and i feel dumb that they're sitting there. so here we are

How them 2000s live actions kids shows be
  • Normal Girl: *internally* I'm just a normal high school girl. I suck at math. I hate my parents. When someone asks me about my opinion on complex socioeconomic issues, I just go "What the heck!?" and start "texting" or something like that. My life would be just like yours, except for one thing: I have an amazing power... I can talk to cetaceans!
  • *at the docks, a bell tolls as our normal protagonist hears the voices of cetaceans bubbling in her mind*
  • Normal Girl: *staring deeply into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: Ahoy! What're you doing?
  • Normal Girl: Just staring into the oceanic abyss, thinking about how much I hate my parents. *internally* I have to keep my ability to speak to cetaceans secret or else... uh...
  • Best Friend: Haha, I feel that, friend. What a colorful life we teens live, our seaside environment awakening a rumbling darkness within ourselves of which we mull on our own with nothing but the unbounding depths of the ocean as our one escape. An escape which serves to only maim our fragile egos with newfound adolescent anxieties.
  • Normal Girl: What are you even talking about?
  • Best Friend: I don't know. I haven't slept in a week. Let's go to the mall.
  • *at the mall*
  • Normal Girl: *internally* My town might as well be called Lamesville. Nothing ever happens here, but the mall can be pretty fun. It's only place in the whole town with anything in it that isn't fish or excessive amounts of woodlice.
  • Best Friend: ...So I'd just dance and I'd dance until my feet broke. When that happened, I'd just get up and dance on my broken feet. And I did this until they were raw and blood was everywhere. I kept waking up in the morning extremely exhausted after this dream. I decided to record myself one night and it turns out I was dancing in my sleep. I haven't slept since I saw that. *leans in close to the normal girl* I'm afraid of what I'll do in my sleep.
  • Normal Girl: Wow, sounds weird... I guess. *sips coffee*
  • Best Friend: OMIGAWD! It's Chad Alphakid. He's coming this way!
  • *the normal girl and her best friend squee*
  • Normal Girl: *externally* That's Chad Alphakid. Who is he? He's only the hottest most coolest boy in this entire lame city. I've been crushing on him since I was like twelve.
  • Chad: Uh, okay.
  • Normal Girl: Did I just say that out loud!?
  • Chad: *sits at the table* Listen, I don't care what you or your friend think of me. I need help!
  • Best Friend: Have you murdered somebody?
  • Normal Girl: Do you need a girlfriend?
  • Chad: No, it's the ocean. The sound of her waves crashing against the shore is like a faultless siren song. There isn't a single night where I don't have visions of floating within her cold embrace. The allure of her boundless depths beckon to me like a lover. I'm afraid that if I don't get help soon, I'll find myself taken away by her to a fate unknown.
  • Normal Girl: *internally* Great, this is a chance to finally use my power to speak to cetaceans to my benefit! *externally* But why do you need us to help you?
  • Chad: You guys are the biggest fucking degenerate weirdos in this washed up town. If anyone knows how to deal with this, it's you two.
  • Best Friend: Haha, truuuuuu!
  • Normal Girl: I'm not a weirdo! I'm a completely normal girl.
  • Chad: Dude, you fucking talk to fish.
  • Best Friend: You do talk to fish.
  • Normal Girl: I don't talk to fish! *internally* I talk to cetaceans, they're mammals, not fish. Also, that's supposed to be a secret, dammit!
  • *at the shore*
  • Chad: Ah, Mother Ocean! Take me!! Take me!!! *attempts to run into the ocean, but gets held back by the normal girl and her best friend*
  • Best Friend: Simmer down, aqualad!
  • Chad: Why did you fools take me here, if not to release into the embrace of sweet Mother Ocean!?
  • Normal Girl: We talked it over and we decided that the best way to get you over your obsession is make you hate the ocean.
  • Chad: Does it involve you talking to fish?
  • Normal Girl: Yes, I mean no. I mean, fuck! Cetaceans aren't fish.
  • *the normal girl sits at the edge of shore, her eyes rolls up in her head as she proceeds to make fucked up porpoise sounds*
  • Normal Girl: *falls over limp*
  • Best Fried: She died.
  • Chad: Does this mean that I'm free to wade into Mother Ocean and meet my fate among her ever chaotic waes?
  • Best Friend: *lets chad go* Yeah, dude. I'm too far gone to care about things anymore.
  • Chad: *strips off all of his clothes* Good. I now understand that there was no avoiding this. This was always a forgone conclusion. My fate is with the waves. Sayonara, weird best friend guy.
  • Chad: *runs into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: *kicks the normal girl's body* Guess she really is dead.
  • Best Friend: *walks home as the night encroaches* My closest friend is dead, and Chad is probably dead too. I wonder where my fate lies?
  • Best Friend: *yawns* Maybe I should go to sleep and just dance myself to death finally. No, I don't think I could go to sleep even if I wanted to anymore. I'm probably going to die from exhaustion in the next few days, not having felt rest or comfort again. Or maybe I'll just stay awake forever. I feel like I was supposed to have an epiphany here, or some type of awakening. But, there's nothing. I feel like everything I've ever done has been pointless. God, I'm just really tired.
  • *back at the shore*
  • Porpoise: *beaches itself*
  • *a gray fleshy version of the normal girl crawls halfway out of the porpoises mouth*
  • Normal Girl: There goes my corpse! *drags her weird porpoise body towards the corpse* Why did I die with such a dumb expression on my face? Lame! I hope Chad didn't see.
  • Normal Girl: *looks around with beady eyes* No one's here. I can finally do this.
  • Normal Girl: *kisses her dead body on the lips* Blargh!
  • Normal Girl: *spits out blood* I bit my tongue when I died. Gross. I guess I can cross making out with my dead body and becoming a mermaid off of my bucket list, though.
  • Normal Girl: *sighs*

red-paladin  asked:

how about some fluffy pre-family au. these two dumb college boys just started dating and keith takes his new boyfriend on a cute picnic date (or vice versa) like trying to catch grapes or candies the other person is throwing with their mouths and all that cute shit. at first it's a bit awkward since the relationship is still really new but then they remember they were friends before and realise it's stupid to be so nervous around each other. basically they're adorable dorks in love <333

[The Voltron Pre-Family] So, last night Shiro—Keith’s best friend—confessed to him. Long story short, they were together-together and Keith was freaking out.

He didn’t know anything about relationships, more so, what you do in it. Who knew having a boyfriend could bring so much unnecessary dilemma to him? He could be reading a book and yet here he was googling something dumb. 

Keith Kogane: Shiro. You up for lunch together later?
Takashi Shirogane changed Keith Kogane to ShirosLoveOfHisLife.
ShirosLoveOfHisLife: What the actual ef
ShirosLoveOfHisLife: Did you seriously just change my name?
Takashi Shirogane: It’s the truth! You can change mine if you want. 😉
ShirosLoveOfHisLife changed Takashi Shirogane to Shiropoop.
Shiropoop: That’s a typo right? You were meant to type Shiropoo?? Right?
ShirosLoveOfHisLife: Nope. I didn’t. Cause you’re so full of shit sometimes.
Shiropoop: Now that’s just really mean. ☹️
ShirosLoveOfHisLife: Beggars can’t be choosers.
Shiropoop changed ShirosLoveOfHisLife to RedBean.
RedBean: W H Y
Shiropoop: Because you love red and I love beans and I love you. 😁
Shiropoop: Keith, you’re making those weird noises. Are you alright?
Shiropoop: Oh my gosh. YOU’RE BLUSHING! 
RedBean: Say that again and I’m going to break up with you.
Shiropoop: You can’t do that! 😰 We’ve only been together for 7 hours! BUT WHO’S COUNTING!? 😤😤
RedBean: Just. Let’s have lunch together later ok?
Shiropoop: Why do you act all so shy? 😏 We always eat lunch together.

Hours later, Keith texted the location where they would meet after Shiro’s microbiology class. He had it all prepared and he hoped it wasn’t too cheesy. 

“Oh my god, this is so cheesy!” A new voice caught Keith’s attention.

He looked up and saw Shiro walking towards him. He had a black blanket laid on the ground and a picnic basket on his side. He glared at his boyfriend who sat down beside him.

“I mean, it’s not a bad thing! I love it! I love cheesy things!” Shiro held both his hands up in surrender, then his face softened into a smile. “This is wonderful, Keith. I didn’t peg you to be the kind of guy who liked eating outdoors while observing nature. So what do we have for lunch?”

Keith just rolled his eyes and turned to the side to place the basket between them. He took out two tupperwares and handed one to Shiro, “I cooked us spaghetti simply because I wanted that.”

“Of course,” Shiro chuckled softly, opening the container. “Hmm, smells delicious. As expected from Master Chef Keith.”

“And then I have fruits. I got us grapes and oranges because you love grapes and I love oranges.” 

“How considerate, thank you.”

“And lastly, mango juice boxes because I have to be practical. I can’t have liquids spilling all over my basket,” he placed both on the blanket. 

Shiro’s face lit up upon seeing them. “I haven’t had a juice box since I was in elementary!” He examined one back to back with such delight. Then he looked at Keith who was sitting cross legged, observing him while playing with his fingers. Shiro must’ve noticed that something was on Keith’s mind but if ever he did, he chose not to voice it out.

They ate and they chat like they usually do, except Shiro sat really close to him and their thighs bumped each other, again, no big deal or so Keith tried to think so. It wasn’t until Shiro started throwing grapes at him for his mouth to catch that Keith started to feel a little awkward. He might have noticed that people began staring at them and it didn’t help either that Shiro was looking at him with that love struck face as if it was just them in the school amphitheater. Keith didn’t know when the place started to get crowded. 

“Keith, look at me,” Shiro’s voice disrupted his thoughts. He took Keith’s hands and as soon as their eyes met, he continued, “Is it getting too much for you?”

Keith shook his head. “It’s just—,” he paused to look at their hands. “We were just best friends yesterday morning and right now…,” he paused again to let out a deep breath. “It’s… it’s a lot to take in. It’s really kinda weird to get feelings reciprocated. I mean, obviously, Starfire can’t return my feelings since she’s a fictional character and—”

The gentle squeeze he received from Shiro made Keith look down at their hands once again. He looked up at Shiro and he was just smiling at him.

“You’re rambling again,” his boyfriend said. “I know we started as friends who didn’t have romantic feelings for each other, so doing couple things together might be a little weird and awkward for you first. This is your first relationship after all. But you’re doing great so far, Keith,” Shiro paused to bump his finger on Keith’s chin which made him smile. “You thought of this great lunch picnic and I’m not sure if it would matter, but no one had ever done this for me.”

“Man, you had really shitty girlfriends back then,” Keith chuckled, feeling somewhat a little better. 

Shiro just shrugged it off, “Well, they obviously had nothing on my boyfriend, who can cook great pasta and is apparently cheating on me with Starfire.”

“Oh, shut up,” Keith rolled his eyes fondly. “She was my first love.” 

After they cleaned up their place, they headed to their next classes together. Shiro’s room was nearer, so when they reached the door to his class, Shiro pulled Keith into a goodbye hug. “Thanks again for lunch. Also, if you’d like, we can take things slow. Go at your own pace.”

“Yeah,” Keith nodded. “I’d very much like that.” 

