon.”

    “Cousin,” said Bonnie.

    “Elena, you look ravishing,” said Damon. He walked toward her and put his hands on either side of her face. “Every eye in the room will be on you.”

    “I’m afraid only the one eye, for the other will be gazing at Bonnie with wonder. Does she not look spectacular?”

    Damon glanced at her and his lips parted slightly. He cleared his throat. “Sensational,” he said.

    “You flatter me,” said Bonnie blandly. “Shall we make our way to the hall?”

    “Of course.” Damon crooked both of his elbows so that Elena took one arm and Bonnie took another.  As they walked out of the apartment down the corridor, he whispered in Bonnie’s ear. “Did you prepare her?”

“This is not what Elena needs help with,” Bonnie whispered back. “As you said she can be noticed easily enough, it’s afterward that she may need my guidance.”

    “I would not have you leave her side until she’s been beckoned by one of the king’s servants.”

    “Oh?” said Bonnie. “And here I thought I was coming to court to find a suitable husband. Is that not what you said, cousin?”

    “Would you like to have this conversation with your father?”

    Elena’s voice interrupted them. “What are you two conspiring about?”

    “Nothing, dear sister,” said Bonnie.

    “I was only telling Bonnie not to be so envious of your beauty,” said Damon. “It’s only natural that the sun outshines the moon.”

    Bonnie stared ahead and said nothing.


                                                      ___________

The hall was already alive with chatter and music when Bonnie, Damon and Elena entered.  Not a single person was without a mask or a glass of wine; the crowds milled around the dance floor and grouped themselves in corners, toasting and gossiping and colluding. The flickering candles upon the chandelier created an intimate atmosphere despite the vastness of the room and Bonnie watched lazily as men bowed to her sister with each step she took, how women simpered at her cousin, hopeful to be noticed, ignorant of his ways. Bonnie sussed out a few eyes upon her, gazing at her with an intent, with a covetousness that darkened their expressions.  She knew she should be scouting for a husband, someone to tie her fortunes to but it seemed impossible amidst the weight that burdened her mind.

“My lady.”

A man appeared before her, bowing with his arms stretched outward. She recognized his voice and her eyes widened beneath her mask as she allowed him to take her hand and kiss it.

“Lorenzo,” said Damon. “Is that you under there?”

He turned to Damon and bowed his head slightly. “Good ear.”

“Lorenzo,” said Elena, smiling, as he moved to kiss her hand. “I didn’t know you had come to court.”

“I was fortunate enough to find a patron,” said Lorenzo, turning back to Bonnie. “I have interests here.”

Bonnie clenched her teeth. “I don’t see your lute. Will you be playing something for His Majesty?”

“Should he wish it once he and the King of England arrive.”

“I can’t wait,” said Damon. “You’re very talented, Lorenzo. But if you would excuse us, I think I have just seen my uncle.”

“Give Alaric my regards,” said Lorenzo. “Elena. Bonnie.” He bowed again before stepping to the side allowing the trio to pass.

“I think Lorenzo has taken a bit of a fancy to you, Bonnie,” said Elena.

    “Indeed,” said Damon coldly.

    They had made it to the front of the hall, as close as they could to the high table where they saw a man with white hair standing in front of it, sipping deeply from his wine goblet. Bonnie reached forward and touched his back. “Papa,” she said.

    “My dear daughters.” He kissed Bonnie once on each cheek and then did the same to Elena who let go of Damon’s arm to greet her father. He clasped Elena by the hands and smiled at her. “Do you like being back at court?”

    “Yes, Papa. Very much.”

    “Hopefully you’ll return to the English court soon by His Majesty’s invitation.”

    “Where is His Majesty?”

    “Fashionably late of course. These things never start on time,” said Alaric. He lowered his voice. “Has your cousin spoken to you, Elena?”

    She smiled nervously and nodded.

    “Excellent and should everything go according to plan, I would like you to be … generous with your charms. Am I understood?”

    Bonnie cleared her throat derisively and Alaric turned to her. “Aid your sister in whatever she needs.”

    Even beneath his mask, Bonnie could picture the cold fury in her father’s eye, the one that dared disobedience only to serve punishment. It was a look she was accustomed to and one she couldn’t help but strive to banish, for the warmth that softened his face when she pleased him was a reward she unwillingly held dear.

    “You and I share the same disposition,” he’d said to her once. “It’s a pity you were not born a son.”

