and i cannot write

So today we found out that Dirk Gently season two’s unofficial name is ‘The Middle of Everywhere’ and that (according to the show bible) it could potentially centre around a portal to another dimension.

But I’m actual trash so my immediate thought was less “jolly smuggling jaunt” and more “please can we have the mystery squad & co. meeting their alternate universe selves”.

I’m thinking Blackwing!Dirk and FBI!Farah joining forces with rockstar siblings Todd and Amanda, whose band (Mexican Funeral? I Hate Voicemail?) made it big time and who have spent the past year touring the world to sold-out stadiums before coming back to Seattle to rest and recuperate.

And I mainly want this because of the comparison between the canon!Brotzmans who have no money and a shitty relationship with each other currently, but who both now have a purpose and a support network, and the au!Brotzmans who are financially stable and doing what they love, but they’ve got no-one except each other and they know it’s co-dependent but what can they really do when they’re living in a virtual goldfish bowl created by their own fame? Both sets of siblings have Pararibulitis still, but au!Brotzmans can afford medication while canon!Brotzmans have psychic vampires and accompanying visions of the future. At some point all four of them have a jam session with two angry drummer girls and two frustrated guitarists and they sound amazing, au!Brotzmans are this close to recording it for when they get back to their dimension.

And then you’d have the canon!mystery squad trying to get a handle on a heavily armed and properly trained au!Dirk who has a very good understanding of his intuitions but very little understanding of anything outside of the CIA compound where he’s kept in between missions, and au!Farah who has all of the anxiety and perfectionist tendencies of canon!Farah but who just learned how to play the system and give the right answers when tested.

Essentially I just want them all to team up and break the psychic murder children out of Blackwing, just so canon!Dirk can hear someone at the door to rescue him but it turns out to be au!Dirk in full CIA tactical gear and they both have .5 seconds of what the fuck has happened now while Mmm Whatcha Say plays faintly in the background.

I became a charlie heaton fan b/c i thought he was ridiculously talented in Stranger Things and he seemed kinda unique and interesting, and I just saw As You Are and–wow. My mind is blown. It’s heartbreakingly brilliant acting. Like, I still don’t even know what to say about it, other than to just really recommend it.

Project Report Subject Number 498. Codename "Smokes".

Status: Deceased

Epithet: Carcinogenic

Eye color: His pupils were white while the sclera was a pale grey. When allowed, Subject wore sunglasses to hide this, apparently being self conscious over how they looked.

Body Age: 24 ½ years.

Hair color of choice: Dyed blonde.

Favorite allowed testing item: His pack of cigarettes.

Number Tattoo Placement: Along the side of his left bicep

General Overview:

#497 (further referred to as “Smokes” so as to distinguish between other Subjects) was cloned from the Professor’s DNA Two Months and One Week from the date this report is filed. Smokes grew in the aging chamber for approximately seventeen hours before the twitch signaling the activation of his Epithet was noted. Upon waking up and going through standard first day procedures the following height, weight, and special attributes were recorded:

•67 Inches

•167 pounds

•Smelled heavily of cigarette smoke despite no researcher smoking within that district. Seemed to have some sort of lung problem as was noted by physical capacity tests. Researchers interacting with Smokes had an increased urge to smoke by 47%, including those who had never smoked before.

Exposure to other Subjects was positive, a particularly good mutual liking with #497. #497 grew close during Smokes’s time in the program and was devastated when he passed.

His Epithet “Carcinogenic” quickly caused him to develop terminal lung cancer despite the resources the Project had to treat him.

During the time before he became to sick to operate this was the compiled results of his combative abilities:

•Could take a long drag from his cigarette and then exhale a cloud of smoke with a diameter of 15(including the area he was in) feet across in all directions. The anomalous nature of the smoke renders it impossible to see through unless the viewer is a heavy smoker themselves.

•While being subjected to ranged combat he could dissipate into smoke and reform at a spot of his choice within range.

•Could take all the ashes from his ash tray and temporarily make a golem out of them. Golem was not particularly stable nor strong and ended up falling apart after minimal effort. 

•If he breathed his smoke into someone’s face they would break into an extremely terrible, and to an extent painful, fit of coughing.

i… have had two glasses of wine and life sucks and can anyone stand my awfully sappy smut enough to let me write a bit of it for you? any pairing. literally any 1d pairing. or possibly a pairing outside of this fandom if i know it well enough. i don’t care today. if you want to include a sentence prompt in it too, then that would be fine.

i’m sorry. for a minute there i actually forgot the fact that i cannot fucking write.

Update on mun

I probably should have done this sooner, but I have been so busy I wasn’t able to. First off, I am a full time college student, with a triple major and 20 credits for this semester, on top of this I have a part time job, volunteer with the wellness center, and am part of two clubs. To say the least I am a very busy person and while I really want to be here to write with you guys, I simply cannot at the moment. This semester is going to take everything I’ve got and while I am not going to call an official hiatus, I will be in and out depending on the day. I hope everything has been going well for you guys and please feel free to IM me if you need me, I will be checking that the most.

