and i did this now oh my god what

“Bruce...sucks” - Bruce Wayne x Reader

Summary : The women of the League are teasing you about the love bites that litter your body….

I already kinda had the idea of doing a similar story on the women side…So here we go. Last time the guys of the League were mocking Bruce for the scratches on his back (you can read that here), now, it’s Batmom’s turn (though I feel it’s not as funny as the other, I tried something else you know, so that the stories wouldn’t be exactly the same, too similar and shit…erf, whatever, hope it’s kinda ok). Hope you’ll like it (insecuritiesoverloadbutitsok) 

WARNING FOR LANGAGE and slightly NSFW, just slightly. Also, my masterlist : http://ellana-ravenwood.tumblr.com/masterlist

__________________________________________________

It wasn’t really part of your initial plan to shower at the same time than them. Bruce told you about his friends trying to tease him about the nail marks you left on his body after a heated night, and you were afraid that your girl friends would do the same, a bit paranoid about it really…

But then you thought about the fact that usually, women tended to be a bit more mature about that (maybe?), that they would probably behave and ignore the hundreds (literally) love bites on your body. 

Besides, there was only Diana, Zatanna and Dinah, surely, they wouldn’t say anything, after all, they were used to Bruce being affectionate towards you when he thought no one was watching, small love bites wouldn’t shock them or anything. They were your three best friends, they knew how to not intrude too much in your life. They would definitely not talk about the marks your husband left on your body. 

And oh you were so wrong. 

You were in your underwear when you started to notice their smirks, and the way they whispered in each other’s ears while looking at you. No…could it be ?

You turn around, and when Diana’s eyes go wide at the sight of the love bites on your front while Zatanna and Dinah just start laughing stupidly, you know you actually were right to “fear” a reaction from them. You roll your eyes and give them your best “really ?” facial expression before saying :

-Are you guys snickering like idiots because of the love bites ? 

Zatanna answers your question :

-No, we’re snickering like idiots because Bruce…

And then it happens. The worst pun you ever heard in your life (and you were used to Dick and Tim’s nerdy jokes). All three of them yell : 

-SUCKS !

Stun. That’s what you are. Wow. Even worst that the poor attempt from your male friend in the league to embarrass Bruce. An awful pun. 

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Moving House With My Three Cats...
  • Shelves: *are emptied*
  • Cats: ...
  • Giant Heap of Boxes: *materializes in the living room*
  • Cats: ...
  • Toys: *are packed away*
  • Cats: ...
  • The Shoe Rack by the Front Door: *is dismantled*
  • Hobbes the Cat: HO-LEE F*CK DUDE WHERE DID THE THING GO THAT ONE THING THERE IS ONLY EMPTY SPACE I DEMAND TO KNOW RIGHT NOW AT 3AM IS IT 3AM YEAH IT'S 3AM WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED TO THE THING THAT WAS HERE OH MY F*CKING GOD I AM FREAKING OUT WAS IT EVEN REAL WAS IT EVER REAL ARE ANY OF US REAL IS IT SPUTNIK MAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

stop beating yourself up about ‘embarrassing’ stuff you did as a kid its not healthy to be like twenty something and being like “i want to punch my kid self in the face” i hate that post going round right now thats like a thirty yr old wanting to punch their fifteen year old self like unless you were actually a really shitty person as a teenager fucking lay off yourself oh my god what was the really awful thing you did??? got too into Home/stuck??? thats literally fine like just give yourself a break!!! let kid you be a kid and stop trying to hold them to the standards of behaviour you would an adult!!! no one knows jack fucking shit when theyre a kid thats the whole point. god. 

Futaba becomes a Phantom Thief
  • Futaba: what's​ this eyeball app doing here
  • Shadow Futaba: sup bitch
  • Futaba: oh my god
  • Shadow Futaba: you didn't kill your mom
  • Futaba: yes I did
  • Shadow Futaba: no you didn't
  • Futaba: holy shit I didn't
  • Necronomicon: hell yeah I exist now
2

My heart is pierced by Cupid;

I disdain all glittering gold.

There is nothing can console me

But my jolly sailor bold.
___

I’m trying to fight my art block and I received some lovely suggestions I’m going to draw.

Mer!Hanzo and Pirate!McCree was one of these.
@rebeza and @finchworks are my inspirations and I look up to their designs and AUs ‘cause wow.

Have you ever seen a prettier Hanzo?

2

@klanceweek Day 3: Scars

“The bombs are in place,” Keith says, swinging his leg over his hoverbike and starting the engines.  He speeds away into the desert, grateful that his oversized green jacket blocks most of the wind.  “I’ll let you know when I’m in the clear.”

“Got it.”  Pidge grumbles some profanities under her breath.  “Almost done hacking into the security feed, so Hunk and I should have a clear visual in under a minute.”

“Man, the Garrison sure is worked up over this.” Hunk’s anxiety is clear even through the comms. “What do you think is in there?  Do you think it’s an alien? Oh God – what if it’s an angry alien trying to kill us all.”

“Don’t need to worry about it just yet,” Keith says tersely.  “We’ll find out soon.”

