and i cry in agony

Does anyone else ever have the experience where your daydreams are, like…… off if you’re not in the right place? For me, my daydreams are always the best and most enthralling when I’m at home. When I’m at my dorm, though, they almost feel wrong. I don’t even know if I’m making any sense I need to go to sleep now omg


Summary: Annabelle Shaw (reader) trains at the Avengers compound. While remembering her troubled past, she injures herself and recieves help from the last person she expected.

Word Count: 2,246

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! So this is my first story on here, so bear with me! I am open to requests, so if anyone ever wants to request fics, feel free to message me! Thanks for reading!

Sunlight seeps through the curtains, filling the dark room with golden hues. My eyes open slowly, a low groan emanating from my throat as I roll over in the plush bed. I throw the sheets over my head, exhaling deeply as I settle back in contently.

“Good morning, Miss Shaw,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. croons. “It is six a.m. and Captain Rogers is awaiting your training session in the sparring room.”

“Ugh,” I drawl. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., tell Steve I’m not training today because I’m exhausted from the mission last night,” I mumble sleepily. “Goddamn old men and their early mornings.”

“As you wish.”

“Oh, and F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

“Yes, Miss?”

I smile and say, “Close the curtains and don’t wake me up unless it’s an emergency.”

“Of course, Miss Shaw.”

Just as my eyes flutter shut, a hand bangs on the door in quick succession. “Annabelle! Rise and shine!” Steve yells.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., keep him out.”

“Yes, Miss Shaw.”

I turn over and sigh happily, knowing F.R.I.D.A.Y. would never go against my wishes. Steve continues to pound against the door, yelling about our training session, but I stay completely silent. I hear the AI say something to Steve, probably telling him I’ve restricted all contact with me to emergencies only. The incessant knocking stops and I’m finally at peace.

“Miss Shaw,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. says, confused, “I’m afraid Captain Rogers is overriding my security protocol. He will have access to you in approximately twenty seconds.”

With that, my eyes fly open and I begin to panic. “Shit,” I chant. Rushing around the room, I shuck off my pajamas and throw on a sports bra, tank top and capri spandex bottoms, knowing Steve will drag me out in whatever I’m in, regardless of how I look. Just as I’m throwing my hair into a high ponytail, the door whisks open and Steve barges in, a creased brow and shit-eating grin on his face.

“Annabelle, I told you what would happen if you did this again,” he boomed, advancing quickly.

My heart leaps to my throat. “Steve, I’m so tired from last night, please don’t do th-”

I’m cut off as the super-soldier tosses me over his shoulder, laughing gleefully as I yelp in surprise. “Too little too late, Shaw.”

His grip is completely constricting, forcing my hand. I plant a hard slap on his right butt cheek, which surprises him, causing him to squeal “shit!” and his hands to slightly falter. I take the opportunity to slip away and sprint down the hallway of the Avenger’s compound, heart pounding. He pursues me with heavy footfalls that resonate throughout the otherwise silent building, shouting empty threats at me while laughing.

I spin around and throw up the middle finger, chortling, only to slam into a solid, warm surface.

I topple over and slam into the floor, taking the body with me. We groan in unison and a flash of silver catches my eye. I stiffen and shoot up in panic. “Sorry, I didn’t see you th-”

He cuts you off with a growl, standing up slowly. “Watch where you’re going next time.” Bucky stalks away quietly, seething.

I turn to Steve and he laughs nervously, leading me to the sparring room.

After a long day of training, I fall onto my bed, completely wore down. Steve, ever so merciless and in excellent shape, always expected me to keep up with him when we trained together, which seemed like a stretch. When we sparred, I could knock him down and keep him down easily, but when it came to physical endurance and strength training, it seemed like the super-soldier enjoyed pushing me past my breaking point every day. Every session introduced a new form of torture that reigned hell on my body, and every night prolonged my misery with every single movement.

We frequently came across the others training for missions, but had never once seen Bucky in the training rooms. I didn’t know if that was because he didn’t need training, or if he just didn’t care enough to make an effort, but it annoyed the hell out of me every day because of how effortless he made missions seem. There I always was, busting my ass, and he would simply throw people into walls with his metal arm with what seemed like little to no effort. It infuriated me.

There is a mission tonight that Steve, Sam, Natasha, and Wanda had to go on, leaving me, Bucky, and Tony at the compound. After the falling out of the Avengers about a year and a half ago, the Sokovia Accords had been abolished, leaving the group to have free reign with the supervision of the World Security Council. Amnesty was granted to Steve, Sam, Clint, Wanda, and Scott, so they returned to the States. Tony, having realized what a dick he had been, formally apologized to everyone for his behavior and overall jackassery during their “civil war.” Since then, everything has been running smoothly, with most of the team back at the compound. Clint and Scott returned to their families, T’Challa remained in Wakanda to serve his duty as both king and Black Panther warrior, Banner’s been MIA since the battle for Sokovia, and Tony spends most of his time in New York and Queens to keep an eye on the new kid, Peter, and help Rhodey adjust to life. I’d never met the Spider-Man himself, but from what Sam and Steve’s told me, he seems like an overzealous teenager who’s eager to please, like I was.

I head to the gym, F.R.I.D.A.Y. playing my workout playlist through the PA system. I twirl a knife in my hand, slightly dancing to the rhythm while walking down the corridor. Once I reach the gym, I ditch my knife on a table in exchange for tape and head for a punching bag, carefully wrapping my knuckles as I go. Clenching my fist, I roll my neck to loosen up before striking the sand-filled bag. I smile, savoring the sweet sting from the punch, and throw three more in quick succession. After I’m warmed up, I begin to throw punches and kicks like Steve taught me, exerting all of the strength I could muster.

Startling awake, I gasp for breath, fighting against the restraints. The metal table is cold beneath me, save for the small pools of blood that seeped through the fabric of my shirt. I glance down at my exposed midriff, crying out at the pain of the gunshot wounds. I scream in agony, concentrating on the lodged bullets, and pull the fragments out. This is what they want. They want to see you break, to unleash your power, and you finally did. As soon as the bullets land on the floor, a team of doctors rush in, grinning like they’d won the lottery. I scream, light bulbs shattering above and the table shaking with every breath I take.

“Yes,” they say, one amorphous, sinister voice. “Now we can begin.”

I lose track of how long I spend at the bag, so when I see blood seeping through the white tape encasing my tender knuckles, I slow to a stop. My tank top is completely soaked through, so I discard it on the floor, leaving me in my sports bra and yoga capris. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., stop the music please.” I carefully unwrap my hands, wincing at the agonizing burn of split knuckles. I walk to the table and grab a knife to sever the cage of white engulfing my scarlet fingers. Once the tape is gone and my knuckles can bleed freely, I sit against a wall, clutching my head in my hands, struggling to control the erratic heaves of my chest.


A noise from the door startles me out of my stupor and my guard is up immediately. Without looking, I stand and hurl the knife to the frame of the door, the glinting metal striking its mark inches from the intruder’s head.

“Shit,” Bucky breathes. “It’s just me.”

Exhaling shakily, I shake my head and scoff. “What, need to train?”