Mina Mongoose Affair Chapter Ten: The Chapter With No Mina, Stella, or Hooligans

I hope you’re enjoying my series of stories about Team Hooligan and their adventures with their newly adopted ward, Stella Frost! I especially hope you’re enjoying the new installment, in which they kidnap Mina Mongoose for the sake of a creepy guy named Thaddeus! Now enjoy this chapter with none of those characters I just mentioned. 

I cannot stress how much I cannot write the actual Sonic character. You’d think his personality would be easier to nail. I ended up focusing on Tails’ perspective by sheer accident but I’m a massive Tailsfag so that’s not really a surprise.

Read on Ao3!

Read on!

Your OTP + Kids
  • Who in your OTP carries them from the couch/car to the bed?
  • And who soothes the kids after a nightmare?
  • Who wants to throw out the car seat because the stupid thing won’t strap in?
  • Who cries on the first day of school?  
  • Gets the kids into the local sports team?
  • And who’s the parent that gets way too aggressive at these games?
  • Who in your OTP lets the kids stay up and watch movies and who sends them to bed?
  • Who sneaks candy to the kids before school, whilst the other pretends not to notice?
  • Who is the parent that yells at the kid for being called to the principal’s office and who is the parent who yells at the principal?
  • Who teaches their son to tie a tie and who
  • Explains periods to their daughter?
  • Who cries at graduation?
  • Who reads the book in silly voices?
  • Who’s the one against sweets before dinner and who lets it slide?
  • Who gets rid of the monster in the closet and under the bed?
  • Which parent sneaks veggies into the kids’ dinner and who doesn’t like veggies themselves?
  • Who in your OTP does the “hurt my baby and I’ll kill you” speech when their kid brings someone over?
  • Who goes on all the rides with the kids because their partner gets queasy on rides?

(this is probably gonna be a long oneshot and once there’s more it’ll be on ao3 but for now, let me know what you think?)

There are things that Kent can handle, and then there are things that Kent cannot, under any circumstances, in any universe, even begin to handle.

As it turns out, watching Jack Zimmermann, Alexei Mashkov, Randall Robinson, and Sebastian St. Martin attempt to build a deck is one of the things that he can’t handle, because holy fucking shit.

It’s about a million degrees out, and they’re all shirtless and covered in sweat and, yeah, it’s the off season, but they’re still professional fucking hockey players, for fucks sake, and Kent realizes then and there that accepting the invitation to spend the week at Jack and Bitty’s new cottage was definitely a mistake because, really.

Except for Mashkov, everybody brought their families, and they’re all friends, and they’re all teammates, and Kent is 99% sure that his invite was a pity one prompted by the Aces losing the Stanley Cup in game seven against the Stars, and he can’t help but feel like he doesn’t belong there at all, and he can’t help but think it’s because he doesn’t.

Keep reading

There was supposed to be a fanfic to go along with this but I’m apparently incapable to write words.

I just want my kids to go to a masquerade where they meet up, still completely oblivious of each others civilian form, and tango since I spent all night drawing this to this song because I am complete old school Disney trash.

Maybe I’ll write the fic later _(:3」∠)_

like can you even imagine how much the amount karkat loves valentine’s day terrifies dave lmao

no big just your boyfriend’s secret-but-everyone-knows-it favorite holiday and btw your participation in it specifically is what makes or breaks the entire experience so I guess if you have trouble expressing feelings genuinely you better work on that shit because even though karkat would never actually hold that against you you know that you have the power to either make him deliriously happy or just leave him kind of sad and disappointed but the problem is even though you KNOW he doesn’t even need all that much to achieve the former you’re still afraid that you’ll put actual effort in and still disappoint him and you’re fucking terrified!!!!

(he’ll do fine but oh god the agonizing… the agonizing)

Fell World

Actually I’ve been working on this for quite some time….and m’lady, remember how we talked about how swap fell AU is still a fell world and SF bros who grew up there only trust each other? So this is surely inspired by you and Angelia’s work. But is also my take on pup’s POV? (I still head cannon Sans as the elder brother and feels like he have to look out for both of them)

This writing and drawing is dedicated to @xladymalice, who seems to be having a tough time at the moment. 

I just managed to finish this. Welp, won’t say it’s great and i’m sure there are mistakes here and there. but i will be really happy if this can make you feel a tiny bit better when things in rl are not that pretty for you. 

This is a fell world

Where you can trust no one

But I still trust you with all my heart

As you trust me with yours

I will do WHATEVER you want me to do, no matter what it cost

Take my life if you want it

Crush my soul if you desire it

The pain you inflicted on me

Is the pleasure I felt in my soul


I felt unlucky to be born in such a cruel world. Especially when the existences of other universes came to my knowledge – it’s like being dealt a bad hand in life.