Pidge makes a triumphant noise. “More like we’re gonna find out now. Bringing up the camera fe –”  She inhales sharply and Hunk gasps at almost the same time.  “Holy shit.”

“What’s wrong?”  Keith grips the handles tighter, heart hammering behind his ribs.  “What did you see?”

“It’s Lance.”

Short thing for my Champion Lance AU because the prompt was perfect.  Just redrew some screencaps this time because I didn’t want to spend too long on it ahaha, I’ve got a lot of drawing to do this weekend…

7 times Victor Nikiforov was extremely gay for his fiance and it showed on his face

7. The “my boyfriend just made puppy eyes at me so I decided to give him my soul, my body, and the whole world” look.

6. The “this boy is so cute and perfect I want to squeeze his cute little body and kiss his face but since I can’t kiss his face I’m going to settle with squeezing his perfect body everytime I get while I scream internally” look.

5. The “ZOMFG DID HE JUST BLEW A KISS AT ME?? DID YOU SEE THAT??? OMG I THINK I JUST DIED A LITTLE” look.

4. The “I’m at the point of no return nobody save me i’ll die happily in the arms of this wonderful boy” look. 

3. This one needs a gif. The “somebody hold me right now this boy is too cute for this world too beautiful omg what’s happening what is this feeling inside of me ***It Must Be Love playing in the background***” look. 


2. The “I saw him already this morning we woke up in the same bed and everything but oh my god Yuuri there you are why did you took so long nevermind I’m so glad you are here I’m so happy to see you again run to my arms my beautiful fiance” look. 

1. The “literally dying from proud I am, how much I love this wonderful, perfect boy, how happy I am to see him triumph and how unbelievably lucky I am to be engaged to him” look. 