“Uh, yeah,” he says, stepping into the room. He glances around curiously, as if experiencing it for the first time. I scoff again, concluding that this actually is his first time here. Bucky isn’t one to initiate conversation, and neither am I, so I put him out of my mind as I grab a towel to wipe my hands. Biting my lip to conceal my pain from my metal-armed spectator, I gently dab my knuckles, blood soaking into the towel quickly. The whimper I mistakenly let out results in Bucky coming over to me in a flash, slowly circling his fingers, flesh and metal, around my wrists. I avoid his eyes shamefully, frowning. What is he doing?

“Come with me,” he says. He grazes his metal fingers up my arm and down my back in one swift motion, goosebumps raising in their wake. My breathing falters for a second, barely a hitch, but he notices. He hides his grin by pretending to scratch his scruff-covered jaw. I try not to stare when Bucky runs his fingers through his hair, holding back his smile. He splays his cool fingers on the small of my back, gently leading me out of the gym.

The only thing I can concentrate on is his hand on my skin. The smooth and cool surface of the metal tingles on the sweaty, exposed surface. While he’s touching me, my body is suddenly hyperaware of every move he makes, so I can feel when he adjusts his arm slightly to curl his fingers around my waist nonchalantly. I try not to gasp when he tugs me into his room and slams the door behind him.

“Bucky, what-”

He shakes his head and smiles softly. “I just want to help clean you up,” he says quietly. My heart practically slams out of my chest as he takes in my shocked expression and grins boyishly, dimples forming in his cheeks. “C’mon B.”

“B?” I question. He takes me to his en-suite and lifts me onto the vanity, which makes me squeak in surprise. Who the hell is this guy?

He smiles, and again I’m transported to another place. I’ve never seen him smile so often and so freely. It’s confusing. “Just thought I’d try it out. Everyone calls you a cute nickname, and I thought I would try out B.”

Bucky digs around a drawer, fishing out antibacterial cream, gauze, and medical tape. His hair falls into his face as he washes my knuckles with warm water and soap tenderly. I study him: his sharp, strong jawline; his strong cheekbones; his long lashes lightly dusting his cheeks when he blinks; the soft curve of his plump lips and how he bites the lower one in concentration; his broad shoulders and bulging biceps straining against his plain black shirt; his everything.

“Why B? What does it stand for? Bells?”

He pauses, holding my cut hands. Blush dusts his cheeks and he looks up at me with the same heart-stopping, boyish grin he gave me earlier. “No.”

I crease my eyebrows. “What then?”


My heart hammers in my chest. What? He places my hands in my lap, stepping between my parted legs. “Bucky, what-”

“Shh, just let me, let me try something.” He leans in closer, firmly gripping my hips, pulling me closer to him. I squeak in surprise, my whole body burning with an emotion I can’t decipher. We are so close, closer than I’ve been with anyone in a while. I feel like I can’t breathe, but in the best possible way, when he leans in, brushing his lips against mine. I gasp and he sucks in a breath through his nose. Everything is tingling and nothing feels real, but the warm pressure of his hands on my hips reminds me that this is reality. Bucky pulls me impossibly closer, fully pressing his lips against mine. I sigh, my heart pounding with excitement, and bring him closer to me by holding his face in my shaking hands. I can feel the pulse on his neck, whimpering when it’s as fast and hard as mine. He groans and deepens the kiss, slipping his tongue into my mouth, much to my surprise. He feels and tastes amazing, like the peppermint gum he always chews. His body is solid and warm between my parted thighs, and my mind is buzzing.

Time ceases to exist when his lips are on mine, and everything feels like a dream. After what feels like a blissful eternity yet only a second, I reluctantly break the connection, breathing hard and fast like the beautiful man in front of me. He lays his forehead on mine, struggling to catch his breath. I laugh nervously and lace our fingers together, leaning against the wall behind me.

“What was that?” I ask breathlessly. He grins.

“Can’t stop thinking about those lips,” he tells me. I blush scarlet, which makes him laugh. He finishes bandaging my hands and I feel helpless against the assault of light kisses he gives each knuckle once it’s cleaned and wrapped.

Once he’s finished, he pulls me off the counter and leads me back to the gym. I stare at him, still giddy, and ask, “What are we doing?”

He grabs a handful of knives off of the table and turns to you, grinning. “I want you to teach me how to throw knives.”

I blanch. “Are you kidding me? You don’t know how to throw a knife?”

He shrugs. “I do. I just want you to teach me how you throw knives. I see you playing with one all the time.”

My eyes widen in shock and yet again, I blush. “You watch me?”

His metal arm glints in the sun as he scratches the back of his head sheepishly. “Um, yeah. For a while now.”

I can’t hide the smile that lights up my face; much to my displeasure, I also can’t hide the girly giggle that escapes. “What else do you think about?”

He drops the knives and rushes to me, grabbing me by the thighs and hoisting me up. I squeal, which seems to be a recurring, annoying sound I make, and wrap my arms around his neck. He traces my lips with a finger, looks up at me with a soft smile and bright eyes before saying, “Trust me, babydoll, this is only the beginning.”

Give Me What I Know Is Mine (Part 1)

Pairing: Sam x Reader, Dean, Nick (OMC)
Word count: 1126
Warnings: A little witchcraft, a little fluff. And smut. Shameless smut. (To be specific,  the following kinks are highlighted: bondage, blindfolds, pain play, breast play. Don’t play in the rain if you don’t have proper protection, kiddies! Also, safe, sane, and consensual play is awesome.)
Challenge:  This was written for @mamaredd123 and @atc74‘s Fabulous 300 Challenge. Apologies for the late entry, but thank you so much for your patience!

A/N: Hello hello! So my prompts for this challenge were “a talisman”, the emotion of Lust, and Queen’s “I Want It All”. I’m fascinated with dream catchers, which are shamanic talismans within Native American culture. Yes, they’re known for catching bad dreams…but what if they were woven with additional intent? That idea is what inspired what you’re about to read. Hope you enjoy it.

Originally posted by cheerfulsammy

Originally posted by rain---ing

Keep reading


Based off of this by@harbinger-of-falafel ‘s Post

I had way too much fun coloring Artemis I put so much detail into her that I had to redo a bit of Lester/ Apollo.

Also head canon that Artemis puts her hair up differently (she honestly looks great in pigtails)

Ugh I love the sun and moon twins I guess this is part 2, I have a part 3 involving them in mind but that’s for later u.u

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 //

Maybe I can’t stop the downpour, but I will always join you for a walk in the rain.

(For all those who don’t know yet, you can find me on Instagram - barsonshippersvu!)

Son of a Patriotic Biscuit (Part 4)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 2067

Warnings: Mentions of torture (Nothing particularly graphic, but if I’m wrong please correct me)

A/N: Two parts to go after this, guys! Thanks for sticking with me for the ride, I really appreciate it! Tag list for this as well as other fics is open, so if you want to be added don’t be afraid to let me know! As always, feedback is appreciated. Gif is not mine

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Your name: submit What is this?

“So, it appears that our very own little experiment 239 has come back to us.”