The 100 ways to say 'I love you' femslash edition
  • 1. "I always know when you're lying"
  • 2. "You, kids; I can see it"
  • 3. "You just wake up like that, naturally flawless"
  • 4. "It's fun seeing you like this"
  • 5. "I got a bottle of schnapps and half a rhubarb pie; let's see which one makes us sick first"
  • 6. "I just want to make crazy science with you"
  • 7. "It’s a big cliff, you just have to leap"
  • 8. "I think we're gonna be really fast friends"
  • 9. "We have nothing in common... couldn’t be more different"
  • 10. "You don't deserve any of this, so just put it on me and I'll take it"
  • 11. "You might be nuts but what can I say - you're my kind of crazy"
  • 12. "Sorry I'm late. It's nice to see you"
  • 13. "Maybe I'm going to get my heart broken into a million little pieces, but those are just maybes, and you can't live your life according to maybes"
  • 14. "You said it yourself; this is about us"
  • 15. "So what are we gonna do, gorgeous?"
  • 16. "We're kind of friends, huh?"
  • 17. "Maybe we should just marry each other"
  • 18. "I double dare you; kiss me now"
  • 19. "I'm staying here because I wanna stay here"
  • 20. "Before we get started, I just want you to know, if you're a screamer, feel free"
  • 21. "I want us to be friends; would you like that?"
  • 22. "How will I survive without my best friend?"
  • 23. "I’m not afraid of you"
  • 24. "You don't have to hide from anyone anymore"
  • 25. "What the hell, you want some?"
  • 26. "I'd pick you first"
  • 27. "Would you be surprised to learn you’ve been on my mind?"
  • 28. "It is nice to have you. Here. Have you here."
  • 29. "You should come with me"
  • 30. "It was the only way I could think of to save you"
  • 31. "Don't be afraid"
  • 32. "Who can say if I've been changed for the better but because I knew you, I have been changed for good"
  • 33. "Don't forget me"
  • 34. "The geek speak is working, Doctor"
  • 35. "You need my help"
  • 36. "You are physically flawless"
  • 37. "There's someone in particular that's really worried about you"
  • 38. "I heart you"
  • 39. "I’m not going anywhere"
  • 40. "Sophomore year, I used to sit in this back row and secretly watch you. I counted the number of times you’d smile at me, and I’d die on days that you didn’t"
  • 41. "Any guy would be insanely lucky to go out with you"
  • 42. "I'm under your spell"
  • 43. "I’m not gonna stop trying; even if you still wanna kill me"
  • 44. "When I'm with you I feel like I'm a better person"
  • 45. "May we meet again"
  • 46. "A lot of pressure up there"
  • 47. "Thank you for inviting me"
  • 48. "I promised you once I'd help you get your happy ending"
  • 49. "I'm so glad that I met you"
  • 50. "I just want you to be safe"
  • 51. "You're a celestial body"
  • 52. "Prettiest girl I’ve ever met, but you’re a lot more than that"
  • 53. "You are deceptively complex; I do not understand you"
  • 54. "I’ve been waiting out here all night"
  • 55. "How do you say goodbye to the one person who knows you better than anyone else?"
  • 56. "What do you like to do?"
  • 57. "You certainly know how to make a first impression"
  • 58. "I know you're in there; I can see the light's on"
  • 59. "Were we really friends?"
  • 60. "My gift to you is good memories"
  • 61. "No; I'm not leaving without you"
  • 62. "It’s good to see you again"
  • 63. "Where you go, I'm at your side"
  • 64. "Fuck this guy; so many people are gonna love you"
  • 65. "I never meant to let you down"
  • 66. "In 1698 it might as well have been sex"
  • 67. "I’ll kiss your dumb lips"
  • 68. "You’re so special to me"
  • 69. "I know that was you"
  • 70. "Never thought I'd be so happy to see someone in pain"
  • 71. "I’m going with you"
  • 72. "You're not like anyone I've ever met, in any of my many lifetimes"
  • 73. "I choose you; I will always choose you"
  • 74. "The past doesn’t matter anymore, you’re with me now"
  • 75. "I'll say it when you come back"
  • 76. "You can tell me anything"
  • 77. "I just want you to know you're safe with me"
  • 78. "You made it"
  • 79. "I always made you think your feelings for me were totally one-sided, that wasn’t true; those kisses weren’t just for practice"
  • 80. "You deserve the best of everything"
  • 81. "You’re going to hate me forever and that would just break my heart"
  • 82. "You taking something for the pain?"
  • 83. "Always"
  • 84. "I really want you to come... with me"
  • 85. "Well, if you need anything, I'm around"
  • 86. "You do whatever it takes to protect your family"
  • 87. "I release you"
  • 88. "You're still cute"
  • 89. "I need a favor"
  • 90. "I'm not leaving, friends don't do that to one another"
  • 91. "I have a cure for a headache that doesn't involve coffee"
  • 92. "Hey, look, I hugged you there! Did you see how I hugged you?"
  • 93. "Don't make me climb over this stall; I'll do it but I'll be really pissed"
  • 94. "You're my person"
  • 95. "You should have a muffin; they're really good and they help you"
  • 96. "Dance with me"
  • 97. "You deserve it more than anyone; go, let yourself be loved"
  • 98. "You minx"
  • 99. "You've change me and I am not easy to change"
  • And...
  • 100. "I love you"
Jerome Valeska Imagine “They're not talking”

Originally posted by valeska-king

(gif isn’t mine)

Pairing: Jerome Valeska x reader

Requested: nope (Guys! Please send me requests! My dumb ass can’t think of any good imagine ideas!)

Warnings: slight cursing and self harm

A/N: it’s short and kinda crappy. Tbh wasn’t in the mood cause my term ends and I stress about my grades especially my chemistry class cause I don’t know chemistry at all and we’ll have a huge test next week, but I thought that you deserve an imagine so here it is. Please let me know if you liked it and excuse me for my grammar mistakes! And please let me know if you liked it! (Btw maybe I’ll write a “part 2″)


It seemed like you’ve been here forever. Every day was just like the previous one. The only thing that entertained you were voices inside your head. One was husky and deep and the other one was also deep but a bit squeaky (you also have had stupid nicknames for them: Husk and Squeak) Sometimes this squeakiness annoyed you. You were talking to them. Sometimes they weren’t nice to you. Sometimes they were assaulting you. When they were doing that you tried to silence them screaming, banging you head against the wall or with your hands. If you did that doctors would come after you, they would pump you with some sort of meds, sometimes they would tie you to your bed. You were used to it. It was your life now. 

It was just a regular day. You were sitting alone as usual, having a conversation with the voices. A loud noise informed you of someone new coming.

You looked at the door and saw a handsome ginger walking in. He looked only a few years older.

‘Wow! He’s hot!’ the squeaky voice said.

‘Well yes he is, but he will not even look at you.’ the husky one informed you. 

‘Why are you always so negative?’ you said in your head.

‘I’m not negative, I’m just being realistic’ .  

‘Whatever’ you barked at voices in your head

‘Well now you’re just being mean I don’t even want to talk to you’ Husk said.

‘What?! Cmon Husk!’

‘You know she’s right! I won’t talk to you either!’ the second voice squeaked 

‘No guys please!’ No response ‘Talk to me!’ Still nothing “Talk!” you shouted out loud jumping on your feet “Talk to me!” you started hitting your head with your hands. Silence. “I SAID TALK TO ME!” you sprinted towards the wall smashing into it.

“Hey! Calm down!” Two doctors ran to you injecting you something. Your vision immediately started to blurr.

“You don’t understand…they are not talking to me…they are…” you faded

When you woke up in your room, you were tied to your bed. 

‘Husk? Squeak?’ 

‘We are still here hun and will always be here…we’re sorry for upsetting you’ 

You were talking with them for the rest of the night. 

The next day you were sitting at your usual spot trying to read a book while voices in your head were playing words.

Suddenly somebody snapped fingers in front of your face “Earth to you, doll” the handsome ginger was sitting in front of you. Anxiety pinned you down. 

‘Don’t fuck up’ Husk said before voices in your head silenced.

“Awesome! So now I have your attention!” A big smile appeared on his face “I’m Jerome” His smile grew even bigger. 

“I’m Y/N” 

“Nice to meet ya Y/N! Ooh by the way I’ve got a little present for you!” Jerome slipped his hand into a pocket and took out a cupcake “Thought you liked sweet food”

“You guessed right!” You gave him a small smile and took the cupcake, stuffing your mouth with it. 

Jerome watched as you were chewing sweet dough.

“What you’ve been reading gorgeous?” He took your book and looked at its cover. “Romeo and Juliet?” he raised his ginger eyebrows.

“It’s so fun to read about people killing themselves because of the feeling that doesn’t exist” 

“It truly does sound fun”

“Why are you here J? Is it ok that I call you J?”

“You can call me whatever you want, gorgeous”

“Awesome! So why are you here?”

“Well, I killed my mommy” he grinned. It scared you a bit. That he talked about it so easily. Well sometimes you wanted to kill your mom too. For example when she sent you here.

You moved your face closer to his “Did she nag?” you whispered

“That’s exactly what she’s been doing! Are you reading my thoughts doll?!”

“That’s exactly what I do!” You grinned

“And what such innocent thing like you is doing here?” he whispered back

“Well there are voices in my head! Squeak and Husk!” For the first time in your life you felt totally ok talking about your problem.

“You have nicknames for them?”

“Well yeah I do. I mean why not?” You both chuckled.

“So yesterday you’ve done this because of the voices?” Jerome touched the bruise on your forehead. You nodded. “Why don’t you come with me to my friend’s table?” he offered you his hand.

“I’d like to” you took his hand.

‘I’m proud of you!’ Squeaky voice said

anonymous asked:

Why is the s/o always so responsible? I want Dabi and Chisaki with a s/o who doesn't have their shit together; always forgets to take care of themselves bc they're a freelance digital artist/coder (=sits in front of their pc all day) and deadlines are painful; bonus points if they draw nsfw/code isn't working and crypticly talk about how meaningless life is w a straight face; bonus bonus points if the programm crashes and they haven't saved in an hour (cue silent crying)

This request is so freaking relatable to me though. I write fan fiction headcanons for a blog on my own time, yet I feel like I need to shoot these requests out from a semi-automatic pistol.

-Mod Pasta🍜🍝


🕶”When’s the last time you ate?”

“When’s the last time YOU ate?” You shot back, and he sighed before walking to the kitchen to prepare you something. The moment he was away, you continued to draw on your tablet. When he returned with cereal and a spoon, you stared up at him as warmth filled your chest.

“That’s a dumb fucking smile, (F/N),” he muttered, and you flipped your tablet around to show him the smut you were drawing, causing his eyebrows to raise to the top of his head.

“Why don’t we try this tonight, Dabi?”

“You don’t have to ask me twice.”

🕶”I DIDN’T CHECK THE EXPIRATION DATE, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?” You shouted back at him from the bathroom. You glared at the door to his bathroom, the white wood blurring as pain clutched.

“You’re a goddamn idiot, you know that?” He shot back from somewhere else in his apartment. Unbeknownst to you, he was actually checking the due date on the rest of the food in the house. He loves you, but he isn’t willing to admit how worried he had been when you texted him “i think sometime stabbed my stomach from the inside.”

🕶An unearthly scream met his ears, and Dabi was in your shared room in a record of four seconds. His heart beat quickly, as he saw your tablet on the carpet, your hands shaking as you gaped staring down at the rough line drawing of something.

“What the Hell is it? I thought someone had come in and goddamn raped you!” He shouted, stomping up to you and grabbing your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

“I-I…” you felt your throat tighten, and you swallowed before looking away from his intense gaze, “I forgot to s-save my work, and the program crashed and… it didn’t auto save in time, and…”

He sighed, shaking his head as his heart started to slow down. He glanced at the piece; it was a simple one of some boy with a black mullet getting pounded by a short haired boy doggy style. He then looked back at you, taking a deep breath before he stepped over your tablet and slammed his foot into the back of your chair, tipping it backwards until it clanked against the wall. You yelped, tending up and fidgeting in place as Dabi leaned down slowly, his personal training evident right now.

“I think you deserve to be punished, both for scaring me and for not saving.”

Chisaki Kai:
💊He had first hired you to code a simple program for him, but he was so impressed with your work (and the sneaky little heart you let for him at the end of the coding) that he offered you a date, and things blossomed since then.

💊He quickly found out that not only do you forget to shower, you own a massive amount of perfume and absolutely forget to use it.

💊If you don’t shower at least once every other day, Kai will put an arm around your waist and pull you to the shower. Then he’ll make sure you’re cleaned from the inside out.

💊He’s a bit germaphobic, so if you leave wrappers anywhere, he WILL be disfiguring your work surface with his quirk until the wrapper is cleaned up.

💊”K-Kai… I’m gonna fucking sell this tablet and be a stripper,” You whispered, and he glanced up from his papers to give you a deadpan stare.

“That’s the third time today you’ve said that. Go over the code, you usually mix up forward slashes and backslashes,” he threw out the observation simply before going back to his work, “besides, you have all the sex you need right here.”


“I’m on my break. Bend over.”

💊If you get cramps from sitting on your ass all day, he’ll buy and throw one of those blue desk chairs that actually is a blow up ball at you.

💊He could care less that your program crashes, but he’ll give you a crisp pat on the head if you rewrite it all.

Shtpost #2


EXO is currently taking over my life. 

(i hear distant groans of agreement don’t lie i know we all are being dominated by a particular south korean family that sing and dance and do crazy stuff)

I wake up and the first thing I instinctively do is literally open my phone (no lie) and go on Instagram and search up chanbaek crap (hands up if you follow chanbaek_sister or chanbaek_idclub ayyyyy) because I am that fking deprived of EXO and also because international fan sTrugGLEs. 

Oh, i also heard rion (the ‘fan’ of suho who is always making him feel uncomfortable and exos disgsuted bc she did unspeakable things while obsessing over junmyeon) attended the manila concert.. yikes (i dont want this post to be negative so let’s just stop here and wish for. suho’s well-being) and then something else like an anti (i’m not going to spread names) bringing plush penguin toys to the concert and stuffing rocks inside them with the intention of throwing them at exo??? like, you’re just become absolutely petty and rude and dumb and i kind of want to laugh at these ‘fans’ bc they’re so… immature and sad (but hey, to everyone reading this, bts and exo and in fact, all kpop groups, are close-knit friends. they know what it’s like to have to practice for crap all day and they respect each other. i just want everyone to be positive and love because that’s how. we can end these disputes. i hate having to see ‘armys are just petty 13 y/o babies hating on exo’ or ‘exols are so loud and annoying don’t they get tired of screaming’ crap all the time on my feed. it wasn’t like this before. and we were a family once, we can be a family again. it’s not that hard. 



Who wouldn’t like these two beautiful beans?

Chanyeol loves Baekhyun so much that Baekhyun loves him back I-

And did anyone else notice that for their special stage Baekhyun and Chanyeol had MATCHING BRACELETS????!!!!?!?! I had to rewatch the stage because of a chanbaek fanvid (yes, that’s how I found most of my moments despite being a 2015-current fan) and I literally had to pause,

sit back,

look again,

lean closer,

and just:

me: bish what?

like, hello?