my mom's comments on every act 2 hamilton song
  • What'd I Miss: oh THIS is Thomas Jefferson!!
  • Cabinet Battle #1: "turn around bend over i'll show you where my shoe fits" still more civilized than the 2016 presidential debates though
  • Take A Break: philip grew up fast
  • Say No To This: how hot was this hamilton anyway (me: what why) a lot of people seem to be in love with him i'm just wondering
  • The Room Where It Happens: this must be your favorite song, because it's about wanting to be included
  • Schuyler Defeated: *hears first four notes* i thought we already heard this song
  • Cabinet Battle #2: i wish all debates were just rap battles
  • Washington on Your Side: the fast talking guy is back
  • One Last Time: did he die
  • I Know Him: is this the king again (me: yes) oh i thought he died or something
  • The Adams Administration: "sit down john you fat motha--" i thought he was friends with john though (me: nope wrong john)
  • We Know: "my god" is it weird that his voice is soothing to me
  • Hurricane: intense
  • The Reynolds Pamphlet: were the hamiltons like the kardashians
  • Burn: this is angelica right (me: no it's eliza) well the hamilton doesn't deserve her
  • Blow Us All Away: "How about when i get back we all strip down to our socks" I DONT LIKE THIS BOY
  • Stay Alive Reprise: oh no.
  • It's Quiet Uptown: i should be crying but it makes me wonder if i would be this sad if you died, and i don't know if i would be, so now i'm just guilty (me: oh my god)
  • The Election of 1800: "can we get back to politics please" i agree
  • Your Obedient Servant: this song is almost as passive aggressive as you are
  • Best of Wives and Best of Women: how did she forgive him
  • The World Was Wide Enough: "the world was wide enough for both hamilton and me" wow
  • Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: if your father cheated on me and then wrote a song about it i probably would not do anything for him again
  • Conclusion: good music but i'm still not buying you tickets
100 Dialogue Prompts
  1. “Where the hell did that baby come from, Marissa?!" 
  2. “Did you destroy the world AGAIN?”
  3. "What do you mean you’re a serial killer?”    
  4. “Listen, you can’t just keep shoving people off the sides of cliffs.”
  5. “Oh my god. I thought you were dead.”
  6. “That wasn’t there before”
  7. “So what now?” “I have no idea, I thought that would kill us”
  8. “I can’t believe you’re married to death, again!”
  9. “Assassination would seem to be a better career, with your skillset.”
  10. “It’s not my fault that the snails committed mutiny!”
  11. “It’s situations like this that make me question why I follow you anywhere.”
  12. “Where did this dog come from?”
  13. “Did you remember to take the skin off?”
  14. “I was going to ask what you’re doing, but at this point, I don’t think I want to know.”
  15. “Why is there a corpse in the bathtub?”
  16. “What in tarnation”
  17. “I love you, I’ll make you love me too”
  18. “This would be a lot easier if you sat still.”
  19. “You see, it all began when it spoke back.”
  20. “This is the pit where we keep the cube that screams.”
  21. “Why did you steal my door?”
  22. “Why didn’t you just listen to me…”
  23. “Hey, you finally made it!”
  24. “Wait, there were only three of them. Why are there now four?”
  25. “How do you ‘accidentally’ hit someone hard enough to rip a hole through time and space?”
  26. “Why is there bloodstains on the floor, honey?”
  27. “… Why are you… eating tacos at 3 AM?” “Why not?”
  28. “Why would you train your gerbil army to take over the world and enslave humanity?!”
  29. “Are toasters supposed to float?”
  30. “Honey, did you eat the dog”
  31. “Hey bro, where’s our sister?” “Um… we don’t have a sister.”
  32. “Wanna help me steal a giraffe?”
  33. “I told you that you would regret it, now we’ve ended up like this.”
  34. “Why are your clothes all wet? Why are you covered in glitter? Why does your sister have wings? Ah- get off the carpet! It’s getting all wet!”
  35. “You’re not actually sure, are you?”
  36. “What do you expect me to do? I’m a magician, not a wizard!”
  37. “Dad? What are you doing here? This is a spaceship.”
  38. “Mom says I can’t burn the city hall with you. She said that we’re going to my aunt that day.”
  39. “You….you just don’t understand..”
  40. “Okay, so. No more caffeine for you, that’s apparent.”
  41. “Where were you last night?”
  42. “Okay but have you seen what my hair does?! I kills people!”
  43. “I don’t think you understand the term 'dead or alive’, because I don’t know if this thing IS dead or alive”
  44. “What do you mean, ‘there wasn’t a murder weapon’?”
  45. “Time flies, but I can fly faster.”
  46. “You just crashed with MY podship into that wall and all you say is »It’s just a scratch«?”
  47. “Now sweetie, don’t get scared when you hear the gunshots, okay? Just don’t come to the house.”
  48. “and… why do you have a gorilla in your room again?”
  49. “Okay, last question: why is there an owl in the fridge?”
  50. “Well shit, you’re hotter than i was expecting.”
  51. “It turns out, space isn’t actually the final frontier”
  52. “If I had hands right now I would choke you.”
  53. “…why did you think it would be a good idea to set that on fire?”
  54. “Close your eyes, sweetie. They can’t get you then.”
  55. “That tiger, that tiger eats humans”
  56. “I swear, if ONE more person comes at me with their hot dog buns–”
  57. “If you would have just kissed them, we wouldn’t be in this mess! Now we’re tied up on traintracks about to be smushed like bugs!”
  58. “Do I want to know why your'e in my apartment wearing only sport shorts which are quite tight?”
  59. “What do you mean that woman wasn’t you?”
  60. “Why is there a dog on the couch?!”
  61. “Stop dude stop, you scared the dogs.”
  62. “What on earth made you think the banana was a good idea?
  63. "Do I want to know whats in the box”
  64. “Wait, no! Please don’t leave me here, it’s getting dark. Have you not heard the stories of the things in these woods?”
  65. “Those were shoes yesterday”
  66. “Can I at least put on my socks first?”
  67. “Why is the Devil in your living room?” “It’s Saturday, Tom. Date night.”
  68. “John, get your damn death ray off of my cat’s bed. You’ve given poor Fluffy radiation poisoning!”
  69. “I get it, you think I don’t care about you. You think I want nothing to do with you… And you’re right.”
  70. “No. Not after last time.”
  71. “What made you think you could survive this?”
  72. “No! I never said you could reenact General Sherman’s Total War tactic from the Civil War! We’re gonna get arrested!”
  73. “Why does our 8 y/o daughter think that THAT werewolf is her pet dog?! He’s been terrorizing our entire town!!”
  74. “Have you even bothered to consider your options before deciding to bungee jump into the Pacific?”
  75. “That is NOT how you bury a dead body, Jared!”
  76. “Do you know where the cat is? I haven’t seen it in two weeks…”
  77. “You did what?!” “It’s not that big of a deal” “You killed a man!”
  78. “But you love me, don’t you? So you’ll forgive me.”
  79. “I don’t care.”
  80. “You’re a fucking asshole, you know that, right?”
  81. “You’d be surprised how flexible a sloth can be.”
  82. “Oh great, the world exploded…. again”
  83. “I dressed up for THIS?”
  84. “Why? And how?”
  85. “Would it hurt you to tell me exactly where we’re going?”
  86. “You can’t take back those words anymore. Or everything else you did.”
  87. “he didn’t do anything I fucking told him to do!”
  88. “When they came, why didn’t you fight?”
  89. “What are you doing here?” “I was about to ask you the same thing…” “Well, it’s called the hanging tree for a reason.”
  90. “__, please come down from the tree, i’ll treat you to pizza.”
  91. “You can… seriously? Oh my gosh, teach me teach me teach me!!”
  92. “I wasn’t aware that 'monster’ was a term of endearment.”
  93. “Yes, I’m sure your flower pot really is trying to kill you, Debra.”
  94. “Why is our child on the roof?”
  95. “Do you want a hug? Will that help?”
  96. “How could you sign us up for this without reading the fine print?! It says right there that we have to give up everything!!!”
  97. “And it’s been stuck in there how long now?”
  98. “I learned I can’t trust you when the world was "fine”, now tell me one reason not to place a bullet between your eyes and listen to you.“
  99. “Why the hell are you naked in my room?”
  100. "Having criminals line up against their will and you killing them is not community service!”

100 prompts. Amazing. Thank you for sharing your ideas and contributing to our community.