“Really? I’ve heard the stories, but I honestly thought they were a myth.”

“No, they’re true - this is the only one that ever escaped us. But we’ve got her back now, and she certainly isn’t getting away again.” I heard three voices as I returned to the waking world, my head throbbing viciously. Keeping my breath slow and even, I cast out my net of available senses into my surroundings. I was bound on a table, my wings stretched and restrained as well (no surprise there). With a sinking heart, I realized where I was - back in my old room.

“I think she’s waking up,” one of the bunch finally noticed.

“Well, let’s give her a nice warm welcome home then, yeah?” It was anything but warm. A bucket of ice cold water was tossed over my body and I instantly reacted, only to find that the restraints let me move no more than a couple of centimeters.

“I’m not telling you anything,” I spat once I had regained my breath.

“Oh no, we don’t need anything you can tell us.” The blond scientist on my right chuckled. “No, it’s back to the experiments with you.” With that, I was whisked off under heavy guard to the lab room I knew too well. It doubled as a simulator room - they would throw any possible obstacle at the victim and record the response. Simple enough, but it could be deadly. It was even worse, knowing there was nothing I could say or do to get them to stop, short of dying that is.

Several hours later saw me curled in a corner of the room, shivering violently. I had just faced extremely cold temperatures, and I was only in my battle suit, which was not particularly built to withstand freezing to this degree. My wings were curled around me as best as they could, but they were stiff with injuries and the cold. A strangled gasp left my throat as a massive shock ran through my body, likely generated by the floor. Before, I would have fought to find something non-conductive to climb onto, but my vision was already spotty at best and with the bullet wounds still tender (there was blood leaking through the bandages by now) I was unable to even stand.

All of a sudden, the torment stopped and I looked up, wary of something else starting. The only things I heard, however, were loud voices arguing over something in the observation room. Grateful for the brief respite, I sprawled across the floor, gasping for air like a fish out of water as every muscle trembled uncontrollably.

The door was slammed open and I shot bolt upright, falling backward again as I tried to stand but failed, my injured leg buckling under my weight. A military looking man dressed from head to toe in black tactical gear sauntered into the room, looking at me like I was less than the dirt on his shoes.

“You can’t just take our experiment!” One of the experimenters came rushing after him, white lab coat stark against the black suit as he tried to pull the unfamiliar man out.

“I can and I will. Do you not remember our agreement, doctor? Will I have to remind you?” I knew a bluff when I saw one, and the implicit threat was most definitely not fake. As the scientist shrank back under the man’s intense glare, he strode over to me, hauling me upright by my injured arm. I let out a howl of pain at that, but it only served to tighten his grip. He dragged me to a nearby room, throwing me roughly onto a steel table.

“Now, you’re going to tell me all about your little friends, the Avengers.”

“I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request.” I smirked slightly. “Means ‘no.’”

“I was hoping you would say that.” His own grin, though far more malicious than mine, spread crookedly. “After all, it gives me a chance to test out some of our new technology. I’d hate for it to go to waste. One last chance to give me what I want?”

“Over. My. Dead. Body,” I snarled.

“Lovely. Let’s begin, shall we?”

Days dragged into weeks, all following the same routine. The little guttersnipe would come in, wake me up with a nice, cold bucket of water before asking me to just tell him. I would say no, he would laugh and say that it was the answer he was hoping for. I had been moved into another room, one where I was strung up, dangling by my hands, with my wings held outstretched and my toes barely reaching the floor. Somehow, I continued to hold out against the torture, though I would have preferred to be dead right about then.  Some days, he would be the one tormenting me (quite honestly, I had never bothered to learn his name) while other days he would send a lackey in to do his dirty work. Poisons that made the nerves extra-sensitive were commonplace at the start of these little ‘sessions.’ Blowtorches were a favorite and a common occurrence, as were knives and a particular whip.

“Just give him what he wants. He always gets what he wants in the end.” Today’s minion was just like all the rest of them. “It’ll be easier for you to just tell him.”

“Tell him, huh?” I raised an eyebrow, cracking open a scab a little. “Well how about this. You tell that loathsome, foul, little cockroach that I’ve no intention of telling him. Ever. Capiche? He might as well stop trying.”

“Very well.” He rolled his eyes at me as he stepped toward where I hung, my clothes in tatters, with the vicious whip in his hand. My one good leg wouldn’t hold out much longer, and that would then pull both shoulders from their sockets. It wouldn’t be long now, I could feel it. Whatever had been protecting me was wearing away, and I was tiring. Thoughts flew through my head at a mile a second, thoughts of what false information I could trick him with, what wild goose chases I could send him on.

The sounds of a commotion barely registered in my ears over the tongues of flame licking at my back and the screams I hardly recognized as my own. Even when it did, I was sure I was imagining it, like I had done countless times already. It finally caught my attention when a white-coated scientist came bursting through the door, bringing with him the sounds of a fight as he pulled my tormentor aside and murmured a few words in the man’s ear.

“What? Are you sure?” Black-Suit exclaimed, apparently taken aback at whatever news he had just received. “Alright. I’ll deal with this end.” With a nod, White-Coat went running back through the door, only to be shot down directly in my view. That definitely startled the man still in the room, and he moved to gather up something  from behind me.

As it turned out, even with his speeding up the man moved too slowly. A round shield came flying out of nowhere, barely missing me but hitting Black-Suit squarely in the back of the head. I was too far gone at that point to realize the implications of it until Steve appeared in the doorway. The worry in his gaze only half registered then, but I knew I had to be quite the sight, blood-covered and half dead as I was. Thor was only a half of a second behind him, and while Steve moved to free me the god took care of securing our prisoner.

“Feathers? You with me?” His voice was gentle as he undid my chains and I collapsed into his arms. Despite his tenderness, I let out a cry of pain at the added agony from jostling my injuries.

“Fricken fracken, mother truckin’, son of a biscuit eating, little artifact with the brains of a donkey,” I managed a smile that felt more like a grimace, curling into Steve’s arms as comfortably as I could. My blood was draining from me much faster than he would’ve liked, I could see it in his eyes.

“How is the Lady Y/N?” Thor asked in his booming voice, though he made noticeable effort to speak more quietly than normal as he slung my tormentor over his shoulder roughly.

“Definitely going to pull through, if her insults are anything to go by.” His words sounded almost more like a reassurance for himself than anything else. The rocking motion of the super soldier’s gait was calming, the safety I now felt slowly luring me away from consciousness. “Hey, stay with me, alright, sweetheart?”

With valiant effort, I managed to crack one eye back open and glare at him like he had woken me for early morning training. “Fricken fracken, mother truckin’, son of a biscuit eating, little unpunctual perpetually late, purple twinkie… I can’t seem to stay away from you,” The pain must’ve been getting to my head if I was saying that out loud, albeit muttered under my breath, even quieter than normal because I was almost completely unconscious.

“Aren’t you ever going to stop with the insults? I did just save your life.” I felt the vibrations of his laughter from where my head rested against him.