*asian voice* what, the hell?

okay please please please tell me they went on a little secret “boyfriends-that-do-a-lot-of-romantic-stuff-but-it-isn’t-platonic-or-anything” nights’ out and got each other bracelets like the ones in scarlet heart ryeo shkhsdkufhjh i love how they’re so intimate and lovely with each other *insert guttural noises*

another thing i realized is whenever baekhyun smiles or does something, chanyeol always seems to feel it and just copy his (boyfriend’s) best friend bandmate’s actions i stg they’re sOULMATES~~~

also, i’ve noticed that baekhyun’s movements are always so soft and gentle but if you notice, during concerts he’d always go the extra mile and have the perfect facial expression, hand gestures, everything, so that he’d look smooth af (probs why some call him daddy…(please don’t)) so when he’s standing beside this giant of a dork, aka the endorser of masks, baek always seems to small and cy always needs to protect him (although they probably hit each other and play lol all weekend)

i mean, just look:

you have their ridiculously weird side…

you also have their romantic yet fluffy side


but then you get this “???” aka “error 404?”

pcy…your hands. hands. hands to yourself, please. ( although i’m lowkey wishing that they had more skinship ;-;)

pcy where are your HANDS!! keep the awards pg-13 please!

(but baekhyun smirked so i actually have no idea what they are anymore hahahaha)

yeah so that was my rant because i just realized how. much i. love . exo . and chanyeol and baekhyun and exo in general like SEHUN, the baby that has a lot of respect, XIUMIN, the kind-hearted hyung who loves everyone and just wants to make everyone get comfortable, SUHO, the leader who never gives up and always laughs because he loves his members so much, KAI, the hardworking second maknae with the most contagious laugh ever (personal opinion), CHEN, the lowkey most observant vocal range god that everyone loves, LAY, the one who is selfless, innocent, and willing to try new things, D.O., our precious squishy bean who has the smoothest voice and the chillest attitude. EXO is such an important part of my life that I almost wish that I had never met them (it’s a good thing to think, almost like when the water is so cold it numbs you and you think it feels hot) 

So, kudos to all the exo fans who supported exo and stayed together no matter what happened because it’s only thanks to. you that i can be so blessed like this. love ya~

tanktopsandplaidboxers  asked:

My babies in high school and they are giant dorks who go to their first prom together because they're in love :)) but neither of them know how to dance so it's kinda awkward, throw in a first kiss and I'll be peachy! Go sterek!

High school AUs are like cocaine, man, totally addicting. Loved the prompt and I hope you enjoy your fic!! 


“But Derek!”

“Stiles -”

“It’s Prom! We have to go.” Stiles whines, flopping onto Derek’s bed with a huff while Derek puts his backpack down by the door and desk.

“Prom is a social gathering constructed to make girls pay out their ass for dresses, neither of us have dates with said girls, and you don’t know how to dance.” Derek lists off calmly while pulling out his biology book and putting it on his desk. The nerd is probably going to actually finish his homework before Mrs. Hale calls them to dinner.

“I know how to dance!” Stiles sits up, crossing his arms indignantly. Derek turns his chair around to level him with a ‘really now?’ kind of look. “Fine, I don’t dance well, but you said you know h-”

“I never said -”

“It was implied by your lack of participation in the statement you made,” Stiles steamrolls over him, “so, why don’t you teach me?” Stiles smiles, big and dorky and slowly brings up his hands in a pleading gesture. Derek could never survive the puppy eyes.

“Fine,” Stiles woops in excitement, “but not tonight, I have a history paper. And I’m still not going, you’re on your own.” Before Stiles can properly protest, Mrs. Hale can be heard calling from the kitchen downstairs -

“That sounds an awful lot like chit-chat and not enough homework.” They’re quick to stick their noses into textbooks after that.

“No, Stiles, your left foot. Your other left.” Derek groaned from his chair, slapping a hand over his eyes as he watched his best friend fumble around like a complete idiot.

“This would work a lot better if you were actually, you know, leading me.” Stiles harrumphs, tossing himself onto the bed behind him, dropping his arms. He felt silly dancing with some invisible person.

“Fine, just get up.” Both boys stand and then stand awkwardly, obviously unsure of how to continue the idea. Derek squares his shoulders with a mini pep talk and decides to just go for it. It’s his best friend, nothing weird. He reaches for Stiles’ hands and places his hands on his shoulders and rolls his eyes as he complains about gender roles and sexism.

“Now, just follow my lead.” Derek is surprised by how confident he manages to sound despite the fact that other than an hour’s worth of YouTube videos, he has no idea what he’s doing.

“You make it sound easy.” Stiles scoffs, staring down at their feet while they attempt to shuffle in the square pattern he had seen demonstrated in various videos.

“Shut up,” Derek says, but maybe it was less for Stiles’ benefit and more a quick hit to his internal dialogue that was mostly - Stiles is warm and his hands are soft around your neck and his hips feel nice and is he using a new shampoo because this one smells more like apples than the cinnamon he usually uses and his shoulders look really nice in this shirt and - he was going to stop himself there. He was so fucked.

“Derek, we are leaving in half an hour,” Stiles said sternly, hands on his hips, hips clothed by navy blue slacks that went all too well with his white shirt and matching blazer. His hair was styled and he smelled clean and sharp like the cologne he only brought out for special occasions.

“Since when did I agree to go to Prom?”

“What bu- Dude, I,” Stiles’ eyes widen comically before he whispers very quietly, “I never asked you to Prom.”


“I, uh, well, would you like to go to Prom with me, Derek?” Stiles asks with a small flourish of his hands and a sheepish grin.

“You are such and idiot, give me twenty minutes.” Derek hustles back up to his room and pulls out the suit his mom helped him pick out for Aunt Victoria’s wedding last month. Trying not to agonize too much over the details he styled his hair and slapped on some aftershave. Twenty eight minutes later they’re at the school.

“Thanks for coming, Der.” Stiles tells him as they walk into the ocean themed gymnasium. With low lights and snack/drink table, and a DJ at the front.

“Can’t leave you to participate in the greatest high school cliche alone.” They mill around, bumping into their various friends from classes and talking about the dance. They’re at the drink table when Derek catches Stiles staring at something. Derek follows his gaze and finds Lydia Martin, sitting alone with a small pout on her soft pink lips.

“You can go, you know.” Stiles hums in confusion, turning to look at him, “I mean, it’s okay if you want to go ask her to dance. Now’s your chance for what, step eight in the ten year plan?” Derek tries to smile but he loses confidence when he sees Stiles’ frown.

“What the hell do you mean?”

“It’s just,” Derek looks down at his dress shoes, hating that he has to explain himself, “Lydia is right there all alone. This is your perfect opportunity.” He shrugs.

“What am I supposed to as her?” Derek huffs, Stiles has got to be dense on purpose. He’s too smart for this.

“Ask her to dance, woo her, ask her on a date!” Derek throws his plastic cup away angrily, tries to walk away but is stopped by a familiar long fingered hand.

“Why the hell would I do that when I’m here with you, dumbass?” Stiles asks incredulously with an edge of frustration.

“What? Wait, you actually meant a date when you asked me to Prom?”



“I was spelling it out because you are so dumb sometimes.” With that Stiles leans in and presses a quick kiss to Derek’s lips before retreating shyly like he thinks he’s done something wrong.

“No no no, come back,” Derek reels him back in and actually reciprocates this time enjoying the soft noise Stiles makes at the contact. They stand like that until a teacher walks by to break them apart. “I demand a proper Prom-posal.”

“Okay, princess.” Stiles laughs as he dodges Derek’s smack.

The next day Derek comes home to his driveway covered in rose petals and a big sign on the garage door asking “Will you go to Prom with me?” and a very pink Stiles holding a bouquet.


I hope you all enjoyed the fics and stay tuned for a special announcement in about an hour and a half!!

anonymous asked:

Hello!! You said you wanted to write about Carlos and I want to read about Carlos so maybe I could prompt something like Carlos feeling out of place, wether its in auradon or the isle, and the rest if the vk helps him with it and stuff? And they're just really good friends?? You could add jaylos if you wanted to or something

Thanks for the prompt, I love everything regarding Carlos so this is right up my ally!

I’ve also been looking for some Carlos/Mal things because I think her dominance and his sweeter nature work well together. So this focuses on them a lot. This was also inspired by Simon Says by Inthemadhouse (aka, same person who writes Detours).


Simple tests, Fairy Godmother had said, just to…see where you are academically!

Which was bullshit, Carlos knew. He just sat in a room with some dude in a beige jacket who asked him normal questions. Nothing about science or math or even studying. Like he just wanted to see how Carlos interacted with another human being.

“It was that bad, huh?” Mal asks from her bed. He had come straight to her room after meeting with Dr. Doppler because…that’s what they always did. He always went to Mal, just like Evie and Jay did.

“How can you tell?”

“I can hear your pouting from over here,” she still doesn’t look up from her book, though Carlos knows she’s not reading. Mal is trying to pretend her attention isn’t on him. Her eyes aren’t moving from the one spot on the page, but Carlos appreciates the gesture. “What did they do?”

“He asked me about school a little bit, then tourney. Other extra curriculars. The Isle. Dude.” The dog perks up at his name and Carlos scratches behind his ears. He settles against the chair at Evie’s desk where he has laid out his own notebook.

“What makes that bad?”

“They were hiding something.”

“What were they hiding?” Mal’s voice is entirely uninterested but she continues when Carlos doesn’t answer. “If you didn’t know, you would be freaking out. You have some sort of clue to what they’re trying to hide.”

This is why Mal is in charge. She’s logical and upfront, she does not pretend to be dumb and she asks straight-forward questions.

Still, Carlos fiddles with Dude’s collar before answering. “They think I have something called autism.”

Mal snickers and doesn’t bother hiding it. “Duh. I could have told you that.”

“You know what it is?”

“Yes, and I know you do too.”

Carlos shakes his head. “That was not my point. How do you know what it is?”

“You’re clearly abnormal, even for Isle standards,” she says as a fact, not an insult. Mal shuffles under his bed before tossing a book at Carlos. “I wanted to know why.”

Something twinges in his chest, the same way when Dude licked him for the first time or when Evie asks to hold his hand.

The book is a paperback, the title has something to do with disorders, but Carlos flips to the page that is marked. Words like repetitive behaviors and social impairment are highlighted in purple (of course), along with an entire paragraph discussing the benefits of interacting with animals.

“I’m the leader, I take charge for the group.” Mal explains even though he doesn’t ask. “If you’re different, I need to know what I need to do to work with that.”

“You mean you need to know how to compensate for what I am incapable of doing.”

“Not what I said,” Mal snaps because she knows he can handle her frustration. “When I made you throw that howler at your house, you ran away with Evie, the night you put the whole in the barrier. At first, I thought it was because maybe you had a crush on her, but it was because you were overstimulated, right?”  She glances at him from the corner of her eye. “Too much noise, too many people, you had to leave.”

Carlos nods.

“I need to know shit like that in case it happens again. I need to know to get you out of the commotion so you can chill.”

“I can handle myself.”

Mal snickers again. “No kidding. You survived Cruella de Vil, you could survive the end of the world. But you don’t have to do it on your own. Even if you could.”

His chest twinges again. “I was always paranoid,” Carlos admits, running his hands through Dude’s fur, “that I was crazy like her. I thought I would lose my mind as I got older and thought everything I did were just early signs.” He smiles. “But I’m not crazy. I am…autistic.” The word still feels weird on his tongue, but he should probably get use to it.

“No one ever thought you were crazy. At least, I didn’t.”

“Just abnormal?”

Mal laughs. “Yeah, just abnormal.”

“They want me to take different classes. Advanced classes.”

“We both know you will succeed in them. They’re probably better for you too.”

Carlos hesitates before pushing himself out of Evie’s chair, moving toward Mal’s bed. He sits on the edge, not touching Mal, but he could if he reached out for her. “I’ll be separated from you guys.”

She nods. “You will survive that too.”

Which is true, Carlos made it through the Isle on his own for fourteen years before meeting Evie and becoming friends with Mal and Jay. He will make it through some hour-long classes without them.

A movement catches his eye. Mal has placed her hand, palm up, toward him. Carlos accepts the gesture, places his own in it, but does not lock their fingers.

“You’re still Carlos,” she murmurs, thumb stroking the back of his hand. “Not Autistic Carlos, not Carlos in Special Classes, not Abnormal Carlos. Just Carlos. Our Carlos. 

It’s some sort of special privilege to be Mal’s, to belong to her just as much as he does to Evie and Jay. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything in Auradon, but it means something to him.

“This doesn’t change anything.” Mal squeezes his hand lightly. “Whatever comes, whatever they say, we’ll deal with it together.” And Carlos knows that’s the truth because Mal doesn’t bullshit like Fairy Godmother and psychologists. She is genuine.

And that’s all he really needs right now.

So this is the first time I really tried to write Carlos with some autistic tendencies and I think it came out well, but if anyone disagrees, please tell me.

I really wish we were able to see more of the friendship between he and Mal or even he and Evie. Platonic heterosexual relationships melt my heart.