    Bonnie bowed slightly. “I will do so, Papa.”

    As soon as the words left Bonnie’s mouth there was a loud banging and a loud voice. “Your Majesties, King Matteo of Naples and King Malachai of England.”

    Almost in unison everyone in the room bowed as Malachai and Matteo walked up the platform to their seats at the high table. As one of the servants pulled out a chair for Malachai to sit in, he chanced a glance around the room, peering out from behind his mask to the court beneath him. His eyes found a lady in red, she was in the process of readying herself to bow with the other courtiers but stopped when her eyes found his mask the same instant his found hers. Malachai stared at her,

    Bonnie couldn’t move. It was a grave offence to stand before royalty without permission to do so, just short of treason, of blasphemy even but she was rendered still by his gaze; in awe of his stature, cloaked in a deep velvet black so that he appeared embraced by night sky. His stare enlivened her, compelled her heart to thud so intensely she was sure it would crack her chest; she couldn’t see his eyes and yet they swallowed her whole and everything inside her screamed for her to bow and save her head, save her family’s dignity but she couldn’t move because if she did, she would be spit back out.

    Someone beside her coughed. “My God,” Bonnie whispered. Hastily she bowed.

    “Your Majesty?” said Matteo, smiling. He was already sitting down.

    Malachai blinked a couple of times, shook his head slightly and took his seat. When his sister, Josephine, sat as well, the courtiers rose. Damon and Alaric glared at Bonnie as she stood up.

    Matteo began to speak, welcoming Malachai to the palace, expressing his relief and happiness that their two countries weren’t going to war. Bonnie normally paid attention to these proceedings, the language used,  it provided insight on the state of the world and by proxy the state of her family, the state of her own well-being, but concentrating on anything other than the strong jaw of the King, his black stubble, his full lips, it was an impossibility.  

Bonnie willed herself not to stare too intently, not to cause further embarrassment, display anymore brazenness, but she could no sooner pluck out her eyes;  each time the King glanced her way and met her gaze, no matter how briefly, her entire body seemed to pulsate; her belly dropped and she felt faint, as if she were descending into darkness. Surely, this was what death felt like? And yet each time he looked away, she silently begged him to find his way back to her.

    There was laughter and clapping. Bonnie had no idea what happened but Malachai had stood up to shake Matteo’s hand. Before she could bring herself firmly back to reality, there was a grip on her wrist and she was being dragged sideways to a corner of the room.

    Damon whispered furiously. “Have you lost your senses? You didn’t bow to the King of England!”

    “I did bow!”

    “Not immediately. The whole court is going to be talking about this!”

Bonnie opened her mouth to argue but sighed instead; she felt dizzy, intoxicated. “I know. It was most irregular. He just looked at me and …”

Her breathing became ragged, her eyesight blurred and she flattened her palm against her chest. “And it …”

She thought back to the afternoon before, to staring up at the sun until its rays were too bright for her to bear.  “I can’t breathe,” she said. “Damon, I can’t breathe.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and looked up to the high table. “He’s still looking at you, Bonnie. The King’s eye … it doesn’t leave you for long.”

    “I know,  I can feel it everywhere, burning me, I … my skin is … I just …”

    Damon placed the back of his hand against her forehead. “You’re feverish,” he said. He chewed on his bottom lip. “There’s been a change of plan, you will go in Elena’s stead.”

    “Excuse me?”

    “We were very careful in placing Elena in his direct line of sight and yet his eye keeps finding you, even behind that mask it’s obvious. You have the King’s attention, we would have you do something productive with it.”

    “Damon, I —”

    “Do not forget your duty, Bonnie.”

    “Yes but I —”

    “For the love of God.” Damon clasped her beneath the elbow, pulled her behind one of the many curtains that draped the walls and pushed her against the wall. “You’re enough to drive the sanest man mad, do you know that?” he said through clenched teeth.

    Bonnie stared up at Damon and she could see it in his expression, the same look he would give her on occasion, one she saw all too often in Lorenzo’s eyes.

“Damon…”

    He let go of her and backed away from the wall, putting space between them. Bonnie needed something to do with her hands and so fixed her mask; her fingers trembled and her skin felt stretched tight, she yearned to go back into the hall, back into the crowd so His Majesty could find her again, being obscured from his presence made her want to claw at her skin.  “Most irregular,” she repeated beneath her breath.

    Get a hold of yourself, Bonnie.