“That’s commendable. Really, it is. But the stars are not in position for that. Nope. Can’t do it. Not today.” The smell of him surrounded me, and I knew I was safe at last. Safe enough that I wasn’t afraid to let go. My fear regarding death had only ever been that I was going to die alone, but I was home now, in his arms. Or as close to home as I was going to get. “Hey, Steve?”

“Yeah, doll?”

“I’m… sorry… I don’t think… I’m gonna…” I trailed off, my eyes closing when I no longer had the strength to keep them open.

“No, no, no, no. You’re gonna be just fine, Feathers.” His voice was desperate, and I felt a little sad at the thought of leaving him behind, but the darkness around the edge of my mind was calling me. “We’re almost to the jet. We’ve just got to get you home, and it’ll all be alright. Open your eyes back up for me. Just look at me, please. We barely got you back, you can’t leave already!

“Please…” I didn’t hear the rest of the phrase as the darkness enfolded all of my senses, warm and comforting like an old friend.

Steve’s POV

“No, no, no, no. You’re gonna be just fine, Feathers,” I said, panicking as I saw her eyes closing. “We’re almost to the jet. We’ve just got to get you home, and it’ll all be alright. Open your eyes back up for me. Just look at me, please! We barely got you back, you can’t leave already! Please don’t go.” It was too late - her eyes were already shut and she had gone limp in my arms.

“Please, doll,” I repeated, blinking back the sudden wetness in my eyes. “Please, I love you. You can’t leave. Not like this.” In a haze, I rushed to the quinjet with Thor on my tail, desperately hoping that there was still something that Bruce could do. When we made it, I saw his face pale at the sight of her as he moved to check her over. I barely registered anything more than his voice telling me where to put her, to hold her down, to lift something as he examined the suddenly small figure I had been holding in my arms.

What felt like hours later, he finally slumped into a chair with a sigh of some emotion I didn’t pay attention to. I could feel my heart sinking, thinking that there was nothing more to be done, when he looked up at me with an exhausted smile.

“She’ll pull through.” Three little words brought the smallest of smiles up to tug at my lips, too tired to do more than twitch. That was all it had taken to bring hope back to what had become a very dark and almost empty world at the thought of her not being in it.

Part Five

Forever Tags: @riddikulus-obsessions

Son of a Patriotic Biscuit Tags: @barnes-toddpartnersinheartbreak

Series Masterlist

Joker Imagine - Just Kill Me!

Anonymous said:Can i request one where joker and reader have been fighting and he abuses her and the reader just had enough so she tells him, “either you just let me leave or please, please just kill me i can’t take this anymore.” and the joker realizes all his mistakes and he’s so torn that she’d rather die than be with him SORRYYY I KNOW THIS IS LONG BUT I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE THE BEST WRITER TO ASKKKK 😅😅💕💕💕

/Aw you’re so sweet. Thanks for requesting, I really hope you like it! :)

Originally posted by grysamobojcow

Originally posted by sensualkisses

Your P.O.V.

Once again I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation with my boyfriend Joker, or as I simply called him J.  Tears were trying hard to come out of my E/C eyes, but I really fought against them. We were in the bedroom, fighting over a mission that nearly failed because of me. Of course, me, because I’m the worst according to him. 

‘’I’m sorry J! But we still managed to get through it well. Nothing bad happened!’’ I defended myself and started to feel very stressed. His green hair was a mess and he was obviously fucking angry at me. ‘’Yeah but little do you know Y/N that you nearly got Frost killed!’’ He growled loudly and then grabbed a lamp from the nightstand, smashing it against the wall like it was nothing. He was really losing it this time.

‘’I didn’t mean to..’’ I stated more quietly than him. His head snapped to  look at me and he walked over with heavy steps. ‘’You didn’t mean to do it? Well damn it Y/N I don’t give a fuck whether you meant it or not. I thought you were a better criminal!’’ He spat right into my face and made me back away. Then I was against the wall, just hoping that he’d calm down. 

‘’Sorry J, but I don’t want to keep talking about this. No one got hurt, okay?’’ I sighed, hoping that my words could speak some sense into his head. But it did the opposite. I flinched as both of his arms hit the wall on both sides of my head, only centimeters away from hitting me. ‘’Don’t talk to me like that’’ He hissed and started to breathe heavily. 

His right hand moved from the wall to my body, holding onto my jaw tightly so it hurt. ‘’J p-please let go’’ I whispered, being forced to stand on my feet so it wouldn’t hurt so much. He looked at me darkly and I felt his anger in the air -so tense and anxious. ‘’Hmm.. does it hurt?’’ He fake pouted in a mocking way. A silent tear rolled down my face, nearly making the rest spill. Then he clenched his jaw angrily and pushed me on the floor harshly.

A scream left my lips because it startled me and I hit the floor with a hard impact. I landed on my side and my neck snapped a little, making the muscle hurt. ‘’You can’t come on the next mission’’ he said bluntly and stepped closer to me. His legs were on both of my sides and he looked down with hate. Sadness washed over my body and then I started crying. ‘’Please J! I w-won’t do it again’’ I promised and tried hard to swallow my tears.

He reached down for my hair and pulled me up on my feet. It hurt like hell! ‘’Stop it!’’ I screeched out in pain and started sobbing. He just pushed me against the wall again, making air escape my lungs from another hard impact. ‘’You can’t come and that’s the end of that story! You’re already crying you weak ass bitch!’’ He spat loudly and slapped me. My cheek stung from his hit and I was completely shocked. He had never treated me like this, not this bad. Yes we had fought and he might have pushed me and held my arm tightly, but nothing like this.

 My body was trembling and I felt devastated. I gave my entire life to him only to be treated this way. It was depressing to think about. ‘’Either you just let me leave or please, please just kill me i can’t take this anymore.’’ I whimpered and let the tears ruin my make-up. My arm hurt from him holding it so tightly, but as I said those words, his grip loosened and it wasn’t so harsh anymore.

Fear had taken over me and I was too scared to face him. I just kept my face this way, looking away from him because I was scared. ‘’What?’’ He breathed out and let go of me completely. Very slowly and nervously I tilted my head so I could face him. He didn’t look so angry anymore. He seemed shocked, shocked that I said that.

‘’You heard me! I..I have nothing else to live for J. If you really hate me just kill me already. Or leave me, leave me to die alone somewhere’’ I pleaded between tears. My heart was shattering in my chest. I, Y/N the queen of Gotham was nothing without him. ‘’Do it! I know you want to s-since I’m so useless..’’ I cried out weakly. ‘’No’’ He told me sternly and cupped my face. I winced in pain because my cheek was sore. He noticed immediately and his touch got more gentle. 

‘’I’m sorry..I didn’t mean to..Y/N’’ He seemed to come to his senses. It was too much. I reached out for his gun that was on the nightstand and then pushed it against his chest. ‘’Take it! I know you want to’’ I whimpered and bit my lips so I wouldn’t start crying out loud. Then I looked deep into his eyes in agony. J grabbed the gun so it wouldn’t fall on the floor because I let go.