I hope you enjoyed this and I encourage everyone to send me more prompts!

flatsound sentence starters
  • "Tonight I walked through a field that used to scare me more than I scared myself."
  • "I wish I had known you then."
  • "It was never death that interested me; it was the idea of an opportunity to follow a cold breeze that promised to take me anywhere but here."
  • "I’m sorry you thought this couldn’t work, because I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life than to prove that it could."
  • "You were not my world, you were my universe."
  • "And I wonder if that’s what it feels like to die."
  • "Why do I wait, wondering how long it’ll take you to admit it?"
  • "I’d rather keep my mouth shut then start to say what I can’t finish."
  • "I sit here wondering if anything you said was true."
  • "We both noticed something had changed."
  • "I called you up again today and you didn't pick up."
  • "I didn't expect it to happen this quickly, you know?"
  • "I sit here and I worry about myself so much."
  • "I wanted you to care, I wanted you to be nosy, I wanted you to be there."
  • "I know it's stupid of me to say that you don't care, I mean, of course you do, but I want you to care so much more."
  • "I can't be around all these people who all my life have tried to change me."
  • "I can't hide who I am."
  • "I will be happy for the first time in my whole life."
  • "It makes me feel good, makes me feel pretty."
  • "I will go to sleep; just know you’ll be in my dreams."
  • "If I cry, it won’t be because of you."
  • "You don’t have to wait or pretend that he’s just your friend."
  • "It scares me more than I'd like to admit."
  • "My only problem lately is I've got too much time so all I'm left with is that what's on my mind."
  • "I left out everyone and all I have at the end of the day is that what's on my mind."
  • "Say I came back today, would I have a spot in your heart?"
  • "I cheated with your ex best friend."
  • "You can't stand in my doorway for long."
  • "It's eleven o'clock, he's expecting you home."
  • "I'll walk you up the hill to your car."
  • "No, don't let go, don't let this die."
  • "I just need to know what I did to ruin this and turn your body cold."
  • "If you walk through that door there will be no us."
  • "I thought you were being distant."
  • "I did not mean to make this the worst night of your life."
  • "I need you to know what happened."
  • "I saw you walking by, you didn't say hi, you didn't even smile."
  • "You're not the only one who's feeling anxious toward the bullshit that's attached to growin' up."
  • "You said things would stay the same; well, have they?"
  • "I know you're scared, but you'll never get better if you keep running away."
  • "Sometimes you need to be self centered to understand yourself better."
  • "I'm not in the mood to stick around."
  • "Every day I think about you and why you had to turn into my enemy, when all I need's my friend."
  • "Look at me and see how much I've changed since you left."
  • "Well, is this what you wanted, for me to admit that this fucking hurts?"
  • "I was never good at talking smoothly."
  • "Now I don't remember how you speak; I mean, it comes to me in dreams, but by morning, I lose everything you ever said."
  • "I'm not perfect, I think I'm quite the opposite, I'm nothing to adore."
  • "Perfection is opinion and nothing more."
  • "I'll be here waiting when your plane lands."
  • "Hi, my name is none of your concern."
  • "I like the way you make me feel at home."
  • "It wasn’t a mistake - so please dont think it was."
  • "I didn’t have a lot to drink, I just needed a bit for confidence."
  • "They won't find out, no one cares enough about it to run their mouths."
  • "Just please, when you’re ready to go, try not to make it so painful."
  • "Will you write another sad, sad song?"
  • "It's obnoxious and it's useless to fight a war you're losing."
  • "This might be your only chance."
  • "Is it you who calls the shots?"
  • "I don't know why they're choosing to confide in someone who will talk about anything."
  • "There are people who miss me and I don't know why they're investing all their time into someone with my history."
  • "Why did you say that I was one in a million? Because I believed it."
  • "I thought I had something that you were too scared to lose."
  • "I also saw how often you say goodbye."
  • "Things were never supposed to be this good."
  • "Nothing I can say now would justify a thing, just know I'm sorry."
  • "I just wanted to say I hope you're okay."
  • "You're already hurt, I'm scared that if you put your trust in me, I'll make it worse."
  • "You're still so young, you have room to grow into something amazing."
  • "You won't remember who I am."
  • "I can't live with the chance that this feeling's ever coming back."
  • "I don't hate you, but honey, this still hurts."
  • "I'm not dumb, I know everything."
  • "That liquid he consumes makes him speak the truth."
  • "Look at me, because I exist."
  • "It's a shame that we're not soulmates because if I didn't know better, I'd say this feels pretty good."
  • "You've been gone for too long, why'd you go?"
  • "Is this what you think it means to be responsible?"
  • "I went to class, you didn't show up."
  • "I thought we said that we'd keep in touch."
  • "So live up to the name you’ve been making for yourself."
  • "Last night you had that dream again, the one where you try and run from your fears but you can’t because you’re wearing fabulous stilettos."
  • "If I were the sun, I'd shine my light on you and leave the people that hurt you cold."
  • "We’re fighting again, more than usual."
  • "I’m sorry about being me."
  • "I'll sleep on the couch."
  • "Bring me a cat to be my best friend."
  • "It isn’t like you ever said that you were committed to the thought of me and only me."
  • "I can’t believe I spent all morning trying to tell you I’m sorry about yesterday."
  • "You smell like the devil but you feel like the lord."
  • "I didn’t dodge all your bullets, I just denied that they hit me."
  • "If I told you I loved you would you reach out and touch me?"
  • "I wish we had just gone to bed."
  • "This could have worked."
  • "The best part of that whole song was skipping ahead to Nicki Minaj."
  • "I will not make the same mistake twice."
  • "I know you never really liked people, I didn't mean to make that worse."
  • "I still know the roads that take me to your street."
  • "I know I promised that we'd talk more it's just, I'm surprised you even want to talk at all."
  • "I'm so scared that you still think I'm the one who gave up."
  • "The plans we made were never mistakes, they just didn't work for us."
  • "You always knew the deal that we made and what this was worth."
  • "I'll go to sleep at a decent time when I find something worth waking up for."
  • "I keep checking my phone to see you haven’t called at all."
  • "I thought I was the best part of your life, now I’m pretty sure that I was wrong."
  • "You’re impossible to read so if you love me, come clean."
  • "I’ll refer to you as my special love, the one that set me free."
  • "I’m feeling lost in towns that were my home."
  • "It's my own body, I did what I wanted."
  • "It’s not that I don’t have words to say, I just don’t want to be the one that speaks them."
  • "Your only flaw is that you’re flawless.”
  • "I’m so full of shit, I’m surprised you bought it."
  • "Well congratulations, I didn’t know you two had made things so official."
  • "Don’t call me when it fizzles; in fact, don’t call me at all."
  • "What a beautiful sight to see you alive."
  • "I can't hold you responsible anymore."
  • "I'm lost now in the thrill of it."
  • "I just want to lay in bed with you."
  • "I'll throw everything I have into the flames just to make it last."
  • "There are reasons that I can't stay."
  • "I built my life around watching everything you do."
  • "I wonder if you're having fun."
  • "You said you were done; well, how done?"
  • "I want to believe that I really don't need him."
  • "I can't wait until I see your face and my brain feels nothing."
  • "I would never want you to stop your life."
  • "You were always a shitty friend."
Mean Girls Starters
  • ❝If you're from Africa, why are you white?❞
  • ❝Oh my God, [name], you can't just ask people why they're white.❞
  • ❝Boo, you whore!❞
  • ❝Nice wig, [name]. What's it made of?❞
  • ❝Your Mom's chest hair!❞
  • ❝On Wednesdays we wear pink!❞
  • ❝Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining [name]'s life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.❞
  • ❝Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're plastic. Cold, shiny, hard plastic.❞
  • ❝You know what! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something!❞
  • ❝See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody HATES you! Like, [name], for example, he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with [name], [name]? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize.❞
  • ❝And I want my pink shirt back! I want my pink shirt back!❞
  • ❝That is so fetch!❞
  • ❝Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!❞
  • ❝God! I am so sorry [name]. Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big lesbian crush on you! Suck on that! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!❞
  • ❝[Name], I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles. And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.❞
  • ❝And none for [name], bye!❞
  • ❝Get in loser, we're going shopping.❞
  • ❝Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.❞
  • ❝I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...❞
  • ❝She doesn't even go here!❞
  • ❝Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Regina George?❞
  • ❝I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.❞
  • ❝I hear she does car commercials... in Japan.❞
  • ❝Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.❞
  • ❝One time she met John Stamos on a plane... And he told her she was pretty.❞
  • ❝One time she punched me in the face... it was awesome.❞
  • ❝Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?❞
  • ❝Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.❞
  • ❝Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!❞
  • ❝[Name] had cracked.❞
  • ❝Hell, no. I did *not* leave the South Side for this!❞
  • ❝Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin, 'cause I use super-jumbo tampons, but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina!❞
  • ❝There's a 30% chance that it's already raining!❞
  • ❝I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular.❞
  • ❝I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him.❞
  • ❝Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to taco bell?❞
  • ❝I can't go to taco bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. GOD [name] you're so stupid!❞
  • ❝It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.❞
  • ❝That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.❞
  • ❝She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Streudels.❞
  • ❝That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.❞
  • ❝She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.❞
  • ❝And they have this book, this burn book, where they write mean things about all the girls in our grade.❞
  • ❝Oh my God - Danny DeVito! I love your work!❞
  • ❝At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia... and die.❞
  • ❝Is butter a carb?❞
  • ❝You can't sit with us!❞
  • ❝Fine! You can walk home, bitches.❞
  • ❝And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.❞
  • ❝My grandma takes her wig off when she's drunk.❞
  • ❝I love her. She's like a Martian!❞
  • ❝Are they not suppose to be let out when they're grounded?❞
  • ❝She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?❞
  • ❝I like invented her, you know what I mean?❞
  • ❝I just want you to know, if you ever need anything, don't be shy, OK? There are NO rules in the house. I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom.❞
  • ❝Can I get you guys anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know! Oh, God love ya.❞
  • ❝Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.❞
  • ❝Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears.❞
  • ❝Regina George is not sweet! She's a scum-sucking road whore, she ruined my life!❞
  • ❝I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.❞
  • ❝Your face smells like peppermint!❞
  • ❝Oh, you'll get socialized all right, a little slice like you.❞
  • ❝You're a regulation hottie.❞
  • ❝We do not have a clique problem at this school.❞
  • ❝But you do have to watch out for "frenemies".❞
  • ❝I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you won't make fun of her!❞
  • ❝Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.❞
  • ❝I don't hate you cuz yo' fat... yo' fat cuz I hate you!❞
  • ❝You smell like a baby prostitute.❞
  • ❝Is your muffin buttered?❞
  • ❝Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later. She's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?❞
  • ❝Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason.❞
  • ❝Finally, Girl World was at peace.❞
  • ❝Hey, check it out. Junior Plastics.❞
  • ❝Damn, Africa, what happened?❞
  • ❝I saw [name] wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops.❞
  • ❝Oh, hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs?❞
  • ❝Make sure you check out her mom's boob job. They're hard as rocks.❞
  • ❝Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries.❞
  • ❝Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now.❞
  • ❝Can you believe my f-ing mom is here?❞
  • ❝I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.❞
  • ❝I care. Every year the seniors through this dance for the underclassmen called the Spring Fling. And whosoever is elected King and Queen automatically become head of the Student Activities Committee and since I am an active member of the Student Activities Committee, I would safely say, I care.❞
  • ❝Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism.❞
  • ❝Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?❞
  • ❝What are marijuana tablets?❞
  • ❝You cannot do that. That is social suicide. Damn! You are so lucky you have us to guide you.❞
  • ❝Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.❞
  • ❝Everyone in Africa knows Swedish.❞
  • ❝Made out with a hot dog? Oh my God that was one time!❞
  • ❝I know having a boyfriend might seem like the only thing important to you right now, but you don't have to dumb yourself down in order for a guy to like you.❞
  • ❝Come on! We could publish it and then everybody would see what an ax-wound she really is!❞
  • ❝And you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week, so I guess you chose today.❞
  • ❝She's not even that good looking if you really look at her.❞
  • ❝I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs.❞
  • ❝Watch out please! Fresh meat coming through!❞
  • ❝I'd rather see you out there shakin' that thang.❞
  • ❝You can do this. There's nothing to break your focus, because not one of those Marymount boys is cute.❞
  • ❝There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it.❞
  • ❝Well, I mean you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you.❞
  • ❝The limit does not exist!❞
  • ❝I just wanted to say that you're all winners. And that I couldn't be happier the school year is ending.❞
  • ❝It's called the South Beach Fat Flush and all you drink is cranberry juice for 72 hours.❞
  • ❝She's fabulous, but she's evil.❞
  • ❝So, are you gonna send any candy canes?❞
  • ❝No. I don't send them, I just get them. So you better send me one, byotch.❞
  • ❝'Cause she's a life ruiner. She ruins people's lives.❞
  • ❝Oh no, I can't say anything else until I have a parent or lawyer present.❞
  • ❝Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple!❞
  • ❝Oh, no. It was coming up again, word vomit... no, wait a minute... Actual vomit.❞
  • ❝Grool... I meant to say cool and then I started to say great.❞
  • ❝I'm a cool mom! Right Regina?❞
  • ❝Good news, they didn't get run over... Bad news, they're still flat.❞
  • ❝Hey, hey, hey. How are my best girlfriends?❞
  • ❝Oh god, busted! Just start apologizing and crying. No, play it cool.❞
  • ❝I mean no offense, but how could she send you a candy cane? She doesn't even like you that much. Maybe she feels weird around me because I'm the only person who knows about her nose job. Oh my god, pretend you didn't hear that.❞

anonymous asked:

I think I put this prompt somewhere else, but no one used it :( Oh well. So Jack/David. All the Newsies tease them for spending so much time together and make fun of them, basically saying they're in love and stuff. Jack gets really annoyed to the point of kissing David to prove that he does not like David at all in that way and- oh whoops. He liked it. A LOT.