Let’s make a new list right now! Leave a reply and don’t forget the double quotes “”! I will use the first 100 prompts for the next list. One prompt per amigo please!

AUs no one asked for
  •  I’m sleeping over at my friend’s flat from university after study group and just got woken up in the middle of the night by their roommate, who is sitting in the kitchen, listening very loudly to the dirty dancing soundtrack and crying. Like wtf, I didn’t even know they had a roommate and normally I would yell at you but damn you are cute. You really need to stop tho dude, its 4am, some people in this house want to sleep AU
  • I am a barista and you are a customer who comes in every day and orders the same thing and today my friend brought you with them, I didn’t even know we had mutual friends and WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT IS NOT ACTUALLY YOUR NAME HAVE I REALLY BEEN WRITING A NAME THAT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO YOURS ON YOUR CUPS FOR OVER HALF A YEAR WHY HAVE YOU NEVER CORRECTED ME AU
  • The house party me and my friends threw kinda escalated and after throwing out everyone I found this half naked person passed out in my bed but I can’t be bothered to wake them up now so I’m just gonna go to sleep and deal with it in the morning, they are kind of cute anyway AU
  • (or alternatively) I just woke up in a stranger’s bed and I’m half naked, I cant remember anything about yesterday besides that the party was great and that I got absolutely wasted AND OH MY GOD THERE IS A HOT PERSON NEXT TO ME IN BED AND THEY ARE NOT WEARING MUCH WHAT DID WE DO YESTERDAY AU
  • You are my new coworker and I’m pretty sure I’ve never met you SO WHY ARE YOU LOOKING SO FAMILIAR FUCK I THINK YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE ANGSTY EMO KIDS I USED TO STALK BACK IN THE MYSPACE DAYS I CANT BELIEVE THIS AU
  • We work out at the same gym and you are my declared rival because we have the same workout routine and you are always better than me and on my way to the locker room I passed you in the shower where you were singing the opening of hannah montana and I can still hear you and you switched to the lion king now and even though I hate you I think I am kind of in love with you AU
  • I’m hiding in the bathroom of a restaurant from a spectacularly awful tinder date and you are in a similar situation because a guy at the bar just won’t stop hitting on you and now we are planning an epic escape together even though we only met ten minutes ago AU
Indecent Exposure

Art trade with @yunyin! Her request: a funny/awkward reveal where the kids come up with a code word/phrase in case they can’t transform and need to convince the other of their identity. And what’s funnier/more awkward than Ladrien?

~*~

It wasn’t until the akuma trapped Adrien and Ladybug in the elevator together that Adrien remembered two things: one, his ring was back at the studio on the fifth floor, and two, he wore pants made entirely out of faux fur, and nothing else.

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100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 3

And we did it again, amigos! 