‘’I won’t shoot you’’ He declared and threw the gun on the bed. Fine. I wiggled away from his touch and headed out of the bedroom. But of course he never let me. J grabbed my hand and pulled me back. ‘’What?’’ I groaned and tried to say something more, but he pressed his red lips against mine. It took me by surprise, but it was easily better than being hit. He pulled back and wrapped his arms around me. ‘’J just quit it, I know you hate me-’’

‘’Shut up please..’’ He begged while hugging me. I gave up fighting against him and completely broke down into his arms. I hid my face into his chest and the tears stained his shirt. He was rubbing my back softly as I cried against him, letting everything out in the form of tears. J was quiet and I bet he was speechless. He was never good with words.

The crying and being abused like that made my head ache and I groaned. ‘’It hurts..’’ I whispered quietly. ‘’I’m sorry’’ He apologized and sounded guilty. That was special for him, guilt. He was never guilty.  ‘’I know I’m not a perfect lover’’ He said a little sadly and then  looked at my face. He was kinda dull. There wasn’t any kind of an expression on his face. Just blankness and a tiny hint of pain in his icy blue eyes.

‘’But please don’t leave..’’ He begged and softly played with a strand of my hair. I sighed and shut my eyes, trying to focus. J picked me up in his strong arms and I grew a little tense.

‘’Relax, I won’t hurt you anymore’’ He explained and started walking. I stayed quiet and let him take me away from the bedroom. A little later we were in the master bathroom where we had a big bathtub. He placed me on my feet and then started to fill the tub. As it got filled, he undressed me quietly. I just stood there, letting him take off my clothes.

That’s when his blank expression turned a little sadder. He looked at my skin covered in bruises and I knew it bothered him. ‘’I’m so sorry’’ He whispered and traced his fingers over some of the bruises just to see if it was real. He really wished it was an illusion, but no. He sighed and then walked away behind me. I watched as he grabbed a bottle of rose soap and put it into the warm water where it foamed.

‘’Get in babe’’ He told me while undressing himself. I just stepped into the big bathtub and sat in the corner. The warm water felt good and it actually relaxed me with the sweet smell of roses. A minute later J joined me in the bath, wrapping one arm around me. ‘’Let me make it up to you doll..I don’t want to hurt you anymore’’ He explained while gently touching my hips underwater.

‘’I know I’m a dickhead, kinda cruel and everything. But you’re the one person I truly care about, both at work and outside work. I don’t know how, but you made me change. I don’t want to treat you like others princess. You’re the only one I have’’ He broke the silence after a few minutes. Those words from a person like him was very special and it made my heart flutter in my chest. I sighed and put my hand on his toned chest and leaned against him. ‘’It’s ok Puddin..’’ I tried to assure him ,but he shook his head no.

‘’No it’s not. I hurt people because they’re bad and I don’t care about them. I can’t hurt you Y/N’’ He told me seriously. I just stayed quiet and let him speak if he felt like it. For now I appreciated being next to him. For now..

PART 2 //

Colors [Part 2] (Suga x Reader fanfic)

Part 1

Part 3

Part 4

Originally posted by sughyun

Part 2: Mint


Why is it so cold out here? Why does my bed feel so cold?
Wait, this doesn’t feel like my bed. I’m not in my bed.  It feels like I’m on the cold, hard ground. What is happening?


I hear something. Someone… Someone is talking. What are they talking about? Are they talking about me? I see figures floating in a distance. Who are these people? Are they even real? Maybe I’m just dreaming. I’m dreaming. I’ll wake up soon.

Then I see a head floating in front of me. Looking at me. He’s saying something I can’t make out. His face is blurry. I only see his hair, his mint green hair. Such a pretty color. Who is he?

I hear a loud “THUD!”  Like when something hard hits the human flesh or Like when someone gets punched really badly and then a loud scream! Someone was crying out in agony. And that’s when I realized, this isn’t a dream. I’m on the cold hard ground. I’m still in the playground where Yungjae tried to chock the life out of me. I opened my eyes slowly and tried to move my neck a bit but everything hurt like hell. I tried to move a little but then suddenly, there was a hand waving in front of me.

“Oh look who’s awake!” someone said in a shrilled pitch.  “Wakey wakey precious” the person said again this time in a very joyful tone.

I looked up and saw a man standing in front of me. He had a big smile.  Almost too big for his face. Though it was a pretty smile. But it wasn’t the beautiful smile that caught my attention.  It was the blood. On his hands, the hand he was waving in front of me 2 seconds ago was smeared with blood. Not his blood. He had blood on his knuckles too.

The man looked at me again, still wearing his pretty smile “You woke up on the right time! I wouldn’t want you to miss the show” He said while pointing somewhere. I followed his finger and saw what was happening.

They were 3 men. One was tightly gripping Yungjae’s hair from the back. Another one standing in front of him. He had an aluminum baseball bat in his hand. And the third one, the third one was standing a little far away from them. both His hands tucked nicely inside his coats pocket. He was the one with the pretty green hair. He was staring at Yungjae with a strange bored look on his face.  And Yungjae, He was crying and pleading. His face was a bloody mess. His one hand looked limp. It looked broken. His jacket, the expensive one, the one which was more important than my pathetic life was on the ground ripped to shreds. And I wondered, is this some kind of revenge they’re taking for ‘me’? Are they really looking out for me? I didn’t understand why they were doing this to Yungjae. To me, these people didn’t look like the “savior” type.

And then The green haired man said something to the man with the baseball bat, the man smirked a little before moving the bat up to his shoulder and bringing it down to Yungjae’s stomach with so much strength Yungjae fell to the ground. He was coughing up blood now and I gasped audibly.

The one with the green hair was now looking directly at me. His head tilted a little as he kept gazing at me from a distance.  He had no expressions on his face so it was hard to tell what he was thinking. The man kept staring at me for a while and then broke the gaze and looked at the man standing beside me, the smiling one.  Then he looked at me again. The smiling man looked down on me only this time he wasn’t smiling. I started to back paddle and the man started walking towards me. “Boss is calling you precious!”

Originally posted by jhopies

In a blink of an eye his hand was grabbing the back of my neck tightly as he made me stand up and dragged me towards the green haired man. Maybe it was just instincts, I started to scream and claw at his hands. I shook my head furiously to wriggle free from his grip but his grip just got tighter.
“This one is wild. I guess Jiminie was right after all!” said the man before throwing me on the ground towards the green haired man. ‘Jiminie’ that name sounded so familiar.
I was beside the bruised and beaten Yungjae now. I looked at him and kept thinking “are they gonna do this to me too?”

a hand gripped my arm tightly and pulled me up. I was face to face with the Green haired one.

I stood there with my head held high. I decided to be brave just for once, I thought if I showed a little courage maybe they’ll let me off easily or just kill me directly. I won’t have to suffer like Yungjae. So I stood there and stared directly at him . i knew even if I die today I won’t go crying and pleading for my life.

After staring intently at me for about  30 seconds or so, the one with the green hair finally spoke .

“What’s your name?” He asked with his head tilting a bit. He still had that look, the disinterested look, the one that clearly said he didn’t give two shits about your life.

“Y/N” I said without any hitch.