SWEET ANON I’m SO sorry this took so long aghhh. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it!!
Jack grimaced as the bell rang. “Ah, damn.”
Crutchie looked down at the project they’d been working on. “It’s alright, Jack. We can just finish it after school.”
“Nah, I can’t,” Jack sighed. “I’m goin’ to Davey’s place.”
Crutchie smirked. “Ah. Of course.”
Jack frowned at Crutchie as they gathered their stuff. “What’s that supposed to mean, huh?”
Crutchie giggled. “Oh, don’t play dumb with me, Jackie. We'se been friends long enough for me to know when you’ve got a crush.” He sang the last few words, revelling in how Jack blushed as he did so.
“Wha- crush- I- pfft!” Jack sputtered. “Look, you and the other fellas got it all wrong. Just ‘cause I like Davey don’t mean I like like Davey.”
Crutchie rolled his eyes. “So, you just spend every moment you can with him just for fun? You just drape yourself all over him platonically?”
Jack scoffed. “Okay, first of all, I spend time with him because he’s my friend and he’s new here-”
“He’s been here for five months.”
“That’s beside the point,” Jack waved Crutchie off as they turned down the hall. “And secondly, I’m a very tactile person! I mean, I always got my arm around you, it don’t mean I wanna make out with you.”
Crutchie squinted at the older boy. “So, you’re saying that kissing Davey wouldn’t make you happy? At all?”
Jack paused for a moment. “No.”
“You hesitated.”
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
“Did not!”
“Did too!”
“What are you two arguing like five-year-olds over?” Davey appeared next to Jack and Crutchie suddenly.
Jack jumped slightly. “Ah, it’s a, uh, long story.”
Crutchie smirked. “Mhm. Well, I’ll leave you two alone.”
“Okay,” Jack turned to look at Crutchie as the younger boy hobbled away and called, “It’s not like leaving us alone is weird, Crutchie!”
Davey raised an eyebrow. “What was that about?”
Jack shook his head. “Nothin’. The kid’s just got a habit of reading into things way too much.”
With that, Jack swung his arm around Davey’s shoulders and leaned his head in the crook of his neck. “How’s your day been?”
It felt comfortable, listening to Davey tell some story from his first period while feeling his warmth beside him.
But, not in a romantic way.
No, not at all.
Jack closed his eyes and swayed along to the quiet music that played behind him, grinning. He was sitting in between Davey and Crutchie as they played “Truth or Dare.” Davey and Jack’s thighs were touching, and Jack found himself playing with Davey’s hair. It felt good. It felt right.
Jack opened his eyes. “Hm?”
“It’s your turn to ask Davey,” Race said.
“Oh,” Jack glanced over at Davey. “Well, what do ya say, Dave? Truth or dare?”
Davey scrunched up his nose in thought, and Jack smirked. “Um, dare.”
Race gasped. “Davey Jacobs? Doing a dare? You’re a bad influence on him, Jack.”
Jack chuckled. He looked at Davey closely, taking in his sharp blue eyes and the freckles on his face that no one else seemed to notice. A small idea flickered across Jack’s brain. He tried to push it away as soon as it appeared, but he found himself saying, “I dare you to kiss me.”
Jack could hardly believe himself when he repeated it. “You heard me, Jacobs. I dare you to kiss me.”
Davey raised his eyebrow. “Really?”
“No homo, though,” Jack joked, trying to keep his cool. “I’m just tryin’ to prove a point to the other guys. Don’t tell me they haven’t teased you too.”
“Oh no, they have,” Davey said, seeming to relax a bit.
“So, we’re just puttin’ an end to it,” Jack explained, his voice far more calm than his heart. “I mean, I’m straight, anyway. It won’t mean nothing.”
Hesitantly, Davey replied, “Okay, fine.”
The other boys in the room whistled and hooted. “Look at you, Jacky-boy,” Spot chuckled. “Makin’ an excuse to kiss the Mouth. You’ve out-gayed yourself, Kelly.”
“Come on, I’m strai-”
Jack was cut off by Davey suddenly pressing his lips against his.
After a few seconds, Davey pulled away. “Done.”
“Well, how was it?” Romeo asked suggestively.
“Nothin’ special,” Jack declared. “Wouldn’t you say so, Dave?”
Davey nodded. “It was like…a stage-kiss. It didn’t mean anything.”
“See?” Jack smiled. “Davey and I are just friends. End of story.”
“Well, that was fun.” Crutchie remarked as he and Jack walked home.
Jack nodded. “Mhm.”
“You'se been awful quiet, Jackie,” Crutchie frowned. “What’s on your mind?”
Jack shook his head. “Nothin’, nothin’ at all.”
Crutchie gave him a skeptical look. “Fat bet, Kelly. Spill.”
Jack sighed. “Okay, you-you know how, in like, John Green-y novels and stuff, they say that time stops when you kiss someone? It’s-it’s cliché, but that’s what happened. We coulda been kissing for five seconds or five minutes and I wouldn’t have known the difference. It was like a buncha stars lit up around us and there was no one else there but me, Davey and the atmosphere.”
A shocked smile slowly appeared on Crutchie’s face. “Oh my gosh.”
Jack glanced over at Crutchie, his red cheeks visible, even in the dark of the night. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I can’t be straight.”

wanderingroundwonderland  asked:

speaking of frankercy, i want to hear your thoughts on how they'd be as boyfriends like...i can just imagine their first date as something really lowkey and chill but they're both still super nervous. those butterflies never really leave even when they do start dating.

  • they’ve got the funniest relationship dynamic in the world they are such dorks
  • before they start dating they sit like 900 feet apart from each other and jump like they’ve been electrocuted every time they accidentally touch. NERDS.
  • but they’re so SO SO reserved about pda because they just don’t like being public about it and they don’t like to involve anyone else in their personal relationship dynamic
  • frank is so paranoid about being a Good Upstanding Boyfriend that whenever he’s at the jackson house and sits pin straight with his hands folded in his lap and sally’s like, honey, you okay??? percy is on the opposite end of the couch clinging to the armrest like a lifeline.
  • nobody sees their relationship coming. NO ONE. not even piper.
  • it happens a couple years later, they drift apart n all the couples are broken up and the only people who really see each other anymore are piper and percy (they’re roomies. everyone else is running from their problems burying themselves in college or touring the world.)
  • reyna takes a leave of absence for an undetermined period of time to travel the world with calypso.
  • she encourages frank to also take a break and he follows her cue and says, you know what, i think imma reconnect with some old buds. so he makes plans to travel to new york, and stays with piper and percy for the week.
  • it’s like no time has passed at all, in a weird way, even though absolutely everything is different.
  • he goes back to camp jupiter because he’s quite busy with it, but he and percy stay in touch, like a lot.
  • they realize they hardly know each other, they drifted apart and “hey, you’re funnier than i remembered” and “wow i forgot how easy it is to talk to you” but also “man i don’t remember you being so ambitious!” “have your social skills always been this bad?” and they get closer than they’ve ever been
  • piper thinks he has a secret crush on somebody and keeps trying to steal his phone
  • percy feels like a damned teenager, texting late at night and hiding his conversations from everyone. he feels so dumb because why should it matter if piper knows he’s texting frank???? but he wants to keep it to himself, so he does.
  • frank starts making more trips to new york. imagine him meeting percy’s little sister ;-; I’M DEAD
  • they get really super close and Feelings are happening but they’re scared to acknowledge it because like literally……. talk about an unexpected match.
  • piper continues merciless teasing about Mystery Boy
  • and then one day percy is eating cereal and he gets a text that just like makes his whole day and laughs out loud when he reads it and then all of a sudden he drops his phone and is like “FUCK!” and piper’s like? dude what’s up? and he looks at her with this shocked horror on his face and is like, “I really like him.”
  • she’s like…. “duh you like him, haven’t you been listening to me all these months???”
  • percy spontaneously leaves for camp jupiter that day and shows up with no warning at all. and then he stops in the praetor’s room and frank is like !! “what are you doing here?”
  • and percy’s like…. “um? this might be the weirdest thing i’ve ever done and i have no idea what’s going on but…. i think we should go out?”
  • frank is so funny askfja;skdjf;a imagine how confused he must look. “out?????”
  • “like, on a date.”
  • frank blinks a few times and then he’s like. “um. yeah. let’s do it.”
  • IT’S THE WEIRDEST THING EVER THEY BOTH ARE LIKE “WHAT IS GOING ON.” they’re probably in too much shock to be embarrassed or nervous, they’re both unusually calm and comfortable.
  • they feel so mature and like they actually have their lives together it’s the funniest thing ever because they really don’t
  • they do the classic dating thing like first date second date kiss on third date blah blah blah a;sldkfja;lskdjf;askdf it’s so unusually normal and they feel like mortals and it’s so strange and so surreal
  • and then they’re like… boyfriends. it feels like a novelty.
  • but they don’t tell anyone ;alksfl;askjdf;lk
  • percy comes back home and basically feels like he’s been whopped over the head and pretty much wanders around in a daze and piper is like. my god. i can’t take it anymore SPILL!! SPILL THE BEANS !!! WHAT’ S HAPPENING WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE WHO IS !! HE!!
  • reyna gets back with calypso and they also instantly know frank is seeing someone, but he is weaker than percy and gushes like immediately.
  • to be fair percy gushes a lot too he just casually doesn’t mention a name
  • piper is so bitter, like “percy i’ve been waiting 27 years for you to get a boyfriend and this is how you repay me.”
  • frank and percy miss each other a lot because they’re like “okay this is great and all but like this long distance thing is Difficult”
  • so frank makes plans again (reyna is practically kicking him out the door)
  • he takes a plane and percy meets him in the airport they’re so fucking cute i hate them
  • percy calls piper and is like “guess who i’m bringing home”
  • she shrieks over the phone so loud and frank’s like “SHIT ARE WE PREPARED FOR THIS? these rumors are going to spread like wildfire”
  • percy shrugs and smiles and looks at him with those damned Heart Eyes 911 911 i’m o n  th  e f l o o r and kisses him and is like,  “yeah, we’re ready”
  • piper is absolutely beside herself with glee and says “i can’t believe it” like 8000 times
  • they’re such fucking lovebird DORKS around each other too it’s like steven universe sparkle eyes ALL THE DAMN TIME they light up around each other they’re so obviously happy it’s blinding
  • percy introducing frank as his boyfriend to sally and paul ;;;–;;;
  • shaking hands and having dinner with the family as boyfriends i’m like actually dead
  • percy is so nervous he’s SOOO NERVOUS to go visit frank’s grandmother the first time. frank being like, look, chill out, if she doesn’t like you that’s okay, she doesn’t like anyone, including me (he doesn’t really mean it, he’s got a great relationship with her now but that’s not the point)
  • grandma zhang does love percy though she thinks he’s hysterical and he can banter well with her slightly crass style of humor
  • frank is such a Classic Good Boyfriend like he talks business and sports with paul and helps sally cook and wash dishes and percy’s sister adores him n climbs all over him like a jungle gym
  • when they move in together frank does all the cleaning always all the time
  • tthey’re so domestic idk something about them just strikes me as a “honey i’m home!” kind of suburban couple
  • i bet they have designated mealtimes omg
  • it’s so great because percy wants normality so much but he doesn’t have the temperament for that kind of lifestyle but frank makes white picket fences and laundry seem like an adventure can you believe what utter saps they are disgusting
  • imagine them being Juicy Gossip too (hazel sitting at a cafe in barcelona scrolling through instagram and spitting out her coffee and pumping her fist in the air and leaving them both ecstatic voicemails) (annabeth studying her brains out at harvard and she gets a text from malcolm who heard from mitchell who heard from piper and she’s convinced she must have read it wrong beause omg NO WAY) (calypso and reyna giving the whole scoop to leo while he just shakes his head in shock) (jason at college in new rome hearing that apparently frank and percy are a legit thing and dramatically whipping his glasses of his face and leaning forward like “WHAT”)
  • they’re so domestic !! they’re so domestic they wash dishes and cook meals together and fold laundry while watching tv omg omg
  • frank dropping by percy’s classes in new athens with coffee for him
  • it doesn’t make sense for them to live in the mortal world but seriously do yourself a favor and imagine them at block parties and barbeques with their neighbors omiGOD
  • they’re the Husband kind of boyfriends who look like they were born to be married

anonymous asked:

what about mimosa highschool au where samo know each other since forever and everyone thinks they're dating(cause they have might have make out not so platonically) and Mina is the new beautiful girl who they both have a crush on and try to get her attention by doing some really silly things and end with them in petty fights like 'is obvious that she likes me the best' kind of way but in the end Mina just likes them both Don't hold back any nsfw content lol Sorry for my english, love your hcs!