  1. “My sock is missing.”
  2. “I must say it can be rather therapeutic”
  3. “Shit, they spotted us. Quick, put your Obama mask on.”
  4. “You raided my village, killed my parents and slaughtered tens of innocent people. I was able to forgive you for all of that-tell myself it was in your nature. But then you did something heinous. Something beyond all possible hope of redemption. You killed my dog.”
  5. “What do you mean you accidentally assassinated the Pope!?”
  6. “I would love to give a fuck about you but sadly my last one went off to war and never returned”
  7. “If you think I’ll stop my quest for world domination for a bag of cookies, you are,,, right… Now, gimme that!”
  8. “What are you doing with that rubber duckie toy– OH DEAR GOD LORD HAVE MERCY”
  9. “I’m more afraid of myself than you.”
  10. “I already told you, there’s nothing we can do about the fights. We COULD if you stopped spoiling shows and books to everyone.”
  11. “You, my friend, are the most unnecessary when it comes to your excessively sassy attitude.”
  12. “I love you.” “…..What? OH APRIL FOOLS.”
  13. “What is this, a concert for ants???”
  14. “I made it! I’m in the list! This is being a great day since I remembered it’s a Thursday, not a Monday!”
  15. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just that, well, I’ve got a sink full of dishes and a cat to wash.”
  16. “When you said i had pretty eyes i thought you were complimenting me,not trying to buy them!”
  17. “The wolves eat tonight.”
  18. “Gee, thanks for nearly killing me because of ____!” “Listen up here, are you dead? You’d better be greateful you’re still alive tou little shit.”
  19. "When you said you could fly, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
  20. “Sarah, I love you and all but hOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP SENDING OUR PETS TO SPACE?!”
  21. “Look, just because you kidnapped me doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you.”
  22. “How in God’s name did you even get up there?!”
  23. “I think I misplaced my right hand”
  24. “I did it! I got into university!” “That’s great! What course?” “Uh… Would it be a bad thing if I told you that… Dark magic and villainy?”
  25. “Well, it just so happens that I have been a homeless man for three years now. That must mean I’m the chosen one!”
  26. “Have your eyes always been that colour?”
  27. “I’m going to fight the sun!”
  28. “You can’t just run around punching people you don’t like, ____!”
  29. “I’m not into that kinda thing.”
  30. “Dude why did you eat all that cake on your own?”
  31. “I just wanted to know if we could use a plastic knife”
  32. “Uhhhh, guys? Don’t hate me, but I think I just released Satan”
  33. “Well, fine… Just wait a little bit before you do something stupid.” “…”
  34. “What do you mean there’s no bacon flavored ice cream!?”
  35. “What do you mean you’re my sister? I don’t have a sister!”
  36. “Why the hell do we need a duck to hunt Bigfoot?”
  37. “Oh, so you can do pink explosions too”
  38. “This isn’t my kitchen, is it?”
  39. “Ohhh, so THAT’S what you meant by ‘shooting starts’.”
  40. “ACHOO” “bless you” “Thank you, wait a minute I live alone”
  41. “Put my creepy cat in a different room? Don’t be silly! I don’t even have a cat!”
  42. “Katie, please stop shooting me with tranquilizer darts.”
  43. “Why did you think it was a good idea to only bring a potato to this heist?”
  44. “Okay, we make this promise now - nobody look at that fucking goat ever again.”
  45. “Sarah, why is the cat naked?”
  46. “Wait. You’re aroused?”
  47. “Why would that surprise you?”
  48. “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  49. “okay so let me get this straight, you’re not actually my long lost twin…” “yes.” “…because you’re me from another dimension” “…yes.”
  50. “I’m sorry, but did that thing just talk?”
  51. “I thought we promised to never speak of that incident again!”
  52. "Sweetheart”“Yes dear”“Some of your morally challenged friends are trying to kidnap me again.”“And?”“And!?”“You’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself.”“Of course I can, but the gesture would have been nice!”
  53. “how many epilepsy pills can you take before you overdose?” “Just one or two.” “I’m gonna have to call you back.”
  54. “…I was GOING to ask why there’s a pink goo all over the kitchen floor but I think that can wait whilst I ask what the FUCK IS GOING ON?”
  55. “For the last time, can you stop calling that thing 'human’”
  56. “Okay, that is a seriously dodgy looking hat-are you certain you’re right about this?”
  57. “Really Darling, you can stop trying to scream, we’ve already espablished that no one cares and it’s giving you unflattering lines on your forehead.”
  58. “_______, why am I on the ceiling?”
  59. “What the heck happened while I was at the store?
  60. "What the actual fuck!” “I did warn-” “Yes I know you said you were crazy, but this…. This is…” “Just another Tuesday. Oh we’re late for tea!” “With who?!” “With the Queen of course, who else?”
  61. “Despreate times call for cows.”
  62. “Did you burn the last piece of toast again?”
  63. “You didn’t TELL me there’d be free food!”
  64. “Did Jesus really die for this bullshit?”
  65. “Do you want the apocalypse?!! Because that’s how you get the apocalypse!!!”
  66. “Goddamit, I’m dead again aren’t I? How the hell did I do it this time?”
  67. “Dude, no.”
  68. “I may be a horrible person, but at least I am an honest one.”
  69. “I told you, I dress to kill, now fetch me my fancy stilettos, mama’s gonna slay tonight!”
  70. “I left the room for 3 minutes and you really want to tell me you started a war with every single planet?” “Well, I told you 3 months ago to not leave me alone.” “And I told you I have to use the bathroom 3 months ago!”
  71. “Wow, only took 3 minutes to destroy the world.” “Let’s see if I can do it in 2!”
  72. “So… Wh-Why- How did you flush the duck down the toilet?”
  73. “dude. i liked that carpet. do you know how hard it is to wash bloodstains out of carpets.”
  74. “Don’t worry, it’s much worse than it looks.”
  75. “What are you doing ___?” “I’m camping.” “No you’re beside tree with a blank-” “CAMPING”
  76. “WHAT THE FUCK IS A DUCKPOTATO”
  77. “PUT THE PUPPY DOWN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!”
  78. “PLEASE DON’T HANG UP! YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE IN DANGER!”
  79. “What the hell kind of scream was that? And how did you make it?! ”
  80. “Hey, uhm… Hate to interrupt your conversation, but why the fuck is there a giraffe on the soup aisle”
  81. “You mean to tell me that somebody decided it was a good idea to cross plums and apricots, but nobody can figure out why my cat has RABBIT ears?”
  82. “Sorry but um… why is there a fox and a bear singing Ooh la la by Britney Spears on the balcony? And where is my chicken, Pudding?!”
  83. “Where did you get LIGHT-UP COMBAT BOOTS? THEY CHANGE COLOR?!”
  84. “So you’re telling me there was a genie trapped in that can of soup? And you accidentally ATE THE GENIE?!”
  85. “Listen…don’t take this the wrong way, but…I love the OTHER you better.”
  86. “Tell me why,  exactly, did you need the rubber chicken? ”
  87. “Look, I’m not a liar, alright?  And I ain’t overdramatic or hyperbolic or whatever else you wanna call me.  So when I say I would sell my soul for a pancake right now, I mean I will literally sell my soul for a pancake right now.  And maybe a million dollars.”
  88. “Wait a second, you’re telling me that….. YOU’VE BEEN DATING SATAN BEHIND MY BACK FOR FOUR WHOLE YEARS?!!!”
  89. “Well dad did say he would be gone for five days…what the hell? Let’s go to the corner store!”
  90. “Why did you buy 74 melons?!”
  91. “Where’s the toaster?” “It’s in the kitchen… Why do you have a fork?” “K, thanks.”
  92. “Death, out of all the things in this world, why are so afraid of ____?”
  93. “This floor is like my life; Cold and Hard.”
  94. “So you’re telling me that I am the only thing that is preventing a Third World War, right?” “Yeah, pretty much.”
  95. “I don’t know your name and you don’t know mine but I promise it will turn out okay.”
  96. “Little did you know, they were slowly turning into werewolves.”
  97. “Umm… I may have possibly accidentally blown up another planet”
  98. “I told you not to do that… now look, you’ve lost your hand!”
  99. “Every time you speak I literally die a little”
  100. “One baby soul please, Adult souls give me gas!”