“What’s your relation to him?” He asked while pointing at the half conscious Yungjae beside me. I turned to my right and saw him writhing in pain. I wanted to feel sorry for him but then I remembered he’s the reason why I’m here. He deserves it.

“He asked me out on a date” I said turning to look at man again.

“Date?” the man said with a very condescending sneer. Why was he smiling like that?
“What’s so funny about it?” I blurted . And instantly regretted it when his smile disappeared and his facial expression changed into a scowl.

I started apologizing “I’m sorry I didn’t mean-“and before I could finish I heard a ‘click’ and there it was.

Pointed Right between my eyes.

A little pressure on the finger and I would be gone forever. No trace of me will ever be found. Maybe they’ll throw me in some river with Yungjae. if they’re kind enough they would choose to bury me somewhere. So many thoughts started racing my mind. I wasn’t scared of death. But scared of the fact that nobody will ever know anything about what happened to me and nobody would care. So I stood there without flinching even a muscle. Waiting for my end .So this is how I die I thought..

But to my surprise he removed the gun from my face and smiled a little. It wasn’t the condescending smirk he had given me earlier but a real smile.

“You’re brave. But you know what they say..” He said while placing the gun back in his coat pocket. “Brave gets you killed” and with that he turned towards Yungjae.

“I wanted my money back. Instead you brought me ‘her’. I shouldn’t even think twice before putting a bullet in your thick skull”

“Please yoongi.. I don’t have any money..That’s why I brought her-“ 

“And what the fuck am I supposed to do with her” I could tell from his tone he was angry. It didn’t show on his face but I could tell.

“Whatever the fuck you want” Yungjae said with a bloody grin. I wanted kick that ugly grin of his face.

So that was his plan all along. He was in debt so he tried to sell me to this gang. And I was stupid enough to fall for the whole date thing.

Yoongi crouched down in front of Youngjae and talked to him:

“You really don’t have any money, do you? “He asked Yungjae while fixing his shirts collar.

“I don’t have shit Yoongi. Please” He pleaded again.

“Where did you spend all that money and don’t lie to me?” he was staring at Yungjae with a very empathetic look. Like he almost felt bad for him.

“I .. I gambled it. It was drugs and girls.” Yungjae looked like he was about to cry now.
“So you lied to us when you said you needed money for your mothers medical bill”

“Yoongi.. I” he was cut off by Yoongi again

“And you lied to us when you said you wanted money for rent. That was all bullcrap! Instead you brought yourself shit load of expensive clothes.” Yoongi pointed at the shredded jacket lying there while still staring at Yungjae.

Yungjae didn’t say anything this time.

“And you thought you could get away with it so easily..”

And then Yoongi got up and put his hands back in his pocket again. And sighed a little.  
“You lied to us and you wasted my whole day..” Yoongi said tiredly. 

“Please yoongi.. give me a little time. I’ll make it up to you.I promise.” Yungjae pleaded in a broken tone. Like he would cry any minute now.

Yoongi gave out a long ‘sigh’ this time and closed his eyes and for a moment I thought he was really going give Yungjae one last chance. That maybe we’ll both get to go home and I could forget everything that happened here on this night..maybe, i they’ll let me go home and this nightmare would end.

But then Yoongi opened his eyes and said only one word


Before taking out his gun and shooting Yungjae right between his eyes.
A loud ‘BOOM!’  And His lifeless body fell on my feet. For half a second I couldn’t contemplate what had just happened. There was a hollow ringing in my ears. I Looked down and his eyes were wide open and single bullet wound between his brows. Blood was everywhere. My shoes started to get soaked with blood. the ground started to move so fast beneath my feet and i fell backwards and landed on my butt.  I wanted to scream but nothing came out. I started gagging but nothing came out since I hadn’t eaten anything. I wanted something to happen. I wanted the world to stop spinning. I wanted the ‘ringing’ noise in my ears to stop. But truly in that moment I just truly wanted to die’.

“What should we do with her?”  I heard the smiling man ask Yoongi. “Should we kill her?” the man said again while cleaning the blood of his hands.
“That Yungjae gave her to us as a payment.. So we’ll take her as a payment” Yoongi said without even looking at me.
“What are we going to do with her anyways?We don’t deal in that kind trafficking business. Anyways, Look at her. She’s useless! Just put an end to her misery..” smiling man said. For once I agreed with whatever he was saying. 

Please kill me.

“Now you’re going to decide what we should and shouldn’t do? You’re a henchman hoseok. Don’t try to be more than that-” Yoongi said as he walked past ‘Hoseok’.

Name or no name they all looked like monsters to me.

Just before leaving Yoongi turned around and said “Get rid of that body and tell jimin to call someone to clean all that blood off. We don’t want kids to see all that shit tomorrow ” with that he left.

And again I was lifted off by my arm and dragged by the one called Hoseok. Somewhere. I didn’t know where. I didn’t care.
Turns out it was the dim alley he was taking me to. Maybe he was taking me home. Just maybe.

He took me to the place where I had seen that ‘Jimin’ guy the first time, to the place where Yungjae had told me to wait. To the place where it had all started.

I  remembered all that as he shoved me in the back seat of the black Toyota.

anonymous asked:

(tumblr mobile is the worst it rarely lets me send asks ugh) okay but this bit "When it's good, then it's good, it's so good 'till it goes bad', Till you're trying to find the you that you once had, I have heard myself cry, never again, Broken down in agony just tryin' to find a friend" and just imagine Anxiety singing it, tears in his eyes and all, wishing he had /someone/ to talk to because everyone else had each other and he was just alone. because he was who he was. -mp (Mother of Pain)

I go to sleep and wake up to PAIN. THANKS.

anonymous asked:

(reading system anon) OKAY I need to stop bothering you but I just wanted to say FORGET THAT LAST MESSAGE I WAS ALL SUNSHINE AND SMILES BUT THEN EVERYTHING CHANGED WHEN CHAPTER 19 ATTACKED. Jeezaloo, poor Adrien can't catch a break in either story. I need to go wash my face now because the waterworks reemerged when Marinette was crying. Thanks for the fun (read: agony), PK.

I love it when new people get to Chapter 19. :D

Please, by all means, keep bothering me! Your reactions are giving me the strength to make it through my homework.

Music Tag Shuffle!

Rules: Shuffle your music then write down 9 songs and your favorite lyrics from each song. Then tag 9 people. (Or however many you want hehe)

@thewindcarrieswhispers thank you! I love these games!

1. SAIL by Awolnation

“This is how an angel dies, blame it on my own sick pride.”

2. Renegades by X Ambassadors

“Long live the poineers, rebels and Muteneers.”

3. Radioactive by Imagine Dragons ft. Kendrick Lamar

“I raise my flag, dawn my cloth, it’s a revolution I suppose. We paint it red to fit right in.”

4. Sober by P!NK

“When it’s good, then it’s good, it’s so good till it goes bad.Till you’re trying to find the you that you once had I have heard myself cry, never again
Broken down in agony just tryna find a friend”

5. Secrets by One Republic

“Got no reason, got no shame, got no family I can blame. Just don’t let me disappear I'ma tell you everything.”