- (i tried not thinking of fool’s gold)
- the first one who caught them platonically making out was, without a doubt, poor jihyo who seems to suffer all the time
- the next was jeongyeon, right behind jihyo
- they really didn’t need to see sana straddling momo on the couch like that, with sana’s hands in momo’s hair and momo’s hands under sana’s shirt, rested on her waist
- jeongyeon just wanted to get her book back from momo
- and jihyo just wanted to remind sana and momo that they’re hanging out at nayeon’s later that night because they tend to forget and they haven’t been picking up their phones
- alas, sana and momo’s platonic make out session was interrupted by jeongyeon’s loud “jesus fucking christ, i thought you two said you weren’t dating!”
- sana pulls away, eyes confused and curious, “we aren’t, though? hey, momo, are we dating?”
- momo shakes her head, eyes innocent and sincere
- and jihyo stays silent as jeongyeon sighs, walking into the club room (they’re in the cheer team’s designated room) “right, i’m going to grab my book and get the fuck out of here.”
- jihyo clears her throat and reminds them anyway as sana climbs off momo’s lap
- there’s a constant rumour of sana and momo dating
- sana and momo come to school together, sit next to each other in the classroom, eat together for lunch and leave school together even if they end at different timings
- they’re also incredibly touchy with each other in ways that people don’t really consider “friendly”
- they hold hands alot, definitely
- sana enjoys giving momo random pecks whereever her lips can reach
- momo does it too, sometimes, when she feels like it
- they’ve learnt to block out the rumours which were ridiculous to them in the first place because “why in the world would i date her?”
- but they still compliment each other every moment they get
- it’s something only the two of them understand
- soon enough mina comes along, and momo’s there when mina tries out for the cheer team, with sana, vice-captain of the cheer team, announcing that mina’s gotten into the squad
- sana and momo are going home together and
- “the mina girl is cute,” momo comments, swinging their arms / “she just transferred, actually. she’s good. must be the ballet experience. and yeah, she’s really cute” / “i like her. how long do you think before i can take her out on a date?” / “before i do? never.” / “i’m pretty sure she’d rather date me than you.” / “she doesn’t even know you! and i’m her vice-captain.” / “she’ll know me soon! everyone knows me, anyway.” / “that’s because you’re the captain of the soccer team, momo” / “exactly! she’ll fall in love with my charms on the field”
- the argument continues like that until they reach sana’s doorstep
- momo gives sana a goodbye peck on the cheek and watches sana walk into the house, nearly shutting the door behind her before she grins, “for the record, moguri, i have her number. that’s one point for me.”
- and sana’s door is already shut when momo yells, “that’s unfair! you’re her vice-captain, of course you’d have her number!”
- and that’s how it all begins
- momo finds out that mina is in the same class as jihyo and so she takes it upon herself to visit jihyo’s class while sana’s busy doing something else
- she walks to jihyo who is conveniently, mina’s tablemate and goes “hey jihyo! oh, who are you? i’ve never seen you around before”
- jihyo just raises an eyebrow, knowing that momo saw her at the audition yesterday, and is about to speak when mina answers a little sheepishly, “i’m mina, i just transferred”
- momo’s “oh” is less than convincing, but mina seems to buy it, or she’s just distracted by the way momo displays her signature charming smile, saying, “i’m hirai momo. captain of the soccer team and jihyo’s friend. nice to meet you.”
- mina’s about to reply when there’s a screech of “HIRAI MOMO” and everyone halts to see sana storming into the classroom, looking angrier than she’s ever looked before
- she’s about to grab momo by her collar when she sees mina staring at her, and her resolve drops, smiling and chirping a, “hey, mina! i didn’t know you were in the same class as jihyo”
- “yeah, i am,” mina answers, and momo thanks the heavens that mina was there
- “i didn’t know you knew momo either,” sana says with a smile, hitting momo on her back, where mina can’t see and eliciting a soft wince from momo
- “oh, we just met, actually. you know momo?”
- “a lot of people think they’re dating,” jihyo chimes in
- “really, jihyo?” momo frowns, “that’s the first thing you say since i got here?”
- “so you’re not dating?” mina raises an eyebrow
- “me? date her? no thanks” is their simultaneous answer
- jihyo leans over to mina to whisper, “you’ll see why during lunch”
- surprisingly enough, during lunch, sana and momo are only all over each other before mina arrives at the table, at which they immediately separate and pay attention to mina instead
- sana is being her usual, flirty self to try to get mina’s attention
- but momo steals her spotlight occassionally by doing something dumb
- like dip her fries into her drink instead of the mayonnaise
- and she continues doing it while murmuring, “the fries taste weird”
- and sana responds with a groan of “momo, you idiot, you’re dipping it into your soda” as mina chuckles
- “oh.” / “yeah, oh. stop it. you’ll get a stomach ache.” / “but don’t they mix in your stomach anyway?” / “momo… it doesn’t mean you should still do it?” / “but don’t they?”
- yeah, momo’s like that
- mina laughs the entire way through
- the others are pleasantly surprised to see sana and momo being occupied by something other than each other
- and so it becomes a routine for them to send mina home together first (mina actually has a driver to pick her up from school, but she cancels it just because sana and momo always seem to be extremely happy to walk her home)
- and they do the same when they go to school
- mina fits right in between the two
- and somehow it’s the perfect match – the three of them
- i love my ot3 :’)

goodbye to safe and sound

@natsumeweek 2017
Day 4; Flowers/Nature

pairing: nishinatsu

title borrowed from youth by troye sivan


Somewhere in the latter half of their third and final year of high school, Natsume comes to a decision.

It’s lunch period, and Satoru is digging through his bag for some change for food from the newly installed vending machine on the first floor when Adachi calls across the room, “Nishimura! Someone’s here to see you!”

The whole class “ooooh”s, and Satoru looks up from his bag to find Natsume lingering in the doorway. He gives up on finding any change and heads for the hall, giving the snickering Adachi a dirty look as he passes him.

“You can just come in next time, you know,” Satoru points out, stretching his arms above his head. “No one cares. Half of those guys were in our class last year.”

“That’s okay,” Natsume says. “I wanted to talk to you alone, anyway.”

Ignoring the automatic way his heart picks up at the implications, Satoru gestures towards the stairs with a flourish. Natsume smiles at him, quietly radiant, and leads the way up to the roof.

“Well, you’ve got me where you want me,” Satoru says, stepping out into the gray afternoon. It isn’t wet yet, but the sky has been threatening rain all day. “What’s up?”

Natsume shuffles for a moment, then visibly squares his shoulders. Brushing some of that long fringe out of his eyes, he meets Satoru’s eyes bravely and says, “I’m going to college.”

Keep reading

it will come back; continued

SUMMARIZED: And tonight we have.. Well, shit hits the fan so rta. And there’s more moments with Mox and Isabelle. Roxy makes an appearance. Lots of things happening, friends. Lots.

[ fanfiction ] [ part I - II - III - IV ]

And now for the tags: @writergrrrl29 I still say this is our story and notjust mine because your insight has been so much more helpful than you have any idea. @panic-angel3314 I love you for letting me burst into your DMS like the Kool aid kid and how we can spend hours discussing our love for this man this story here is about. Your insight has also given me a lot more help than you realize and I love you for it. @theworldiscolorful I aspire to write like your Demon Finn au, okay? And you’re a kind person and I am enjoying getting to know you. @fan-fiction-galore Raini, my heart. My ray of sunshine. Your encouraging words mean the world to me and I love you, becdause you are one of a kind. And the fluff queen. Because yes. Yes. I also want to tag @tvrnbvckle because I’m getting to know you and I love, love, love, love your Baron story Flickers of Gold. I wish I could write intense scenes like you. I am really enjoying our conversations too. And I’d also like to tag @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @xfirespritex @sweetmoxleygal, @thirstiswet @calwitch

Originally posted by wweconfidential

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anonymous asked:

If you want, could you write something with nurseydex where no one finds out they're dating until after they've already broken up or had a major fight?

“Will, I love you, but I really don’t like you right now,” Nursey says calmly.

“Derek, please,” Dex starts, but Nursey clearly doesn’t want to hear it.

“No, if I stay here right now I’m going to start a fight, and one of us will end up saying something we can’t take back, so I’m going to go. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” Dex sighs, slumping back down into his desk chair. Dex swallows hard against the lump in his throat as he watches Nursey walk out.

He spends a couple seconds sitting silently in his room, but it feels so empty – he can’t remember the last time he was here without Nursey for more than a few minutes. He decides that maybe a walk will clear his head, but after a couple minutes he realizes he started walking to the Haus on autopilot. One of Bitty’s pies sounds really good right now, though, so he just heads over.

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anonymous asked:

halloween related prompt! one of the kids is trans (whoever you like) and their parent(s) have/has gotten them a halloween costume that doesn't really match their identity, so they're upset about that, but then all the other kids and sportacus and maybe robbie help them make a halloween costume that they'll like better!

I made up the game referenced here so just use your imagination as to what it’s about.  

Idk if this needs a warning but it’s worth mentioning that gender dysphoria is spoken of here. 

Trix had been stomping back and forth in Stephanie’s living room for almost 20 minutes before he let out a wordless growl and flopped next to Stephanie on the couch. Stephanie held out a mug of tea. He took the mug and sipped it, scowling deeply.

“Is it your parents again?” Stephanie asked. Usually when the 15 year old knocked on Stephanie’s door late at night in a rage, it had to do with his parents.

“Dad bought me a dress so I can be “Princess Marina” for Halloween.”

Stephanie blinked, confused, “But you like Princess Marina. The Plank games are you favorite.”

“Yeah but I don’t want to be her!” Trix thunked his mug on the side table and glared at Stephanie, “Dad still hasn’t accepted me. It’s been three years since I came out and he still tries to put me in dresses! And my step mom is no help at all.”

“It’s Halloween, Trix!” Stephanie said, “People dress up as things they aren’t! Robbie does it all the time anyway. What’s wrong with being Princess Marina for Halloween?” Trix stood and marched towards to the door. Stephanie jumped up and grabbed his wrist. She planted her feet so he couldn’t struggle away. “Don’t just leave. Make me understand, Trix! Talk to me!”

“You don’t get it!”

“You’re my best friend, I want to get it!”

“I— it’s hard to— I’m not there yet, alright?!” Trix finally shouted. Stephanie didn’t let him go but she did loosen her grip a bit. Trix turned and Stephanie saw tears in his eyes. “I can’t see myself in dresses. It— it freaks me out. I know people can be whatever on Halloween but I can’t dress up all feminine. I’m not… comfortable yet.”   

Slowly, Stephanie pulled at Trix until they were both sitting back on the couch. “Okay,” She said slowly. Trix ran a hand down his face. “Okay… I think I see what you’re saying.” Stephanie squeezed Trix’s hand. “I didn’t mean to make you mad. But you can’t solve problems by running away.”

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just so hard to explain how I feel sometimes,” Trix sighed and slumped in his seat, “And sometimes it sounds dumb out loud and I wonder if I’m just being stupid.”

“Your feelings are never stupid.”

Trix smirked and pulled his hand free to pinch Stephanie lightly on the cheek, “Too good for this world, too pure.” Stephanie giggled and slapped the hand away. At that moment there was a knock at the door. Stephanie went to open it, hoping it wasn’t Trix’s dad just yet.

It was Pixel. And Stingy and Ziggy. Pixel held up measuring tape, “Trix is here, right?”

“Uh, yes?” Stephanie eyed the tape. 

“His dad wants us to help him with his Halloween costume. Robbie and Sportacus have the materials and we just need Trix’s measurements.”

Trix came to stand beside Stephanie, “Materials for what costume?”

“Prince Cole from the Plank games!” Ziggy said, “Your dad said they’re your favorite.”

Trix looked dumbfounded. With a bright smile, Stephanie moved aside to let their friends in. They had work to do. 