“I need you, yes you (you should feel targeted), to come up with a new dialogue prompt for part 4 and leave it in the comments below. It’s fun and the first 100 replies will make the next list. As always, one prompt per amigo and don’t forget the doubles quotes “”. Pantoffel” (Click here for part 1 and here for part 2)

it gets easier to talk about but it also gets harder to talk about. i have to unfold things carefully, but the map shows better. here’s the first time i got hit by a parent, here’s the first time i got hit by a partner. they’re around the corner from each other, mirror images or hands holding or two sides of a blade. the look on people’s faces always is the same when they find out. like the words hurt them in the pit of their stomach. i feel bad when it does that; i know what it’s like to be suckerpunched. often i comfort people right after: oh, no, it’s okay, i’m okay now, it’s fine, i’m all in one piece, i got out, i’m a resilience child, i learned kindness, i found inner peace, i meditate twice a day, i do yoga and drink kale shakes and eat as if nobody ever made my teeth bleed. some of these are lies, but that is fine too, because it’s better that people don’t know an ugly truth.

sometimes i forget who in the room knows. i laugh about what happened like a punchline (get it) and people stare at me with mouths open like moons. oh my god, did that really happen to you? i don’t know. sometimes it feels like it happened to someone else, out on a distant planet. sometimes it feels like it never happened at all. sometimes it feels like it’s still happening. how can you laugh at that? and is that true? how do i say “because if i don’t laugh it’s serious” because of course it’s true. for proof: raise your hand a fraction too smooth. watch the shadow pass over my face. watch me curl away. watch me change. like a chameleon girl, i shift my shape. someone who doesn’t know laughs. you’re certainly jumpy. the girl at the table who helped me cover the bruise stares at me, watching my chest, trying to figure out if i’m panicking. he’s confused when quiet are you okay questions touch my skin - only those who know, only those who are watching.

and i smile, because it’s easier to talk about but it’s harder to admit it still effects me. memories should be left in the kingdom of dreams. sometimes i feel like i should be done with it already. i stare at a picture of cartoons that says if you don’t know these, you didn’t have a childhood. i know all but two of them. some of them i watched after it happened. i really liked scooby doo. in the end, the mask comes off and the bad guy is revealed and he goes to jail. in real life, i wait for someone to come take his mask off. it just makes him mean. the blue lights of the law never show up on the green of our lawn. i had a pretty good childhood, i think. it made me interesting, at least. i picked blueberries.

i laugh about it a lot. talk about how it’s funny that if you got abused there’s just, like, a second round of partner abuse, sitting out there, waiting for you. that you’re the most likely to pick an abuser from the crowd - or worse, like beauty and the beast, watch yourself become her. see your rotten hands and think of your father. isn’t that funny! that i can take a hit and i’d rather take a lifetime of them than be the one doing the giving just once. i talk about how you walk in the eclipse of it. that it confuses you when the sun comes out. that when you find someone who won’t hurt you, you still walk on eggshells, waiting for them to hurt you. i say it through a smile, because if you bend yourself the right way, your life looks more like comedy-drama than just plain tragedy. i watch fantastic beasts and where to find them and when the abused child turns out to be beyond saving, i hear myself laugh in a bark. or it was a sob. i can’t tell. it doesn’t matter. in my world, children like me learned about magic early, and how our own actions can turn a man from a gentle person into a savage beast. 

okay, i say, smiling, maybe if you put it that way, yeah, i was abused and it wasn’t funny. but come on. think of the puns! you could say my life was really a hit! now don’t be upset. it’s funny. it’s funny. it’s funny.

migumiglorious replied to your post “You mentioned in your tags on your post that you are in the upswing of…”

Oh my god “try harder” is what all my teachers and counselor told me for the four year duration of middle school whenever I said I didn’t understand the material in class or when I said I couldn’t focus and it was h e l l. Honestly I think teachers say that cause they think students are lying, so that they can go “Oh I did my job I didn’t ignore them” when in reality they’re still doing that. I get close to flipping my shit every time I hear someone say it now.

Try harder has been my mantra through all of my childhood right the way through to my adult years. Try harder. 

