For those sweethearts warning me not to get my hopes up - I really do appreciate the way you’re trying to guard my heart. And I mean that. Tone is hard to convey over the internet and having people care about my emotions is a sweet and precious thing.
When I was younger, I used to make it a point to not get my hopes up. When you’ve got a good imagination and a bit of a wild one, its very hard for life to live up to your expectations and being disappointed hurts. I always tried to regulate my excitement, my pleasure in a future thought, to avoid the disappointment being too great of a drop if it didn’t happen. I was very sensible.
Now? Not so much. If it makes me excited or
happy, I’m going to ride that wave and enjoy the hell out of it. Why?
Because I am tired of not being as happy as I can be, especially if its
my fault I’m that way. I want it full, drain it to the dregs and when I
can be happy, I want to be as happy as I can be. Does life still
disappoint me? Well, yeah. But you know what? Disappointment doesn’t feel
that strong these days. It hits, I absorb the impact - but its not
new. It’s familiar. I know how to accept it these days and then set it
aside gently and I know how to give myself whatever perks I need to get
over the sharpness of it and keep going. And you know what? I was
still happy before, really all the way happy. And I know, from
experience, how quickly I can find happy again if I’m willing to grab it
and squeeze. Life’s emotions have evened out. I’ve run them often
enough to know their feel. And I like embracing the things that make me
happy in the present. I’ve already measured it. I can pay the cost at
the end for the happiness of the now. If it was a permanent injury I’d
be more judicial but this? Thank you for watching out for me and by
all means do what you need to do to keep your own heart safe for hurts
that can still feel sharp. But I’m going with happy on this one. If
I’m wrong, I’m wrong. That’s a small disappointment and easily set
aside after its hit and I can absorb that. In the meantime, I’m all in for the happy (or at least excitement and pleasure in
looking forward to something I had not been).
You are the
sweet heartedest, most beautiful and gentle handed followers I have ever
had and you make the warmth swell up inside my chest. I adore y’all
for watching out for me. The world is a good good place because you are
in it. Everyone has to guard their hearts in the ways that are best for them. Thanks for watching out for mine.