  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she means:
  • {Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. {Laughing} Like that's ever gonna happen. {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes} What a load of - Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead The years start comin' and they don't stop comin' Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin' Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey, now You're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire How 'bout yours That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored Hey, now, you're an all-star {Shouting} Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold {Belches} Go! Go! {Record Scratching} Go. Go.Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold -Think it's in there? -All right. Let's get it! -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. {Laughs} -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint. Now, ogres - - They're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. -No! -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! {Gasping} -Right. {Roaring} {Shouting} {Roaring} {Whispers} This is the part where you run away. {Gasping} {Laughs} {Laughing} And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." {Sighs} {Man's voice} All right. This one's full. -Take it away! {Gasps} -Move it along. Come on! Get up! -Next! -Give me that! Your fiying days are over. That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! -Get up! Come on! -Twenty pieces. {Thudding} -Sit down there! -Keep quiet! {Crying} -This cage is too small. -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! -Oh, shut up. -Oh! -Next! -What have you got? -This little wooden puppet. -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. -Father, please! Don't let them do this! -Help me! -Next! What have you got? -Well, I've got a talking donkey. {Grunts} -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. -Oh, go ahead, little fella. -Well? -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - - -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. -Get her out of my sight. -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! {Gasps} -Hey! I can fly! -He can fly! -He can fly! -He can talk! -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Oh-oh. {Grunts} -Seize him! -After him! He's getting away! {Grunts, Gasps} {Man} -Get him! This way! Turn! -You there. Orge! -Aye? -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility. -Oh, really? You and what army? {Gasps, Whimpering} {Chuckles} -Can I say something to you? -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa! -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. -Oh, that's great. Really. -Man, it's good to be free. -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. {Roaring} -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - {Mumbling} Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. -Why are you following me? -I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone There's no one here beside me My promlems have all gone There's no one to deride me But you gotta heve friends - - -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? -Uh - - Really tall? -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? -Nope. -Really? -Really, really. -Oh. -Man, I like you. What's you name? -Uh, Shrek. -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? -That would be my home. -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. -I guess you don't entertain much, do you? -I like my privacy. -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. -Can I stay with you? -Uh, what? -Can I stay with you, please? -Of course! -Really? -No. -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! -Okay! Okay! But one night only. -Ah! Thank you! -What are you - - No! No! -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. -Oh! -Where do, uh, I sleep? -Outside! -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. {Sniffles} -Here I go. -Good night. {Sighs} -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone There's no one here beside me {Bubbling} {Sighs} {Creaking} {Sighs} -I thought I told you to stay outside. -I'm outside. {Clattering} -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? -It's not home, but it'll do just fune. -What a lovely bed. -Got ya. {Sniffs} I found some cheese. -Ow! {Grunts} -Blah! Awful stuff. -Is that you, Gorder? -How did you know? -Enough! What are you doing in my house? {Grunts} -Hey! {Snickers} -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. -Huh? {Gusps} {Male voice} What? -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I have to do get a little privacy? -Aah! -Oh, no. No! No! {Cackling} -What? -Quit it. -Don't push. {Squeaking} {Lows} - What are you doing in my swamp? {Echoing} Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! {Gasping} -Oh, dear! -Whoa! -All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! -Quickly. Come on! -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. -Oh! {Sighs} -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. -Oh, gosh, no one invited us. -What? -We were forced to come here. -By who? -Lord Farquaad. -He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice. {Sighs} -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? {Murmuring} -Oh, I do. I know where he is. -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? -Me! Me! -Anyone? -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! {Sighs} -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! {Cheering} {Twittering} -Oh! You! You're comin' with me. - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. -Hey. Oh, oh! -I can't wait to get on the road again. -What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Can I hum it? -All right, hum it. {Humming} {Grunts} {Whimpering} -That's enough. He's ready to talk. {Coughing} {Laughing} {Clears throat} -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! -You are a monster. -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me!{Grunts} -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll - - -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. -All right then. Who's hiding them? -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? -The muffin man? -The muffin man. -Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin man. -The muffin man? -The muffin man! -She's married to the muffin man. {Door opens} -My lord! We found it. -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. {Man grunting} {Gasping} -Oh! -Magic mirror - - -Don't tell him anything! -No! {Ginerbread man whispers} -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? -Well, technically you're not a king. -Uh, Thelonius. -You were saying? -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. -Go on. {Chuckles} -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! -So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? -Two! Two! -Three! Three! -Two! Two! -Three! -Three? One? {Shudders} Three? --Three! Pick number three, my lord! -Okay, okay, uh, number three! -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. If you like pina coladas And getting caught in the rain -Princess Fiona. If you're not into yoga -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. -I'll do it. -Yes, but after sunset - - -Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. -Uh-huh. That's the place. -Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? {Laughs} {Groans} -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. -Hey, you! {Screams} -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - {Whimpering} {Sighs} {Whimpering, Groans} {Turnstile clatters} {Chuckles} {Sighs} -It's quiet. Too quiet. {Creaking} -Where is everybody? -Hey, look at this! {Clattering, whirring, clicking} Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect ...... place {Camera shutter clicks {Whirring} -Wow! Let's do that again! -No. No. No, no, no! No. {Trumpet fanfare} {Crowd cheering} -Brave knights. -You are the best and brightest in all the land. -Today one of you shall prove himself - - -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. -Sorry about that. {Cheering} -That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. {Cheering} -Let the tournament begin! {Gasps} -Oh! -What is that? {Gasping} -It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named champion! Have it him! -Get him! -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. -Go ahead! Get him! -Can't we just settle this over a pint? -Kill the beast! -No? All right then. Come on! I don't give a damn about my reputation You're living in the past It's a new generation -Damn! {Whinnying} A girl can do what she wants to do And that's what I'm gonna do And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station -Ah! {Laughs} And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun -Yeah! And I don't have to please no one -The chair! Give him the chair! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me {Bell dings} {Cheering} {Laughs} -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! {Shrek laughs} {Crowd gasping, murmuring} -Shall I give the order, sir? -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! -What? -Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. -Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures! {Crowd murmuring} -Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. -Exactly the way it was? -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. -What kind of quest? -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. -Is that about right? -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole orge trip. -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? -Uh, no, not really, no. -For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think. -Example? -Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions. -{Sniffs} They stink? -Yes - - No! -They make you cry? -No! -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. {Sighs} -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. -I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes. -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. -You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh And everything that you receive up yonder Is what you give to me the day I wander I'm on my way I'm on my way I'm on my way -Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's brimstone We must be getting close. -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. {Rumbling} -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. {Laughing} -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers? -Oh, aye. -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. -Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! -Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. -Really? -Really, really. -Okay, that makes me feel so much better. -Just keep moving. And don't look down. -Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. {Gasps} -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! -But you're already halfway. -But I know that half is safe! -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. -Shrek, no! Wait! -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? -Don't do that! -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh, this? -Yes, that! -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. {Screams} -No, Shrek! No! Stop it! -You said do it! I'm doin' it. -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. -Cool. -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. {Chuckles} -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. {Water dripping, wind howling} -You afraid? -No. -But - - - Shh. -Oh, good. Me neither. {Gasps} -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. {Gasps} -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. -What makes you think she'll be there? -I read it in a book once. -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. {Creacing} -I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. -Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - -Dragon! {Screams} {Gasps} {Roars} -Donkey, look out! {Screams} {Whimpering} -Got ya! {Roars} {Gasps} {Shouts} -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! {Screaming} {Gasps} -Oh! Aah! Aah! {Gasping} {Crowls} -No. Oh, no, No! {Screams} -Oh, what large teeth you have. {Crowls} -I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - (Coughs) -I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! {Gasps} {Whimpering} -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! {Groans, Sighs} {Vocalizing} -Oh! Oh! -Wake up! -What? -Are you Princess Fiona? -I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? -Mm-hmm. {Screams, grunts} -But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! -I don't think so. -Can I at least know the name of my champion? -Um, Shrek. -Sir Shrek. {Cleans throat} -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. -Thanks! {Roaring} -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's on my to-do list. Now come on! {Screams} -But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. -Yeah, right before they burst into flame. -That's not the point. Oh! -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. -Well, I have to save my ass. -What kind of knight are you? -One of a kind. -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. {Laughs} -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! {Growls} {Roaring} {Gasps} -Hi, Princess! -It talks! -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. {Screams} {Screaming} -Oh! {Thuds} {Groans} {Roars} {Roaring} -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. {Fchoing} -Run! {Gasping} {Screaming} {Roaring} {Screams} {Roars} {Panting, sighs} {Whimpers} {Roars} -You did it! -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. {Clears throat} -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. -Uh, no. -Why not? -I have helmet hair. -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. -But how will you kiss me? -What? That wasn't in the job description. -Maybe it's a perk. -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Well, yes. {Laughing} -You think Shrek is your true love! -What is so funny? -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay? -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take ot off. -No! -Now! -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. -You- - You're a- - an orge. -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an orge. {Sighs} -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. -Then why didn't he come rescue me? -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - his pet. -So much for noble steed. -You're not making my job any easier. -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? -I'm right behind ya. -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what happens when you find your - - Hey! {Sighs} -The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? -Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. {Laughs} -I don't know. There are those who think little of him. -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. -Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. -I need to find somewhere to camp now! {Birds wings fluttering} {Grunting} -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. -No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. -Homey touches? Like what? {Crashing} -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. -I said good night! -Shrek, What are you doing? {Laughs} -I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. {Fire cracking} -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. -Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. -I know you're making this up. -No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. -That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. {Sighs} -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? -Our swamp? -You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my land. -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. -No, do ya think? -Are you hidin' something? -Never mind, Donkey. -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Why are you blocking? -I'm not blocking. -Oh, yes, you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who you trying to keep out? -Everyone! Okay? -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. -Oh! For the love of Pete! -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly orge. -Yeah, I know. -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? -That's the moon. -Oh, okay. {Orchestra} {Dulcimer} -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. -Hmph. -Ah. Perfect. {Inhales} {Snoring} {Vocalizing} {Whistling} {Sizzling} {Sniffs, yawns} -Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. --Come on, baby. I said I like it. -Donkey, wake up. -Huh? What? -Wake up. -What? -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? -Good morning, Princess! -What's all this about? -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. -Uh, thanks. {Sniffs} -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. {Belches} -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs} -Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. {Belches} -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected. -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. {Vocalizing} -La liberte! Hey! -Princess! {Laughs} -What are you doing? -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green - - {Kissing sounds} -beast. -Hey! -That's my princess! Go find you own! -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? -Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! -Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry Men. {Laughs} {Accordion} Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. I steal from the rich and give to the needy. He takes a wee percentage, But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good What a guy, Monsieur Hood Break it down I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid What he's basically saying is he likes to get - - Paid So When an orge in the bush grabs a lady by the tush That's bad That's bad When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad He's mad He's really, really mad I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start {Grunts, Groans} {Karate Yell} {Merry Men Gasping} {Panting} -Man, that was annoying! -Oh, you little- - {Karate Yell} {Accordion} {Shouting, groaning} {Chuckles} -Uh, shall we? -Hold the phone. {Grunts} Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? -What? -That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? -Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt! -What? Oh, would you look at that? -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. -Donkey, I'm okay. -You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -{Both} Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of Donkey. -Ah. -Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. -No, it's tender. -Now, hold on. -What you're doing is the opposite of help. -Don't move. -Look, time out. -Would you - - {Grunts} -Okay. What do you propose we do? -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. -Ow! -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! -Ow! Not good. -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. {Grunts} -It's just about - - -Ow! Ohh! -Ahem. -Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - Ugh! -Ow! -Hey, what's that? {Nervous chickle} -That's- - Is that blood? {Sighs} {Bird chirping} {Grunts} My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Gets us through all kinds of weather -Aah! She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean {Croaks} Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh -Hey! La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la {Both laughing} La-la, la-la, la-la -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. -That's DuLoc? -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow! -Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. {Blubbering} -What? -I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead. -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, {Bones crunch} -Ow! See? -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? -Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style. -No kidding. Well, this is delicious. -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. {Chuckling} {Sighs} -I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. {Gulps} -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. {Chuckles} -I'd like that. {Slurps, laughs} See the pyramids along the Nile -Um, Princess? Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle -Yes, Shrek? -I, um, I was wondering. Just remember, darling all the while -Are you- - You belong to me {Sighs} -Are you gonna eat that? {Chuckles} -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. -Sunset? -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. {Shrek sighs} -Good night. -Good night. {Door creaks} -Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. -Oh, what are you talkin' about? -I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - -An orge? -Yeah. An orge. -Hey, where you goin'? -To get... move firewood. {Sighs} -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? {Wings fluttering} -Princess? {Creaking} {Gasps} -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. {Screams} -Aah! -Oh, no! -No, help! -Shh! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -No, it's okay. It's okay. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, I'm the princess. -Aah! -It's me, in this body. -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me? -Donkey! -Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! -No! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -Shh. -Shrek! -This is me. {Muffled mumbling} -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. -I'm ugly, okay? -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - -No. -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. -It's only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's a spell. {Sighs} -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. {Sobs} -All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? -I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. -But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. -Shrek? -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh - - {Sighs} -I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. -I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. {Gasps} -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. {Deep sigh} -Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? -Promise you won't tell. Promise! -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. -Look at my eye twitchin'. {Door opens} {Snoring} -I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - {Snoring} -Shrek. Are you all right? -Perfect! Never been better. -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. -You heard what I said? -Every word. -I thought you'd understand. -Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" -But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah? Well, it does. {Gasps, sighs} -Ah, right on time. {Horse whinnies} -Princess, I've brought you a little something. {Fanfare} {Yawns} -What'd I miss? What'd I miss? {Muffled} -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. -Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. -Take it and go before I change my mind. -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. {Snaps fingers} -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell. -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the orge. It's not like it has feelings. -No, you're right. It doesn't. -Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. {Gasps} -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! -Fare-thee-well, orge. -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. -Yeah? So what? -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But I thought - - -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong! -Shrek. I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do ya It goes like this the fourth, the fifth The minor fall the major lift The baffled king composing hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Baby, I've been here before I know this room I've walked this floor I used to live alone before I knew you I've seen your flag on the marble arch But love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah And all I ever learned from love Is how to shoot at someone Who outdrew you {Moaning} And it's not a cry you can hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah {Moaning} Hallelujah, hallelujah {Thumping sound} -Donkey? {Grunts} -What are you doing? -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. -Oh! Your half. Hmm. -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. -Back off! -No, you back off. -This is my swamp! -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go. -Stubborn jackass! -Smelly orge. -Fine! -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. -Well, I'm through with you. -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. -Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! -Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away! -There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? -Donkey! -No! -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? {Sighs} -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's what friends are for, right? -Right. Friends? -Friends. -So, um, what did Fiona say about me? -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? -The wedding! We'll never make it in time. -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. {Whistles} -Donkey? -I guess it's just my animal magnetism. {Laughing} -Aw, come here, you. -All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. -Whoo! {Bells tolling} {All gasping} -People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union.... -Um- -of our new king - - -Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? {Chuckling} -Go on. -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" -I don't have time for this! -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You wanna hold her? -Yes. -Please her? -Yes! -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic crap! -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? -We gotta check it out. -And so, by the power vested in me, -What do you see? -The whole town's in there. -I now pronounce you husband and wife, -They're at the altar. -king and queen. -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. -Oh, for the love of Pete! {Grunts} -I object! -Shrek? {Gasps} -Oh, now what does he want? -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding - - -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - -But you can't marry him. -And why not? -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -And what do you know about true love? -Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - -Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. {Crowd laughting} -An orge and a princess! -Shrek, is this true? -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm! -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. {Whimpers} {Crown gasping} -Well, uh, that explains a lot. -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! -No, no! -Shrek! -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? -No, let go of me! Shrek! -No! -Don't just stand there, you morons. -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! -I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! -You'll beg for death to save you! -No, Shrek! -And as for you, my wife, -Fiona! -I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! -I'm king! {Whistles} -I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah! -Aah! -All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. {Roars} -I'm a donkey on the edge! {Belches} -Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? {Cheering} -Go ahead, Shrek. -Uh, Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? -I - - I love you. -Really? -Really, really. - I love you too. -Aawww! -"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form." -"Take love's true form. Take love's true form." -Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? -Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. -But you ARE beautiful. {Chuckles} -I was hoping this would be a happy ending. I thought love was only true in fairy tales Oy! Meant for someone else but not for me Love was out to get me That's the way it seemed Disappointment haunted all my dreams And then I saw her face Now I'm a believer and not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her If I tried -God bless us, every one. Come on, y'all! Then I saw her face Ha-ha Now I'm a believer Listen! Not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried -Ooh! -Uh! Then I saw her face Now I'm a believer Hey! Not a trace Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind -One more time! I'm in love I'm a believer Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey Y'all sing it with me! I Believe I believe People in the back! I believe I'm a believer I believe I believe I believe I believe {Hysterical laughing} -Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. -I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I believe in self-assertion Destiny or a slight diversion Now it seems I've got my head on straight I'm a freak an apparition Seems I've made the right decision To try to turn back now it might be too late Now I want to stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna be a millionaire someday But know what it feels like to give it away Watch me march to the beat of my own drum And it's off to the moon and then back again Same old day Same situation My happiness rears back as if to say I wanna stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home......... I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes My heart skips a beat Girl, I feel so alive Please tell me, baby, if all this is true 'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives When we first met I could hardly believe The things that would happen and we could achieve So let's be together for all of our time Oh, girl, I'm so thankful that you are still mine You always consider me like an ugly duckling And treat me like a Nostradamus was why I had to get my shine on I break a little something to keep my mind on 'Cause you had my mind gone Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh Turn the lights on, Come on, baby Let's just rewind the song 'Cause all I want to do is make the rest years the best years All night long Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh, yeah, yeah I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.............. Everything looks bright Standing in your light Everything feels right What's left is out of sight What's a girl to do I'm telling you You're on my mind I wanna be with you 'Cause when you're standin' next to me It's like wow And all your kisses seem to set me free It's like wow And when we touch it's such a rush I can't get enough It's like- - It's like Ooh-ooh Hey, what It's like wow Ooh-ooh, hey Hey, yeah It's like wow Everything is looking right now, right now It's like wow And I got this feeling This feeling it's just like wow It's just like wow You are all I'm thinking of. Like wow Everything feels right Everything feels right Like wow Everything looks bright All my senses are right Like wow Everything feels right Baby, baby, baby the way I'm feeling you Is like wow There is something that I see In the way you look at me There's a smile There's a truth In your eyes What an unexpected way On this unexpected day Could it be This is where I belong It is you I have loved All long There's no more mystery It is finally clear to me You're the home my heart's searched for So long It is you I have loved All long Whoa, over and over I'm filled with emotion As I look Into your perfect face
I Have To Tell You Something (Olicity, Season 4 fix-it, post 4x08)