Like honestly the whole time I was at university I was having a perpetual meltdown, there was no way I could have possibly tried harder. I graduated with a 2:1 with honors (I have no idea how to translate that for the Americans, sorry, it’s pretty good though, like not 4.0 good but Up There) and the first thing my professor said to me, with a big ole smile on his face was “now imagine what you could have done if you’d just tried harder” and all I could hear after that was the Kill Bill siren in my head. Like I’d just coasted my way there, and hand’t spent four years torturing myself, crying daily and completely destroying my personal life to try and keep it together long enough to reach graduation day.

And that’s a summary of my entire school life right there, with report cards that say “Joy is extremely clever but just doesn’t try hard enough”, “could be wonderful, if she only tried harder.” And it took until last year when I was joking with @jeneelestrange that it’s odd that I know all the things that I know because I’m not all that clever, and haha isn’t it funny that I’m able to remember these things despite this this and this, and there was this moment of pause which you could hear even over the internet before Jenee very gently nudged me with “hey…uh…that uh…that’s a learning disorder, you have a learning disorder” and I went haha no I just don’t try hard enough, I’m just not all that clever…right? I’m just stupid, right? Why else do I struggle so much with academic things…

Wait, what do you mean ADHD gets overlooked in girls because it presents differently than in boys? What?! What do they mean it’s hard?!?! WELL WHY DON’T THEY TRY HARDER?!!

heartbreak chronicles {2} | M

PT 1 | PT 2 ONGOING

Contains: smut, sexting {fuckboy!jimin}

Words: 5,764

Summary: Park Jimin had it all — good grades, a place as the soccer team’s captain and, more than that, the broken hearts of at least half the campus’ population. Though, one thing he did not have was someone willing to break his heart and, after you were dragged inside a miraculous plan to play that part, the last thing counted on was the preposterous idea that, perhaps, you could fall for him as well.

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A/N: Can you believe that I managed to come up with a quick update? Me neither.

Monotone, drowning in tedium — that was how your first Monday class begun. Somewhere deep inside your mind, you could hear your teacher going on about an empty subject, filling the air inside the classroom with disconex sentences and incomprehensible claims; your own perception far beyond the yellowed walls of that room. Perhaps, sitting on the last row was not helping your lack of focus; but, much to your personal bliss, Jennie was right next to you, taking the notes you would make sure to use later.

In all honesty, your mind was in the same location as before: the party. Equivalent to what unfolded during the weekend, the story repeated itself amidst your tired daydreams; dragging your consciousness towards the bubbling, divergent feelings inside your chest. Unlike what you first expected, the anguish and guilt of your acts did not last longer than the ride back to your dorm, instead morphing into a sense of curiosity. After all, there were so many details that you waited to be presented with — the second step, the collateral damage it would have on your friendship and, more than anything, Jimin’s reaction.

You just did not expect it would come that instant.

The cloudy preoccupations of your chaotic thoughts dissipated as a light buzz sounded below you, your phone lighting up with a new notification. With a frown, you stared down at the illuminated screen, eyes falling to the white text.

The second you read it, your heart skipped a beat.

[10:22] Jimin: we need to talk

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alpacalypticpotatoes  asked:

Headcannon that Adrien starts lowkey rebelling against his father by calling him Gabe like the little shit he is

yeah see adrien would be so subtle about it. like nino would encourage him to start rebelling a little and he just does it little controlled spurts so that his father kinda blinks….and is like…..did that happen….? it would be the best crackfic tbh

gabriel: adrien, please meet me in my office
adrien: sure thing, gabe
gabriel: what?
adrien: what?


gabriel: adrien you cannot skip your chinese lesson to go to marinette’s birthday party. 
adrien: but chinese lessons aren’t necessary
gabriel: just because it isn’t necessary doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable
adrien: so it’s like your casual indifference
gabriel: pardon?
adrien: not necessary, but you seem to value it. 
gabriel: ………
adrien: kay, so i’m going to marinette’s birthday, i’ll text you when i get home


gabriel: i won’t be able to attend your fencing match today. something has come up. 
adrien: that’s okay, i won’t be able to attend your hundredth review of my schedule today. something has come up. 


gabriel: adrien, we need to talk about your behavior lately
adrien: did i do something wrong?
gabriel: i’m sensing some discontentment from you
adrien: …you’re noticing this now?
gabriel: excuse me?
adrien: oh my god is this what nino meant about obliviousness running in the family
gabriel: adrien what on earth are you – ?
adrien: is this why mom liked you so much?
gabriel: what?
adrien: what?

Getting Away With Kidnapping

Context: So after a lengthy discussion, our DM ruled that if a target is charmed, and the charmed effect is ended via the charmed target being attacked, that as long as an Enchantment Wizard was the one who charmed the target, the Enchantment Wizard can include the target forgetting who just attacked them when they use Alter Memories.

Bard: *fails Persuasion check*

Paladin: *fails Intimidate check*

NPC: No! I’m not guiding you all anywhere, and that’s final!

Party (OOC): Well shit. What do we do now?

Wizard (OOC): Guys, I have a plan. Just follow my lead. I cast Charm Person

NPC: Proceeds to guide party where they need to go while charmed.

Party: Proceeds to kill bandits they were after.

Wizard (OOC): Alright guys. Here’s part two of my plan. I whap the NPC with my quarterstaff.