Yet I will still choose to be born in this hell. Because you exist in this world, and when I am with you I am in heaven.

Something inside me told me to never give up, and keep believing that there were still good in people. But watching your constant battle with this brutal world made me learned my lesson. The way all the others were looking at you, it drove me mad, it drove me INSANE, how dare they! Thinking they could take advantage of my brother and step on us if they had the chance. In this world, no one else is to be trusted.

YOU are the only good to me in this world. I know that you had always tried your best to take care of both of us, taking up the burden of two on your tiny shoulders. I could not help but wondered, how long would you be able to last under this pressure? You seemed so frangible under the weight of our reality …… and you had no idea…how alluring it was.

Anger washed over me when people failed to appreciate the greatness in you. Yet I will make sure that no one will dare to approach you. No one should see the beauty of your fury and I shall be the only one who have the luxury to experience it. I will ensure any moth attracted by your fire of anger will be burning in hell so no one will dare to even think that they can take you away from me.

The only way to survive in our world is to become stronger. I’ve learned that to protect my lord, I must become strong, and be the most terrifying monster in the underground.

So we fought together, watching each other’s back through the countless battles. Now, people will shiver at the sight of us, no one will dare laying a finger on you or even look at you. You are my lord, you are MINE.

Joy filled me when I fulfilled you command and you looked at me with pride. Your smile hinted at something you used to be, innocent and endearing, yet those traits were quickly washed away as we learned to adapt to this world.

And somehow, we managed to survive, though tainted by the craziness of where we are in. The outsiders don’t understand what we have between us. They only see us as the crazy owner and mad dog.

No body would know how you squirmed underneath my body, as I pined you down. Feeling your reaction as my every touch built up desire inside you.

I love to observe how you were overwhelmed with the tingling feeling when I reached inside your ribcage, phalanges running through between the gaps of the ribs, barely touching you, sending shocks of electric pulse across your bones.

It was such a magnificent scene to see you shivered under the sensation just by feather-light touches, driving you mad with ways of teasing that only I know how.

I noticed how your body relaxed when my phalanges traced the shape of your scapula, subtly continued the stroke from your shoulder to clavicle, sensing the last trace of strength seemed to be drained from your body as I nudged your sternum, soaked in the aura of magic around your soul.

I knew you secretly enjoyed it when my teeth scraped against your femur, leaving marks that I wished would stay forever. Feeling your magic coalesced under the caress of my tongue and hearing your whole frame rattled as I slowly licked every inch of your pubis.

Your sweet moans were muffled by your prestigious pride but I was rewarded to hear them when I drove you over the edge. Your soul pulsing in the same rhythm as mine, synchronised. We were in a realm of our own, where there were only two of us.

By moulding your every response to touch I left my own mark within you, just like the scar on your skull, declaring you permanently as mine. I would plant the idea that no one, NO ONE is worth touching you into your mind, your soul.

No I will not share, no one shall enjoy the glorious care and treatment of being at your mercy.

You know I am a possessive dog beast.

And you allow it.


This is a fell world

Where you can trust no one

But we still have each other

Every insult you barked to me

Is praise that I would enjoy

I’m yours and you are mine

Down to the last drop of our marrow

I will be by your side

And While We Live (Prologue)

She was wearing a black dress. It reached just above her knees, with a loose skirt and sheer black sleeves. He was wearing a blue shirt and well fitted dark blue jeans. She was tall and he was taller, by a palm and a half. He had a black leather biker jacket and blushing, asked her if he could keep his helmet in her apartment. Giggling and nodding, she pulled her own leather jacket in front of him… Prepared, aren’t you?  She had decided to wear flats that day. After standing still for a moment, he was the first to leave the trance and waited for her to close and lock her door.

They had this way of standing out and blending in at the same time. That’s why they were perfect for each other and they were on their way to find that out.

Perhaps he had already. You could see his eyes linger on her every face change and twist. His eyes would grow big, his head would almost bobble at the same rhythm of her hand movements and he would smile, not exactly at what she might be saying, but because she had just dazzled him with a grin. He liked that she was so expressive when talking about her work and her hobbies and her uncle’s adventures.

They ate and shyly, she asked him if he would like to go back to her apartment for coffee. As they walked back, the mood shifted a little. Or evolved… The tension was present, but it was an intoxicating tension, almost like a bubble that could burst at any second. The smells were stronger, the lights brighter and the footsteps on the sidewalk seemed to be taken at a slower tempo. The tension was ready to shift once again, it was something feline, ready to pounce.

She had to kiss him. I have to. His lips had been calling for her attention and the bastard knew, as he had been licking them more often looking at her. Why would that be? Was that anticipation on his part as well?

But would it worth be it?

She didn’t know it yet, but she was opening the door to her future.