    She cleared her throat.  “His liaisons are well known for their brevity, cousin,” she said, returning to her snappish tone. “The King is quite fickle, even if he had me who’s to say it would be for more than a few rendezvous.”

    “Do not play coy, cousin. Elena is right it is most infuriating,” said Damon. “I know you know ways to retain his interest, play his passions. Put them to use. We shall see this family rise, I don’t want to hear anything more about it.”

    There was a shift in music and some more clapping. It was time to dance.

    “I had originally planned to dance with Elena but as our faith now resides in you, you will accompany me in this dance and find your way to His Majesty. Take my arm.”

    Bonnie sighed heavily and the slipped her hand in the crook of Damon’s elbow.


                                                 _____________

It was instant and indescribable all at once — a longing so intense that it momentarily robbed Malachai of breath. His fingertips tingled. His entire body hummed. All he could see was the lady in red, the rest of the court was lost in darkness; he was barely aware of the steps he took across the floor, of his sister Josephine’s hand in his as they danced to the harps and the flutes alike. He no longer belonged to himself.

    Josephine said something; a dispute against her upcoming marriage he was sure but he couldn’t even bring himself to listen idly, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything but will his body to sense the lady’s presence in the room. He’d always enjoyed beautiful women, looking at them, ravishing them; his appetite for their company was insatiable and his lust nearly always immediate. Yet this feeling was entirely distinctive from his usual fancies. The masquerade prevented Malachai from seeing the lady’s face; she was a scarlet swan in dresses of crimson but she claimed his attention, possessed his gaze, entirely, unyieldingly. With each step they took toward each other, desire shivered through Malachai and he ached with a readiness, an urgency to claim her, possess her; her body, her soul, her mind, her very being. It was entirely novel, this need to devour, and still it overwhelmed him.

    “Malachai, are you listening to me?” said Josephine.

    “No.”

    “But —”

    “Your king has made his decision. Do not contradict me.”

    “I—”

Malachai extended his hand, twirling Josephine away from him so that she could face her next partner and in her place — the lady. Malachai stared at her, his mouth slightly agape, his gaze piercing through the red mask to her eyes; vivid green and dauntless, a hint of brazenness that made his mouth dry and body harden. He committed everything he could to memory; her dusky complexion and ocean of black hair, dappled and bejeweled with rubies; her lips, a perfect heart, that plagued Malachai with a violent frustration because he was not at that moment kissing them, owning them with his own. Her hand in his inflamed him so that he felt himself sweat; a heat burned beneath his skin and flooded his gut, there was a charge between them, he felt it radiate from her being as much as his.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“Bonnie, Your Majesty,” said the lady. “Bonnie Bennett.”

They started to twirl around each other, as close as they could without touching and Malachai was devastated with the sensation, the tension of nearly touching her; he itched to grab her, hold her, to feel her soft skin beneath his hands.

“You’re not Italian,” he whispered.

Malachai’s breathy murumr in Bonnie’s ear caused her to sigh deeply, which in turn made Malachai’s breath catch in his throat.

“No, your Majesty,” said Bonnie, willing her voice to remain steady and unaffected. “However, my sister and I haven’t been in England for a few years.” She circled him as the other women circled their dance partners but Malachai couldn’t help himself and turned his head to follow Bonnie’s movements, to ensure there was never a moment he couldn’t see her.

When she found her way back in front of him, Malachai’s lips parted. He needed to know everything he could about her before the song was over and the dance was done. “You have a sister then.”

“Yes. Elena,” said Bonnie. “I’m sure you’ve noticed her, she’s like the sun.”

“I’ve seen no sun in this court, only the lustrous beauty of the moon.”

Bonnie grinned, trying to find humble words. “I’m sure the sun will rise soon enough in court. I’ve been told it’s only natural that the sun outshines the moon.”

She and Malachai glided toward one another, the noses of their masks nearly touching, his blue eyes piercing into her green ones as they twirled in a tight circle. Bonnie held her breath; she would surely lose herself in his gaze, shivers erupted all along her body, along her arms and back, along her legs and breasts, his stare touched every part of her body. “But is it not true, Lady Bonnie, that the moon eclipses the sun?”

She couldn’t speak.

They spun away from each other and bowed as the music stopped playing. “I expect to see you and your family at the English court soon,” said Malachai.

And before Bonnie could say more than “Your Majesty”, he had turned on his heel and walked back to the high table, his sister’s hand in his.