DM: You have successfully whapped the NPC. Your Charm Person ends

Wizard (OOC): So how long has he been with us?

DM: Including when you first found him in town, up till now… 3 hours.

Wizard (OOC): Awesome! I use Alter Memories to make him forget the past 3 hours, including me just whapping him in the head.

DM: And he fails his save. Alright, you all now have a very confused NPC in front of you who doesn’t know who you are, where he is, or why his head hurts. What do you do?

Wizard: Excuse me sir. Are you alright?

Bard: (28 Deception) It seems these men kidnapped you. Looks like you took a pretty good blow to the head. Do you remember anything?

NPC: By the gods! Oh no! These men where my business partners! How did this happen? Why would they do this to me? Thank you so much for saving me!

The Case of the Bed Stranger

Stiles/Derek, T, 1.5K words, College AU

Written for the following prompt: The house party me and my friends threw kinda escalated and after throwing out everyone I found this half naked person passed out in my bed but I can’t be bothered to wake them up now so I’m just gonna go to sleep and deal with it in the morning, they are kind of cute anyway AU


“Erica,” Derek says calmly—very calmly, he thinks, considering the situation. It’s two in the morning, he just trudged back from the library with a pounding headache behind his eyes, and he comes home to find their apartment the site of a raging house party, with drunk undergrads everywhere.

“Hey, Der,” she says, with that wide grin that only comes out when she’s had one drink too many.

“You didn’t tell me you were throwing a party,” he says, his jaw clenched, and she scoffs.

“This? This isn’t a party. This is a, uh, just a little get-together.”

Derek rolls his eyes. “It’s finals, for fuck’s sake. I’m going to bed, at least turn the fucking music down.”

He pushes through the crowd—accidentally hitting some of them with his backpack, oops—and finally seeks refuge in his room. The noise is dulled, blessedly, when he shuts the door behind him, and he exhales, letting his eyes fall shut. His momentary calm evaporates, however, when he opens eyes and notices the very important fact that someone is currently asleep in his bed, sprawled out on his stomach like he owns the place.

All Derek can see is broad bare shoulders, messy brown hair, and half of a mole-dotted face, pressed into the pillow and currently slack with sleep. Huh.

Derek sighs. He’s fucking exhausted, he doesn’t want to deal with babysitting some drunk kid right now, and he really doesn’t want him to wake up and then throw up in Derek’s bed or something.

Plus, the traitorous little voice in his head says, he’s really cute.

Derek shakes his head, irritated, as he drops his backpack on his desk chair. He strips down to his boxers and skips brushing his teeth—he’ll do it twice in the morning, and people are probably fucking the bathroom anyway, Jesus Christ.

Derek pulls back the comforter and gently slides into the bed, trying not to disrupt the mattress before he realizes that he’s being ridiculous. Why is he even considering a stranger’s comfort? It all seems for naught, anyway, because this kid apparently sleeps like the dead.

He takes a quick peek under the blankets, and at least the guy’s still wearing briefs, thank god. Derek doesn’t want to have to worry about accidentally sexually assaulting someone in his sleep.

He flops over onto his other side—thanks to the king size bed, his only grad school indulgence, there’s plenty of room—and closes his eyes. He’ll deal with this shit in the morning.

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By Way of Spontaneity (Part 8)

Summary: On a whim, Bucky declares you to be his girlfriend to his grandma and mother. They’re eager to meet you and he asks you to pretend to be with him for just one dinner with his family. But is that really all?

Word Count: 1,074

Warnings: None.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

A/N: INBOX IS HERE. I know you wanna scream. :) 

Originally posted by pandasubaru


Bucky snapped his fingers in front of your eyes, calling out your name. After what seemed like hours, you blinked and looked up at him, your face crestfallen. He slowed down the car significantly as he leaned over to you, to try to see your screen.

You shook your head and brought the phone to your chest. “No.”

“What’s wrong with you? What did you see?”

Before you could answer, Nat’s screeching voice tore through the device’s speaker and you startled, bringing it up to your ear.

“H-Hello?”

“Did you see it? Oh, my God! Did you see the freakin’ picture?”

“Yes,” you answered curtly. “I saw it.”

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You know I don’t think Jack knew he liked Ashi till this exact moment

“Why am I so nervous? Oh no oh no oh god no I like her.. I am not prepared for for this!!!!”

“Shitshitshit our hands touched what do I do?!?!?!??! I should say something I should say something come on brain make words happen.”

“Oh no stop talking. I’m making it sooooooo much worse. STOP TALKING!!!”

“Well I’m sweating worse than when I fought a legit army this is great. Is there a book on this? I feel like I should have been taught something. Well so long as I don’t talk again…”

“OH GOD WHY AM I TALKING AGAIN!?!?!”

“Ok ok I can do this we spoke before right? Yes yes we definitely did. Why is this so hard now?!?”

“Is it these uuuummmmm feelings I uh mmmmm does she like me too? I don’t know if i can handle that. Oh where is that figment of my mind to tell me what to do?”

“Oh thank god someone is trying to kill us. This I know how to deal with……should that concern me?”