I’m choosing to live in a little world of delusion where the second they got home from Central City, after they cleaned up from Savage’s attack and they were laying in bed, wrapped around each other, Oliver whispered,

“I have to tell you something.”

His voice is full of trepidation, worry and concern marring the quiet in the room, but it’s not the only thing: fear. He’s scared, out of his mind; it’s the kind of fear that you feel in your bones, that makes you feel like every single bit of you is being torn apart because what if

What if…

It’s dark, the only light in their room coming from the city outside their window. He feels her stiffen, only slightly, and he knows without a single doubt that she knew something was wrong, the entire time… and that she’d trusted him to tell her.

And he hadn’t.

The fear is a living thing inside him, slowly choking him, squeezing his chest until he can barely breathe…

He almost says, “Nothing.”


He can’t let it control him anymore, he won’t, not his actions or his future. God, for as long as he can remember, he’s lived his life in fear. It’s driven his actions, for years, long before the island, before the Gambit ever went down… and he can’t do it anymore. He finally has someone in his life who knows him, who he can trust with anything and everything, including the kind of man he is, someone he can rely on, someone he can lean on… and he trusts her to keep this secret.

Because there is no other choice to make.

Oliver holds her closer, his eyes slipping shut, steeling himself.

“You’re kinda freaking me out a little bit here,” she whispers, and he takes a shaky breath, knowing she’s trying to make light of it, just a little, because she knows him, she knows he’s struggling… and he loves her all the more for it.

He presses his face into her hair, breathing her in… and starts.

“When we were in Central City, I saw… a woman that I had known a long time, a very long time ago.”

She’s quiet. 

He feels her heartbeat pick up.

“She had a little boy with her,” he continues, his voice cracking, and she stops breathing. “Felicity…

“I have a son.”


Felicity says nothing, for what Oliver quickly starts to consider the longest second of his entire goddamn life - what happens now? What if she’s upset, angry with him, pushes him away for lying to her, for keeping this from her, for trying to keep this from her? And he just did exactly what Samantha asked him not to… what if she finds out, what if tries to keep William from him?

The mere idea of that is enough to take his breath away and he holds onto her a little tighter.


Felicity finally takes in a quick breath and sits up, her movements jerky and uneven as she pushes back, away from him. 

Tears burn his eyes before he can think twice and he moves to follow her, the apologies already on his tongue when she spins around and turns the light on.

Oliver blinks as the sudden light pierces through the darkness and he props himself up on his arm, his other hand still reaching for her, but falling short. 

Felicity grabs her glasses, taking another breath before turning to look at him.

“You have a son,” she repeats slowly.

“Yeah,” he whispers, nodding. He looks up at her where she’s sitting next to him. His elbow starts to hurt from leaning on it but he ignores it.

She’s quiet again, for a long minute, and he can read her like a book - he sees the second she reaches a conclusion, and it sends his heart plummeting.

“And you weren’t going to tell me,” Felicity says, her voice so soft it’s barely audible. She stares at him. “Were you?”

The hurt in her voice is like a knife slicing through him, and he closes his eyes for a second, biting his tongue, before nodding.

“She asked me not to. His mother. Samantha.” Oliver sits up, pushing himself back to sit against the headboard. “Not just you, but everyone. Anyone. She said… she told me… I wouldn’t be able to see William, if I told anyone.”

“Wow,” she says… and then follows it up with a soft, almost reverent, “William.”

Oliver closes his eyes… and waits…

Felicity grabbing his face and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead has them flying open again, finding hers.

“Wow,” is all she can say, and he sees the tears in her eyes… and the hint of a smile on her lips.

All he’s capable of is a nod.

“It seems Central City was pretty busy for you.”

An incredulous laugh slips out of him before he can stop it. “You could say that.” Oliver’s hands come up, cradling her forearms. “Felicity, I’m sorry. You were the first person I thought of, the first person I wanted to tell when I… when it was confirmed.”

“And… it is?” she asked. “Confirmed?”


Felicity nods, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. 

And then she looks at him.

“Tell me about it.”

Oliver stares at her for a beat. “You’re not…”

“Oh no, we’re gonna have words, about some of the choices you made, don’t think you’re getting off that easy, mister.” He gives her a breathy chuckle, or maybe it’s more a sigh of relief than anything. She holds him tighter, her thumbs running over his cheeks. “But you told me…” 

Felicity smiles.

“You told me, Oliver, and now… now I want you to tell me about it. If you want, I mean, I’m not trying to insert myself where I’m not-”

“I want to,” Oliver assures her, sliding his hands down her arms. “I want to.”

And he does.

He tells her everything.

mom-friendtm  asked:

Nvm about that last one, I realized that could get long (maybe I'll write that one) Brian decides to have a drinking competition with Nogla, (bc they're Irish ofc) and he has trouble keeping his liquor down after awhile and Brock takes care of him while he's stupid drunk and miserable

Lightweight - Terrornuckel

The drinking contest was an awful idea, but Brian had agreed to it anyway. Nogla’s home was already a mess as he, Brian, and Brock sat at the kitchen table, a game of cards against humanity already in progress. Brock was visiting his two Irish friends now that Nogla was back home, and the three of them were having a pretty good time just drinking and laughing their asses off at this dumb game.

It wasn’t until Nogla proposed the challenge that there was an issue. His tone of voice was joking, yet cocky too. “I bet I can drink more beers than you, Brian.” He said, looking up from the cards in hand. Each of them were only on their second beer, but Brian’s face was slightly flushed from tipsiness, and that’s how Nogla already knew he was going to win this bet.

“You’re on.” The other Irishman replied, then looked to the man sitting beside him. “You want in on this Brocky?” He inquired, small smile gracing his features.

Brock shook his head, “I’m good. You guys go ahead though.”

It started off subtle as they continued their game of cards, taking few sips here and there. It was no secret that Brian was a lightweight when it came to drinking, and both Moo and Nogla knew that. So why did the man agree to the contest? None of them really knew. All they knew though was that after his third beer, Brian was already drunk off his ass. His cheeks were flushed, his breath reeked, and dear god, he laughed at everything.

“Who do you think will win, Brock?” Nogla inquired through laughter as he eyed Brian. The tall man was tipsy, but nowhere near as drunk as Brian. He found it quite amusing that the man was so drunk already, stuttering, slurring, and nearly falling out of his chair. He definitely didn’t know how to handle his liquor.

Brock hesitated as his dark eyes went back and forth from Brian to Nogla, “Uh…”

“Me!” Brian yelled, causing Brock to laugh. “I’m going to win and make Daithi De Nogla my bitch!”

Nogla laughed, “Are ya?”

“He’s got a pretty convincing argument.” Brock added with a grin.

“Here,” Nogla said, giving Brian another beer. “Have another one.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” Brian plucked the beer from his grip and cracked it open, taking a drink. Both men were on their fifth beer, while Brock had stopped drinking long ago. The oldest man was the smartest, and he knew somebody had to be in their right mind while his friends were drunk off their asses. “Oh Moo Moo.” Brian sighed, grabbing the older man’s face, “Why are you so cute?” He slurred, and Nogla laughed loudly.

Brock blushed furiously and pushed Brian’s large hands from his face, “Brian, are you drunk?” He asked sarcastically.

“I’m not fucking drunk!” The younger man yelled defensively.

“Really?” Nogla questioned.

“Really really.” Brian replied triumphantly. He was sure he would win this little drinking contest, that is, until the waves of nausea hit him like a ton of bricks. “Oh fuck! Yes I am,” He managed to get out before standing up and rushing up the stairs to Nogla’s bathroom. He barely made it, forcing one foot in front of the other, stumbling to the toilet before he could actually let the bile rise up his throat and escape his body.

“Don’t throw up on the floor!” Daithi yelled, continuing to drink his beer.

Moo shook his head and chuckled, “We are awful friends.”

“Oh well.” Nogla shrugged with a smile.

Brock stood up from the table and went upstairs to check on the other Irishman. After all, he felt kind of bad for letting him drink all those beers when he knew already that he was a lightweight drinker. He should have cut him off like he had thought about earlier. Knocking on the door, he leaned against the wall and spoke. “Bri, you alright?” He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t genuinely care about the younger man. He received no answer, only the sounds of Brian vomiting on the other side of the door. “I’m coming in.” He said, before pushing the door open.

Brian’s eyes found him in the doorway and he shooed him away, “Aw, Brock, get outta here… You don’t need to watch me puke.” He managed to get out before his face was back in the toilet, blowing chunks everywhere. In that moment, Moo was thankful that he didn’t have a weak stomach. “Seriously,” The younger man spoke again, this time sitting up against the wall, placing his head in his hands. The room felt like it was spinning.

“Let me help.” Brock insisted as he grabbed a wash cloth from Nogla’s bathroom closet and wet it with cold water. He then joined the younger man on the floor, sitting criss cross beside him, before placing the cold cloth on his forehead, brushing his hair out of the way gently. “Does that feel better?” He murmured.

“Much.” Brian nodded, leaning his head back on the wall. He was sweaty and flushed, and his head was pounding already. He knew he shouldn’t have drank that much. But suddenly, the touch of Brock’s fingers ghosting up and down his back calmed him immensely. His blue eyes found him, and he gave a small grin. “Thank you, Brock.” His head felt like it was swimming in that moment as he watched Brock get up from the floor.

“Let’s get you to bed Mr. I’m Not Drunk.” He joked as he lent his hands to help Brian stand. The younger man merely scoffed and grabbed his hands, enjoying the feeling of them as Moo led him to Nogla’s guest room.

When he was finally all settled in bed with Brock by his side, all he could do was sigh, “You’re pretty good at this, you know?” He managed to get out.

“And you’re pretty stupid.” He laughed in return.