6. Hurricane by Halsey

“I’m the violence in the pouring rain. I’m a Hurricane.”

7. I Write Sins not Tragedies by Panic! At the Disco

“I chime in, haven’t you people heard of closing the goddamn door. No. It’s much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.”

8. Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez

“Everyone thinks that we’re perfect, please don’t let them look through the curtains.”

9. Glad You Came by The Wanted

“You cast a spell on me, spell on me. You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me.”

I tag @newprophecy , @witchofthebrew

masteredshadows  asked:

"How much would it hurt if I were to cut off this corruption of yours, piece by piece by piece, I wonder? Would you scream, cry out in agony? Or would you, perhaps, call upon it to hurt me for daring to get so close...?"

   If all it took to remove Pallas were the threats of an angry man and one sharp blade, Varus would have asked Zed to cut it away. But Pallas was wrought in shades of grey, not black and white. It was not so simple.

   “I do not have to call upon anything; I am Pallas, as it has become me. We are of one want.”

   We hunger, we feed, we are broken things forged together by our rage.

   “We would consume you, Betrayer, as we’ve done with all else.” As if his words are a promise, Pallas responds by curling in agitated waves across his skin, yearning to ruin. “If you’ve come for my screams, you will not have it.”

   Pallas pulses, shudders, and Varus is almost surprised that Zed has to even wonder at which Varus would choose.

   “You have your fair share of demons, Shadow Master. And you know they do not beg.

6 - Jake Riley pt2

“Y/N, listen to me.” My hyperventilating slows down as I turn to Jake. He smiles, his hand holding mine. “It’s going to be alright, it’s going to be alright.”

I nod, sweat down my forehead. “But Jake the illness and the babies…”

“They’re going to be perfectly fine, Y/N baby just relax.” Jake tells me.

I nod again. “Ok, Jake.” I take a deep breath, gritting my teeth in pain as I clutch his hand.

A doctor, his name was Doctor Cannerts, he helped me into a hospital bed. I’m going into my second hour of labour.

It is freaking painful.

Jake is holding my hand, he doesn’t care for the rules. Besides we have gloves on, I can’t wear the mask though since I’m panicking.

Like I’m having twin babies right now in the middle of a hospital on lockdown, trapped with a deadly disease.

“Jake.” He hums to me, his eyes coating concern and worry for me and the babies. I take a deep breath, resting my head back. “We never though of names.”

A small smile forms on his lip and I smile back through the pain. “Oh yeah, well want do you want to call them.”

“If it’s two girls,” I pause, thinking. “Y/D/N and Y/D/N.”

[Y/D/N - your daughter’s name, use whatever name you want.]

“Perfect.” He says, kissing my hand that is protected with the glove.

“Two boys.” I say to him.

Jake purses his lips together as he thinks of a name. “Y/S/N and Y/S/N.”

[Y/S/N - your son’s name, use whatever name you want.]

“Perfect.” I copy of him and he smiles, kissing my forehead. “You broke a rule.” I tease.

Jake rolls his eyes. “Y/N, I love you dearly but shut up.”

I laugh a little. “And I love you too, Jake.”


“Just one last push then the first baby is here.” Doctor Cannerts tells me, I whine shaking my head.

“Please just make it stop.” I cry in pain, tears down my cheeks as the pain is unbearable.

Jake kisses my forehead. “Y/N, baby you can do this. One more push, that’s it then we have the first baby.”

“Why did it have to be twins?” I whine, earning a small chuckle from the doctor and Jake.

He holds my hand as his other runs along my cheek. “Come on, Y/N.”

“Alright.” I reply, taking a deep breath before I purse my lips and push.

My scream muffles against my shut lips as I force my first baby out. I let out a deep breath, hearing a baby’s cry.

“It’s a boy.” Doctor Cannerts announces and I smile a little as does Jake.

But my smile fades and I cry out in agony. “The second baby is coming.” Doctor Cannerts adds, wrapping my son in a blanket and handing him to Jake.

Jake holds our son, smiling as he holds my hand. “He’s beautiful.” Jake says to me, kissing my hand.

I smile, wincing as I push out my second child. Doctor Cannerts announces the second baby. “It’s a girl.”

“A girl?” I repeat, my smile growing.

Doctor Cannerts, holding my daughter wrapping her up in a fluffy white towel. I sit up with Jake help and thank him after he hands me her.

“Thank you for everything.” I say to him.

“You’re welcome.” He replies, before exiting the room.

“I’m so proud of you.” Jake tells me, kissing my forehead making me smile.

“Thanks and I love them both.” I reply, glancing to my two beautiful children.

My son has my eyes and my daughter has Jake’s both of them adorable. “What are their names?” I ask Jake.

“Y/S/N and Y/D/N.” He replies to me.

I smile. “I love their names.” I lean in to kiss Jake’s lips. He kisses me back an I jump back. “Whoops.” I giggle.

Jake grins, pecking my lips again. “I don’t care, Y/N.”

“I love you Jake Riley.”

“And I love you Y/F/N.”


[Part 2 of my Jake Riley imagine, hope you enjoy it and comment requests]

Joker Imagine - When did you stop loving me?

Anonymous said:Can you please do a joker imagine based on “When Did You Stop Loving Me” by Hunter Hayes? 😭😭 but it ends with fluffy fluffff. THANK YOUUUU. ps. LOVE YOUR STORIES SO MUCH 💜💜

Originally posted by grysamobojcow

Originally posted by real-demons

Your P.O.V.

After so many crimes we had commited together, all the laughs, the tattoos, the kisses, the ‘I love you’s and sharing nights in the same bed, it all came crashing down. J was standing in front of me and his chest was rising as he breathed very heavily. Our eyes met, others filled with rage and others with tears. Also confusion was washed across both of us, smacked against our faces very obviously.

‘’When did you stop loving me?’’ I breathed out and bit the inside of my cheek so I wouldn’t start crying which would lead me to break down. We were in an alley in Gotham yet somehow the wind made my hair messy. ‘’J..I thought you already knew that you can trust me! You let me in can do it again’’ I tried to convince him, but it made him roll his eyes. 

‘’Yeah right..’’He growled and it broke my heart. Tears rolled down my face silently and I felt how my world was crumbling down right in front of my eyes. ‘’J I love you’’ I told him and wished with all of my dark heart that he’d love me too. Instead he just looked at me coldly with those icy blue eyes of his. The mental pain was worse than being shot. He didn’t reply.

‘’Goodbye’’ I told him and suddenly stormed off. I couldn’t just stand there anymore. Tears blurred my vision as I ran off , away from him. Away from the person I loved but he didn’t love me. But after a few alleys I stopped.I leaned against a tile wall and held my breath. Realization washed upon me. I slid down onto my butt so I was hugging my knees and I started crying loudly. Honestly I couldn’t care less about people hearing me now.

J didn’t love me. When did it stop? When did he feel like trusting me wasn’t a good idea? ‘’No..’’ I whimpered and then inhaled a sharp breath. I heard two footsteps in front of me. Thinking it was J, I looked up and opened my mouth to tell him to leave, but I saw someone dressed in a black costume.

My heart skipped a beat. It was Batman.

Instead of doing some crazy trick and vanishing away, I sat there. He seemed surprised even tho he had the same ugly face as always. ‘’Go ahead. T-Take me away’’ I stuttered weakly and wiped my tears that just got replaced again. Batman didn’t move for a while. He was obviously thinking. ‘’Did J finally leave you?’’ He asked me with that deep voice.

His words just made things worse. A loud cry left my lips and I pulled my hair in agony. ‘’Shut ut!’’ I winced painfully and struggled to breathe well. ‘’Well a trip to Arkham might still heal you, since you’re not as crazy as him yet’’ Batman suggested almost too kindly. Arkham asylum..

‘’Take me. I don’t care’’ I mumbled and stood up in surrender. Batman probably found this too good to be true, but he still cuffed me and I let him do it. Oh my J..why? Why would he suddenly stop loving me after everything? He was my reason to live for fucks’s sake!


‘’Hello Y/N, I’m your doctor. You can call me Harleen if it makes you more comfortable’’ My psycholog Dr. Harleen Quinzel smiled as she entered the room. I was sitting on a grey chair in this grey room and I was wearing a white straitjacket. My eyes were probably sunken in from little sleep and my hair was a mess. Under the straitjacket I had an Arkham Asylum orange prisoner suit. I just nodded smally to acknowledge that I was here mentally.

‘’I was told that you surrendered to Batman. Is that right?’’ Harleen asked me and put her coffee cup of the boring grey table. The room smelled like bad air and old coffee. I just nodded again, too sad to speak unless I had to. I kept thinking about J. He was so deep in my heart, my soul and my mind that I could probably never remove him.

‘’Would you like to tell me why?’’ Harleen pushed my buttons, but I didn’t mind anymore. I moved my eyes from the table to Harleen’s blue eyes. She was quite hot to be a psycholog at Arkham Asylum. ‘’He doesn’t love me anymore’’ I whispered, beginning the sentence calmly but it just made my eyes sting again. 

Three days ago Batman took me here and this was my first session. They got me a cage prison where I had at least a dozen guards all the time. Being the ex girlfriend (I suppose) of Joker was a crazy role so they wouldn’t leave me unwatched. 

A tear fell down my cheek and soaked onto my straitjacket. Harleen gave me a sorry look, but she had to continue her work. ‘’Why would he stop loving you?’’ She questioned me carefully. She was probably scared of an attack out of the blue like I was known to do. I was mostly unexpected, but I wasn’t feeling my vibe anymore. The second J took me out and told me that he didn’t trust me, my flame was killed like fire in water. He let me down so easily, like I was nothing to him. He just gave up on us.

It hurt like hell.

‘’I have no idea..I think he finds it hard to let people in and something made him..doubt me’’ I admitted and poured details to a damn doctor. ‘’I..I’m sorry..I-’’ I started as tears just kept coming out of me like a damn waterfall. The straitjacket was uncomfortable and I felt anxious and weak. ‘’ I love him so much’’ I whispered and then looked down to hide my tears and my red eyes. My body was trembling and I got weaker and weaker.

‘’I’m sorry Y/N’’ Harleen tried to comfort me, but I just shook my head. No one would ever understand me! ‘’Sorry H but I don’t think you understand. I’m crazy for loving someone like him..’’ I tried to giggle, but it made me think of J. He really knew how to make me laugh. What the fuck had I done to him?! The questions left unanswered would kill me. 

‘’I might Y/N. You just need to trust me. Did you have a hard time growing up?’’ She asked me and got me quiet. Oh doctor if I’d remember much then I could answer your question better. I just had flashbacks and some faint memories, but I barely remembered the most of my childhood. I knew how things were, but I couldn’t remember it well. ‘’I guess’’ I whispered and sniffled. 

A knock on the door made her get up. I watched as she opened it and a guard walked in, wearing a mask so the criminals couldn’t remember them when they’d get out.  I stood up and let the guard take me out of the room, leaving our session short. ‘’See you tomorrow Y/N’’ Harleen yelled after me before the door closed.

The asylum halls were very disgusting. It was like an old jail and it had a bad vibe. The guard held my straitjacket tightly and kept walking silently. Other prisoners who were lucky enough to have a see through wall stared at me. They all knew me. How could they not?

Instead or turning right where my cage was, the guard took me to the left. ‘’Wrong way’’ I muttered bluntly, but he shushed me. What the fuck? Suddenly I saw a body on the floor, laying in his own blood. The man was a guard that only had a white T-shirt on now, soaked in blood. Oh and underwear. I stared at the dead man and then at the other guard who didn’t even care. That wasn’t right..

‘’Be quiet’’ He whispered and sent shivers down my spine. That wasn’t an Arkham guard! It was Joker! My heart started beating faster, but I listened to him like a dog. What on earth? Why would he come here? I just walked kindly by his side as he took us outside where I saw more dead bodies. A helicopter was waiting for us and I was surprised the alarm hadn’t started beeping. How did they get here? When ? Why? 

Joker took me into the black helicopter and then the door shut. It took off and so we just left Gotham without being noticed. A few henchmen sat here with guns. ‘’Why would you do that?!’’ I looked at J and bit my bottom lip. He took off the mask and I saw his red lips and those pretty blue eyes. ‘’Well duh I couldn’t just leave you there. They’d give you medicines that would turn you to a soulless goodie idiot’’ He spat and then grabbed a knife. I stared at it nervously as he came closer. Instead of getting stabbed, he cut the straitjacket open so my arms were free.

An overwhelming desire to hug him took over me, but I didn’t dare to do that. It hurt. ‘’I thought you just made it clear that you didn’t love me’’ I whispered quietly and looked into his eyes. J looked a little sad and tired. ‘’No..No Y/N..I love you. I really do, but something happened. You stormed off before I could even clear my mind’’ He sighed deeply and put his hand on you cheek. His touch felt good, but I didn’t let him know that. I wasn’t over it.

‘’Can we talk when we get home?’’ He looked deep into my eyes.Oh wow he still called it home. ‘’Sure’’ I mumbled and then broke eye contact. A sigh escaped his red lips and instead of ignoring me and taking a seat, he leaned in to kiss me. My eyes widened in surprise of the sudden touch. I let his wamr lips sink the truth into my mind until I shut my eyes and kissed him back. I couldn’t not kiss him.

J’s hand held onto the wall and the other one onto me. I felt his tongue on my bottom lip and then it slid into my mouth. He kissed me like we had been separated for years. It made my lips feel a sparkly sensation and I forgot everything that happened for a few slow seconds. After a while he pulled back and smiled. ‘’I hope that makes you believe that I love you. I never stopped idiot’’ he said playfully and cuased me to blush. But it still felt too good to be true.

‘’Let’s talk when we get home’’ I repeated his words just to be a tease and to show him that I wouldn’t forgive so easily. I was really broken ,left into my agony so bad that I fucking surrendered to Batman. ‘’Okay princess but you need to promise me to never go back there again’’ 


“And you, Master? What does your heart tell you you’re meant for?”

“Infinite sadness.”